American Beauty 1999.Srt

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I need a father who's a role model,
not some horny geek boy...
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who's going to spray his shorts whenever
I bring a girlfriend home from school.
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What a lame-o.
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Someone really should just put him
out of his misery.
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You want me to kill him for you?
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Yeah. Would you?
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My name is Lester Burnham.
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This is my neighborhood.
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This is my street.
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This is my life.
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I'm 42 years old.
In less than a year, I'll be dead.
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Of course,
I don't know that yet.
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And in a way,
I'm dead already.
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Look at me:
jerking off in the shower.
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This will be the high point of my day.
It's all downhill from here.
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That's my wife, Carolyn.
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See the way the handle on those pruning
shears matches her gardening clogs?
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That's not an accident.
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Hush, Bitsy!
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- Hush. What is wrong with you?
- That's our next-door neighbor, Jim.
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And that's his lover, Jim.
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- You spoil her. Bitsy, no bark. Come inside now.
- Me?
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- Come on. Yes. Inside.
- Good morning, Jim!
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Good morning, Carolyn.
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I love your tie!
That color!
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I just love your roses. How do you
get them to flourish like this?
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Well, I'll tell you:

eggshells and Miracle-Gro.
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- I've never heard that.
- Man, I get exhausted just watching her.
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She wasn't always like this.
She used to be happy.
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We used to be happy.
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My daughter Jane.
Only child.
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Janie's a pretty typical teenager:
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angry, insecure, confused.
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I wish I could tell her that's all going
to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.
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Jane, honey, are you trying
to look unattractive?
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- Yes.
- Congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.
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Lester, could you make me a little later,
please, because I'm not quite late enough.
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Nice going, Dad.
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Both my wife and
daughter think I'm this gigantic loser.
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And they're right.
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I have lost something.
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I'm not exactly sure
what it is,
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but I know
I didn't always feel this...
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sedated.
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But you know what?
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It's never too late
to get it back.
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Hello. This is Lester Burnham
from Media Monthly magazine.
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I'm calling
for Mr. Tamblin, please.
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Well, we're all under a deadline here.
You see, there's some basic information...
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about your product launch that isn't even
covered in your press release, and I'd...
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Yeah, c...
can I ask you a question?
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Who is Tamblin? Does he exist?
'Cause he doesn't ever seem to come in.
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Yeah. Okay.
I'll leave my number.
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It's 555-0199.
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Lester Burnham.
Thank you!
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Hey, Les.
You got a minute?
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For you, Brad,
I got five!
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So, yeah, I'm sure you can understand
our need to cut corners around here.
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Oh, sure.
Times are tight.
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You got to free up some cash.
You got to spend money to make money.
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00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,419
- Right?
- Exactly.
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00:05:10,502 --> 00:05:14,423
Like the time that Mr. Flournoy used the
company MasterCard to pay for that hooker,
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and she used the card numbers and stayed at
the St. Regis for, what was it, three months?
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00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:22,765
- That's unsubstantiated gossip.
- That's $50,000. That's somebody's salary.
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That's somebody who's going to get fired
because Craig has to pay women to fuck him!
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Jesus!
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I mean, calm down.
Nobody's getting fired yet.
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That's why we're having everyone...
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write out a job description mapping
out in detail how they contribute.
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That way management
can assess who's valuable...
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And who's expendable.
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It's just business.
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I've been writing
for this magazine for 14 years.
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- You've been here how long? A whole month?
- I'm one of the good guys, Les.
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I'm trying to level with you.
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This is your one chance
to save your job.
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There is no decision.
You just write the damn thing.
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00:06:06,851 --> 00:06:09,854

