The Gamers Quarter 8

Q1 2007
The Punch Line
Table of Contents
4 On the Grand Masters Stage StriderARC 6 Goading n Gouging GhoulsnGoblinsseries 34 Persona Visits the Wii Line AnIllustratedCampoutfortheWii 42 Christmas Morning at the Leukemia Ward TokyoGameShow2006 50 A Retrospective Survival Guide to Tokyo Game Show WithExtra-SpecialBlueDragon Preview 54 Youve Won a Prize! Deplayability 56 Knee-Deep in Legend DoomPC 58 Killing Dad and Getting it Right ShadowHeartsPS2 60 The Sound of Horns and Motors Falloutseries 64 The Punch Line RuleofRose-PS2 68 Untold Tales of the Arcade KillingDragonsHasNever BeenSoMuchFun! 76 Why Game? Reason#7:WhyNot!? 12 That Spiky-Haired Lawyer is All Talk PhoenixWright:AceAttorneyNDS 14 Shinji Mikami and the Lost Art of Game Design ResidentEvil-PS1;P.N.03,Resident Evil4-NGC;GodHand-PS2 18 Secrets and Save Points SecretofManaSNES 22 Giving Up the Ghost MetroidII:ReturnofSamusNGB 25 I Came Wearing a Full Suit of Armour But I Left Wearing Only My Pants Comic 26 Militia II is Machinima MilitiaIIAVI 30 Mega Microcosms Wariowareseries
Table Of Contents
From the Editors Desk

Keep On Keeping On By Matthew Williamson Itsbeenalittlewhilesinceourlast issuecameout;Ihopeyouenjoyedthe anticipation.Timeissomethingstrange, though.Hasitreallybeenovertwo yearsnow?Itgoessofast. Inthepasttwentyninemonths,I haveattemptedmanythingswiththis magazineandhavealwaysaimedat givingthereaderthehighestquality product.Indoingthis,Isacrificedmuch ofmyfreetimetimewithmywife, timewithmypets,timewithmyfamily, andeventimewithmygames.Idont regretasecondofit.Allthefights,all thesleeplessnights(andmornings), evenallthemicrowavedcoffee. Butitsalmosttimetomoveon.The magazinewillcontinue,butIpersonally amatapointinmylifewhereIhave lessandlesstimetodedicatetoit.And soon,Imgoingtobemakingalarge changeinmylife:Imgoingbackto school. Unfortunately,thecriticismofgames hasntreallyprogressedmuchsince issueone,eventhoughtheranksof thosecriticalofgameshavegrown. So,IllbestudyingFilmandEnglishinstead.Hopefully,intime,Icanreturnto thegamescenemorefullyandhelpexpandtheperceptionofgamesfurther. Asatrustedfriendsaidtome,Aslong asyoukeepwritingandcreating,thats allIcareabout.AndthatswhatIlldo, andwhatIllhelpotherstodoaswell. ButdontworryaboutThe Gamers Quarter;wehavebigplans.Wewillbe shiftingfromastrictquarterlyscheduletosomethingmorefree-form,still aimingtopublishfourissuesayear. Weareworkingtodevelopourwebsite, andsoonwehopetoseesomeofour earlierarticlesfinallyinprint. Themagazinehasbeenagigantic undertaking,andtherehavebeenmany peopleatmysideforthesepastyears whoIwouldliketothank.Notjustthe spectacularwritersandeditors,but theirfamilyandfriendswhoIknow havebeenputtothesideonceortwice forthesakeofTGQ.Yoursacrifice meansmoretomeandthismagazine thanyoumayeverknow. Iwouldalsoliketothankthereaders. Manyofyou,fromallovertheworld, havebeenwithussinceourfirstissue. Thesupportyouhaveshown,inyour mailandonourforums,isoutstanding. Itmeansalot,notonlytomebutto therestoftheGamers Quarterteam. Withoutyouwewouldntbewherewe arenow. Keepreading,andwellkeepwriting andcreating.
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The Gamers Quarter Issue #8
Staff
On the Grand Masters Stage

StriderARC (C6, NES, SMS, GEN, T16, PS1) By Ancil Anthropy
Art By Chris Harback
CapcomsStrideropenswithafigure sailingonarobotichang-gliderthrough anightlitbysearchlights.Alatticeof citylightstwinklesinthedistance;in theforeground,gold,onion-domed towersloom,theirnarrowwindows glowingred.KazakhstanCCP,reads astylizedCyrillicsubtitle,2048.The figuredismountsontoarooftop,and theglidercontinuesintothenight alone. Strideristheater. Agreatdealofdetailandcare hasbeenpaidtoeveryelementof thegame.Thecharactersaweary Russianminister,atroupeoftriplet acrobats,abattleshipcaptainwho dressesinnearpirateregalia(asifto addromancetohisroleaslittlemore thanalapdogforaninvaderfromthe stars)havedetailetchedintotheir sprites.Inthebetween-stagedialogue, eachspeakshisorherownlanguage Russian,Japanese,English.Their threatsofTheMastersstrengthcarry analmostpleadingtone,onewhich hintsatexperience.Youcantgoup againstTheMaster.Hestoostrong.He controlseverything. Themusicisalsostrong,settinga moodbothproudandwary;itisby turnsheroicandbrash,darkandbrooding.Thereisachimingfuturismwhich
faltersandisconsumedbyfear.ACold Wartonepervades,remindingusthat thisisa1989gamesetinRussia.When StriderHiryu,instage2,climbsoutof abooby-trappedwarehouseintothe brightlightofaSiberianmountainside, avictoriousfanfareringsbutisalmost immediatelyswallowedbydoubtas amechanizedbountyhunterswoops downfromthesky. Thestagescontainjustasmuch detail.Thefirststage,Kazakhstana once-proudSovietrepublicthathas sincebecomelittlemorethantheseat fromwhichGrandMasterMeioruleshis empirecontainstherecurringimage ofaredstarmissingoneofitspoints. TheyareemblazonedontheRomancolumnedStatebuildingsthatHiryu passesinhisbattleswithgreen-uniformedRussiansoldierswho,through thecourseofthestage,areincreasingly replacedbymechanicalautomatons.At thestagesend,HiryuconfrontsthePolitburothathasfaileditspeople,retainingpoweronlyasadeadhuskinthe pocketofanextraterrestrialconqueror. ItsapparatchiksattackHiryuwitha wearyresignation. Thesethingsgivethegameasense ofdepthandafeelingofhistorybut theyreincidental,apaintedbackdrop. Aplayrequiresaplayer,andthedrama iswhatunfoldsuponthestages.The narrative,asopposedtothestory,is thatwhichtheplayerherselfenacts. Thosestagesbristlewithlife.After
thatrobotgliderwingsitswaybackinto thenight,Hiryuconfrontsadoped-up Russianstrongman,battlesaswarm ofmosquito-likerobotsontheroofof thecapital,dodgesreflectinglasers inatinyoniondome,andfightsan enormoushammer-and-sickle-wieldingcentipede.Inlaterstageshellleap betweenhelicopters,dodgebombs fromabove,battlethemechanicalheart ofanairshipinzerogravity,andride dinosaursalongthefloorofanAmazonianjungle. Thediscourseofgamedesignborrowsyetanothertermfromthetheater todescribetheseexquisitelychoreographeddramaticmoments:setpieces. Striderhasmanysuchmomentsand stringsthemtogethersoseamlessly thattheydonotfeelstagedatall.At onepoint,Hiryufightsaroboticgorilla, whichexplodeswhendefeated,setting firetothefloor,forcingHiryutoclimb upaventintheceilingleadingtoa mountaintop,wherethemechanized bountyhunterSolowaits.Athisdeath, Solodetonatesaseriesofexplosives onthemountainside,forcingHiryuto sprintdowntheslopeandleaptothe nextpeak,wherehefindsatowering electricalgridtoexplore. Thefires,theambushes,theexplosionsarethetranslucenthandofthe developersdirectingyou--who,indeed, aremerelyplayingoutapart--tothe nextsceneinthescript.Itisaperformance.Andeachtimeyouplaythe game,youbetterlearnyourpart.Inthe theaterofthegame,itistheaudience whohastheleadrole. Striderisabeautifulplay.Itisrife withtension,passion,dangeranddrama.Anditisallthemorerealbecauseit doesnottakeplaceinacutscenemovie,aparagraphofscripteddialogue,or anyelementliftedfromanon-particapatorymedium.Thedramathatoccurs onStridersstageshastheplayeratthe heartofit.
On the Grand Masters Stage
Goading n Gouging
Ghosts n Goblins, Ghouls n Ghosts, Super Ghouls n Ghosts, Ultimate Ghosts n GoblinsARC, NES, GEN, SNES, PSP (C6, AMI, ZXS, X68, SWN, GBC, GBA, PS1, PS2, SAT, AST, CPC, PC) By Matthew Williamson
Art By Benjamin Rivers
TheGhostsnGoblinsgamesdonot compromise.Theyarestark,boldconstructions,rigidlyfocusedinintentand indesign,andtheydontmessaround. Theydontletyoumessaroundeither; ifyoudo,youwillmakeamistake,and ifyoumakeamistake,youwilldie. Perhapsbecauseofthis,theGhosts nGoblinsseriesdoesnotquitehave theinternationalnamerecognitionof, say,ShigeruMiyamotosSuperMario games:thereisadifferenceinattitude. Miyamotoisveryinterestedinmaking hisgamesaccessibleheisinterested tothepointofmakinghisproductions increasinglycuteandcuddly,holding theplayershandmoreandmore.The GhostsnGoblinsseries,ontheother hand,conceivedbyTokuroFujiwara, hasfundamentallydifferentaims. GhostsnGoblinshasbeenaround forovertwentyyearsandhasclearly achievedatremendouslevelofsuccess initsownright,butitssuccessisprimarilyamongpeoplewhoalreadyplay videogamesandunderstandthem,and whocanappreciatetheGhostsnGoblinsschoolofdiscipline.Normalpeople
havedifficultyplayingthesegames. Theygetfrustrated.Theycurseand throwcontrollersatwalls.Theythink thatGhostsnGoblinshatesthem.But inthis,theyaredeadwrong. ThefirstGhostsnGoblinsgamethat Iplayedwastheversionreleasedfor theNESIhadmanaged,miraculously, togetthelastcopyatToysRUs. Withthatnear-missbehindme,Iwas preparedtorelaxasIturnedthegame onforthefirsttime. Ghosts n GoblinstellsthetaleofSir Arthur.Theloveofhislife,theprincess Prin-Prin,wasstolenfromhimwhile theywerehavingapicnic,hewearing nothingbuthisboxers.Arthur,likeabizarrevideogameOrpheus,mustjourney intotheGhoulRealmtosaveher. Thisstoryis,ofcourse,entirelyridiculous.Mostlybecauseoftheboxers atthepicnic.Istillcantgetthatimage outofmymind.Theoverwhelming sillinessofthatscenemademeexpect anequallylight-hearted,insubstantial game,andImetwithquiteasurprise. Ghosts n Goblinsisfrustratingon multiplelevels.Arthursmovements andskillsareextremelylimitedjumps arestiffandfeellikecommitments, becauseonceyouhitthebuttonto jumpyoucantchangedirectionin mid-airatall.ManyofthestrongerenemiesrequiremultiplehitswithArthurs weapon,oftenatrangesthataretoo closetokillthemintime. ArthurrunsthroughtheGhoulRealm
wearingasuitofarmor;ifhegetshit once,thearmorshattersanddisappears,andsuddenlyhesrunning aroundinhisboxersagain.Buttheres nothingfunnyabouttheboxer-clad Arthurtakingablindleapintoanenemy orabottomlesspitandaccidentallydying.Thatshitisjustfrustrating;thoughI supposetheoddnessofthejuxtapositionwascompellingenoughtokeepme playing,eventhoughthegamebrutally crushedmetimeandtimeagain. Thisisbecause,whileGhosts n Goblinsispainful,maybeeven exquisitelyso,afterawhiletheburn beginstofeelkindofgood.Imean,I stillhaventproperlyfinishedtheNES version.TherearetwolevelsthatI cannotgetpastwithoutapassword. Hell,Icantproperlycompleteanyof thegames.Properlycompletinga GhostsnGoblinsgamerequiresyouto notonlyfinishthegameonce,buttogo backthroughtheentirethingagain,ata higherdifficultylevel. Ghouls n Ghosts,thesecondgame intheseries,wasoneIhadneverbeen abletofinishwithoutcheatinguntil veryrecently.Ittookahugeamountof near-masochisticfocusonmypart:the gametrainedme,overandoveragain, inhowitwantedtobeplayed.Every action,everymotion,everytwitchofthe controllerburneditselfintomymuscle memory.WhenIpickeditupagainto writethisarticle,Iwassurprisedathow intimateandfamiliarthegamefeltto metheattackpatternsoftheenemies andthejerkymovementsofArthurhad almostbecomeapartofme. Super Ghouls n Ghostscameout threeyearsafterGhouls n Ghosts, anditwasavailablefortheSuperNES, andtheSuperNESonlyunlikethe firsttwogames,itdidnothavearcade origins,norwasitportedtoanyother homecomputersystems.Atthetime ofSuper Ghouls n Ghostsrelease,I didnothaveaSuperNES,andIhad
towaittoplaythegame.WhenIfinally did,Ihatedit. IfIhadtopinpointwhatIthought waswrongwithitthen,Idsayitwas thatSuper Ghouls n Ghostsintroduced adouble-jump.Eventhoughmany platformgameshavedouble-jumping, andthemechanicfeelsprettyridiculous inmostofthem,itreachesakindof zenithofunforeseenabsurditywiththis game.Thedouble-jumpallowsArthur toadjusthimself,orcorrecthimselfin midair,usingastrangeanimationthat featuresArthurpumpinghislegsand pitchinghimselfslightlymoreinthe directionofyourchoice.Atthetime,I supposedthatthisdouble-jumpwent wellwiththesillyjuxtapositionofthe game,andslowlyitgrewonme. Istillhadotherproblemswiththe game.Forone,itseemedmoredifficult: Icouldntsaywhetheritwasbecause ofthemechanicsortheleveldesign, butCapcomwasclearlyouttofrustrate againafterthemarginallyeasiersecond gameintheseries.Tobehonest,allof thesethingscompoundedtothepoint whereIneverreallygaveSuper Ghosts n Ghoulsafairshot. Idecided,forthisarticle,torevisit it,andIborrowedthenewerGame BoyAdvanceport.Itsafairlysatisfactoryversionofthegame,althoughthe screeniscroppedandthesoundisless crisp.Theportalsohasaninteresting ArrangeMode,whichfeatureslevels fromthefirstandsecondgamethat youcanplaythroughusingArthurs newdoublejump.Unfortunately,tosee mostoftheselevels,youneedtobe very,very,veryskilledatthegame,so theyhaveremainedmostlyoutofmy reach. WhenIfirststartedplayingthisGame BoyAdvanceSuper Ghouls n Ghosts, Ispentoversixtylivesattempting tocompletetheveryfirsthalfofthe introductorylevel.Seriously.Istarted outplayingbymyself,mywifereadGoading n Gouging
inginthesameroom,buteventually webegantotradeoffaftereachsetof lives.Deathafterdeathensued.Iswore vulgarly,andmywifeinsistedthatthe gamewasjuststupid.YetIkeptpickingupthecontrollereachtimeshed hadthreedeaths,andshedidlikewise.Itmademerealizethat,despite everythingthesegameshaveputme through,Istillkeepplayingthem.AndI stillenjoythem. IkeepplayingtheGhostsnGoblins gamesbecausetheygivemeasense ofmastery.EverytimeIfinishalevel,or evenjustasmallersubsection,Iknow itsbecauseIhavelearnedthatlevel; Iknowitinandout;Iamthemaster ofit.Now,Imnotthekindofperson whotriestoalwaysgoforahighscore orwhotriestorecordhimselfmaking asuper-play,andmywifeisntthat greatatgamesthatrequirealotofskill. Butwestillbothkeptplayingthatfirst loopoverandoveragainbecausewe wantedtomasterit.Eventhoughthe oddswereallagainstus,eventhough wekeptdying,thegamekeptspurring uson.Everytimeyoudieandrespawn, thegameshowsyoubothhowfaryou havemadeitandhowfaryouarefrom theendofthemap.Onceasection isover,youfeelasthoughyouhave putitbehindyoubecauseofskill,not becauseyougotlucky.Masteryfeels good. TokuroFujiwara,theGhostsn Goblinsmastermind,statesthatthe gamesrequireexperienceandmaking decisionsontheflywhichwillinevitablyhelpplayersimprovetheirskills overtime.1Thisisexactlywhatevery gameintheseriesrequires,andalso whattheyencourage.Thelevelsare designedtotrainyou,andmanyhave pointsthatareimpossibletoproceed pastwithouthavingdemonstrateda clearunderstandingofsomeimportant gameskill.Inthefirstlevelofthefirst game,youmustmakeaprecisejump
ontoandoffofamovingplatformover apitofinstantdeath.Inlevel1ofthe second,thereisapointwhereyou mustuseyourup-attackonatreeof buzzardsorelsethebirdswillkillyou aswalkpastit.AndSuper Ghouls n Ghostsrequiresprecisedoublejumps toreachthesecondhalfofitsfirst level. Idiedoversixtytimesinthefirstpart ofSuperbecauseIhadntimproved myskillsenough.Iwasnotreadyto goonIwouldnthavebeenableto handlethedifficultythatawaitedme lateron.Insomegames,whenyou die,itisbecauseofsomethingcheap andarbitraryitisthegamesfault. InGhostsnGoblins,whenyoudie,it isbecauseofsomethingyoucouldnt handleitisyourfault. GhostsnGoblinsdoesnothate theplayeratall.Infact,asyouplayit, itgivesyourespectitjustdemands someaswell.NosituationsinGhostsn Goblinsareinsurmountableorimpossible:onceproperlytrained,anyonecan overcomethem.TheGhostsnGoblins gamesare,aboveall,fairandjust.
ThefirstgameintheGhostsnGoblinslineagewasreleasedin1985forthe arcade.Theseriesprogressedthrough theyears,butseemedtostopabruptly withSuper Ghouls n Ghosts,theSuper Nintendoincarnation.Mostconsidered thisthelastgameintheseries,but in2006,theunexpectedhappened: Ultimate Ghosts n Goblins,thefirst newtitleinfifteenyears,wasreleased fortheSonyPSP.WhenUltimatewas announced,mycuriositywaspiqued: whathadhappenedinthoseinterveningfifteenyears?WhathadTokuro Fujiwaradoneinthemeantime? Ifoundthat,havingcreatedGhosts nGoblins,FujiwarawentontocreateMega Man,andwasinfactthe
maincreativeforcebehindthe firsttwoMegaMangames. Afterthat,hetooktheproducersrole throughouttheSuperNintendoera, butfoundtimeawayfromoverseeing MegaMan-relatedprojectstocreate Street Fighter,Breath of Fire,Strider, andResident Evil,whichhaveallbeen enormouslysuccessfulintheirown right.Resident Evil,especially,hasseen multiplesequels,reprints,rereleases, andevenfilms.Whilesometimes Fujiwarawasonlyonaproducer,his influencecouldbefeltalloverthem, fromtheircontrolschemestotheirdifficultylevels. In1996,FujiwaraleftCapcomand createdthecompanyWhoopeeCamp,
which,despiteitsridiculousname,had averyseriousmission:tocreatehighqualitygamesbasedoncreativesense, experience,andclosecalculation.The firstgametocomefromthenewventurewasTomba!,whichFujiwarasays washisbiggestchallenge,butalso hisgreatestpersonalachievement. FujiwarawentontosayofTomba! thatthecharacterandthegameplay havetheabilitytoattractandchallenge gamersofeveryageandskilllevel Nothingsatisfiesmemorethanimagingparentsplayingwiththeirchildren aswellaschallengingthosehardcore gamerswhowanttoexperiencea whimsicalfantasyworldwithextraordi
1 amesHowell,Previews:GhostsnGoblinsPSP,1up.com,August8,2006,http:// J www.1up.com/do/previewPage?cId=3152792
Goading n Gouging
untillateAugustof2005,whenUltimate Ghosts n Goblinswasannounced,that FujiwarareturnedtoCapcom.
narygameplay.Tomba!willcapturethe heartsofeveryone.2 Itdidjustthat.ThefirsttimeIheard aboutTomba!wasfromanex-girlfriend whowasntevenreallyagamer,just someonewholikedgoodentertainment.Yearslater,Iintroducedmythen fiancetothegame,andsheinstantly fellinlovewithit.Inbetween,thegame hadcapturedmyheartaswell. In2000,Tomba! 2cameoutfor thePlaystation.ATomba! 3wasannouncedforthePS2in2001,butshortlythereafter,WhoopeeCampfelloffthe faceoftheearth.In1998,Fujiwarahad beenappointedasexecutiveproducer atthecompanyDeepSpace,ajoint venturebetweenWhoopeeCampand SonyComputerEntertainmentInterna-
tional.DeepSpacemade Hungry Ghostsandlaterlisted WhoopeeCampintheSpecialThanks sectionofthecreditsforExtermination. Thatwasthelastofficialmention ofWhoopeeCamp.Inearly2002, WhoopeeCampandDeepSpacewere combinedintoAccessGames,and theoriginalcompaniesdisappeared. AccessGamesreleasedSpy Fictionin 2003,andthenfellsilent. WherewasFujiwara?Perhapshe wassittingaroundatAccessGames developingasequel,butIcantsay forsure.Mega Man Powered Up,the re-envisionedremakeofMega Man, lackedacreditforhisname.Itwasnt
ExpectationsforUltimate Ghosts n Goblinswerehigh.Afterall,there wererumorsthatthegamewouldhave branchingpaths,andthatArthurwould nowcomebacktoliferightwherehe died.Theinternetwentwildimagining somesortofMetroid-styleexploration game. Itturnedoutthattheserumorswere partlyunfoundedthegamedoesnot featurebranchingpaths,itjustallows youtojumptostartingpointsinthe levels.Youdorespawnatthepointof deathmostly,youjustrespawncloser tothepointofdeath,whichremoves someoftheheadachebutwhichis justasdifficult.ThisisstillGhostsn Goblins. Ultimatesleveldesign,too,is forward-thinking,butstillcompletely suitedtotheGhostsnGhoulsseries.In theoldandtiredgenreof2-Dplatformers,Fujiwaraisamasterofchallenging leveldesign,oneofthefewremaining dinosaursfromtheoldschoolofgame design.Ithinkthatgametrendsare likefashiontrends.Whatpeoplewant changeswiththehardwareandenvironmentineachgeneration,[but]the desireforplaying2Dplatformergames willstillremain.Perhapstherearent asmanygamecreatorswhocanreally pulloffagood2Dgameanymore.3 Thiscouldwellbetrue.Recententries
inolder2-Dplatformerseries,suchas Yoshis Island 2,Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin,Sonic Advance,The Revenge of Shinobi GBA,andevenNew Super Mario Bros.,frequentlyfallshortinlevel designandgameplay.Ultimatenever hasthisproblem. Infact,theonlyrealproblemthe gamehasisitsaudience.Fewretro gamersorfansof2-Dplatformers considerthePlaystationPortabletheir consoleofchoice,eventhoughthose wholookcanfindmanygreatgames, suchasMega Man Powered Up,Exit, andEvery Extend Extra.Asitstands, though,thesegamessellpoorlyand arelargelyunknowntothepeoplewho wouldenjoythembest.Evensome PSPownerswhowouldenjoygames likeGhouls n GhostsandMega Man wouldntbeabletoplaythemanyway, becausetheyhaventupdatedtheir firmwaresotheycancontinueplaying homebrewgamesandemulators.4 Thisallmaypointtoashiftinthe demandsofthegamer.Salesof2-D platformersarelow,andmanypeople whoareinterestedinthempropagate misconceptionsabouttheirshortcomingstoavoidbuyinganewconsole. MaybethisisthereasonthatcompanieslikeWhoopeeCampnolonger exist:theirmarketsseemtowitheror disappearbecausethevideogame businessshifts.However,Fujiwarawas rightinsayingthatsomewhere,inwhateverformandwithwhateverprejudices, therewillalwaysbegamers,likeme, whoappreciateawell-put-together2D platformer.
2 onyComputerEntertainmentofAmerica,Tomba!BringsPinkHairandPigstothePlaystaS tionGameConsole,pressrelease,archivedinInternetArchive,http://web.archive.org/ web/20020608160926/http://www.scea.com/news/press_example.asp?ReleaseID=9499. 3 Howell,Previews. 4 SeeInaSeaofIntellectualProperty,PiratesAriseinTGQ#3
10
Goading n Gouging
11
That Spiky-Haired Lawyer is All Talk

