Dear Lord, please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth... Amen.

Have you ever just looked at someone and automatically felt annoyed?

, By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!,

I don't hate you .. I've just lost all respect for you.,

Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people.

, As I get older I think I am developing more patience. Turns out I just don't give a SHIT!

, If someone seriously wants to be part of you life: They will seriously make an effort to be in it., I'm
currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me, you're one of them.

, The great thing about living in a small town is...if I don't know what i'm doing someone else does!

, Don't Fall in Love. Fall off a bridge, it probably hurts less

., I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.,

I wouldn't have to be such a smartass if you weren't such a dumbass.

Well, someone had a big bowl of bitchflakes today.

You’ll never find the right person if you don’t let go of the wrong one.

, An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of who you shouldn't go for again in the future.

, Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot I only exist to you when you need something.,

I may look calm, but in my head, I've killed you three times.

, "Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulemic, and Malnourished.",

Ever look at your ex and just think, "was i drunk our whole relationship?",

Trust No Man, Fear No Bitch, Dont Kiss Ass Or Chase No Dick....,

Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.,

The feeling you STILL get when you reunite with someone from your past <3,

Friendship isn't about whom you've known the longest. It's about who came, and never left your side.,

Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life..:)

, A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't
know son, I'm still paying.",

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.,

Heres a condom. i figured since youre acting like a dick, you should dress like one.,
i text you, bc i miss you. when i don't, i'm waiting for you to miss me.,

The feeling you get when someone you're just getting to know and like holds your hand :),

I WISH I HAD MY MOM I TRULY MISS HER TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOM CAUSE YOU DONT KNOW HOW
LONG YOU HAVE HER,

Knowing that you always have someone who loves you no matter what happens!

, When you reconnect with someone from your past that you had amazing chemistry with <3,

*1 friend request* (250 friends in common) "... i still dont know you lol"

, GIRLS! Please stop making the duck face in your pics. It is not cute..AT ALL.

, When you love someone, it shouldnt matter how far apart in age yall r, just the fact that u see yourself
happy with them!!!,

smiling and saying everything is fine, even though you feel your heart breaking and the tears in your
eyes...,

A true friend won't let you do something stupid . . . . by yourself .

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will
lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...

, ANY DICK CAN MAKE A BABY BUT IT TAKES A MAN TO BE A DADDY

Fall in love with someone who deserves your heart. Not someone who plays with it.,

Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil,

When your ex says "you will never find anyone like me" and you reply "thats the point" :),

A TRUE FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO SEES THE PAIN IN YOUR EYES WHILE EVERYONE ELSE BELIEVES
THE FAKE SMILE .,

lyrics that explain exactly how you feel,

If karma doesnt knock you out soon, I will.,