 1

The most important thing is to learn about women. If you never understand women in
general, how will you understand your girl? Women are very maternal creatures: they love
taking care of things. That's why she cooks you great meals, or worries when you don't call after
you've driven home. Understand that she is not being excessively clingy; it is a natural part of
being a woman, and therefore part of who she is. Perceive it as a good thing; women are only
inclined to do this if they genuinely love and care about you a great deal. If she has stopped
doing these things, there's something wrong! Most women are also very naturally affectionate
and will often smother you with hugs and kisses and the like. The fact is, most will; that's how
they think they are showing their love for you. If you feel this is a little too much, tell her gently
that you like/love her a lot, but you're not ready for so much attention just yet. This won't hurt
her feelings, but she will get the message. Remember also that women have been raised around
stories that end in girls finding the 'Perfect Man', become a Princess and live happily ever after.
Therefore, it is ingrained into their subconsciousness that they must find a man who is perfect in
every way. While this is basically impossible, this article will help you understand what will
make her happy, without changing your own personality. 2
Tell her you love her, make sure you mean it.
 3
Tell her she's beautiful and mean it. Compliment her not only on her looks, but also on her
accomplishments, talents and abilities. Always be sincere.
 4
Be confident. Be proud of being her boyfriend. There are appropriate times and places for
affection. Kissing and intimate touching does not usually go over well in public. But don't be too
shy to hold her hand in public because you shouldn't be ashamed that she's yours.
 5
Never lie. This can taint the relationship and reduce her trust in you considerably.
 6
Do not argue in public and cause a scene. This will humiliate her and she'll think twice about
going out with you again. Similarly, If you and your girl have an argument, don't do or say things
to her that are mean and spiteful. That will make her think that you're a maniac.
 7
Do NOT flirt with other girls at any time, especially when she's around. It means you're not
loyal to your girl or your relationship with her. Most girls will view it as cheating and you just
might lose her. Don't be stupid.
 8
Don't ever let her suffer from back-seat syndrome. Granted, you might have very close
female friends who have been around longer. But if you appear to enjoy spending more time
with them than your girlfriend - and she has noticed - she may be suffering from what girls call
'back seat syndrome'. Think: how would you like it if she preferred hanging out with guy friends
to you? What if she hung out with her guy friend alone? What if she was constantly texting other
guys in your company? If she starts to mention that she is feeling second-place, change your
attitude quickly, but don't let your female friends slip out of the picture. Find balance. Don't text
them in her company, and let her know that you prefer spending time with her than other girls.
Like you would with other guys, she will naturally begin to assume they are a threat. Don't lie to
her; you should genuinely enjoy spending time with your girl. If you are attracted to one of your
female friends, it is a good idea to cut the communication short; it is highly likely your girlfriend
will notice, and ultimately will start to consider how loyal you are to her.
 9
Don't start getting lazy about how you look just because you think she's yours. Continue
trying to impress her because she might just lose interest if you begin to slack off.
 10
If you're with your friends, never ignore her and start talking with your friends or walk off
with them as if she's not there. How would you feel if she did this to you? Invisible? Make sure
you pay attention to her when you're with your friends. Think about it - she's a friend too.
Girlfriend. If you're with a group of mates, make sure she doesn't feel left out if she doesn't know
them well. Glance at her every so often just to let her know you know she's still there, or offer a
genuine smile.
 11
Become friends with her friends. It gives you more things in common with your girl.
Eventually, her friends will love you, and that's a definite turn-on for your girlfriend.
 12
Make a good impression on her parents. Even if you don't particularly like them, they can be
your greatest allies in the long run.
 13
BE THOUGHTFUL. The small things matter the most. Be a gentleman; hold doors open for
her, be polite and be helpful. Ask her if she's cold when it's cold out; have a jacket or a sweater
handy so you can give it to her. When she isn't feeling well, or home sick; bring her some soup,
hot tea or flowers. Hold her hand at the movies or when you're walking. Get her something just
because. Make her happy by buying her little gifts. Small things like a single flower or a bag of
her favourite candy or a chocolate bar will go a long way. Girls love that.
 14
Remember important dates. This is a big deal with women. Birthdays, anniversaries and other
milestones are all opportunities to show her how special she is to you. When it's her birthday,
bring her breakfast in bed and some flowers. When it's your anniversary, book something special
for you both to let her know how much you appreciate and love her. Remember that women have
the idea of being spoiled on these occasions embedded into their psyche from the media. Rose
petals on your bed, dinner at a beautiful restaurant - she will have some expectations, and if she
is realistic she will not expect much.
 15
Remember what she likes and dislikes. How does she like her eggs cooked? What is her
favorite flower? Is she a morning person? She will be very impressed that you have been paying
attention. Be thoughtful.
 16
Touch her regularly. Even the slightest touch can make a woman feel special. Hold her hand,
give her a hug or gently touch her face--these gestures will all make her feel protected and loved.
 17
Write her love notes. They don't have to be long, mushy and poetic if you're not the type. But
try to make them cute and show her that you care. This is a great way to be romantic. Tell her
that your lucky that you found her. She loves it when you say it. Just be sure you mean it.
 18
Every woman loves a bit of alone time with her partner. Book a whole day for the two of you
to be alone. Watch a movie at home, massage her back, snuggle and be intimate. She will love
you for it.
 19
Share your everyday events and thoughts with your girl. Being open and communicative
makes her feel like you want her in your life. On the same note, listen to her advice even if you
don't agree. Keep an open ear.
 20
Listen to her. The number one complaint many women have regarding men is that they don't
listen. Even if you're not particularly interested in what she's saying, listen, then acknowledge
that you were listening. Let her know that you are the one that she can talk to about anything! Be
there for her through thick and thin. She will feel comfortable with you and trust you.
 21
Always stand up for her no matter what. It shows her that you are always on her side.
 22
Lastly, if you want her to be yours forever, let her know you're there for her when she
needs, be by her side, and most importantly make her feel loved, special, safe and
protected. Your woman wants to be your queen so treat her as such and you'll have no problem.
 23
Love her.
 24
If she wants to pay for something, let her.