- You don't think it's weird and kind of fascist?
- Possibly.
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- But you don't want to be unemployed.
- All right.
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Let's just all sell our souls and work for
Satan 'cause it's more convenient that way.
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Oh, could you be a little bit
more dramatic, please, huh?
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So, we finally
got new neighbors.
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You know, if the Lomans had let me represent
them instead of the Real Estate King,
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that house would never
have sat on the market for six months.
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Well, they were still mad at you
for cutting down their sycamore.
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Their sycamore?
Come on.
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A substantial portion of the root
structure was on our property.
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You know that.
How can you call it their sycamore?
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I wouldn't have the heart to just cut down something
if it wasn't partially mine, which, of course, it was.
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Mom, do we always have to listen
to this elevator music?
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No. No, we don't.
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And as soon you've prepared a nutritious
yet savory meal that I'm about to eat,
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you can listen
to whatever you like.
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So, Janie, how was school?
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It was okay.
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Just okay?
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No, Dad.
It was spectacular.
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Well, you want to know
how things went in my job today?
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They've hired
this efficiency expert,
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this really friendly guy
named Brad...
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How perfect is that? And he's basically
there to make it seem they're justified...
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in firing somebody, because they couldn't
just come out and say that, could they?
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No, no. That would just be too honest.
So they've asked us...
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You couldn't
possibly care less, could you?
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What do you expect?
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You can't all of a sudden be my best
friend just because you had a bad day.
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I mean, hello, you've barely even
spoken to me for months.
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Oh, what?
You're "Mother of the Year"?
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You treat her like an employee.
- What?
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What?
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I'm going
to get some ice cream.
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Janie...
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I'm sorry I haven't
been more available.
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I'm just... I...
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You know, you don't always
have to wait for me to come to you.
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Oh, great.
So now it's my fault?
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I didn't say that.
It's nobody's fault. It...
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Janie, what happened?
We used to be pals.
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I will sell this house today.
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Welcome.
I'm Carolyn Burnham.
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This living room
is very dramatic.
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Wait till you see
the native stone fireplace!
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A simple cream could really lighten things
up. You could even put in a skylight.
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Well, why don't we
go into the kitchen?
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It's a dream come true
for any cook.
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Just filled
with positive energy, huh?
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00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:55,282
And you'll be surprised how much a ceiling
fan can cut down on your energy costs.
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00:11:58,244 --> 00:12:02,873
You know, you could have some fun
backyard get-togethers out here.
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00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:06,335
The ad said this pool was lagoon-like.
There's nothing lagoon-like about it.
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00:12:06,418 --> 00:12:10,881
Except for maybe the bugs.
There aren't even any plants out here.
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What do you call this?
Is this not a plant?
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00:12:13,968 --> 00:12:17,388
If you have a problem with the plants, I
can always call my landscape architect.
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- Solved.
- I mean, I think "lagoon," I think waterfall, tropical.
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This is a cement hole.
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Uh...
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I have some tiki torches
in the garage.
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00:13:02,892 --> 00:13:06,645
Shut up! Stop it!
You weak... You baby!
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Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up!
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Who are you looking for?
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My parents are coming tonight.
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00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:03,410
They're trying to, you know,
take an active interest in me.
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00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:06,455
Gross. I hate it
when my mom does that.
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00:14:06,539 --> 00:14:10,543
They're such assholes. Why can't
they just have their own lives?
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00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:17,633
What makes you sure she wants us
to be there? Did she ask us to come?
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00:14:17,716 --> 00:14:21,095
Of course not. She doesn't want us
to know how important this is to her.
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00:14:21,178 --> 00:14:23,305
But she's been practicing
for weeks.
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00:14:23,389 --> 00:14:27,685
I'll bet she's going to resent it, and I'm
missing the James Bond marathon on T.N.T.
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00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:32,815
Lester, this is important. I'm sensing a
real distance growing between you and Jane.
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"Growing"?
She hates me.
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00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:39,780
- She's just willful.
- She hates you too.
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00:14:47,705 --> 00:14:50,791
- Excuse me. Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Pardon me.
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Hi! Patty!
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00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:56,380
Now, for your halftime entertainment,
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Rockwell High's award-winning
Dancing Spartanettes!
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00:15:00,885 --> 00:15:03,512
We can leave
right after this, right?
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Shit. They're still here.
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00:17:19,732 --> 00:17:21,817
Janie!
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00:17:21,901 --> 00:17:24,111
Hey, I really enjoyed that.
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00:17:24,195 --> 00:17:27,156
- Congratulations, honey. You were great.
- I didn't win anything.
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- Hi. I'm Lester, Janie's dad.
- Oh, hi.
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This is my friend,
Angela Hayes.
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00:17:36,248 --> 00:17:39,627
Okay. Good to meet you.
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00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:45,007
You were also good tonight,
very... precise.
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00:17:45,090 --> 00:17:48,010

