Student Success Guide

Writing Skills













Robert Todd Carroll


Student Success Guide Writing Skills


1990 by Robert T. Carroll. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced
in any form or by any means, including electronic storage and retrieval, or translated into a
foreign language without prior agreement and written consent from the author as governed
by United States and International Copyright Law.

e-mail rtc@skepdic.com

Author: Robert Todd Carroll
Website: The Skeptics Dictionary at www.skepdic.com

Other books by Robert T. Carroll

The Common-Sense Philosophy of Religion of Bishop Edward Stillingfleet, 1635-
1699. (1975). (International Archives of the History of Ideas / archives
internationales d'histoire des ides). Martinus Nijhoff, The Hague

Student Success Guide: Study Skills (1990).
www.skepdic.com/refuge/studyskills1.pdf

The Skeptics Dictionary: A Collection of Strange Beliefs, Amusing Deceptions,
and Dangerous Delusions. (2003). Wiley and Sons.

Becoming a Critical Thinker A Guide for the New Millennium. (2005). 2
nd

edition. Pearson Custom Publishing.


Preface


The Student Success Guide: Writing Skills is a companion to the Student Success Guide: Study
Skills book. The purpose of each is to provide a systematic approach to learning the skills needed by every
successful student. The study skills text focuses on vocabulary building, time management, listening and
concentration, reading and studying textbooks, taking notes, reviewing and preparing for tests. The writing skills
text focuses on building those skills needed by the college student to fulfill typical writing assignments.
The Student Success Guides may be used independently by the student who wishes to improve his or
her chances of success in humanities and social science courses. The books could also be used as the sole text
in a College Success course or as an adjunct text in an English or Humanities course.
The driving idea behind the Student Success Guides is that methodical and purposive studying is the
most effective and efficient. I don't claim that my methods are the only ones. In fact, I can't even call them my
methods, since I have taken the work and suggestions of many people and applied them as I saw fit.
To do well in college the student does not have to be an excellent writer, but a certain competence is
expected and is essential. This text is designed to help the student develop sufficient writing competency to
produce papers and exams acceptable in any college level course.

Robert T. Carroll
Sacramento City College
May 1990
















Acknowledgment and dedication. For the first half of my teaching career at Sacramento City College I
was fortunate to have had Les Read as my colleague in the philosophy department. Les was one of my
closest friends until his sudden death at age 48. Ed Stupkawho taught college success classesLes,
and I spent many fruitful hours discussing, arguing, and evaluating various teaching techniques and ideas.
Without their insights and criticisms, this guide would not have been written.
The Los Rios Community College Board of Trustees granted me a sabbatical leave in the spring of
1986 to complete this project.


STUDENT SUCCESS GUIDE: WRITING SKILLS

Table of Contents


1. INTRODUCTION 1
1.1 WRITING - BASIC CHECKLIST 2
Exercise 1 - Writing : Checking the Basics 3
2. ELEMENTS OF SATISFACTORY WRITING 4
2.1 CLARITY 4
Exercise 2 - Clarity in Writing 6
2.2 COHERENT AND FOCUSED WRITING 7
2.2.1 TITLES 8
2.2.2 INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPHS 9
Exercise 3 - Checking Titles & Introductions 11
2.2.3 BODY PARAGRAPHS 13
Exercise 4 - Checking Points & Support 15
2.2.4 TRANSITIONS 16
Exercise 5 - Checking Transitions 18
2.2.5 CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH 18
Exercise 6 - Checking Conclusions 18
2.2.6 WRITING ESSAYS - A CHECKLIST 19
2.3 A METHOD FOR WRITING ESSAYS 20
Exercise 7 - Grouping Ideas 25
Exercise 8 - Listing, Grouping & Outlining 30
2.3.1 SUMMARY - USING THE SLOOWER METHOD 32
2.4 WRITING THE IN-CLASS ESSAY 33
2.4.1 PREPARING FOR THE EXAM 33
2.4.2 WRITING THE ESSAY 33
2.4.3 SUMMARY : WRITING THE IN-CLASS ESSAY 35
2.5 GENERAL WRITING TIPS 36

SUGGESTED ANSWERS TO EXERCISES 1-6 38





1



1. INTRODUCTION


ithout a doubt, the most
important invention in human
historv is writing. lt provides a
relativelv permanent record of
information, opinions, beliefs,
feelin,s, ar,uments, explanations, theories,
etc. Writin, allows us to share our
communication not onlv with our
contemporaries, but also with future
,enerations. lt permits people from the near
and far-distant past to speak to us. Whv then,
,iven all of the beautv and benefits of writin,,
do so manv students hate it'
Part of the distaste for writin, must be
accounted for bv the associations students
make with it. Writin, is often tau,ht in such a
wav that student failures, rather than
successes, are focused on. 1he writin, process
is learned, bv and lar,e, in an environment of
constant criticism and repeated failure.
Creative use of lan,ua,e, inventive thinkin,,
and critical reasonin, often evoke not praise
but hostilitv. Some teachers even use writin,
as a form of punishment. ln addition, manv
students remember their earliest writin,
experiences as involvin, dull or irrelevant
topics (similar to their first readin,
experiences).
lurthermore, manv students were never
required to learn proper spellin, or ,rammar.
1hese poor students come to think that
"ln,lish" and "writin," are nothin, but spellin,
and ,rammar. 1o them, writin, means
inevitable failure. Oood writin, is somethin,
thev believe thev will never be able to achieve,
because thev not onlv identifv ,ood writin,
with proper spellin, and ,rammar, but thev are
,overned bv the self-servin, and false notion





that thev can't learn how to spell correctlv or
how to construct ,rammaticallv correct
sentences.
However, ,ood writin, is not equivalent to
,ood spellin, and ,rammar. ln fact, there will
be no advice or instruction in those areas here.
1his text presupposes that the student knows
both that correct spellin, is expected and how
to find the correct spellin, of anv word. lt also
presupposes that knowled,e of a lan,ua,e's
,rammar and correct word usa,e are necessarv
conditions for ,ood writin, in that lan,ua,e.
ln short, this text assumes that the student
knows:

(1) how to properlv construct a sentence,

(2) that subjects and verbs must a,ree in
number (sin,ular subjects require sin,ular
verbs, plural subjects require plural verbs),

(3) that the reference of pronouns should
not be ambi,uous,

(1) that there should be consistencv of
person and tense in writin, (no shifts from first
to third person writin, or from present tense
to past tense writin,, unless there is a verv
,ood reason to do so), and

(5) that correct spellin,, punctuation,
capitalization and word usa,e are required.





2

WRITING - BASIC CHECKLIST


Before turning in a writing assignment, go through this basic checklist.


1. Is every sentence complete, not a fragment?

2. Do the subject and predicate agree in number in each sentence?

3. Is every word spelled correctly?

4. Are sentences punctuated correctly?

5. Are words capitalized properly?

6. Does each pronoun unambiguously refer to its antecedent?

7. Do you stay in the same tense and person throughout?

8. Are all words used correctly?



3

XRCIS 1. CHCKINC TH BASICS


Use the WRl1lNO - BASlC CHlCKllS1 to check the followin, essav. Correct anv errors.
Check vour corrections a,ainst the corrected version printed in the ANSWlRS 1
lXlRClSlS, pa,es 3o-39.


CAPl1Al PUNlSHMlN1


1hrou,hout historv the question of capitol punishment has been a cause of much
controversv. l believe that capital punishent is not moralv justifvable on the ,rounds that it is
immoral to kill a human bein,. And, the affect of killin, criminals is too encoura,e violence.
1hose in favor of capital punishment claim that it is a deterant to crime. 1hev also lo,icallv
claim that it help to alleviate the over-crowded situation in most fedral and state institutions.
Another often heard defense is that executin, criminals could of saved the taxpavers manv
dollars that could of been spent on food, shelter and clothin, durin, a lifetime sentence.
1heir has actuallv been little to substantiate the deterant theorv because few criminals
consider ,ettin, cau,ht when plannin, an ille,al action. 1he theorv is, for the most part, archaic
and irrevalent to the question of capital punishment. lt is, in fact, another question in it's self.
While it is true that are penal institution our over-crowded, this is not a reason to kill people.
lf this lo,ic is excepted, it would be permissible to kill three quarters of New York citv. Crowded
conditions and criminal punishment should not be confused with each other. 1hevr'e seperate
problems whose existance indicates that there is to much confusion.
As to the third claim, that much monev would be saved, l ask vou to value the worth of a
dead man. While it is true that the criminal who has been executed will no lon,er commit
crimes, a person who is helped to become a useful citizen can become quite viable.
lt is true, that there mav be incori,able people, who manv people will think should be killed:
but that person has the same ri,ht as evervone else. He need, perhaps, more help than
others--but l do not believe that its reallv a sound reason to kill him--or havin, him killed. 1he
hole of societv is effected in a bad wav when we start killin, in the name of law and order. 1he
countries attitude better start chan,in, or we'll all be in a mess.
lf it is wron, to kill one man, its twice as wron, to kill two.





1

2. LMNTS OI SATISIACTORY
WRITINC


o one likes to be reminded of
their shortcomin,s or failures.
Constant criticism isn't ,ood for
the e,o or self-confidence.
Checkin, vour writin, for
correct sentence structure, mechanics, word
usa,e, spellin,, punctuation and
capitalization--and makin, the needed
corrections--will reduce the amount of adverse
criticism vou'll receive on vour writin,
assi,nments. lverv writin, assi,nment done at
home ou,ht to be nearlv error-free.
Writin, in class, without the benefit of
surplus time, dictionaries, writin, texts, and
the like poses special problems for some
students. Some teachers allow students to use
dictionaries durin, exams. lf vour teacher
allows this, make sure vou brin, vour
dictionarv to school on the dav of the test. (lt
is a ,ood idea to carrv a small dictionarv with
vou while at school.)
lf, however, vou are unable to write
basicallv proper and correct in-class
assi,nments, then vou should not enroll in a
course which requires a si,nificant amount of
in-class writin,. You will need to work on vour
basic writin, skills before vou attempt such a
course. (Most likelv, vou will need to enroll in
a developmental writin, course.)
Assumin, that vou are able to write
basicallv proper and correct in-class
assi,nments, there are still three elements vou
should check before turnin, in anv written
assi,nment: CLARlTY, COHLRLNCL anJ
IOCLS.
Most student writing failures in
mainstream (i.e., non-developmental)
courses are due to lack of clarit,, coherence
and/or focus.
You do not need to become an excellent
writer in order to do well on writin,
assi,nments in vour non-ln,lish courses. But
vou must be able to write well enou,h to
communicate to vour teachers that vou
understand vour assi,nments and have learned
the material. However, vou can't demonstrate
what vou know if vou can't focus on a subject
and write clearlv and coherentlv about it.