Phoenix Wright: Ace AttorneyNDS By Jeremy Penner
Art By Mariel Cartwright
Themostusefulverbintraditional adventuregames,atleastsinceSierra abandonedthetextparserforaniconbasedsystem,isuse.Useinteracts directlywiththeenvironment:pushing buttons,pickinglocks,buildingcontraptions,fetchingthings. Phoenix Wrightdoesnothavethis verb.Theonlyverbworthanythingin thePhoenixWrightgamesistalk. Therearevariations,ofcourse. Sometimes,youdramaticallyshout, Objection!Sometimes,itsHoldit! Whenyourereallyonaroll,youllsay Takethat!Mostofthetime,youare showingthingstopeople,butsometimesyourepressingpeopleformore informationonwhattheysaid. Tocallthegameaglorifieddialoguetreemightbeoverstatingthings. Theresnotevenanybranchingifa characterhasnewthingstosayina singleconversation,itspresentedasa newtopic.Finishingoneconversation unlocksnewoneswithnewcharacters, movingthestoryforward.Inshort, Phoenix Wrightisanentirelylinear gameinwhichyouneveractuallydo anything. Itsalsotremendouslyinvolving,and amarveloususeofthemedium. Idontneedtomentionthegameplay toexplainwhythegameisinvolving: thewritingisfunny,thecharacters
charming,anditsneverlongbeforea ludicroustwistturnsthecaseupsidedowninawayyouneversawcoming. Butevenwiththegamemechanics assimpleastheyare,thisismisleading.Thecoretrickthatthegameuses toinvolvetheplayeristhis:whenyou havecleargoalsastowhatyouwant toaccomplish,youarepenalized(with ahittoyourlifebar)forgettingthe questionwrong. Thedesignofthesegoalsisacritical componentofwhatmakesthegame work.Themeatofthegametakes placeinsidethecourtroom:theprosecutioncallswitnesses,andyoucrossexaminethem.Theintroductorycase tellsyouwhattodo:presentevidence thatshowsaflawinthewitnessstestimony.(IntheworldofPhoenixWright, yourclientisalwaysinnocentandthe prosecutionswitnessesarealways lying.)Yougointoeachdayincourt withonlyavagueideaofwhatactually transpiredwhenthecrimewascommitted,anditsthroughthisprocess ofcatchingpeopleinliesthatthetruth comesout. Thelessinteractiveevidence-gatheringportionsofthefirstgamearesimilar toatraditionalvisualnovel.Youwander around,clickingthroughconversations untilyouunlockthenextone.Even thoughtheseportionsaretechnically aslinearasthein-courtroomsections, theyfeellessinvolving.Thesequel (Justice for All)eliminatesmuchofthe
aimlesswandering,andintroducesan engaginginterrogationmechanicsimilar tothecourtroomsystem. Whenthegameisatitsbest,every newpieceofevidenceandtestimony fromtheprosecutionforcesyouto subtlyreevaluateyourmentalmodelof whatreallyhappened.Youscrutinize everypieceofwitnesstestimonyand evidenceunderamicroscope,determinedtofindthesubtleflawthatwill bringthecasetoitsknees.Andthe Aha!momentwhenyoufinallytrackit downisextremelysatisfying. Whenthegameisatitsworst,you throwupyourhands,saveyourgame, andstartguessing,reloadingwhenyour lifebargetstoolow.Whenyoufinally findtheevidencethegamewantedyou topresentbysheerdumbluck,you wonderhowyouwereeversupposed tohavecomeupwiththeexplanation comingoutofPhoenixsmouthonyour own. Thegamesstrength,therefore,lies initsabilitytopresenttheplayerwith puzzlesthat,firstly,integrateseam-
lesslyintotheplotofthegame,and, secondly,havesolutionsthatareobviouslycorrectonceyoudiscoverthem. Unlikemanyadventuregames,the PhoenixWrightseriesneverfalterswith theformer.Itsdifficulttoimaginea puzzlethatwouldfailinthatrespect, whenyouronlyrealverbistalk. Unfortunately,thefirstgameismuch betteratthelatterthanJustice for All. (Case4prettymuchredeemstherest ofthegame,butitsdifficulttotalk aboutitwithoutgivingtoomuchaway.) InJustice for All,thecorrectnextmove isfrequentlyunclear;thegamerelies oncryptichintstonudgetheplayerin therightdirection,ratherthansolid evidenceandlogicalcontradiction.Asa result,thegamesuffers. Themorethegameherdsyouinthe directionitwantsyoutogo(through well-designedpuzzles),themoreincontrolyoufeel.ButPhoenix Wright isstrikinginhowskillfullyitusesits minimalgamemechanicstocreate compellinggameplay.Thus,wehave noobjection.
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That Spiky-Haired Lawyer is All Talk
1
Shinji Mikami and the Lost Art of Game Design

Resident EvilPS1; P.N. 03NGC; Resident Evil 4NGC, PS2; God HandPS2 By Jonathan Simpson
Art By Jonathan Kim and Mariel Cartwright
Capcomunderstandsgamedesign betterthananydevelopertoday.Over theyears,ithasproducedastaggering numberofqualitytitles,andmanyavid gamersfeelthatCapcomiscurrentlyin themidstofarenaissanceindesign.It producesexcellentskill-basedgames atatimewhenmanystudiosarecontenttochurnoutsimplisticstoriesdribblingoutasasuccessionofmultimedia scenestorewardaplayersPavlovian responses.CapcomhascreatedbelovedfranchiseslikeMega Man,Street Fighter,Resident Evil,andcountless classicarcadegamesintheearly90s. Anditsrenaissanceofgamedesigncan betracedtothecontributionsofone man,ShinjiMikami. Resident Evil(BiohazardinJapan), releasedin1996,wasadefininggame fortheSonyPlaystationandforthe genreofsurvivalhorror.Resident Evil tookadvantageofthePlaystations increasedstoragetoprovideamore cinematicexperience,withprerendered 2-Dbackgroundsandfull-motion-video sequences.Thiscinematicphilosophy carriedovertothegamemechanicsas well.Mostgameswithathirdperson perspectiveusedeitheradynamic camerasystemorastaticisometric
viewpoint.InResident Evil,thecamera wasplaceddifferentlyineacharea;the playercouldonlyseewhatthedesignerswantedhimtosee.Thedesigners werelikemoviedirectorschoosingthe bestshotforeachscene. Perhapsasaconsequenceofthe camerasystem,thecontrolsystem becamethemostcriticizedcomponent.InResident Evil,youalways moveasthoughyoureplayingfroma first-personperspective,regardlessof theviewpoint.Uponthedirectionpad movesyouforward,andDownmoves youbackward.RightandLeftrotate you,tank-like,clockwiseandcounterclockwise.Thiscanbecounterintuitive, tosaytheleast. Resident Evilspawnednumerous sequelsandoffshoots,someofwhich Mikamiproduced,butthegameplay elementsoftheserieschangedvery littleuntilMikamidirectedResident Evil 4.ButtherenewalofResidentEvil actuallybeganwithanearlierMikami game,themysteriouslytitledP.N.03. Developedrapidlyandwitharelatively smallbudget,P.N.03wasdesignedto bea3-Dhomagetoold-school2-D shooters. ThemostimportantaspectofP.N.03 isitscontrolsystem,anaction-oriented evolutionofResident Evilssystem.The reasonthesystemworkssowell,and thefundamentaldifferencebetweenit andResident Evil,isthecamera.The cameraisseldomaprobleminscrolling
shooters;theviewpointisstatic,and allenemiesareclearlyvisible.P.N.03 recreatesthatenvironmentin3-Dby placingthecamerainafixedposition behindVanessathegamesprotagonistandbykeepingenemiesinclear viewinfrontofyou.Occasionallyyou canbecomesurroundedbyenemies, butlikein2-Dshooters,enemiesin P.N.03areentirelypattern-based.They nevertrytoflankyou,andifyouget swarmed,itsalmostalwaystheresult ofyouractions,whenchasingacombo forinstance. P.N.03sisessentiallyResident Evil withdodging.LeftandRightstillrotate youinsteadofmovingyou,butbecause ofthefixedcamera,itislessconfusing thaninResident Evil.YoucanpressZ toexecuteaquick180turn,andthe triggerbuttonsletyougracefullycartwheelleftorright.Youcanjump,and ifyouarerunning,youllperformanice acrobaticflip. P.N.03definitelytakessomegetting usedto,andIcantthinkofagame whichplaysquitelikeit.Vanessa danceswithmeasuredprecisionand althoughherindividualmovementsare alsoexceptionallygraceful,ittakes askilledplayertomoveherfluidly throughthem.Butonceyouhavethe skill,controllingVanessabecomessecondnature.P.N.03isnotagamewhere youfeelcheatedifyoufail. TherealimportanceofP.N.03isthat itdemonstratedthattankcontrolswork inthird-personactiongamesgiventhe rightcamerasystem.ShinjiMikami reusedP.N.03ssystemasabasisfor Resident Evil 4whenitwasdecided thatthesurvival-horrorseriesneeded amoreactionorientedoverhaul.A boldmoveconsideringthatthecritics dislikeforP.N.03.Chiefamongtheir complaintswasthatVanessacouldnt moveandshootatthesametime.Resident Evil 4,widelyconsideredbycritics andplayersaliketobeoneofthebest
gamesevermade,dependedonShinji Mikamiignoringthemonthis. MikamitookP.N.03scameraand controls,removedallthefancydodging,andreplacedthemwithanaiming mode.Thecameraslidesintosit tightoverLeonsrightshoulderwhile youaimyourweaponwiththeanalog stick.Onceagain,youareunableto moveandshootsimultaneously,but inasurvival-horrorgamesuchasRE4 wheretensioniskey,itmakesmore sense.Whenyoureforcedtostop whilehordesofenemiesplodtowards youwillobviouslybuildanxiety.Beyond that,weknowthatLeonisaformercop andthat,intherealworld,copsare trainedtoplanttheirfeetandgriptheir weaponwithbothhands.Thefocus ofthecontrolsshiftsfromthegracefuldodgingofP.N.03totension-filled shooting.Otherthanthat,thecontrols areprettymuchthesame. ThemostobvioushomagetoP.N.03 isRE4sMercenariesminigame,which isunlockedaftercompletingthestory. Mercenariesisascore/time-attack modewithfourstagesandfiveplayable characters.Thegoalistorackupas manykillsaspossiblewithinalimited
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time,withascoringandbonussystem inheritedfromP.N.03.Manyplayers spentmoretimewithMercenariesthan theydidthemaingame,atestamentto boththesoundnessofRE4sfundamentalmechanicsandthestaying powerofsimplerarcade-likeexperiences. God Hand,Mikamismostrecent game,isthethirdgameintheP.N.03 familytree.ThistimeMikamiapplied theP.N.03templatetothebeat-emup.Thefamiliarbehind-the-back cameraremains,buttherehavebeen somechangestosuitthegenre.The areanumberofbuilt-inmoveswhich arehard-codedtocertaincombinations,suchasBack+Trianglefora juggle,butotherwiseeachfacebutton ismappedtooneof114differenttechniques.ThereisnoblockbuttoninGod Hand,butfourdifferentdodgesmaybe performedwiththerightanalogstick, whichistraditionallyusedtoadjustthe camerainthird-personactiongames. Thecombatsystemimplementedin God Handisverydeep,implementing allthefamiliarbuzzwords:counters, juggles,guardbreaks,evadecancels, etc.Andofcourse,thegameiswell knownforitspainfullookingandoften humorousspecialmoves.
God Handscameraismuchmoreof aproblemthaninP.N.03s,however, becauseitismucheasiertobecome surrounded.Thereisaradartohelp youdealwithunexpectedenemies, butultimatelyitistheabilitytododge repeatedly,coupledwithauralcues signalingincomingattacks,thatmake itmanageableforthededicatedplayer. God Handscameraalsoreceived criticismforadesigndecisionwhich wasperceivedbymanyasabug. Everycameradoesitsbesttokeepthe environmentfromobscuringyourview. Mostgamestrycomplexmanipulations tokeepaclearlineofsight,butGod Handsimplymakestheintervening objectsinvisible.Althoughitcanbe unsightlywhenwallssuddenlyblinkout ofexistence,thisisasimplerandmore reliablesolution.Thedesignersconsciouslychosetomaximizegameplay overaesthetics. OfthethreemostrecentMikami actiongames,onlyRE4receivedbroad criticalacceptance;infact,itwasmany criticschoiceforgameoftheyear. OnlyRE4hadthebudgetanddevelopmenttimenecessarytoimpressthe critics;themoreexperimentalP.N.03 andGod Handwerepanned.Thiswas especiallytragicforP.N.03,sinceitwas
theprovinggroundforideasthatwould laterfindacceptanceinRE4.Insteadof analyzingthedesignofthesegames, thecriticsmerelycomplainedthatthey didntplaythesameasthegamesthey superficiallyresembled. WhatShinjiMikamidoesperhaps betterthananyothergamedesigneris tailorthedesignofhisgamestotheir concept.Inarchitecture,theysayform followsfunction;theequivalentmaxim forgamesshouldbedesignfollows concept.Perhapspartoftheproblem todayisthattherearesofewdesigners whoarewillingtobeginwithanovel concept.Sure,thereareestablished genresinelectronicgaming,butwhen mostgameswithinagenrehavealmost identicalmechanics,thereisstagnation.God Handwassurelynotthefirst 3-Dbeat-em-up,butitwasoneofthe fewthattrulyrethoughtthemechanicsofitstwo-dimensionalforebears. Likewise,P.N.03wasafantastic3-D reimaginingofthe2-Dshooter. IdontexpecttoseetoomanydesignerstakeinspirationfromP.N.03or God Hand,butRE4isalreadyshowing itsinfluence.Recentactiongameslike EpicsGears of WarandCapcomsown Lost Planet: Extreme Conditionfeature RE4-styledover-the-shouldercameras. CliffBlezinski,leaddesignerofGearsof War,hasoftencitedRE4asaninspirationforGears of War. Ofcourse,theaspectsofRE4that haveimpresseddevelopersmostare thepacing,atmosphere,stagedesign, bossdesign,andgeneralpolish.But copyingthosethingswillonlybring themhalfwaytoMikamislevel.To climbtherestoftheway,theymust learntoevaluateeverymechanicinthe contextofthegamesconcept.Mikami isntaloneinreachingthislevel,butas thelastgenerationcomestoaclose, onlyMikamihasconsistentlybeenthere throughitall.
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Secrets and Save Points