- Thanks.
- Nice to meet you, Angela.
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00:17:48,093 --> 00:17:50,804
Honey...
I am so proud of you.
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00:17:50,888 --> 00:17:54,683
You know, I watched you very closely.
You didn't screw up once.
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Okay, uh, we have to go.
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00:17:59,021 --> 00:18:01,565
- So what are you girls doing now?
- Dad.
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00:18:01,649 --> 00:18:04,902
- We're going out for pizza.
- Really? Do you need a ride? We can give you a ride.
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00:18:04,985 --> 00:18:08,697
- I have a car. You want to come with us?
- Thanks, but I have a car.
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00:18:08,781 --> 00:18:12,576
You have a car.
That's great. That's great.
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00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:15,538
Janie's thinking about
getting a car, too, soon, aren't you?
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00:18:15,621 --> 00:18:18,958
Dad, Mom's waiting for you.
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00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,546
Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Angela.
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00:18:23,629 --> 00:18:26,090
Any friend of Janie's...
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is a... friend of mine.
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00:18:33,848 --> 00:18:37,810
Well... I'll be
seeing you around, then.
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00:18:41,647 --> 00:18:46,277
Could he be any more...
pathetic?
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00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,321
I think he's sweet.
182
00:18:49,405 --> 00:18:54,618
And I think he and your mother
have not had sex in a long time.
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00:19:11,093 --> 00:19:14,180
It's the weirdest thing.
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00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:17,725
I feel like I've been in a coma
for about 20 years...
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00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:20,978
and I'm just now waking up.
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00:19:51,342 --> 00:19:54,720
Spec-tacular.
187
00:20:03,562 --> 00:20:06,941
I'm so sorry
my dad was weird tonight.
188
00:20:08,901 --> 00:20:10,861
That's okay.
189
00:20:10,945 --> 00:20:13,280
I'm used to guys
drooling over me.
190
00:20:14,365 --> 00:20:16,825
It started
when I was about 12.
191
00:20:16,909 --> 00:20:19,995
I'd go to dinner
with my parents.
192
00:20:20,079 --> 00:20:23,207
Every Thursday night: Red Lobster.
193
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:26,252
Every guy there would stare at me
when I walked in.
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00:20:26,335 --> 00:20:28,504
And I knew
what they were thinking,
195
00:20:28,587 --> 00:20:32,508
just like I knew guys at school thought
about me when they jerked off.
196
00:20:32,591 --> 00:20:35,344
- Vomit.
- No. I liked it.
197
00:20:35,427 --> 00:20:40,015
I still like it. If people I don't even
know look at me and want to fuck me,
198
00:20:40,099 --> 00:20:44,270
it means I really have a shot
at being a model.
199
00:20:44,353 --> 00:20:46,647
Which is great,
200
00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:50,776
because there's nothing worse in life
than being ordinary.
201
00:20:55,072 --> 00:20:57,491
I really think
it'll happen for you.
202
00:20:58,576 --> 00:21:00,494
I know.
203
00:21:00,578 --> 00:21:05,249
Because everything that was meant
to happen, does... eventually.
204
00:21:29,857 --> 00:21:32,401
Asshole.
205
00:22:37,591 --> 00:22:41,053
Hello? Hello?
206
00:22:57,278 --> 00:22:59,530
- Hello?
- Why'd you call me?
207
00:22:59,613 --> 00:23:01,532
I didn't.
208
00:23:01,615 --> 00:23:04,159
Well, my phone just rang and
I answered it, and somebody hung up.
209
00:23:04,243 --> 00:23:08,873
- And I star-69'ed, and I called you
back. - Well, I was in the shower.
210
00:23:12,751 --> 00:23:14,879
Oh, gross!
211
00:23:30,728 --> 00:23:33,355
Ricky! Breakfast!
212
00:23:35,024 --> 00:23:37,443
Be right there.
213
00:23:45,659 --> 00:23:47,536
- Mom.
- Hello.
214
00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:50,956
I don't eat bacon, remember?
215
00:23:52,124 --> 00:23:55,085
I'm sorry.
I must've forgotten.
216
00:24:05,179 --> 00:24:08,140
What's new in the world, Dad?
217
00:24:08,224 --> 00:24:12,019
This country
is going straight to hell.
218
00:24:19,026 --> 00:24:21,904

