Indian Matrimonial Process

Search and Match Mechanism of the Market A Detailed View of the Indian Matrimonial Process
NILESH OAK SEPTEMBER 3, 2007
IDENTIFICATION OF THE MARKET MECHANISM The search and matching mechanism is a fundamental component for serving societys needs whether it be for goods or services. Historically, the search and match mechanism has served to converge buyers with a set of requirements with sellers with a set of capabilities and features. Along the same vein, albeit more interesting, is the search and match mechanisms evolution and rapid growth in serving another major human need personal relationships and life partners. Although a conventional search and match mechanism paper may focus on the mechanism at a very generic level (i.e., its general use across various categories of transactions), this paper will focus on the mechanisms evolution specifically in the partner/mate search and match into an online forum as its widespread use warrants a focused analysis. Perhaps the most renown partner search and eventual marriage transaction has historically transpired in Asian societies; perhaps the best illustration is how the institution of marriage is facilitated across families, friends, and even match makers in India. Of course, self-identified partner matches are also a growing and common force in todays Indian society. Taking this into consideration the historical facilitation by families, friends, and other match makers combined with the contemporary generations quest for a self-identified match it is evident that a powerful enabler has been technology and its ability to link this web of individuals together in unison. Those who wish to go solo and search for themselves online may do so; at the same time, those parents, friends, or siblings who wish to give a helping hand may interface online in any one of the numerous match-making sites. Marriages may be made in heaven, but they have to be realized on Earth. Before, we in the Western world dismiss this cyberworld search and match mechanism, let us pause and remember the relationship enabling sites as eHarmony, and even FaceBook and Friendster for other youths. Even more, the Indian marriage process is often ostracized as being an arranged marriage with no consent; however, quite the contrary, it is more so a facilitated partner-seeking process that eventually leads to marriage when agreed to by both parties. Given the population of Indian in the world, the practice of Indian marriages affects approximately 20% of world population; however, of course, even so, not all Indian marriages are facilitated by family or friends as more youth seek their own process and matches. Therefore, this paper examines the human life partner/mate search and match mechanism and the possibilities the Internet brings. More specifically, it profiles the Indian matrimonial process to highlight this mechanisms evolution and current enablement through the online forum. HISTORICAL PRACTICE AND KEY ELEMENTS Traditional Indian arranged marriage involved parents choosing their daughters or sons future spouse with some key criteria input from the bridegroom or bride to be. In almost all cases if either son or daughter refuses the choice, the parents tend to respect their wishes and choose another possible spouse. Nilesh Oak Page 1
HISTORY OF PRACTICE In India, arranged marriage is a tradition handed down through many generations. It is true that ancient literature of India going back to 7700 B. C. recognizes other forms of marriages; Swayam-var (bride making her own selection), Gandharva-vivah (love marriage), Rakshasa-vivah (marriage by force), Nisarga-saksha vivah (Nature as witness), and few others. All these forms were considered and are still considered inferior to an arranged marriage one that is viewed as worthy and acceptable by both families as a whole. ROLES, RESPONSIBILITIES AND PROCEDURES The essential marriage broker comes in two forms: professional and altruistic, who used to be involved in most arranged marriages. At some level, members of society as a whole consider their responsibility to ensure that the proper bride or groom is arranged for someone they know and thus actively solicit and communicate information. The professional marriage brokers receive honorary compensation as deemed appropriate by parties who benefit from their services. Altruistic marriage brokers consider their work as repayment of their social debt they are often extended family members, friends, and other well-wishers for the families. Beginning in 1970, the print matrimonial (requests for suitable match under matrimonial section of classified ads in newspapers and magazines) became popular. Parallel to print matrimonial was the development of marriage bureau. A marriage bureau was the creation of professional marriage brokers. A marriage broker, instead of walking from house to house with a huge diary with tucked in photographs, now sat in his/her office accepting registration for prospective brides and grooms. Marriage bureaus are operated similar to staffing companies and maintain lists of suitable brides and grooms based on criteria demanded by their clients. With the Internet boom in India, the concept of a marriage broker walking from door to door is is slowly fading out, and has given way to online matrimonial sites. The first to jump on this bandwagon were owners of marriage bureaus, who converted their paper database into computer one. Internet savvy professional organizations have eliminated the hold of marriage bureaus and now dominate the business of online matrimonials. PROCEDURES AND BASIC ELEMENTS OF PRACTICE Procedures for selection and matching of brides and grooms vary widely across India, especially when one gets into the details of protocols to be followed. In general, every marriage is its own microcosm when one takes into account numerous variables: language, religion, caste, sub-cast, education, and other factors.