Secret of ManaSNES By Heather Campbell
Art By Troy Boyle
Ihavealotoftroublelettinggoof things.Itendtofixateonmemories untiltheybecomecold,unmoving, temporalfetishes.Handledinmymind sooften,theysetlikecoal.So,Iuse themasfuel,throwingthemintothefire ofmydriveoverandoveragain.Coal isanuglyenergy.Andthesememories spewforthsomuchsmokeandash thatthewayaheadbecomesclouded. Ilosesightofmypathinthefilth,and findmyselfchurningforwardalong obfuscatedtracks.Mymemoriesfuck upmyfuture. Ineedtolearntoforgive.Tomove on.Toerasemysavepointsandstart over. Idatedaguyinhighschoolfor almosttwoyears,anditwasthe worsttwoyearsofmyentirelife. Moreshamefulthanthelonelinessof Amsterdam,sickerthanthedoubtsof LosAngeles.TwoyearsIspentstuck tohisside,boundbymyowninsecurities,naveandtraumatized.Ispent EverySingleAfternoondefendingmy innocence,deflectinghisadvances, gaspingforairashepinnedmewith kissesIdidntwant. Ishouldhavelefthim.ButIdidnt knowanybetter.Allofmyfriendshad boyfriends,andmosthadlongago losttheirvirginities.Makingoutwas
supposedtofeelgood;Ijustneededto overcomemyinhibitions.Sure,Iknew mostgirlsdidntsweatwhentheschool bellrangattheendoftheday,most girlsdidntcrywhentheirboyfriends feltuptheirshirts,didntdrivehome dry-heaving.Thiswasntjustpubescent pressure.Itwasaconstantchorusof sexualanxiety.TheonlytimeIveever beenpulledoverbythepolicewasafter leavinghishouse.Iblewthroughastop sign.Icouldntgetawayfastenough. Idontwanttogetgraphic,butI wanttoconveysomesenseofthe nausea.Heactuallysaid,Youwould ifyoulovedme,oncewhentryingto unbuttonmyreticence.Anothertimeit was,Areyougayorsomething?More oftenthannot,itwas,Please,Ineed this,likethedudewasreadingascript preparedbySeventeen.Iwasnever date-raped,butIwasconstantlydodging.Idontknowwhyhedidntleave me.Maybetheonlythingleftforhim wastheconquest. Finally,heclutchedmyhairand forcedaninsignificantfinish.Iwentto thebathroomandthrewup. Whenhewasntshovinghisclumsy tonguedownmythroat,hewastalking abouthisex-girlfriend,whomhesimply referredtoasTheBitch.Theyddone ittogether.Shehadamajorpregnancy scareanddroppedoutofschool.Now, theyhatedeachotherwithadolescent intensity.Helovedher.Hehatedher. Helovedme.Letshavesex.
Wedidnt. ButwedidplaySecret of Manatogether.AndIllneverforgivehimforit. Secret of ManaistheonlySNES gameIhave.Icantletitgo.Itsitsatop ofmySNES,dustyandthreatening.I knowitsanincrediblegame,butIcant playit.Ivetriedtoresetmymemories ofit,bringingitoutforotherloversto rewritehistorytogether.ButIvenever gottenthroughthegameafterIdidit withhim.Itsanchoredinmypast,like theswordsetinstoneatthebeginning ofthegame. Youknow,itsalmosttoomuchthat thedamngameiscalledSecret of Mana.Imean,theintimacymetaphors aresophomoric.Secret of Mana?I mightaswellhavehang-upsabouta gamecalledWell Keep This Between You and Me, Dont Tell Anyone of Mana. Ilovethemusicbutitgivesmemotionsickness.Iadorethegameplay,the charmingfightsandswordplay,butthe charge-upsoundsarelikeshrillalarms, remindersofamiserableyouth.Itsthe onegameIpossessbutcantown,the onegamewhosesweetachievements aremockeriesofthewayIfeelplaying it.Itsasaccharineantagonist.Iwantit tobemine,butitwillalwaysbeours. Itwasntjusttheatmosphereofthe relationshipthatruinedManaforme; itwasthewayheplayedthegame. Secret of Manafeaturesthreeheroes, allrenderedincandycolorsandlarge spites.Indefianceofthefantasticsettingofthegame,myboyfrienddecided tonametheheroAsshole.Thegirl wasBitch.Andthecheerfulsprite wascalledLump. Myadventurewasfoul-mouthed,as everytownspersonwouldcalloutBitch whenaskingformyattention.WhenI couldnthandlethesilenthumiliation, IdswitchtoLumpandbedemeanedinawaylesshuman.Afteran hourguidingAssholeandBitchthrough
thewilderness,wedsavethegame, andIdtrytokeepcomingupwith thingstotalkaboutuntilcurfew. TheboyfriendandIcutourway throughtheworldofManaoverthe courseofthefall,andmycomplicateddisgust-obsessionmanifested asviolentcomicsdrawnaboutthe characters.IdtossLumponaspike andstretchBitchoutoveropenflames. SinceAssholewasonlyplayedbymy boyfriend,hereceivedtheworstofit. Deepdown,Ilovedthecharacters; Iwantedtodrawthem,tothinkabout them.ButthetensionIhadwithMana meanthoursoftorturingtheircheerful outlines. Worse,myboyfriendandIdidntso muchenjoythegameaswedidbreak it.Whenwerealizedthattherecould onlybethreeenemiesonscreenat once,wecheatedthroughhardersectionsbykeepingweakvillainsalive.We leveledupfordaysonhowlersinthe IceForest,sothatthefollowingsectionswerejustspeed-runs.Weskipped largeportionsofdialogue,andanytime Istartedtodriftintotheworld,myboyfriendwouldyellsomethinginappropriateatthescreen.Oratme. MaybeifIdjustacquiesced,itwould havebeeneasier.WhydidntIlike makingoutwithhim?Forone,theguy wasajerk.Anothereasyansweris,Im gay!Butthetruthismoremuddy.See, Imdatingaboyagain,forthefourth timeinmylife.Thiscurrentboyfriend playsKatamari,andIenjoykissinghim. So,theresapartofmethatwonders howmuchofmysexualidentitywasin responsetothesetwoterribleyears. Yeah,sure,whenIsleep,Idreamof girlsbuthowmuchisattraction,and howmuchisreaction?DidIstopdating boysbecauseofhim?DidIstopplayingSNESbecauseofSecret of Mana? Nogameinmylifeismoreobviously incredible,andyetnoexperiencehas beenmorejoyless.Manaispoisoned,
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andnofurtherattemptstofreethe gamefrommypasthavemetwith success.Ivetriedplayingitwithgirlfriends,boyfriends,bymyself.Ivetried confrontingitwithalcohol,orstudying itwithsharpsobriety.Iveemulatedit withextendeddialogue;Iveshovedit intomytobacco-stainedSNESmore timesthanIcancount.Ivesolditoff, onlytorepurchaseitatagreatercost.I cantletgoofManauntilIcanplayitfor itself,byitself,inanemotionalvacuum thatisfilledwithnewsavepoints. Thisyearwasmyten-yearhigh schoolreunion.Ididntgobackto Chicagofortworeasons.Onewasthis guy.Theotherwasmybestfriend, whowasconstantlyflirtingwithhim, withme,witheverythingaroundher. Theymayormaynothavehooked up;itdoesntmatter.Theywereboth abusive. Asabitofanepilogue,Ikeepcasual MySpacecontactwithagirlfromthis school,andsheshowedmepicturesof thetwoofthematasportsbarinWrigleyville.Hesheavy,balding,pedestrian. Ithinkhesellssomething.Shesas
gorgeousasever,andissmilingwide ineveryframe.Sure,itsalittlelateto introduceanewcharacterhere,but forclarityssake,Iwantedtomakeit knownthathewasnttheonlyreasonI didntgobacktoChicagothissummer. Hewasjustmostofit. IwonderifIhadgoneback,couldI play? ThereareotherManagamesnow, butitssadlyobviousthattheydont comparewiththequalityoftheSNES original.Thebalanceiswrong,the musicisdull,thefocusisonchildish charactersoverbrightvisuals.Mana wasntjustwell-composed,itwas giganticpreparedasalaunchtitlefor theSNESCD,thegamewasscaled backwhentheperipheralwasabandoned.Itslong,original,engrossing, beautifulhideous,sad,andawful. God,Icanseeanamazinggameon theothersideofthisriver,butcrossing itseemsimpossible.Itmaybetimeto justletgo. Seemstheswordisstuckinstone, though.Anddrawingitoutwilltakea herogreaterthanmyself.
Break time!
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Giving Up the Ghost

Metroid II: Return of SamusNGB By J. R. Freeman
Art By Benjamin Rivers
SR-388 is a lonely place. When you go there, it is only you and the harsh environment harboring the creatures that have inhabited it for who knows how long. There are the cryptic remains of a long-dead civilization; your only contact with them is the strange artifacts they left behindleft behind for a wandering explorer to find. You leave your trusty spaceship topside, all the stars in the universe above it. Cold, daunting, staring down at you from however many millions of years in the past, however long it took their light to reach you at that exact moment. Gazing up into millennia past for a brief moment, before trudging down into the belly of the whale like Jonah. Youve got a job to do, your steely determination your only true weapon against the dangers that await you in the deep, dank, dark. And when it is all over and the job is done, all that is left are the remains of that long-dead civilization, their artifacts thoroughly plundered, their statues and their shrines left to stare alone into the depths. Their story untold, the only thing remaining a faint echo of a voice that once shrieked out into the darkness and then slowly faded away SR-388 is a lonely place. Excerptfromanuntitled,unpublishedmanuscript,circa2004.
Iwasonvacationwithmyfamilyin WashingtonD.C.thispastsummer whenIrealizedthatIalwaystravelwith myGameBoyAdvanceSPandabag ofgames.Oneofthosegamesisanold copyofMetroid II: Return of Samus for theoriginalGameBoy thatIonceborrowedfromsomeoneandnevergave back.Irealizedthatinthepastfive yearsoftakingyearlyvacationswithmy familyacrosstheUnitedStatesIalways hadMetroid IIintow,anditwasSamus thatkeptmecompanyinthoseodd momentswhenwewerentoutsightseeingordoingsomethingtogether. Duringthoselongcartrips,lush greenMidwesternstatesflyingby outsidethewindow,therewasSamus. Atnight,lyingawakeinsomestrange bedinsomealienhotelinsomestate farawayfromhome,therewasSamus. DuringthosemomentsinNewMexico whenthesummersunwouldcallto mindmemoriesofnucleartestsandthe falloutradiationthatsurelystilllingered intheair,therewasSamus.Always silent,alwaysmoving,andalways carryingouthermissionofexterminatingeverylastMetroidfromtheinterior cavernsofSR-388. Therewassomethingcomfortingin knowingthatSamuswasalwaysatmy sidewhenIneededherthere.Idont knowwhyInowplacesuchimportance onamerevideogame.Partlyitwas
thatthegamewasquiteentertaining, butpartlyitwasthatIhadbeenusing videogamesassomethingtoescape intowhenIfeltcutofffromtherestof theworld.Beinginastrangeplacecan dothattoyou,evenifyouwanttobein thatstrangeplacetoseethingsyouve neverseenbefore. Iguessvideogameshaveaneffect onmestrangeplaces,discovery,and thewanderingtravelerthatperhaps othersgetfrombooksormoviesor theirfavoritemusic.Wheneverwewere inVegasandmyparentswerehitting thecasinosandIwasstilltooyoungto gamble,Iwouldsitinthehotelroom andguideSamusthroughhertrials inbetweenflippingthroughthelocal channelsonthehoteltelevision.Her struggleinsomewaymirroredmyown. Astrangerinastrangeland,lostand slightlyconfused,wonderingifwell evermakeitoutaliveandseehome again.Beingateenagerislikethat sometimes.
Yougetsurprisedwhenyourealizewhatitisthatyourelatetomost, andthenperhapsfrightenedatwhatit implies.Formevideogameshavenever reallybeenmuchmorethanpureescapism,butIneverrealizedthedepths towhichIescapeduntilIhadbeaten Metroid IIandtookanotherfamilytrip. ThelasttimewehadtraveledIhad successfullyeradicatedthemetroid problemonSR-388,exterminating everylivingmetroidIcameacross andslayingthequeen.Satisfiedwith myself,IturnedtheSPoffanddidnt thinkmuchaboutitotherthanitwas afunride.Afewmonthsago,Iwasin WashingtonD.C.onvacationagainand duringanoddmomentatthehotelI poppedouttheSPandfiredup Metroid II. Icouldntplayitformorethanfive minutes. Iwasabitconfusedatfirst,figuring IdgetlostinthegamelikeIalways did,butsomethingwasdifferentthis
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Giving Up the Ghost
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Break time!
time.Ihadbeatenthegame,uncovered themysteriesofSR-388,anddefeated allthemetroids.ForsomereasonI couldntquitebringmyselftodoitall overagain.Thegamewaslikeabook youonlyreadonceinyourlifebutnever forget.Samushadcompletedhermission.Shehadmovedon,andIwasnt readytomoveonwithher. Thissortofthinghappens,Isuppose.Sometimesthingsmoveonfrom youwithoutyouevenrealizingit,and therewasnobabymetroidtostaywith
meliketherewasforSamusattheend ofMetroid II.Nothingfromthegame leapedoutandfollowedmewherever Iwent,demandingmyattentionand care.Thegamesimplystoppedspeakingtome,andbecameassilentasthe cavernsofSR-388. Noresolutiontothestory.Itisabook thatstopsthree-fourthsoftheway throughandthenbecomesnothingbut blankpages.IguessinwritingthisIm movingonfromMetroid IIandgivingup theghost.
By James Harvey
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Giving Up the Ghost
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Militia II is Machinima
Militia IIAVI By Steven Schkolne
Art By Jonathan Kim
Machinimahasgottenalotofpress lately,trumpetingthegloriouspotential ofmachinimaasavoiceforthedowntrodden,puttingfilmbackinthehands ofthepeople,thewaycheaprecording gearputmusicbackinthehandsof thepeopleinthe70stobirthpunk& hip-hop. ButIvebeenteachingacourse calledMachinimaandVideogameTheory,whichrequireswatchingalotof machinima,andfrommostofwhatIve seen,youwouldntbelieveit.FansdutifullyrecreatetheirfavoriteHollywood plotswithgamecharacters.Theresult isfootagethatis,atbest,notquite goodenoughtobeplayedverylateat nightoncableTV.Theyarecertainly notthemuseum-qualitymasterpieces thatstudentsatprestigiousartschools pay$40kayeartoponder1. Withinthispuddle,amongstthis unbrokenfieldofmediocrity,abrilliant lightappearedonmyflat-panel:Militia II,twenty-fiveminuteCounter-Strike masterpiecebyDavidFrome,a.k.a.The FamilyGod.Beforeyougettooexcited, letmesetsomethingsstraight.Milita II hasnoinnovationsinplotorstory.The settingisthecs_militiamap,andin thefilm,agroupofcounter-terrorists invadeabasewhereterroristsareholdingpalemeninlabcoatshostage.The
goal:rescuethehostages. TheuniverseofMilitia II doesnot extendbeyondtheboundsofthemap. Thecharactersarenotcostumedwith newskins,andthemaphasonlyslight modificationsappliedtoit.Theactors donotengageinbrilliantrepartee.At onepointlateinthefilm,theprotagonist,C.T.Russ,converseswithBrad, theterroristleader,asiftheyhadbeen eatinglunchtogetherinasuburban U.S.high-schoolcafeteriajustafew hoursbefore.Thestoryplodsalong, delicatelyunfoldingthepredictable dramaticarcthatCSfansenjoyevery timetheysitdownforanothersession ofHostageRescue. Eachshot,however,isperfect.Itwas thiscombinationoflushboredomand perfectcinematographythat,about fiveminutesin,firstforcedmymind tocomparethismachinimawithother grandattention-spanopuses,Matthew BarneysThe Cremaster Cycleand Kubricks2001.Muchliketheseworks, oncethemindsettlesinandtakesthe boredomforgranted,Militia IIfiltersin, andanamazingpresencetakeshold. Narrativemachinimafailsbecauseit isanewmediumattemptingtobethe oldmedium,likephotographsin1860s composedasiftheywereoilpaintings, likefilmsinthe1920srecordedasif theywereonastage.Militia II,though cinematic,doesnotaimtoprovidea completecinematicuniverse;itpresentsagameuniverse.Militia II doesnot
tellanexternalstory;it tellstheinternal storyoftheCounter-Strikeplayerand documentsthatworld.Fromehas capturedthepsychologicalspaceof theCSgamerandlaiditontopofthe gamespaceitself. IfyouhaveseenMilitia II andthink Imcrazy,Imnotsurprised.Themachinimacommunitybarelyregistered it,merelygivingitanawardforsound attheMachinimaFilmFestivalin2002. Sinceitsrelease,thecommunityhas notrealignedmachinima-makingto incorporatethevisionofFrome.They insteadfollowtheleadofmachinimists likeBloodSpelldirectorHughHancock: SoarewecompetingwithHollywood? Fuckingrightweare2.Itisthatfailed attemptatbeinggenericthatleaves themembersofmyclassdisappointed
withmachinimaastheendoftheterm growsnear. Buthavingdiscoveredasecret machinimamasterpiece,Iassignedmy classtowatchitforhomework.When theywroteintotheclassdiscussion list,itwasclearthatabsolutelynoone sawwhatIsawinMilitia II;theirmessageshadnothingbutcriticismand disdainforthis,thegreatestmachinima workofourtime: Thisisfan-fiction,nothingmore. itsthattypeofaestheticthatreally makesmyspineshiver Therewaslittletonoexplanation inthisfilm thepersonandIwatchingitwere moreinterestedinmyshoelaces thanthevideo
1 hereareafewnotableexceptionsKoulamatasTheFrenchDemocracyandRachelBrays T Jean-CharlesdeMenezes. 2 ughHancock,BloodSpellandHollywood,BloodSpellDevelopmentUpdates, H http://community.livejournal.com/bloodspell/78381.html. 3 lthoughtherearesomeaspectsofitintherecentSouthParkepisodeMakeLoveNotWarA craft.
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valuesisappliedtoaworkofart.Inthis historicalsense,theaestheticofawork isthevaluesthatitrepresents. Masterpieceartworksareimportant becausetheymarkashiftinvalues. WhenWarholpaintedCampbells Soup Can,itwasnoteworthybecauseit pronouncedashiftinintent.Insteadof anartthatvaluedthehumancondition, Warholsartplacedvalueonthecommercialcondition.Intheyearssince hepaintedhiscans,moreandmore culturalpractitionershaveinvestigated theroleofconsumerismwithnodirect referencetohumanexperience.These worksareculturalmarkers;theyhelp usunderstandtheshiftingvaluesand prioritiesinoursociety. Militia II makesasimilarpronouncement.Militia II doesnotvaluetheHollywoodreality.Thevalueofmachinima
isnothowwellitmimicstheconventionsofHollywoodblockbustersor AdultSwim.Thevalueofmachinima istheextenttowhichitembodiesthe psychologicaldimensionofgameplay. Theonlyprecedentisthespeedrun, whichembodiesthephysicalaspectsof gameplay. SadlyFrome,unlikeWarhol,isunlikelytoinspireimitators.Inthefouryears sinceMilitia IIsrelease,therehave beennograndrenderingsofclassic gamesinthisvein.HowIwouldloveto seetheenhanceddimensionsofGrand Theft Auto,The Sims,orevenWorld of Warcraft!Alas,thesemachinimafollowers-onhaveyettoappear3.Fromeand hiscollaboratorsareboldlyclaiminga uniquevisionformachinima.Andno onelistens.
And,ofcourse,manycreativeuses ofbullshit. Notthatthischangedmyopinion ofMilitia IIthesecomplaintswere exactlythereasonthatIfellinlove withitinthefirstplace,thereasonIm writingthisarticle.Militia II unabashedly flauntsitsorigininthegamerculture. Itsconstraints,itspurelimitingtothe spaceofthegame,rocketmachinima tonewheights. WecanmakeaninversecomparisonwithHollywoodsadaptationsof gamestheyaresupposedtorepresentagame,butinsteadweget game-ishHollywoodlives.Thegame becomesabackdrop,adevicetojustify morefamiliardevicesafewscattered live-actionrenditionsofgameplayin serviceofacheapHollywoodplot. InMilitia II,thereisnoattempttogo beyondthemostbasicofgamestories: thegameitselfisexactlywhatunfolds. Theplotisboringbecauseitisexactly thegamesplotbutwithinitwecan
seethegamemorepurely.Thecharactersareblandandunexciting,butthey arepreciselyasblandandunexciting asthestrangersyoumeetinanMMO oraLANparty. Thisfilmisnotmachinimatryingto becinema.Itissomethingelseentirely; itisexactlywhatmachinimamustadd, ifitistoliveonasitsownforminstead ofascut-ratemovies. Thewordaestheticisnowpopularly usedasasynonymforstyle.Thisuse ofaestheticmakesthesmall,art-snob homunculusIhaveembeddedwithin mybraincringe.Ittreatstasteasa triviality,basedoncolorchoicesorset ofculturalreference.Thisaesthetic ishavingafavoritecolorthatisblue, insteadofgrean,whichdiminishesthe notionoftaste,anddoesntrecognize thegreatpowerofvalueswithinsociety.Thehistoryofaesthetictheoryhas adeepersenseofthewordaesthetic. Aesthetic,intheKantiantradition,is judgment,aprocessinwhichasetof
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Mega Microcosms
WariowareGBA, GCN, NDS, WII By Ancil Anthropy
Art By Troy Boyle
Wetried,betweenourlastissueand thisone,torecordapodcastabout Nintendo'sWarioware(Made in Wario) series. Itwastobethoroughandinformative,asummationoftheentireseries (andRhythm Tengoku).Itwastobe cleverandinsightful,itwouldarticulate theRelevancyoftheseries,explain WhatItAllMeant.Wehadhighideals. AndsoitwasthatweWesEhrlichmann,J.R.Freeman,M.OConnor, JeremyPennerandIloggedonone OctobereveningtoSkype,thepodcast toolofthepenniless,afreeinternet voice-chatclientweweretwistingto ourownpurposes.Skype,wefound out,ischronicallyunreliablewithmore thantwopeople. Hourslater,afterdisconnects,unexpectedbootsinthemiddleofconversations,andtojudgefromtheaudio qualityalieninvasions,wehadcome aroundatlasttoWhatWarioware microgamewouldyoudesign?How aboutonewhereyourestartyourcomputer,unplugyourheadset,plugyour headsetbackin,turnupthevolume onyourmic,standonyourhead,take fivedeepbreathsandsayaprayer,and Skypestillcrashes?Isuggested.That canbethebossstage,saidWes. Weendedupwithtwohoursof
unusableaudio.Ourapologies,dear readerourthirdpodcastendedin failure. Whichmeansitslefttome,ina singleshortessay,toexplaintheWariowareseriesandWhatItAllMeans. Thisisnotaneasytask.TheWarioware gamesarerifewithparadox.They aredifficulttodescribe,andyetfairly simpletorelatetoanewplayer: Agamepopsup,andyouhavefive secondstocompleteit. Thatisthesimple,entirelytruedefinition.Themorecomplex,equallytrue definitionis:Wariowareisallvideogames,itistheentirehistoryofthe mediumfromtheFamicomthroughthe Wii,itisNintendosmostinwards-lookingandmostoutwards-lookingrelease, itisinthepostmodernsensethe Aleph1. Wariowareissimultaneouslythe mostbackwards-lookinggameNintendohaspublishedintwentyyearsand themostprogressive.NintendosBit Generations2seriesisoftendescribed asbackwards-looking,buttheyonly peekbacklongenoughtocribsome noteswhichwillletNintendomarket themasretro.Wariowarelooksback andcomprehends. Wariowareisindeedagamewherea playercompletesshortergamesthe documentationcallsthemmicrogamesinfive-secondtimelimits. Creatingagamethataplayercan encounter,understand,andcomplete
withinaspanofsecondsisnoeasy task;toaccomplishit,themicrogames borrowcontextoftenfrommundane, everydayactivitieslikecuttinghair, washingdishes,ironingclothes. Asanexample,oneofthemicrogamesintheseriesthirdepisode(third developed,fourthreleasedintheUS), Warioware Twisted,presentsyouwith animageofacakewiththreecandles andaninstruction:Blowout!Youturn theheadofthebirthdayboy,directing hislipstowardthecandles,andhis breathputsouttheflames.Theparty guestsclapatyoursuccess. Thenexttimethegameisencountered,theboyisaman,andthereare morecandlesinthecake.It'sharder toputthemalloutwithinthetimelimit. Thethirdtimeround,themanisold andwhite,andhiscakebristleswith candles.Eachiterationofthegame obeysthesamerulesandhasthesame goal,samemechanics,andsametime limit;butdifficultyrisesfromanincreasedcomplexity,whichfollowsfrom anaturalandimmediatelyunderstood observationaboutthenatureoftime andaging. What'simportanttonoteisthat, despiteitsdepictionofascenario basedinreality,thegameremains deeplyabstract.Takingadeepbreath, holdingitinthelungs,andblowingit outagainisn'thandledbyacomplex physicalmodel,orevenimplemented atall.Theboyisalwaysblowing,agust ofairforeverpaintedonthetipsofhis lips,andyouinteractmerelybyrotating theboy'shead.Thepartyguestswho applaudwhenyousucceedarejustthe sametwo-frameanimationofdisembodiedclappinghandscopiedand pastedfourtimesonthescreen.
Wariowareunderstandsthatabstractionisthebasisofcommunication betweenthegameandtheplayer,if notallcommunication.Videogamesare composedofabstractionsinthesame waythatbooksarecomposedoftiny symbolsthatonceweredrawingsof oxenbutarenowjuststickatomsthat meannothingwithoutcontext. Wariowareliftscontextfromother sourcesthanbarberyandbirthdays. Sports-themedmicrogamesproliferatewithinWarioware,havingtheirown rulesandgoalsthatmostplayerswill alreadybefamiliarwith.Andthere's another,evenmorereadily-accessiblesourceofpre-existingrulesand abstractions:videogames. Wariowarebecomesvideogames' Alephbycontainingthosegameswithin itself,transposingtheirrulesandgoals intoitsownstructure.Amicrogame mightshowMario,inhis8-bitskin, standinginalandscapeoverwhich afewgoombascrawl."Stomp!"the gamecommands.Andyourecognize, asreadilyaswiththebirthdaycake, thelawsandabsctractionstowhich Mariodances.Leftandrightmoves,A buttonjumps.Touchingagoombafrom itssidemeansdeathtotouchitfrom abovemeansvictory.Itiscompletely arbitrary,butimmediatelyunderstood. Needlesstosay,theoriginal Wariowarewasarevelatoryrelease.In aesthetics,gameplay,andcontent,the gameiscomplete.Butcompleteness doesnotlendmuchgroundforfollowupsasNintendolikelylearnedwith thereleaseofWarioware: Mega Party Games,amultiplayer-orientedGamecubetitlethatspendsmostofitstime askingplayerstoreplaygamesfromthe originalWarioware.
1 heAlephisaninventionofArgentinewriterJorgeLuisBorges:apointthatoverlapseverypoint T intheuniverse,atinyspeckintowhichonecanlookandseeEverything. 2 SeeDarkOddysey,TGQ#7.
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Mega Microcosms
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Internallyperfect,Wariowareturned itsgazeoutwardtowardtheplayer andthemeansthroughwhichaplayer interactswiththegame.Sobeganthe seriesmarriagetounusualinputdevices.Firstagyroscope,whichdetects whenyouturnthemachine,thenastylusandtouchscreen,thentheWiis3D mouse.Themicrogamesremainlargely thesame,onlyinsteadofusingthe D-padtohelptheathletedochin-ups, youretiltingyourGameboyleftand right,movingthestylusupanddown, orliftingthecontrolleroveryourhead. Eachmethoddoesfeelnew, thoughinmuchthesamewaythat thereareonlysevenstoriesinallof literatureanditismerelythetelling ofthemwhichmakesthemnew.We havebeenplayingthesamegamesfor twentyyears,andthisisrarelyclearer thanwhenwemakeMariohopon goombasinWarioware. Havingcompletedtheirmasterpiece, theWariowareteamhasbeenspinning theirwheels,repeatedlyremakingtheir perfectgame.Ayearorsoago,Nintendofinallygavethemleavetodevelop agameoutsideoftheWariofranchise (whichNintendoweddedtotheoriginal forfearthattheuntestedgamemodel mightnotsell).Theteamcollaborated withtheJ.P.Roomrecordingstudio toproduce2006sRhythm Tengoku,a rhythmgamefortheGameboyAdvance.
Mostrhythmgamesfeaturecolorediconsthatmoveacrossascreen, activatedbytheplayerwhentheyreach acertainpoint.Thismayseemtoo abstract,acontext-andmeaning-free activity,buttherhythmgenregothold oftheinputtrickalongtimeagoso thatwhatyoureactuallyphysically doingtoactivatethoseiconsisdancing onamatorpretendingtoplayaguitar. TheRhythm Tengokuteam,developingforahandheldwithtwoface buttonsandaD-pad,didnothavethis option.Sotheydidsomethingdifferent: theygavetherhythmcontext.What youreactuallydoingispushingtheA buttonintimetobeatsinthesong,but onscreenisyourehelpingamartial artistpunchstonesoutoftheair,or pluckinghairsfromanonionwhoneeds ashave,orbouncingamarblealonga platform. Rhythm Tengokudisplaysanunderstandingoftheinterminglingofabstractionandcontextthatisattheheartof theWariowareseries.Thatisultimately whyweplayWarioware,andwhywe playanygames:abstractgameplay plusmeaningfulcontextcreatescompellingexperience.AndIthinkmypeers atthemagazinewouldagree. ThishasbeenyourGamersQuarter podcast.Goodnight.
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Mega Microcosms