- Are you expecting anyone?
- No.
219
00:24:24,907 --> 00:24:27,243
No.
220
00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:36,252
- Hi.
- Welcome to the neighborhood.
221
00:24:36,335 --> 00:24:38,546
- It's just a little something from our garden.
- Except for the pasta.
222
00:24:38,629 --> 00:24:41,257
- We got that at Fallaci's.
- Right. It's unbelievably fresh.
223
00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:44,927
You just... You drop it
in the water, and it's done.
224
00:24:45,010 --> 00:24:48,848
Jim Olmeyer. Two doors down.
Welcome to the neighborhood.
225
00:24:48,931 --> 00:24:51,267
Colonel Frank Fitts,
U.S. Marine Corps.
226
00:24:51,350 --> 00:24:54,979
- It's nice to meet you. This is my partner...
- Jim Berkley, but call me J.B.
227
00:24:55,062 --> 00:24:58,357
Let's cut to chase, okay?
What are you guys selling?
228
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,528
- We...
- Nothing. We just wanted to say hi to our new neighbors.
229
00:25:02,611 --> 00:25:08,158
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said you're
partners, so what's your business?
230
00:25:09,785 --> 00:25:13,789
Well... he is a tax attorney.

231
00:25:13,873 --> 00:25:16,876
And he's an anesthesiologist.
232
00:25:25,551 --> 00:25:30,014
How come these faggots
always have to rub it in your face?
233
00:25:30,097 --> 00:25:33,184
How can they
be so shameless?
234
00:25:34,643 --> 00:25:37,855
That's the whole thing, Dad.
235
00:25:37,938 --> 00:25:41,233
They don't feel that's anything
to be ashamed of.
236
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,862
Well, it is.
237
00:25:46,572 --> 00:25:50,910
- Yeah, you're right.
- Don't placate me like I'm your mother, boy.
238
00:25:53,871 --> 00:25:56,707
Forgive me, sir,
for speaking so bluntly,
239
00:25:56,790 --> 00:25:59,835
but those fags make me want
to puke my fucking guts out.
240
00:26:07,593 --> 00:26:12,765
Well, me too, son.
Yeah. Me too.
241
00:26:17,811 --> 00:26:21,774
I'm serious. He just
pulled down his pants and yanked it out.
242
00:26:21,857 --> 00:26:25,528
- You know, like, "Say hello to Mr. Happy."
- Gross!
243
00:26:25,611 --> 00:26:30,449

- It wasn't gross. It was kind of cool.
- So did you do it with him?
244
00:26:30,533 --> 00:26:34,870
Of course. He's a really
well-known photographer.
245
00:26:34,954 --> 00:26:37,706
He shoots for Elle on,
like, a regular basis.
246
00:26:37,790 --> 00:26:42,545
- It would've been majorly stupid of me to turn him down.
- You are a total prostitute.
247
00:26:42,628 --> 00:26:46,757
Hey, that's how
things really are.
248
00:26:46,841 --> 00:26:50,678
You just don't know because you're
this pampered little suburban chick.
249
00:26:50,761 --> 00:26:54,348
So are you. You've only been
in Seventeen once, and you looked fat.
250
00:26:54,431 --> 00:26:58,102
So stop acting like you're
goddamn Christy Turlington!
251
00:27:00,437 --> 00:27:02,356
Cunt!
252
00:27:03,816 --> 00:27:07,319
I am so sick of people
taking their insecurities out on me.
253
00:27:09,029 --> 00:27:13,325
- Oh, my God. That's the pervert who filmed me last night.
- Him?
254
00:27:13,409 --> 00:27:16,453
Jane. No way.
He's a total lunatic.
255
00:27:16,537 --> 00:27:18,455
- Do you know him?

