O'Reilly was in a bit of a fix.

He was filling in an insurance form and was asked to state how his parents had died. His mother was not a problem, she had died of a coronary at the age of 71, but his father had been hanged for murder at the age of 46. He did not want to say this, though, so after a bit of thought came up with a solution and filled in the form: "My father died at the age of 46 when a platform collapsed at a public occasion." The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my mother-in-law on the front step. She said, 'Can I stay here for a few days?' I said, 'Sure you can.' And shut the door. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

The boss always scheduled the weekly staff meeting for four thirty on Friday afternoons.When one of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, he explained. "I will tell you why I've learned that's the only time of the week when none of you seem to want to argue with me."

Recently while we were eating lunch after church one Sunday, my youngest son asked me what the highest number I had ever counted up to was. I said I didn't know. Then I asked him how high he had counted. "5,372," came the prompt reply. "Oh," I said. "Why did you stop there?" "The sermon was over."