How To Make Your Girlfriend Eternally Happy

1. Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her
the number 2 rule follows.
2. Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for
her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal,
or kill to do it.
3. Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if
you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it
and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be
about 1 foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics,
but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the
better.
4. Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've
heard about submissive women. They actually rule every
 relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive,
guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
5. Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She
will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight
of HelloKitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies,
bunnies, as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other trinkets
and knick-knacks. Also, she will understand perfectly well if
you pout over the smallest perceived slight or slip and demand
to be appeased, assuaged, or made up to. If you behave any
other way, she will never understand it.
6. Dress like a PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble
of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you, herself.
7. Remove EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON
YOUR SCALP. The sight of a whisker on your face reminds her
that somewhere inside you, something is trying to grow. You
must not grow - you must be as unchanging and constant as the
firmament.
8. There are NO MORE RULES to making your girlfriend
eternally happy. If any situation arises which you feel the
rules have not addressed, you are mistaken - immediately
refer to the primary rules #1 and #2 - they are the solution
in every such case.

5 Things Women Will Never Understand

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best.
Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute
they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose
hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it's annoying that women spend
more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do
wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they'll never
understand...
1. Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive
version of just about everything.

Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and

use corkscrews that resemble offshore drilling equipment is
well documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for
terms like "professional" or "industrial strength," because
inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever
imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these
purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish
fulfillment played out at a higher testosterone level. But
occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once
boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with
"operating theater quality air." I kept him away from my
surgical steel steak knives.

2. Why we are so bad at shopping.

We've never been trained to do it the right way.

Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males -- which is
why if you send a man out to get eggs, sugar and bread, you
should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of
beer, a pair of jeans and a tree.

3. The reason why we don't like to discuss The Relationship.

Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those conversations

that start with questions like "Are you really happy?" and
"Where do you see us going?" A relationship is a delicate
thing, like an antique clock, and we know what will happen if we
start picking it apart. Often our reticence will result in a
lengthy conversation about why we have trouble talking
about... "The Relationship."

4. Why we think we can fix things.

 Almost all men believe they can repair virtually anything with a
little patience. In reality, we're only half right. Men are
extremely good at taking things apart: whether it's a
dishwasher or an antique clock, a man can break it down to its
most basic components in no time. Unfortunately, this is where
our expertise usually leaves off, and we're mostly satisfied
with leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper on the
kitchen table.