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Search India has always been rooted in tradition and religious beliefs. A marriage in India is both a religious and social ceremony. The duration of a search may run anywhere from a few months to many years. Leads are generated through multiple processes: marriage brokers, relatives, friends, well-wishers. Marriage ceremonies are attractive venues for screening of prospective brides and grooms. As the old Indian adage goes, A single marriage sets the stage for dozen additional marriages can be taken literally. Due Diligence Parents initiate the process of due diligence (the process is elaborate and complex and would not only rival the process of due diligence exercise carried out by corporations before mergers and acquisitions, but the latter may look trivial in comparison). The exercise aims to look at such traits as: 1. Family reputation 2. Prospective bridge/grooms profession 3. Financial stability 4. Family values 5. Other physically desired characteristics (age, height, etc) Significant deviation from the desired level in the above characteristics would terminate the process of furthering any prospects with the groom/bridge under consideration. This due diligence is carried out in a low-key manner to respect social norms since any decision by one family to not proceed further with a specific individual of another family, will be seen by the other party (if they come to know about it) as an insult. Maintaining this confidentiality is critical since Indian society as a whole is well connected, especially when the target group is screened based on religion, caste, sub-cast, language and region. Lack of sensitivity may create a disadvantage for future marriage alliances. If the outcome of this exercise is positive, an informal discussion between the two parties will begin. Of course at this time the other party would initiate its own due diligence, with roles reversed. If the other party is satisfied in its own due diligence, the photos of the prospective bride and bridegrooms might be exchanged. Matching: Phase I An informal meeting is set up between the two parties. The goal is to agree on a high level regarding compatibilities. The objective of this meeting (never explicitly stated but understood by all) is to validate the information gathered during due diligence phase. In addition, the goal is to understand specific matching requirements of both parties. Non-verbal negotiation, judging of mutual family attributes and values take place during these meetings. This is also an opportunity for the couple to understand more of their potential partners, by asking questions about their values, likes, dislikes and Nilesh Oak Page 3
life preferences basically an opportunity to have a private and informal meeting. This is a freeflowing discussion and may includes their likes and dislikes of books, movies, vacation destination, dietary preferences, future ambitions, pet peeves and list is endless. Families would enlist the additional matching criteria (this assumes what they know so far is agreeable) which may include horoscope matches, family tree assessments, and other perceptions regarding the health of the desired individual. Matching: Phase -II This step constitutes the negotiation of terms and conditions rather than matching. I have included it as part of matching because negotiations not covered so far still have flavor of matching the two sides based on wealth, reputation and social status. This includes the details of the wedding arrangements and anticipated number of attendees and other special events. PROFILE OF MARKET PRACTICE The dominant form of searching and matching among the global Indian community today is via online matrimonial. All traditional forms of match-making are still in existence and active in India, especially in rural parts of the country. In Indian cities, the matrimonial style of online dating is becoming more prevalent, where many websites vie for clients. The larger websites have their own service centers around India. CURRENT BEST PRACTICE: ARRANGED MARRIAGES, MINUS THE PARENTS With the Internet boom in India, online matrimonial is becoming a best practice and one that is highly profitable. These sites have mushroomed like crazy. There is not a single state in India which does not have one or more matrimonial sites dedicated to serve the region, apart from the big players who target the entire nation with the concept of the Indian wedding. Indian marriage requirements, as described in previous sections can be very specific in religion, cast, sub-cast, language, and ancestral links. Internet based solution such as online matrimonial fits this need best. For instance there are 15 sections for different languages on the BharatMatrimony.com and other similar sites. Potential brides and grooms can select from 10 different languages, 8 religions and 7 different countries. PERFORMANCE Among the scores of business ideas out there, online matchmaking has continued to see phenomenal growth. The global Indian online matchmaking and matrimonial business has carved a niche for itself in the cyberspace, and alongside, has lead to a small revolution in the way the tech savvy youth of current Indian generation are contemplating finding a match. The internet-matrimonial and matchmaking industry is grossing billions of dollars a year and the Indian wedding market is experiencing a boom. The Economist magazine estimates the market to be around $11 billion with a Nilesh Oak Page 4
growth rate of about 25% per year. Indian matrimonial sites and portals have created successful business by blending personal touch with technology, grossing millions for the entrepreneurs behind the scenes. We feel like we are helping Indians and Indian-Americans help qualify or reject potential mates faster than ever before, says Nahrain Bhatia, who founded Suitable Match, a heavily visited site with 10,000 registered members. BharatMatrimony.com, which is actually a collection of regionally focused matrimonial portals with a similar operational engine, claims that they have matched over 60,000 marriages, including that of Mrugavel (Muruga) Janakiraman, founder and chief executive officer of BharatMatrimony.com.