2.1 CLARITY


Insufficient clarit, ma, be due to
vagueness, ambiguit, or obscurit,.
Va,ueness is usuallv a matter of usin, a word
or expression whose meanin, is not precise or
definite enou,h. Referrin, to a philosophical
ar,ument as 'stupid', without explainin, in
what wav the ar,ument fails, would be an
example of va,ue writin,. ften, qualitative
terms are va,ue. lor example, we all want to
,et rid of 'ncompetent' teachers, but just what
is meant bv 'incompetent teacher'' r, we
want to ,et rid of the 'jat' in ,overnment, but
just what is meant bv 'fat''
ften, too, quantitative expressions
re,ardin, amounts, dates, times, etc. are
va,ue, e.,., 'not very much monev will be
needed to build a new national defense
svstem'. (Just how much is 'not verv much'')
ften, a ,ood example or illustration will
reduce or eliminate va,ueness. With
quanttatve terms, however, the best wav to
reduce or eliminate va,ueness is to substitute
the va,ue expression with one which is more
precise. With qualitative terms it will usuallv
be necessarv to provide a precsng Jejnton,
i.e., a list of conditions which an item must
fulfill to have the term correctlv applied to it.

Ambiguit, occurs when a word or



5

expression is used in such a wa, that it can
be understood in more than one wa,.
Ambi,uitv is usuallv a matter of carelessness
and often involves usin, a pronoun whose
referent is unclear. lor example, "laws involve
commands, duties and sanctions. 1hev are
interrelated." lt is not clear what 'thev' refers
to. ften, the onlv wav to eliminate pronoun
reference ambi,uitv is to not use the pronoun.
l.,. "laws involve the interrelated concepts of
commands, duties and sanctions" (rather than
the two sentences used in the previous
example).
Sometimes it is not what a word refers to
that is unclear, but what sense the word has in
a particular context. lor example, if a si,n bv a
lake said IIN IOR IISHINC would it mean
that the fishin, is ,ood or that it is lawful to
fish or that it is not lawful to fish' Usuallv the
context makes it clear what sense of a word is
intended. lf it doesn't, then the ambi,uous
expression ou,ht to be exchan,ed for one that
is clear. (l.,., "$2O line for lishin," or "lawful
to lish Here" or "lxcellent lishin, Here",
dependin, on what meanin, is intended bv the
ambi,uous expression.)

Sometimes the grammatical structure of
a sentence makes it ambiguous. When this is
the case, the writer often ends up savin, one
thin, but meanin, another. lor example,
"Walkin, down the street, her house seemed
to ,et bi,,er." (1he house is walkin,,
accordin, to this sentence. lt should read
somethin, like "As she walked down the
street, her house appeared to ,et bi,,er."
What if she had written, "As she walked down
the street, it seemed to ,et bi,,er"' How
would vou correct that sentence') 1he onlv
wav to eliminate ,rammatical ambi,uitv is to
correct the ,rammatical structure of the
sentence so that it is clear what vou mean to
sav and vou sav what vou mean.

Obscurit, in student writing is usuall,
due to incorrect word usage or convoluted
sentence structure. 1he former can be
reduced bv onlv usin, words vou know the
meanin, of. 1he latter can often be reduced
bv simplv reducin, the len,th of a sentence.
ften, however, obscure writin, is due to lack
of clear connection between ideas, such as
between a ,eneral claim and its application. ln
such cases, a ,ood example or illustration can
clarifv matters substantiallv. lor example,
"Oood reasonin, should be clear. 1hat is,
there should be no doubt as to what vour point
is and what vour supports for that point are."




6

XRCIS 2 - CLARITY IN WRITINC (Answers on pages 39-40.)

Ior each of the following paragraphs: a. Circle an, vague or ambiguous expressions. (Suggest wa,s to clarif,
or rewrite the material so that it is clearer.)
b. Mark obscure sentences or passages with a marginal, vertical line next to the obscurit,. (Tr, to rewrite
the passage in clear nglish.)
c. Indicate places where examples or illustrations are needed.

1. I had a terrible time driving last week. On Monda,, coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided
with a tree I don't have. On Tuesda,, a pedestrian hit me and went under m, car. The gu, was all over the road.
I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. On Wednesda,, as I approached the intersection, a stop sign
suddenl, appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. So, when I saw that I couldn't avoid
the collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into another car. But the worst was ,et to come. On Thursda,,
an invisible car came out of nowhere, struck m, vehicle and vanished!

2. Walking in the rain, the house got dimmer and dimmer. I saw Mar, and asked her how her mother was.
Mar, hated her mother. She was ver, cruel. She told me that Carol and her mother did not see e,e to e,e on
her friendship with ]onathan. She's a sociologist who makes her living b, showing the degrading effects of
povert, and ignorance. She once had severe pains when she laid on her side for over a ,ear.

3. Objective considerations of contemporar, phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in
competitive activities exhibits no tendenc, to be commensurate with innate capacit,, but that a considerable
element of the unpredictable must invariabl, be taken into account.

4. Toda, there was an event at the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant in Penns,lvania. There was some
slight energetic disassembl, and rapid oxidation. We consider these events, however, to be normal aberrations.
There was some infiltration as plutonium took up residence in a restricted area. Those communities with
similar nuclear reactors need not worr, as this event is clearl, within an acceptable flat band of risk.

5. We must not allow police brutalit,. Too much violence b, a policeman should lead to automatic suspension
from the force while the incident is being investigated. xcessive brutalit, should not be tolerated in a free
societ,. Libert, and police terrorism do not mix well in a democrac,. Let's stop this brutalit, now, before it is
too late.

6. Cenerall, speaking, abortion should not be allowed. But there are some situations where it should be up to
the woman and her ph,sician, not the state or the communit,. These situations should be clear to ever,one
with even half a brain, so I won't go into an, detail.

7. In respect to abortion, this phenomenon exists with relation to the premise that the unborn person is in fact a
person in ever, sense of the word, due all rights which accompan, the state of personhood. Most importantl,,
the fetus is due its right to life. I shall assume that ever,one is well aware that argumentation on this particular
premise is still being conducted and no true conclusion is realisticall, foreseen upcoming in the near future.
Nonetheless, such is the foundation of much anti-abortion argumentation, and since no clear conclusion
appears to be forthcoming, I shall for the breath of the paper accept the premise that the fetus is a person and
examine the development of the argument from there.

S. The first amendment to the federal constitution states that "Congress shall make no laws respecting an
establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." This amendment requires the separation of
church and state, and since public schools are run b, the government at some level, religious activit, in public
schools has been closel, watched.


7

2.2 COHRNT AND IOCUSD
WRITINC

Coherent writing has clear connections
between ideas, between sentences, and
between paragraphs. locused writin, has a
clear purpose and a clear topic. Connections
establish relations and make transitions. |See
mv Student Success Cuide - Part I, Stud,
Skills, especiallv the material on transitional
expressions, relations, and the lan,ua,e of
questions, viz., sections 1.3, 1.1 and 1.5.]
Iocus establishes what ,ou are writing
about and wh,. Without focus, writing
cannot be coherent.
Manv students confuse writing about an
issue with focusin,. 1hev are not identical.
IOCUSD WRITINC STABLISHS IN
TH BCINNINC PARACRAPH A
PRCIS TOPIC AND PURPOS. 1he
remainin, para,raphs must then be related to
the established topic and purpose. An essav on
the harmful effects of porno,raphv, for
example, would not necessarilv be focused
simplv because everv sentence in the essav had
somethin, to do with porno,raphv. 1o be
focused, the sentences would have to be
relevant to the purpose of the essav.
Student writing often fails because it
does not have a clear focus or purpose. lt
rambles or wanders from point to point,
without anv clear direction. lt is, in short,
incoherent. Much adverse criticism on written
assi,nments can be avoided bv learnin, to
write coherentlv. 1he first step is to learn how
to focus vour writin,. lor this, we will return
to some sli,htlv modified material on focused
readin, which was introduced in the Student
Success Cuide - Stud, Skills book.
Coherent essa, writing has four parts: title,
introduction, main bod,, and conclusion.
1hese parts must be clearlv related to each
other, as indicated bv the followin, outline of
the structure of a well-formed essav.

S1RUC1URl l AN lSSAY

l. 1itle
ll. lntroduction (to the essav)
lll. Bodv (of the essav)
A. Para,raph
a. Main or subsidiarv point
b. Support for main or subsidiarv point
i. Back,round material
ii. lllustrations or examples
iii. Reasons
aa. Su,,estin, purposes
bb. Supportin, conclusions
cc. Oivin, explanations
c. 1ransitions
B. Para,raph
. . . .(same as above, lll.A). . . .
lV. Conclusion (of essav)



o

2.2.1 TITLS


The title of an essa, should reveal its topic. Since a title should be short, it usuallv should
not reveal in detail what the writer plans to do with that topic. 1itles of student essavs often
reveal the presence or lack of focus. Oenerallv speakin,, the more specific a title is, the more
focused the writin, tends to be.
Below are four lists of titles, each descendin, from more ,eneral titles to more specific ones.
Note how the more specific the title is, the clearer the idea is as to what the essav will focus on.



XAMPLS OI SSAY TITLS


l. Oreece
Oreek 1ra,edv
Sophocles and 1ra,edv
"Anti,one"
1he Concept of Dutv in "Anti,one"
Would Anti,one Have Been a Draftdod,er'


ll. Ood
1he lxistence of Ood
Proofs for the lxistence of Ood
1he lmpossibilitv of Provin, Ood lxists


lll. Oreece and l,vpt
Reli,ion and Art in Oreece and l,vpt
1he Social and Political lunction of Reli,ious Art in Ancient Oreece and l,vpt


lV. Abortion
Ar,uments for and a,ainst Abortion
Reason and lmotion in Abortion-Ar,uments
Reasonable Ar,uments in the Abortion Controversv


9

2.2.2 INTRODUCTORY PARACRAPHS


Titles and introductor, paragraphs
should be closel, related. 1he introductorv
para,raph must contain an openin, statement
and a thesis statement. 1he openin, para,raph
should establish a context, it should let the
reader know what the topic is in more detail
than the title. lt should inform the reader of
the writer's intentions: what are vou ,oin, to
trv to do in the paper' Oood writers use

the introduction to stimulate interest in the
essav bv indicatin, some interestin, fact about
the topic's historv or bv notin, its si,nificance
or value.
Below vou will find examples of introductorv
para,raphs for each of the most specific titles
from the list of example titles ,iven above.
Note that each example lets the reader know
the thesis and purpose of the essav.



