Fat butt Santa

It was a lovely Chirstmas day, the sun was shining, but not too much, the birds was singing (what the hell, birds in winter?) anyway it was Christmas! I walked down the stairs and I saw the Chrismas tree, I was so excited to see what presents Santa brought me, but there were no presents, and I was very upset. In my mind I was complaining about myself but I hear screams from the chimney, in my mind was like ,,what the hell is that annoying sound? A part of my mind touhgt that could be Santa, and so it was! Santa was blocked in my chimney! I called 911, and they released Santa, unfourtunatly he couldn't deliver the presents so I become the most hated man on the Earth, more hated than Osama... It was horible, I was fired, I couldn't pay the tickets gave by the Police for killing the Christmas so i lost my house, my wife (eaven if I didn't had one I still lost it....). I eaven tought at suicide, but Don't try suicide, nobody worths it, don't try suicide, nobody gives a damn*. Anyway I called everybody to solve my problem could, not eaven Chuck Noris, it was the worst Christmas from my life! And I become crazy, I moved in Mexic, and from that moment all chimnies in the world must have a minimum diameter on 1 metre. I used to write better but then I took an arrow to the knee!**

Les explications:
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Don't try suicide, nobody worths it, don't try suicide, nobody gives a damn- lyrics from Don't try suicide by Queen I used to write better but then I took an arrow to the knee!- Internet joke