ASSESSMENT OF PATHOLOGIES Moral basis of traditional Indian arranged marriage I am tempted to compare Indian arranged marriage with carrots and nylon, the comparison I derive from two of my numerous hobbies nutrition and science of polymers. In Indian moral system, Individual sits at the top of moral hierarchy. Society is next in line followed by all organic matter (living world). The inorganic matter sits at the bottom. However individual freedom is nowhere to be seen in Indian society, and the odd occurrence of it is treated with scorn. The modern western civilization is to be credited with making individual freedom a reality. There is a clear gap between Indian philosophical thought and actual workings of society. Before we judge this as hypocritical, and rightfully so, I advise looking at empirical experience of both Indians and the rest with different marriage systems. In principle, Indian thought claims to respect Individual good as supreme and thus we should have observed self-selection of marriage partner. Though this factor has been under-researched, proponents of arranged marriage attribute near zero percent divorce rates (to somewhere around 4% suspected) to couple that have arranged marriages (in contrast to a 50% divorce rate for US). The debate surrounds one main question: can an individual be trusted to make his own or her own decision about choosing a mate, and if not, can the parents do a better job of it? Elders think that young individuals are prone to listen to voice of enthusiasm (hormones, external looks) rather than voice of reason (attitude, maturity, financial stability). The main argument of society over individual refers to immature individual who may give in to his/her basic instincts (organic and thus inferior to society). Curious readers may want to read Lila- An inquiry into Morals by Robert Pirsig, well known author of Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance for further exposition of moral hierarchy. So what does Indian arranged marriage have to do with carrots and nylon! None of them are best alternatives based on any single criteria, however all of them are second best alternatives when it comes to multiple criterion: arranged marriage (social stability, lower divorce rate, pre-screening Nilesh Oak Page 5
leading to increased mutual satisfaction), carrots (second best nutrition after Yams, however readily available and can be eaten raw or cooked) and nylon (does not offer single best property among engineering polymers, however second best properties on practically every aspect of polymer properties strength, chemical resistance, impact, ease of processing) Modern Indian Arranged Marriages in the Global Village The online matrimonial sites are particularly useful for Indians abroad. Every year 40,000-70,000 Indians move to Unites states alone, most of them singles, who turn into potential marriage-worthy material in a few years. Online marriage sites cater to a technologically sophisticated population. According to Forrester research, 69% of Asian-American households are online, compared with the 43% of the general population. Most of the Indians in India as well as Indian Americans who are online are young and educated. Young working Indians in India are earning double digit salary growth every year and in the United States, Indian-Americans have the highest per capita income, a financial factors that makes them quite an attractive pool of marriage candidates. They are generally busy professionals. They need the process to become more efficient and more effective. If we can reduce a six-month process to six days, think of how much easier we can make finding a mate, says Mr. Manglani, president of Asian Matches (www.asianmatches.com). Wouldnt it be better to be up front whether or not a bride or groom wont work as quickly as possible? Then our clients could move on and just get that much closer to finding the right person, get married and get on with their lives. Young Indian adults tend to view arranged marriage as an option they can fall back on if they are unable or unwilling to spend time and effort necessary to find a spouse on their own or even a superior alternative to seeking a spouse than social dating. The parents then become welcome partners in a hunt for marital bliss. The key word is efficiency without loosing effectiveness, especially for Indian-Americans. Many realize that without their parental buffers, it may not be as easy to find another person (Indian or Indian-American) who is genuinely considering marriage to another Indian-American. Many get tired of offline meetings with marriage candidates who, after formal introductions with both sets of parents and other relatives in the same room, would admit that they were only there out of obligation to their families. The online option of finding a mate might seem