THE GARDEN PARTY

1If! V (didn't realize -

ACT TWO
'fhen the SECRETARYjlaresup.)
'"( It It, Igracious! You thinkl' m nota woman? .
SCENE 3
I I t1I1'tmeanto-
Head Office of the Liquidation Service. The DIRECTOR sits at hiI I, your pardon. . h here any
III III h 'r words, your colleague mig t appear
covered with masses of papers, next to the SECRETARY, who is c
out the liquidation. She is taking papers and files from the DIRECT I
and stamping them with various rubber stamps. Having classifid . We must hurry. . the basket
object, she puts it into a huge basket, placed nearby. The following
•.,,,1 the SECRETARYhasClassijiedandputtnlOL•
lmr""" . hefi llowingdialogueshe takes tne
dialogue does not in a~ way interfere with the process of liquida . /"'/'"
. Dunng to.. ttnto; he b~ ket:mThe same
I ,11 • tie, stamps it ~nd throwSl untilthe
DIRECTOR: Miss- "UUi",n ,mth his jacket, shirt and ,trOUS~. "" ear )
., ,If eme the DIRECTOR will stay tn hts underw .
SECRETARY: Yes?
YIIII Ihe list of the liquidation forms?
DIRECTOR: May I ask you something?
SECRETARY: Go on.
~d the list of the delimitation norms?
DIRECTOR: Will this liquidation take a long time?
SECRETARY: Why do you ask? Nn not that one.
DIRECTOR: You don't want to go to bed?
Si~e (referring to the tie)?
SECRET ARY: What do you mean by that? 11 No size. Regular,lsuppose. .' alid ith t
n t the list of the liquidation forms 1S inv Wl ou
DIRECTOR: Nothingwrong- ,uU ,
SECRETARY: It shouldn't take long. The organizational structure I \If the
delimitation norms. ed b li t
'Il W uldn't a list of liquidation norms support ya s
of the Inauguration Service allows us to proceed in a new wa
h
- under letter C - which is a combination ofletters A and B. I I I lIlilation forms ~ enouulg ? ak the whole liquidation
, : That, I'm afraid, wo dm e
I'm working from the bottom under letter A - which is the
preliminary registrationally formal liquidation - and my I ilL bi ~ aP
Goodness isn't this norm a It orm .
colleague works from the top under letter B - which is the
: ~ ~: On the c~ntrarY, it's a perfectly normal form.
proper, normal delimitationalliquidation. We simply proc
from opposite directions towards each other. 1111,/linguP thejacket.) Size?
DIRECTOR: I see. So you're going to meet somewhere in the I IUK: Forty.
middle- I I A Y: Lining a bittorn-
I I ) : I'd hate to argue, butwhere-
SECRET ARY: Well, not exactly. According to the liquidation
harmonogram, we should meet on the third floor. But ies KY: By the left sleeve.
, •••
~te possiIile That my colleague will be there before me. He I IOK: I'd hate to argue, butwhere- .I'Col1ected
works very hard. I I ARY: ltwasstipulatedin the Volumeo}
DIRECTOR: Some fool, eh? IlIluida~Decrees. but where were the decrees enacted?
SECRETARY: Please don't speak of him like this! At least not in my
I ~':.~:;!~:;~Iiquidation Action Committee Meeting.
presence-
28 29
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
III h re any minute to do letter B - Oh God! I'm not a
DIRECTOR: And where were they unanimously voted on?
SECRETARY: At last year's Liquidation Conference. III 11, "m
a tree!
milk out sobbing. The DIRECTOR goes to the basket, opens
DIRECTOR: And finally validated?
.,..lltlr a while stares sadly inside. Then he sighs.)
SECRETAR Y: At the Liquidation Sitting of the year before
which you yourself inaugurated, quite nicely, as a ma I1 I ifficult times-
" , 11 while he collects himself, sits down at this ~sk. His .
I fact. You quoted Shakespeare, remember? 'Shall I com 1••1 " gin to close. He struggles against his sleepiness, parnally
thee to a summer's day' -
DI ECTOR: 'Thou art more lovely and more temperate' - , r .)
SECRETARY: And then, 'When daffodils begin to peer'- I I Iry and hold out! (Falls asleep.)
(I H' r , still wearing the papier~macbe nose) Hello there,
DIRECTOR: 'With height the doxy of the dale' -
SECRETARY: And then from Sramek, 'Farewell clover, 'tis tb 1'\ d ,
III (Jumps up at once)What? - Ab yes! Yes - that s me-
end'-
DIRECTOR: 'I may no longer call him friend' - 11 ortof-
SECRETARY: Oh God! (Bursts into tears.) v y u quite a turn, eh?
DIRECTOR: There, there, miss! There's lots of good fish in the
I I \I On the contrarY! Thank you!
, \ n It down! We're human, aren't we? Well, how are the
sea! Chin up, old girl- you're a woman-
SECRET ARY: (Recovers and at once resumes her official tone) Soy 1111 y ?
don't know the stipulation regarding the list of delimita . III • Thanks. Liver.
I III thing. Aren't we sort of among ourselves? Eh?
norms?
DIRECTOR: 'A thousand violins and flutes I heard' - and so I III Yes - of course-
•