Example 1
Would Antigone Have Been a Draftdodger!

"Anti,one" has si,nificance for the modern reader even thou,h it was written two
thousand vears a,o. 1he question of what one should do when dutv to the state conflicts
with moral dutv must still be asked. Anti,one's dilemma is the same that faced manv
voun, men durin, the Vietnam War. 1o understand her behavior in Sophocles'
masterpiece, we must understand her concept of dutv. Perhaps bv understandin,
Anti,one's values and actions, we will be able to better understand the draft resistors of
our own countrv. lor, manv of them seemed to share Anti,one's idea of a moral dutv to
obev a 'hi,her law' which conflicts with the law of the state.

Example 2
The Impossibilit, of Proving Cod xists

Whether or not the existence of Ood can be proven bv rational ar,uments has been
debated for centuries. Despite the manv ar,uments for Ood's existence, such as Anselm's
famous ontolo,ical ar,ument or St. 1homas's five proofs, l will show that it is impossible
to prove the existence of Ood.



1O

Example 3
The Social and Political Iunction of Religious Art
in Ancient Creece and g,pt
Example 4
Reasonable Arguments in the Abortion Controvers,

Abortion is a topic likelv to raise more violent emotions than reasoned ar,uments.
Nevertheless, there are some reasonable voices in this emotional wilderness, and it is their
ar,uments on abortion l will present and analvze. A minimum condition for bein, a
'reasonable voice' is not to expect others to accept on faith statements that are
unprovable. 1hus, anv ar,ument that would trv to enforce bv law a proposition that is
unprovable is necessarilv unreasonable, in mv view. Statements such as "Ood infuses a
soul into everv union of human ,ametes at the moment a zv,ote is formed" are
unprovable. lt mav not be unreasonable to believe such a claim in the context of one's
reli,ious faith, but it is unreasonable to require others to share vour faith. ln this essav, l
will explain whv such a demand is unreasonable, as l attempt to demonstrate what
constitutes a reasonable ar,ument on the topic of abortion.


Reli,ion and art were verv closelv connected in both ancient Oreece and l,vpt. But in
Oreece the arts affirmed human freedom and di,nitv, while in l,vpt the arts primarilv
affirmed the power of the pharaoh. Oreek art reflects a humane, non-do,matic view of the
,ods, whereas l,vptian art reflects ri,iditv and stiffness. 1he historv of Oreek art shows us
a dvnamic, chan,in, societv. 1he historv of l,vptian art shows us a static, unchan,in,
societv. 1o understand these differences in art and their relationship to differences in the
social and political structure of the two societies, it is essential to understand the
differences between the reli,ious beliefs which ,ave rise to them.



11

1he example titles and introductions share the common qualitv of bein, well-focused. 1hev
indicate a writer who knows what she is about, and whv. lach title is clear and specific. lach
introductorv para,raph has a clear openin, and thesis statement. Some of the example titles and
para,raphs are more interestin, than others, but the main thin, is that each does what it is
supposed to do.

XRCIS 3 - CHCKINC TITLS AND INTRODUCTIONS

Read each of the followin, titles and introductorv para,raphs. Write a short evaluation of
each para,raph. Do the titles and introductions clearlv state the purpose and focus of the essav'
(Answers on pa,es 1O-11.)


1. Praver in School

"Whv can't freedom to acknowled,e Ood be enjoved a,ain bv children in everv schoolroom
across this land'" 1his question was asked bv President Rea,an in his State of the Union messa,e.


2. 1he Death Penaltv: Ri,ht or Wron,'

1he Death Penaltv has alwavs been a controversial issue. l will trv mv best to present both
sides on equal terms.


3. 1he Moralitv of Abortion

When speakin, of abortion it is at once a moral, medical, le,al, sociolo,ical, demo,raphic,
reli,ious and psvcholo,ical issue, amazin,lv complex and not easilv amendable to
one-dimensional thinkin,. lverv person who considers the permissibilitv of abortion will no doubt
view the issue with varvin, perspectives. When an issue becomes so overwhelmin,lv complex an
individual tends to associate an individual premise of the issue with the issue as a whole. 1his is a
defensive mechanism which makes the issue easier to deal with.


1. llat Rate 1axes

nce scoffed at as an idealistic fool's dream, the modified flat rate income tax is now ,ainin,
serious supporters. 1his is not surprisin, when the merits of the flat tax are compared to the
complexities and apparent inequities of the current pro,ressive income tax. However, if vou look
a little deeper it can be seen that the flat tax is, at best, a step in the ri,ht direction.


12
5. Bilin,ual lducation: Shatterin, the lin,uistic Barrier

Children learn better when tau,ht in their native ton,ue. Children learn better when cultural
disparities are concurrentlv addressed. Children need careful and conscientious trainin, in
learnin,, understandin, and speakin, ln,lish as a second lan,ua,e before learnin, to read and
write it. Meanwhile, children need their curriculum tau,ht in their first lan,ua,e so that their
conceptual development does not suffer. 1herefore, bilin,ual/bicultural instruction in our schools
is an educational asset that should be properlv exercised to ensure the most advanta,eous
learnin, possible.



6. Hand,un Control

Durin, the last decade we have experienced the ,reatest increase of crime in our historv.
lach vear more than 17O,OOO people are killed bv a hand,un. |1] Sales of hand,uns in California
rose 3 percent over last vear and are expected to reach 5 million sales bv the vear 19o7.|2]
Somethin, must be done to stop the violence in our countrv.



7. Ar,ument lavorin, Mandatorv Seat Belt le,islation

1he United States has one of the lowest vehicular fatalitv rates, per miles driven, in the
world. Deaths per 1OO million miles have steadilv declined from 11.2 in 1915 to 3.1 in 1977.
Despite this seemin,lv admirable claim, 15,OOO persons died on U.S. freewavs in 19o2 as a result
of vehicular trauma. 1he problem of road related trauma accounts for more than 9O per cent of
all transport fatalities and is the fourth leadin, public health problem in the United States. lor
voun, adults, ran,in, in a,e from 15 to 21, this is the leadin, cause of death. With the number of
fatalities the United States is now experiencin,, it would be relativelv easv to acquire the
necessarv number of names to fill a memorial wall similar to that of the Vietnam War Memorial
in Washin,ton, D.C.



o. 1he Ri,ht to Die

lt has been estimated that the medical advances of the last 1O vears exceed all medical
pro,ress of the precedin, 1OO vears. 1odav, countless doctors are able to perform life-savin,
miracles on their patients. However, this new technolo,v has also confronted us with a dilemma
we never had to consider before.



13

9. 1he lmmoralitv of Capital Punishment for Murderers

Some proponents of capital punishment justifv the death penaltv on the ,round that it not
onlv deters an executed murderer from committin, anv more murders, but also deters others from
committin, murders, too. 1he first claim is certainlv true: dead men can't commit murders. And
the second part mav verv well be true to some extent, thou,h how si,nificant the deterrent effect
of the death penaltv is remains uncertain. lven so, the central issue re,ardin, the justification of
the death penaltv is not the si,nificance of its deterrent effect. 1he main issue is a moral one, and
deterrence is irrelevant to the moral justification of the death penaltv. lf premeditated killin, bv
the state could be morallv justified solelv bv its consequences, then theoreticallv there can be no
limit to the kinds of actions that the state could justifiablv punish bv death. 1he death penaltv
cannot be morallv justified bv its consequences. lf the premeditated killin, of a convicted criminal
bv the state can be justified, it will have to be on the ,rounds that the criminal deserves such a
punishment because of the nature of his crime. However, l will demonstrate that there is no
crime that deserves death, and thus that capital punishment is immoral.




2.2.3 BODY PARACRAPHS

A satisfactor, introduction informs the
reader of the topic and purpose of the essa,.
1he bodv of the essav should consist of main
points and their support. 1he bodv para,raphs
should fulfill the promise of the introduction.
Refer to section 2.2.2, above. ln
lXAMPll 1 (pa,e 9)--"Would Anti,one
Have Been a Draftdod,er'"--the bodv
para,raphs should explain Anti,one's concept
of dutv and applv it to draft resistors durin,
the Vietnam war. ln lXAMPll 2 (pa,e
9)--"1he lmpossibilitv of Provin, Ood
lxists"--the bodv para,raphs should show how
the standard ar,uments for the existence of
Ood fail and explain whv all such ar,uments
must fail. ln lXAMPll 3 (pa,e 1O)--"1he
Social and Political lunction of Reli,ious Art
in Ancient Oreece and l,vpt"--the bodv
para,raphs should explain the main differences
in reli,ious beliefs between the ancient
l,vptians and Oreeks and show how those
reli,ious differences were expressed in art. lt
should also



demonstrate a connection between the
different arts and the different social and
political institutions in the two societies. ln
lXAMPll 1 (pa,e 1O)--"Reasonable
Ar,uments in the Abortion Controversv"--the
bodv para,raphs should explain whv it is
unreasonable to expect others to accept
unprovable statements which vou take on
faith. lt should also establish criteria for what
constitutes a reasonable ar,ument. linallv, it
should present and analvze some reasonable
ar,uments on abortion.



14
The support for main or subsidiar,
points should consist of


A. BACKORUND MA1lRlAl
and/or
B. lllUS1RA1lNS, lXAMPllS,
QU1A1lNS and/or
C. RlASNS

Background material should be given to
support the understanding of the material.
lts main function is to clarifv the meanin,,
function or si,nificance of the material. How
much and what kind of back,round material
ou,ht to be presented depends upon the
nature of the audience and the purpose of the
writin,. lor example, a paper for an
introductorv philosophv course on Plato's
ar,ument re,ardin, the difference between
knowled,e and opinion should not consist of
several pa,es of bio,raphical information.
Such information would be unnecessarv
because it would not help the reader (vour
teacher) determine whether or not vou
understand Plato's ar,ument. But, anv
concepts peculiar to ancient Oreek societv
which bear upon understandin, Plato's
ar,ument should be presented.
How much back,round information would
be needed for essavs on the topics in the
examples above' lor lXAMPll 1 (pa,e 9),
enou,h information should be ,iven so that
the reader knows who Anti,one is, what
situation exists in the plav that leads to her
moral dilemma, and what she does in response
to her situation. Bio,raphical information on
Sophocles, information on other plavs bv
Sophocles, the ori,ins of Oreek drama, etc.,
are unnecessarv.
lor lXAMPll 2 (pa,e 9), verv little, if
anv, back,round information need be ,iven.
Some information on the purpose of
ar,uments for Ood's existence mi,ht be ,iven.
ther back,round information mi,ht liven up
the essav some, but it is doubtful that it would
clarifv the ar,uments to be presented.
lor lXAMPll 3 (pa,e 1O), back,round
information should be spread throu,hout the
essav as needed to clarifv the specific works of
art, and the reli,ious, social and political
practices and beliefs that are mentioned.
lor lXAMPll 1 (pa,e 1O), verv little, if
anv back,round information is needed. Most
people are aware of the abortion controversv
and of the hi,hlv emotional nature of the
public debate on the issue.