Persona Visits the Wii Line

By Jonathan Kim
The Punch Line


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Break time!
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Christmas Morning at the Leukemia Ward

Tokyo Game Show 2006 By Brendan Lee Small, depressing amounts of this piece appeared on Largeprimenumbers.com in a wildly different format. Bythetimeyoureadthis,the2006 TokyoGameShowwillbeadistant memory. Oneofthetruebenefitsperhaps theonlybenefitofadheringtoaquarterlypublishingscheduleisthesenseit givesof20/20hindsight.Whereother magazines(werelookingatyou,EGM!) areobsessedwithoutdatednotions suchasup-to-the-minutenewsand relevancy,thequarterlypublication takesafardifferentandmorerefined tack.IfyourereadingthisissueofThe Gamers Quarter,youareoneofthe fewthattrulygetit. Oneofthevery,veryfew. Mediakeyboard-floggerstoexpense Ziff-Davisforanout-of-townhandjob droppedfromtwotoone. AlthoughIstaggeredaroundin atipsyanddisheveledfunkatlast yearsTGS,thiswasthefirsttimeI actuallyhadanycredentialsorcoverageresponsibility.Igotmypassinan incestuousinternetsituationwhere someoneknowsaguywhoknowsagirl whoknowsaguywhocollectsdinosaur eraserswhomanagedtofilloutthe pressrelationssectionoftheTokyo GameShowwebsite.Sadly,there existsasacred(iflegallynon-binding) trustknowninformallyastheLanyard Accord:ifyouvegotabadgefroma publication,youowethatpublicationat leastfifteenhundredwords.According toMicrosftWordscountfunction(one thatcanevencountverytinywords suchasif,a,or,no,we,be, on,andin(evenifthosewordslie buriedwithinanestedparenthesis)due tocleverprogrammingtechniques), wereupto3171. Anyway,videogames! You,gentlereader,cannothearme, butIammakingasortofmuffledgaggingnoiseinthebackofmythroat.It soundsasifIamtryingtodislodgea gummibear,andindicatesdispleasure andcontempt.ImovedtoTokyofor tworeasons,tworeasonsonly:the mo2,andthehorriblecrushingfeeling ofisolation.Thusfar,thosetworeasons haveonlygelledinonegame:Ban-
Everyyear,roughly50,000game journaliststucktheirmom-laundered Yars RevengeT-shirtsintostone washeddenimshortsandtrektothe TokyoGameShow,causingasuddenandimmediatedropinJapans strategicFabreezereserves.Thisyear, thestakeswerehigherthanusual:due totherecentcancellationoftheElectronicsEntertainmentExpo(E3),the numberofannualopportunitiesforNew
dai-Namcossoon-to-be-seminalThe Idol M@ster.Thistouchscreengalsim (arcadeandXbox360)combinesallthe finestaspectsofasupermarketcash machine,aNewgroundsFlashwidget, afreshdoujin-CGrip,andacosplayers Flickrpage.Itistheelectronic-entertainmentversionofslow-meltingan Akihabaramaidcafintoanornately filigreedspoonandtheninjecting itstraightintoyourspinalcolumn. AlthoughIknewthatTIMwouldbe makinganappearanceatTGS2006,it seemedlikeafairlyweakreasontohaul myselfallthewayouttoChiba.One canonlyspendsomuchtimearound TIMbeforechewingoneslipandcursingonesname. Still,youvegottodosomethingto staveofftheboredom,andthisyears TokyoGameShowhadsomethingsin industrial-gradesupply.TheMakuhari MesseconventioncenterinChibais wheretheyputthebigbastards.Fiftyfourthousandsquaremeters,accordingtothesplatteredpresskitIfound onthefloorofmybathroom.Theyd filleditcompletelywithvideogamesand thecut-ratebottom-feedersthatlive offtheirscraps.ThelasttimeIdbeen therewasforElectraglide,oneofthe largestindoortechnoeventsinTokyo, andIsawUnderworldbeltoutBorn SlippyatfourteenthousandslackjawedJapanesehighon3000-yen-apopecstasyandShinjukustreetacid. Massdelusionwasthestockintrade then,butTGS2006gaveitahellofa runforitsmoney.
Isawameadow.ItwastheNext Generation,a1080pmeadowwith luscioustextures,lensflares,andabsolutelybreathtakingpolygoncounts, heldsteadyat45frames-per-second. Therewasawomanthere,dressedin white.ForthebriefestofmomentsI wasinlove,andsomewhereinthedark recessesofmymindIstartedtohum thefamiliartunethathadlulledmeto thistinyislandinthefirstplace. Thenshewasfalling. Icouldntreallyseewhathappened, butsomehowshewasntonthefirm solidgroundanymore,andthewind waswhippingthroughherhair,andher dresswasstreakingoutbehindher, andherperfectmouthwaslockedin suddenterror. Shewasturningandscreaming,and thegroundwasrushingup,fasterand faster,andmystomachsunkwiththe inevitabilitybutjustastheendwas supposedtocome,itdidnt. Suddenly,shewasflying,afootand ahalfabovetheground,thetreesblurringbehindher. Sheturned,andhereyescaught thefaceofhersaviorfullon.Herface shonewithaperfectmixtureofwondermentandreliefandjoy,inaplacefree fromworrywhereshewouldbesafe. Sheclosedhereyesandnestled downcomfortablyintothegentle, protectingarmsofSonictheFucking Hedgehog. Itsthekindofdarkhorrorthatmakes peoplerunscreamingforapriest.
1 318! 2 ! 3 PossiblyBerrysshoes.
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IItriedtodealwiththemainfloor, sohelpmeGodIdid.Ipickedupa camouflage-skinnedPSPandjammed downonthesquarebuttoninsome half-assedMetal Gearretread;I scannedastackofcardsintoacopy ofSegasLove and Berry,changing Lovesshoesfromformaltosemi-formalandbackagain3.Ifoundapromotionalglowstickonthegroundand waveditaround;thenIstopped. Istartedgoinguptoboothbabesat random,makingridiculousandinsistent demandsforveryspecificphotographs inbrokenJapanese: The Gamers Quarter:ITAKEYOUR PICTURE,ISITGOOOOD? BB:Okay![smile] TGQ:YES.BUT!YOURFACE,ROTTEN-FOOD-FACEPICTUREIWANT. BB:Huh? TGQ:OKAY.IAMYOU!IEATTHE ROTTENFOOD.MYFACEISROTTENFOOD-FACE!YOURFACE,MAKE! OKAY!?SMILEISNO!
BB:Iwontdothat. TGQ:PLEASEDOIT.ROTTEN-FOODFACE.SMILEISNO!IAMFROM AMERICA.ROTTEN-FOOD-FACEIS MOREBETTER.TRULY! EventuallyIjusttooktowandering thebackhallsofthepressareaand flashingmybadgeatnobodyinparticularuntilthenoveltyworeoff.Thiswas almostimpossibleamountsoffunat first,andthenalmostnofunatall.The pressroomhadfreedrinks,though, andIwhiledawayafewminuteson sweetteaandscreamingintomycell phoneatnobody: Well, Kevins a drug addict and a bum! Tell him to bring the big lens! No, not that one, the enormous fucker! This trailer is going to be broadcast in 1080fucking-p! We dont have one-last-fucking-dance-with-Mary-fucking-Jane time here! This is a fucking CAPCOM trailer! They are going to show it once, and then its going to be an hour-and-a-half of nonsense and casual gamer market analysis! We need to get this fucker locked down, dammit! Ive had the fucking Swedes breathing down my neck
all day, and those calls from Stockholm cost about two-hundred fucking euros a minute! Tell Kevin to put the bong down! Where did he even get that stuff, the entire countrys a damned floaty island! Butnobodyseemedtocare,savefor asmallclusterofChinesecorrespondentswhogaveeachothersidelong glancesandmovedtheirnotebook computersalittleclosertogether. Eventually,IcollapsedwithaMountainDewaroundadentedcoffeecan filledwithwaterandcigarettebuttsin theramenarea.Ihelpedajet-lagged Viacomsplintergroupordersome noriramenfromacheeryoldwoman. Theyweregoodatthechopsticks, theViacommers;theyrememberedto rubthemtogetherfirsttosandoffthe splinters.Ihadasuddenclearvisionof themeatingsomeofthefinestCaliforniarollsknowntoman. SomeoneaskedwhatkindofvideogamesIwasinto. Idespisethesethings,Isaid,and forasecondIthought,youknow,that Iwasjustbeingallcleverandhardboiledandgrouchyandawesome.But ithadacertainweightonceIsaidit, acertaintruth.Irolleditaroundinmy mouthandsaiditagain. OneoftheViacomslookedatmeina waythatsaidheunderstood;heasked whyanyway,justtobepolite. Isighed.Videogamesorthescene orwhateverarejustabunchof well,doyouwanttoknowwhatits like?GotoMcDonalds,andordera HappyMeal.Cheeseburger,ketchup only,orhoweveryouusedtoorderit backwhenyouweresevenyearsold. Sitdownwithit,andplaywiththetoy first.Takeoutafrenchfry.Diponeend ofitinketchup,andthenpretendthat itsacigarette,andyouresmoking it.Takemaybethreebitesofcheeseburger.Youwillfeelstupid,andyou willfeelgreasyandridiculous,but
youllfeelthiswarm,faintpricklingof nostalgiathatwillmakeyoufinishthe entirething.Thatiswhatitistobe buyingvideogamesinyour20s.Or 30s.Imean,Final Fantasy XIIIislooking prettyhot. Weflippedsomebusinesscards aroundanddrainedourramendetritus intoasludgebucket. Islouchedwaist-deepintothemerchandisearea.
Istartedtofeeldesperate. Istartedtofeelheroic. Therehadtobesomeoneworthsavingintheplace,Ifigured;somewayto strainthesignalfromthenoise.Were theyclusterednearthecornersright now,bangingonthepipeswithashoe, hopingthefiredepartmentwouldlower afewNutri-Grainbars? Ithoughtforabit. Imulled. IflippedoutmyDSandstartedup Pictochat. ItwasthefirsttimeIdeverseen itbeingusedforanythinguseful;the firstchatroomwasactuallyfullof10 peopleorso.Inbetweenwi-fidropouts,peoplewerehavingsomething likeaconversationablurofkanji androughly-sketchednoma-nekos.I feltoneofthoseStirringFeelingsof Innovation,likeIdidwatchingmid90s AT&Tcommercials,wherevacationing mountain-climbersinPerucalltheir geosynchronousorbitinggrandmothers ontheir22-inchwidescreenholowatches. IwipedafewbitsoffluffofftheDS andstartedtosketchinmybestromajibasedpseudo-Japanese: HEYEVERYBODY!LETSDRINK SOMETHINGTOGETHER!FREE DRINKS! 2:30!! PUYOPUYO!THESEGABOOTH