missed the stipulation. (I duse.)

11 how are things, chum? How are we?
SECRETARY: There you are! If this was another sort ~f liquida
III : Well, we know - we live - we inaugurate - ~
I could perhaps turn a blind eye-
DIRECTOR: What sort of liquidation is this? ( ,mxi that we live! Let's live!
SECRET AR Y: This is liquidation through delimitation.
DIRECTOR: Does it mean we'll be reassigned?
'"" I ilK:
.)Wellnow-howdowe-sotosay-~- .
I lh t _ so to say - depends on us, doesn't 1t.
SECRETARY: To the tinkers, probably. , . ")
DIRECTOR: Blimy, 'ow are we to be organized? I III : No doubt - it does, doesn ut.
SECRET ARY: In so-called 'col-rinks', I suppose, which are sort II IIU$ .)

complex collectives made up of one tinker and eight 1 we're the boss here, are we?
11

inaugurators each. I IlHt: We are.

DIRECTOR: Are the col-tinks going to inaugurate, or to rink? I Ilanest?

I I OR: If it's all right with us - yes - honest! I .
SECRETARY: Tink of course. Collar?
In W 11,
that's quite stimulating! We respect .
us. We
. .
think
DIRECTOR: Sixteen.
" I, ort of pretty honourable and responsible posiuon we
SECRETARY: Well - that sort of winds up letter A. (Folds her
papers and closes the basket.) Now I'm going up to the next
floor. I'll collect the basket on the way back. My colleague
'Ihold 1 DoNo,wethanks
I OR:
smoke? ")
- We've been expecting us, we know.

31
30
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
SO the work will just hum along.
We've been looking forward - shall we sit down? Do we
smoke? III 1
HUGO: No, thanks. We know - we sort of appreciate the' I'romise? . ..
You see I've a number of qualities and potentialities
. significance of the Inauguration Service within the
., 1 III rly suited to inaugurating and I understand, I think,
frame~ork of.o~ society - and the inspiring significance
., III t meaning and its mission. .
the skipper Within the framework of the Inauguration
,.11 Iultugurating, to my mind, is sort of a specific form of
Service - d~ smoke?
\ III I I till, isn't it?
DIRECTOR: No, tlr"anks.@know, not that we wouldn't like
. nut it's also its specific method.
rink, we'd love to rink, but - how should we put it - do
III Wcll- form or method?
smoke? I ,,11,. It's precisely this peculiar unity which guarantees
HUGO: No, thanks. Soon this'll be sort of our second home
believe. ~ we right? ' I I I fi ity.
• Stimulating!
DIRECTOR: We am. DO we smoke? III

HUGO: No, we don't. 11'1 it?