Illustrations, examples and quotations
are given not onl, to clarif, points but to
support general claims. How manv
illustrations, examples or quotations should be
,iven depends on the nature and purpose of
the essav. An essav on a topic such as that in
lXAMPll 3 (pa,e 1O) should contain manv
examples of works of art from both l,vpt and
Oreece. An essav on a topic such as that in
lXAMPll 1 (pa,e 9) would not require manv
illustrations or examples. Several quotations
should be ,iven in lXAMPllS 2 and 1.
Reasons will generall, be statements of
purpose, statements in support of
conclusions, or explanator, statements.
Statements of purpose are reasons whv
someone has done (or will do) somethin,,
includin, whv the author has written what she
did.
Reasons ,iven to support conclusions are
called premises, thev are ,iven to support the
truth or reasonable certaintv of their
conclusions.
Reasons whv some event happened or
some action was taken are ,iven to explain
events or positions.

15




lXAMPll 1 (pa,e 9) would require an
ar,ument to justifv Anti,one's actions and an
explanation of how her situation is like that of
the draft resistor. lXAMPll 2 (pa,e 9)
should present the kinds of reasons ,iven in
traditional ar,uments to support the
conclusion that Ood exists. 1he author must
also present her own reasons in support of her
conclusion that it is impossible to prove Ood
exists.
1he author of the essav in lXAMPll 3
(pa,e 1O) must support the several claims
made in the openin, para,raph re,ardin, both
the relationship of art to reli,ion and the
relationship of art and reli,ion to the social
and political structure of ancient Oreek and
l,vptian societies. 1he author of the essav in
lXAMPll 1 (pa,e 1O) must provide the
demonstration promised in the openin,
para,raph.



XRCIS 4 - CHCKINC POINTS AND
SUPPORT

Read the followin, ar,umentative essav in
support of mandatorv seat belt le,islation.
1. ls the main point of each para,raph
clear' lf it is, paraphrase it in a sin,le
sentence. lf it is not, trv to specifv how it needs
to be improved.
2. lndicate support statements with letters
above them: M or S for Main or Subsidiarv
point, B for Back,round material, l for
lxample or lllustration and R for Reason.
3. lf a support statement is a Reason,
indicate in the mar,in next to it whether it
states a purpose, premise or explanation.
(Answers on pa,es 11-15.)



Argument Iavoring Mandator, Seat Belt Legislation

1he United States has one of the lowest vehicular fatalitv rates, per miles driven, in the
world. Deaths per 1OO million miles have steadilv declined from 11.2 in 1915 to 3.1 in 1977.
Despite this seemin,lv admirable claim, 15,OOO persons died on U.S. freewavs in 19o2 as a result
of vehicular trauma. 1he problem of road related trauma accounts for more than 9O per cent of
all transport fatalities and is the fourth leadin, public health problem in the United States. lor
voun, adults, ran,in, in a,e from 15 to 21, this is the leadin, cause of death. With the number of
fatalities the United States is now experiencin,, it would be relativelv easv to acquire the
necessarv number of names to fill a memorial wall similar to that of the Vietnam War Memorial
in Washin,ton, D.C.
But there is still a lar,er problem that has to be dealt with after the dead are buried. 1he costs
to societv, in terms of medical and rehabilitation costs, insurance premiums, and lost productivitv
to emplovers far exceed the actual economic burdens imposed bv deaths. 1his problem is due to
the sheer number of non-fatal injuries, which is currentlv estimated at 1 million annuallv. lor

16
instance, in medical cases where the costs to the patient or familv amounted to at least $1OO,OOO,
5O per cent had suffered brain and/or spinal cord dama,e. Road trauma produces more new
paraple,ics and quadriple,ics each vear in the United States than anv other form of accident. lt is
also the leadin, cause of epilepsv. Additionallv, on-the-job costs from road trauma directlv and
indirectlv cost U.S. emplovers an avera,e of approximatelv $12O,OOO per victim as a result of
medical insurance, workers compensation, unemplovment taxes, lost workdavs and
administrative costs. 1he total annual price ta, for automobile deaths and injuries is approachin,
57 billion dollars' Yet, we could si,nificantlv reduce this cost bv enactin, mandatorv seat belt
le,islation. ver 11 countries have enacted some form of seat belt le,islation, and 21 of those
forei,n laws have been studied bv the U.S. Department of 1ransportation. 1he focus of the
evaluation was the historv of the laws, implementation, specification of each law, compliance of
seat belt usa,e and the overall effectiveness of each law with respect to reducin, injuries and
deaths. 1he studv found that attitudes about seat belt use and laws did not correlate with
observed behavior. Moreover, enforcement bv police--which in most cases was limited to a small
fine and non-selective enforcement--was si,nificant in equatin, compliance and enactment of
le,islation. All countries saw an immediate 2OO-3OO per cent increase in compliance upon
enactment. Moreover, the avera,e reduction in fatalities and injuries was from 15-3O per cent.
f course, it is difficult to predict if the United States would experience similar success if
mandatorv seat belt le,islation were to be enacted here. But, Canada--a countrv much like our
own in manv relevant respects--witnessed an increase in seat belt usa,e from 17 percent to 76.o
percent when thev enacted their seat belt law. Also, after three vears of livin, with the new law,
Canadians have seen the automobile death and injurv rate drop bv 13 per cent, the number of
hospitalized victims drop bv 16 per cent, the cost of treatment drop bv 1O per cent and the
avera,e cost of rehabilitation drop bv 6.5 per cent. Some of these effects, thou,h, can be
attributed to the fact that speed limits were reduced durin, this same period.
pponents to mandatorv seat belt le,islation ar,ue that the state has no ri,ht to limit their
libertv unless their behavior is harmful to others. 1he truth is that it is not onlv the person who
does not wear a seat belt who is harmed when an accident occurs. 1he rest of us are harmed, too,
bv increasin, our automobile and hospitalization insurance costs and bv increasin, our tax
burden as we are forced to support more and more victims and their families with state monies.
People who used to contribute to the economv and the communitv now become financial
burdens to the communitv. 1he mandatorv seat belt law is no more an unreasonable limitation of
libertv than are traffic laws. Consequentlv, Con,ress or the states ou,ht to enact mandatorv seat
belt le,islation as soon as possible.



2.2.4 TRANSITIONS

While each para,raph has its own
structure, it must be connected to the other
para,raphs to ,ive the whole bodv of the essav
its coherence. 1o indicate a shift from
para,raph to para,raph, or a shift from a main
point to a subsidiarv one, or a shift from one
supportin, point to another supportin, or
contrastin, point, writers use transitional
expressions. 1hese expressions not onlv mark
shifts in ideas, thev also relate ideas. 1hev
connect what comes before them with what

17
comes after them. Usin, transitional
expressions will help vou write coherentlv, for,
it will help vou focus on the relationships of
the various parts of the essav vou are writin,.

Below, vou will find a list of relations and
transitional expressions used to establish them.
ln vour own writin,

1. ldentifv what relationship vou want to
establish between two ideas, then use an
appropriate transitional expression to connect
the ideas.
2. Be careful not to link numerous ideas in a
sin,le sentence.

3. When be,innin, a new line of thou,ht
indicate this bv startin, a new para,raph.






RLATIONSHIPS AND TRANSITIONAL XPRSSIONS


RllA1lNSHlP 1RANSl1lNAl lXPRlSSlN


ADDl1lN and, also, a,ain, besides, moreover,
too, furthermore, in addition, firstlv,

SlQUlNCl next, then, first, last, second, finallv,
soon, since, shortlv

CMPARlSN similarlv, likewise, bv comparison,
in the same (or like) wav (or manner)

CN1RAS1 on the other hand, but, vet, nevertheless,
still, however, on the contrarv, in contrast,
otherwise, despite

lllUMlNA1lN for example, that is, in fact, for instance,
specificallv, particularlv, to clarifv

lXPlANA1lN, for this reason, because, since,
PRl or for, in order to, to this end
AROUMlN1 (premise)

AROUMlN1 (conclusion) therefore, in conclusion, so, thus,
consequentlv, as a result, it follows that


1S


XRCIS 5 - CHCKINC TRANSITIONS

Oo throu,h the essav of lxercise 1 and circle anv transitional expressions. Where vou think
there should be a transitional expression but there is none, write 'tr'. (Answers on p. 15.)


2.2.5 CONCLUDINC PARACRAPH

1he conclusion of an essav should explicitlv tie to,ether the several points made in the bodv
of the essav to the thesis statement made in the introduction. A conclusion should summarize
what an essav has attempted to do and what it has accomplished. You should not include vour
own evaluation of vour work in vour conclusion. let the reader decide on the merits of vour
essav.

XRCIS 6 - CHCKINC CONCLUSIONS

Read the followin, conclusions of essavs. Do thev seem to tie to,ether several points or
summarize what the essav tried to do or accomplish' ln ,eneral terms, what is ,ood or bad about
these conclusions' (Without readin, the entire essav vour comments on a conclusion must be in
verv ,eneral terms.)
(Answers on pa,es 15-16.)



lxercise 6 - Concludin, Para,raphs

1. ln all of the world, there is no place where freedom of reli,ion is more prevalent than in the
United States. 1he opportunitv to worship is available anv time. r,anized voluntarv praver in
the public schools is not necessarv and it is undesirable. 1he certain adverse consequences of
so-called voluntarv praver far outwei,h the uncertain benefits. Children who do not join in the
majoritv's reli,ious activitv will be made to feel persecuted for their reli,ious beliefs. And, if
centuries of pravin, in places of worship have not led to the development of ,ood character and
moral behavior, it bo,,les the mind to think that a few seconds of pravin, to,ether in a profane
place will suddenlv cure all our moral ills.

