ALL CLASSIC BLONDE JOKES

All
Classic
Blonde
Jokes

Collected by Hank P. Fox

 All Classic Blonde Jokes
ISBN 1 4536 9139 1

www.blondejokesbook.com

This selection, introduction, chapter introductions and

other original material
Copyright © Hank P. Fox 2010

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under

copyright reserved above, no part of this publication
may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a
retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any
means (electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording
or otherwise), without the prior written permission of
the copyright holder.

Cover design by adb

 Contents
Introduction ................................................................ 1
Blondes Have More Fun ............................................. 4
Traveling Blondes ......................................................14
On the Bus .................................................................26
It’s a Kind of Magic ...................................................30
Thanks God I’m Blonde .............................................34
Cars and Girls ............................................................40
Criminal Blonde ........................................................52
Shop Till You Drop ...................................................60
Blondes At Work .......................................................68
On the Phone .............................................................80
Dirty Blonde ..............................................................86
On the Computer......................................................100
Lethally Blonde .......................................................104
To the Doctor...........................................................114
School and Science ..................................................120
At the Bar ................................................................128
Animal Farm............................................................132
Sporty Blondes ........................................................142
Yummy Blondes ......................................................146
Gentlemen Prefer Blonde .........................................152
One Liners ...............................................................162
How Blonde Was She? .................................162
Thin Air .......................................................164
M&M ...........................................................166
Light Bulb ....................................................167
The Smart Blonde ........................................169
Clothes .........................................................169
At Home ......................................................170
Keeping Up Appearances .............................171
Half a Brain ..................................................171
Cool Blonde .................................................172
Mirror Mirror on the Wall ............................173
Birth Control ................................................173
 Take it Slow ................................................. 174
And also… ................................................... 174
Stop Blonde Jokes ................................................... 178
Revenge of the Blondes ........................................... 184
Brunettes ...................................................... 185
Redheads...................................................... 186
Real Blondes Talking .............................................. 190
 Introduction
Jokes come and go, and so do topics for jokes. During
the years we’ve had laughs about varying topics that we
hardly even remember. Who remembers the Ethiopian
jokes from the eighties? Or the jokes about various
disasters as they passed by?
But there is something strange going on with blonde
jokes. They have been around for such a long time
already, and they seem to be the exception: They stay
with us.
What is it that makes the blonde jokes so popular?
Maybe it is that a lot of them are not really about
blondes, but apply to many people in general. To
people that we know, or maybe to ourselves.

My wife, who is also blonde at times, and who helped

me with this book, is of Russian origin. That’s why I
speak a few words of Russian. My favorite Russian
word is, without any doubt, "blondinka", which they
use for a blonde girl. It’s such a funny word! So if you
have a blonde wife, girlfriend, best friend, daughter or
mother, or any other blonde friend or acquaintance, you
now have a new way of addressing her.

Talking about language, a note about spelling is also in

place here. In correct English, the adjective "blond" is
male, while "blonde" is female. The same goes for
"brunet" and "brunette". They are pronounced the same,
but written different. However, in this book, I followed
the usual convention when telling jokes, and used
"blonde" and "brunette" everywhere, in male as well as
female meanings. Less correct, but more familiar.

1
This book is in no way meant to be offensive. It doesn’t
express an opinion about blondes or any other group.
The book is simply intended to give you a laugh. I had
lots of fun putting it together, and I hope you will enjoy
it just as much.

Happy laughing!

Hank P. Fox

2
This part of the book is not included
in the sample chapter.

Buy the complete book at:

http://www.blondejokesbook.com
 Traveling Blondes

In this chapter, we see how Blondes like to travel by

airplane and other means of transportation. During their
trip they tend to do unexpected things. Or expected, if you
like.
 Traveling Blondes
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde
stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-
over in another city, so upon their arrival, the
captain showed the stewardess the best place for
airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the
crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new
stewardess was missing. He knew which room
she was in at the hotel and called her up
wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, sobbing, and said
she couldn’t get out of her room.
“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain
asked, “Why not?”
The stewardess replied, “There are only three
doors in here,” she cried, “one is the bathroom,
one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that
says, 'DO NOT DISTURB!'”

* * *

Two blondes were on holiday in Navajo country

and they drove through a small township called
'Chihanchako'.
The one blonde turned to the other and said,
“Gee how do ya pronounce that?”

14
 The other one shrugged and said, “Maybe we
can ask when we stop for lunch.”
So in the small township they stopped and
walked into a fast food place where the first
blonde said, “Excuse me but how do ya
pronounce this place we’re in?”
The blonde girl behind the counter looked
them both up and down, rolled her eyes, and said
slowly “B-U-R-G-E-R- K-I-N-G”.

* * *

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a

blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to
the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and
asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde
passenger that she paid for Economy and that
she will have to go and sit in the back.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m
beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m
staying right here!”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and
tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some
blonde sitting in First Class that belongs in
Economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries
to explain that because she only paid for
Economy she is only entitled to an economy

15
place and she will have to leave and return to her
original seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m
beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m
staying right here!”
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it
was no use and that he probably should have the
police waiting when they land to arrest this
blonde woman that won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll
handle this, I’m married to a blonde, and I speak
blonde!”
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her
ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry - I had no idea,”
gets up and moves back to her seat in the
economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed
and ask him what he said to make her move
without any fuss.
The Pilot replies, “I told her First Class isn’t
going to Melbourne.”

