Complete transcript of Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago pick up lines.

Because I got a message from my friends from Twitter and Facebook. The message is: Para fair ang labanan sa susunod magpadala tayo ng interpreter sa Ms. Universe. Ipadala natin si Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago. Pwede na rin si Kuya Kim Atienza para may kaunting trivia. ... ... I never got picked up by anybody, either here in the Philippines or abroad. But now I know there are certain pick-up lines which will prove irresistible. Why dont you try the following? Kung magkakaroon ako ng sariling planeta, gusto ko ikaw ang axis nito, para sayo lang iikot ang mundo ko. Sana FB status ka na lang, para pwede kitang i-like. Ibenta mo na bahay mo, total nandidito ka na, nakatira sa puso ko. Sana naka-off ang ilaw, para tayo na lang mag-on. Noodles ka ba, kasi Lucky Me? Ang buhay ko ay parang see-saw, pag wala ka, down ako. Para kang hold-upper, lahat ibibigay ko sayo, wag mo lang akong saktan. Galing mo din, ano? Di mo pa ko binabato tinamaan mo na ako. Maglaro tayo ng kahit ano, wag lang taguan, kasi a girl like you is hard to find. Sana exam mo na lang ako, para sagutin mo rin ako. Bastos ka rin, ano? Di ka man lang nagpapaalam tuloy-tuloy kang pumasok sa puso ko. Google ka ba? Lahat kasi ng hinahanap ko sayo ko natagpuan. Nakalimutan ko pangalan mo, eh. Pwede bang tawagin na lang kitang akin? Nakalunok ka ba ng kwitis, kasi pag ngumiti ka, may spark This is what Dr. Cabral said to Dr. Esperanza Cabral, when they were both students in the UP College of Medicine. Sana ikaw ang cardiologist ko, para ikaw ang mag-aalaga sa puso ko. Sana scientist ako, para ikaw naman ang lab ko. Tindera ka ba ng yosi? Kasi you give me Hope and More. Para kang cactus, kasi handa akong masaktan, mayakap ka lang. Pag wala ka ang buhay ko parang lapis na hindi natasahan: pointless. Lets go to Q&A. Q: Pano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya na hindi siya mababastos? A: Excuse me, Miss, Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo? GUY 1: May sagot ka ba sa exam? GUY 2: Puro blanko. GUY 1: Patay. GUY 2: Bakit? GUY 1: Baka isipin nila nagkopyahan tayo. I never thought I was going to enter politics coz I was studying hard here in UP to prepare for my future. I always thought that I would someday be a rocket scientist, astrophysicist, or even a lion-tamer. I never wanted to enter politics. I was simply forced by the circumstances. Im afraid I was seduced by the young people of this country. Once I entered politics, it became natural, being a civil, God-fearing, law-abiding citizen, for me to lose my temper, because politicians are [waves hand down]. So kelangan minsan sa politika, para lang mabuhay sa pulitika, to survive, if not to prevail, kelangan mataray ka. Iba naman klaseng taray ito. Eto nga yun sinasabi ko. Di ko sinasabing maganda ako. Sinasabi ko lang, pangit ka. Pag nakikita kita, parang gusto kong magsorry sa mga mata ko. Wife: Ibili mo ako ng bagong bra. Husband: Wag ka ng mag-bra, maliit naman boobs mo. Wife: Eh bakit ikaw, nagbebrief ka pa? Heart Evangelista is so beautiful people often tell her how beautiful she is. And she always says she feels extremely mortified when she hears it. So I told her, Dont do that! Why should you be so shy and why should you be embarrassed? And I told her, When someone told me, Ang ganda mo I answered Sana ikaw rin. In a swimming pool: Classmate 1: Im sure lulutang ka. Classmate 2: Bakit? Dahil payat ako? Classmate 1: Hindi, dahil plastic ka. When the cashier at the grocery said, Miss, pwedeng candy na lang ang sukli ko sa iyo? I answered Bakit, tsokolate ba ang ibinayad ko? The husband said, When Im gone youll never find another man like me. The wife replied, What makes you think Id want another man like you?

This is what I learned in my eight years in UP. I never learned this when I went to Harvard, Cambridge or Oxford, they were just dull. I will now go to my assigned topic. [Licks lips]