Iwasshockedtheeffectwas almostimmediate;asuddenrushof peopleleavingthechat.Iglancedatmy watch.Itwas2:26. Fourminutes,andawindsprintwas outofthequestion.Theleeringmasses werepackedtightandangry,andthey movedwithanuncomfortableshiftiness thatwasdifficulttopredict.Iglanced rightasolidimpassivewallofcarpetmoistenerswastryingtopurchaseauthenticvialsofAerisstearsfromaman withagoldentooth.Iglancedlefta terriblepersoninaHawaiianshirtwas pimpingbed-lengthDead Or Alive Extreme 2bodypillowstoagaggleofthe damned.Iflippedabusinesscardwith afakee-mailaddressathim.Itstuck inhisback,justbelowtheshoulder blades,leavingmeanopening. 2:27. Iblurred pastthePuppyOnand FishOntables,withtheirincomplete buildsandhorribletexturemapsand creepyout-of-proportionfurry-themed boothart. Weavingfasternow,pasttheenormousinflatablecubeadvertisinganincrediblenewdatingsimulationwhereall thegirlsareinahighschoolbandand yourethebandleaderandsomething strangeanderotichappenstothemin thexylophonestorageroom,againand againandagainandagainandagain andagain. Pastthemaidsshovingofficial Bumpy Trot 2tissuepacksintotakoyaki-stainedhands. Pastthemansplayedoutonthe ground,limbstwistedinabadangle hedprobablybefineifsomeonewould justfliphimover,buttheresnotimeto helphim. Pastthelesbians. Pastthemom/Tifawipingsnot offthekid/Cloudsheoverperfectly dressedupthatmorning.Tryingnotto thinkaboutthetherapyhellneedlater andneverget.
Pastthelies. Pastthetruth. Aquickdodgearoundtheclusterfuck ofpeopletakingfurtive,sweatypictures oftheDevil May Cry 4screensthatall say,NoPhoto,sothatyoulltakepicturesofthemandpostthemon2chan. Ashortcutthroughoneofthenearemptyboothssponsoredbyatelecommunicationscompanythatnobody invitedbutwhoshowedupanyway. Faster. Aprecariousone-footedhairpin twistinfrontofastinkinggaggleof jet-laggedCaucasianoids,theirbodiesmashedtightagainsta6-foot-tall Bomberman,theirfaceswildandbright andecstatic,lookingforalltheworld liketheyreparticipatinginapoorlyconceptualizedorgywiththeDalai Lama 2:28. Pastthebespectacled,cat-eared manwithhisheadinhishands,crying softlyandwelloutofthewayoffoot trafficaconsideratesoul,certainly. Likeafailingdentistwhoshootshimself inthehead,butmakessurethere arelotsofpapertowelsandWindex nearby. 2:29. PastFrenchWonderSwanenthusiasts,asickeninggroup. 2:30. Touchdown,throttleback. IreachedthePuyo Puyotableand lookedaround.Therewereoneortwo peoplethatIthoughtwerepossible matches.Theyseemedshiftierthanthe others;slouchingaround,notplaying Puyo,butalsonotnotplayingPuyo4. IopenedmyDSandstartedwavingit frantically. Here!Ishouted.Koko desu!KOKO DESU YO!!! Acoupleappeared. Japanese,intheirmid20s,smiling,clutchingtheirDSes.Wegotthe preliminariesoutoftheway(awk-
wardbowing,awkwardhandshakes, awkwardphotography),andthengot straightintobusiness: TGQ:LETSDRINKTOGETHER. Them:[nervously]Hm.Drinkwhat? TGQ:OKAY!OKAY.IAMPRESS. OKAY.WEGOTOPRESSROOM.WE AREFREEDRINKS,GET! Them:[nervously]Uhhm.Really? TGQ:OHYES.YES.THETRUTH,IS. LETSGOTOPRESSROOMAND FREEDRINKSGET. Them:[nervously]Wellokay. Wesaunteredtothedoorwayofthe press-relationscenter;Iflashedmy badgeandahalf-grin. Itsokay,Isaid,pokingathumb intomybadge.Imwiththepress. Thesepeoplearewithme. Ihadtosayitafewtimesbeforeanyonenoticed. Theyhadalittledrinkbarofsortsset up;IpassedpapercupstotheJapa-
neseandtoldthemtohelpthemselves. Theytooksometeaandacoupleof tentativehalf-sips,butIcouldseethat theirheartswerentreallyinit.They keptlookingaroundinrapid,worried twitches,surethatsoonerorlatersome angrybeastofamanwouldcatchthem inaplacewheretheyClearlyDidntBelong,anditwouldbeofftothegallows orworse.Andinthatmoment,Irealized thattheHeroAnglehadbeencrucially flawedfromtheget-go.Anyonethat cametothisplaceknew,forbetteror forworse,exactlywhatitwastheywere gettinginto. Theydidntneedsaving.Or,atthe veryleast,theydidntwantsaving. Igavethemawansmileandabusinesscard,andIletthemgo. Theywent,likealltheothers.
Inacertainframeofmind,andwith therighttypeofblindingheadache,you canseethefuture. Pinchthebridgeofyournoseashard asyoucan,andsqueezeyoureyes tightuntilthewhite-hotsparksbeginto frythemselvesalongthebacksofyour
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eyelids.Doitlongandhardenoughto giveyouahorribleblindingbastardofa migrainethekindthatmakesyouhate yourownname. Thatsit.Yourethere. Itsahorrible,Technicolor,HDMIenabledlung,renderedinabrandnew losslesscodecthatwillmakeyougo blindunlessyouvepaidaHebrewlivinginNewJerseyonetenthofacent. Itshot,andmoist,andthelightsnever shutoffcompletely. Thehemispheresinsideyourhead willscreamateachotherinaterrible darkunison.OnewilldemandNewand Exciting,andtheotherwilldemand OldandFamiliar,andtheyllbothmeet
directlyinthemiddleandexplodein aterrible,graywaveoftritenessand ennui. Youllscreamforyourmother,the onethatyouhateandnevercall.Youll screamforapeanutbuttersandwich withthecornerscutoff,andmakedo withgin.Youllscreamablackfucking streakforaplasticsippycupofapple juice,andthencallanex-girlfriendand begherforsex. Intheend,itisntaquestionof whetherornotyoullgodown. Itsaquestionofhowlongyoucan circlethedrain.
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A Retrospective Survival Guide to Tokyo Game Show

With Extra-Special Blue Dragon Preview By Rudie Overton Whenyoudecidetoevaluateyour TokyoGameShowcoverage,make sureyoudoitundertherightcircumstancesandwiththerightequipment. Forexample,Idonotrecommend,in themiddleofdayone,givingyourSony CyberShotDSC-P73digitalcamerato amanwhohasonlydealtwithelectronicsfromafruit-themedcomputer company.WhenIdidso,Idiscovered that,althoughIgottomakeaMacs dontcrashjoke,hoursoflostdataleft melittletoevaluateasIqueuedtotry Blue Dragon,anXbox360RPGbythe creatorsofFinal Fantasy. Icuppedmycamerainmyhands andrealizedthatitwasallgonehours ofphotosandvideocasuallydeleted byoneofthepseudo-hiplegionswho keepSteveinaJob.Iwantedtocryor kicksomething,butdecidedthatitwas bestnottogetupset.Severalminutes ofalmostfunnyfootagehadbeen deleted,butitwasntlikeanyonewas reallygoingtocare.Theinternethas alreadyturneditsjitteryattentionspan towardgrainyYouTubeSeanConnery/ Thundercatstechnodanceparties. BythetimeIgottothefrontofthe line,thenet-savvygamersoftoday wouldhavealreadyporedoverallofthe games,news,andpreviewsofTGSand madeYTMNDpagesintheirhonor.1 Beingawayfromtheinternet,allIhad beenabletodowascatchaglimpse ofDevil May Cry 4fromfarawayand browsetheSegabooth.Alookatmy watchtoldmethatdevotingmyself totheBlue Dragonlineleftmewitha snowballschanceinhellofplaying anythingelsetoday. Thelinewastwohourslongandwas heldwithinasweatybox/cavernthat wasonlyopenforeighthourstotal.The firstdayofTGSholdsonlytwotypesof people:agroupthatreportsthemselves aspresstothewomenatthefrontof thebuilding,andagrouppaidtoentertainandpretendtoworshipthevery groundthefirstgroupwalksupon.This secondsetofpeoplesecretlyspends thedaytryingtoseewhichoftheotherswillendupwiththetitleofMost LikelytoFailatLife. TheBlue Dragondemoisabitlike theentertainersitlooksprettybut doesntshowanyindicationthatit understandsvideogames.Thedemo seesyourcharactersdroppedintoan emptyfield,andyouarethensentto killmonsters.Itbecomesobviousthat thedemoscharactersarebeyond overpoweredforthetiny,lens-flare-infesteddentheypopulate;everyenemy goesdowninundertwohits.Inafitof mind-blowinggraphicalinnovation,the gamesmotion-blurisnearlyenoughto distractfromtherealizationthatyour partyitselfoutnumberseverygroup ofenemiesyoucomeacross.Outside
ofthesestartlinginnovations,whats leftseemslikebasicRPGfare;yourun alongafalse-walledforestonlytohita setofenemiesandwatchasthescreen breaksandcomesupintobattlemode. Unfortunately,thisknowledgeisall basedonwhatIwitnessedfromthose infrontofme,forIwasstillinline. IlookedaroundtoseeifIrecognizedanyfamouspeoplefamousby internetstandardsanyways.AndIdid! Therewasthatoneguywhodidthat onething.Wasntthattheguywho writesforEGM?Therewasthedude whoordersEuropean-BlendMocha KochaLattes,whoknowsaguythat youknowyouknow.Heisntreallyin lineforaJapaneseRPG,ishe?Iheard himsayingsomethingaboutamissing guy,andashisworrybecamemyworry Ithoughtaboutdistractingmyselfby callingouttothepeoplemillingaround. Idistractedmyselflongenoughthatit wasfinallymyturntoplayBlue Dragon. Imayhavenoknowledgeofthe Japaneselanguage,butIcouldstill successfullycommunicatewiththe boothbabesdesignatedtotellyouhow toplayBlue Dragon.Beinghardcore,I learnedhowtoRPGonthecoldsuburbanstreets.Theladiesmanningthe boothspointedatcontrollerdiagrams andspokeinaslow,unintelligible language.Icanonlyassumethatthey weretellingmeallabouttherevolutionarynewgamethatfeaturesmenus rippedstraightfromFinal Fantasy.As theladysfingerpointedtotheAbutton overandoveragain,Inoddedpolitely. PerhapsbecauseIknewBlue Dragon reliesonthegameplaysystemofa populargamethatIwasalreadysureI didntlike,IfeltIdeservedtobethere. OrmaybeIjustwantedthebragging rightsthatweremypresentforwaiting 120minutestoplayagameforonly
1 Forexample,http://worththe600.ytmnd.com.
15.Ishouldntbeupsetthatthepackagemisstatesthecontents.Ishould behappythatImightendupwalking awaywithaverynicelookingtoyaction figureofthemaincharacter,ratherthan thecheap-lookingside-characterrobot toythatafewpeoplegot. GettingbacktoBlue Dragon.While slammingbuttonsaroundrandomlyin thehopesthatoneofthethirtymenu optionsmightshowsomethingcool,I glancedovertoseethattheguynextto
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me,whochosetheothermenuoption, isshootingbaddiesfromacockpit rippedfromStar Wars.Afewminutes laterhewastalkingtosomepeoplein town.ImnotsurewhyIwatchedhis screenforsolong,butbackonmy screenIwasabletodefeatatigerand discoverthroughamisfocusedvirtual camerathatoneofmyover-leveled partymembershasonceagainleveled up!Iwasabletofakeenthusiasmjust enoughtoconvincetheboothbabeto handmemytoy.Yep.Igotthecrappy robot.Andnowmyfifteenminutes spentstaringatthenextgenerationof RPGswasup. Whilebeingpushedoutofthetent Inoticedanothersetofboothbabes tryingtohandoutfreeXboxLivepoints. LikenearlyeveryothergamerinJapan, Idontowna360,butItooksome pointsanywayjusttobepolite.The girlsseemedecstatic,asifnoonehad takenthepointsallday. NotfivefeetfromtheXboxLive pointsladiesIfoundmyselfattheSonic the Hedgehogdemo.IdidntthinkId havetimetoplayanothergame,butthe Sonic linewasstrangelyempty.This wouldbethesecondpre-releasegame Igottoplay!Ithoughttomyselfthat thismustbewhatbeingarealvideogamejournalistfeelslike.Staringatthe cutscenes,Irealizedthatitonlymeant Iwouldgettoscreamaboutaterriblevideogamemonthsbeforeother people. IfIwereItruegamejournalist,Icould pretendthatthegamemightmagically getbetterinthetwomonthsbeforeits releaseandwriteanarticlestressing thatthiswasapre-releasebuildand Segapromiseseverythingwillbefixed. Journalistsneedtouseallsortsof tricksliketheseiftheyhopetomakeit intothebrand-new,ultra-exclusiveE3 2007. Imnotarealgamejournalist,soI canjusttellyouthatitsucks.
AtleastnowIcansaythatIwasable tomakeitthroughTGS2006dayone. IfIhadgonebackfordaytwo,Iwould havehadtodealwiththeJapanese public,andthelinesandcrowdswould havebeenevenlarger.Cosplayers wouldhavebeenpresent,andIcould havetakentonsofpicturestoshowjust howfanaticaltheJapaneseareabout videogames,butthatsnotevenworth it.Imfairlycertainthatbyactually beingattheshowIhadaccesstofar lessinformationthanthepeoplesurfing thewebathome.Afterall,mostnews sourceswrotetheirTokyoGameShow coverageaheadoftimebasedonthe previewbuildstheydbeenplayingfor weeks;theywerejustwaitingforthe showfloortoopenbeforetheycould postit. Now,safeathome,withtheprepackagedonlinecoverageinfrontofme, IampreparedtoevaluatemyTokyo GameShowcoverage.IfIwereareal videogamejournalistsittingdownto writemyTokyoGameShowreport, Idhavetothinkhard.Whatwerethe wackyJapanesedoing?WhywasmakingtheDead or Alivegirlsdotrickson jetskisandcrashintorocksthemost funIhadthewholeshow?Wasitthe incrediblyrealisticbreastphysics?Was itbecauseitgavemefondmemoriesof Wave Race 64?WasitbecauseDevil May Cry 4onlymademewanttoplay Devil May Cry 3?Onceagain,Imnot arealgamejournalist,soIcanjusttell youthatIhadaterribletimethewhole show. ButIfindmyeyesoftenwanderingto theBlue Dragonmaincharacterfigurine,andIhavehadanepiphany.My lackofthedistinctiveAkiraToriyama youngmanwasjustaruse.Mybadly proportionedMardiGrasrobotwillbe, mustbe,thetrueheroofBlue Dragon. Imsuretheywillsellanexpansionthat letsitcastthedragonshadow.Game companiesarelikethat.
Break time!
2

Youve Won a Prize!

Deplayability By Tim McGowan Silent Hill 4isacerebralgame.You,the player,arestuckinanapartment.You canleaveonlythroughaholeinyour bathroom.Thisholeleadstovarious locationswhichareconnectedtothe memoryofanother.Backandforth youmustgo,todiscoverwhyyouare trappedinyourroom,whythehole leadswhereitdoes,andhowyoucan getout. Thestoryunfoldsinmultipleforms. Withenoughpokingtherearecluesto findaroundtheapartment.Oftenthese taketheformofnotespassedtothe playerthroughvariousslotsorcrevicesfromanunknownentity.Thereare cluestofindinthestages.Combined, thegametellsasurprisinglycoherent story.Andthoughmostofitsenvironmentsandenemiesarenotinnately frightening,thegamebecomesmore threateningasitprogresses. Toappreciatethistakesinvestment. Thegameplayisoftenfrustrating,the interfaceunintuitive,thestorysomewhatforced,thegraphicsafarstep downfromthepreviousgameinthe series,andsoon.Butifonegrantsit someleniency,theresagoodamount ofdetailtoappreciateinthisgame.So itpuzzlesmethatthedeveloperschose torewardtheplayerfordoingtheexact opposite. Ifyouplaythroughthegameon thehardestdifficultysetting,kill150 enemies,collecteverysinglenote,and beatthegameinlessthantwohours withoutsavingordying,youunlocka modeinwhichyoucanplaythroughthe gamewithonlyoneweapon,chosen attheverybeginning.Ifyoumanage theexactsamefeatinthismode,you unlockyetanothermodeinwhichyou canuseallweaponsfromtheverybeginning.Furthermore,youhaveaccess toaninfinitenumberofhealthdrinks andammo.Inotherwords,youarenigh invincible. Yet,thisisaterribletask.Silent Hill 4 isabrokengame.Toearnthisreward youmustdelveintothemostbroken partsofit:theglitches,thefrustrating combat,thenonsensicalmaps,etc. Youhavetoentirelyignorethethoughtfulpartsofthegame.Ifyouwanttobe rewardedwithgame-breakinginvincibility,youhavetoputupwithalotof crap. Maybethatsthepoint.Maybethe designersjustdontwantyoutoget thatreward.ButIcantimaginewhy; avideogameisanexperience,and ifrecentgenerationshavetaughtus anything,itsthatgamemakersusually wantyoutoexperienceeverylastpart oftheirgamesometimestheyeven makeitmandatory. Letsconsideranotherexample:Devil May Cry.Theprincipleissimilar;ifyou wanttoberewardedwithgame-breakinginvincibility,youmustslogthrough
aburdensometask.Inthiscase,you mustbeatthegamethreetimes,each play-throughincreasingindifficulty. Thisgame,however,faresfarbetter thanSilent Hill 4.Thereasonisobvious:Devil May Cryisaboutonlyone thingfightingandtobeatitshardest settingyoumustgetverygoodatthat onething.Itsrewardingbeinggood atagamewithasolidcombatengine. Thepoweryouregrantedafterwardis neat,butyoudontneedit.Youvejust becomeamasterofthegame,afterall. Everythingelseisjustcandy. NowcontrastitwithSilent Hill 2, whichoffersaprizeforcompleting atasksimilartotheonefoundinits seriessequel.Thatis,ifyouplaythe gamequicklyandbrutally,ignoringthe fun-to-readmessagesandexploration, youwillunlockapowerfulweapon.This weapon,however,canpotentiallykill theplayeraswell.Ontopofthat,the gamecanbeplayedinaneasymode withalmostnomonstersanyway.The secretweaponisthereasanafterthought,torewardthosewhowantto playSilent Hill 2likeavideogame.But itssurelynoinvincibility. Yearsago,whendeveloperswanted togivetheplayersomestupid,gamebreakingpower,theydsimplythrow inawell-hiddencheatcode.Nowthey wouldrathertheplayerperformsome mind-blowinglydifficulttask,evenif thattaskdoesntsuititselftothegame inquestion.InOnimusha,thereisa frustratingpot-breakingminigame.In Shadow of the Colossustherearetime trials,inwhicheachbosshasatime limit.InResident Evil 4,thereisthe Mercenariesminigame,whereyou arerewardedforkillinglotsandlotsof enemieswitheverysinglecharacter onmultiplestages.Theendresultis alwaysgame-breaking.Whetheritsa speedrunonhardmodeoranidiotic minigamethatgrantsyouasuperpower,thepunishment-and-rewardsystem
dominatesmoderngamedesign philosophy.Butitdoesnthavetobe thatway. WhatifSilent Hill 4compensated theplayerforbeingextra-attentive? Whatifthegamepresentedarun throughanothercharactersperspectiveuponcompletion?Whatifitoffered aminigameinwhichyouhadtowork yourwaythroughatwistedversionof CandyLand?Perhapsafewplayers wouldntfeelchallengedenough.But thatsafarbetteroutcomethanfrustratingtherestofus. Thetruthisthatpunishmentisoften itsownreward,becauseitbestowsa senseofaccomplishment.Withoutit, theprizeattheendofthetunnelfeels empty.Theentirepointistorewardus withauniqueandhopefullyenjoyable experience,nottomakeusgritour teethatdesignflawswhichkeepus fromfulfillingarbitrarygoalssowecan becomeinvincibleandfinallythumbour noseatallthat. Iftheplayercantfeeltalentedfor jumpingthroughthedesignershoops, perhapsitwouldbebettertoturnto sheercreativity,evenabsurdity.The potentialsizeofvideogameworldsisso enormousitshardnottowonderwhy somuchhasbeenleftuntapped.After all,oncethegameisover,whatsleftto hide?Whynotgoallout,ignorewhats beenestablishedorbetteryet,have funwithit? GivemeSilentHillCandyLand.I deserveaprize.

