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Ashley Winters Professor Dunn Interpersonal Communication 19 November 2010

Sales people are responsible for representing themselves in a professional way, representing their company in a professional way, and most importantly for selling as many products as they can for as much money as they can. Recently in American culture, however, it has become very popular for people to go online and sell themselves to as many people for as many responses as possible. To add onto that, the agencies that help single people sell themselves also have to sell their agency. It is highly unlikely to turn on the TV and not see an online dating commercial, a phone connection agency, or even both back to back. These businesses make their money by introducing people online or through the telephone. People nowadays find real, lasting, meaningful relationships without even meeting face to face. One major problem that personal ad writers may face is knowing how much to disclose in the advertisement. According to lecture, most levels of disclosure occur during Explorational and Intensifying stages of communication. When it comes to want ads, however, there is no previous communication. In order to achieve the initial Invitational communication, the writer must first disclose enough to let a stranger base an opinion of them, and to hopefully receive a response showing interest. One example a writer that may have struggled determining how much to disclose is an ad that was written as follows: CHRISTIAN woman looking for christian man partner who is sympathetic with woman

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who has mental illness and hears voices but is self controlled (Well, As Long As Shes SelfControlled). This woman may have disclosed too much of herself for an initial introduction, especially since this was out there for everyone to read and she has never met any of her readers. For the most part, people choose to reveal about the same amount of information under the same topics. As personal ads become more popular, there seems to be a general understanding of what belongs in the advertisement and what doesnt. The content of a singles ad is starting to become a social norm for those who apply. The general setup of advertisements contain information regarding likes, interests, appearances, and what he or she seems to be looking for in a partner. The following seem to be the most common topics: 1. Gender and what gender he or she is interested in 2. Physical appearance desired 3. His or her own physical appearance 4. Whether or not he or she has/ is looking to have children For newspaper ads, writers do not have as much space to write in depth details about themselves. Online dating sites are much more responsive to the needs of specifics facts and allow for longer and more disclosure. One of the sections that the book mentions in detail is the fallacy of approval. This applies to wanted ads because of how people search for acceptance from others, even if that means letting go of their own principles and morals (Adler, Rosenfeld, and Proctor 242-73). This becomes an issue with print advertisements, especially online, because people are waiting for responses and reactions from others who view their profiles and information.

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The thrill of getting a response and being approved of may trump the writers actual feelings, beliefs, and wants. It is very easy for someone to create a false advertisement to appear more attractive or dateable. According to lecture, the attraction theory is comprised of physical appearance and personality. When it comes to writing advertisements for singles, it is difficult to express someones realistic personality or even appearance. Both can be tweaked to portray a person the writer may wish they were. And even if they are able to accurately and fairly display themselves, it becomes difficult for the viewer to properly interpret the advertisement. When I created my own profile on Match.com for this paper, I realized after answering all the questions that what I say about myself may not be how my friends see me. For example, one of the questions asked what my faith was. I answered immediately Christian, because that is what I believe in. But my best friend, who is a very active Christian and attends regular Bible studies and church sessions may not see me as a dedicated Christian, because I dont commit as well as she does. Someone viewing my profile could easily assume that I am a regular church go-er and read my Bible daily. Lines can very easily be crossed when communicating through online or newspaper advertisements. These things are much easier to clear up in face to face communication. There are benefits and downfalls to each type of wanted ad or technology related relationships. Telephone users still get to experience the vocal tone changes and inflections, which really helps the communication process and are beneficial to both sides of the party. The problem with this way of selling oneself is that it lacks physical sight and therefore physical attraction and chemistry may be lacking. The opposite is true with computer bases

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communication. Although images can be portrayed, there are no non-verbal cues to help either single decipher the other. Also an issue with these types of relationships that start with a wanted ad is that the longer the two virtual partners go without seeing each other after first interaction, the more likely they are to be disappointed in each other and experience lack of attraction. One test actually said that people who meet online are actually happier and more content when they never physically meet their significant other (Adler, Rosenfeld, and Proctor 242-73). Research states that physical attractiveness is more attractive to males than to females. When exploring the singles ads on Match.com, both men and women express what they are looking for physically in a partner. There does not seem to be any difference between genders and their desire for an attractive partner. However, just because both male and female stress physical aspects, it is hard to tell which gender values it more just buy the amount of qualities listed. Both men and women list details they want their potential partner to obtain, mostly things such as eye color, hair color, height, and body build. It is not stated though under these subjects just how important these things are. Maybe to be able to tell the difference between how each gender values physical features, there should be a number line in which the person could rate how important each feature is to him or her. This is unrealistic for newspaper ads, due to the lack of space and intimate details. It is also interesting as I explore Match.com how the picture is the first thing that shows up after I click search. A very brief description is also included, but the majority of the space is taken by a picture. In order to obtain more information, I have to specifically click on that individuals profile. This just shows how much American culture values