• JlIII. All right, but what is specificfor the content of
DIRECTOR: Oh!
(Pause.) 1111 IIf1ltion?
HUG~: Ifwe.may, ~e'd like to start sort offrom Eve. Already I 11 pecific form.
I I : Stimulating!
little child we inaugurated all our little childish games -
DIRECTOR:Ch~g! . I I', it?
I III : All right, but what is specific for the form of
HUGO: When we grew up a bit-
DIRECTOR: As a generation? 11 11 uration?
HUGO: As an individual. I've never set up any artificial barriers , 11 pecific method.
I III : timulating!
between the generations.
DIRECTOR: Neither have I. I nil it?
• IIIK: All right, but what is specific for the method of
HUGO: All people are really one generation, aren't they?
DIRECTOR: Absolutely. uration?
11 11

HUGO: Well then, when I grew up a bit I inaugurated all school I 11

pecific content.
I1 III : Thrice stimulating!
celebrations and parties.
1 I n't it, isn't it, isn't it?
DIRECTOR: Nice!
I ) : ltis. th~
RUGO: And untilnow I've never let an opportunity for I _. And ~ spec.ific interrelation might be called tiel 1
inaugurating slip by -
1I • inaugurauon tnangle.
DIRECTOR: Impressive!
RUGO: Thanks. I IOR: Oh? .' . 1\
11 Vs. While the specific character of this mangle is .
DIRECTOR: I'm glad it's precisely you who've come to us. . gul . J
RUGO: Thank you.
I" r 'isely its tnan anty. -..J
DIRECTOR: Clearly, you'll appreciate our particular situation. I1 JOR: Oh?
IIII'V- •
RUGO: I'll do my best.
33
32
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
DIRECTOR: This is indeed a stimulating contribution to the
burning problems of inauguration theory. I (11, why don't you sort of inaugurate it?
HUGO: Isn't it? I'm glad we understand each other. w nt to try me out first, eh?! And what am I
1111

DIRECTOR: SOam I. Very glad. I I • c« I·10 inaugurate. ;> .

I I Wh t? Well, you know what!
HUGO: I'm always glad when I meet somebody who's sort of
I Will t?
to me. I mean in the way of opinions and emotions. Go
call me Hugo! Do you smoke? . I 11 rh liquidation!
DIRECTOR: No thanks, Hugo. And you? Do call me Ernie! 11•• liquidation? Of what?
HUGO: Thanks, Ernie, neither do I. And you? I )j the Inauguration Service of course! .
DIRECTOR: No thanks, Hugo. And you? I'
I 1I A bloody genius thought up that one! Obviously
III cl Iwith booby-traps. But I won't be booby-trapped,
HUGO: Not at all. Listen, Ernie, why don't you think of me 81
SOrt of your father! uowl
DIRECTOR: And you of me as your mother! Oh?
HUGO: Mummy- III1'tl

(MRS PL UDEK looks out from the wings.) I I W 11 who's going to inaugurate it?
11111 , - surely - the responsi ibl e mau~a
Well . t or.I
MRS PL UDEK: Did you Want anything, love?
HUGO: From you - nothing. '1' l'he responsible inaugurator?
But the inaugurators ;>
(MRS PLUDEKdisappears.) I 11111 inugurate when they are being liquidated, can they.
Well now, as a matter of fact, I came- I ht. That's why it ought to be inaugurated by the
I .11ible liquidation officer! .
DIRECTOR: I know why you came, Hugo. But don't worry, I'll
meet you halfway. I agree with you entirely. About time II 'I he responsible liquidation officer? But the Job of a
happened! You'll be pleased with me, you'll see! IIIICIlion officer is to liquidate, not to inaugurate! .
I ht. That's ~t!H-bellee~peeiaL
HUGO: You know, I mean it, Ernie, really, you see-I think I
11 urational training of liquidation offi~
belong here among you - sort of - am I right?
DIRECTOR: Right! I III Oh? - - . .. ;>
HUGO: It's clear we'll get along fabulously! I r ther, a li uidational trammg of maugurators.
DIRECTOR: We're lucky, that's all. Do you smoke? 1II1l. Well, you oughtto know. .
HUGO: No. And you? I if both trainings were organized at the same ~e.
t
DIRECTOR: No. III 11 urators will be training liquidation officers, while