5. Men and video games.

Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge

chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen. When a man
repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he has to work late and
routinely comes home at two in the morning all glassy eyed,
she will usually take this as evidence of an affair -- when it's
more likely that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making
the rounds at the office.

Women's English

Yes No
No Yes
Maybe No
I'm sorry. You'll be sorry.
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk I need to complain
Sure... go ahead I don't want you to.
I'm not upset Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient I want a new house.
I want new curtains and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there
I heard a noise
Do you love me?
How much do you love me?
I'll be ready in a minute.
Is my butt fat?
You have to learn to
communicate.
Are you listening to me!?
Was that the baby?
I'm not yelling!
NO, I mean hang it there!
I noticed you were almost asleep.
I'm going to ask for something expensive.
I did something today you're really not going to like.
Kick off your shoes and find a game on TV.
Tell me I'm beautiful.
Just agree with me.
Too late, you're dead.
Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to
sleep.
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Marriage Definitions

 Bachelor
1. A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some
woman miserable.
2. A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3. A man who never makes the same mistake once.
4. A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her
alimony.
5. A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness
of pursuit.
6. The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
 Bride
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
 Compromise
An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby
they agree to let her have her own way.
 Diplomat
A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur
coat.
 Gentleman
 1. A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife
will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
2. A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it
over to her so that she can easily pick it up.
 Housework
What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do
it.
 Husband
1. A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
2. A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's
permission to say so.
 Joint Checking Account
A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the
husband to the draw.
 Love
An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
 Miss
A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that
they are in the market.
 Mistress
Something between a mister and a mattress.
 Mother-in-Law
A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by
giving him a piece of hers.
 Mrs.
A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no
recognition.
 Spouse
Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you
wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.
 Wife
A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything
to wear at the very same time that she complains about not
having enough room in the closet.
 Love Terms

 Attraction
the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
 Love at First Sight
what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely
choosy people meet.
 Dating
the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and
energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't
especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in
the future.
 Birth Control
avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special
pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating
repulsive men or spending time around children.
 Easy
a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of
a man.
 Prig
a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay virgin until
married.
 Eye Contact
a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man
that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so,
many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes,
not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact
that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
 Friend
a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has
some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally
unappealing.
  Indifference
a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the
man as "playing hard to get."
 Interesting
a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the
talking.
 Irritating Habit
what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two
people to each other turn into after a few weeks together.
 Law of Relativity
how attractive a given person appears to be is directly
proportional to how unattractive your date is.
 Nymphomaniac
a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often
than he does.
 Frigid
a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often
than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her
nighty.
 Sober
condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
 Nag
a man's term for a woman who wants more to her life with him
than just intercourse.
 How to Say "I Love You" In Different Languages

English I Love You

Albanian Une Te Dua
Arabic Ana Bhibbik
Catalan Testimo Molt
Chinese Wo Ai Ni
Eskimo Nagligivaget
Finnish Mina Rakkastan Sinua
French Je T'aime
German Ich Liebe Dich
Greek S'Agapo
Hawaiian Aloha Wau la Oe
Hebrew Ani Ohev Otakh
Hungarian Se Ret Lay
Irish Thaim In Grabh Leat
Italian Ti Amo
Japanese Ai Shite Imasu
Maltese ien Inhobbok
Persian Du Stet Daram
Romanian Te iubesc
Russian Ya Lyublyu Tyebya
Spanish Te Amo
Swedish Jag Alskar Dig
Turkish Seni Seviyorum
Redneck Nice Tits

All I Need to Know in Life

I Learned From My Girlfriend

 Good times are even better when they're shared.

 A long talk can cure almost anything.
 Everyone needs someone with whom to share their secrets.
 Listening is just as important as talking.
 An understanding friend is better than a therapist and
cheaper too!
 Laughter makes the world a happier place.
 Friends are like wine; they get better with age.
 Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on.
 Great minds think alike, especially when they are female!
 When it comes to "bonding", females do it better.
 You are never too old for a slumber party!
 Girls just want to have fun.
 It's important to make time to do "girl things".
 Calories don't count when you are having lunch (or any other
food) with your girlfriends.
 Gems may be precious, but friendship is priceless!