- Yeah.
256
00:27:18,539 --> 00:27:20,749
We were on the same lunch shift
when I was in ninth grade,
257
00:27:20,833 --> 00:27:24,378
and he would always save
the most random, weird things.
258
00:27:24,461 --> 00:27:28,841
And then one day,
he was just, like, gone.
259
00:27:28,924 --> 00:27:34,763
And then Connie Cardullo told me that his
parents had to put him in a mental institution.
260
00:27:34,847 --> 00:27:36,974
Why? What did he do?
261
00:27:37,057 --> 00:27:39,935
What do you mean?
262
00:27:40,019 --> 00:27:44,148
Well, they can't put you away
just for saying weird things.
263
00:27:46,567 --> 00:27:51,697
You total slut.
You've got a crush on him.
264
00:27:51,780 --> 00:27:54,575
- What? Please!
- You are defending him. You love him.
265
00:27:54,658 --> 00:27:57,953
- You want to have, like, 10,000 of his babies.
- Shut up.
266
00:27:58,037 --> 00:28:02,291
Hi. My name's Ricky.
I just moved next door to you.
267
00:28:02,374 --> 00:28:04,418
I know.
268
00:28:04,501 --> 00:28:08,631
I kind of remember this creepy incident
where you were filming me last night?
269
00:28:08,714 --> 00:28:12,801
- I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting.
- Thanks.
270
00:28:12,885 --> 00:28:17,515
But I really don't need to have some
psycho obsessing about me right now.
271
00:28:18,557 --> 00:28:22,561
I'm not obsessing.
I'm just curious.
272
00:28:37,701 --> 00:28:39,662
What a freak.
273
00:28:39,745 --> 00:28:43,040
And why does he dress
like a Bible salesman?
274
00:28:43,123 --> 00:28:46,252
He's, like, so confident.
275
00:28:46,335 --> 00:28:49,380
That can't be real.
276
00:28:49,463 --> 00:28:52,007
I don't believe him.
277
00:28:52,091 --> 00:28:56,178
I mean, he didn't even,
like, look at me once.
278
00:29:01,308 --> 00:29:05,396
- How'd you get in the Army?
- Sergeant, I got three reasons for being in the Army.
279
00:29:05,479 --> 00:29:09,525
First, I'm patriotic. Second, I love
my country. And third, they nailed me.
280
00:29:23,956 --> 00:29:25,875
Hey.
281
00:29:28,961 --> 00:29:32,631
- What's going on here?
- Bend all the way down. Here comes the Bull of the Woods.
282
00:29:35,551 --> 00:29:38,137
I'm sorry. What?
283
00:29:39,221 --> 00:29:41,599
Mom, nobody said anything.
284
00:29:41,682 --> 00:29:44,143
Oh. I'm sorry.
285
00:29:50,649 --> 00:29:52,693
Everyone here is with their spouse
or significant other.
286
00:29:52,776 --> 00:29:55,821
- How would it look if I showed up with no one?
- You always end up ignoring me.
287
00:29:55,905 --> 00:29:59,408
Now, listen to me.
This is an important business function.
288
00:29:59,491 --> 00:30:02,661
As you know, my business
is selling an image,
289
00:30:02,745 --> 00:30:05,080
and part of my job
is to live that image.
290
00:30:05,164 --> 00:30:09,627
Honey, do me a favor and say whatever you
want to say and spare me the propaganda.
291
00:30:09,710 --> 00:30:12,630
All right.
Hi, Shirley!
292
00:30:14,173 --> 00:30:17,051
Listen. Just do me a favor.
Act happy tonight.
293
00:30:17,134 --> 00:30:21,931
- I am happy, honey!
- You're not... Oh, that's Buddy!

294
00:30:22,014 --> 00:30:25,476
- Buddy! Buddy! Hi!
- Hi.
295
00:30:25,559 --> 00:30:28,020
Good to see you again.
296
00:30:28,103 --> 00:30:31,607
- It's so good to see you too, Catherine.
- Carolyn.
297
00:30:31,690 --> 00:30:34,652
Oh, Carolyn! Of course.
How are you?
298
00:30:34,735 --> 00:30:38,697
- Very well, thank you. Hello, Christy.
- Hello.
299
00:30:39,865 --> 00:30:42,743
- My husband, Lester.
- It's a pleasure.
300
00:30:42,826 --> 00:30:47,957
Oh, we've met before, actually. This
thing last year. Christmas at the Sheraton.
301
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,292
Oh, yeah!
302
00:30:50,376 --> 00:30:53,504
Oh, it's okay.
I wouldn't remember me either.
303
00:30:57,550 --> 00:31:00,052
Honey, don't be weird.
304
00:31:00,135 --> 00:31:02,972
- All right, honey. I won't be weird.
- Okay.
305
00:31:03,055 --> 00:31:06,308
I'll be whatever
you want me to be.
306
00:31:06,392 --> 00:31:08,894