HUGO: Listen, Ernie, cross your heart, aren't you a sort of It 11I"lltion officers will be training inaugura~ors: .
non-smoker? I I ilK: And will it then be inaugurated by ~ liquidation
DIRECTOR: Goodness no! Not I! ." I r trained by an inaugurator, or by an inaugurator
HUGO: I see. 1 III d by a liquidation officer? .
'I An ther training will have to be organized. . .
DIRECTOR: Oh well- what about getting down to business?
HUGO: That's up to you, isn't it? It's you who's at home here. I'
III u urationaUy trained liquidation office~ ~g
the intruder. I quidationally trained ~~~tors, an~ liqwdah:0nalIy
DIRECTOR: On the contrary. I'm the one who's delaying you, I1 III d inaugurators trammg inaugurationally trained
liquidation officers.
34
35

THE GARDEN PARTY
DlRECT~R: ~d will it then be inaugurated by a liquidatio
~~ed ~augurator trained by an inaugurationally
~q~da~on officer, or by an .inaugurationally trained
~qwdauon officer trained by a liquidationally trained
inaugurator?
HUGO: By the latter of course!
DIRECTOR: I see !ou've thought the matter through to the e
theory. But m practice we're faced with the necessity to
~an~ to ~et to bed as soon as possible. Besides, the
liqw~uon of the Inauguration Service will be no probl
mean It! My papers are all in order and letter A is already
finished.
HUGO: Is the Inauguration Service being liquidated?
DIRECTOR: Unfortunately.
HUGO: (Takes offhis papier-mache nose and puts it on the desk)
What do you mean 'unfortunately'? You mean fortunately
don't you?
DlRECTO~: Well, yes, I mean fortunately. I did say fortunately.
HUGO: Did you really say fortunately?
DlRE~TOR: Of course. I wouldn't have said unfortunately, wo
HUGO: All right, I'm going to believe you did say fortunately. W<
must have sort offaith in man, mustn't we? Unfortunately.
DIRECTOR: You mean fortunately, don't you?
HUGO: Of course I mean fortunately. You mean it's unfortunate
DlaECTOR: I mean nothing of the sort. Now look here. We all
kno~ very well that the Inauguration Service is an outworn
vestige of the past. And while it cannot be denied that in th
era of the struggle against certain manifestations of
bureaucratism in the activity of the Liquidation Office the
Inauguration Service has played - thanks to certain
maugurators who by means of a healthy unconventional
fresh, dynamic approach to man manag~ to hew their w~y
even through this unploughed field to many valuable ideas-
no doubt-
HU 0.: A.positive role, nevertheless there exists a danger of
sinking-
THE GARDEN PARTY
III1II li ral extremism - which would happen to any
I 11" I\) ee these positive short-term characteristics
1111 I (pective of the later development of the
I III Imll ervice -
11 I hCl failed to see behind their possibly positive intent
I I la ubjective point of view - . .
IIa i clearly negative impact - from the obJecuve
VI·W-
, III
I" ,It) used by the fact that as a res~t of~.
I It hy I lation of the whole office certaUl posmve
III ill the work of the Inauguration Service were
I I I Hy overrated, and at the same time certain negative
11 1'1 In the work of the Liquidation Office were one-
\! V III nified, which finally resulted in the fact that the
(,.It I)IRECTOR cannot keep pace with HUGO any more.)
" 11 I h new activization of all the positive forces inside
I 1\1110 tion Office placed the Liquidation Office once
I 11 Ihe forefront of our work as a firm and mighty
III IUllo of our unity, it was unforronately precisely the
It III lion Service which succumbed-
I1 I : 'I 0 the hysterical atmosphere of certain imprudent
\luating themselves by means of effective argumen~
III
11 [rom
the arsenal of abstract humanistic cant - which l
, v r in reality did not span the confines o~the generallj
," VI rat ionalized types of work - and these cliches are
tI•• red in their typical form, for example, ~ -
\1 Ill. The hackneyed machinery - .~
I)\Ih pseudo-familiar inaugurational ~hraseology hiding
I I IIlO the routine of professional humamsm a profound
.1 ,,,\ton of opinions which finally ~d necessarily led the .
III \I uration Service into the posmon of one who
111111 rmines the positive endeavour of the .Liq~dation O~ce
III rds consolidation, and the absolute his~on~ ~ecesslty
1,1 11 this is expressed in the wise act of its liqwdauon.
I I nR: I couldn't agree more. . .1 .
11 You keep agreeing, but you do nothing about It. This way
37
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
we'll never finish the liquidation. Time is money. B .
cup of coffee! imprudent excesses in the activity of the
11 III

