Angry Man

Harry J. Chong

INT. METADATA OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

Mitch Hogan is sitting at his cubicle working when his supervisor approaches him.

SUPERVISOR (FEMALE)
Mr. Hogan I need to talk to you for a minute.

MITCH
Sure what is it?

SUPERVISOR
Would you please follow me to my office?

Mitch gets up and follows his supervisor to her office.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING, SUPERVISOR’S OFFICE – DAY

SUPERVISOR
Mitch you’re a great worker, you come in on time everyday, you’re courteous, everyone likes you,
you work hard, you --

MITCH
What exactly is this about Peggy?

SUPERVISOR
You’re fired Mitch.

MITCH
Oh. I knew that.

SUPERVISOR
Are you alright?

MITCH
(Irritated)
Yeah. I’m just in a state of shock here. I mean I’ve been here what 3 months? And they’re letting
me go already.

SUPERVISOR
(Nervous)
Mitch it’s not just you. The tech industry is in a slump. Everyone is being downsized.

MITCH
What is this McDonald’s?! You don’t just downsize people, we’re not fucking fries! I’m sorry
Peggy. It’s just that you know these companies frustrate me. They treat us like wet naps. They
use us to clean themselves up and then when they’re done they throw us away!

SUPERVISOR
Calm down Mitch it’s gonna be okay.

MITCH
Don’t tell me to calm down. I will calm down when I’m ready.

1
 SUPERVISOR
Are you done?

MITCH
Yeah I’m done.

Mitch leaves his supervisor’s office in a huff.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING – DAY

The supervisor calls out to Mitch.

SUPERVISOR
What about your stuff?!

MITCH
Keep it.

Mitch leaves. A worker holding a cup of coffee puts his hand on the supervisor’s shoulder.

WORKER
Thank God you fired that psycho.
(Sips coffee)
He was fucking creepy.

SUPERVISOR
Get your hand off me.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING PARKING LOT – DAY

As Mitch exits the office building and gets onto the parking lot, he sees somebody hit his car.

MITCH
Hey! Stop! Come back! You hit my car!

The car begins driving away. Mitch runs after it. The retreating vehicle is stops when engine
trouble occurs. Mitch catches up. He opens the car door and is faced by an old lady.

MITCH
Did you not hear me when I said to stop? Do you have a hearing problem?

The old lady shakes her head, “No.”

MITCH
Then why didn’t you stop? Do you think it’s funny hitting peoples’ cars and driving away?

The old lady shakes her head, “No” again.

MITCH
Yeah I didn’t think it was very funny either. You don’t mind if I sit in your car do you? It’s a little
chilly outside.

The old lady moves and Mitch hops into the driver’s seat.

MITCH

2
Now I’m a reasonable person. And I understand you’re living on a fixed income. And you probably
can’t afford a hike in your insurance rate can you?

The old lady nods her head.

MITCH
Normally a thing like this wouldn’t upset me. But today I got fired. And I don’t think I’ll be able to
afford the repairs for my automobile. Now I know what you’re saying, “You should have
insurance.” I do but like you I can’t afford the rate hike. So you’re just gonna have to pay for this
out of your pocket.

The old lady scowls and nods her head, “No.” Mitch begins to get upset.

MITCH
If you’re not going to pay me, you’re not going to get your car back.

Mitch takes the keys out of the ignition and walks off. As Mitch is walking a Police Officer appears
from behind and taps him on the back. Mitch turns around.

MITCH
Hello officer.

COP
Did you take that old lady’s keys?

MITCH
I took what belonged to me.

COP
If you don’t give the keys back I’m gonna have to arrest you.

MITCH
Arrest me for what? Getting justice? Doing your job?

COP
If you don’t give you the keys back --

MITCH
I heard you the first time! You know you cops got a real attitude. Not only that you’re also self-
righteous. You think by giving people tickets and harassing them is doing any good for society?
Do you!?

The Cop pulls out his baton.

MITCH
What’re you gonna do with that? Beat me? You want the keys? Here take ‘em!

Mitch throws the keys onto the road, infuriating the Officer. Mitch shoves the Officer down and
runs toward his car. He locks the doors.

The Officers runs to Mitch’s car.

COP
Open the door!

Mitch of course, refuses.

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 COP
I said to open the door!

The Officer smashes the window and tries to reach in, but Mitch drives off. The officer runs to his
cruiser and pursues Mitch.

EXT. ROAD – DAY

The road is clogged with cars. Both Mitch and the Officer have a difficult time moving through.

MITCH
(In his car honking the horn)
Come on! Come on! Come on!

Mitch peers into his rearview mirror and sees the Officer. There is an angry looking man honking
his horn towards Mitch’s left.

MITCH
(To Angry Man)
Would you mind not honking the horn so much? It’s giving me a bit of a headache.

The Angry Man gives Mitch the middle finger.

MITCH
Well that wasn’t very polite…

Mitch rams his car into the middle finger offender and plows his way through all of the cars, while
the Officer stays stuck behind.

EXT. MITCH’S HOME – DAY

Mitch, with his now dinged up car, pulls into the driveway. He steps out and enters his home.

INT. MITCH’S HOME – DAY

Mitch goes into the kitchen and opens a bottle of water to drink.

MITCH
Oh boy what a day.

Mitch puts the bottle of water down and picks up the letters on the counter. As he cycles through
them he calls them out loud.

MITCH
Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Oooh coupons!

Mitch folds the coupons up and puts them into his pocket. He hears a noise of in the near
distance. Mitch walks out the kitchen and follows it.

MITCH
Sheena? Is that you?

Mitch follows the noise to the master bedroom. He looks through the crack of the door. His wife
Sheen is cheating on him with another man. Mitch in shock and anger swings the door open and
yells.

4
 MITCH
What the hell is this?

SHEENA
Mitch!

MITCH
I work all day long to support you and baby Tom. And you cheat on me while I’m away! What the
fuck is wrong with you!

ADULTERER
Dude, relax.

Mitch picks up a glass figurine sitting on the dresser and chucks it at the Adulterer’s head.
Sheena tries to shield him as Mitch continues hurling objects and advances toward the sleaze
bag adulterer.

Mitch grabs the Adulterer in a headlock and drags him toward the front entrance (Sheen follows)
until there’s a ring at the door. Mitch looks through the peephole. There are two Police Officers
standing outside. One of them knocks on the door.

MITCH
(Whispering)
Oh shit it’s the cops. Alright everyone shut up, here’s what we’re gonna do.
(To Adulterer)
You and Sheena answer the door. And if the cops ask for Mitch Hogan, you are Mitch Hogan. Got
it?

ADULTERER
And what if I don’t want to?

Mitch grabs the Adulterer’s fingers and bends them. The adulterer aches in pain.

MITCH
Look you wife fucker! You better cooperate or I will kill you. And if you think squealing to the cops
will save you, you got another thing coming. Kapish?

The Adulterer nods his head. Mitch goes and hides. Sheena answers the door while the Adulterer
stays behind her.

COP 1
(Confused)
Uh…Excuse me ma’am are you the wife of Mitch Hogan?

SHEENA
Mm hmm.

COP 1
Is your husband in the house?

SHEENA
…

COP 1
Ma’am is that your husband behind you?

5
 SHEENA
No.

COP 1
You know it’s an offense to lie to an officer.

SHEENA
Really?

COP 2
Look lady! We don’t have time for this! Do you wanna do this the hard way or the easy way?
Because I’ll gladly do it the hard way!

COP 1
(To Cop 2)
Ma’am please don’t make this difficult than it has to be. Is that your husband?

Sheen reluctantly nods her head, “Yes.”

COP 1
Unfortunately we have a warrant for his arrest. So would you please ask him to come out
peacefully?

COP 2
Yeah and make it snappy!

Mitch gestures to the Adulterer to go. The adulterer hesitantly exits the house.

COP 2
You’re in big trouble.

COP 1
Gene would you shut up?

The adulterer is handcuffed and the Adulterer is taken away in the police cruiser. Sheena closes
the door. She looks at Mitch. He walks off and heads toward the baby’s room. Sheena follows
behind.

INT. MITCH’S HOME, BABY’S ROOM – DAY

Mitch grabs the sleeping baby and wakes him up. Baby Tom begins to cry.

SHEENA
Mitch what’re you doing?!

MITCH
Taking my son!

SHEENA
Put him down.

MITCH
Get out of my way.

SHEENA
Mitch, don’t fuck with me.

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Mitch slaps his wife in his face. She falls to the floor. Mitch steps over her and proceeds to leave
the house.

SHEENA
(Crying)
Fine you want the baby?! Go ahead take it!

Mitch leaves the house.

EXT. MITCH’S HOME, THE FRONT YARD - DAY

MITCH
(To Baby)
Well kid I guess it’s just you and me. You don’t mind spending a little extra time with your pops do
yah?

Baby Tom gurgles.

MITCH
That’s what I thought.

Mitch walks away from his home.

EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY

Holding his baby Mitch traverses along the sidewalk. He becomes hungry and decides to stop at
a convenience store.

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY

Mitch enters the convenience store. There is a woman in the back filling in lottery sheets. Mitch
grabs an ice cream sandwich from the freezer and places it on the counter. The Indian clerk rings
it up at $3.11.” Mitch looks at the price, irritated.

MITCH
Three dollars and eleven cents for an ice cream sandwich? Isn’t that a little expensive?

CLERK
That is the price of convenience.

MITCH
Are you being sarcastic? Because I don’t understand sarcasm.

CLERK
I’m sure you don’t.

MITCH
Don’t patronize me.

CLERK
Are you going to buy the fucking ice cream or just chitchat? Because if you’re not you can put it
back.

MITCH
I don’t think you should swear in front of my kid.

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 CLERK
Why what the fuck are you going to do about it?

The woman in the back is done filling out her lottery sheets. She stands patiently behind Mitch.

MITCH
(Turns to woman)
Do you think you could hold my kid for a minute? My arms are getting awfully tired.

The woman holds Baby Tom, while Mitch talks to the clerk.

MITCH
Let me ask you again. How much is this ice cream sandwich?

CLERK
Three dollars and eleven fucking cents.

MITCH
What did I say about the swearing?

CLERK
I don’t give a flying fuck. I will swear as much as I want because you are not my fucking boss.

MITCH
That’s true. But isn’t the customer ultimately the boss?

CLERK
Fuck no.

MITCH
I told you not to swear in front of my kid!

CLERK
What the fuck are you going to do about it?!

EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY

The clerk flies through the plate glass window and lands outside. Mitch casually walks out with his
baby. A stranger stares at the bizarre scene of violence. Mitch looks at him.

MITCH
Really bad customer service.

Mitch walks around the clerk and the shattered glass.

INT. MITCH’S HOME – DAY

Sheena is on the phone, calling 911.

OPERATOR (Female)
Hello 911.

SHEENA
(Weeping)
My husband -- stole my baby. Please get him back.

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 OPERATOR
Your husband or your baby?

SHEENA
Is this a joke?

OPERATOR
I’m sorry. Would you please describe your husband?

SHEENA
He’s stupid, he’s fat, he’s balding; he’s a complete asshole and he--

OPERATOR
I’m sorry once again, I’m gonna have to interrupt you. This isn’t a very accurate description. That
pretty much describes half the male population.

SHEENA
Just find my baby.

OPERATOR
I’m gonna connect you with the Police and you can talk them alright.

SHEENA
Sure…

INT. MITCH’S BROTHER’S HOUSE – DAY

Mitch, his baby, and his younger brother Eddie are all together sitting in the living room.

EDDIE
You did what?

MITCH
I panicked. I just panicked.

EDDIE
Mitch you know you’re my older brother and I respect you and everything -- but what you did was
over the top! You hit your wife.

MITCH
I don’t think she’ll be my wife for much longer.

EDDIE
I’m sure everything will work out in the end, right?

MITCH
Eddie the optimist.

EDDIE
I’m not an optimist I just have a good outlook on life. You on the other hand --

MITCH
Am a pessimist. But you know I have my reasons right?

EDDIE
Well you’re not psychotic; of course you have your reasons.

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 MITCH
I have a lot of reasons.

EDDIE
Anyways uh you wanted to ask me something.

MITCH
Well as you know I’m having a bit of “legal” trouble.

EDDIE
And you want me to watch baby Tom.

MITCH
Yeah if it’s not too much --

EDDIE
Don’t worry about it Mitch. He’s my nephew. I’ll take good care of him. Anyways it’s just for the
day right?

MITCH
Thanks…Oh hey do you think I can use your computer for a second?

EDDIE
You know where it is.

Mitch gets up and has Eddie hold his son. Mitch walks down the hall and goes on the computer.

INT. MITCH’S BROTHER’S HOUSE, COMPUTER ROOM – DAY

Mitch is on the internet, checking an investment website. His stock has plummeted horrendously.
He looks at the chart in disbelief. Mitch picks up the phone and calls his brokerage.

BROKERAGE
Hello Waterhouse Investments.

MITCH
Hi this is Mitch.

BROKERAGE
Mitch?

MITCH
Mitch Hogan.

BROKERAGE
Oh hello Mr. Hogan.

MITCH
Yeah I just wanted to talk to you about something, a little investment you sold me.

BROKERAGE
Uh huh.

MITCH
It dropped -- a lot.

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 BROKERAGE
You gotta hold for the long term Mr. Hogan.

MITCH
(Angry)
But I put my life savings into your recommendation!

BROKERAGE
Waterhouse Investments does not tell you what to buy and sell. We are not responsible for what
happens.

MITCH
But I asked one of your guys about this company!

BROKERAGE
Look Mr. Hogan! We’re just a brokerage and investment firm; we don’t run the companies. If we
knew this scandal was gonna happen we would’ve told you. Your beef is with the company!

Mitch calms down.

MITCH
That’s the first sensible thing I’ve heard all morning. I think I’ll pay the company a visit.

Mitch hangs up the phone and walks back into the living room.

EDDIE
Alright what happened?

MITCH
Nothing.

EDDIE
It didn’t sound like nothing.

MITCH
Trust me everything is fine. I’m just gonna go for a stroll around town and I’ll be back to pick up
Tom before you know it.

EDDIE
Alright just don’t do anything crazy.

MITCH
Scout’s honor!

Mitch leaves his brother’s home.

EXT. GENERAL TELECOM BUILDING - DAY

Mitch tries to enter the General Telecom building but there’s a security guard standing in front of
the door.

MITCH
Excuse me is this the General Telecom building?