very modern, but it represents an acceptance of the prejudices of previous generations. Looking for a spouse through such strict criteria as caste or subcaste, postgraduate degree or even of the tone of the persons complexion (common fields on most matrimonial sites) echoes the same categories that traditional Indian parents and marriage bureaus have used for centuries. Many feel that they are engaging in a meat hunt, like one would in a bar, even though that is what one is theoretically trying to avoid, at the same time trying to meet people online by prescreening them - ironically using the same biases of their parents. The biggest benefit is the expansion of range of available prospects around the world beyond existing networks, existing networks being the only traditional method of finding a bride or groom. Indian parents who are immigrants might not have the network in their chosen country of residence necessary Nilesh Oak Page 6
to arrange a marriage easily. These portals help because they offer a controlled environment, in terms of a somewhat screened community. Online sites have their peculiar vocabulary. If you see Issueless divorce, you may translate it as no children, while innocently divorced may mean still a virgin. Both terms can easily be searched for on most sites. However do verify since lot can be lost in translation. Innovative Use of Technology: East meets West Technology is cutting though traditional avenues of matchmaking for Indians, following the western trend where dating sites are among the most highly ranked internet portals. Educated urbane youngsters contemplating matrimony are increasingly using the power of the web to not necessarily find the one but at least to get a few referrals that they can vet. The use of the Internet and the web is therefore the next evolutionary step in the match making process. Developing a matrimonial portal is not rocket science per se since the technologies to integrate search, posting, validating, etc. exists; however, the power of such portal is in the human angle of controlling, coordinating and managing the operations. Most online portals employ individuals who vet each posting for photograph, content accuracy to ensure that bad apples stay away. Competitive Landscape Before you think of jumping in to rake in the big bucks, let me make you aware of the challenge most portals face: managing customer expectations. The product these portals are dealing with is the hopes and expectations of individuals. Though most of these websites have automated registration and payment processes, they try to build manual checks and balances. Says Muruga of Bharat Matrimony: Ours is a technology driven company but we manually authorise the profiles to make sure the profiles are genuine. Sure, you want to make sure that the Sridevi or Amirs profile you are looking at does not have the actors picture next to it; that is, Amir is an architect based in Boston, not Amir Khan from Bollywood. Also, individuals have a wider choice when it comes to online and offline advertising, and posting ones details on the Internet is just one of the several medium available. The big players in this marketincluding BharatMatimony.com and Shaadi.comhave cornered a niche for themselves in the cyber world, ranking high in search engines. BharatMatrimony.Com also has an alliance with MSN.Com so all Indian Hotmail users see ads and text links of this website whenever they login to their Hotmail account. They also have huge advertising budgets, given that ads for matrimonial portals regularly appear in TV, radio and print. Alongside, the traditional avenues for matrimonial advertisementsnewspaper classifieds, continue to eat into the overall market share. Interestingly, most newspapers also post their print adverts free in their online editions, further competing with pure-play online portals. Lower barriers to entry have lead to intense competition in this space, especially because of the number of players who have jumped the bandwagon. Nilesh Oak Page 7
FORCES OF CHANGE Individual winning over Society Global modern influences are having its impact on Indian parents. Indian society is becoming more open to individuals selecting their partners, at least creating a slate of candidates. This is a win-win situation, where the individual gets to select who they are comfortable marrying, whereas parents get to have their say on the pros and cons of the slate of candidates identified. Globalization of Indian diaspora As the population of Indians outside India grows, many Indian marriages are in fact international marriages, where potential matches may reside half way across the globe, but satisfy the desired criteria for consideration. Time value of Money As the earning potential of the Indian singles population continues to increase, time spent looking for a spouse