DIRECTOR: Excuse me, but- III I 1111 S

rvice the Liquidation Office has played-
'~!""'!!'III r-rtain wise liquidational interventions - an
HUGO: Mter all this, I can't imagine what the hell you m
'but'! I1 Itlt t1ty positive role, nevertheless nothing but sinking
III un ntal hankering after the past-
DIRECTOR: I don't mean 'but', but I want to say _ but-
HUGO: SO, on to~ of everything, you want to say 'but'! ,n
I •• hureaucratic conservatism - ...
DIRECTOR: I don t want to say 'but', but- I him who fails to see the work of the Liquidation

HUGO: Perhaps you don't want to say 'but but' but d "I"" Ihe perspective of its later developme~t when
'b ' , you 0 It'IJIIDY imprudent liquidational interventions
to. say ut,' and that's quite enough! You can't but me
WIth your buts', you know! , I " lily positive elements in the work of the
III UIIO Service-
DIRECTOR: Excuse me, but - how much sugar do you take?
, I. quidation Office undoubtedly played a n~ga~ve.
HUGO: ~wenty-four lumps. And do stop messing about!
no tune for tongue-twisters! It I la was the result of the activities of some liquidation
(The. DIR.ECTORbacks out in terror. HUGO becomes the
.,
111Iprogressively superimposed -. .. .
the SJ~tton. He fOCes.importantly up and down the stage,
I I ,It 'r) The administrative
part of liquidation pracnce
examt~ everyth,ng wtth an official air, finally opens the b I
I ocial content, with the result that th e activity.. 0fth e '''I
and begms to throw out of it with disgust the DIRECTOR's
I1 I1 Iton Office assumed an unhealthy, sterile character,
clothes. The CLERK enters, papers in hand to nMh_ L~.
of liquidating.) , Cv •••• nue ms 11 w thus wrenched from life-

CLERK: Good evening. Well, let's get down to business shall

annot keep pace with HUGO a~ more.)
HUGO: Let's! Where's the safe? ' 11I1 drawn into the muddy waters offossilized

CLERK: You ought to know that! I 11 r tism which necessarily opened the door to the
III ible activity of a small gang of liquidational
HUGO: You don't work here? Good evening.
CLERK: I came here to work. mur rs who abused-
HUGO: Well, where do you work? I It wise endeavour - .
Iow rds the suppression of certain one-sided exc~ ID
CLERK: At the Liquidation Office. (Offers his hand to HUGo.)
I uvity of the Inauguration Service so as demagogically
How do you do. I'm losef Dolezal.
HUGO: You want to work here? (I I -k all its positive forces which successfully ~e

