mane “Tho Ulimato Happy Marriage Choc | SHE - Yahoo Liles ria The Ultimate Happy-Marriage Checklist Redbook | SHE Saying "I do" is the easy part, but with these 10 expert tips, relationship maintenance hardly feels like work. By Ashley Mateo, REDBOOK. 1. Hug your partner at the end of the day Ahug, a kiss, at the very least a smnile~it feels like a no-brainer. But we're so caught up in day-to-day stuff—cooking dinner, checking email, helping wit homework--that a touch is usually the first thing to go. "Stop whatever itis you're a ie doing and acknowledge each other when you first meet after a long day," says S Andrea Syrtash, author of Cheat on Your Husband (with Your Husband). "It yi sets the tone fora better, more connected evening. It could be for just five your seconds, but you send the message that your partner isa priority in your life and partner that you're going to acknowledge it.” Without physical ouch and the personal connection it spurs, you risk becoming roommates rather than lovers. attheend a ofthhedy “The most important element of making a relationship work is teamwork,” says Dr. Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About ‘The Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. "If you play tug of war with each other, you won't get anywhere. But as partners, you can accomplish anything,” Everyone loves a good team—just look at how riled up we all are over the World Cup. Bring a little bit of that spirit to your relationship. It could be as simple as joining your local bowling league and making T-shirts that say “Team Smith.” “Playing up that in-it-together mentality enhances the bonds of your relationship," addls Tessina. So when it comes time to huddle over a serious issue like finances, you'll be pumped to get on the same page. Married Couples Do Every Day 3, Treat your partner like a child Yes, you read that right, Think about it: You know it's not enough to tell a child, "I love you. You're the greatest." You need to be specific and focus on the actual task they've accomplished, like, "Vou did a great job setting the table” or "You were so brave to tell your friend she hurt your feelings,” says Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of Marriage Rules. That same logic applies to your husband--crystal-clear compliments go a lot further than vague verbal pats on the back. "Speaking to specifies warms things up and lets your partner know why you really admire him,” helping to reinforce a real connection, adds Lerner. 4. Plan to be spontaneous Tt sounds like an oxymoron, but after the new-relationship novelty wears off and schedules get crazier, it's harder to find time to have sex. So treat getting busy as you would any other important to-do and put it on your ealendar. "Scheduling sex ‘may be unsexy, but that doesn't mean the act itself has to be unsexy,” says Syrtash. "Pick a time, then build up to it-flit as you get ready for work, send a racy text in the middlle of the day, have fun with it." Many couples get bogged down in the practical and forget to keep the play alive. Don't be those people. pein teste yhoo. comblogsishalultmte-happy-marclage-choclst-161200061 nd 18mane “Tho Ulimato Happy Marriage Choc | SHE - Yahoo Liles ria Related: 10 Things Men Love to Hear in Bed 5. Put your values on display Years into married lif, it's easy to sometimes forget why you said "I do’--namely becauise you share core values about what you hope to get out of life. Hang a visual reminder of those ideals somewhere in your house, "We display a plate from a trip to ‘Mexico that says Love, Money, Happiness~and the Time to Enjoy Them,” says Tessina. "Every time we look atit, we're reminded that we're not here to argue or struggle with any of the silly stuff. We're here to make a good life for ourselves.” Log ‘on to Pinterest and find the motto that works best for you and your partner, hang it up, and don't forget to slow down and really appreciate the message once in a while. 6. Don't freak out if you're not connecting, ‘Sometimes it's inevitable--and that's why communication is everything, says Syrtash. "You won't always be on the same age. Partnership is about compromise." In some eases, you may not get the exact result you want, but you should fed like you were heard and your perspective was valued. "You need two drivers to steer a relationship forward,” adds Syrtash, "There shouldn't be one person saying, ‘Everything just happens other person isn't strong enough or the issue is more important to one of you.” Respectful communication is key, as is continuing the conversation, because you might find common ground, even when you don't think you will. ‘me.' But, at times, someone needs to take the wheel when the 7. Keep it simple Every woman has tried to have a serious conversation with a man who just won't go there, And that's because men don't need to express themselves the way women do. It's not that your husband doesn't want to work out an issue with you, but having a drawn-out heart-to-heart might feel awful to him, says Lerner. "Sometimes the culprit is the sheer number of sentences and the intensity in our voice. Don't overload the cireuits. Slow down your speech and lower the volume. When you havea criticism to make, deliver it in three sentences or less.” Related: 10 Things He's Not Telling You He Wants 8. Attack the issue, not the person Arguing is absolutely healthy. What can be problematic is how you go about it. When we're angry, we tend to be impulsive and say things we regret. To avoid destructive fights, keep the focus on the issue at hand rather than assas husband's character. "When you call someone lazy for not doing the dishes, you instantly put them on the defensive,” says ‘m upset the kitchen is a mess. What can we do to fix it?” And nating your Syrtash, “Instead, include yourself in the equation and say, skip words that confer sweeping generalizations, like always or never. When you use them, you don't allow change to happen. 9. Stop the emotional pursuit Women are fixers. We want to know what's wrong ASAP so we can make it better. But your husband isn't necessarily ike that, so when he's under stress, don’t press, says Lemer. "If you pursue a distancer, they will distance themselves even more. He's more likely to move toward you when he has breathing room." Be patient, let him come to you, and if he's looking for support, don't immediately make judgments. "Many people value criticism at the early stage of a relationship, but become ‘more allergic to it over time," adds Lemer. "No one can survive in a martiage--at least not happily-if he feels more judged than admired, 10. Turn chores into favors In this Lean In world, you'd think we'd have figured out how to split houschold tasks 50-50. But there's still a good chanee that's not the case in your home. “Sometimes women let things manifest and we become passive-aggressive,” says Syrtash. "Men prefer a more direct approach, so just say, ‘Okay, let's tackle this. Here's what needs to be done.” Most men want to be part of the solution, so if your husband needs a little extra push, put a reward om the line, "Try telling him that if he does the dishes more, he'll be happier in bed--I bet youll see a correlation,” adds Syrtash. More from REDBOOK pein teste yhoo. comblogsishalultmte-happy-marclage-choclst-161200061 nd 28mane “Tho Ulimato Happy Marriage Choc | SHE - Yahoo Liles ria 7 Ways You KNOW You Belong Together Foreplay Moves All Men Secretly Crave ‘The Top 6 Things That Make Men Resentful 7 Ways to Avoid Becoming His Mom pein teste yhoo. comblogsishalultmte-happy-marclage-choclst-161200061 nd