2. However, l a,ree with his solution and despite some rather disturbin, material, l found his
ar,ument to be much more sound and reasonable.

3. 1hrou,hout the breath of this paper, l have been ,rantin, that the fetus is a person as abortion
opponents su,,est. l have concentrated on questionin, whether their conclusions, abortion is
impermissible for varied reasons, follows their ar,ument with necessitv. l think it does not. l feel

19
that so lon, as a woman has not consciouslv ,iven another person permission to use her bodv, the
other person has no ri,ht to demand use or continued use of her bodv. l view a persons 'ri,ht to
life' as no more than a statement that people should not be killed unjustlv. ln essence, l believe
that a woman has everv ri,ht to decide what happens in and to her own bodv in most cases. All
the premises l've offered to support mv opinion lead me to feel that ,iven the correct motives,
abortion mav be considered morallv permissible. |N1l: leel free to correct anv basic writin,
errors in this para,raph.]

1. lor these reasons and those stated earlier, chan,es toward a flat rate tax, despite the inequities
and problems that mav occur, is an improvement over the existin, svstem.

5. ln re,ardin, the most advanta,eous learnin, environment for the non-ln,lish speakin, child,
evidence concernin, bilin,ual/bicultural education clearlv supports the implementation of such.
A 1979 statement issued bv the New York based Carne,ie Corporation concluded that
"re,ardless of the current debate, the fact remains that there are millions of children in the U.S.
schools who speak little or no ln,lish. Since neither quick immersion nor lSl alone has worked
well with children from low-income, non-ln,lish speakin, back,rounds," reasoned Alan Pifer,
foundation president, "teachin, such voun,sters in their first lan,ua,e while thev are learnin,
ln,lish would appear to be a sensible alternative."

6. Somethin, must be done soon, before another 17O,OOO people are killed this vear.

7. Because l feel mv premises are sound and l have ar,ued and analvzed the opposition, l feel l am
justified in savin, doctors should have a ri,ht to discontinue treatment to terminallv ill patients.

2.2.6 WRITINC SSAYS - A CHCKLIST


Before turnin, in an essav, ,o throu,h the followin, checklist.


1. ClARl1Y

1.1 ls anv expression ambi,uous, too va,ue, or obscure'

1.2 Are definitions ,iven where needed'

1.3 ls the thesis and purpose of the essav clear'

1.1 Are there examples, illustrations and quotations where needed'


2O


2. CHlRlNCl

2.1 ls each sentence clearlv related to those before and after it'

2.2 ls each para,raph clearlv related to those before and after it'

2.3 Are appropriate transition words used to indicate how vour sentences
and para,raphs are related'

2.1 Do statements which need support have sufficient reasons, facts or details to
back them up'


3. lCUS

3.1 Do vou state in the first para,raph vour purpose and focus'

3.2 Does each sentence in a para,raph clearlv relate to the other sentences in
that para,raph'

3.3 Does each para,raph clearlv relate to the other para,raphs'

3.1 Does vour conclusion tie to,ether vour thesis and support'


2.3 A MTHOD IOR WRITINC SSAYS

ritin, will be easier if it is
svstematic and methodical.
1here is no recipe for ,reat
writin,, but there are several
methods for writin,
satisfactorilv.
ne of the more successful methods for
be,innin, essav writers is known as the
SlWlR method. 1he method introduced
here is a variation on that method, it mi,ht be
called the SlWlR method. SlWlR is
an acronvm for

Select a topic.
List vour ideas.
Or,anize vour ideas.
Outline vour essav.
Write vour first draft.
dit vour first draft.
Rewrite vour essav.

1. SLCTINC TH TOPIC. Before
selectin, a topic, consider how much time vou
have to write the essav. Select a topic vou can
fit easilv into vour schedule. Be,in bv drawin,
up a list of possible topics. When makin, up




21
vour list, trv to come up with specIIIc topics
rather than verv ,eneral ones. But even verv
,eneral topics are better than none at all. You
can alwavs narrow down vour topic after vou
have listed vour ideas and before vou be,in
vour outline.
Base vour list on topics su,,ested bv vour
teacher or discussed in class or the text book.
Use the subject index of vour text to ,ive vou
some ideas. lf necessarv, ,o to the librarv and
use the subject catalo,ue index to look up
titles of books, one mi,ht provide vou with a
topic. While makin, vour list of topics, do not
evaluate them. Be,in the selectin, process
onlv after vou have several topics on vour list.

When selectin, a topic, consider what
interests vou and what vour knowled,e of the
potential topics is. lf possible, select a topic
related to vour experience and not too
technical for vou to handle. You do not want
to do more research than is necessarv.
Research takes time.
lf vou have difficultv in selectin, a topic
from vour list, use the process of elimination to
arrive at vour topic. Reject first the topic vou
least want to write about. Repeat this
procedure until vou are left with one topic.
2. MAK A LIST OI IDAS. Use vour
memorv, notes, and studv cards |See
Student Success GuIde - Study
SkIlls, section 6.] to help vou make up a list
of ideas related to vour topic. Your list should
include anvthin, vou can think of that has
anvthin, at all to do with vour topic. Don't be
critical when makin, up the list. 1he point of
this activitv is to list ideas, not to select the
ones vou will include in vour paper. 1hat
comes later.
An example of listin, ideas is ,iven on the
followin, pa,e. 1he topic selected is "Reli,ious
Art in Ancient Oreece and Ancient l,vpt."
look over the list before ,oin, on. (1he list is
copied in lxercise 7. Use the copv as vou read
the next section on or,anizin, vour ideas.)




22
XAMPL LISTINC OI IDAS

Religious Art in Ancient Creece and Ancient g,pt

reli,ion

the Parthenon

moderation

art

temple of Athena Nike

ostentatious

Oreece

temple of Karnak

individualism

l,vpt

pvramids

wealth c luxurv

temples

columns/pillars

povertv

hardship

sculptures

pvlons

statues

poems
Horus

tombs

paintin,s

Athena

li,htness

vases

animals

heaviness

lliad

fate

ri,iditv

architecture

life after death

softness

philosophv

mass

,ods

friezes

colossal size

chan,e
metopes

stvlized

stabilitv

capitals

realism

,oddesses

music

idealism

Sophocles

tra,edies

power

sufferin,

edipus Rex

restraint

pharaoh

hubris

order

democracv

autocracv

freedom

23

3. ORCANIZ YOUR IDAS. 1he

ideas on vour list now must be or,anized into
,roups, so that vou can make an outline for
vour essav. 1o do this, vou will need some
principles or rules accordin, to which vour
ideas will be ,rouped. Sometimes a useful
or,anizin, principle will be obvious. lor
example, vour topic mav lead naturallv to
,roupin, vour ideas into pros and cons, or
contrastin, views on the same subject, or
benefits and drawbacks of a position or
stren,ths and weaknesses of an ar,ument. At
other times, however, vou will have to studv
vour list carefullv as vou ,rope for wavs to
,roup vour ideas.
lt is best to be,in bv eliminatin, those
terms which so ,eneral that thev are likelv to
fit in almost anv ,roupin, vou make. Anv term
which is in vour title ou,ht to be crossed off.
1hus, on the example list, be,in bv crossin, off
'reli,ion', 'art', 'Oreece' and 'l,vpt'.
You can be,in ,roupin, anv item on vour
list, but it is usuallv a ,ood idea to be,in with
some item whose relationship to other items
on the list is clear to vou. Circle that item and
then ,o throu,h the entire list, circlin, the
same kind of items. n the example list a ,ood
startin, point mi,ht be 'temples'. look for
kinds of temples and circle them, viz., 'the
Parthenon,' the 'temple of Athena Nike,' and
the 'temple of Karnak'.
Next, look for an item which is more
,eneral than the item vou started with.
Discover this bv askin, 'what kind of thin, is
it'' lor example, what kind of thin, is a
temple' lt is a reli,ious buildin,. Since
buildin,s are products of architecture, circle
'architecture.' ls there anvthin, else on the list
which is also a product of architecture' Yes,
pvramids and tombs are both products of
architecture. Circle both terms.
linallv, look for items which are more
specific than the item vou started with. ln our
example list, there are several items which are
parts of temples, viz., friezes, metopes, capitals,
columns/pillars, and pvlons. Circle the terms
representin, these items.
Repeat the above procedure until most
items on vour list have been ,rouped. Use
other fi,ures (such as squares, brackets,
diamonds, etc.) to indicate ,roupin,s. lor
example, several of the items on the example
list refer to qualities of Oreek art. 1hese mi,ht
be boxed, viz., 'realism,' 'idealism,' 'restraint,'
'order,' 'softness,' 'individualism,' 'moderation,'
and 'li,htness.' Several terms mi,ht be
or,anized around the principle of qualities of
l,vptian art: 'ri,iditv,' 'mass,' 'colossal size,'
'stvlized,' 'power,' 'stabilitv,' 'ostentatious,' and
'heaviness'. 1hese terms mi,ht be bracketed.
Several items mi,ht be ,rouped accordin,
to the principle of characteristics of Oreek
societv. lor example, 'chan,e,' 'democracv,'
'freedom,' 'povertv and hardship'. 1hese mi,ht
be indicated bv wed,es ('<' and '>'). ther
items refer to characteristics of l,vptian life,
viz., 'pharaoh,' 'autocracv,' 'ri,iditv,' 'wealth
and luxurv'. 1hese terms mi,ht be indicated
bv asterisks. (ltems which fall into more than
one ,roupin,,' such as 'ri,iditv', should be
marked off with more than one set of svmbols,
e.,., *|ri,iditv]*.)
Several of the remainin, items in the example list mav be ,rouped under the headin, of
themes in Oreek tra,edies and epic poetrv, viz., 'hubris,' 'fate,' 'life after death' and 'sufferin,'.
1rian,les mi,ht be used to ,roup these items to,ether with poems, 'the lliad),' 'tra,edies,'
'Sophocles,' and 'edipus Rex)'. |1he item 'literature' mi,ht be added to the list of ideas. A
trian,le would then be put around it and the term 'philosophv' as well, since philosophv, epic
poetrv and tra,edv are kinds of literature. Another option would be to cross off philosophv,

21
indicatin, that it is not relevant to the thesis.]
f the terms which now remain, 'Horus,' 'Athena,' ',ods' and ',oddesses' ,o to,ether (Horus
is an l,vptian ,od, Athena is a Oreek ,oddess). (Slashes mi,ht be used to mark off these terms.)
1hat leaves onlv 'paintin,s', 'vases', 'music', 'animals', 'sculptures' and 'statues'. Before
considerin, what to do with these items, it should be noted that in most ,roupin,s of lists of
ideas, there will be several items that seem to stand alone. Such items are either
(1) relevant, but verv ,eneral (and hence evervthin,] else on the list seems related to them),
or
(2) relevant, but related to nothin, else on the list (and hence the list ou,ht to be expanded
to include other related items), or
(3) irrelevant (and hence items vou should cross off vour list).
1he remainin, items mi,ht be disposed of as follows:
Since paintin, was important in l,vptian reli,ious art, the list ou,ht to be expanded to
include examples (such as tomb paintin,s, hiero,lvphics and papvrus paintin,s). Oreek vase
paintin, would make up a contrastin, ,roup.
Since relativelv little is known about either ancient l,vptian or Oreek music, it would be best
to omit this item from the list.