Well, oka...
307
00:31:18,737 --> 00:31:22,825
- We have a very healthy relationship.
- I see.
308
00:31:26,245 --> 00:31:29,373
Well, I don't know about you guys,
but I need a drink.
309
00:31:29,456 --> 00:31:32,167
Ohh.
310
00:31:34,670 --> 00:31:37,756
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Put a little more in there, cowboy.
311
00:31:53,606 --> 00:31:58,903
Excuse me. Don't you live on Robin Hood
Trail? The house with the red door?
312
00:31:58,986 --> 00:32:03,908
- Yeah.
- I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved in the house next to you.
313
00:32:03,991 --> 00:32:08,245
Oh. Hi, Ricky Fitts.
I'm Lester Burnham.
314
00:32:08,329 --> 00:32:10,873
Hi, Lester Burnham.
315
00:32:20,966 --> 00:32:24,386
- Do you party?
- Excuse me?
316
00:32:24,470 --> 00:32:27,681
Do you get high?
317
00:32:30,226 --> 00:32:34,980
You know, I probably wouldn't even tell
you this if I weren't a little tipsy, but...
318
00:32:36,482 --> 00:32:39,318
I'm in complete awe of you.
319
00:32:39,401 --> 00:32:41,820

I mean, your firm...
320
00:32:41,904 --> 00:32:45,908
is hands-down the Rolls-Royce
of local real estate firms,
321
00:32:45,991 --> 00:32:49,495
and your personal
sales record is...
322
00:32:49,578 --> 00:32:53,624
It's very intimidating.
323
00:32:53,707 --> 00:32:58,712
You know, I'd love to sit down
with you and just pick your brain,
324
00:32:58,796 --> 00:33:01,674
if you'd ever be willing.
325
00:33:03,259 --> 00:33:06,762
You know, I suppose technically
I'm the competition,
326
00:33:06,846 --> 00:33:10,558
but I mean, hey,
I don't flatter myself...
327
00:33:10,641 --> 00:33:14,144
that I'm even
in the same league as you.
328
00:33:14,228 --> 00:33:16,438
I don't.
329
00:33:16,522 --> 00:33:18,482
I'd love to.
330
00:33:20,067 --> 00:33:22,987
- Really?
- Absolutely.
331
00:33:23,070 --> 00:33:26,365
Call my secretary.
Have her schedule a lunch.
332
00:33:27,908 --> 00:33:30,703

I'll do that.
Thank you.
333
00:33:36,876 --> 00:33:40,379
Did you ever see that movie
where the body is walking around...
334
00:33:40,462 --> 00:33:43,674
carrying its own head, and then
the head goes down on that babe?
335
00:33:43,757 --> 00:33:46,635
Re-Animator.
336
00:33:48,888 --> 00:33:50,848
Look.
337
00:33:50,931 --> 00:33:54,310
I'm not paying you to do whatever
it is you're doing out here.
338
00:33:54,393 --> 00:33:57,313
Fine. So don't pay me.
339
00:33:57,396 --> 00:33:59,481
Excuse me?
340
00:33:59,565 --> 00:34:04,486
I quit, so you don't have
to pay me. Now leave me alone.
341
00:34:06,739 --> 00:34:08,991
Asshole.
342
00:34:13,621 --> 00:34:16,832
I think you just
became my personal hero.
343
00:34:16,916 --> 00:34:20,377
Doesn't that make you nervous,
just quitting your job like that?
344
00:34:22,087 --> 00:34:25,299
Well, I guess when
you're all of, what, 16...
345
00:34:25,382 --> 00:34:29,845

