You have a great introduction paragraph.

But you need to show where your

augments are and remember this is formal essay, so you can't use “I”, “we”, “our” and
“me” in the essay. Also you need change “it’s” to “it is”. It is a good thing that you mention
the author, Erick Darby, and his poem in the first paragraph. The title that you have is not
catching my attention, so I think you need change you title more deeply.
For the body paragraphs of you essay, it is really good. You wrote lots of idea
that need us to think about and I very like an idea that you have “word can be and can use
as a weapon”. It really shows that People shape the other people’s opinion very easily.
For the conclusion, you need re-write your augments. I really agree your opinion
about you live for yourself not for the other.
Overall, the essay is very well. If you change the problem that you have, your essay
will be better.