Youve Won a Prize!

Knee-Deep in Legend
DoomPC (JAG, 2X, PS1, SAT, SNES, DO, N6, GBA, PDA, SDC, NDS, PSP, GP2X, MOB, POD) By J. R. Freeman
Art By Jonathan Kim
Doom islegend.Itistimeless,agame thatwillneverageorbeforgottenas longasthereishardwaretoplayiton, agamefromwhichanentiregenre spawned. Doomisthekidwhointroducedyou topornographythemonsters,blood, andthegunswerethestashhidden underthebedinanold,beat-upcardboardbox.Doom isthekidyougotinto yourfirstfistfightwith,endingchildish daysandusheringinanadulthoodthat youwerentreadyfor.Doom isthefirst girlyoueverhadsexwith. Doom wasadefiningmomentofmy childhood.Istillclearlyrecallplaying itona486,backwhenitwasatopof-the-linecomputer,impressingmy fatherandolderbrotherbyclearingthe firststagewith100%killswhenIwas merelyfiveorsixyearsold. Doom isoneofthemostported videogamesinhistory.Itcanbeplayed officiallyontheAtariJaguar,Sega32X, SonyPlaystaion,SegaSaturn,Super Nintendo,3DO,Nintendo64,Game BoyAdvance,TapwaveZodiac,MicrosoftXbox,andXbox360.Unofficially, fanshaveinvestedtheirowntimeand efforttoportthesourcecodetothe Dreamcast,theDS,thePSP,theGP2X,
andmobilephones.Rightnow,people areplayingDoomoniPods. WhenIwasinjuniorhigh,Iwould hangoutwithmyfriendsinthealleyway spacebetweenthetwomainbuildings, EttaDaleandLucasHall.Afterlunch wedstandaroundandshoottheshit untilitwastimetogobacktoclass.I remembersuggestinghowcoolitwould betohaveaportableDoom,likeon GameBoy,andeveryonesaid,Yeah, thatwouldbeneat,wouldntit?and thenchangethesubject.Onlyacouple yearslater,mydreamcametrue,Doom cametothethen-brand-newGameBoy Advance.IcouldcarryDoom withme whereverIwent. Doomisthequintessentialgame ofthe1990sfast,hard,brutal,fun likeanarcadegameisfun.Ithasjust enoughdepthtokeepyoucoming backformoreabuseatthehandsof angrycyberdemons.Itisliterallya gameaboutallhellbreakingloose,and thatsexactlywhathappenedwhenit cameout,andwhenthemediacaught windofit.Lt.Col.DaveGrossmanof theKillologyResearchGroupdubbed Doom amass-murdersimulator.while religiousgroupsprotestedtheSatanic imagery. Doom wasthegamethatscared theoverlysensitiveintobelievingthat videogamescouldbeusedastraining simulatorsforwould-beserialkillers. Thecontroversywasthereatthebeginningofthedecadewiththegames
release,andagainattheendwhenEric HarrisandDylanKleboldtookgunsand pipebombstoschoolandstartedkilling.EricHarrissDoomWADscanstill bedownloadedandplayedtothisday. IfyouveneverplayedDoomand Ifinditveryhardtobelievethatyou haventhereisthepremise:Hellhas brokenfree,andyourethelastsurvivingmarinewhocanstopit.Youtake whateverweaponsyoucanfindand blastanythingthatgetsinfrontofyou, simpleasthat.Themaincharacter, affectionatelyknownastheDoomguy amongfans,wastheperfectvideogameprotagonistbecausehemirrored theplayersowell;silent,impulsive, andfocusedsolelyonthetaskat handshootingmany,many,manyevil badguys. Doomdidnthavepuzzlesortraps oranythingtoslowyoudowninyour massmurderingotherthanthesetup ofthelevel.Earlylevelsweresmalland simple,introducingyoutotheideaof gettingtherightkey,sothatwhenyou reachedthelater,massivelysprawling levels,youknewwhattodo.Findthe keytoopentothedoor,killwhatson theotherside. Doomwasntaboutthethingsother gameswereabout.Therewerenocoins tocollect,nocratestostackontopof eachother,nostupidjumpingpuzzles. Doom wasaboutliningupthebadguys withyourbarrelandpressingfire,or clearingoutaroomfullofhundredsof enemieswithaBigFuckingGun.
Doom broughtpeopletogetherin awaythatvideogamessimplyhadnt before.Theyconnectedwitheach otherovertheinternettoplaydeathmatchgamesandswaplevelstheyhad designed.Theybuiltanonlinecommunitythatisstillgoingstrong.Nowthat Doom isdownloadableontheXbox 360,newplayersarebeingintroduced tothejoyofco-opoverXboxLive. WhenIdSoftwarecreatedDoom 3afewyearsago,theyturnedDoom intosomethingitclearlywasnot.The originalgamewasneveraboutcheap scaresandheebie-jeebies.Itwasabout findingthebiggestgunoutthereand findingtheexittothelevel.Theoriginal Doomwasaboutquick,easy-to-pickup,unadulterated,childish,dumb, violentfun.Itwasupfrontandtothe point,andwithoutDoomwewouldnt havegameslikeHalf-LifeorSystem Shock,gamesthatrewrotealltherules onwhatcanandshouldbeafirst-personshooter. TheonlythingsthatDoomandDoom 3reallyhaveincommonarethefact thattheybothstartedastechdemos. Buttimehasshownthattheoriginal Doomstandsonitsoen.Italwayshas anditalwayswill,aslongastherean electronicdeviceevenremotelycapableofplayingit. Doomislegend.
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Knee-Deep In Legend
7
Killing Dad and Getting it Right

Shadow HeartsPS2 By Justin Boley Afriendaskedmeawhilebackwhat youdoinJapaneseconsolerole-playinggames.Myreplywas:Youkillgod andsometimesyourdad!Itwasfunny, butitsnotcompletelytrue.Youalso fightmonstersandcollecttreasure. Thenyouexplorenewplacesandkill newmonstersandcollectnewtreasure. Sometimesyoufightaboss,andsometimestheresascriptedcutscene. Butmostlyyouparticipateinthe greatdatabasetendencyofnerds everywherereducingacolorfulworld ofscaryplacestoasetofvariablesthat canbecontrolledwithamemoryexerciseandamenuchoice.Monstersare simplyamatterofidentifyingthemost efficientresponseandretrievingitfrom memory.Storiesareamatterofidentifyingwhateventflagsaretriggeredby conversationchoices. Thecoremechanicsthathave remainedrelativelyunchangedsince thegenresinceptionarentespecially importanttoRPGgamers.Role-playing gameshavebecomeoneofthemost treasuredformsofmediatoJapanese otaku,andassuch,theireconomic viabilityhascometodependlesson mechanicsandmoreontheirabilityto respondtothepsychologicalneedsof theirentrenched,dedicatedfanbase. Mostgamesaccomplishthiswitha carefulmixtureofdeliberatelyvague andblindinglyobviousanalogies.Evil empiresestablishthenecessaryfeeling ofconflictwithmainstreamsociety. Demonizedpriestsandgodssatisfythe needforavillainousfatherfigure,leadinguptothenowthoroughlyclichd battleinwhichthemaincharacter,filled withasortofgeneralizedchronicangst, killsgod,andsometimeshisdad.What makesShadow Heartsstandoutina hugeherdofsimilargamesistheamazingculturalspecificitywithwhichit repeatsthatlastclich. Yuri,Shadow Heartssprotagonist, isscaredofhisfather.Gameplay-wise thisisbecausehisfathersghostwill showupandbeatthetaroutofhimif hedoesntplayright;character-wise, itsbecausehisdadrepresentseverythinghecantliveupto.Yurisfather isastern,silentfigure,whofightswith karatetoprotecthisfamilyandhonor thedirectivesofhismilitarysuperiors. EventhoughYuriisarchetypal,hes nottheJapanesemaleleadofthe pasthesmoodyandunstable,hes awkwardaroundwomen,hesrough aroundtheedgeswherehisfatheris blockprint.AnddespitebeingJapanese,hehasnoconnectiontohisculture.ThisisntanythingunusualRPG heroesarebrooding,culturallyneutral pretty-boysalmostasarulebutby juxtaposinghimagainstafatherfigure whoembodiessomanyoftheidealsofJapanesemasculinity,Shadow Heartsthrowsthedifferencesbetween yesterdaysmaleidealandtodays otakueverymanintohorrifyingrelief.
InYuriandhisfather,otakuseehow fartheyhavestrayedfromthesocial boundariessetforthemasmen.The constantthreatofGameOverinYuris fatherisasymbolofthefearthat driveotakutolivetheirlivesingames andpornandmessageboardsthe unshakablebeliefthat,evenwithinthe comfortingenvironmentofanRPG, theydhavenohopeofemotional survivalifthenextrandomencounter wastheirdad.Inagenrewhichis,even morethanothers,aboutafeelingof empowerment,thefactthatthehero canbekilleddeadbyhisfatherat anypoint,regardlessofhowmuchhe levelsuporhowgoodhisequipmentis, speakstohowdebilitatingandfrighteningthefatherfigureis. Buthiddeninthesubtext,andina long,convolutedsidequest,isthehope forreconciliation.Yuricanconfront hisfather,andbydefeatinghim,gain hisapproval.Thissequenceisaccompaniedbyeverytypeofcatharsisthe writerscouldgettheirhandson.By conqueringhisfather,Yurisaveshis girlfriend,recovershissanity,escapes fromhiscurse,andbecomesalmost unstoppable.Althoughtheclimaxofthe gamedealsouttheusualRPGthemes ofself-affirmationandapprovalfrom others,itsthere.Concealedbehindthe mainstory,wherenoonewithoutaccesstoawalkthrough,determination, andboundlessfreetimetocomplete thesidequestswillseeitthatis, concealedevenfurtherinthedepthsof otakuculturalritualthefrightenedand desperatewhomYurirepresentscan finallybeatthestrongest. Onesequellater,theresolution betweenYuriandhisfatherbecame analternateendingthatneverhappenedaccordingtogamecanon.Thus thedangerofdepictingaherowhos alreadyatpeacewithhimselfwas evaded,andplayerscouldrelivethecatharsisagain,orforthefirsttime.One
moresequellater,inaflailing,panicked flightevenfurtherawayfrommanhood andJapan,YuriwasreplacedbyapreadolescentAmericanboywithagiant cowlick.ThisshouldcomeasnosurprisetoanyonefamiliarwithJapanese RPGs.Thesegamesareantennasthat pickupthefearsofJapaneseotaku, garbledbytheconstantradioactive bombardmentofmediasignalsfrom acrossthePacific.Thesubconsciousof aboytooscaredtoleavehisroomisa frightened,muddledmessevenwithout allthatdistanceandinterference.Itstill comesasasurprise,though,how,for justabriefmomentinonegame,we gotacrystal-clearsignalofaboylookingthesymbolofallhisfearsstraightin theeye,anddreamingofwinning.
8
Killing Dad and Getting it Right

The Sound of Horns and Motors

Fallout and Fallout 2DOS, WIN, MAC By M. OConnor Theendoftheworldthefinaleforall thatis,was,andshallbeisauniversal humantheme.Itshowsupinreligious andsecularculturesandappearsin anarrayofmaterialisticandmystical guises.Decay,deathanddestruction arethehallmarksofanyeschaton, regardlessoftheculture.1Thisultimate destinyofallthingsisgenerallynegative,thoughitisoftenfollowedbya beautifulageofunendingpeaceand goodness,typicallyinaspiritualorotherwisenoncorporealstatethefragile bodyleftbehindinthefallenworldof fleshandpain. Oneobviousinterpretationofthis themeisthateverythinglivingeventuallydies;aslightvariationistheideathat culturescan,insomesense,foresee theirowndemise.Theirapocalypseisa mythicaltellingoftheendoftheirway oflifeandoftheirsenseofapeople (asofanationortribeorreligiouscommunity).Takingthemliterallyseems tobeamistakeRagnarokdidnt claimtheVikings,andtheJehovahs Witnesseshavebeenwrongafew timesnowbutthisshouldntbetaken asevidencethatbeliefinanendto materialexistenceissolelyareligious delusion.2 Moderneschatologicalthemesexist inthepublicdiscussionsofdisparate topics:globalwarming;theWaron Terror;revolutionarypoliticalgroups; andtheworksofEuropeantraditionalistwriterslikeJuliusEvola,Oswald Spengler,andJacquesBarzun.They arealsocommoninthesocialcriticisms ofgaymarriage,materialism,corporations,consumerism,andimmigration; fearsandworriesareloadedintoterms likethegayagendaorthereligious right. Theresalsothe2012mythology,popularinaratherwidevariety ofpeopleexpectinganewAgeof Aquariusoratechnologicalsingularity orperhapseventheself-transforming machineelvesofTerrenceMcKenna, whoalongwithhisbrotherhelped hatchthisparticularlyrobustmeme. Itspiggybackedonalooppointinthe incrediblydetailedlongcountMayan calendarthatwillhappenonDecember 21st,2012.TheMcKennabrothersessentiallypickedthisdateaftertryingout othercombinations,sincetheactual longcountdoesntloopuntilabout 2700yearsfromnow.3 Wecontinuetoexistdespitethese obsessionsandmanias.Persistence isall. TheendinInterplaysFalloutcomes withabang,aclassicthemeliftedin equalpartsfromthe1950sand1980s Americanunderstandingsofwhat nuclearpowermeanttotheworld:giant mushroomclouds.Thebastardsreally wentthroughwithitinthisparticular universeandhumanculturallifehad
toberecreatedfromthegroundup. Thereiswarfare,drugabuse,rape,and slavery;lifeischeap,ineverysenseof theword.Theendoftheworldisyour playground. Thewinkingnostalgiaintheartand designissimilartothatverystrange AmericanaonefindsinaProperNounigansrestaurant.Theyvaguelyreekof thebeginningofthe20thcentury.The dcorisasmatteringofsmall-town college-footballboosterclubparaphernalia,daubedwithotherdisplays ofTeddyRooseveltesquemanliness andadventure.Yetthecustomersin theseestablishmentsaregenerallynot oldenoughtoactuallyrecognizethese culturalartifacts,muchlesshavean emotionalresponsebasedondirect experience. Falloutplayersareinasimilarboat, feelingaconnectionwithmotifsthey neveractuallyencountered.Notmany folksunderfortyrememberbombshelterdrills;veryfewunderfiftywould haveseengenuineColdWarduck-andcoveraction.Butthefeelingsarethere. ThebulkofFalloutsaudiencegrewup inthelate70sandearly80s,aperiod thatsawtheresurgenceofclassic megastateantagonismandhadplenty
ofparanoiaforeveryone. Butthebitworkswellenoughto drawfolksin,partlybylaughingatsuch obviouspropagandaattempts,and partlybecausethenotionthatsome kindofapocalypseisdrawingnear(or will,eventually)hasneverleftus.The Falloutseriesshowsaworldinwhichall thegoofyliesaboutscamperingunder deskstoavoidnuclearannihilationwas worthless;noneoftheColdWarriors foresawgiantscorpions(occasionally intellectuallyandspirituallybeautiful) asafuturetrendtowatchoutfor.All thescience,allthedecadesofpoliticalgrandstanding,alltheproxywars werehopelesslytryingtostaveoffthe inevitable. FalloutanditssequelFallout 2(for thesakeofbrevity,weshallpretend thatthesetwoconstitutetheentire series)illustratetheproblemofcreating coherentgameworldswithinanykind ofvaguelyhumansetting.Historical ornot,thereisonlysofaradesigner cangoandstillhaveagame,rather thanaseriesoftragediesdisguisedas errormessages.Thenexttimeyoure rollinganewcharacterinamedieval fantasyworld,considerthehighinfant mortalityratesinpre-industrialcultures,
1 schatonisderivedfromtheGreekwordforlastandfromeschatology,thestudyoftheendof E theworld. 2 avitriDeviMukherji,aFrenchconverttoHinduismandanimportantthinker(sotospeak)in S neo-NaziliteratureandwhatsomewritershavecalledesotericHitlerismacontinuationofthe cultofpersonalityritualswhichhadsprungupinGermanyduringWorldWarII.Sheenvisioned HitlerasthefinalAvatarofVishnuintheKaliYuga,theAgeofDarkness,orthefinalageofthe worldbeforethecomingSatyaYuga.Vishnuwillarriveasagreatdestroyer,namedKalki,who willcleansetheearthofevil.SupposedlyHitlerwasthisgreatcleansingforce,andforneo-Nazis signalsthebeginningofanewAryanage. Dependingonwhosedivinemathematicsyouthinkismorereliable,theKaliYugahaseither endedornotyetbegun,andmaylast2,400years,32,000yearsor432,000years(thetraditional figuringofthelengthofeachofthefouragesofexistence,whichendlesslyrepeatfollowingthe endoftheKaliYugaandthestartoftheSatyaYuga,agreatparadisewheregodsandmenwork inharmony,righteousnessreignsandeverythingistotallyrawkin. 3 ormoreinformation,pleaseconsultA Forest of KingsbyLindaScheleandDavidFreidel,which F containshandyillustrationsandanin-depthaccountofhowthevariousMayancalendarsand almanacswereconstructedandconsulted.
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andbethankfulyoudonthavetodeal withgame-overmessagespoppingup minuteslatertosay,Youhavediedof smallpoxattheageofthree.Pleaseroll again. PlayingFalloutasitfalls,accepting theconstantbarrageofcruelfate,is thematicallyappropriatetoadegree, butatsomepointyoumightactually wanttoseehowthingsturnoutsans disasters.Deathisarun-of-the-mill occurrence,evenasyouapproachthe endofeachgamewithsharpenedabilitiesandbigguns.Yourcompanionsdie withdepressingregularity(donttrust anyofthemwithaburst-fireweapon, bytheway).Ifyouplaythegame withoutspammingthesavebuttonand reloadingateverymisfortune,theres agoodchanceyoullwindupwithno allies. Thatsthekindofexperienceone wouldexpectinahorribleplaceand aterribletime.Itsespeciallyanxious whendealingwiththelongturn-based combatsequences,asyouhaveno directcontroloveranyonebutyour owncharacter.Butcoincidentalrealismiscoldcomfortwhenyourebeing accidentallyshotinthebackbyone ofyourtrustyfriends.(Itturnsinto warmhilarity,however,whenthose friendsorrandomchildrengeta tastethemselves,aspunishmentfor
realorimaginedassaults.Youcanalso sellyouralliesintoslaveryiftheyget toopushy.) Bothgamesareaboutcults,literalor figurative,withtheirownplansforthe endoftheworldandthebeginningof thenext.Bothareundonewithacombinationofviolenceandtrickery.The firstFallouthasabettersetup,inthat manyofthecluesabouttheMaster areappropriatelydeliveredbyfawningcultistswhohavenoideaofthe scopeofthecomingapocalypse.The Unityisatypicalcollectivistnightmare craftedbyamutantblobthatfigures ifyoucantbeatem,mutateem(and consumeemwhenemdontturnout right).TheplanistousetheForced EvolutionaryVirus(FEV)tocreatean armyofminiatureIncredibleHulksand bringaboutworldpeace.Ofcourse,the player,intheguiseoftheVaultDweller, putsanendtothesehappyutopian dreamsofsamenesssquared. Fallout 2twiststhethemeabityou cantelltheendwasrushedbythe timeyougetthereintoaconspiracy thrillerthatsreallyanotherexerciseof religiousfanaticism.Theremnantsof theUSshadowgovernmenthavebecomeakookymilitaryorderknownas theEnclave,whichfiguresyoucannot makethenovus ordo seclorumwithout breakingsomeeggs(i.e.,alllifeon earth).SotheFEVgetsa2.0revision usingacombinationofcoldscience, liveslavelabor,andtasty,tastyracism. Afterthemassslaughterofeveryone else,theEnclavewillrepopulatethe earthwiththeirnon-contaminated genes.Dependingonhowfaryoudig intothebackstorysurroundingthe Falloutuniverse(orsimplydigaround inFallout 2),itappearslikelytheVaults projectwasentirelyengineeredbya gangofpoliticalrealists(readsadists) fortheirownStrangelove-relatedsexual shenanigans. Yetallthesegrandplansareun-
donebytheworkofyourcharacter, apresumablyunsuspectingmessiah. TosomeextentallRPGplayercharactersaresaviorsofsomeworldorder anddestroyersofothers,otherwise peoplewouldntbotherputtingup withcumbersomeplaymechanicsand turn-basedmania.Andbothvillainsare, despitetheirbloodlust,notentirelyunreasonable.TheMasterlackssomeimportantdata,butisdrivenbycompassionofakind.TheEnclavehasplenty ofinformationandutterlynoremorse, butiscompelledforsomethingthatcan beconstruedasagreatergood.Politics attheendoftheworldiscertainlyno timeforsaintsorBoyScouts,anymore thanourowntime. Insomewaysitisdisappointingthat noapparentstrandsofanyofthemajor worldreligionssurviveintotheFallout era(outsideofathinlyveiledburlesque ofScientology4)because,astheseries shows,theresalotoffuntobehad playingwhatif?withbitsofhuman culture.WhathappenstoChristianity(andJudaismandIslam)whenthe endcomesandthosewhoareleft mustendurethepressurecookerofa decadesinisolation?5Wouldwefind resurgentmessianicspiritsbattling eachotherupontheirreleasefromthe vaults,orwouldtheframeworkturn deeplyindividualisticfromthelackof alargercommunity?Wouldsectar-
iandivisionsstillmatter?Perhapsthe religiousimpulseasweknowitwould dieoutsimplyfrombeingtrappedin aself-containedmarvelofscience withasmallgroupofjumpsuit-attired busybodies,andsomeothermeans ofprovidingmeaningandcontrollingpopulationgrowththroughrituals andrulesconcerningsexualrelations wouldbeimplemented.6 InFallout 2thelegendoftheVault Dwellerhasswelledfromrumorand fantasyandeventsfromthefirst gamethatmayormaynothavebeen experiencedbytheplayer.Despite thecarnage,suffering,anddespotism (despiteevenalivelyslavetrade),some stillhaveayearningformessiahsto saveanddestroytheworld.
4 AndScientologycanburlesqueitselfquitewellwithoutanyoutsidehelp,thankyouverymuch. 5 upposedlythisthemewasgoingtobecentraltotheplannedversionofFallout3,beforeInterS playmetitsownapocalypticend.WhatBethesdawilldowiththefranchiseremainstobeseen. 6 houghtheMalthusiancurrentthatssopopulartoday(Shortversion:toomanypeople/were T allgoingtodie)hasbeenshowntobedeadwrongwhensobroadlyapplied,inaclosedsystem likeanundergroundvaulttheresaverysimplelackofsquarefootagetoconsider.Obviouslya wholemessofpre-and-post-natalinfanticideunderpinnedvaultlife,unlessthebirthcontrolwas realprimostuff.Thisisavoidingthelargerquestionofsexualpoliticsinthevault,thoughitseems likelythatautocraticelitismalaVault13wastherule,ratherthantheexception.Theydidntcall themoverseerfornothing.Furthermore,theresanargumenttobemadethatthesefolkswere inonthegrandexperimentthatwasthetruepurposebehindtheVaults.Visithttp://falloutvault. comformoreinformationonthesubjectandallothersrelatedtotheFalloutuniversethanyou couldpossiblyhopefor.
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The Punch Line

