Missing snowman transcript

 Hello, I need the police please

 Ok, what’s happening?
 Well what happened was is there’s been a theft from outside my house.
 Ok, when did this occur?
 Well I’m not sure exactly because I ain’t been out to check on him for about five hours
but I went out about five minutes ago to have a fag and he’s gone, so it could be within
the last five hours
 Who’s gone, sorry?
 My snowman
 Right your snowman’s been stolen?
 Yeah
 Right ok, in the last five hours
 Well four to five hours, I’m can’t be sure exactly
 And what do you mean, a snowman made out of snow or an ornament?
 No, he’s made out of snow, I made him myself
 Right ok
 He had two of my teaspoons on his arms and money on his face. I'm not being funny, I
know it's only a snowman but I thought he'd be fine, what with it being icy and that
people ain't been walking up and down the road, it ain't a nice road but at the end of
the day you don't expect someone to nick your snowman, do you know what I mean?