GUARD
Yes it is.

11
 MITCH
Oh.

Mitch grabs the door handle but the security guard grabs him by the wrist and takes his arm
away.

GUARD
You have to have authorization to enter the building.

MITCH
I just want to speak to the Chief Executive Officer.

GUARD
A lot of people wanna speak to the CEO right now but you still have to have authorization.

MITCH
Alright how do I get this authorization?

GUARD
You have to call our company and book an appointment -- if you want to talk to the CEO.

MITCH
Is there a payphone around here?

The guard points to a payphone. Mitch goes to the telephone booth. He flips open the phone
book and dials General Telecom.

MITCH
(On phone)
Hi is this General Telecom?

G. TELECOM
(Automated Machine)
Hello. Welcome to General Telecom automated phone line. To connect to our customer service
line, please dial 1. To reach a sales representative press 2. To speak to the PR department press
3. To report a damaged telephone booth press f --

Mitch takes his ear off the receiver and yanks it off the payphone. He drops it on the ground.
Mitch returns to the front of General Telecom building with the security guard is.

MITCH
Alright I made an appointment. Let me in!

GUARD
I know you’re lying.

MITCH
What you don’t believe I have an appointment?

GUARD
Sir, when anybody books an appointment with the CEO or any of the upper management, there’s
an average waiting period of 6 months. I doubt a nobody like you would even get an appointment
with the CEO in less than 6 months, let alone one minute.

MITCH
Well I’m an important guy.

12
 GUARD
Please go away.

MITCH
…Fuck! What’s with the fucking bureaucracy!? I just wanna chat for one minute! Is that so much
to ask? Is it?!

GUARD
Sir if you don’t leave I’m going to have to use force.

The security guard reaches for his stun gun.

MITCH
Go ahead make my day.

The security guard pulls out his stun gun and tries to zap Mitch. But Mitch grabs the security
guard by the arm and pushes it toward him.

MITCH
Howdya like that asshole!

The security guard falls to the floor and is knocked unconscious. Mitch takes his stun gun.

MITCH
I’ll give this back to you when you learn how to use it properly.

Mitch enters the General Telecom building.

INT. GENERAL TELECOM BUILDING – DAY

Mitch is now in the General Telecom building. Nobody takes notice to this stranger as he walks
through the sea of people. Mitch waits in front of an elevator but decides not to go in upon seeing
how many people are stuffed inside.

MITCH
I’ll take the stairs.

INT. GENERAL TELECOM BUILDING, THE STAIRWELL – DAY

Mitch goes into the empty stairwell. He thinks to himself while he walks up.

MITCH (V.O.)
I wonder why nobody takes the stairs anymore. I guess that’s why the country’s so fat.

As Mitch is walking he bumps into a well dressed woman.

MITCH
Excuse me ma’am. Could you tell me where the CEO’s office is?

WD WOMAN
I wouldn’t talk to the CEO if I were you. He is in a real mood.

MITCH
Well so am I.

WD WOMAN

13
 Okay if you say so, his office is actually on this floor.

MITCH
What’s the room number?

WD WOMAN
Trust me you won’t miss it. His office is the whole floor.

MITCH
Jesus Christ a little lavish don’t you think?

WD WOMAN
You think he’s got it good.

The well dressed woman leaves. Mitch enters the CEO’s office. He is taken aback by the
luxuriousness. He wanders around touching different things and admiring the lavish objects. As
Mitch is wandering and fiddling with everything, the CEO spots him from behind his desk.

CEO
Can I help you?

MITCH
Hi I’m Mitch Hogan. Are you the CEO of this company?

CEO
Are you a shareholder?

MITCH
In fact I am.

CEO
Then I’m not the CEO.

Mitch leans over the CEO’s desk and points to his (unusual) name tag, which is appropriately
entitled, “CEO.”

MITCH
If you’re not the CEO, why are you wearing a stupid name tag that says “CEO”?

CEO
I don’t know how you got in here but I’m calling security.

MITCH
Are you dense man?! You don’t announce you’re gonna call security to your assailant! Are you
really even the CEO?! I mean God you’re running a Fortune 500 company you should have some
common fucking sense!

CEO
Fine you’re angry. Well I’m angry too. You know there’re a lot of people in this company and when
something goes wrong they always blame me. Well I’m tired of taking the blame! You wanna
blame somebody?! Blame yourself! If you don’t understand how the stock market works then stay
the fuck out!

MITCH

14
 No I understand how the stock market works. What I don’t understand is why guys like me work
50 hours a week and make 5,000 times less than guys like you who does nothing but sit on his
ass all day on top of a dead cow and plays golf for a living! Does that make any sense at all?!

CEO
No I’m where I am because I work hard. You’re where you are because you’re a retard.

MITCH
No you’re where you are because you step on peoples’ backs. You’re where you are because of
your rich daddy. You’re where you are because you’re an asshole!

The CEO draws a gun out and points it at Mitch’s head. He gets up from behind his desk and
forces him back.

CEO
Who’s the asshole now?

MITCH
Easy now! I don’t care that you stole millions of dollars from the company. I just want an apology.
That’s all.

CEO
The only thing I’ll be giving you is a bullet in the head if you don’t get the fuck out of my office.

Mitch grabs the gun out the CEO’s hand.

MITCH
Give me that!

Mitch pushes the CEO back with one hand while holding the gun with the other.

MITCH
Not so tough now are yah?

Mitch forces the CEO back as he edges closer with his “hand cannon.” The CEO presses up
against the large bookshelf with his back. It shakes as he inadvertently moves it.

Mitch in his anger continues to the CEO, causing the bookshelf to shake more and more.

MITCH
I take it you don’t like it when people push you around!
(Pushes CEO)

Mitch pauses for a moment. He lashes out and pushes the CEO mightily with both his hands,
causing the bookshelf to fall on top of him. The CEO is knocked out. Mitch steps back.

MITCH
I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.

Mitch sees a briefcase beside the CEO’s desk. He takes it and empties the contents.

MITCH
You don’t mind if I borrow this do you?

The CEO remains unconscious.

15
 MITCH
That’s what I thought.

Mitch puts the stun gun and the 6 shooter inside the briefcase, closes it and carries it away whilst
whistling a merry tune.

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

The clerk from the convenience store is talking to the sketch artist, providing a description of
Mitch.

ARTIST
Can you describe his eyes?

CLERK
Very big eyes, very scary -- big and black.

ARTIST
Okay I think we have something here.

The sketch artist shows the clerk the picture. It is a picture of an Alien.

CLERK
What hell is that?

ARTIST
What you just described to me! I mean do you even remember anything about this guy!? The
color of his hair, his nose, any unusual scars?!

CLERK
I told you I have just been through a traumatic experience and I am having a hard time recalling.
So just get off my back!

ARTIST
Fine we’ll take a break.

The sketch artist gets up and leaves the room.

EXT. BUS STOP – DAY

Mitch is waiting at the bus stop with his briefcase. There is an old man beside him.

OLD MAN
So where you headed to?

MITCH
Nowhere in particular, just enjoying my day off.

OLD MAN
I’m headed to the grocery store myself.

MITCH
Well isn’t that dandy?

The bus arrives.

16
INT. THE BUS – DAY

Mitch gets on the semi-crowded bus and drops a ticket in the collection box. The old man puts a
ticket in too but the driver refuses to let him on.

DRIVER
I’m afraid this ticket is expired. You’ll have to get off the bus or put in another ticket.

OLD MAN
But that was mah only ticket.

DRIVER
I’m sorry you’ll have to leave.

OLD MAN
But I have to go to the grocery store. The sale ends today.

The Old Man stands there confused, looking around, not knowing what to do.

DRIVER
Just get out. For God sakes!

The Old Man is manhandled and taken off the bus. He falls to the floor. When the Bus Driver tries
to get back in, Mitch is blocking the way.

MITCH
I don’t think that was very nice do you?

DRIVER
Get out of the way.

MITCH
Pick that old man up and let him on the bus.

DRIVER
Who the fuck do you think you are?

Mitch takes his briefcase and smashes the bus driver in the head, causing him to fall down. Mitch
gets off the bus and beats the driver relentlessly. But he stops. The Old Man on the ground looks
at him, terrified, but somewhat satisfied.

MITCH
Get on the bus.

The Old Man gets on the bus. Mitch takes the driver’s seat and closes the door.

INT. THE BUS, THE ROAD - DAY

Mitch is driving the bus around picking up and dropping off passengers. He stops near a high
school where dozens of rowdy teenagers enter. At first Mitch hides his contempt and continues to
drive, but when a paper cup hits him in the head he has had enough.

Mitch slams his foot on the break and hops up from his seat. He turns around angrily and stares
down the teens in the back.

MITCH

17
 I am trying to get to the grocery store. So you kids better knock it off.

The teen who threw the paper cup throws a pop can at Mitch’s head. The teens all laugh. Mitch
picks the pop can up, crushes it in his hand and throws it back at him.

TEEN
Yo what the fuck!

The teen stands up and gets “in” Mitch’s face.

TEEN
What’s yo problem pop?

MITCH
What you don’t enjoy getting a taste of your own medicine?

The teen is speechless.

MITCH
Now get back to the back of the bus and behave your self.

The teen slinks to the back of the bus and sits down quietly. The teens whisper amongst
themselves, as Mitch heads to the front and takes the driver’s seat.

TEEN 2
Dude you got owned.

TEEN
Will you shut up with that owned shit?

Mitch drives the bus.

INT. THE BUS, OUTSIDE GROCERY STORE – DAY

Mitch arrives at the grocery store. He opens the front door for the old man. But before exiting the
he pauses and smiles at Mitch. Mitch gives him the two finger salute and sees him off. The old
man goes into the grocery store.

EXT. BAD PART OF TOWN – DAY

The bus is empty. Mitch parks it and gets out in the bad part of town. There is a lot of crime going
on around, but he mainly ignores it. While traversing down the sidewalk he bumps into a hulking a
hulking Mexican.

MEXICAN
What’s in the suitcase amigo?

MITCH
It’s not a suitcase mister, it’s a briefcase.

MEXICAN
Open it up.

MITCH
What is this a robbery?

18
The Mexican takes out a switchblade and flips it open.

MEXICAN
It’s going to be a murder if you don’t do what I say. Now open it up!

Mitch gets on one knee and lays the briefcase on the ground; he opens it up and pulls out the 6
shooter.

MITCH
Talk about foreshadowing maybe this will be a murder.

Mitch rises to his feet with his gun aimed at the Mexican.

MITCH
Alright drop the knife and turn around.

The terrified Mexican drops the knife and turns around.

MITCH
Now bend over.

MEXICAN
Qué?

MITCH
Bend over!

The Mexican bends over.

MITCH
Now pull your pants down.

MEXICAN
Qué?!

MITCH
Pull your pants down!

MEXICAN
Qué?! Qué?!

Mitch points the gun at the Mexican’s temple.

MITCH
(Spanish)
Say “what” one more time! Go ahead I dare yah! Say “what” one more time!

The Mexican pulls his pants down.

MITCH
Underwear.

The Mexican hesitantly pulls his underwear off.

MITCH
Now spread ‘em.

19
The Mexican looks confused.

MITCH
Are you deaf? Are you having a problem understanding my request? What do you not understand
about spread ‘em?!

The Mexican spreads his cheeks. Mitch gets behind him and places the barrel in between his butt
cheeks.

MITCH
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you probably work out. Well let me tell you something
mister, all the stomach crunches in the world, all the bench pressing, and all the bicep curls, won’t
protect you one ounce from a piece of metal moving at 3000 feet per second from going up your
tight ass. Now how’s that for irony?

MEXICAN
Fuck you.

MITCH
Fuck me? No fuck you!

Mitch kicks the Mexican in the butt and he falls down on his ass.

MITCH
You have ten seconds to get out of here. Ten, nine…

The Mexican gets up and runs away. Mitch picks up the switch blade.

MITCH
Hey you forgot your knife!

Mitch puts the knife in his pocket and stashes the gun back in his briefcase.

INT. GENERAL STORE – DAY

Mitch enters the General store. There’s nobody present.

MITCH
Hello is anybody here? I’ll just help myself then.

Mitch looks through the aisles and walks into the baby section. He looks at the different items
(bibs, rattles, pacifiers etc). As he is looking somebody comes out from inside the store (through a
door of course). Mitch picks up the rattle.

MITCH
Excuse me how much is this rattle?

STRANGER (Male)
I don’t know; I don’t work here.

MITCH
Have you seen the clerk or cashier? I would like to purchase this rattle.

STRANGER
You can take it I don’t think they care.

20
 MITCH
Well if this is a business I think they would care.

STRANGER
Okay if you insist. You could go on in the back and talk to somebody there. They’ll explain
everything to you.

MITCH
What’s there to explain? I just wanna purchase a rattle.

STRANGER
Trust me it’ll do you some good. You look a little uptight.

MITCH
I’m not uptight.

Carrying the pacifier, Mitch goes through the door at the back of the store.

INT. BROTHEL – DAY

When Mitch gets through the back door he finds himself in a dank area with stairs leading
downstairs. Naturally out of his curiosity, Mitch follows the stairs down. He is met with a large
(dominatrix) female standing before another door.

MITCH
…Are you the proprietor of this store?

DOMINATRIX
Honey why are you here?

MITCH
I wanna buy this rattle.

DOMINATRIX
Is that really why you’re here?

MITCH
What’re you getting at?

DOMINATRIX
Look if you want the rattle honey you can have it. But you don’t have to beat around my bush. I
know what you really want.

MITCH
So I can have the rattle?

Mitch bends down and puts the rattle in the briefcase. He gets up.

MITCH
Now what were you saying?

DOMINATRIX
First time customers are always nervous. It’s perfectly normal honey. I just want you to
understand that.

MITCH

21
 I’m not nervous.

DOMINATRIX
Good, good, then come on in.

MITCH
What?

The Dominatrix shuffles Mitch further into the brothel where all the “action” is going on. The
strange lights, smell, and decorations innately disturb Mitch’s sense of common decency. He
drops his briefcase on the ground.

A prostitute approaches him.

PROSTITUTE
Come with me.

MITCH
Where are you taking me?

The Prostitute takes Mitch into a skanky looking room with a large round bed. She throws him
onto the bed and mounts him.

MITCH
What are you doing?

PROSTITUTE
Don’t tell me you’re a virgin.

MITCH
No I am not a virgin…do I look like a virgin?

PROSTITUTE
A little.

