The Latest

January 29, 2008

Current mood: optimistic
I m sure it comes as no surprise to the internet that I have joined the astronaut
training program. Admittedly, I have no previous experience in flight, technolog
y, or science, but I am known about town as an intrepid spirit, and am often see
n lumbering about in bulky clothes.
For several weeks now I have passed by the astronaut recruitment office on my wa
y hither and thither, and felt a strange, almost magnetic pull toward its bright
ly colored displays and handsome astronaut mannequins. Indeed, I have been made
late to my various appointments on more than one occasion by lingering there, re
ading all about the exciting opportunities in the all-new, all-modern space program
.
Now Tuesdays would normally be bowling day, as I am sure all of you are aware, b
ut it is possible that the latest news of the North-East Tennessee Bowling Leagu
e s internal strife has not yet reached the farthest corners of the World Wide Web
. Alas, it is my responsibility to inform you that the worst has happened. That
notorious scoundrel, Mr. Chris Mendeleev has executed an all-too-skillful coup d e
tat. Now, I am known as no friend of the previous commissioner, Mr. James Farmhe
ath, and I have made clear my displeasure with certain initiatives of his admini
stration in a number of other venues. But the power-mad Mr. Mendeleev is no alte
rnative at all.
Given this intolerable situation, I have submitted my resignation from the NETBL
, and have dedicated myself to finding other ways to while away my Tuesdays, Thu
rsdays, and every other Sunday.
Thus, the astronaut program.
Now, so far I have not actually been accepted, but I have picked up the necessar
y forms from an obliging chap going by the simple nom-de-plume of Jer (rhymes wi
th Chair ), who seemed optimistic of my prospects.
Jer has also assured me that the psycho b s have now been mostly weeded out of the or
ganization, making it quite a good way to meet women, certainly an improvement o
ver the NETBL (though since I have joined MySpace, I find I am increasingly popu
lar with women who do not enjoy clothes).
So- things are looking up! Till next time.