LOVE ADDICTION Love addiction? What is love addiction? How can I be addicted to love? Love is not something bad!

Perhaps this is what some of you are thinking as you read the title of this article. Others of you might well be grumbling, Not another addiction...enough psychology articles on addiction! But can love possibly become an addiction? Totally. If I asked you to describe addiction, you will probably use words like obsessive, compulsive, habitual, attached and dependent. But wait a minute; arent some of these words also used when you talk about love?! We always associate addiction with drugs, alcohol, smoking and so on. But it can with a living being also. Some of us give fascinating names to it and call it possessiveness, obsession and so on. These are nothing else but another names of addiction. Though not chemical or alcoholic, but this addiction is as dominating as the others. In fact, it affects the human life in a greater way than any other addiction. I have seen how dependency to a person makes love addicts feel alive; they develop a sense of purpose and gain a sense of meaning and self worth in the world. They feel that its the only way they can be happy in their life. A love addict becomes blindly attached to the other person, and loses all the capability to take any decision or analyze what is happening in his life. Some of you who are in love (or at least experienced love), would say that this is how a mature relationship starts, this is how love grows. But I feel this is only one stage when your attraction is at peak - every time you see or touch that person your heart beat increases and there is a rush of adrenaline through your veins. There are some people who couldnt go past this stage of blind love and get fixated at that stage. They remain addicted to people. I would like to use the term parasitism for it...not love! An addict wants to have that same initial level of excitement in the relationship. To him, a decrease of fervour in the relationship is like a drop in the drugs dosage! And he can do anything to get his drug back! The case with girls is even worse. Girls become addict to a person more easily. But what is it that makes a girl so much vulnerable to this addiction? It is maybe because girls require a much higher level of emotional satisfaction and support, and when they get such a support from a person, they are ready to make any compromise for that, be it their happiness! Girls also have an urge to command the relationship. They can use sex to in exchange of love from their partner. In such a situation, they confuse sex for love! My experience of love addiction says that a person addicted of love wants to be in a relationship to be in love regardless of whether he is happy in that relationship or not. What if such a relationship comes to an end? I have seen breakups where the addict cant stop thinking about her partner even if he knows that she has already moved on in his life. This type of breakup is extremely tormenting and leaves the addict with sleep disturbances, frustration, irritability, depression and anxiety. I have talked to few such addicts, who try to justify their behaviour by saying that it was true love..! And I feel like saying, Give me a break! Seriously! But that only worsens their condition (you wont want to try that!). As time passes, a love addict yearns for the attachment of the lost relationship, as much as a heroin addict craves for heroin when the drug is no longer available. The craving for the emotional ecstasy of love drives the addict to find another relationship to pursue!

But why such an obsession to be in a relationship exists in first place? Our culture and modern society describes relationships in such an ideal manner, that we start believing that we fall in love and live "happily ever after." Media also adds to this belief by showing true pure and happy love in every other movie and songs. In fact, Hollywood tends to make light of this problem in movies because a true-love relationship just isnt marketable. Glorified love is the stuff upon which movies are created! This ignores the groundwork that relationships require. Many love relationships depicted in the media are actually love (or sex?) addicted relationships. Lets consider an example of Romeo and Juliet did you find lived happily ever after, huh? People sacrificing their lives for love, is that what love wants?! The Bible elegantly defines love in this way: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever. This is how real love should be defined and expressed. It can definitely change your life, but you shouldnt allow its absence to ruin your life! Addiction doesnt mean love and real love also doesnt mean addiction. These are two totally different experiences but when they come together, it results in incredible pain and suffering. Love addicts are drawn and addicted to the chemical highs love, sex and romance produce. And this addiction destroys addicts life completely. He is unable to concentrate on any activities in his life because he is always fantasizing about that another person. He becomes attached to a person without any emotional level of contact, most of the times it is only physical! And expectations from such a baseless relationship hurt both the persons in that relationship. Now the question which comes to my mind is - can a person recover from love addiction? Psychology says yes! Just as psychotherapy can free a person from other addictions, recovery from love addiction is also possible. To treat a person suffering from love addiction, you just need to help him with issues like low self-esteem, undeveloped self-identity, lack of social skills, and mood disorders! Love addiction happens because of feeling of dependence and insecurity in a person. If you have multiple sources which can satisfy your needs of love, affection and care, in that way you can be more secure and independent. But I dont mean that you shouldnt have that special someone. Try to see it in a positive way, it is absolutely possible that we remain more attached to our primary partner and still do not lose the need for connectedness met by friends, colleagues, family and others! I added this last paragraph only a few hours back when an exciting thought struck my mind. I recently read an article in which the writer suggested that electronic gadgets can take place of human beings. But can a machine actually meet the needs of a person that can only be met by other human beings? My answer is no! When a person doesnt have anyone with whom he can share his feelings and thoughts, he just suppresses that need of a human being by diverting his attention to other activities. Machines and gadgets just help him with that! Here I would like to propose my own psychology of love addiction (maybe some of you can write your next critique on that!). When such a person gets into a relationship, he finds a vent for all his suppressed feelings and needs and he wants more and more from that relationship which ultimately leads to addiction!

Through this article, I am not saying that you should not fall in love. Fall in love, lose control, get high; but you should know when to come back to senses! And believe me, Love is a drug worth trying!
I completely agree with you, breakups rea not a bad thing. And sometimes brakup is necessary for you and your partners happiness. The suicide case which we discussed in the class, i believe that girl was addicted to his boyfriend thats why she couldnt take that breakup and ended har life As tou and shyamal said love can be the most defining, the most fulfilling thing in ur life, but have you ever tried drugs? (I hope no! :P)
According to drug addicts, drugs also provide them with same feeling. I feel

A drug, broadly speaking, is any substance that, when absorbed into the body of a living organism, alters normal bodily function But you can definitely come back. In love addiction you are ignoring one important word love Your partner also