MITCH
Well I’m not.

PROSTITUTE
Whatever I don’t care.

The Prostitute tries to remove Mitch’s pants, but he stops her.

MITCH
Stop!

PROSTITUTE
What’s the matter?

MITCH
The matter is I just realized I’m in a brothel. I thought this was a general store.

PROSTITUTE
You are naïve.

MITCH

22
 I’m not naïve I just didn’t know. It was an accident.

PROSTITUTE
I’ve been in this business for over 10 years and I know men don’t “accidentally” find their way into
a whore house. You obviously came here for a reason.

MITCH
I’m not a trick from off the streets okay. I’m just a regular man trying to enjoy his day.

PROSTITUTE
In a whore house?

MITCH
No! No! No! This was an accident! I came in here by accident. Now if you would please get off of
me.

PROSTITUTE
I bet you’re having marital troubles and now you’re just having second thoughts. Let me tell you
something, your wife don’t give two shits about you.

MITCH
You don’t know me.

PROSTITUTE
I know enough to know that you’re in an unhappy relationship.

MITCH
Get off me.

Mitch moves the Prostitute off him and gets to his feet.

MITCH
I’m happily married and everything is gonna be just fine, so don’t fuck with me.

Mitch leaves the room. He gets to the exit and notices his briefcase is gone. Mitch inquires a
nearby prostitute if she’s seen his briefcase.

MITCH
Excuse me have you seen my briefcase?

The nearby prostitute shakes her head “no” and leaves. Mitch steps out and asks the Dominatrix.

MITCH
Excuse me have you seen my briefcase?

The Dominatrix steps inside (the brothel) momentarily and quickly returns back with a briefcase.
She hands it to Mitch.

MITCH
Is this my briefcase? It feels a little heavy.

The Dominatrix nods her head, “yes.” Mitch goes back upstairs and exits the General Store.

EXT. LOCAL BANK – DAY

23
There is a middle aged man sitting outside the bank with his head tucked in between his knees,
crying and mumbling to him self, “They took my house away.”

Mitch sees this man and decides to have a chit-chat with him.

MITCH
Why are you crying?

MA MAN
They took my house away.

MITCH
Who, the bank?

MA MAN
Yeah, the fucking bank.

MITCH
That still doesn’t explain why you’re crying.

MA MAN
After I lost the house my wife left me. And she took my kid too.

MITCH
You think crying outside the bank will actually change their minds?

MA MAN
I already went inside they kicked me out.

MITCH
Stop crying! Go back in there and demand your house back!

MA MAN
I can’t.

MITCH
Yes you can.

Mitch grabs the middle aged man by the arm and pulls him up.

MITCH
Come on! Get up! Get up!

MA MAN
What’re you gonna do to me?

MITCH
I’m going to help you. Now stop crying and come in the bank.

INT. THE BANK – DAY

There is a long line in the bank. Mitch and the middle aged man join the back.

MITCH
I hate long lines.

24
As Mitch and the middle aged man wait in line a cocky looking man enter the bank. He cuts in line
but nobody says anything. Mitch gets out of line and walks up to the cocky looking man.

MITCH
Buddy you wanna move to the back of the line?
(Points)
Because we all saw you cut in front of this woman.

COCKY MAN
So?

MITCH
So! So you shouldn’t take advantage of people while everyone else is waiting patiently in line!

COCKY MAN
So what you want me to move to the back of the line?

MITCH
If you would be so kind.

COCKY MAN
Fuck you! I’m not moving to the back of the line because some pencil pushing geek tells me to!

Mitch drops his suitcase on the ground and grabs the Cocky Man by his shirt.

MITCH
Listen up pal! If you don’t move to the back of the line, I might get a little angry. Do you want to
see me angry?

Mitch lets go off his shirt. The Cocky Man moves to the back of the line.

Mitch picks up his briefcase and takes his place back in line. A man across from Mitch smiles and
gives him the thumbs up. Mitch simply nods.

The line moves along and Mitch and the middle aged man soon find themselves at the front
talking to a teller.

TELLER (Female)
Hi!

MITCH
Hi. My buddy over here lost his home last week.

TELLER
Aw that’s so sad to hear.

MITCH
And it’s because of your bank. You repossessed his home.

TELLER
Oh.

MITCH
So if you kindly give his home back, we’ll be on our merry way.

TELLER

25
 I can’t do that.

MITCH
The man is homeless, he has no family; he needs a place to stay.

TELLER
I know but –

MITCH
Lady I know this is a business and you need to make money, but we’re talking about something
else here…a man’s life. Now what’s more important? Forgiving a few missed mortgage payments
or making a couple of bucks?

TELLER
I really have no authority on this. I’ll need to get the manager.

MITCH
I think it’s going pretty well, don’t you?

MA MAN
Aw jeez.

The Teller returns with the Bank Manager.

MANAGER
What seems to be the problem here sir?

MITCH
There are no problems here. I just want you to give this man his home back.

MANAGER
I think you’re going to have to leave sir.

MITCH
Are you gonna give his home back?

MANAGER
No.

MITCH
Then why should I leave?

MANAGER
Sir there are other human beings in this world beside you. And a lot of them are waiting in line.

MITCH
I’m not leaving ‘till this man gets his home back.

MANAGER
Look you prick I’m trying to run a bank here so get the fuck out.

Mitch is taken aback somewhat.

MITCH
But not before I give you a little present.

26
Mitch places his briefcase on the counter. He opens it up and is shocked to see what’s actually
inside (money). Mitch closes the briefcase and takes it off the counter.

MITCH
You know what you’re right we should leave.

MA MAN
But --

Mitch grabs the middle aged man by the arm and “drags” him out the bank.

EXT. THE BANK – DAY

MA MAN
I thought you were gonna help me.

MITCH
I am a man of my word. I will help you.

MA MAN
How?

Mitch lays the briefcase on the ground and takes out a stack of bills. He closes the briefcase,
rises to his feet and hands it over to the middle aged man.

MITCH
$10,000.

MA MAN
Holy shit!

MITCH
Shhh not so loud! You don’t wanna get robbed do you?

MA MAN
Where did you get this from?

MITCH
You ask too many questions.

MA MAN
Sorry, sorry. I won’t ask any questions.

MITCH
Good.

MA MAN
(Rubs hands together)
Oh boy. I’m gonna have a real fun time at the casino.

MITCH
Would you please repeat that?

MA MAN
The casino –- I’m gonna go to the casino.

27
 MITCH
And gamble with the money I just gave you?

MA MAN
Why is that a problem?

MITCH
Of course it’s a problem! Is this why you couldn’t make your mortgage payments because you
gambled away your money?!

MA MAN
Uh…

MITCH
Fuck! No wonder your wife left you! Gimmie back my money!

Mitch grabs the stack of bills and puts it in his pocket.

MA MAN
Hey!

MITCH
When you learn not to be an idiot maybe life will get better for you -- but not today.

Mitch walks away.

MA MAN
So what I have a gambling problem! What’s the big fucking deal!?

MITCH
You need professional help asshole! And I’m not it.

Mitch leaves.

INT. MITCH’S BROTHER’S HOUSE – DAY

Mitch’s brother, Eddie, is asleep on his couch when there’s a loud knock at the door. Eddie wakes
up and goes to answer it. It is Mitch’s wife, Sheena.

EDDIE
Sheena? What’re you doing here?

SHEENA
Where’s Mitchell?

EDDIE
Mitch? He’s not here if that’s what you’re thinking.

Sheena barges in and bolts past Eddie.

SHEENA
Mitchell! Where are you!?

As Sheena goes nuts looking for Mitch in Eddie’s house, Eddie decides to follow her and make
sure she don’t go nuttier.

28
 EDDIE
Sheena Mitch is not here.

SHEENA
He always comes to your house I know he’s here!

As Sheena is about to open the room where Baby Tom is sleeping, Eddie stops her. He grabs her
and spins her around, glaring into her eyes.

EDDIE
Sheena! Mitch is not here!

Sheena squirms away.

SHEENA
He has my baby and I want to know where he is!

EDDIE
If I knew where they were I would tell you. But Mitch and Baby Tom are not here.

SHEENA
How do I know you’re not lying to me?

EDDIE
If any one of them were here don’t you think you would at least hear them?

Eddie cups his ear. Sheena pauses to listen.

EDDIE
Do you hear that? The sound of silence…nobody’s here except for me. Accept that fact.

SHEENA
(Seductively)
I’m sorry Eddie. How can I make it up to you?

EDDIE
By getting out of my house you whore.

CUT TO:

Eddie pushes Sheena out the front door.

EDDIE
Out, out, out, out, out!

He slams it shut and Sheena walks off.

EXT. THE PARK – DAY

Mitch is sitting down with his briefcase, relaxing on the park bench, eating an ice cream cone. He
watches the children playing with each other and their parents, having a good time.

A darkly dressed man in a trench coat appears and takes a seat beside Mitch.

MITCH
Bein’ a kid is great isn’t? It’s just so care free. Not a worry in the world.

29
 TRENCH COAT
You have something of mine and I would like it back.

MITCH
And what would that be?

TRENCH COAT
You know what it is.

MITCH
I’m afraid I don’t.

TRENCH COAT
Don’t play dumb with me.

MITCH
I’m not dumb.

TRENCH COAT
I would prefer not to shoot you in front of these children, so if you would peacefully and kindly
hand me my briefcase.

MITCH
It’s not your money.

TRENCH COAT
What makes you say that?

MITCH
I found the cocaine in the briefcase pocket. You’re a drug dealer.

TRENCH COAT
You can keep the crack but the money is still mine.

MITCH
I bet you killed a lot of people to get that money didn’t you?

TRENCH COAT
What I do for fun is none of your concern.

MITCH
Fine you can have the briefcase.

Mitch slides the briefcase over to the man in the trench coat. When he opens it up the only thing
he finds inside is a piece of paper that says “IOU.”

TRENCH COAT
What the fuck is this?!

Mitch takes his ice cream cone and shoves it in the trench coat wearing man’s eye. Mitch runs as
the man in the trench coat shoots furiously at him.

After Mitch is out of sight the man in the trench coat wipes off his eye and puts his gun away.

EXT. THE STREETS, ALLEWAY – DAY

30
The man in the trench coat looks around on the streets. Mitch is nowhere in sight. But out of the
corner of his eye he spots him.

Mitch runs down the street and takes a turn into a dead alleyway. The man in the trench coat
follows him there. He takes his gun out and looks around. Mitch is nowhere to be seen.

A cat pops out from between two garbage cans, startling the man in the trench coat. By accident
he reflexively shoots the cat.

TRENCH COAT
Fuck! Come out! I know you’re in here!

Mitch appears from the rooftop holding a bowling ball over his head.

MITCH
Boo!

Mitch throws the bowling ball down. The man in the trench coat blasts away with his gun, splitting
the bowling ball in half and going right past him.

MITCH
For fuck-sake!

The man in the trench coat shoots up at Mitch, causing him to reel back. He puts his gun away
and climbs up the fire escape.

EXT. ROOFTOP – DAY

The man in the trench coat gets to the rooftop; he sees Mitch standing at the very end with his
hands up in the air.

MITCH
Don’t shoot!

TRENCH COAT
Does that actually work?

MITCH
Does what work?

TRENCH COAT
You know when you’re confronted with something and you tell it go away or stop. Do you think by
telling somebody you’ve really pissed off to leave you alone will actually work? Do these out loud
ridiculous suggestions have any effect at all?! Do you think by saying “Go away bad guy!” the bad
guy’s really gonna go away? I mean he’s there for a reason! He’s not just gonna disappear
because you say so!

MITCH
Fine go ahead kill me. But you’ll never find the money -- unless you decide to torture me and
really twist my nipples.

TRENCH COAT
What the fuck is wrong with you man! Don’t you value your life?

MITCH

31
 I know you want my to cower like a little pussy and beg for my life so you can feel good about
yourself, but I’m not gonna let that happen. Either you kill me or you don’t. I’m not gonna cry
about either.

TRENCH COAT
I have to admit it I’m impressed. You got balls. Tell you what. Instead of shooting you in the head,
I’ll just throw you off this building. And if you survive I’ll let you go.

MITCH
I think that’s a good proposition.

CUT TO:

Mitch is facing outward at the edge of the roof with his hands on his head. The man in the trench
coat is standing directly behind Mitch.

TRENCH COAT
Any last words?

MITCH
I wish I had some words to say but I don’t.

TRENCH COAT
How about goodbye?

The man in the trench coat rears his leg back and kicks, but Mitch moves out of the way, causing
the man in the trench coat to fall off the building.

MITCH
(Looks down)
Gravity is a bitch. Isn’t it?
(Laughs)

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT SIDEWALK, ELECTRONICS SHOP – DAY

As Mitch is walking along the sidewalk in the shopping district he stops and takes notice to the
televisions facing outside in the electronics shop. There he is on the news -- in his car ramming
through traffic. Another person outside watching turns his head to Mitchell and stares.

PERSON
(Points)
Are you him?

MITCH
Maybe.

PERSON
Dude! Fucking awesome! I wish I had the balls to do that. Fuck people over and what not.

MITCH
I didn’t fuck anybody over. I was merely trying to make my way through traffic.

PERSON
Yeah and I’m Jesus Christ. You were pissed dude. Look at the expression on your face man. You
wanted to do that for years!

32
 MITCH
I don’t do things because I feel like it. I do it because I have to. Otherwise that would make me
crazy? Wouldn’t it?

PERSON
I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re just frustrated with life -- like all of us.

MITCH
I don’t get frustrated, I get annoyed. There’s a difference.

PERSON
I’m not sucking your dick here dude, but I believe people like you are really making a difference in
the world.

MITCH
Positive or negative?

PERSON
Positive of course! You’re raging against the injustices in the world. You’re doing what we wish we
could do! You’re standing up for the little guy!

MITCH
I didn’t really do anything.

PERSON
Oh yeah and Rosa Parks just sat down on a bus.

MITCH
Is that sarcasm?

PERSON
Hell yeah! Everyone is talkin’ about you. You are the talk of the fucking town!

MITCH
Really?

PERSON
Well it’s mostly on the Internet. You know blogs and what not.

MITCH
I don’t really know what blogs are.

PERSON
They’re just online journals where people talk about useless shit that nobody cares about.

MITCH
Oh you mean editorials.

PERSON
No those have a little more merit than blogs. Blogs, um, they talk about anything. And I do
emphasize anything.