Rule of RosePS2 By Ancil Anthropy
Art By Mariel Cartwright
Shuji Ishikawa walks into Yuya Takayamas office. I have an amazing idea for a survival-horror game. You should publish it. Yuya Takayama says, Sorry, I dont publish survival-horror games. Theyre a little too cliche. Ishikawa says, bowing, Sir, if you just hear my idea, I know you would want to publish it. Takayama says, Okay, okay. Tell me. Ishikawa swings over a chair and mounts it backwards, leaning over it as he talks. Picture this, he says. A young girl is captured by a band of sadistic orphans. They give her books, hand-drawn books, full of pictures of goats being slaughtered and mermaids being hooked. They make her act them out. We give her a dog, see, and the dog helps her find things, so she cant do anything by herself. She finds the things the orphans tell her, and then they spit on her, they beat her and tie her up, they hold dead rats to her face and cover her in insects. They make her fight shrivelled monster children with pigs heads and giant scissors. She can barely fight, of course. And theres a headmaster who canes her and a man who keeps children locked in his basement. The girl comes to accept that the
only person she can rely on is her dog. She becomes completely dependent on him. And then, at the games climax, he pauses on the word climax and leans over the chair, his face sweaty and his eyes shining, we kill the dog. For the longest time, Takayama just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, Thats a hell of a game. What do you call it? And grinning, Ishikawa says, The Aristocrats!
Thegame,developedbyIshikawas aptlynamedPunchlinestudio,isactuallycalledRule of Rose.Thedescriptionmaynotbeentirelyaccurate; afterplayingthroughthegameand readingthroughthescript,Istillhave noideawhatthegamesplotis.But thechildrenwhotormentthegames protagonistwhoisnamedJennifer, butwhothegamesnarratorcallsthe unluckygirldocallthemselvesThe RedCrayonAristocrats.Theyhavea hierarchy,yousee,andJenniferisat thebottomofit.Thereforeshemustdo theirbidding. Theirbiddingisfetchquests(and appropriately,Jenniferenlistsadogto help).Findabeautifulbutterfly.My rabbitranaway.Bringhimback.The characters,usuallyoff-handedly,toss Jenniferaclue,andsheshowsittoher dog,Brown.ThenshefollowsBrown
tothenextclue,clumsilyevadingany enemieswhomayappearor,whenshe isforcedto,clumsilyfightingthem. TheclueseventuallyleadJenniferto thebeautifulbutterflyorrabbit,andshe takesitbacktotheAristocrats.They tellheritsnotgoodenough,berate herforcompletinghertasktooslowly, ascribehervictorytosomeoneelse,or blameherforsomethingshedidntdo. Thentheypunishher.Andthenanew chapterstarts. Thegameisanexerciseintedium. Thefirstfewhoursarespentgroping; youmashtheXbutton,hopingtofind adooryoucantseeinthedarkness. OnceyoufindBrown,thegamebecomesvapidlystraightforward,asking youonlytosquintatthescreen,sit throughthelongloadtimes,andoccasionallyfightrejectsfromSilent Hill. Combatisnotonlyintentionallycrippledbutalsoshamelesslybuggyenemieswillhityouwhenyourenowhere nearthem,andyoulldiebecausethe gameismiserlywithhealingitems. Then,becausethegameisevenstingierwithitssavepoints,youllrepeat thewholepasthourofthegame,sitting againthroughthelongloadtimesand unskippabledialogue. Youregivennorewardfordoingthis, otherthanaluridcutsceneandmoreof thesame.Youkeepplayingbecause yougetsatisfactionoutofwithstandingeverythingthegamesubjectsyou toThankyouMaam,mayIplease haveanother?Youplaybecausethe gameiscruelandyoulikeit. Thegamedemandssomethingrather personalfromyouitasksyoutosubmit.Attheopeningofthefirstchapter, Jenniferistoldshesbeenabadgirl. Andbadgirlsneedtobepunished, dontthey?Youarepromptedtorespondbyselectingyesorno. Thescenewillcarryonregardless ofyourpick;thegamewilltellyou,Ill betheonegivingtheordersaround
The Punch Line
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here,okay?Jenniferhasalreadymade herchoice,musteternallysubmitto theAristocratsdemandsandpejorativesandpunishmentswithscarcely aprotest.Whetheryou,theplayer, choosetosubmittothegamestasks andobjectivesandconstantcruelties wontbedecidedbyansweringno. Whenyoupressthatbutton,yourejust playingalongwiththescene,givingthe gametheokaytocontinue. Rule of Rosebrilliantlyilluminatesthe rolesofTopandbottominherent inallgamingandthechoiceswemake toenterthoseroles.Thoughitismost obvioushere,withthecruelchildren spittingonJenniferassheobeystheir demands,theTop/bottomdynamicis intrinsictoalldemandinggames. Ienjoyplayingshooters,someof themostbrutal,punishinggamesin existence.ButwhenIescapeasituationthathadhithertoseemedimpossible,thereisasensethatthegameis proudofmeforenduring,forlearning, forrisingtomeetitsdemandsandimprovingmyself.Evenifthegamesays nothing,ifmyonlyhintisthetwinkle initseye,Ifeeltherespect.Andthen thewickedgrinasitlaysanother,more difficultsceneuponme.Imaystruggle, Imaysurmount,butwethegameand myselfwillpushmylimitsfurther.
Asagame,Rule of Rose isamess; asaTop,itlearnedallitsmeagertricks frombad80spulpflicksitdoesnt thinktoaskyourlimits,doesntcheck tomakesuretheropeisntcuttingoff yourbloodflow,doesntkeepabox ofemergencysuppliesonhand,really doesntthinkofyouatall.Itsthekind ofTopexperiencedplayersstayaway from. Theonethingitdoesisrespect thesafeword.Thebuttonsonyour controller,bothyesandno,will neverchangethesceneorthegame. Buttheresanotherbuttonwithanother responseitglowsgreenonyour console,alwayswithinreach.Iftheres onethingyoucanlearnfromaTopor gamelikethis,itsthatthechoiceto keepplayingiswhollyyours.Maybe thatsthepunchline.
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The Punch Line
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Untold Tales of the Arcade

Killing Dragons Has Never Been So Much Fun! By Francesco-Alessio Ursini Ihaveplayedalotofgreatgamesin mylife,andachunkhavebeensetin fabulousimaginaryworldsofmightand magic.Demons,wizards,andcreatures oflightanddarknesswerethevictims ofmyarcadeviolence;Ispentcountlesshoursdestroyingeverysingle supernaturalcreaturethatdaredshow uponmyquesttosavetheprincess. SometimesIneededtoquestaroundto saveakingdom,whileothertimesIhad tofightwiththepoor,discriminatedagainstmagicalbeings,whowanted nothingmorethanapeacefullifeof destructionandrampage. Ihaveplayedmanyarcadegames setinfantasyworlds,mostofthem sportingcheesyanddelightfulplots andfascinatingsettings.Inthethird andfinalinstallmentofthisUntold Talesminiseries,Illcovermoreexotic quests.Ihaveenjoyedtheincredible pilgrimagesandmagicwarsofElta, helpinghimtobecometheMagician Lord;Ihaveroamedatlengthintherich andintriguingworldofDungeon Magic; andIhavefoughtcountlessdragonsin thetwoD&Dtitlessetintheclassical worldofMystara.Alltheseadventures arenarratedhereagain,withthegloriouspurposeofreminiscingaboutthe pastepicsofthearcadeexperience. Letsmakehastetothefinalpartof ourquest!
Elta and the Magic WarsThe Lord of All Magicians
Magician Lordisoneofthefirstgames thatappearedontheNeo-Geoin1990. TheNeo-Geohardwarebecamethe targetofthecollection-obsessedduring the90s,thankstotheinsaneprices ofthecarts.Itsinitialnature,though, wasmorearcade-oriented.Idoubtthat allearlyNeo-Geotitlesweremeant forthearcademarket,1butgameslike Magician Lordprovidedagreatarcade experience. ItisthequestofthewarlockEltaand hisperilsagainstthelordoftheunderworld.2Allhisadventurestakeplace inevocativesettingsandareblessed byentrancingmusic,creatingasense ofwonderandarcanemystery.When Iwasakid,thisgamebewitchedme withitsenvironments;Irememberbeingenthralledbythebigmoonsinthe backgroundofstage2andtheLovecraftianambienceofstages6and8 thatsummonedthebizarrelandscapes ofKadathandRlyeh.This,however,is justoneaspectofthegamesappeal. Magician Lordisbasicallyaplatforming/adventuregame.Eltacan jump,shootmagicbeams,andpickup shape-shiftingcrystals.Collectingtwo
crystalswilltriggerametamorphosis, whichisbasedonthecombinationof twoelements(blueforwater,redfor fire,andgreenforair).3Asidefromthe abilitytotransformintoaninjaora samurai,Eltacanalsoroamaroundthe worldsandbeatupmagiccreatures whilediscoveringnewrooms.Inshort, thegameplayisquitestraightforward, andactuallyabitstiff,withanumber ofcheapaspectslikeEltahimself(who canbeprettyannoyingtocontrol),hits thatcomefromnowhere,andunbalancedenemiesandbosses. Butthesenseofothernesswas thestrongestelementinthegames charm.Allbossesaregothiccreatures ofdoom,someofthemperfectlyinline withtheGreatOldOnesdescriptions. Theseventhbossisaperfectrendition ofNyarlathotep,thegodwithatentacle inplaceofhisface,theheraldofChaos andtheGreatOldOnesagent.4Other creatureshaunttheincredibleworldsof cloudstowhichEltaistransportedto banishevilandregenerateEarth,andall ofthemshareadesignmadeofimpossibleshapesandlabyrinthineroutes. Onepeculiaraspectofthisgame thathasalwaysfascinatedmeisits closeresemblancetoLovecrafts Dreamlands.IwasafondplayerofCall of Cthulhu,andIhonestlyadoredthe Dreamlandsettings.Actually,Irememberthinkingthatmostenemiesinthis gamewereinspiredbyLovecrafts
nightmares.Theonlydeviationfromthe classicLovecraftMythosisthatEltais notapoormandriventomadnessby horror,butapowerfulwarlockbentto defeatgodsandbringpeacebackto hisland. WhileIwasplayingMagician Lord, Iwasreadingclassictalesfromthe Mythos,andIoftenimaginedwhat thosestorieswouldbelikeif,instead ofthewhiny,reactionaryalteregosof Lovecraft,themaincharacterswere thearcane,shape-shiftingmagician.I thoughtofEltaassomesortofOuter Onespriesthisgoalsonlysuperficiallylinkedtotheusualgetridof thedemonssecretlyfightingfora muchhighercause(likeinnerenlightenment,Nodensstriumph,orotherzany things).Today,Icanonlyfrownorlaugh abitatmysillinessofyesteryear,butI amstillfascinatedbythelaconiccharm ofMagician Lord. Idontremembercompletingthe gameononecredit,butIhadacouple offriendswhocoulddoit.Iwasfrustratedaftertryingmanytimestoreach thelaterstages,somethingrather difficulttodowithoutlearningallthe cheaptrickstoavoidgettinghitand losingpowerlevels.Theadvantageof mydisenchantmentisthatIspentpart ofmytimewatchingthesetwofriends playing,andIcouldappreciatetheaestheticsofthegamewithouthavingto punchthecabbecauseofthepeculiar
1 omeofthemaretoolongortooexpensivetobeplayedinthisway,likeCrossed Swordsor S Riding Hero. 2 warlockisaconjurerorevenademonsummoner.Eltaisagoodguywhousesshape-shifting A powers,soheswitchyandambiguousinhisappearanceandmethods,definitelypartofhis charm. 3 o earth: Elta doesnt like heavy things! Besides that, Im not sure that the gems actually are asN Noearth:Eltadoesntlikeheavythings!Besidesthat,ImnotsurethatthegemsactuallyareassociatedtotheclassicAristotelianelements. 4 ctually, Nyarlathothep has three legs and it is described as gigantic in its monstrous form. I A Actually,Nyarlathothephasthreelegsanditisdescribedasgiganticinitsmonstrousform.I doubtthatagiganticbosscouldhavebeenagoodchoiceforthegame,though(hewouldnt havefitthescreen).
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gameplay.Thefascinatingaspects, thankstothismorepassiveattitude, quicklytookprecedence.Everyplay wasajourneyintotheinfinitewonders ofGalAgeise,thenetherworldinwhich thesaturninebossawaitshisfinaldefeatatthehandsofElta. YearshavepassedandIcanonly recoverthesenseofMagician Lords wonderwiththealmightypowerof MAME,unlessIwanttoforkoutafortunetobuyaNeo-GeoplusaMagician Lordcart.Iprefertobeafilthypirate andrevisittheworldsofmyyouth withoutspendingapenny.IamstillfascinatedwiththeperilsoftheyoungmagicianElta,eventhoughtryingtodeal withoddjumpsviaalaptopkeyboard causesmestress.Thegiganticmoons andtheendlesscloudworldsarestillas evocativeastheywereyearsago,andI fallquicklyintoOtherness.
A Tale of Isometric QuestsThe Magic of Dungeons

