Fighting for peace is like fucking for 4395

virginity. 5894
1499

If sex is a pain
in the ass,
22 then you're 3716
5738
doing it 2022
wrong...

To steal ideas
from one
person is
23 plagiarism. To 3703
4522
steal from 819
many is
research.

If God is
watching us,
24 the least we 3499
4676
can do is be 1177
entertaining.

If 4 out of 5
people
SUFFER from
25 diarrhea... 3475
4830
does that 1355
mean that one
enjoys it?

If you think
nobody cares
if you're alive, 3404
26 try missing a 4444

couple of 1040

payments.
27 Better to
3403
remain silent 4296
and be 893

thought a fool,
 than to speak
and remove all
doubt.

How is it one
careless
match can
start a forest 3329
28 fire, but it 4190

takes a whole 861

box to start a
campfire?

A bus station
is where a bus
stops. A train
station is 3314
29 where a train 4795

stops. On my 1481

desk, I have a
work station..

Some people
are like
Slinkies ... not
really good for
anything, but 3178
30 you can't help 4283

smiling when 1105

you see one

tumble down
the stairs.
31 Did you know
3071
that dolphins 4097
are so smart 1026

that within a
few weeks of
captivity, they
can train
people to
stand on the
 very edge of
the pool and
throw them
fish?

A bank is a
place that will
lend you
32 money, if you 3021
3891
can prove that 870
you don't need
it.

I thought I
wanted a
career, turns 2992
33 out I just 4066

wanted 1074

paychecks.

Never, under
any
circumstances,
take a 2958
34 sleeping pill 4080

and a laxative 1122

on the same
night.

Whenever I fill
out an
application, in
the part that
says "If an
35 emergency, 2938
3709
notify:" I put 771
"DOCTOR".
What's my
mother going
to do?
 I didn't fight
my way to the
36 top of the food 2866
4184
chain to be a 1318
vegetarian

A computer
once beat me
at chess, but 2842
37 it was no 4035

match for me 1193

at kick boxing.

I didn't say it
was your
38 fault, I said I 2768
3537
was blaming 769
you.

I saw a
woman
wearing a
sweat shirt 2710
39 with "Guess" 4100

on it...so I 1390

said
"Implants?"

The shinbone
is a device for
40 finding
furniture in a
dark room.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You 2327

only need a parachute to skydive twice. 3151
824

51 The voices
2302
in my head 3177
may not 875

be real,
but they
 have some
good
ideas!

A clear
conscience
is usually 2299
52 the sign of 3028

a bad 729

memory.

The main
reason
Santa is so
jolly is
53 because he 2299
3365
knows 1066
where all
the bad
girls live.

Laugh at
your
54 problems, 2204
3035
everybody 831
else does.

Never get
into fights
with ugly
55 people, 2183
3014
they have 831
nothing to
lose.

It's not the

fall that
kills you;
56 it's the 2170
2936
sudden 766
stop at the
end.
 Artificial
intelligence
is no 2164
57 match for 2835

natural 671

stupidity.

Always
borrow
money
from a 2142
58 pessimist. 2794

He won't 652

expect it
back.

He who
smiles in a
crisis has 2044
59 found 2727

someone 683

to blame.

A diplomat
is someone
who can
tell you to
go to hell
60 in such a
way that
you will
look
forward to
the trip.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. 1702

2488
786

82 You're
1691
never too 2360
old to learn 669
 something
stupid.

When
tempted to
fight fire
with fire,
remember 1673
83 that the 2507

Fire 834

Department
usually uses
water.

You are
such a good
friend that
if we were
on a sinking
ship
together
84 and there 1652
2461
was only 809
one life
jacket... I'd
miss you
heaps and
think of you
often.
85 I got in a
1604
fight one 2942
time with a 1338

really big
guy, and he
said, "I'm
going to
mop the
floor with
your face."
I said,
 "You'll be
sorry." He
said, "Oh,
yeah?
Why?" I
said, "Well,
you won't
be able to
get into the
corners
very well."

Knowledge
is power,
and power
86 corrupts. 1587
2516
So study 929
hard and be
evil.

Does this
rag smell
87 like 1517
1982
chloroform 465
to you?

With
sufficient 1506
88 thrust, pigs 2388

fly just fine. 882

To be sure
of hitting
the target,
shoot first 1504
89 and call 2288

whatever 784

you hit the

target.
90 A bargain is
1414
something 2038
 you don't
need at a
624
price you
can't resist.

Some
people hear
voices..
Some see
invisible 1413
91 people.. 2261

Others have 848

no
imagination
whatsoever.

A TV can
insult your
intelligence,
92 but nothing 1405
2138
rubs it in 733
like a
computer.

If winning
isn't
everything 1404
93 why do 2175

they keep 771

score?

Virginity is
like a
soapbubble, 1398
94 one prick 2519

and it is 1121

gone.
95 If at first
1391
you don't 2296
succeed, 905

skydiving is
 not for you!

A bus is a
vehicle that
runs twice
as fast
96 when you 1379
2151
are after it 772
as when
you are in
it.

Hallmark
Card: "I'm
so
miserable
97 without 1375
2208
you, it's 833
almost like
you're still
here."

Whoever
coined the
phrase
"Quiet as a 1345
98 mouse" has 2364

never 1019

stepped on
one.

If you are
supposed to
learn from
your
mistakes, 1344
99 why do 2605

some 1261

people have
more than
one child.
 Nostalgia
100 isn't what it
used to be.