CLERK: I've got to work here. 11I11 h the era of its temporary crisis, and by their new .
I f ( • ching activization managed to place the Inauguration
HUGO: Is the Liquidation Office being liquidated?
I , Vlt again in the forefront of our endeavour towards a
-- CLERK: Is the Liquidation Office suPposed to be liquidated?
III tion of faulty methods and thus imposed on the
HUGO: (Shakes hands with the CLERK)How do you do. I'm H
Pludek. You mean it ought not to be liquidated? I quidation Office the role of an actual brake on our p i
.1 vc lopment and ?tu~ liter~y forced our era to perform th~
CLERK.:I ~~ nothing ~f the SOrt. We all know very well that
I ,Id act of its liquidation. SIgned, Hugo Pludek.
LIqwdatlon ~ffice ISan outworn vestige of the past. And
even though It cannot be denied that in the era of the s
I couldn't agree more. Signed, Josef DoI~.
'" ou'd better agree! (Points at the clothes which he had been
38
39
 THE GARDEN PARTY
throwi"!K ~bout. a while ago.) See this mess? It's their work!
The LIqwdatIon Office is being liquidated and th .
liquiidati ey Just
tmg here as if nothing was the matter.
CLERK: Is the Liquidation Office indeed being li ida d:l
HUG ] . " qur te.
.0: .ust .Imagme. Even now when they've been earmarked tl
extInctIon they're acting as if the place belonged to them It
makes me sick! I'm going to go there. Now! .
(HUGO briskly walks out. The DIRECTOR arrives with a cup 0
coffee. When he sees the CLERK he halts.)
DIRECTOR: Good evening.
CLERK: Good evening.
DIRECTOR: Assistant?
CLERK: Whose?
DIRECTOR: Of the chap who's liquidating here.
CLERK: I beg your pardon! I wouldn't assist those who act as if
the place belonged to them even now when they've long
rm rked for extinctionl
(T,.. I>l~ , TOR drops the cup. Freezes, amazed.)
(" IIy U d rath.er foolish to liquidate at the very time the
l.i411 d lion om 1 beine liquidated The ab di f
h . . -0 • sur ty 0 sue
viour W pointed out to me by Hugo Plud k him If
IIIRJlCTOk: Who's he? e se .
l.tkK: I'm ~rry, I do~'t know precisely, but he seems to be very
closely mvolved WIththe liquidation of the Liquidation
Office. Who knows, perhaps he's actually in charge of it
(Paus.e. The DIRECTOR picks up the cup.) Oh well I'd be'
be going. , tter
DIRE~TOR: (Suddenly slaps him on the back) Don't go away' Do
SItdown! Let's have a little chat shall we:lNow t II .
'. ,eme '
whdid
y you come here? What for?
CLERK: We~, you know - just like that - to have a look around-
have a little chat - oh well, I'd better be going _
DIRECTOR: (Again slaps him on the back) Don't go away' Do .
d?wn! Let's have a little chat, shall we? Now, tell ~e :~t
did you come here? What for? ' y
CLERK: We~, you know - just like that - to have a look around-
have a little chat - oh well, I'd better be going-
40
THE GARDEN PARTY
I OR: (Again slaps him on the back) Don't go away! Do sit
lownl Let's have a little chat, shall we? Now, tell me, why
tI cl you come here? What for? .
Well you know - just like that - to have a look around-
I ve a little chat - (suddenly explodes.) Good gracious! Why
IIthi fuss! I simply didn't know about it, that's all!
" I OR: (Calming him down) Gracious, why all this fuss? You
mply didn't know about it, that's all! .
( aiming down) I simply didn't know about It, that's all.
I I OR: You simply didn't know about it, that's all.
. ( aimed down) Gracious, why all this fuss?
I1 I OR: Gracious, aren't we friends?
. What?
I C J OR: We're friends, aren't we?
: What did you say?
I C I R: I said we're friends.
: What do you mean by that?
I le: r R: Good gracious, don't you know? Aren't we all sons of
111\ big mother, damn it!?
, I I : That's not the point. The point is, I'd better go and
liquidate the Liquidation Office. Bye - see you later-
heerio!
(,[,he CLERK walks out. The DIRECTOR looks about
()nspiratorially a few times, then very carefully drags out from
hi desk a stuffed sack and puts it on top. HUGO enters. The
DIRECTOR, alarmed, hides the sack again inside his desk.)
IIIC 0: What the hell are you doing?
u 1111, .TOR: What? Nothing. I'm liquidating-
I 1110: Come, come, old boy! You don't really mean it, do you?
You wouldn't want to be liquidating at the very time the
Liquidation Officer is being liquidated! Goodness, you're a
grown-up man, you wouldn't want to act like a child now,
would you? Or are you perhaps trying to make me r~port on
you above? If you insist on digging your own grave m the
name of sham heroism - by all means! But in that case I can't
be expected to master myself!
Itl RECTOR: It's the liquidation I'm liquidating - the liquidation!
41
 THE GARDEN PARTY
THE GARDEN PARTY
(rhe DIRECTOR climbs into the basket. The SECRETARY
HUGO: Let's hope so! Has Dolezalleft?
DIRE~j:R: Ith'mte~ibly sorry, he's left. But I may be abl t "tMS.)
I I'ARY: 'When daffodils begin to peer - '
on e stairs Shall I . e 0
HUGO: I was on . . run and see if I can catch him? I I c, [ R: 'With height the doxy of the dale - '
the L' .daID;yway to give the chaps a hand with liquida ('fhe SECRETARY steps into the basket as though it were a river.
ac~q~ ~on Office and I clean forgot to ask who's
I'he lid slowly closes.)
horse': :O:th~e. You see, I'd like to go straight to the