is more valuable. Thus, the growing Indian youth primarily the highly educated and earning segment desire both efficiency and accuracy in their quest for ideal partner candidates. Therefore, systems which facilitate criteria-based matching provide a bigger bang for the buck by increasing the probability for meeting better-suited individuals. IDENTIFY LEADERS AND REFORMERS Matrimonial web sites seem to strike a compromise between ancient Indian social traditions and the contemporary attitudes of many Indian Americans by cutting out the intermediary of arranged marriages: the family! Just as online trading is starting to cut out the middleman in the investing business, the Web is being used to help arranged marriages without relatives or marriage bureaus. Most sites offer free services such as letting people search their bride and groom databases (They get the point Context is King!), and allow users to post photos and descriptive paragraphs about themselves for prospective marriage partners. Leaders in the worldwide quest for Indian matches are Shaadi.com, BharathMatrimony.com, and JeevanSaathi.com. Just These sites offer simple, advanced and keyword searches. Users enter or search for information in fields like age and caste, but they can also search for more detailed information like vegetarian, non-smoker. Many of these sites are capable of analyzing horoscopes (either by computer programs or by priests hired by these businesses).
FUTURE MARKET POSSIBILITIES
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You Tube and Second Life You Tube and emails are already being explored by key matrimonial sites. The next wave would be these portals setting their marriage bliss islands on Second life. Lets say the man is an American of Indian ancestry and the woman is an Indian living in India who will move to America after the marriage. The parents of the man will be happier and feel secure knowing that their son is to marry a person of their own country and culture rather than one corrupted by western influences. The parents of the girl hope that their daughter enjoys a higher standard of living. However couples may be incompatible due to cultural differences. This can be extremely significant, and sometimes in surprising ways many Indian families settled abroad tend to have frozen Indian values and mindsets while the home country has moved on and adopted more progressive values. It is not rare to find traditional Indian families in the west that look down upon western values as immoral, while Indians in India have become more westernized and permissive. Online communication (Second Life) can not modify this situation, however the prospective couple will be able to resolve these issues upfront in a neutral setting and possibly without disclosing their identity. Criteria is changing, complexity is not There are still niches waiting to be explored. For instance there is a marked vacuum when it comes to sites catering to remarriages. With the changing demographics, divorce and remarriage is on the rise. There is a void for portals and cyber-entrepreneurs to target this niche by providing a comfortable, safe atmosphere where those looking for a second chance can do so. Concedes Vandana Asija, public relations manager of Shaadi.com: Shaadi.com has several members who are divorced or looking to remarry. We do not explicitly target members who are divorced but do provide fields in our search engine to make it easier for members to find divorced singles if they are looking for them. Interestingly, the management of GaramChai.com has also already identified this as a niche and has built two niche portals: http://www.garamchai.com/BridesForDivorcees.htm http://www.garamchai.com/BridegroomsForDivorcees.htm
The emerging tech-savvy generation is definitely considering online portals as a viable option to scan for suitable alliances. Whether they are made in heaven or not, marriages are definitely getting made online! REFERENCES Lila: An Inquiry into Morals by Robert M Pirsig http://www.matrimonialsindia.com/ http://merasathi.com/ Nilesh Oak Page 9
http://www.jeevansathi.com/ http://www.nikahsearch.com/ http://www.indiamatch.com/ http://www.walsha.com/ http://www.myforeignbride.com/ http://www.garamchai.com/mohan/ The Economist, October 25, 2006. "Made for each other" Peeyush Agnihotri. "Shehnai please, its Webbing time", The Tribune, 2002-05-06 Gitanjali Sharma. The mating Game, The Tribune, 2004-12-18 Mohan Babu. "The business of online matchmaking", GaramChai
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Indian Matrimonial Process

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Search and Match Mechanism of the Market A Detailed View of the Indian Matrimonial Process

NILESH OAK SEPTEMBER 3, 2007

FUTURE MARKET POSSIBILITIES

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