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Alexander Il Joung Koo

Mr. Silva
English 2H-1
3 November 2011
The Typical Love Story: Clashing Values oI the Past and Present
Marriage is as symbolic oI an act as it is realistic; in Iact, it is perhaps more so oI the
Iormer than the latter in cultural aspects. This is an idea Chinua Achebe probably had in mind
when writing 'Marriage is a Private AIIair, a short story about the conIlict between two
lovers`Nnaemeka`s and Nene`scontemporary views supporting Iree marriages, and
Nanaemeka`s Iather Okeke`s traditional belieI upholding arranged marriages. Zhang Jie also
most likely had the notion that marriage was seen more as an allegorical act than anything
else by the society when she composed 'Love Must Not Be Forgotten, a literary work
depicting romantic love in a traditional Chinese society through a young woman named
Shanshan witnessing a secret love aIIair between her mother Zhong Yu and another man. So
while both Nene and Zhong Yu are placed in oppressive cultures, they have diIIerent
responses towards their situations. In the end, it becomes clear that love-based marriage is
usually pursued by contemporary individuals while traditional cultures seek Ior arranged
marriages.
In 'Marriage is a Private AIIair, Nene`s Iree-willed marriage and open philosophy
oI marriage reIlect that modern individuals pursue love-based marriages while traditional
cultures pursue arranged marriages. Nnaemeka and Nene are a couple who engage in secret
and later marryall without Nnaemeka`s extremely traditional Iather Okeke knowing so,
mainly because Okeke planned to have an arranged marriage Ior Nnaemeka. Nene is
portrayed as a very open and bright character with very liberal views (especially on marriage)
in such a situation. This could be seen when Nene responds to Nnaemeka`s description oI his
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tribe`s enclosed and conservative views oI marriage, saying 'I don`t believe anybody will be
so unlike other people that they will be unhappy when their sons are engaged to marry.
(Achebe 189) and 'You don`t really mean that he will object to your marrying me simply on
that account? (Achebe 189). Her obviously disbelieI at the Iact that Okeke will respond
negatively towards their marriage is expressed within the quotesthis Iurther proves the
point that Nene had a very liberal view oI marriage. And while Nene had the aIoresaid broad-
minded stance on marriage, Okeke had exactly the opposite mindset, craving Ior arranged
marriage and abiding by strict traditional rules. For example, Okeke has much outdated
prejudices in many areasthe conversation ensued by Nnaemeka and Okeke illustrates this
point most powerIully. When Nnamekea protests about the arranged marriage that he did not
love the girl arranged to marry him, Okeke replies that 'Nobody said you did. Why should
you? (Achebe 190)'Look here, my son,` interrupted his Iather, nothing is diIIerent.
What one looks Ior in a wiIe are a good character and a Christian background.` The
conversation merely shows how narrow-minded Okeke was, rejecting all other belieIs that a
good wiIe would be something other than having 'a good character and a Christian
background (Achebe 190). And so Nene being a relatively contemporary individual and
Okeke representing traditional society, it can be said through Nene`s case in 'Marriage is a
Private AIIair that the modern person looks Ior love based marriage, while tradition seeks
Ior otherwise.
In 'Love Must Not Be Forgotten, Zhong Yu`s advices Ior her daughter and her silent
sacriIice Ior her loved one depict that present individuals look Ior love based marriages,
while past traditions look Ior arranged marriages. Zhong Yu`s secret and intimate love aIIair
with a man (his name is not revealed throughout the story) is seen through the eyes oI Zhong
Yu`s daughter Shanshan. The setting this story takes place in is during and aIter the Chinese
Revolutionand by situating the plot into such a time Irame accurately helps in bringing the
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theme oI the place oI romantic love prevailing in traditional Chinese society (Although the
Chinese Cultural Revolution may be seen as contemporary, any event that occurred over a
decade ago Irom now will be seen as traditional within this essay). The Cultural Revolution
essentially eliminated Zhong Yu oI her lover, not only to begin with the Iact it imposed
restrictions on their love. Zhong Yu`s aIIection and near-inIatuation can be seen through the
Iollowing quotes: 'II she met a colleague named Wang, she would call him Guo and mutter
something unintelligible. (Jie 203), 'To catch a glimpse oI his car or the back oI his head
through its rear window, she careIully Iigured out which roads he would take to work and
back. (Jie 203), and 'Whenever he made a speech, she sat at the back oI the hall watching
his Iace rendered by cigarette smoke and poor lighting. (Jie 203). Such great, deep love may
be admirable, but overall it was not desirable during the Chinese Cultural Revolution, nor to
the society aIter itand thereIore the mother suIIered internal conIlicts throughout the story.
However, she had gotten to taste what true love Ielt like, and it is here that I prove the point
that love based marriage is pursued by the individual while arranged marriage is pursued by
traditional culture.
The most starkly contrasting diIIerence between Nene and Zhong Yu is that while
Nene`s conIlict is seemed to be resolved by both the individual and the (relatively) traditional
society towards the end oI 'Marriage is a Private AIIair, Zhong Yu`s internal conIlict does
not end until her death. This diIIerence originated Irom the extent to which each society
played in each character`s liIe; although it remains dominant to both oI them. In the end, the
constant conIlicts and struggles oI values between traditional cultures and contemporary
individuals will remain constant throughout the course oI history, with the marriage issue
being one oI the most prominent. And although the conIlict itselI will most probably prevail,
it is the act oI trying to step into one another`s shoes and attempting to cooperate with each
side that will help make the world a better place to live in.