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8 October 2007
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Your Stuff
Overheard
Girl 1: Do you know who I REALLY like? That Steve.
Girl 2: Oooh yes, I know what you mean. He's well nice. You do know he's
still in that coma?
Girl 1: Yeah... that's alright though...

We've all done it. You're sitting in a bar, on the bus or standing in a
lift and you'll overhear juicy gossip, a bitchy conversation or a
comment that simply makes no sense. We want to hear the best overheard
banter, and the funniest will be mentioned by Graham on the show.

*Best submissions: *
Victoria Wall
In Southport:A mother talking to her son:" Put your hood down so the
wind can blow away your dandruff"

Terri
Watching the News at a friend's house - news footage of Iraq, with burnt
out vehicles and bombed buildings all around - my friend's mother says
'lovely blue sky isn't it!'.

Adam from Leeds

While sunbathing in Hyde Park Leeds, overhearing a random guy saying -
'You know you've had a good night when you wake up naked and you are
missing a tooth!'

Peter McKeon
At the bottom of Grafton St in Dublin there is a small pedestrian
crossing. A couple of years ago my cousin was walking down Grafton St
with a mate after work on his way home. As the lights changed, they made
that beeping noise - 2 American girls were standing beside them and
asked what the noise was. My cousin told them that it was to let blind
people know that the lights had changed, to which the American replied
"wow, that is so advanced! In America, we don't let our blind people drive!!

Joe Sutherland
Overheard next to a construction site:Woman to child: See if you do
badly at school, that's what you'll be doing...

Angela Brown
This was on a poster in a butchers window it said Large breast reduction
here. This shows how Welsh butchers in Bangor like to help their customers.

Helen Abbott
In a Subway baguette shop in America the staff member asked "Do you have
a Subway where you live?"An elderly lady replied:"Subway?! We don't even
have a zebra crossing!"

Sarah J
Overheard in Central Edinburgh. American tourist looking at the view
across the Firth of Forth to Fife, says to his friend "Is that Norway?"

Tracey in Manchester
Heard in the Lobby of Belle Vue Greyhound Race track on a busy Saturday
evening...
Lad one: Warren thinks he?s got a STI you know.
Lad two: Oh well, what?s the worst that can happen?
Lad one: Wife kicking him out?

Laura
Two girls chatting as they exited Oxford Circus Tube station: "It's
true, you should never trust someone that good-looking" ...

Paul Constantine
I was sat in the pub the other day. Two women were sat there enjoying a
drink.
Lady 1: Ah, i see your glass is empty, would you like another one?
Lady 2: Why would i want two empty glasses?

andy horton
overhead on a bus...
man 1: im not homophobic neither
man 2: i know, how can anyone be scared of their own house!?!

Aled
Father to his young son in a store's toilets: 'Don't touch the inside of
the bowl!'

lynn
Woman standing in a queue at the local pizza parlour.
Counter operator: would you like your pizza cut into four or eight slices?
Woman: four please, I couldn't possibly manage eight.
Becks
Overheard in a cafe. A nan saying to her grandson "you'll be looking to
go to grammar school soon then?" The boy replied "No I don't want to go
to grandma school cos I'll end up old and smelly like you!

Nicky
Heard in an elevator...A young woman opened her handbag and whispered,
"have you got enough air in there?"

Emma from Middlesbrough

Overheard on a bus into town...
Girl 1: Did you know that sperm has 450 calories per mouthful?
Girl 2: Oh my God no! Where did you hear that?
Girl 1: On Graham Norton's show the other week.
Girl 2: No wonder I was so fat at uni.

graham norton no.1 fan

Two woman chatting on the train from derby to london
1st woman: "i used to live in cumbria"

2nd woman: "i never knew you lived abroad"

faye
Girl and mum talking in shop: 'Mum, I want to be a midwife. I thought
about being a doctor and decided i didn't want to see all that blood'.

John Windsor
Two women meeting on a bus:
First woman: "Buried my mother last week..."
Second woman: "Oh..(pause)she's dead then?"
MikeD
Man walking down a long corridor ahead of me in work, talking to his
wife on his mobile phone and says "is she being naughty"? "do you want
me to talk to her"? "ok put her on" "hello Sarah, are you being
naughty"? "well listen, you mustn't be naughty because if you are
naughty, when you go to sleep tonight, the house will burn down".
Holly and Charlotte Simms
We were in a toy shop in Lowestoft when a woman walked in and asked the
cashier "excuse me, do you have any inflatable dart boards?"

Shireen Hand
My mum overheard two old ladies on a bus talking about how a friend of
theirs had caught the MFI bug in hospital.

Elaine
Next door neighbour complaining to his wife about having to mow the lawn
(yet again), "Well why can't we just cover it in concrete and put down
some afro turf?"

Natalie
At Harrow Bus Station: A man tells his toddler to hold on to his coat
while he gets his "Lobster" card out. Somehow I think he meant Oyster?!

Danni
Overheard in a cafe:
Woman 1: so you're infertile
Woman 2: yes it's terrible. I think it may run in the family.

Diane
In a shop in Glasgow: "Have you seen my birthmark? it just appeared a
few weeks ago."

Liz
Overheard in the laundry product aisle at Sainsburys: "Well, I don't
know if I need starch, I've never ironed a thong!"

Jayne from Norwich

In Marks and Spencers in Norwich - little boy is playing up, so mum
whispers into her son's ear. The little boy looks up and shouts "I am
NOT a little s**t".

Simon Gardner
A common question when I worked at Ironbridge Tourist Information Centre
- "What side of the river is the bridge on?"....

Chris Cox - Nr Cardiff

Lady in local supermarket "I love it when the tuna is on offer - because
I can just give the kids a tin each with a fork, and that's tea sorted..."

Kitty
This Valentine's Day as I was coming home from work in Oxford Street
there was an angry chavvy guy yelling into his phone, "Yeah, well you
slept with my best mate first! You're angry?! That's how you're supposed
to feel!"

Jai
Two old women discussing the merits of Calvin Klein perfumes in the
supermarket where I work
First Lady: "Is CK One any good?"
Second Lady: "Oh you don't want that Rita, it's a bisexual perfume!"
I assume she meant unisex.

Paul James
Over heard in Lewes (Sussex) High Street last Saturday:
"I asked Sarah if she knew where the Commonwealth was. She said 'Yes,
it's a country in Europe where they hold those games.'"

Erykah
Two girls on a bus in Mile End:
First Girl: When I go home they say I'm like, well proper cockney
Second Girl: Nah man, we ain't cockney. We speak proper English, innit?

Gregory Webster
In front of the Sphinx in Egypt - American tourist - "Is there anything
interesting to see round here ?"

EMILY
Two chav boys on a bus, talking about when they play football, "yeh,
like, i can see it coming with my profiterole vision!"
HAZEL MORGAN
... in a doctor's reception 'I WANT MY SON TO BE CIRCUS SIZED'
treehavn
Picture the scene: Oxford Street - A respectable-looking, middle-aged
man takes solace from the crowds against a shopfront in order to take a
call on his mobile phone.
As I walk past I hear... "Yes, yes. I've bought you a really good
present. Yeah, you'll love it, it's great, it's definitely worth anal
this time."

Sarah
Overheard on a flight...

Teen girl 1: He broke up with me on Facebook!

Teen girl 2: Like, on your wall?
Teen girl 1: No, he just changed his status back to 'Single'!

Tony Jupp
Two women chatting: 'ooh have you seen his flat? It's lovely, it's had
all that Sinn Fein...' Heard on a Lewisham bus

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'It's just a shame he's in a coma...'
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