Increasing Your Relational Capacity

If you are most comfortable Focusing, and others experience you as Controlling: Ask
Questions about Process. People know where you stand. They want to know that you
care about their thoughts and feelings.

What do you perceive about ______________?

How do you feel about __________________?

What do you believe about _______________?

What do you think about _________________?

If you are most comfortable Challenging and others experience you as Manipulating:
Make Statements about Process. People do not know where you stand or what you
think. Self-disclosure builds trust.

I am perceiving ______________________.

I am feeling _________________________.

I believe ____________________________.

I think______________________________.

If you are most comfortable Collaborating and others experience you as Waffling:
Make Statements about Goals. People know you listen to them. They need you to
take a stand.

I believe we should do _____________________.

I will commit ________________________ resources.

If you are most comfortable Encouraging and others experience you as

enabling/rescuing: Ask Questions about Goals. People know you care about them.
They need you to call them to commitment.

What do you want to accomplish?

What resources do you have to accomplish your goal?

What resources do you need and how will you get them?