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physical features. The picture of the single is more important and more available than the personality information. In newspaper or print personal ads, there are no pictures, but a great deal of space is always spent describing appearance. Chemistry and attraction is very important to the personal ad dating world. When I originally logged on to Match.com, there were certain questions I had to answer in order to search for a match. One of the very first ones was the distance around my area code in which I wanted to search. I automatically plugged in 20 miles, because I was thinking that if I were actually searching for a partner I wouldnt be able to travel any more than that in order to maintain the relationship. As I looked around at other profiles, both men and women seemed to share the distance in which they were looking. The average out of ten profiles, 5 female and 5male, was 50 miles from their area code. This just shows that proximity does play a large part in choosing a partner, because people who join these sites generally have a goal of meeting their virtual partner in person, which requires a reasonable distance between them. With newspaper ads, distance seems to be rarely mentioned, but it is not needed to be vocalized because newspapers that print wanted ads are usually local. If I were to pick up my hometown newspaper, I would assume any ad I saw in there would be written from someone who was also located in my hometown. Geographically most singles view distance as an obstacle, and singles initially searching for partners try to avoid every obstacle they can. One thing that seemed very surprising was that almost every profile I viewed was searching for someone similar to him or her. The line opposites attract does not seem, to apply in any personal ads I studied. I think that these ads lack the complementary

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characteristic because that would require the writer of the ad to admit a flaw he or she has. The definition of complementary is that people are attracted to people who possess characteristics that we do not have but admire or envy (Dunn). When a salesperson is trying to sell an item, it would not make sense for them to point out the flaws to the consumers and buyers. The same goes for those posting personal ads. No one wants to give off an initial bad impression, so they highlight their good parts and any achievements they have. For example, if I think I am very athletic and smart but awkward in social situations, I would not post looking for social butterfly to make up for my weakness. I would say, athletic and very intelligent. So instead of advertising the qualities that I admire and wish I had, I will post those qualities that I do possess and would enjoy sharing with my partner.

My Own Ad

Relationship Status: Never Married Looking For: Sign: Eye Color: Men, ages 20-26 Cancer Brown

Gender: Hometown: Height: Body Type:

Woman

Fredericktown, OH 510 Athletic

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Hair Color: Exercise: Drink: Income: Ethnicity: Languages:

Brown >5 times a week Socially <25,000 White English

Job: Smoke: Children: Pets: Faith: Politics:

Student No No Yes, multiple Christian Liberal

I enjoy traveling, playing sports, and making money. I am very independent and like to do my own things, but enjoy going out with friends and staying busy all the time. My greatest fear in life is being boring. I am very open-minded and like most music, movies, and sports. I am looking for someone who is also spontaneous and looking for a good time. I am tall and prefer tall men as well, because I like to wear heels when I dress up. I love school, and if it were up to me I would just travel around to different colleges and get various degrees for the rest of my life. Because I am very outgoing and energetic, I would do well with someone more grounded, who still enjoys the things that I do.

My ad does seem to fit the research that exists about attraction theory and what people are looking for when posting wanted advertisements. I point out how I am looking for someone who enjoys my interests, such as traveling and school. Where I believe I am different is when I ask for someone who is more grounded than I am. I point out a flaw in myself, and ask for a complimentary quality in my partner. I state what attracts me physically, such as height, and reveal that I am very open-minded, even about appearance.

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Also, when searching through Match.com, I realized that I am also subject under the matching hypothesis. If I saw a picture of someone who was very handsome, I didnt even bother to click on it because I believed him to be out of my attractiveness range. The same was said for those I believed to be less attractive than me. Overall, the research that exists definitely supports what I saw in various personal ads. There were different amounts of disclosure, different types of qualities desired, and also multiple physical differences in ad writers, but all of these things followed the same patterns and led to the same conclusions. No matter what led each individual to post or submit a personal ad, attraction theories hold true to singles of all types.

Works Cited Adler Ronald, Lawrence Rosenfeld, and Russell Proctor. Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication. 11th ed. Oxford Univ Pr, 2009. 242-73. Print. Dunn, Karen. "Intimate/ Romantic Relationships." Interpersonal Communication. Queens University of Charlotte. Charlotte. 10-2010. Lecture. "Well, As Long As She's Self-Controlled." The Huffington Post. Web. 17 Nov 2010. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/03/the-funniest-personalads_n_559890.html#s86805>.

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