DIRECTOR: Pludek. SCENE 4

HUGO: Which? Hugo?
DIRECTOR: That's the one.
Ill" theflat of the Pludekfamily. Present are: PLUDEK and MRS
HUGO: Good. I'll go and see him righ
any rumpus in this place. I quitet:;.~:ope you won't s I IIImK, both in night-clotheS.
hate to be forced to send yo . . y , you know, and
Well- be good' B' u spmnmg out of here like a to I IIIH!K: Besides, as far as Japan is concerned - what time is it,
. ye.
(HUGO briskly walks out, then he re .. - ictually?
nose, puts it on and lea turns for hISpapier-mach l'L UDEK: Almost six. Did you hear that?
while, then he puts his oes. TheO:;IRECTOR stares after himfor I , \J I)EK: He should have been here by now. Hear what?

drag out his sack 1H1"~tly after

he HUGO, again carefully PL UDEK: Unless he was a bit delayed. Isn't it footsteps?
h . {, . ' y- aen on I desk and suddenl I , IfDEK: What do you mean, 'delayed'? It's the wind. Besides, as
.t'I)Urwusly. TheSECRETARYenlerS !)IS
I (R TARV: Hittin th sack? A in? .) far as Japan is concerned-
PL UDEK: He might have got drunk at the garden party.
I
IH croa: 'orry-I'msorry- gam
You're right, it's only the wind.
(H tri s to hide the sack ickl b I I UDEK: He drinks nothing but milk, and I bet there was no milk
wrenches itfrom h' ndqu !)I,. ~ SECRETARY energericaUy
Im a throws It In the basket ) on tap there. Isn't it footsteps, after all? Besides, as far as
SECRETARY: Aren't you ashamed? Y think .
we all must carry on! Was J~f~u;l we aren't tired? B Japan is concerned-
MR PLUDEK: Why shouldn't there be milk on tap? If there are
DIRECTOR: Dolezal? ere. milk bars, why not milk garden parties? Is it really footsteps?
SECRETARY: Yes. 1'1. UDEK: I haven't thought of that. No question, he got stoned on
DIRECTOR: He left some time ago milk and delayed. Who'd be walking in the pantry at this
SECRETARY: Be glad you're nota' , .
DIRECTOR: Wouldn't yo lik woman. (Bursts Into tears.) hour? It's the wind.
unofficially? Y due to stay ~ moment? Sort of MRS PL UDEK: Was it in the pantry? But I closed the window
. ou 0 need some distra .
. all, you too are only hum , cnon, you know. Aft there last night.
an. 1'1. UDEK: Footsteps? After all? I'm going to go there and see!
S ECRETARY: You should be asham What did I actually want to say about Japan? (Walks offstage
resolutely out.) ed of yourselfl (Marches
and bangs on a door.) I repeat: Who's there? Who's there? I
DIRECTOR: One goes around so long luggin a li . .
that one day it gets left behind Oh g quidation basket repeat: Open up at oncel Open up at once!
. take a nap. . well- at least I've place ~ (He backs onstage in terror,foUowed piltily by AMANDA and

43