1he term 'animals' mi,ht be ,rouped with ',ods' and ',oddesses', if the term 'metamorphosis'
is added and ,rouped with them, for, both the ancient l,vptians and Oreeks represented their
,ods as capable of takin, on animal forms. 1his idea is reflected in their art as well.
linallv, the terms 'sculpture' and 'statue' are practicallv svnonvmous. Since sculpture was a
verv important reli,ious art in both ancient l,vpt and Oreece, the list should be expanded to
include several representative examples of Oreek and l,vptian sculptures.



25
EXERCISE 7: GROUPING IDEAS

Use the marks and symbols recommended above in section 3 to group the items in the list below.

reli,ion

the Parthenon

moderation

art

temple of Athena Nike

ostentatious

Oreece

temple of Karnak

individualism

l,vpt

pvramids

wealth c luxurv

temples

columns/pillars

povertv,hardship

sculptures

pvlons

statues

poems

Horus

tombs

paintin,s

Athena

li,htness

vases

animals

heaviness

lliad

fate

ri,iditv

architecture

life after death

softness

philosophv

mass

,ods

friezes

colossal size

chan,e

metopes

stvlized

stabilitv

capitals

realism

,oddesses

music

idealism

hubris

tra,edies

power

pharaoh

Sophocles

sufferin,

autocracv

edipus Rex

restraint

order

democracv

freedom

26



4. OUTLININC TH SSAY. A list with ,roupin,s accordin, to several or,anizin,
principles usuallv makes outlinin, an essav much easier than outlinin, from scratch. 1o illustrate
how to make an outline from a ,rouped list, we will use the above list and or,anizin, principles to
make a preliminarv outline for an essav on "Reli,ious Art in Ancient l,vpt and Oreece".
1he first step is to reor,anize our listed items accordin, to the or,anizin, principles used to
,roup them. Studv the list of items and or,anizin, principles on the next pa,e before continuin,.

27
XAMPL: LIST OI CROUPD ITMS & THIR ORCANIZINC PRINCIPLS


Religious Art in Ancient g,pt and Creece

items organizing principle

temples, the Parthenon t,pes of architecture
temple of Athena Nike
temple of Karnak, pvramids, tombs

friezes, metopes parts of temples
capitals, columns, pvlons

realism, idealism, order, qualities of Creek art
restraint, softness, individualism
moderation, li,htness

ri,iditv, mass, stvlized qualities of g,ptian art
colossal size, power, stabilitv
ostentatious heaviness

chan,e, democracv characteristics of
povertv, freedom, hardship Creek societ,

pharaoh, autocracv characteristics of
wealth, ri,iditv, luxurv g,ptian societ,

hubris, fate themes in Creek
life after death, sufferin, tragedies & epic poems

Horus, Athena gods & goddesses

vases Creek painting

tomb walls, papvrus g,ptian painting

animals, ,ods c ,oddesses metamorphosis

Phidias's 'Athena' Creek sculptures
Praxiteles's Hermes c
Dionvsus, Venus de Milo,
Win,ed Victorv

diorite statues of g,ptian sculptures
pharaohs c their
families,
,iant statues of Ramses ll,
the Sphinx

2o
he outline used as a guide in
writing an essa, should have
the same basic structure as the
essa, itself: title, introduction,
bod, paragraphs and
conclusion. An outline for anv essav should,
therefore, have the followin, form:

l. 1itle
ll. lntroduction
A. penin, Statement
B. 1hesis Statement
lll. Main Points and Support
lV. Conclusion
A. Summarv
B. 1ie to,ether thesis and bodv para,raphs

When making an outline, begin with the
thesis statement. lf vou know what vou are
,oin, to trv to accomplish, the rest of the
outline will be easv to construct (provided vou
have done the necessarv readin,, studvin,,
listin, and or,anizin,).
ne mi,ht take for the thesis statement of
our example the followin,: "Ancient Oreek
reli,ious art expresses a restrained sense of
power, whereas ancient l,vptian reli,ious art
expresses an oppressive sense of power." (1he
title should then be chan,ed to indicate the
narrowin, of focus on power, e.,., "1he
lxpression of Power in the Reli,ious Art of
Ancient l,vpt and Oreece.")
In developing the outline for the essa,,
the thesis statement can serve as a focal
point. lirst, what are the main topics to be
brou,ht up' Second, what main points and
support for them will vou produce' Use vour
or,anized list as a ,uide. lor example, some of
the main topics to be brou,ht up in our
example essav mi,ht be:



- the massive size of sculptures, tombs and
temples in l,vpt
- the moderate size of sculptures, tombs
and temples in Oreece
- the unchan,in,, ri,id, solid qualitv of
l,vptian sculptures
- the chan,in, from idealistic to realistic
sculpture in Oreece
- the humanitv of the Oreek Oods
- the divinitv of l,vptian pharaohs
- the Oreek view of life: life is hard and
then vou die'
- the l,vptian view of life: life is easv and
then vou live forever'
- the theme of conflict amon, the ,ods in
Oreece
- the animal motif in l,vptian reli,ious art



The topics, of course, are not taken
directl, from the organized list of ideas.
1hat list, rather, is used to jar the mind so that
some topics mi,ht emer,e. An example of an
outline based on the above list of ,rouped
ideas and the list of main topics is ,iven on the
next pa,e. Studv it and compare it to the
aforementioned lists before ,oin, on.


29

XAMPL OUTLIN


The xpression of Power in Ancient g,ptian and Creek Art


l. lntroduction.
A. penin, statement.
B. 1hesis: Ancient Oreek reli,ious art expresses a restrained sense of power, whereas ancient
l,vptian reli,ious art expresses an oppressive sense of power.


ll. Bodv para,raphs.
A. l,vptian temples, tombs and sculptures are massive, whereas Oreek ones are
moderate in size.
l. examples of l,vptian buildin,s and sculptures
2. " " Oreek " "
B. l,vptian art is unchan,in, and ri,id, whereas Oreek art chan,es and becomes
naturalistic and realistic
1. l,vptian examples
2. Oreek "
C. l,vptian art depicts a divine pharaoh, whereas Oreek art depicts humanized ,ods
1. l,vptian examples
2. Oreek "
D. 1here are even si,nificant differences in paintin,.
1. comment on l,vptian tomb and papvrus paintin,
2. comment on Oreek vase paintin,
l. 1he Oreek view of life contrasts with their view of the ,ods: life is hard, but even the ,ods
have problems despite bein, immortal, beautiful and a,eless.
l. 1he l,vptian view of life: life is ,ood because we have a divine ruler to ,uide and provide
for us (so the divine ruler must appear verv powerful).


lll. Conclusion: summarize and tie to,ether the contrastin, points about the two societies and
their reli,ious art with respect to the expression of power. 1he Oreeks express power moderatelv
and ,racefullv, whereas the l,vptians express power oppressivelv. 1he Oreek view emphasizes
man's di,nitv as a free and responsible creature doin, the best he can in an unpredictable and
harsh world. 1he l,vptian view emphasizes man's dependence on the pharaoh and his need for
continued obedience if he is to enjov the ,ood life made possible bv his divine ruler.

3O
XRCIS S - LISTINC, CROUPINC & OUTLININC IDAS

1his exercise should be done in preparation for writin, an essav.

a. Brainstorm to come up with a list of ideas on the topic. Don't criticize anv idea as it occurs
to vou. 1he idea is to come up with as manv ideas as possible. listin, should continue either for a
set period of time (e.,., 15 minutes) or until vou are satisfied with the list.

b. Oroup the ideas.

c. Oenerate an outline of the essav from vour ,roupin, of ideas.

d. Use the outline as a basis for the first draft of vour essav.



31

5. WRITINC TH IIRST DRAIT.

The purpose of listing, grouping and outlining ideas is to methodicall, provide focus and
coherence to writing an essa,. Nevertheless, followin, this or anv other method of writin, will
not automaticallv lead to a satisfactorv paper the first time throu,h. After writin, the essav, vou
will need to edit it and rewrite it. ln fact, some essavs will require several drafts and revisions.
lf vou have listed, ,rouped and or,anized vour ideas before attemptin, to write the first draft
of an essav, vou mi,ht consider writin, the conclusion before vou write the bodv para,raphs or
the introduction. lor, vou should alreadv have a thesis statement and have a fairlv ,ood idea of
the topics and support vou're ,oin, to present before vou be,in writin, vour essav. Havin, a thesis
statement and knowin, in ,eneral what kind of support vou will be ,ivin,, will allow vou to write
a para,raph which ties to,ether vour thesis and support. Havin, established a thesis and a
conclusion before writin, vour essav will ,ive added Iocus to vour writin,.
Next, write the bodv para,raphs, makin, sure that each para,raph sticks to a clear topic and
that each point is supported bv appropriate examples, quotations or reasons. 1rv to make clear
transitions between para,raphs, but do not spend too much time worrvin, about transitions in
the first draft. You can work on tvin, the material to,ether when vou edit and revise vour essav.
Conclude writin, vour first draft bv writin, the introduction to vour essav. lnclude in vour
introduction enou,h back,round information--includin, definitions of kev terms, if necessarv-- so
that vour thesis statement will be clearlv understood. |Sometimes a separate para,raph mav be
needed to define kev terms. lf there are several terms that must be defined, but whose definitions
are not needed to understand the thesis statement, a separate para,raph ou,ht to precede the
bodv para,raphs.] 1rv to ,ive some hint as to the si,nificance of the topic.

6. DIT YOUR WRITINC. Use the checklists from activities 37 and 11 to ,uide vou in
editin, vour essav. Pav particular attention to makin, transitions and to providin, sufficient
support for vour points.

