I want to stop writing the poem I think I should write and simply

Write the poem that is squeezing out of my chest

Which is

Nothing like the poem I want to write, a poem of beauty and rememberances

Of tough love and endurance

I want to write a poem about how I am going to keep going and the fucking

Bike in the shop or out of it just sticks in my craw right now

I want to be free of bikes and dogs and god and the whole idea that

I owe the world my niceness when it keeps sticking its pain

Down my throat in ways that make it impossible for me to sing

I want to say to my friends, quit projecting wonderwoman on me

The oh so very strong and resilient one the one who inspires you

I am tired of being inspirational and would like to know the

Deep down satisfaction of simply being safe in the world.

Quit telling me to be warm and fed as I lie bleeding by the side of the road

Quit telling me that you want to do anything for me while

I am here shredded heart in hand, more and more convinced that the idea of

Community is just a joke we tell ourselves so we don’t know

How alone we really feel in our deepest chambers. You love me

When I’m winning.

What will you do now that I have lost

Everything

Again.

How is that anything I can hope for.