MITCH
Can you gimmie an example.

PERSON

33
 Here’s one I read today. And it’s no joke; it’s a direct quote…
“Today was awesome! I had a great nap and when I woke up I ate three pieces of cheesecake.
Which is normally awesome…but now I feel like such a fatty. I think I should go now and throw up
in the toilet again. Peace out!”

MITCH
And you read this crap?

PERSON
(Embarrassed)
Oh no I wrote that.

MITCH
That’s fantastic. I have to go now.

Mitch turns and begins to walk away.

PERSON
Nice talkin’ to yah!

Mitch gives a quick wave with the back of his hand.

CUT TO:

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT SIDEWALK, ACROSS ITALIAN RESTAURANT - DAY

Mitch is kneeling down tying his shoelace. A young couple and a waiter pop out of the restaurant
across the street. The waiter is chasing after the young couple, two dine and dashers.

WAITER
(Italian Accent)
Come back! You didn’t pay for your meals!

Mitch finishes tying his shoelace. The waiter and the couple are now heading towards his side of
the street. When the, dine and dash couple get onto the sidewalk, Mitch rises up and punches the
male in the face knocking him down.

The female is in a concerning shock but she runs away anyways. The male is now on the floor
groaning in pain. When the waiter catches up he starts kicking the male in the ribs mercilessly.

WAITER
Do you know how hard it is to make money?!
(Kicking)
Especially when people like you aren’t paying for their fucking meals?! And it’s not like this is a
big chain or anything! This ain’t fucking Burger King! It’s a fucking mom and pop shop! You
mother fucker!

MITCH
It looks like you’ve got things under control here. I’ll just be going now.

WAITER
(Stops kicking)
No wait. What’s the rush? My pops own the restaurant. How about you ah come in for some
lunch? Our treat!

MITCH

34
 I do like Italian food. It is Italian food right?

WAITER
The most Italian place you’ve ever eaten at. You’d swear you were in little Italy.

The, dine and dash male crawls away.

MITCH
Do you have spaghetti and meat balls?

INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT – DAY

Mitch is sitting down at a small round table eating a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. The waiter
pours water into his glass.

WAITER
Enjoying your meal?

MITCH
Great, best spaghetti and meatballs I’ve ever had.

WAITER
You know you can have a different drink beside water.

MITCH
No thank you. Water is fine.

The waiter finished pouring Mitch’s water but continues to chat.

WAITER
We have beer if you want.

MITCH
Again no thank you, water is fine.

WAITER
You don’t drink alcohol?

MITCH
Sometimes, maybe at New Year’s -- but usually I try to avoid it. I just don’t like filling my body with
toxic materials.

WAITER
Alright that’s your choice. If you need anything let me know.

The waiter leaves and goes to serve other tables. Mitch continues eating but he has a difficult
time doing it, as there is a group of rowdy customers making noise. They are well dressed and
fat. Mitch gets up from his table and pays them a visit.

MITCH
Would you guys mind keeping it down? I’m trying to eat.

GOOMBAH 1
(New Yorker Accent)
Do you know who we are?

35
 MITCH
I don’t care who you are. I just want you to keep it down while I’m eating.

GOOMBAH 2
Eh fuck you ah! Who do you think you are telling us what to do?

GOOMBAH 1
Yah what are you fucking nigger? You come into somebody else’s place and tell ‘em what to do.
What the fuck is that? Yah fucking nigger!

MITCH
I’m not black, but that word really offends me.

GOOMBAH 2
Yeah so go fuck yah self!

MITCH
…are you in the mafia? Are you guys in the mafia?

GOOMBAH 1
You just figured that out now you fucken asshole?

MITCH
There’s no need for excessive profanity.

GOOMBAH 2
You’re very lucky we’re in a good mood, otherwise we would kill you.

MITCH
I don’t feel very lucky.

GOOMBAH 1
Just get the fuck outta here you fucken idiot.

Mitch continues to stand there. Goombah 2 throws water in his face. Everyone at the table
laughs. Mitch leaves quietly and exist the restaurant.

Several minutes later Mitch returns to the restaurant. He is carrying a dark Samsonite boarding
bag along with him. He re-approaches the table of rowdy customers.

GOOMBAH 1
Look at this dumb motherfucker. Coming back fo’ more?

GOOMBAH 2
Heh! Stupid idiot!

MITCH
No I returned to call a truce. You know bury the hatchet, start over again, begin anew. Is that
alright with you guys?

GOOMBAH 1
Why should we make a truce with an asshole like you? What could you do to us?

MITCH
I’m not a violent guy but I can be dangerous if I want to.

36
 GOOMBAH 2
Oooh scary! What’re you gonna do call your boys?

Everyone at the table laughs.

MITCH
I would appreciate it if you didn’t laugh at me.

GOOMBAH 1
Looks I don’t know what you got in yo’ bag or what yo’ thinkin’, but if it’s anythin’ but flowers and
sunshine you are gonna be swimmin’ with the fish in no time.

MITCH
No I told you I’m not here to make violence. You wanna look in my bag go right ahead.

GOOMBAH 2
Is this a trick?

MITCH
No it’s not a trick. Look inside there’s a gift for you guys.

Mitch places the bag on the table. Goombah 1 slowly unzips it. They all look inside. Goombah 2
pulls out a sealed box of candy.

GOOMBAH 2
Sweets?

MITCH
Yeah real sweet!

Mitch goes behind his back and pulls out two guns; he aims them squarely at the two Goombahs’
heads. The restaurant goers scream and run out. The two other Goombahs reach for their guns
but Mitch warns them to stop.

MITCH
Don’t even think about it!

The other two Goombahs look at the first Goombah for clarification.

GOOMBAH 1
Do what he says. This guy’s crazy.

Mitch presses the guns harder into the two Goombahs’ heads.

MITCH
What did you say?!

GOOMBAH 1
N-n-nothing!

MITCH
I don’t get you guys. You’re so tough one minute and the next you’re Jell-O. Are you in the Mafia
or not?

GOOMBAH 1
We in the mafia, b-b-but we new!

37
 GOOMBAH 2
Ye’ we don’t know what we doing! We just havin’ some fun!

MITCH
So you guys are newbies? Is that what you’re telling me?

GOOMBAH 1
Uh huh.

MITCH
You don’t have to be a newbie to know the world’s a dangerous place! There are rapists, there
are murderers; there are terrorists. Don’t you know that by now?

GOOMBAH 1
Yes.

MITCH
Let me tell you something. When you’re in the mafia you should professional. You should not
bring attention to yourselves by being loud and rude! Don’t you agree?

GOOMBAH 1
Uh huh!

MITCH
(To Goombah 2)
What about you?

GOOMBAH 2
I agree we should be more professional.

MITCH
Now your two friends over there, they’re professional, very calm and very quiet – the ideal
Mafioso. You two should really take notes.

GOOMBAH 2
Please don’t kill us.
(Crying)

MITCH
Why are you crying?

GOOMBAH 2
I’m scared!

MITCH
You’re supposed to be in the Mafia. You know how many times a day someone will try to kill you?
You can’t cry in the mafia because there’s a gun to your head!

GOOMBAH 1
Please don’t hurt mah brother he means well. He really does.

MITCH
Are you the eldest?

GOOMBAH 1

38
 Yes.
MITCH
Then why the fuck did you bring your brother into a business like this?! Especially when he can’t
handle a gun to his head?!

GOOMBAH 1
I dunno I thought it would be cool.

MITCH
Is dying for a no good reason cool? Is that what you think is cool? I’ll tell you what’s cool -- not
being an asshole. And you are an asshole. Who the hell brings their little brother into a fucked up
game like this? Huh?! Who?! You!? Now apologize to him.

GOOMBAH 1
I’m sorry.

MITCH
Louder!

GOOMBAH 1
I’m sorry!

MITCH
Sorry for what?!

GOOMBAH 1
For bringing you into this mess little brother.

MITCH
Now doesn’t that make you feel better? Now look at each other.

Goombah 1 and Goombah 2 look at each other.

MITCH
Do you love each other?

They nod their heads, yes.

MITCH
Do you cherish the moments you spend together?

They nod their heads again.

MITCH
Then why do you enjoy putting yourselves in this kind of danger? The mafia is not a glorious
business, only in the movies. 1 out of 3 Mafioso die before they’re 35. Did you know that?

The two brothers shake their heads, no.

MITCH
I want you to give this life up. When I take these guns away, I don’t want you to chase me down
the street and shoot me. I want you two to really think about your direction in life and what
contributions you can make to society, not the next guy you’ll be whacking off. Is that too much to
ask?

The two brothers shake their heads, no.

39
 MITCH
Good. I’m glad you agree.

Mitch withdraws his guns.

MITCH
Could you pass me my bag please?

Goombah 1 hands Mitch his bag. He places his guns inside and zips it back up. Mitch leaves the
restaurant quietly. The four Goombahs look at each other, thinking to themselves, “What the fuck
just happened?”

INT. MITCH’S BROTHER HOUSE – DAY

Eddie is in the living room, reading Ebony magazine.

CUT TO:

Baby Tom is fast asleep in his crib, when suddenly the window opens. A kidnapper sneaks into
the bedroom and quietly takes away Tom.

CUT TO:

Eddie looks at his watch. He puts down his magazine on the living room sofa and gets up. Eddie
goes into Baby Tom’s Room to check in on him. But baby Tom is nowhere to be found. Eddie
goes into a panic. He looks under the blankets.

EDDIE
Oh shit!

Eddie looks under the crib. He stands up, sees the open window and darts over to it. He looks
outside and sticks his head out the window.

EDDIE
You mother fuckers!
(Shakes fist)
You know how much shit I’m in now?! Fuck you!

INT. MOVIE THEATRE – DAY

Mitch is in the movie theatre when he hears a ring; it is coming from his cell phone. He goes into
his boarding bag and takes it out. He picks it up.

MITCH
Hello?

The movie patron beside him is annoyed.

PATRON
I’m trying to watch the movie. Could you take that outside?

MITCH
Of course you’re trying to watch the movie idiot; you’re in a movie theater. Yeah I’ll take it outside.

Mitch walks out of the screening room.

40
INT. MOVIE THEATRE, LOBBY – DAY

Mitch places his boarding bag down and puts the cell phone to his face.

MITCH
Sorry you were saying?

INT. MITCH’S BROTHER’S HOUSE/MOVIE THEATRE LOBBY – SCREEN SPLITS – DAY

EDDIE
Uh this is kinda a difficult for me to say but...

MITCH
What is it Eddie?

EDDIE
Are you very attached to your son?

MITCH
Of course I’m attached to my son.

EDDIE
Well you’ve only known him for like a year or two, I mean how attached could you get right?

MITCH
Eddie what are you trying to say?

EDDIE
I uh…

MITCH
Alright if you’re not gonna tell me directly, let me try and guess. All you have to do is say “yes” or
“no.” That’s it. Got it?

EDDIE
Okay.

MITCH
Um...let’s begin with the hard hitting questions first. Um…is he dead?

EDDIE
No.

MITCH
Whew. Okay good. Second question…is he gay?

EDDIE
What?!

MITCH
I’m just fuckin’ with yah.

EDDIE
This isn’t funny Mitch.

MITCH

41
 Okay, okay. Uh, is he in the hospital?

EDDIE
No.

MITCH
Okay so he’s not dead and he’s not in the hospital. So that means he’s not in any physical pain --
unless you didn’t take him to the hospital. You would take him to the hospital if he was injured
right?

EDDIE
I’m not an idiot.

MITCH
Yeah okay I’m running out of ideas here. What happened?

EDDIE
Keep guessing.

MITCH
Come on just tell me what happened. Did he turn into a fucking monster? Is he possessed by the
devil? Did somebody kidnap him?

EDDIE
…

MITCH
Eddie? Baby Tom wasn’t kidnapped was he?

EDDIE
I’m sorry. I am so sorry!

MITCH
Fuck! Did you call the cops?!

EDDIE
They said not to call the cops or they would kill him -- immediately.

MITCH
Fuck. What do they want?

EDDIE
Apparently nothing.

MITCH
Nothing?! What do you mean nothing?! How could they want nothing?! Does somebody I don’t
know have a fucking vendetta against me or what!?

EDDIE
I don’t know. They just said to go to Warehouse #48 on White Street. Do you know where that is?

MITCH
That’s all the way across town! How am I gonna get there?!

EDDIE
You want a ride?

42
 MITCH
You car is in the shop Eddie! Fuck!

EDDIE
Oh and I forgot to mention you have until midnight.

MITCH
Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?! Who do these guys think they are Duan
Chengshi?!

EDDIE
Huh?

MITCH
The guy who wrote Cinderella.

EDDIE
…

MITCH
Forget it. I’m gonna find these fuckers and I’m gonna kill them.

Mitch hangs up the phone.

INT. SOMEBODY’S HOME, BASEMENT – DAY

There is a family shut in their basement huddling around and listening to a radio.

RADIO
Hordes of people are trying to escape the city as two violent tornados are headed toward the city.
It is complete chaos. The roads are completely clogged and every single store is being raided.
We highly recommend that our listeners…
(The radio fizzles out)

INT. THE STREETS – DAY

The sky is dark and ominous. The streets and roads are completely devoid of people walking on
foot. With the exception of Mitch it seems he is the only one outside a building or a car.

Mitch appears very casual (though he still has gravitas) holding his boarding bag and traveling
down the sidewalk. He sees a parked yellow taxi cab and gets into the back.

INT. THE STREETS, TAXI CAB – DAY

MITCH
Take me to Warehouse 48 on White Street.

CABBIE
Hey man I’m headin’ out of the city. I ain’t drivin’ no passengers.

MITCH
Then why did you park your car on the side of the road?

CABBIE
My wife went into the grocery store to grab supplies. I suggest you go too before the run out.

43
 MITCH
I have better things to do then go into a store and act like a maniac.

CABBIE
Like what?

MITCH
I’m in a real shitty mood, so I’m gonna step out if you don’t mind.

CABBIE
Yah go ahead.

As soon as Mitch gets out of the taxi cab, the cabbie’s wife hops in and they drive off.

EXT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

Mitch walks a short distance and finds himself in front of the grocery store. He looks inside and
sees the crowd of people.

MITCH (VO)
Maybe somebody in here can drive me.

Mitch goes into the grocery store.

INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

The grocery store is crowded. People are literally, grabbing everything off the shelves. Mitch
swerves around the people and looks for somebody who might be able to take him to his
destination.