Eighteen. I just do
these gigs as a cover.
346
00:34:29,929 --> 00:34:33,015
I have other sources of income.
347
00:34:33,098 --> 00:34:35,726
But my dad interferes less
in my life when I pretend...
348
00:34:35,809 --> 00:34:39,146
to be an upstanding young citizen
with a respectable job.
349
00:34:39,230 --> 00:34:41,315
Lester?
350
00:34:44,151 --> 00:34:48,364
- What are you doing?
- Honey, this is... Ricky Fitts.
351
00:34:48,447 --> 00:34:52,284
This is Ricky Fitts.
352
00:34:54,703 --> 00:34:57,706
I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved
into the house next to you.
353
00:34:57,790 --> 00:35:00,793
I go to school
with your daughter.
354
00:35:00,876 --> 00:35:03,504
- With Jane?
- Yeah.
355
00:35:03,587 --> 00:35:06,298
- Really?
- Jane.
356
00:35:06,382 --> 00:35:10,970
Hi. I'm ready to go.
I'll meet you out front.
357
00:35:15,015 --> 00:35:18,978
Oh, I'm in trouble.
358
00:35:20,354 --> 00:35:23,440
Nice meeting you, Ricky.
Thanks for the thing.
359
00:35:23,524 --> 00:35:26,402
Anytime. Lester?
360
00:35:26,485 --> 00:35:30,072
If you want any more,
you know where I live.
361
00:35:43,502 --> 00:35:47,882
Oh, shit. They're home. Quick.
Let's go up to my room.
362
00:35:47,965 --> 00:35:50,426
I should say hi
to your dad.
363
00:35:50,509 --> 00:35:53,637
I don't want to be rude.
364
00:36:05,357 --> 00:36:07,568
Nice suit.
365
00:36:08,694 --> 00:36:10,696
You're looking good,
Mr. Burnham.
366
00:36:10,779 --> 00:36:14,533
Last time I saw you,
you looked kind of wound up.
367
00:36:18,245 --> 00:36:20,539
Ooh, is that root beer?
368
00:37:20,099 --> 00:37:22,184
I love root beer,
don't you?
369
00:37:24,645 --> 00:37:26,564
- Hey.
- Hi, Mom.
370
00:37:26,647 --> 00:37:28,858
- Hi.
- Remember Angela?
371
00:37:28,941 --> 00:37:31,026
Yes, of course.
372
00:37:31,110 --> 00:37:34,864
I forgot to tell you. She's going
to spend the night. Is that okay?
373
00:37:42,788 --> 00:37:46,375
- Sorry about my dad.
- Don't be. I think it's funny.
374
00:37:46,458 --> 00:37:51,505
Yeah, to you he's just another guy
who wants to jump your bones.
375
00:37:51,589 --> 00:37:56,427
But to me, he's just...
too embarrassing to live.
376
00:37:57,887 --> 00:38:01,640
Well, your mom's the one
who's embarrassing. What a phony.
377
00:38:01,724 --> 00:38:04,977
- But your dad's actually kind of cute.
- Shut up.
378
00:38:05,060 --> 00:38:08,814
He is. If he just
worked out a little, he'd be hot.
379
00:38:08,898 --> 00:38:10,858
- Shut up!
- Come on.
380
00:38:10,941 --> 00:38:15,821
Like you've never sneaked a peek at him in
his underwear? I bet he's got a big dick.
381
00:38:15,905 --> 00:38:18,240
You are so grossing me out right now.
382
00:38:18,324 --> 00:38:21,577
If he built up his chest
and arms, I would totally fuck him.
383
00:38:21,660 --> 00:38:25,915

I would. I would suck
your dad's big fat dick,
384
00:38:25,998 --> 00:38:29,084
and then I'd fuck him until
his eyes rolled back in his head.
385
00:38:29,168 --> 00:38:32,838
Jane, shh. What was that noise?
386
00:38:35,508 --> 00:38:38,177
- I swear I heard something.
- Yeah.
387
00:38:38,260 --> 00:38:41,222
That was the sound of you
being a huge, disgusting pig.
388
00:38:41,305 --> 00:38:43,766
No, I'm serious.
389
00:38:43,849 --> 00:38:46,602
See?
390
00:38:46,685 --> 00:38:49,980
- Oh, my God. Jane.
- What is it?
391
00:38:53,067 --> 00:38:56,487
It's that psycho next door.
392
00:38:56,570 --> 00:38:58,739
Jane, what if he worships you?
393
00:38:58,822 --> 00:39:03,953
What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you
surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff?
394
00:39:04,036 --> 00:39:07,498
Shit. I bet
he's filming us right now.
395
00:39:07,581 --> 00:39:09,542
Really?
396
00:40:40,132 --> 00:40:44,053
Welcome to
America's Weirdest Home Videos.
397
00:41:08,494 --> 00:41:11,705
Ricky?
398
00:41:11,789 --> 00:41:14,124
Coming, Dad.
399
00:41:14,208 --> 00:41:17,753
You know I don't like
locked doors in my house, boy.
400
00:41:23,342 --> 00:41:26,929
- I'm sorry. I must've locked it by accident.
- Mm.
401
00:41:28,013 --> 00:41:30,641
So what's up?
402
00:41:32,726 --> 00:41:35,479
I... I need a urine sample.
403
00:41:35,563 --> 00:41:37,481
Wow.
404
00:41:37,565 --> 00:41:40,276
It's been six months already.
405
00:41:40,359 --> 00:41:43,445
Can I give it to you in the morning?
I just took a whiz.
406
00:41:43,529 --> 00:41:45,656
Yeah. I suppose.
407
00:41:49,577 --> 00:41:52,371
Y-You know...
408
00:41:59,879 --> 00:42:03,716
Well, good night, son.
409
00:43:09,990 --> 00:43:12,076
I've been waiting for you.
410
00:43:32,847 --> 00:43:35,391
You've been working out,