Dungeon Magic(orLightbringer,its Japanesename),isaratherinterest-
inggame.First,itusesanisometric perspective.Second,thedungeonsare prettyelaborate,andeachleveloffers manydifferentchoicesofpossible pathstoreachtheboss.Somepaths arebetterthanothersastheyleadto morespecialitemsorrewardingevents. Atthesametime,theyrealsomore difficult,sothereisabalancebetween advantagesandhandicaps.Levelsare bigandcomplex,withalotofdifferent enemies,allbasedonthetraditional D&Dmilieu.Bossesaretough,andthe keytoeachislearninghowtodestroy theminthequickestwaypossible. Atfirstglance,itseemslikearather straightforwardaction/beat-em-up game,withtheperspectiveitsonly intriguingaspect.Andwhenwerememberthatthefirstgametodofantasy inanisometricperspectivewasDark Seal,5anypossibleclaimofinnovation andoriginalitygoesoutofthewindow. ButthecharmofDungeon Magic lies intheoverallmixofingredients;Taito decidedtoputtogetheranumberof elementsalreadypresentinmanyother titlesandrefinethemtoanewlevelof class,inperfectTaitostyle.6
Thefightingsystemisalsopretty good,ascharacterscandointeresting combos,chargeattacks,andspells. Allfourdungeonsareprettybig,and ittakessometimeandmanyplaysto discoveralloftheirintricatedetails.The routesthroughthemarebynomeans easytodissecteachofthethreeor fourpossibleroutesgrantsenough benefitsandhandicapsforfuture stagestobeconsideredanacceptable choice.Unlikemanysimilargames, thepossibilitiesarereallyopen-ended. Allthatmattersisdevisingtheright strategy. Asidefromtheintricategameplay, Dungeon Magichasanumberof interestingfeatures.Theplothidesan intriguinganticlimacticending(which Iwontreveal)andalotofnarrative twistsbasedonthestructureofthe game.Ithasadelicateandelegant orchestralscore,somethingveryrare inarcadevideogames.Theanimation isrich,withbosseslikethegiantsnake movingaroundthescreeninsuperb detail.Thereareavarietyofenemies, allofferinganicechallenge,andmany possibleoptionsforfighting. IrememberthatmyfriendsandI spentalotoftimetryingeachcombinationandpathinDungeon Magic.We sharedourknowledgeviadiariesand notes;weevenstartedtoorganizeour livestospendmoretimeonthegame. LongbeforeMMORPGs,giantcampaigns,andothercampyideasbecame trendy,wespentourtimeinagiant campaignfortheconquestofthisworld MuchlikeEltasadventures,this gamehadaweirdsynchronicitywith
thefantasybooksIwasreadingatthat time.Inthisspecificcase,Icouldnt avoidassociatingDungeon Magics moodandstyletotheElricofMelnibonsagaanditsmelancholicmood. Dungeon Magiclacksthedepressing endingofElricssaga,butitshares thelightsadness,peril,anddifficult choices.Afterall,killinganinnocent whowastransformedintoagiant, loathsomespiderissomethingthat couldhavehappenedintheMichael Moorcocknovels. Dungeon Magicbecame,then, asortofnaturalprogressionofthe Rastanseries.7Notonlybecausethey sharedthesamegloriousproducer, butalsobecausebothrepresentedan often-ignoredaspectoffantasy:the senseofoppressivefate,thestruggle againstpredestination,theinevitable impossibilityofahappyendingwhena groupofheroesfightsagainstominous creatures. Afteralltheseyears,Dungeon Magicstillstrikesmeasanoriginal andmelancholictitle.Originalbecauseitintroducedmanyintricacies toanotherwisedrabsub-genrewhile remainingarcadeyenoughtoattract me.Melancholicbecauseithasso manysubtleelementsthatavoidedthe clichsofcrappyfantasyplotsinfavor ofadarker,andsomehowmorehuman, narrative.Nofearlessknightsinshiny armor,nosappyendings,nomiraculousfeatsthatsavealltheinnocent people.Unlesswewanttobuyinto childishblack-and-whitesettings,no onecanconquereverything.
5 SeeUntoldTalesoftheArcadeinTGQ#7,thesecondinstallmentofthetrilogy. 6 ThereaderwonderingifImabitofaTaitopartisanis,asalways,right. 7 hichItalkedaboutinbothofthepreviousinstallmentsofthistrilogy:UntoldTalesofthe W ArcadeinTGQ#6and#7.
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Kicking Undead Creatures and Red Dragons AroundThe D&D Videogames
Ithinkthateveryonethatcanbelabeled asanerdhas,atleastonce,played Dungeons & Dragons.ButD&D andits biggerbrother,Advanced Dungeons & Dragons,neverattractedmealot.As tabletoprole-playinggames,theywere toocheesy,eveninamediumthat,by definition,wascheeseatitscheesiest. Butthetwoarcadetitlesinspiredby thisseriesremoveagoodamountof cheese,leavingagoodmixofsidescrollingbeat-em-upgameplay,followingtheexampleoftheirpredecessor, Dungeon Magic.Ofcourse,Taitos gamewaspublishedonlyacoupleof monthsearlier,soImexaggerating tosaythatDungeon Magicinspired Dungeons & Dragons: Tower of Doom (thefirstCapcomstwoD&Dgames). Butbothgamesdosharethesame basicidea:differentpaths,eachwith advantagesandpenalties,plusagood rosterofcharacters. Tower of Doomisnotasdeepas Dungeon Magic,butisnonethelessa greatgame.Stagesaresimple:choose apath,findsecretdoorsandmagical items,foolaroundtryingtofindouthow toopenthosedamndoorsonthelast stage,discoverthecheapesttricksto beatthebosses(includingtheinsanely difficultreddragononstage6).Allthe clichsonewouldexpecttofindinan RPG,allwithintheclassicsettingof D&Dspecifically,theprincipalityof Glantri,aworldthatharboredmyfirst experimentsasaDungeonMaster. Towerhasatraditionalplot:monstersstartattackinghumansen masse andcoolheroesfullofnobleintentions andaltruistictendencies8beattheshit outofthosepoor,innocentmonsters. Crueltyensues,andamassslaughter
ofdemi-humansbecomesunavoidable. Ofcourse,themastermindbehindall theseattackswouldhavetobeanundeadcreature,namelythelichDeimos (namedaftertheGreekgodofterror).In short,theplotistheusualD&Dadventurethateveryoneofushasplayedat leastadozentimes. Whatmakesthegamegreatis itsD&D setting.Backin1994,Iwas alreadytiredofD&D;myRPGofchoice wasthemuchdarkerStormbringer, whichhadjustbeenrevisedasElric! However,Icheeredatthesightofa videogamesetentirelyinthelandsof Mystara,oneofthefirstfantasysettingsIhadthepleasuretoexplorein anRPG.Eveniftherenditionsofmost ofthecharactersandmonsterswere notsoaccurate(everyenemyexcept forthereddragonlookeddifferentfrom mymentalimages9),theoverallD&D feelingcheesygenericfantasywas perfectlytranslated. Atthesametime,Ilikedthegameplay,especiallywiththeelfandcleric. Bothhadacoolabilitytolaunchspells anduseweaponstogether,and comboingmagicmissileswithfourhitswordslashesalwaysmademe smile.Itsashamethatthetabletop gamewassoboringandlinear:Gary Gygax,theauthorofD&D,should havedesignedsomethingmorelike aside-scrollingbeat-em-up,orat leastheshouldhaveusedalessstatic approachtofighting!10Asidefromthe campyideaofelvescomboingtrolls, thecoreenginewasfairlyseriousin faithfullyreproducingthehackenemy, findtreasure,proceedtonextsection dynamicofD&D. Ofcourse,anarcadevideogame doesntplaylikeaturn-basedRPG. Consequently,beatingtheshitoutof ogresisamorepleasurableandfaster experience,especiallywhenyoucan jump,charge,landstunninghits,and whatnot.NowaitingfortheDungeon
Mastertocheatonhisdiceroll,youcan manglekoboldsinnotime!Addparrying,andyouprettymuchhaveacompletelydifferentgameonethatpoints outtheproblemsofolderhack-andslashRPGs.PartofTowerscharmwas howitremovedalltheboringelements offightingandmadeitactuallyenjoyable,evenifdashingatalichtryingto killyouwithitswandisabitzany. LikeDungeon Magic,Tower of Doom generatedenthusiasm,andthepeople whodidntmuchliketheisometricview andover-complicateddungeonsof Dungeon MagicfoundTowerrefreshinglylinear.Myuncle,forinstance, clearlyanddefinitelypreferredthe game:enoughtoclearitonallpossible pathswithallfourcharacters,discoveringeverysecretandoptionalpath. Peopleofallagesrejoicedinseeing himdefeatthereddragonalive.Ifyou wonderwhy,youshouldreallygetthe game(itsinMAMEorSaturn),reach stage6,choosetheshortestroute,and sendmeane-mailinwhichyoucrythat theRedDragonhasbeatenyousilly, destroyedyourZeldacollectionand roastedyourcat.
8 Mercenaries,actually. 9 Whichareobviouslythemostaccurate.
Butmyunclecouldbeatitwithout gettinghitonce.Ofcourse,thenerdy kidswereallawestruckbyhisskills. Andwhenyourememberthatmy uncleusuallysworelikeasailorand becameoverlyaggressivewhenhaving hardcoreplayingsessionsinfrontof thezit-facednerdsattractedtocoin-op renditionsoftheirbasementpastimes,11 youcanonlyfeelsadatthemissedoccasionforagreatshow. Tower of Doomcausedmanyarcade accidentsandoccasionsforlaughter, butDungeons & Dragons: Shadow over Mystarageneratedmasshysteria. CapcomdecidedthatthesoberTower of Doomwasnottherealdealand turnedtoanotheroneoftheirgreat(but completelyunrelated)beat-em-ups forinspiration,Alien vs. Predator.The resultisthatShadow over Mystarahas oneofthecoolestfightingsystems around,butitdoesntreallyevoke tabletopswordfights.Theproblemlies withinthecorefightingsystem:allof thecharactershaveratherlongcombos,asinAlien vs. Predator,resultingin someratherodd-lookingevents,such astheelfdoingsomersaultkicks,triple
10 tormbringer,ontheotherhand,allowsyoutodoalotofthingsinasingleround. S Justlettingyouknow. 11 Notmeatthetime,andhopefullynotyouaswell!
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ascendingslashes,andotherHongKongaction-movieattacks. Ifthatwerenotenough,theinventory systemismuchmorecomplicatedthan Tower;youhavetohandlespellsand itemswhileatthesametimejuggling orcsaroundthescreen.Inshort:press C,movetheinventoryitemswiththe joystick(yourcharacterwillalsomove aroundthescreen),change inventory types(fromitemstospellsforinstance) withB,thenpressthejumpbuttonto useyouritem.Puzzled?Yeah,weall were,frankly. Asidefromtheinitialdisorientation resultingfromthemuchmorehardcorefightingsystem,thegamequickly becametheobjectofmassabuseby theusualposseofplayers.Itsfullof secrets(theinventoryofitemsyouve found,atthehigh-scorescreen,isgood proof);peoplespenthourstryingtofind everything.Andsincethegameisactuallyprettybig,thisoperationdemanded carefulplanning,writtenguides,lotsof swearing,andmanyheadaches.The bestpartformewasmyuncleplayingit ineverysinglemomentofhisfreedom, cursingallpossibledivineentitiesin theworldandmenacinganykidswho daredtoaskforchangewhilehewas busyplaying. Notcountingmyunclesinsanity,manylivesweredestroyedbythe appearanceofthisgame.Thenumber ofplayersorbitingthecabwas,at
anytimeoftheday,consistentlyhigh. Someheatedsessionsinvolved thingslike: Brawls,therealthing,people punchingeachotheroverwhich zonetochoosetogetsecretitems Actsofvandalismtothecabinets (twooftheminspiredbyrage towardTelarin,theninja-esque shadowelf) Ultra-nerdsstudyingallimperfectionsanddivergencesfromthe originaldescriptionsintheD&D handbook(someofwhomreceived physicalpunishmentbecauseof theirobnoxiousber-nerdism)12 Randomcraziness,includingsome weirdbugs(shameIdontrememberthem) Thegamewas,inmanyaspects,the pinnacleofarcadeghettoculture.Atno pointinmylifecanIrememberamore pureanduntouchednerdinessdrifting throughmyoldbelovedarcade.Kids myagewerenteventheworstones; theoldergenerations,theoneswho wereteenagerswhentheD&Dtrend started,spentthemosttimeonthis title.Theresnothingmorehorriblethan thirty-year-oldsmonopolizingacab becausetheyneedtogetrevenge,in somesortofhorrible,perverseway,for allthehumiliationstheyhadtosuffer fromtheirdungeonmasters.
Wait,theressomethingworse. Personally,Ihaventbeenahugefanof thistitle.Tobehonest,Imostlyplayed itfortheabsurdatmospheresurroundingittheyoungkidstalkinginwannabemagicspeak,theolderpeople tryingtoreminisceabouttheearly80s (inthemid90s,yuck!),andmyuncle menacingeveryoneelse.Mymainconcernwasitsgameplay,afterall.Inever likedtheideaofahybridbetweenAlien vs. Predator andthefirstD&Dgame. Thereissomethingtoosillyaboutan elfdoingtriplesomersaultsandjugglingkoboldsaroundthescreen.Add indownrightstupidbossesofthefind thecheaptrickandtheyreharmless varietyandfairlyuselessmagicitems andyouresetwitharatherdisappointingformula. Therewereothercheesyelements, too.Theplotistheusualreddragon maskedashumantriestoovercome thehumanworld.Inaddition,the reddragonistryingtosummonback intotheworldofMystarasomekind ofCthulhu-esquedemon,andlamenesstriumphssupreme.Butthemost fascinatingaspectofD&Disindeedits absolutesilliness,evenbyfantasystandards.Inaway,thecharmofthegame (asidefromtheabsolutelycrazycontext inwhichIhappenedtoplayit)liesinits manypointlessaspects,likethegameplaybalanceofthetwofemalethieves. Theironlygoodelementswereauseful jugglingmoveandveryhotsprites.I couldcommentontheeroticaspectsof thestabbingactionperformedbythese thieves,butIdrathernotsubjectyouto somescarythoughts.
ortheprincessorsometimesboth) andhavefunwithwell-designedtitles. Inretrospect,thesegamesattracted mefortheirotherworldlysettings, thebizarreandexoticcreaturesthat populatedtheirworlds,andthesense ofwonderthatpermeatedthem.Later, Iwouldgrowtobeinterestedinrather differentsortsofthings,namelyscience,butnonetheless,magic,asit appearsinthesegames,still fascinatesme. Giantlasercannonsandthefarthest starsarecool,butsoistheabilityto summonameteorstriketobeatup stupidtrollsandundeadcreatures. Withmagic,Ihavevisitedsubmerged continents,floatingislandsinthesky, netherworldsfullofmonsters,and paradisesripewithdivinecreatures.My trilogyonfantasygamesendshere,but thereareothertitlesmadeofswordand sorcerythatIwillsurelycoverinfuture installmentsofthiscolumn. Seeyouinthearcade
Ihaveplayedalotofgreatgamesin mylife,andmanytimes,theprizewas twofold:savesomething(thekingdom

12 Sadly,Iwasoneofthem.
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Why Game?
Reason #7: Why Not!? By Mister Raroo
Art By Missus Raroo
DearNon-GamersoftheWorld, Greetings!Itscometomyattentionthatyourestillalittleiffyonthe notionofvideogamesaslegitimate entertainment.WhileIcanunderstand thatyouhaveyourreasonsfornot playinggames,Imhopingthatmaybe youllrethinkyourstanceonthematter. Nodoubt,youmostlikelyhavesome hang-upsaboutvideogamesthathave preventedyoufromenjoyingthem,but dontworry,becauseImheretohelp! Videogamescoversuchabroad spectrumofstylesandgenresthat anyonecanfindsomethingthatsuits them.Furthermore,despitewhatyou mayhaveheardontelevisionorread inthenewspaper,thereismuchmore tovideogamesthangraphicviolence. Whetheryoureahistorybuff,apainter, abugcollector,oradoctor,thereis surelysomegameouttherethatll matchyourinterests.Therearemusical games,datinggames,triviagames, scarygames,fishinggames,funny games,drivinggames,pet-raising games,and,yes,shouldviolencereally beyourcupoftea,violentgames.In otherwords,peopleofallages,tastes, andbackgroundscanenjoyvideogames.
Now,youmightsaythatsallfineand dandy,butyoucantdealwiththecrazy controllers.Yourenotgettingoffthat easy,friends!Yes,becomingaccustomedtousingjoysticksandcontrol padsmighthaveabitofalearning curve,butIhavefaiththatyoucando it!IfMissusRarooseighty-three-yearoldgrandmacanbetaughthowto navigatearoundacomputerandfireoff e-mails,theresnoreasonyoucantfigureouthowtouseananalogstickand pressbuttonsonacontroller.Itmight takeyousometimetogetcomfortable withit,butwithpracticeeverythingwill besecondnaturebeforeyouknowit. Evenifyouabsolutelyrefusetoallow yourselftolearntheinsandoutsof usinggamecontrollers,youcanplay gamesthroughdancepads,lightguns, styluses,cameras,andevenyourown voice.
smallsum.Andjustlikebooks,movies,andpracticallyanyotherformof entertainment,thereisalargestable ofreadilyavailableandinexpensive classicsthateveryoneshouldplay, sodiggingthroughusedgamebins willwarrantplentyofgems.Buteven withthenewer,top-of-the-linegame systems,alittlepatiencewillresultin accesstoplentyofhigh-quality,budget-pricedtitles.Totopitalloff,you canevenjustrentgamesforafraction ofthepriceitdcostyoutobuythem outright.Gamingisahobbythatcanbe tailoredtofitanybudget.
Perhapsyouthinkvideogamesare strictlyachildrenshobby.Thatsa verycommonmisconception,andit mostlikelystemsfromthefactthat videogamesarestillarelativelyyoung categoryofentertainment.Butthe factofthematterismanyadultswho grewupplayingvideogamesstillplay videogames,andinmanyways,games themselveshavegrownuprightalong withus.
Dontletthehypeaboutthehigh priceofvideogamesthrowyouoff, either.Thereareplentyofinexpensive alternativestopayingfullpricefor gamesandsystems.Withahugeback catalogoftitlestoexplore,someone newtovideogamescanjumprightinto thehobbybypickingupsomeused gamesandsystemsforareasonably
Heck,Iwonderifmanyofyouare actuallygamersanddontevenrealizeit.Ifyourethetypeofpersonthat sneaksinafewsessionsofcomputer solitaireatworkwhenyourbossisnt lookingorenjoysaquickfixofBejeweled onyourcellphoneduringyour commutetowork,thenyouarealready a gamer!Chancesare,youllloveother typesofvideogamesaswell.Gamingis ahobbythathassomethingtoofferjust aboutanybody,andyoudbesurprised athowentertainingandrewardingitis. Givevideogamesachance! Yourpal, MisterRaroo
76
Why Game?
77
Theyearis2007.
Aseriesofdisastershavetransformed theonce-vibrantfieldofgames journalismintoawasteland.Months passedwithnosignofsalvation,and itseemedasthoughallhopewaslost.
The Punch Line
Hold it!!The Gamers Quarter,the youngestmagazineevertoachieve therankofA-classStrider,hasbeen assignedtheincredibletaskofliberating thisstagnatingfieldfromitscaptorsand stoppingtheirsinisterplans! Lanceinhand,The Gamers Quarter setsoffonaperilousquestthrougheerie landsofdecayanddevestationtorescue thesoulofgamesjournalism!Thepower ofloveburnsfiercelyintheirhearts.Is thereanyforcethatcandefeatthem? Objection!!
78

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The Gamers Quarter 8

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Q1 2007

The Punch Line

From the Editors Desk

Associate Editor: Assistant Editor:

SuperWesEhrlichman superwes@gamersquarter.com TonyTablesawDelgado tablesaw@gamersquarter.com

JustinBoley JonathanKim BrendanLee RudieOverton MisterRaroo StevenSchkolne JonathanSimpson

Page Layout & Design: AncildessgeegaAnthropy MatthewShaperMCWilliamson

Website Design & Layout:

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

On the Grand Masters Stage

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

untillateAugustof2005,whenUltimate Ghosts n Goblinswasannounced,that FujiwarareturnedtoCapcom.

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

That Spiky-Haired Lawyer is All Talk

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

That Spiky-Haired Lawyer is All Talk

Shinji Mikami and the Lost Art of Game Design

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Shinji Mikami and the Lost Art of Game Design

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Shinji Mikami and the Lost Art of Game Design

Secrets and Save Points

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Secrets and Save Points

Giving Up the Ghost

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Giving Up the Ghost

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Giving Up the Ghost

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

1  heAlephisaninventionofArgentinewriterJorgeLuisBorges:apointthatoverlapseverypoint T intheuniverse,atinyspeckintowhichonecanlookandseeEverything. 2 SeeDarkOddysey,TGQ#7.

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Persona Visits the Wii Line

The Punch Line

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Persona Visits the Wii Line

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Persona Visits the Wii Line

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Persona Visits the Wii Line

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Persona Visits the Wii Line

Christmas Morning at the Leukemia Ward

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Christmas Morning at the Leukemia Ward

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Inacertainframeofmind,andwith therighttypeofblindingheadache,you canseethefuture. Pinchthebridgeofyournoseashard asyoucan,andsqueezeyoureyes tightuntilthewhite-hotsparksbeginto frythemselvesalongthebacksofyour

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Christmas Morning at the Leukemia Ward

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

Christmas Morning at the Leukemia Ward

A Retrospective Survival Guide to Tokyo Game Show

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

A Retrospective Survival Guide to Tokyo Game Show

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

A Retrospective Survival Guide to Tokyo Game Show

Youve Won a Prize!

The Gamers Quarter Issue #8

SuperWesEhrlichman superwes@gamersquarter.com TonyTablesawDelgado tablesaw@gamersquarter.com

JustinBoley JonathanKim BrendanLee RudieOverton MisterRaroo StevenSchkolne JonathanSimpson

Page Layout & Design: AncildessgeegaAnthropy MatthewShaperMCWilliamson

untillateAugustof2005,whenUltimate Ghosts n Goblinswasannounced,that FujiwarareturnedtoCapcom.

1 heAlephisaninventionofArgentinewriterJorgeLuisBorges:apointthatoverlapseverypoint T intheuniverse,atinyspeckintowhichonecanlookandseeEverything. 2 SeeDarkOddysey,TGQ#7.

Inacertainframeofmind,andwith therighttypeofblindingheadache,you canseethefuture. Pinchthebridgeofyournoseashard asyoucan,andsqueezeyoureyes tightuntilthewhite-hotsparksbeginto frythemselvesalongthebacksofyour

5 SeeUntoldTalesoftheArcadeinTGQ#7,thesecondinstallmentofthetrilogy. 6 ThereaderwonderingifImabitofaTaitopartisanis,asalways,right. 7 hichItalkedaboutinbothofthepreviousinstallmentsofthistrilogy:UntoldTalesofthe W ArcadeinTGQ#6and#7.

10 tormbringer,ontheotherhand,allowsyoutodoalotofthingsinasingleround. S Justlettingyouknow. 11 Notmeatthetime,andhopefullynotyouaswell!

Ihaveplayedalotofgreatgamesin mylife,andmanytimes,theprizewas twofold:savesomething(thekingdom