He tries to talk to several people but they are all caught up in the mid-storm madness. Frustrated,
Mitch takes out a shotgun from his bag and shoots it up into the air. He gets everyone’s attention.

MITCH
(Cowboy Accent)
If y’all don’t start simmerin’ down now I’m gonna hafta butcher me some cattle!

SHOPPER
…Go back to Ireland!

The shoppers ignore Mitch and continue with their ire-style shopping. He decides to leave.

EXT. THE STREETS – DAY

Mitch exist the grocery store. He walks down the sidewalk for a couple of minutes and then
suddenly stops. He looks up.

EXT. BACKDOOR PARTNERS LTD BUILDING – DAY

Mitch looks at the bright red sign, “BACKDOOR PARTNERS LTD.” He suddenly has a
flashback…

FLASHBACK:

INT.GLOBAL BUSINESS MACHINES BUILDING – DAY

44
Mitch is in a cubicle. He is on his computer working when suddenly dozens of adult oriented pop-
ups appear. Mitch tries to close them but they keep coming up. Mitch’s supervisor comes by and
sees this.

SUPERVISOR
(Flaming Homosexual Male)
Sexual harassment! You are so outta here mister!

MITCH
But!

SUPERVISOR
No butts pervert, get your stuff and pack!

The supervisor leaves. Mitch looks scornfully through the corner of his eye at the computer
screen, there in small but bold red letters on all the pop-ups is the words
“Back Door Partners Ltd.”

RETURN TO PRESENT:

EXT. BACKDOOR PARTNERS LTD BUILDING – DAY

With his bag Mitch enters the building.

INT. BACKDOOR PARTNERS LTD BUILDING, LOBBY – DAY

When Mitch gets into the building he sees a secretary behind the counter talking on the phone.
Her conversation seems to be somewhat questionable.

SECRETARY
(On Phone)
Yeah I got it checked out…No! I can’t do that! Nooo. You’re crazy. You are so crazy. I know! I can’t
believe it too! Can you believe it? I can’t believe it! Yeah that’s what I’m saying. Totally, totally. I
think so too. Mm hmm, mm hmm. You did? No really? Really? Really?

Mitch stands at the counter and tries to get the secretary’s attention.

MITCH
Ahem.

SECRETARY
(On Phone)
Oh my God! Oh my god! She didn’t! What a slut! Oh my God!

MITCH
Will you shut the fuck up!

CUT TO:

Mitch opens his eyes and shakes his head, that prior incident was all his imagination.

MITCH
Excuse me.

The Secretary looks at him and continues talking on the phone.

45
 MITCH
(Louder)
Excuse me…

SECRETARY
(To Phone)
I have to go Sandra.
(Whispers)
There’s a really annoying customer here. Okay bye.

The Secretary hangs up the phone and turns her attention to Mitch. She greets him with a fake
smile.

SECRETARY
Hi how may I help you?

MITCH
Is this THE Backdoor Partners Limited?

SECRETARY
The one and only!

MITCH
And this is the internet advertising agency if I’m not mistaken?

SECRETARY
Right on!

MITCH
And you’re the guys who install adware, spyware, malware and viruses on peoples’ computers
right?

SECRETARY
We do advertising partnerships. We do not give people viruses.

MITCH
I know you’re obligated to say that because you work for the company but we all know that’s a
load of crap.

SECRETARY
(Insincere and Loud)
It is not a load of crap! I love my company! And I believe in everything they do. We provide a
great service by getting the consumer’s attention to websites that they wouldn’t normally go to.
We save them a lot of money.

MITCH
On porno.

SECRETARY
The top notchest porno you’ve ever seen!

MITCH
Fake rape, bestiality, cream pie, cum drinking and jail bait? Is that something we really all need to
save money on?

SECRETAY

46
 Yeeeees?

MITCH
Yooooou really get paid a lot here don’t you?

SECRETARY
If you include the office products that I steal -- I mean stylize! Then yes I get paid a lot…in joy.

MITCH
Joy is not part of the social security system.

SECRETARY
(Taps Nose)
So they say, so they say.

MITCH
Miss I think you’re real friendly.

SECRETARY
Thank, thank you very much.

MITCH
But this company is real corrupt. It needs to go down.

SECRETARY
Don’t you have better things to do? Shouldn’t you be taking shelter from the two tornados headed
to this city?

MITCH
I once got impaled by a lead pipe…in the head. So a bit of twisty wind isn’t gonna scare me.

SECRETARY
Boy you sure are lucky. You have all this free time to bitch and moan about how evil this company
is. But I tell you not everyone is fortunate like you and has the free time to jerk around and bother
other people at their jobs! Come hell or high water we have to work! Unlike you!

MITCH
I feel a bit of hostility here. Are you on your period?

SECRETARY
(Gets up to Yell)
Is that what you guys think? When women get angry, they’re on their period?! Well fuck that! That
is bullshit!

MITCH
Yeah I think you are on your period.

SECRETARY
I am not on my period!

MITCH
You’re right. You’re right.

SECRETARY
Thank you.

47
 MITCH
But you are on PMS right?

SECRETARY
Fuck you!

MITCH
Hey you don’t have to be a bitch okay. We all have our problems.

SECRETARY
Don’t make me hop over this counter and kick you in your nuts! What problems could you
possibly have?!

MITCH
My son -- was kidnapped. Today!

SECRETARY
Then what the fuck are you doing here then?

MITCH
They’re kidnappers not murderers. I have plenty of time.

SECRETARY
You are full of shit you know that? In the 2 minutes that I’ve known you I already hate you.

MITCH
I am not a bad guy. I just prioritize differently than most people. Call it mental condition.

SECRETARY
So what you’re telling me is you’re retarded?

MITCH
Let’s cut the shit okay? I just came to have a chit-chat with your CEO. Is he here?

SECRETARY
You took a day off because of tornados.

MITCH
Interesting yet you’re still here.

SECRETARY
Are you saying he’s more important than me?

MITCH
In a manner of speaking, yes.

The Secretary hops over the counter and kicks Mitch in his testes. He falls to the floor. Mitch gets
up, places his bag on the counter, opens it and pulls out his shotgun -- pointing it at the Secretary.
The Secretary falls down and crawls back as Mitch advances toward her.

MITCH
Do you know how much that hurts? You don’t just go around kickin’ people in their nuts for
nothin’! It’s a very sensitive area. And sensitive men can get real sensitive when you kick them in
their sensitive areas!

Mitch pumps his shotgun.

48
 MITCH
I could shoot you right now if I wanted to.

SECRETARY
Please I no I have kids!

MITCH
I’m not gonna kill your kids. I’m not a maniac. I’m just a little ticked off. Haven’t you ever been
ticked off? Oh you were, a minute ago! So you should understand if I shoot you in your leg.

Mitch pumps his shotgun again and points it at the Secretary’s leg.

SECRETARY
Ah!

MITCH
Screaming is not going to help lady. It only makes me angrier!

SECRETARY
You have issues.

MITCH
I’m an angry man. I just can’t let things go. Maybe I’m too anal retentive. What do you think?

SECRETARY
Is that a rhetorical question?

MITCH
Yeah I think it is.

SECRETARY
Are you going to kill me?

MITCH
No. I’m not in the mood to get my shirt dirty…but you know you can leave if you want to?

The Secretary scrambles to her feet and runs out the building. Mitch enters the door marked,
“Employees Only.”
INT. EMPLOYEES ONLY AREA – DAY

When Mitch enters the “Employees Only” area, he finds there are actually no employees at all.
There are only odd looking computers, machines if you will, and dim lighting in this large
mysterious room.

Taking caution Mitch slowly walks around and looks for signs of any human life. Suddenly out of
nowhere appears a janitor. Mitch reels back and falls to the floor in surprise. But he sees it’s just a
harmless janitor and promptly gets back up.

MITCH
Do you always scare the hell out of people?

JANITOR
Just my wife.

Mitch scratches his noggin.

49
 MITCH
This a real weird place.

JANITOR
You noticed huh?

MITCH
The place is empty because everyone evacuated right?

JANITOR
Nope.

MITCH
Then –

JANITOR
Then the place is fully automated.

MITCH
So this is the wave of the future huh?

JANITOR
A world without jobs and a world without labor -- it’s the ideal solution!

MITCH
For what though?

JANITOR/MITCH
…For the rich bastards.

JANITOR
Hi I’m Pete.

Mitch and the Janitor shake hands.

MITCH
Mitch. Mitch Hogan.

JANITOR
So Mitch what’re you doing here?

MITCH
Um, actually I --

JANITOR
Were going to torch down the place?

MITCH
No…I don’t wanna hurt anybody.

JANITOR
But you were going to do something right?

MITCH
I don’t think I will anymore.

50
 JANITOR
Good because I didn’t wanna have to kill you.

MITCH
What?

Janitor grabs Mitch around the throat and lifts him off the ground. Mitch drops his bag.

JANITOR
I told you this place is fully automated.

The Janitor rips his face off and reveals a robot!

MITCH
What the fuck!

R. JANITOR
Don’t struggle so much it really annoys me.

MITCH
You said you didn’t wanna kill me!

R. JANITOR
I’m not a human -- I can change mind.

Mitch reaches into his pocket and pulls out his switch blade. He stabs the robot in his eye. The
robot lets go of Mitch and pulls the knife out.

R. JANITOR
That wasn’t very nice.

The robotic janitor breaks the switch blade in half and advances toward Mitch. Mitch grabs his
bag and pulls out his shotgun.

He shoots the robot over and over again, even using different guns from his bag, but it keeps
coming. Not knowing what to do Mitch opens a bottle of water and splashes it on the Robotic
Janitor -- causing him to short circuit.

The real janitor appears and sees this.

REAL JANITOR
Holy shit! You killed robot! Oh my God! Do you know how much that prototype was worth?! A
hundred million fucking dollars! And I was supposed to be watching it!

MITCH
Never make a robot do a human’s work.

INT. WAREHOUSE #48 – DAY

In the wheel chair holding Baby Tom is Mob Boss Luchiano. He is surrounded by his henchmen
patiently waiting for the appearance of Mitch.

TONY
With all due respect Don Luchiano, why are we waiting for this asshole?

LUCHIANO

51
I have explained it to you many times Anthony. I do not want to just kill him, I want to torture him.

TONY
I still don’t think it’s a good idea Don Luchiano.

LUCHIANO
He crashed his car into me and put me in a wheel chair. I want him to feel the very same pain that
I did. If that is too much to ask of you then I suggest you leave.

CUT TO:

Mitch appears in the warehouse (holding his boarding bag).

MITCH
You have something that belongs to me?

Luchiano is wheeled forward to Mitch by Tony and his Henchmen.

LUCHIANO
You mean this?

Luchiano pinches Baby Tom’s cheeks.

MITCH
Get your hands off my son.

LUCHIANO
Do you even know why you’re here?

MITCH
Because you’re a sick son of a bitch?

LUCHIANO
I didn’t invite you here to insult me.

MITCH
You didn’t invite me at all.

LUCHIANO
Touché Mr. Hogan, touché. That’s French for “Good point.”

MITCH
I’m not retarded.

LUCHIANO
Maybe you are? Anybody who fucks with me has to be retarded.

MITCH
You don’t know who you’re messin’ with pal.

LUCHIANO
I could kill you right now if I wanted to. I could also kill your son. But I’m not in the mood for
sadism today. So count your lucky stars.

MITCH
If you touch even one hair on my son --

52
 LUCHIANO
You’ll what?

Luchiano plucks a hair from Baby Tom’s head, causing him to cry.

MITCH
You bastard!

Mitch rushes forward but stops in his tracks when Luchiano’s men pull out their weapons.

LUCHIANO
(Wags Finger)
You don’t run in my warehouse, because that could cause injury.

MITCH
Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you?

LUCHIANO
Because I did not enjoy the gift you gave me.

MITCH
What gift?

LUCHIANO
(Taps wheelchair)
This wheelchair. Remember when you hit me?

FLASHBACK:

EXT/INT. ROAD, LUCHIANO’S CAR – DAY

Luchiano is sitting in the back of his luxurious car waiting in traffic, when all of a sudden another
car hits him. Luchiano is badly injured.

DRIVER
Don Luchiano!

LUCHIANO
Get his license plate number.

Through Luchiano’s vehicle we see the back of Mitch’s head in his car speeding away. The Driver
squints and jots down Mitch’s license plate number on a notepad.

RETURN TO PRESENT:

MITCH
That was an accident.

LUCHIANO
It was not an accident. You were fully aware of what you were doing.

MITCH
So what now I’m gonna have an “accident”?

LUCHIANO
No…anything we do to you is gonna be done on purpose.

53
 MITCH
I don’t care what you do to me! Just let me son go!

LUCHIANO
I think you owe me an apology.

MITCH
Is that what you want an apology?! Alright I’m sorry. Now will you give me my son back?

LUCHIANO
It’s too late for apologies now.

Mitch reaches to zip his bag open.

LUCHIANO
Don’t touch your bag.

Mitch withdraws his hand.

LUCHIANO
Put your bag on the floor.

Mitch slowly lowers his bag to the floor.

LUCHIANO
Tony, get the bag.

Tony (Anthony) picks up the bag and brings it over to Luchiano. Luchiano zips open the bag. He
sticks his hand inside…and pulls out a diaper.

LUCHIANO
A diaper, you came armed with a diaper?!
(Laughs)
That is the most hilarious thing in the world!

MITCH
What is so funny?

LUCHIANO
You know here I thought you were carrying a bag of guns and you come with diapers? And --

Luchiano reaches into the bag and pulls out a baby bottle with milk.

LUCHIANO
Milk!
(Laughs)
You really are ill prepared for today. Aren’t you?

MITCH
Today and forever. That won’t stop me from loving my son.

LUCHIANO
I am in a very good mood now. So I will have one of my men take your son home -- safely.

MITCH
Thank you.

54
 LUCHIANO
But I am still very upset that I have the inability to walk. So you are not getting off the hook.

MITCH
I understand.

Luchiano gives the baby to Tony.

LUCHIANO
Take him and make sure no harm comes to little Giovanni. I’ve grown quite attached to him.

MITCH
Giovanni?

LUCHIANO
He looks like a Giovanni.

MITCH
…

Tony begins to walk away.

LUCHIANO
Tony.

Tony pauses and turns to Luchiano.

LUCHIANO
Don’t forget his diapers.

Luchiano tosses the bag to Tony, he catches it and goes away.