* * *

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a

sign in the window, 'Cruise Special -- $99.' She
goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and
says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.”
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back
room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags
16
her out the back door and downhill to the Bow
River, where he pushes her in and sends her
floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes
later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on
the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She,
too, is tied to an inner tube and sent floating
down the river.
Drifting into stronger current, she eventually
catches up with the first blonde. They float side-
by-side for a while before the first blonde asks,
“Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?”
The second blonde replies, “They didn’t last
year.”

* * *

There were 3 ladies on an island: a blonde, a

brunette and a redhead. The city where they
wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between
the island and the city.
The redhead swam 4 miles and drowned of
exhaustion.
The brunette swam 10 miles and drowned of
exhaustion.
The blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and
swam back.

* * *

17
There’s a blonde, a brunette and a redhead
traveling through the desert when their car
suddenly stalls. They all get out of the car and,
upon realizing that it’s not going to start, they
each take one thing from the car. The brunette
takes a bottle of water, the redhead takes a bag of
food with her, and the blonde takes the car door.
They begin to walk through the desert, and
soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and
the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why
she brought the food. She replies, “Well, in case I
get hungry I’ll have something to eat.”
They all think this is pretty reasonable and
then the redhead and the blonde turn to the
brunette and ask her why she decided to bring
water. The brunette replies, “Well, in case I got
thirsty I’ll have something to drink.” They all
decide that’s a good idea, too.
Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to
the blonde and ask her why on earth she would
take the car door. She replies, “Well, I thought if
I got hot I could roll down the window.”

* * *

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of

Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator
shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

18
 After becoming very frustrated with the 'no
haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the
blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch
my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a
reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my
guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a
big one!”
Determined, the blonde turned and headed
for the swamps, set on catching herself an
alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was
driving home, when he spotted the young woman
standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in
hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator
swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills
the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls
it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were
several more of the dead creatures. The
shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on
its back, and frustrated, shouted out, “Dang it,
this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

* * *

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City

to Toronto, the captain announced, “Ladies and
gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is
nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an

19
hour longer than scheduled, but we still have
three engines left.”
Thirty minutes later the captain announced,
“One more engine has failed and the flight will
take an additional two hours. But don’t worry…
we can fly just fine on two engines.”
An hour later the captain announced, “One
more engine has failed and our arrival will be
delayed another three hours. But don’t worry…
we still have one engine left.”
A young blonde passenger turned to the man
in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one
more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

* * *

Once there were 3 people in an airplane. The first

one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it
was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane.
The second person took a bite out of a lemon
and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it
out of the plane.
Then the last person took a bite out of a
grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he
threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and
decided to go for a walk.
They first passed a little girl who was crying
and they asked, “Little girl, little girl, why are you
crying?”

20
 And the little girl said, “An apple came down
and killed my new kitty.”
Next they passed a little boy who was also
crying. And they again asked, “Little boy, little
boy, why are you crying?”
And the little boy said, “A lemon came down
and killed my new puppy.”
Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side
walk laughing her butt off. They asked, “Why are
you laughing so hard?”
And the blonde said, “I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!”

* * *

Two blondes and a brunette are trapped on an

island. The first blonde swims from the island to
the mainland. The second blonde builds a boat
from palm trees and rows to the mainland. The
brunette, however, uses the bridge.

* * *

A blonde was driving down the highway to

Disneyland when she saw a sign that said:
DISNEYLAND LEFT
After thinking for a minute, she said to
herself, “Oh well !” and turned around an drove
home.

21
 On her way home the same blonde drove past
another sign that said:
CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES
By the time she drove eight miles, she had
cleaned 43 restrooms.

* * *

There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to

a river and sees another blonde on the opposite
bank.
“Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the
other side?”
The second blonde looks up the river then
down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on
the other side.”

* * *

Q If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an

airplane, who would land first?
A The brunette. The blonde would have to stop
and ask for directions.

Q Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on

the plane?
A She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t
want it blown around too much.

22
Q How do you steal the window seat of a blonde
going to Paris?
A Tell her the seats that are going to Paris are all
in the middle row.

23
This part of the book is not included
in the sample chapter.

Buy the complete book at:

http://www.blondejokesbook.com
 Real Blondes Talking

This is the favorite part of many readers. In this chapter,

we let celebrity blondes do the talking. This is the real
thing. Will their quotes confirm our ideas about them?
 Real Blondes Talking
Alicia Douvall:
On motherhood: “I think a 16-year-old with a
nice, sexy figure will do really well as a model as long as
she’s managed well. That’s why I’m happy for Georgia to
have a boob job because it will give her a career.”
On plastic surgery: “I know it will kill me. But
I’d rather die trying to sort things out.”

Alicia Silverstone:
On her role in Clueless: “I think that the film
was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was
very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep
place if it’s true lightness.”

Ann Widdecombe:
On being blonde: “People talk to me more slowly
now.”

Anna Kournikova:
“I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous. I could have
any man in the world.”

Anna Nicole Smith:

“I don’t have a boyfriend right now. I’m looking for
anyone with a job that I don’t have to support.”
On suicide bombers: “Doesn’t that hurt?”

190
This part of the book is not included
in the sample chapter.

Buy the complete book at:

http://www.blondejokesbook.com