7. RWRIT YOUR SSAY. Use vour edited draft as a basis for rewritin, vour essav.
When vour next draft is completed, repeat step 6. lf necessarv repeat step 7.


2.3.1 CONCLUSION: A WRITINC MTHOD


Methodical writing often helps the beginning writer accomplish his or her task without
as much agon, and grief as non-methodical writing. 1here are several methods for writin,
satisfactorilv. 1he SlWlR method recommended here will serve manv of vou as it is, some of
vou mav benefit from vour own modified version of the method. Still others mav be confident
enou,h as writers to be,in bv outlinin, the essav or bv writin, the first draft. However, the
benefits from listin,, or,anizin, and outlinin, before writin, will be reaped not onlv immediatelv
in the effect of better writin,, but lon, after vour essav is written, as well, in the form of more

32
coherent, focused thinkin,.

2.3.2 SUMMARY: USINC TH SLOOWR MTHOD

Use the SlWlR method to write vour next essav. 1o refresh vour memorv, SlWlR
stands for:

Select a topic.

List vour ideas.

Or,anize vour ideas.

Outline vour essav.

Write vour first draft.

dit vour first draft.

Rewrite vour essav.

33

2.4 WRITINC TH IN-CLASS SSAY

2.4.2 Preparing for the xam

Review the "1akin, 1ests" section of the StuJent Success GuJe - StuJy Sk||s book, p. 67.
1hen review the material of the previous section of this book on the SLOOWR method of
writin,.
Make sure that vou have enou,h paper for the exam. You will need one or two sheets for
listin, and outlinin,, and several sheets for vour essav. (l recommend vou have at least 1O-12
sheets of blank, lined, white, o/" bv 11" paper for each essav.) Brin, a pencil with eraser and a
pen (blue or black ink) to the test.

2.4.2 Writing the ssa,

After vou have read the question carefullv, are sure that vou know what is bein, asked, and
have bud,ets vour time, do some brainstormin, and write up a short list of ideas. 1hen, take
some time to or,anize and cate,orize vour ideas in outline form before writin, the essav. 1rv to
outline vour ideas accordin, to some lo,ical order, e.,., pros and cons, ,eneral to specific,
contrastin, views. How much time vou should spend on listin, and outlinin, will varv from
person to person and test to test. Oenerallv, about one-fourth of the time vou have for takin, the
essav exam should be spent preparin, to write the essav. Make sure vour outline covers the entire
question. Before writin, vour essav, write down a clear-cut thesis statement. Do not waste time bv
copvin, the question.

Write ,our conclusion first. Make it brief: no more than four or five sentences. Write it on a
blank, unnumbered sheet of paper and it aside. (Most teachers will require that vou write vour
essavs in ink, Check with vour instructor if vou are in doubt as to whether vou mav write in
pencil.) Your outline should be specific enou,h for vou to state in summarv form (for vour
conclusion) vour thesis and tie to,ether vour main supportin, material. lf vou write vour
conclusion first, vou will have ,reater focus and coherence in vour essav--providin,, that is, that
vou know what vour thesis is and what support vou are ,oin, to provide for it. lf vou have studied
properlv, this task will not be as difficult as it mi,ht sound.

Next, write vour introduction. Make sure it includes a clear statement of vour thesis and
enou,h back,round information to ,ive the reader a ,ood idea of the nature (and, if possible, the
significance) of the topic.

Before writin, the bodv para,raphs, remember to use separate para,raphs for each major topic
or point brou,ht up. Provide the necessarv support for each point, viz., examples, illustrations,
quotations or paraphrases, facts, dates, events, explanations or premises. Be as specific, detailed
and precise as possible when ,ivin, vour support. And, avoid presentin, irrelevant details,
however interestin,. Don't for,et to use appropriate transitional expressions.

31
As vou are writin,, vou mav discover a better lo,ic to follow than the one used in vour
outline. Don't be afraid to deviate from vour outline. Bv all means, follow the better wav of
presentin, vour case. You can do this without havin, to rewrite vour essav (and therebv take up
valuable time) if vou skip one or two lines while writing and write onl, one paragraph on a
page. Bv skippin, lines vou leave room to insert phrases or sentences. |lndicate an insertion bv
puttin, a wed,e () immediatelv below the place of insertion. Write the inserted material in the
blank space above the wed,e.] Bv writin, onlv one para,raph per pa,e, vou ,ive vourself the
option of movin, para,raphs around. 1ake care to keep track of the order of presentation bv
numberin, each pa,e. lf vou move a para,raph forward, make sure vou chan,e its pa,e number
and the number of all followin, pa,es. While writin, vour essav, use vour pencil to pa,inate so
that chan,es will not be messv. Before turnin, in vour essav, use vour pen to ,o over the penciled
pa,e numbers.

Before turnin, in vour essav, proofread it. Make sure vou allot enou,h time to do this. Correct
anv mechanical errors vou find and make minor insertions, if necessarv. Make sure vou have
pa,inated correctlv. Don't for,et to pa,inate the conclusion.

35
2.4.3 SUMMARY: WRITINC TH IN-CLASS SSAY


1. Brainstorm and list ideas.

2. Write the conclusion.

3. Write the introduction.

1. Write the bodv para,raphs.

5. Proofread and correct the essav.


36
CNRAL WRITINC TIPS


1. Be as clear and as brief as possible.

1.1 Avoid unnecessarv words.

1.2 Avoid paddin,.

1.3 Use onlv words vou are familiar with.

1.1 Keep vour sentences short.

2. Be as specific and accurate as possible.

2.1 Avoid broad, unjustified ,eneralizations.

2.2 lnclude names, dates, specific events or ideas that stren,then vour points.

2.3 Use examples, illustrations and quotations, but use them sparin,lv. Remember to be
brief.
1


3. Oive credit to vour sources.

3.1 lf vou take an idea from an author (even if vou don't copv it exactlv) and write it down in
vour paper without anv indication of the source of vour idea, then vou appear to be presentin,
the ideas as if it were vour own. 1his kind of idea theft is known as plagiarism.
2


1. ldit and revise vour writin,.



1
lxamples and quotations should flow smoothlv with what precedes and follows them. lf thev are too lon,, thev can
cause the reader to lose track of what he or she is readin,. As a rule of thumb, everv quotation should be commented on
and the quotation should be no lon,er than the commentarv.

2
A common wav to credit a source of an idea is to use a footnote. 1here are several acceptable wavs to footnote. lind
out the method vour teacher requires.

37
1.1 Correct errors.

1.2 Make smooth transitions.

1.3 Add detailed support where necessarv.

1.1 lliminate evervthin, that is unnecessarv wither to support vour points or to help
understand either the meanin, or the si,nificance of them.

3o



SUGGESTED ANSWERS TO EXERCISES


ANSWERS TO EXERCISES


EXERCISE 1 - WRITING: CHECKING THE BASICS


Below is the corrected version of this essay. Corrections are underlined.


CAPl1Al PUNlSHMlN1

Throughout history the question of capital punishment has been a cause of much
controversy. I believe that capital punishment is not morally justifiable on the grounds
that it is immoral to kill a human being. And, the effect of killing criminals is to
encourage violence.
Those in favor of capital punishment claim that it is a deterrent to crime. They also
logically claim that it helps to alleviate the overcrowded situation in most federal and
state institutions. Another often heard defense is that executing criminals could save
the taxpayers many dollars that could be spent on food, shelter and clothing during a
lifetime sentence.
There has actually been little to substantiate the deterrent theory because few
criminals consider getting caught when planning an illegal action. The theory is, for the
most part, archaic and irrelevant to the question of capital punishment. It is, in fact,
another question in itself.
While it is true that our penal institutions are overcrowded, this is not a reason to kill
people. If this logic is accepted, it would be permissible to kill three-quarters of New
York City. Crowded conditions and criminal punishment should not be confused with
each other. They're separate problems whose existence indicates that there is too
much confusion.
As to the third claim, that much money would be saved, I ask you to value the worth
of a dead man. While it is true that the criminal who has been executed will no longer
commit crimes, a person who is helped to become a useful citizen can become quite
valuable.
It is true that there may be incorrigible people who many people will think should be
killed; but that person has the same right as everyone else. He needs, perhaps, more
help than others, but I do not believe that it's really a sound reason to kill him or have
him killed. The whole of society is affected in a bad way when we start killing in the
name of law and order. The country's attitude better start changing or we'll all be in a
mess.
If it is wrong to kill one man, it's twice as wrong to kill two.

39

XRCIS 2 - CLARITY IN WRITINC


1. 1his para,raph is a compilation of statements made bv drivers who had been in automobile
accidents. Most of the statements are examples of not savin, what one means to sav--of savin,
somethin, that literallv means somethin, different from what we understand was probablv
intended.

2. As we were walkin, in the rain, the house li,hts ,ot dimmer and dimmer. l saw Marv and
asked her how her mother was. Marv hated her mother. Marv was verv cruel. She told me that
Carol and Carol's mother did not see eve to eve on Carol's friendship with Jonathan. Marv's a
sociolo,ist who makes her livin, bv publishin, articles on the de,radin, effects of povertv and
i,norance. Marv once had severe pains when she lav on her side. 1hat situation lasted for over a
vear. |Note: there are several alternative wavs to clarifv the above statements. 1he first sentence
has the house walkin,. lt is clear that in the second sentence 'her' refers to Marv in both cases.
'She' is ambi,uous in statement three. 'She' and both instances of 'her' are ambi,uous in
statement four. And, 'she' and 'her' are ambi,uous in statement five. Statement five also savs that
the sociolo,ist is livin, in povertv and de,radation--which is probablv not what was meant. 'She'
is ambi,uous in statement six, which asserts that "she" laid on her side for a verv lon, time and
,ot a severe pain (who wouldn't'''), but that is probablv not what was meant.]

3. 1his passa,e is Oeor,e rwell's famous 'translation' of the well-known verse from lcclesiastes):
"l returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the stron,,
neither vet bread to the wise, nor vet riches to men of understandin,, nor vet favour to men of
skill, but time and chance happeneth to them all. rwell comments on his translation into
"modern ln,lish": "1his is a parodv, but not a verv ,ross one....1he whole tendencv of modern
prose is awav from concreteness....if vou or l were told to write a few lines on the uncertaintv of
human fortunes, we should probablv come much nearer to mv ima,inarv sentence than to the
one from Lcc|esastes. See Oeor,e rwell, "Politics and the ln,lish lan,ua,e" in lnsJe the
Wha|e anJ Other Lssays (New York: Pen,uin Books, 1957) pp. 119-15O.