MITCH
How do I know you’re really taking my son home?

LUCHIANO
I have killed many men in my life, but never women and never children.

MITCH
That’s quite admirable.

LUCHIANO
My philosophy is mercy to those who deserve it and wrath to those who deserve it.

MITCH
I like your philosophy.

MITCH
You won’t like it in a minute.

CUT TO:

INT. WAREHOUSE WASHROOM – DAY

Mitch is tied to a chair, being beat up by three of Luchiano’s henchmen. He is black and blue but
not yet bleeding.

55
 MITCH
Stop!
(Panting)

The henchmen stop.

MITCH
Can’t you just give me a break? I didn’t mean to hit him!

HENCHMAN
Well Don Luchiano thinks otherwise.

The Henchman raises his fist to hit Mitch, but Mitch interrupts him.

MITCH
Stop!

HENCHMAN
What?

MITCH
I forgot to tell you guys I’m HIV positive.

HENCHMAN
Don’t fuck around.

MITCH
No I’m dead serious.

HENCHMAN
?

MITCH
You better stop and wash yourself up before you catch my disease.

HENCHMAN 2
He’s lying.

HENCHMAN
Well what if he ain’t lyin’?

HENCHMAN 2
Put ‘im fuckin’ Saran ® wrap.

HENCHMAN
I’m not touching him.

HENCHMAN 2
You, pussy.

HENCHMAN
You wanna touch him? Fine go ahead!

Henchman 2 reluctantly draws his fist back, but decides against it and puts his “duke” down.

56
 HENCHMAN 2
I ain’t know nothin’ about this mother fucker I ain’t touchin’ him.

HENCHMAN 3
Are you guys fucking stupid? He’s just trying to trick us.

MITCH
Am I?

HENCHMAN 3
Yes and I am gonna beat the shit outta you myself.

MITCH
Luckily we’re in a washroom. After you beat the shit out of me you can just flush it down the toilet
-- along with the HIV.

Henchman 3 raises his fist but quickly lowers it down.

HENCHMAN 3
Fuck this I ain’t touchin’ him. Luchiano can suck my nuts. I’m not getting’ AIDS.

MITCH
HIV.

HENCHMAN 3
Whatever the fuck you have I’m not touching you.

MITCH
What if your boss found out you skipped out on your duties? Wouldn’t that piss him off?

HENCHMAN
He’s right. Luchiano’s gonna raise hell if he finds out.

HENCHMAN 2
You just keep your fuckin’ mouth shut ah?

MITCH
Tight as a zipper.

HENCHMAN 3
Do you actually trust this schmuck to keep his mouth shut?

HENCHMAN
What other choice does he have?

HENCHMAN 2
I think we should just drown ‘im in the toilet. That way there’ll be no blood.

HENCHMAN 3
Luchiano said to torture him not kill him -- ‘till later.

HENCHMAN
If the suspense ain’t torture I don’t know what is.

HENCHMAN 3
Will you shut the fuck up?

57
 HENCHMAN
Fuck you.

HENCHMAN 2
Will you guys stop arguing?! It’s givin’ me a fuckin’ headache!

HENCHMAN 3
Boo…hoo.

HENCHMAN
Why don’t we just stay in the washroom and leave the poor sap to his own devices huh? Then
when a couple of minutes pass by, we’ll smear some ketchup on his face. Then we bring ‘im out.
Boss won’t know the difference. Guy’s blind as a bat.

HENCHMAN 2
Sounds like a good idea I’m gonna go take a shit.

Henchman 2 heads toward the stalls, but is called back by Henchman 3.

HENCHMAN 3
‘ey! Where you think you’re goin’? You ain’t stickin’ up the bathroom while I’m in here.

HENCHMAN
He’s got a point your shits really stink.

HENCHMAN 2
Of course they stink it’s shit.

HENCHMAN
No. I’ve smelt shit before. Your shit -- ain’t shit. Smells like fuckin’ sulfuric acid, vinegar, vomit, and
sour milk combined! I don’t know what you eat, but you gotta stop. Anything that smells that bad
can’t possibly be good for you.

HENCHMAN 2
Oh grow up.

HENCHMAN 3
So what we just gonna stand here or what?

HENCHMAN
Yeah I guess.

The three henchmen stand around, bored out of their minds. Henchman 2 starts whistling.

HENCHMAN 3
Could you please stop whistling?

HENCHMAN 2
No. I think I’m gonna keep whistling.

Henchman 2 continues whistling.

HENCHMAN 3
You’re really getting on my nerves you know that?

HENCHMAN 2

58
 Well so are you! First you won’t let me take a shit, now you won’t let me whistle? What do you
have against whistling anyways?

HENCHMAN 3
If you whistle in a washroom bad things will happen.

HENCHMAN 2
Are you fucking kidding me?

HENCHMAN
The man is extremely superstitious.

MITCH
If there’s anything worse than getting beating up it’s your inane conversations! Will you guys shut
up!

Henchman 3 pulls out a gun and points it at Mitch’s forehead.

HENCHMAN 3
Go ahead keep talking! Make me pull the trigger!

HENCHMAN
Put the gun down.

HENCHMAN 3
Not until this asshole apologizes!

Henchman 1 pulls his gun out and points it at Henchman 3.

HENCHMAN
Put the gun down.

HENCHMAN 3
You better get that shit off my head mother fucker!

Henchman 2 takes out his gun and points it at the first Henchman’s head.

HENCHMAN 2
What’re you fucking crazy! Get that gun off my brother’s fucking head!

With his other arm, Henchman 3 pulls out another gun and points it at Henchman 1, aiming for his
torso.

HENCHMAN 3
You better put that gun down.

HENCHMAN
You put yours down first.

Henchman 2 draws another gun with his other hand and points it at Mitch.

HENCHMAN 2
You don’t take that gun away from my brother and I’m gonna kill this mother fucker.

Henchman 1 takes a gun out with his other hand and points it at Henchman 2.

59
 HENCHMAN
Then I will just have to kill you.

MITCH
...Come on shoot ‘im!

HENCHMAN 3
Shut the fuck up!

MITCH
Listen to me! This is not a movie. It is not Pulp Fiction. If one you accidentally, pulls the trigger we
will all be dead! Do you want that?! Because I don’t!

HENCHMAN
He’s right. We should put the guns down and just forget-about-it.

The three henchmen slowly put their guns down.

MITCH
See. Doesn’t that feel much better? A less hostile environment is a positive environment.

HENCHMAN 2
He’s right I feel much safer, like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels nice.

They all nod their heads in agreement.

CUT TO:

All of a sudden a loud explosion is heard from inside the washroom. The henchmen turn their
attention to the noise, which seems to have emanated from behind one of the washroom stalls.

Suddenly a washroom stall, door kicks open. Eddie (Mitch’s Brother) is standing in front of a
crumbled wall and a severely broken toilet, holding a jackhammer shot gun. With it he shoots the
three astonished henchman and they die instantly.

Eddie walks over to Mitch.

MITCH
Eddie what’re you doing here?

EDDIE
Savin’ your ass.

MITCH
Isn’t it your fault I’m here in the first place?

EDDIE
Do you want me to get you out of here or not?

MITCH
Yeah hurry up.

Eddie unties Mitch. Mitch gets up and dusts himself off.

EDDIE
Did you find Baby Tom?

60
Mitch bends over the dead henchmen.

MITCH
Yeah -- they took him home.

EDDIE
In exchange for you right?

He takes the bullets out from the (6 shooter) guns and begins putting them in his pocket.

MITCH
Yeah.

Mitch takes two of the guns (fully loaded). He stands up and tucks them into his pants. Eddie
pauses and looks silently at Mitch.

MITCH
Why are you looking at me like that?

EDDIE
Aren’t you wondering how I devised this ingenious plan?

MITCH
No not really.

EDDIE
So you’re not curious at all? Not even a little?

MITCH
No.

EDDIE
…Fine but if you ask me later on I’m not gonna tell you!

MITCH
That’s fine with me.

EDDIE
…bah!

MITCH
Let’s just get the hell out of here before somebody comes.

Eddie and Mitch walk into the washroom stall with the blown up toilet and wall. As they enter it,
two other henchmen come into the washroom. Mitch carefully closes the stall door. The two
brothers peek cautiously through the crack of the door.

EDDIE
(Whispering)
Let’s take ‘em out.

MITCH
(Whispering)
Wait.

61
The two henchmen find the bodies. They look at the inconspicuously look at the washroom stalls;
they spot Eddie and Mitch’s feet. The two whisper something to each other. They turn their back
opposite to Eddie and Mitch.

Then all of a sudden they spin around with two Tommy Guns. Eddie and Mitch drop to the ground
before the henchmen start blasting. At the same time, Eddie rolls into the adjacent stall toward
the right and Mitch to the one on the left.

Mitch shoots the henchman to his right and Eddie to the one of his left, forming an X. The two bad
guys die. Mitch and Eddie simultaneously exit the stalls. They meet in the middle.

MITCH
Now to get my baby back.

EDDIE
Baby back, baby back, baby back, Chili’s baby back ribs.

INT. MITCH’S HOUSE, BASEMENT – DAY

Mitch’s wife, Sheena, is asleep in the basement. The doorbell rings and wakes her up. She gets
up from her futon and goes upstairs. Sheena answers the door.

At the door is mafia man Tony, he is holding Baby Tom. We can see the stormy weather in the
background.

SHEENA
My baby!

Sheena grabs Baby Tom and holds him tight.

SHEENA
You found him! Oh thank you!

TONY
No problem.

SHEENA
How did you get him away from my husband? He was with my husband right?

TONY
Was.

SHEENA
You are a life saver! How can I make it up to you?

TONY
Oh I could think of a way.

CUT TO:

INT. MITCH’S HOUSE, MASTER BEDROOM – DAY

We hear a loud moaning noise outside the master bedroom door.

CUT TO:

62
We are taken inside the master bedroom. Sheena is laying on the bed, getting a non-sexual
massage from the mafia man, Tony.

SHEENA
Mm yeah…that feels so good.

TONY
Thank you.

SHEENA
I still can’t believe you enjoy massaging people. I mean it’s one thing to get a massage…mm
yeah…but getting pleasure giving a massage? Isn’t it tiring on your hands?

TONY
No not at all. It’s cathartic. I just imagine I’m strangling somebody. It’s how I get my aggression
out.

SHEENA
Did you say strangling?

TONY
Um…I meant wrangling. I used to be a, uh cowboy.

SHEENA
Wow. What’s it like being a cowboy?

TONY
Not as gay as people think.

SHEENA
Really?

TONY
Uh huh. You’d be surprised how satisfying a cow could be.

SHEENA
Are you saying you’re into bestiality?

TONY
It’s better than bein’ a fag right?

SHEENA
No.

TONY
Well it’s no worse than masturbating.

SHEENA
What’s wrong with masturbation?

TONY
It’s a sin. Don’t you follow the Bible?

SHEENA
You seriously believe in the Bible?

63
 TONY
Yeah -- it’s my religion.

SHEENA
And you believe in all those ridiculous stories? Like Adam & Eve?

TONY
Well --

SHEENA
Let me tell you what the Bible’s all about -- do what we say or the big invisible man is gonna kick
your ass. That’s pretty much the general message.

TONY
I don’t think I agree with your views.

SHEENA
Huh?

Tony flips Sheena over and starts strangling.

SHEENA
Ack! What’re you doing! I can’t breathe!

TONY
That’s the point!

The master bedroom door swings open. Mitch and Eddie appear (unarmed).

MITCH
Get your hands off my slutty wife!

EDDIE
And my sister in-law!

Tony lets go of Sheena. He gets off her and to his feet.

TONY
You think you’re so tough ah? Tellin’ me what to do ah?

Tony goes into his jacket and pulls out two brass knuckles; he puts them on.

TONY
How about I give you paisanos a couple of knuckle sandwiches?

EDDIE
I’m a vegetarian.

TONY
Fuck you!

Tony rushes toward Eddie and punches him in the face, knocking him out cold. Mitch looks at
Tony, perturbed at his mighty fist.

SHEENA
Run Mitch! Run!

64
Mitch dashes out the master bedroom and quickly heads downstairs. Tony chases after him.
Mitch falls down the steps and stumbles to the main floor, where Tony jumps on top of him and
begins pounding away at his face. The pain is unbearable.

TONY
You don’t fuck with Tony!

MITCH
Stop! You’re smudging the makeup I used to cover my bruises!

While Tony is wailing away, Eddie appears from behind. He is holding a vase -- which soon
comes smashing down on the back of Tony’s skull. Tony is knocked unconscious. Mitch rolls him
off and gets to his feet.

MITCH
Did you have to smash my favorite vase?

EDDIE
Nobody’s told you this -- but it’s really ugly.

MITCH
Really?

EDDIE
Really!

Sheena trots downstairs.

SHEENA
Oh my god! You killed him!

MITCH
He’s not dead.

SHEENA
I can’t believe you Mitchell. You smashed my grandma’s vase! Do you know how long that’s been
in the family for?

MITCH
I saved you life lady. I think you should be grateful.

SHEENA
You think you saved my life but you just cleaned up a mess you made.

EDDIE
She’s got you there Mitch.

MITCH
You cheat on me and expect me to bow down when I come into the house? What is your
problem?!

SHEENA
You don’t even know what you’re talking about.

MITCH
Yeah I think I do. Come on Eddie let’s go!

65
Mitch and Eddie begin walking away.

SHEENA
Where the fuck, do you think you’re going?!

MITCH
Anywhere but here!

EDDIE
See yah Sheena!

SHEENA
Fine get the fuck out! See what I care!

Mitch and Eddie leave.

INT. AIRPLANE – DAY

Mitch and Eddie or an Airplane, seated together. We can also see the weather outside the
airplane; it’s dark and stormy.

MITCH
Why are we on this airplane again?

EDDIE
I have to settle some business in Mexico.

MITCH
And what business would that be?

EDDIE
I, uh, got a girl pregnant.

MITCH
Is she fat?

EDDIE
Is she fat???

MITCH
Yeah is she a fatty?

EDDIE
Does that matter?

MITCH
Course it matters. You don’t wanna end up with a fatty do you?

EDDIE
You got something against fat people?

MITCH
(Embarrassed)
Nooo. It’s just that --

EDDIE

66
 Go on…

MITCH
I lost my virginity to a fat chick.

EDDIE
What’s your point?

MITCH
Have you ever broken up with a fat chick?

EDDIE
Never been with a fat chick.