1. 1his passa,e is a compilation of statements made bv representatives of the Nuclear Re,ulatorv
Commission after the nuclear accident at 1hree Mile lsland. "An event" was a euphemism for
nuclear accident. "Sli,ht ener,etic disassemblv" is a euphemism for explosion and "rapid
oxidation" means fire. 1he expression "normal aberration" is self-contradictorv, a feeble attempt
to make the horrible seem normal. "lnfiltration" and the reference to plutonium "takin, up
residence" were euphemisms for radiation contamination. 1he expression "acceptable flat band of
risk" is exactlv the kind of expression rwell warned us of.

5. 1he expression 'police brutalitv' is too va,ue. Some criteria for identifvin, what kind of
behavior bv a police officer is 'brutal' are needed. 1he expressions 'too much violence' and
'excessive brutalitv' are too va,ue. Words such as 'libertv' and 'brutalitv' are hi,hlv emotive,
thou,h what their co,nitive content is mav be difficult to state.

1O

6. 1he situations referred to--where abortion should not be allowed--ou,ht to be described in
clear detail.

7. 1his passa,e is verv obscure. A clearer version mi,ht read: "l will assume in this paper that the
unborn is a person and is due all the ri,hts due to anv person, especiallv the ri,ht to life. l am
aware that manv people disa,ree with this position."

o. 1his passa,e seems clear enou,h.



ANSWRS TO XRCIS 3 - CHCKINC TITLS AND INTRODUCTIONS


1. 1he title is ,ood but not ,reat. lt could be more specific, indicatin, what position the author
takes. 1he introductorv para,raph is poor. 1he connection between the title and the question
asked is not clear. Nor is it clear what the purpose of the paper is. lt is clear the author has
written on the subject of praver in school and that the author believes (with Rea,an) that
children are not now, but used to be, free to acknowled,e Ood in the schoolroom. But we have
no idea what kind of ar,ument the author is ,oin, to make.

2. 1he title indicates that the author is ,oin, to address the issue of the moralitv of the death
penaltv. But the first para,raph indicates that the author has no such intention, there the author
states that he/she is ,oin, to present conflictin, views on the subject of the death penaltv. We
have no idea whv the author is ,oin, to do this, i.e., what si,nificance there is in presentin, "both
sides". (Does the author intend to present the 'ri,ht side' and the 'wron, side'')


3. 1he title is ambi,uous. ls the author indicatin, that he/she is ,oin, to defend the claim that
abortion is morallv justifiable' r is the author indicatin, that he/she is ,oin, to write about some
moral issues with respect to abortion' 1he openin, para,raph is obscure. 1he author seems to be
savin, that abortion is a complicated issue. 1he rest of the para,raph is unclear and unfocused.

1. 1his title and introduction are verv ,ood. 1hev indicate a writer with ,ood focus and a clear
idea of what he/she is about.


5. 1his title and openin, para,raph, while cluttered with details, does indicate a clear focus.
1here is no doubt what this paper is about and what it is ,oin, to trv to accomplish.

6. 1his title and introduction indicate that the author believes there is a connection between the
use of hand,uns and the risin, tide of violence. lt is obvious that the author is ,oin, to ar,ue that

11
there is such a connection and that re,ulatin, hand,un use will have a si,nificant effect on
violent crime. But the author does not sav this--we must surmise it from the kind of claims he/she
makes. We shouldn't have to make surmises as to what the author is ,oin, to do, the author
ou,ht to make it clear to us in the title and introductorv para,raphs. 1his example is certainlv
more focused than number 1-3, but less focused than 1 or 5.

7. 1his title is certainlv specific. 1he data presented in the openin, para,raph clearlv indicate
that the author thinks manv lives could be saved bv requirin, seat belts to be worn. 1he author
should state this in the openin, para,raph and ,ive some indication as to what kind of evidence
there is that he/she is ,oin, to present in defense of mandatorv seat belt le,islation.

o. 1here is a ,ood indication what this essav is ,oin, to be about and what position the author is
,oin, to take. 1he author should have stated what the dilemma is that he/she refers to. More
focus could be indicated bv statin, preciselv what dilemma it is we face todav, the relationship of
the ri,ht to die to that dilemma, and the ,eneral position the author plans to take with respect to
the dilemma and the ri,ht to die.

9. 1his is certainlv a verv specific title. 1he openin, para,raph has excellent focus. 1he author
demonstrates ,ood back,round knowled,e re,ardin, the issue and presents a ,ood outline of the
kinds of ar,uments that have been made on the topic addressed.




SUCCSTD ANSWR TO XRCIS 4 - CHCKINC POINTS AND SUPPORT

Argument Iavoring Mandator, Seat Belt Legislation

1he United States has one of
the lowest vehicular fatalitv rates, B 1oo manv people die
per miles driven, in the world. in automobile
Deaths per 1OO accidents each vear.
million miles have steadilv
declined from 11.2 in 1915 to B
3.1 in 1977. Despite this
seemin,lv admirable claim,
15,OOO persons died on U.S. B
freewavs in 19o2 as a result
of vehicular trauma. 1he
problem of road related trauma B
accounts for more than 9O per
cent of all transport
fatalities and is the fourth

12
leadin, public health problem
in the United States. lor
voun, adults, ran,in, in a,e B
from 15 to 21, this is the
leadin, cause of death.
With the number of fatalities
the United States is now l
experiencin,, it would be
relativelv easv to acquire the
necessarv number of names to
fill a memorial wall similar
to that of the Vietnam War
Memorial in Washin,ton, D.C.
But there is still a lar,er M
problem that has to be dealt Automobile accidents
with after the dead are also cost us billions
buried. 1he costs to societv, M of dollars a vear
in terms of medical and in lost wa,es and productivitv to emplovers
rehabilitation costs, insurance
premiums, and lost productivitv far
exceed the actual economic
burdens imposed bv deaths.
1his problem is due to the
sheer number of non-fatal R premise, support for
injuries, which is currentlv previous claim
estimated at 1 million annuallv. lor instance,
in medical cases where the costs
to the patient or familv l
amounted to at least $1OO,OOO,
5O per cent had suffered brain
and/or spinal cord dama,e.
Road trauma produces more new R - premise in support of
paraple,ics and quadriple,ics main point in
each vear in the United States para,raph
than anv other form of
accident. lt is also the R - " "
leadin, cause of epilepsv.
Additionallv, on-the-job costs
from road trauma directlv and R - " "
indirectlv cost U.S. emplovers
an avera,e of approximatelv
$12O,OOO per victim as a
result of medical insurance,

13
workers compensation,
unemplovment taxes, lost
workdavs and administrative
costs. 1he total annual R - " "
price ta, for automobile
deaths and injuries is
approachin, 57 billion
dollars'

Yet, we could si,nificantlv M
reduce this cost bv enactin,
mandatorv seat belt
le,islation. ver 11 countries
have enacted some form of seat
belt le,islation, and 21 of B
those forei,n laws have been
studied bv the U.S. Department
of 1ransportation. 1he focus
of the evaluation was the
historv of the laws, B
implementation, specification
of each law, compliance of
seat belt usa,e and the
overall effectiveness of each
law with respect to reducin,
injuries and deaths. 1he
studv found that attitudes
about seat belt use and laws B
did not correlate with
observed behavior. Moreover,
enforcement bv police--which
in most cases was limited to a B
small fine and non-selective
enforcement--was si,nificant
in equatin, compliance and
enactment of le,islation.
All countries saw an immediate
2OO-3OO per cent increase in B
compliance upon enactment.
Moreover, the avera,e
reduction in fatalities and
injuries was from 15-3O per R - premise in support of
cent. main point in para,raph

11

f course, it is difficult to
predict if the United States S
would experience similar
success if mandatorv seat belt
le,islation were to be enacted
here. But, Canada--a countrv
much like our own in manv
relevant respects--witnessed R - premise in support of
an increase in seat belt usa,e subsidiarv point
from 17 percent to 76.o
percent when thev enacted
their seat belt law. Also,
after three vears of livin, R - premise in support of
with the new law, Canadians both the subsidiarv
have seen the automobile death point in this para,raph
and injurv rate drop bv 13 per and the main point of
cent, the number of the previous para,raph
hospitalized victims drop bv
16 per cent, the cost of
treatment drop bv 1O per cent
and the avera,e cost of
rehabilitation drop bv 6.5 per
cent. Some of these effects,
thou,h, can be attributed to R - explanation
the fact that speed limits
were reduced durin, this same period.

pponents to mandatorv seat R - premise used in
belt le,islation ar,ue that ar,ument a,ainst
the state has no ri,ht to author's position
limit their libertv unless
their behavior is harmful to
others. 1he truth is that it
is not onlv the person who does R - premise in support
not wear a seat belt who is of main point
harmed when an accident
occurs. 1he rest of us are
harmed, too, bv increasin, our R - premise in support of
automobile and hospitalization main point (and of
insurance costs and bv previous premise)
increasin, our tax burden as
we are forced to support more

15
and more victims and their
families with state monies.
People who used to contribute
to the economv and the R - premise in support of
communitv now become financial main point
burdens to the communitv. 1he
mandatorv seat belt law is no
more an unreasonable R - " "
limitation of libertv than are
traffic laws. Consequentlv,
Con,ress or the states ou,ht M
to enact mandatorv seat belt
le,islation as soon as
possible.






ANSWR TO XRCIS 5


1he followin, transitional expressions should have been noted: but, for instance,
additionally, yet, moreover, moreover, of course, but, also, consequently.


ANSWRS TO XRCIS 6


1. 1his conclusion ties to,ether several points and ,ives a ,ood indication of what the essav was
about and what it tried to accomplish.

2. 1his conclusion does not tie to,ether anv points, it does not summarize what the author tried
to accomplish. 1his is not a verv ,ood conclusion.

3. 1his conclusion is practicallv unintelli,ible.

1. 1his conclusion is detached from the reasons alluded to. lt should have been part of that same
para,raph.

5. 1his para,raph seems like it mi,ht be an introductorv, rather than a concludin,, para,raph.
Rather than tie material to,ether, it seems to present a fresh ar,ument.

16

6. 1here is no clear idea as to how this statement connects with the rest of the essav.

7. lt is never a ,ood idea to conclude bv savin, that vou have made a ,ood ar,ument. let the
reader decide the merits of vour essav. Your conclusion should tie to,ether the points of vour
essav or summarize what it tried to accomplish.