MITCH
So you wouldn’t know.

EDDIE
Wouldn’t know what?

MITCH
If you make a fat a chick pissed she will not be gracious about her fat. Imagine you get into an
argument.

EDDIE
Okay.

MITCH
Now imagine that argument gets a little out of hand.

EDDIE
Alright.

MITCH
Now imagine 200 pounds of flesh -- on your face.

EDDIE
Uh…

MITCH
Yeah it’s pretty horrific. Now imagine she farts -- a wet fart. A dirty wet fart.

EDDIE
Gross!

MITCH
Now she didn’t do that intentionally, and she apologized, but I still can’t forget the diarrhea taste.

EDDIE
I can’t either.
(Covers Ears)
Make it stop!

The airplane passengers look at Eddie.

MITCH

67
 It’s just a story.

EDDIE
That will stay with me for the rest of my life. Oh I can smell those wet farts from here.

MITCH
You really need some Ritalin.

EDDIE
You got?

MITCH
No…

EDDIE
(Looks Out Window)
Man it’s really bad outside. Should we even be flying in this weather?

MITCH
No. But the airline needs money.

EDDIE
So the airline is willing to put our lives in danger just to get in a couple extra flights?

MITCH
You know what they say it’s all about the Benjamins.

EDDIE
Yeah but it’s really bad outside. I mean wasn’t there just a double tornado warning?

MITCH
Fuck the weather warning! The only thing I’m concerned about is the fucking terrorists.

EDDIE
Typical American.

MITCH
American, yes. Typical, yes.

EDDIE
Uh…

MITCH
You know what I’m in the mood for a snack.

Mitch buzzes for the steward. A male steward comes along.

MITCH
Hi! Do you guys have any peanuts?

STEWARD
No peanuts.

MITCH
You gotta have peanuts. This is an airplane right?

68
 STEWARD
If you don’t believe me then why did you ask me in the first place?

MITCH
It’s called common courtesy. You might’ve heard of it?

STEWARD
Don’t be a jerk.

MITCH
So you don’t have peanuts?

STEWARD
Yes.

MITCH
So you do have peanuts?

STEWARD
No.

MITCH
And why don’t you have peanuts? Is it a money thing?

STEWARD
No -- many people are allergic to peanuts.

MITCH
Isn’t that why you put them in little bags?

STEWARD
Stop asking so many questions.

MITCH
Why should I stop asking so many questions? Do you have a problem with me asking so many
questions? I just want to know why you do not have peanuts.

STEWARD
Sir if you want peanuts so badly why don’t you ask your friend for the ones in his pants?

EDDIE
What the fuck is your problem? What kind of steward are you?

STEWARD
That’s a good question.

The steward pulls out an Uzi. Three other male “stewards” join in and pull out their Uzis as well.

STEWARD
Alright everybody this is a hijacking! If you do what we say you will not die!

The passengers are confounded and scared, unsure of their fate.

EDDIE
So you’re not a steward?

69
The Steward (Terrorist) whips Eddie in the face with his gun.

STEWARD
Shut up!

Though angry, Eddie remains quiet.

STEWARD
We are going to need four hostages to get into the cockpit!

The passengers look at each other afraid and confused.

STEWARD
Who is going to volunteer?

The Steward points to two people with his gun.

STEWARD
You and you -- get up.

The wife and husband stand up.

STEWARD
Get over here.

The wife and husband join the Steward.

STEWARD
Keep your head down and do not make eye contact with me.

The two keep their head down. The Steward eyeballs the passengers.

STEWARD
Now I need two more. Who is going to volunteer? Don’t make me choose again.

Once again no passengers stand up.

STEWARD
(Points)
Okay you and you.

A single mother and her child stand up.

STEWARD
What are you waiting for? Get over here!

The mother and child join the two other hostages. The first Steward (Terrorist) gestures with his
head for Steward 2 to accompany him, which he does.

STEWARD
If any of you make a noise or get out of line my two friends over there
(Points)
will kill you. Is that clear? Okay. Let’s go.

EDDIE
Wait!

70
 STEWARD
You again? How many times do I have to hit you?

EDDIE
Don’t take the mom and child. Take us. Me and my brother -- we mean nothing to the world

Mitch has an expression of surprise on his face.

STEWARD
Really? You’re sacrificing yourself for two strangers you don’t even know?

EDDIE
Sacrifice?

STEWARD
Okay you two go back to your seat.

The mother and her child run to their seats.

STEWARD
You and your brother come along. And be careful not to piss me off.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPLANE, OUTSIDE COCKPIT - DAY

Steward 2 knocks on the door.

PILOT (OS)
Who is it?

STEWARD
Jack.

PILOT (OS)
Jack who?

STEWARD
I am a Steward. Let me in.

PILOT (OS)
Nobody’s allowed in here while in the air.

STEWARD
Oh come on! I want to meet you.

PILOT (OS)
You can’t come in! This is the new policy! We have to follow the rules!

STEWARD
Okay! Okay!
(To Steward 2)
See I told you it wouldn’t work. Now we do it my way.

Steward 2 knocks on the cockpit door.

71
 PILOT (OS)
What is it?

STEWARD
We have four hostages outside if you do not let us in we will kill them!

PILOT 2 (OS)
Fuck you asshole!

STEWARD
No fuck you!

The Steward Terrorist shoots at the door, unfortunately for him it is bullet proof.

PILOT 2 (OS)
Ha! Ha!

STEWARD
Fuck!
(Kicks Door)
Let us in! I swear to God we will waste these passengers!

PILOT (OS)
Go away!

STEWARD
If you don’t let us in we will kill these people in 10 seconds. Ten!

PILOT 2 (OS)
Listen up dick head! We are not going to jeopardize everyone’s lives just for a couple of
passengers! Especially our own!

STEWARD
You are making me angry!

PILOT (OS)
Get angry all you want you terrorist son of a bitch! We are not opening the door until we land!

STEWARD
Fucking bitch!

PILOT (OS)
Suck my balls you airplane crashing terrorists!

STEWARD
We aren’t terrorists! We’re just hijackers! We just want money! You wouldn’t let innocent people
die for money would you?

The pilots go silent.

PILOT (OS)
No I think it’s at trick.

STEWARD
It is not a -- fine you know what! It is! It’s a trick! We’re terrorists! And we are going to kill all these
passengers! But let me tell you something -- one of those people may be somebody you know.

72
 PILOT 2 (OS)
Steve no!

PILOT (OS)
My daughter’s out there! I have to!

PILOT 2 (OS)
No they said they were terrorists! They’re gonna kill us all!

PILOT (OS)
Maybe they’re not!

STEWARD
Who knows maybe we’re not! Take a chance!

PILOT 2 (OS)
Steve, stop!

PILOT (OS)
You can’t stop me I wanna see my daughter!

PILOT 2 (OS)
Control your emotions you retard! He doesn’t know who your daughter is!

The cockpit door opens. Standing behind it is the Pilot (1). The Steward looks at him.

STEWARD
You did the right thing…

The Steward whips the pilot with his Uzi.

STEWARD
…For us! Thank you!

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPLANE, COCKPIT – DAY

The large windows reveal the ominous looking sky, with its dark clouds, rain, and lightning.

The two terrorists, Steward (1) and Steward 2 guide and fly the airplane. Mitch, Eddie, the
Husband and Wife sit quietly in the back. And on the ground is the dead body of Pilot 2.

MITCH
Excuse me.

The Steward terrorists ignore me.

MITCH
Excuse me!

STEWARD
What the fuck do you want?

MITCH
You don’t need us anymore right? Why don’t you just let us go?

73
 STEWARD
I want witnesses to see the glorious moment.

MITCH
Are you really going to crash this plane?

STEWARD
Yes! Why are you asking so many stupid questions?!

MITCH
Then why should I continue sitting here?

STEWARD
Do you ever shut up? You are sitting there because you are enjoying your last moments together.
And you do not want your last moments to be of horror and pain. So shut up and enjoy my
generosity.

Mitch whispers to Eddie.

STEWARD
I told you not to talk! You are really testing my patience.

MITCH
Sorry. We’re just enjoying our last moments together.

Outside the storm increases in intensity and suddenly the plane experiences extreme turbulence.
The plane shakes and the lights flicker, everyone in the cockpit is thrown aside.

CUT TO:

Outside of the cockpit (the cabin) the passengers scream in horror as the plane veers to the side
and the lights go out.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPLANE, COCKPIT – DAY (DARK LIKE NIGHT THOUGH)

The lights throughout the airplane are now completely functionless; it seems the lightning from
the storm has had an adverse effect on them.

Inside the cockpit the two terrorists get up from the (now) sloped floor and proceed to grab their
weapons, but Mitch and Eddie promptly attack them.

As there are no lights in the plane, the only illumination comes from the lightning outside. As the
lightning flashes “on and off” we see each violent attack from the two brothers. Soon Mitch and
Eddie subdue the terrorists.

They scramble (Eddie & Mitch) into the pilot seats and try to take control of the plane, but they
have no idea what they are doing.

EDDIE
Do you know what you’re doing!?

MITCH
No! Do you?!

74
 EDDIE
Fuck no!

The plane goes deeper into the storm.

EDDIE
Aw shit!

The plane loses control and begins spinning around.

CUT TO:

EXT. AIRPLANE – DAY

Show an exterior shot of the airplane spinning around. Come out of that shot and reveal it riding
in a tornado. Come further out and show a cow spinning in the wind.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPLANE, CABIN - DAY

Pandemonium has struck the passengers. Not even the unconscious terrorists can control them!
People are throwing up left and right, women are screaming, and children are crying. It is utter
chaos!

INT. AIRPLANE, COCKPIT – DAY

A cow passes by the window. Eddie, Mitch and the couple are still in the cockpit trying to make
sense of the situation.

EDDIE
Do any of you know how to fly an airplane?!

HUSBAND
I once used a flight simulator!

MITCH
(Snaps Fingers)
That’s it!

EDDIE
What’s it!?

MITCH
A flight simulator! Remember when we were kids we used to play that all the time?

EDDIE
So what!? Even if we did know how to fly we’re in a fucking storm!

MITCH
Exactly! Remember I added a patch to the game? And it simulated flying into a twister! So all we
gotta do is play this like a video game!

EDDIE
I haven’t played in years!

75
 MITCH
Come on think back! Or we’re all dead!

EDDIE
Alright! But if we die…

MITCH
I’ll take full responsibility!

EDDIE
That’s comforting!

Eddie and Mitch try to remember playing the flight simulator on their computer.

FLASHBACK:

INT. HOGAN RESIDENCE – DAY

Kid Mitch is on his computer playing the flight simulator. Kid Eddie is sitting beside him pretending
to be his co-pilot.

KID MITCH
Oh no we’re going into turbulence!

KID EDDIE
Hold steady! Hold steady!

KID MITCH
Oh no we’re going down!

KID EDDIE
No we’re not!

Kid Eddie takes control of the computer and “rescues” the airplane.

KID MITCH
You did it!

KID EDDIE
Yay!

RETURN TO PRESENT:

EDDIE
Alright let’s do this!

EXT. AIRPLANE, HIGHWAY – DAY

Somehow Eddie and Mitch get the airplane out of the storm/tornado; they make an emergency
landing on the highway. Vehicles hastily swerve out of the way to avoid the crushing wheels of the
plane, causing numerous accidents.

CUT TO:

INT. OBLIVIOUS CAR, HIGHWAY – DAY

76
A pretty woman is applying mascara in her car, using the rearview mirror. The airplane comes into
the view of her mirror. She panics and presses on the gas, but her car won’t go. The woman rolls
out of her car.

EXT. AIRPLANE, HIGHWAY - DAY

The airplane stops in the nick of time sparing her car and her life. People get out of their cars and
look. The plane doors open up and the evacuation slides come out. Passengers from the airplane
come out one by one.

When all the passengers are out, Mitch and Eddie, along with the unconscious terrorists, go down
the slide. They stand in the middle of the crowd. The husband and wife from the cockpit put their
arms around Mitch and Eddie’s shoulders.

HUSBAND
We are alive today because of these guys!

WIFE
So let us give them the ovation they deserve!

The crowd claps for Eddie and Mitch, cheering and “wooing”! Mitch and Eddie smile shyly. The
crowd quiets down and the husband points to the terrorists.

HUSBAND
(Points)
And these are the terrorists!

WIFE
Let us give them the beating they so sorely deserve!

The crowd rushes toward the terrorists. Mitch and Eddie are pushed back by the mob and are
quickly taken out of the circle. Mitch and Eddie watch as the blood literally flies.

EDDIE
All in a day’s work?

MITCH
All in a day’s work.

We look up into the sky and see that the storm has cleared and the tornados are gone. A rainbow
appears out of nowhere.

INT. MITCH’S HOUSE – DAY

Mitch returns home.

SHEENA
Mitch!

He is greeted by his wife with a hug.

MITCH
Please let go of me.

SHEENA

77
 I can’t believe you saved all those people! That’s not like you at all. Usually you’re so cowardly
and shy and timid.

MITCH
Why are you hugging me Sheena? You know I want a divorce right?

SHEENA
A divorce? Why?
(Let’s Go of Mitch)

MITCH
You cheated on me!

SHEENA
I did not cheat on you!

MITCH
You don’t think much of me do you? I saw you fucking another guy!

SHEENA
What the hell are you talking about?!

MITCH
What do you not understand about you cheating on me?! God it’s like talking to a wall!

SHEENA
You know you’ve done that before right?

MITCH
Sheena this is no time for jokes. I’m pissed off and all you’re doing is aggravating me even more.

Sheena pauses from the conversation and looks to the side. She seems to be thinking about
something.

MITCH
Sheena?

SHEENA
Mitch did you forget to take your medicine?

MITCH
I didn’t forget.

SHEENA
You mean this whole time you’ve been off your medication?!

MITCH
Sheena let’s not start with this again!
(Stamps His Foot)
I do not want to put that shit in my body!

SHEENA
For god sake Mitch! You’re autistic! You have to take your medicine!

MITCH
(Angry)

78
 Why!? Why?!

SHEENA
You’re delusions because you’re not taking your medicine.

MITCH
What are you saying? That all the things that happened to me today were fake?! That I didn’t
steal a bus and that I didn’t stick up a big fucking Mexican?!

SHEENA
What?

MITCH
Sheena I will not take your pills!

SHEENA
You have to! For Pete sake can’t you see it’s ruining our marriage?!

MITCH
How?

SHEENA
For one you think I cheated on you.

MITCH
You did!

SHEENA
Get your head straight Mitch! I did not cheat on you! Think about it carefully!

FLASHBACK:

INT. MITCH’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM – Day

Mitch is watching TV in the living. We can see in front of him on the coffee table a bottle of pills
and a glass full of water.

SHOW ON TV:

INT. HOUSE – DAY

Mitchell walks into his house and sees Sheila cheating on him with a man named Guerrero.

MITCHELL
Oh my God! Sheila! What’re you doing?!

Sheena stops humping young Guerrero.

SHEILA
You bore me Mitchell!

MITCHELL
You bitch!

Mitchell starts throwing things at Guerrero.

RETURN TO LIVING ROOM:

79
Mitch picks up the glass of water on the coffee table and drinks it. He gets up and leaves the
living room. He returns to the living room with the baby and proceeds to leave the house. The
door slam shuts as he exists. Sheena calls out to him.

SHEENA
Mitch?

RETURN TO PRESENT:

MITCH
Oh my god you’re right!

SHEENA
I told you.

MITCH
Then did all that stuff actually happen to me?

SHEENA
Well the airplane thing was real.

MITCH
No that’s not what’s bothering. How do I know you’re real?

SHEENA
Mitch just because you’re autistic doesn’t mean you’re insane. It just means you confuse reality
sometimes.

MITCH
Oh really? Mrs. Doubtfire!

Mitch tugs at Sheena’s hair.

SHEENA
Mitch, stop it!

Sheena slaps him in the face.

MITCH
Sorry.

SHEENA
You have to take your pills.

MITCH
But I feel so liberated! I feel so free! Those pills are nothing but placebos. They don’t do anything
but keep me back.

SHEENA
Please you have to take them.

MITCH
Okay I’ll take them…after I settle score.

Mitch leaves the house. Sheena screams at him from inside.

80
 SHEENA
Mitch, come back!

EXT. METADATA OFFICE BUILDING – AFTERNOON

Mitch looks up at his old workplace.

MITCH
This is where it all went wrong.

Mitch uses his old swipe card and enters the MetaData Office Building.

INT. METADATA BOARDROOM – AFTERNOON

Mitch bursts into the boardroom. The CEO and the board of directors are taken off guard. Mitch
stands up in the middle of the table.

MITCH
My name is Mitch Hogan and you fired me!

DIRECTOR
(Whispers to Director 2)
Oh shit disgruntled worker. Let’s get out of here.

Director 1 and 2 crawl under the table and disappear.

MITCH
I haven’t been at the MetaData Corporation for a long time, but you fired me. Not ‘cause I was
doing a bad job! Not because I was an asshole! You fired my simply because you wanted to
tighten your belts and save a little money!

CEO
Who the hell are you?

MITCH
(To CEO)
Shut up!
(To Boardroom)
And there’s nothing wrong with that…that is, trying to save a little money. But you know what
bothers me? The layer of bureaucracy! There are so many managers managing so few people
that all your money goes out the door! And then you wonder where it went and to get it back you
penalize the little guys, like me. That really irritates me.

CEO
Please calm down.

MITCH
Why don’t you’re pipe down? You’re the one who’s responsible for this! It’s people like you who
are ruining America! And to a lesser extent -- Canada! Well we’ve had it! We are not going to take
it! You guys make millions of dollars a year, yet you can’t even leave the shit that’s at the bottom
of the barrel for guys like me! No! You have to scrape the bottom of the barrel! Well stop scraping!

CEO
Would somebody please call security?

MITCH

81
 I don’t think so!

Mitch rips open his shirt and reveals a bomb. The boardroom is taken aback.

MITCH
See that’s the problem with you guys, you don’t listen! Unless somebody has your balls in a vice
you won’t listen! Why is that?!

DIRECTOR 3
You think it’s easy doing this job? With shareholders screaming at you left and right? We have
duties to these people to make as much money as possible! Do you not comprehend the
responsibility we have? The pressures? The long hours? The time you’re away from you’re
family? We’re humans too!

MITCH
I agree. But I don’t think you have to sacrifice benevolence for profits. There’s a balance.

DIRECTOR 4
The guy’s right! The crazy guy’s right! Do you know how much money I made last week in
backdating stock options?

DIRECTOR 3
Shut up Bill!

MITCH
Oh I get it now. You weren’t being genuine. You weren’t being sincere. You were just trying to trick
me.

DIRECTOR 3
Don’t listen to him; he’s a big fucking liar.

MITCH
I think he’s the most truthful guy in the room. You shouldn’t be angry at him for being honest. In
fact he’s probably one of the most honest guys I’ve ever met.

DIRECTOR 3
He’s a sack a shit I tell you what.

MITCH
He is not a sack of shit! He’s just telling it like it is…you know you guys would get a lot further in
life if you were just more honest with yourselves.

DIRECTOR 3
I’m pretty honest.

MITCH
Again with dishonesty! We all know you’re a lying scum bag!

CEO
Look you jerk off! You think you can boss us around because you have a bomb strapped to your
chest?

MITCH
I think so.

CEO

82
 Well asshole I don’t think you have the guts to do it!

MITCH
What makes you say that?

CEO
Because you’re gonna die too. And you’re too big of a pussy to kill yourself.

MITCH
I’m not afraid dying.

CEO
That may be true but I still don’t think you have the guts.

DIRECTOR 3
What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to get us killed?

CEO
I’m not the fucking CEO of this company because I don’t know what I’m doing. So shut the fuck
up. As I was saying…

MITCH
Go on…

CEO
Another reason why you won’t kill yourself is because you don’t know where you’re going. And
the unknown can be quiet daunting? Maybe you’ll go to hell, maybe you won’t. Who knows!

MITCH
I’m not worried about going to hell, because I think this is hell. Do you think in heaven they’d allow
a madman like my self to hold a room hostage for fear of being blown to bits and pieces?

CEO
You don’t like the Amish very much do you?

MITCH
Fuck the Amish! And fuck the Mormons! You know what fuck the Christians too, and fuck the
Jews, and fuck the Muslims; fuck it all. Religion is a fucking crock. When we die all we do is go
into the ground and fucking rot.

CEO
You don’t have to swear so much, I get your point. You’re an atheist…a heartless atheist. And
that’s why you’re so fucking nuts!

MITCH
So a pedophilic priest is less nuts than me…because he’s religious? Well fuck that!

Mitch pushes a button on his chest; the screen goes black.

INT. PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL, MITCH’S MURKY ROOM – NIGHT

Mitch is strapped to a bed, isolated in a murky room, in a psychiatric hospital. He cries out for
help.

MITCH
Help! Somebody help! I’m can’t get free!

83
A nurse enters the room.

NURSE
Mitch you have to stay in here until you’re better. How many times do I have to tell you that?

MITCH
Let me go! You can’t do this to me! I’m a hero!

NURSE
Again with the airplane Mitch?

MITCH
But I did rescue those people! I saved their lives!

NURSE
You need to take your medication.

MITCH
No don’t give me anymore! I will not take your poison! I’m not insane!

NURSE
I’m not calling you insane Mitch.

MITCH
You are an evil manipulative bitch! You love torturing me so much, why don’t you just kill me!?

NURSE
Death does not give a weekly paycheck.

MITCH
Is that supposed to be funny?!
(Insane Laughter)
Yeah real funny!

NURSE
I just came here to check in on you and see if anything has changed. But nothing has changed.

MITCH
Plenty has changed!

NURSE
Oh?

MITCH
Yeah! I’m totally sane! Completely normal! All that stuff I told you about was just a joke. I was
pullin’ your leg!

NURSE
Are you lying?

MITCH
Me lie? Never! I’m as honest Abe Lincoln.

NURSE
I do like Abe Lincoln, but you’re not him.

84
 MITCH
Of course not! I just told you a minute ago -- I’m sane! I would never think such a silly thing.
‘Cause you know what, I’m sane! Do you know what sane means?

NURSE
I know what means, but you are not it.

MITCH
I’m completely normal nurse you have to believe me.

NURSE
You’ve always lied to us in the past. Why should we believe you now?

MITCH
I’m a kidder. That’s my personality. I kid! I kid! Do you mean to say you never lie or tell jokes?

NURSE
Well…

MITCH
Yah see I’m fine. So if you would just release me…

NURSE
No I can’t. I mean if I wanted to…I just don’t have the authority.

MITCH
You have the authority. It’s – well right now I would point to my head, but as you can see I’m all
tied up.

NURSE
You’re a very intelligent man Michael but that still doesn’t make you sane…or safe to the general
public.

MITCH
You have it all backwards. I’m a very stupid man and I’m quite safe to the general public.

NURSE
I like you Michael, but I still can’t let you go.

MITCH
My name’s Mitch not Michael.

NURSE
You keep saying that over and over! Your name is Michael. You are not Mitch Hogan. When will
you accept that?

MITCH
My name is Mitch Hogan! I am not this Michael character! Who the fuck is Michael?!

NURSE
Michael Henry -- your name is Michael Henry.

MITCH
You dumb bitch! My name is not Michael Henry!

85
 NURSE
Sure it isn’t Mr. Henry.

MITCH
Why don’t you fuck off?

NURSE
I told you not to use that type of language.

MITCH
It’s just fucking language lady. It’s not like I’m hurting you, physically.

NURSE
Sticks and stones may break my bones but w –

MITCH
Ah ha so you see!

NURSE
Yeah, yeah.

MITCH
Why the hell are you here anyways?

NURSE
I work here.

MITCH
No I mean why are you here in the room torturing me?

NURSE
You’re rude I’m leaving.

The nurse leaves.

MITCH
You’re rude! You’re rude!

Mitch struggles to get himself free.

CUT TO:

INT/EXT. PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL – NIGHT

We follow a mysterious looking darkly dressed man wearing a long trench coat and a fedora
around the psychiatric hospital. He stealthily makes his way up to Mitch’s room.

INT. PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL, MITCH’S ROOM – NIGHT

The Mysterious Man enters Mitch’s room.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Mitch Hogan?

MITCH
Finally! Somebody actually knows my fucking name!

86
 MYSTERIOUS MAN
Mitch we’ve been watching you for a long time.

MITCH
Of course you’ve been watching me! I’ve been here since fucking forever!

MYSTERIOUS MAN
I do not work here.

MITCH
Is there are a point to this conversation?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Do you know why you’re in here Mitch?

MITCH
Because they think I’m insane?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
No Mitch you’re in here because of the government.

MITCH
I already know this is a government funded institute.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
That’s not the government I’m talking about.

MITCH
What are you talking about?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
There is another government -- the true government.

MITCH
The true government?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
The true government has power that extends beyond the United States and its people. The true
government is the true controlling entity that controls our lives.

MITCH
They don’t control me.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Oh no then why are you in here?

MITCH
It was a mix up, they mixed me up. And as soon as I find my wallet I will correct them.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
I have your wallet Mitch.

The Mysterious Man shows Mitch his wallet with his driver’s license in the clear plastic window.
The name says “Michael Henry.”

87
 MITCH
I’m not Michael Henry.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Exactly -- All your past has been erased and the true government has taken over your life.

MITCH
Nobody has taken over my life. I still have my wife and kid. As soon as Sheena find out I’m here
she’ll come and get me.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Your family has moved on Mitch. Sheena and your son Tom think you’re dead. They have
forgotten about you.

MITCH
My son is only a year old. I doubt he could forget what he didn’t remember.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Your son is 7 years old Mitch. You’ve been in here for six years.

MITCH
You’re a liar!

The Mysterious Man shows Mitch his obituary.

MITCH
What the hell is this? Is this some kind of joke?!

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Absolutely not.

MITCH
Why are you trying to fuck with my mind? I’m having a hard enough time as it is.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
It is not I, who is fucking with your mind, it is the true government.

MITCH
I’m tired of hearing about the true government. If they’re so real what reason would they have to
keep me here in the first place?!

MYSTERIOUS MAN
You have an extraordinary ability Mitch. You are the only person in the world who can access
information without prior knowledge.

MITCH
What are you talking about?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Precognition, Mitch. Extra sensory perception. Clairvoyance. That is what you have.

MITCH
I’m not a fucking psychic.
MYSTERIOUS MAN

88
 Oh but you are. The true government has been feeding you pills to suppress your abilities. First
they said you were autistic, now they are keeping you in the hospital under another identity, giving
you suppression injections.

MITCH
That can’t be? It doesn’t make any sense!

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Those misadventures you had before were a direct result coming of off your pills. Your mind was
hit with numerous – and sometimes confusing – subconscious messages. So you acted, not
knowing what to do, and tried to rectify the situations. And because of this the true government
knew it was not safe anymore and that it had to lock you away.

MITCH
Those were just coincidence. Plus I was only off my pills for a couple of hours.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
That is why you are such a threat to the true government. Your mind so powerful -- any one of
those pills would put a normal person into a coma, but not you. You are special.

MITCH
I am not special.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
You know I’m right. The true government does not want you to find out about its secrets.

MITCH
Why don’t they just kill me then huh?! Why not just cut my fucking head off?!

MYSTERIOUS MAN
The true government is still interested in your abilities. They do not want to kill you until they can
replicate your special power.

MITCH
So that’s why they gave me all those CAT scans?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Exactly -- they’re studying you. And we can’t let them do that. If they find out how to replicate your
ability we’re in deep doo-doo.

MITCH
Who is this we?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
We are the Psychic Society.

MITCH
And you’re psychic?

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Psychokinesis. I can move objects with my mind.

MITCH
Oh really? Why don’t you show me your ability?

89
 MYSTERIOUS MAN
I’m doing it right now.

MITCH
I don’t see anything.

MYSTERIOUS MAN
I’m paraplegic; I’m using my abilities to hold up my body.

MITCH
So am I! Hey look at me!
(Flails)
I’m psychokinetic!

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Don’t mock me.

The Mysterious Man puts his hand out and all of a sudden Mitch’s bed straps become untied.
Mitch sits up.

MITCH
What the --

MYSTERIOUS MAN
Come on there’s no time for potty mouth.

Mitch gets out of the bed. He and the Mysterious Man leave the room. We continue to stay in the
room and hear a variety of noises happening outside.

SOME GUY (OS)

Hey what’re you --
No! No! Nooooooooo!

We hear a loud crashing noise; glass breaking. Then we hear marching foot steps and more
crashing noises; glass and other various things breaking.

FADE OUT:

TO BE CONTINUED…

90