haven't you?
411
00:43:35,474 --> 00:43:37,643
I can tell.
412
00:43:39,144 --> 00:43:42,231
I was hoping you could
give me a bath.
413
00:43:42,314 --> 00:43:44,859
I'm very, very dirty.
414
00:44:17,808 --> 00:44:20,060
What are you doing?
415
00:44:21,395 --> 00:44:23,439
Nothing.
416
00:44:23,522 --> 00:44:26,108
- You were masturbating.
- I was not.
417
00:44:26,192 --> 00:44:28,986
Yes, you were.
418
00:44:29,069 --> 00:44:32,823
Oh, all right.
So shoot me. I was whacking off.
419
00:44:32,907 --> 00:44:36,493
That's right. I was choking
the bishop, chafing the carrot.
420
00:44:36,577 --> 00:44:39,496
You know, saying "hi"
to my monster.
421
00:44:39,580 --> 00:44:41,499
That's disgusting.
422
00:44:41,582 --> 00:44:44,710
Well, excuse me, but some of us still
have blood pumping through our veins.
423
00:44:44,793 --> 00:44:47,046
- So do I.
- Really?
424
00:44:47,129 --> 00:44:51,467
Well, I'm the only one who seems
to be doing anything about it.
425
00:44:51,550 --> 00:44:55,137
Lester, I refuse to live like this!
426
00:44:55,221 --> 00:44:57,181
This is not a marriage.
427
00:44:57,264 --> 00:45:00,351
This hasn't been
a marriage for years,
428
00:45:00,434 --> 00:45:03,395
but you were happy as long
as I kept my mouth shut.
429
00:45:03,479 --> 00:45:05,523
Well, guess what.
I've changed.
430
00:45:05,606 --> 00:45:08,192
And the new me whacks off
when he feels horny...
431
00:45:08,275 --> 00:45:11,070
'cause you're obviously not going
to help me out in that department.
432
00:45:11,153 --> 00:45:13,822
I see. You think you're the
only one who's sexually frustrated.
433
00:45:13,906 --> 00:45:17,034
I'm not? Well, then,
come on, baby. I'm ready.
434
00:45:17,117 --> 00:45:19,286
Don't you mess
with me, mister.
435
00:45:19,370 --> 00:45:22,498
I will divorce you so fast,
it'll make your head spin.
436
00:45:22,581 --> 00:45:24,750
On what grounds?
437
00:45:24,834 --> 00:45:27,419
I'm not a drunk.
I don't fuck other women.
438
00:45:27,503 --> 00:45:29,922
I don't mistreat you.
I've never hit you.
439
00:45:30,005 --> 00:45:32,591
I don't even try to touch you,
since you made it so abundantly clear...
440
00:45:32,675 --> 00:45:34,969
just how unnecessary
you consider me to be!
441
00:45:36,971 --> 00:45:40,391
But... I did support you
when you got your license.
442
00:45:40,474 --> 00:45:44,562
And some people might think that
entitles me to half of what's yours.
443
00:45:44,645 --> 00:45:47,481
Oh!
444
00:45:47,565 --> 00:45:51,318
So, turn out the light
when you come back to bed, okay?
445
00:46:02,788 --> 00:46:05,708
It's a great thing
when you realize you still have...
446
00:46:05,791 --> 00:46:08,377
the ability
to surprise yourself.
447
00:46:08,460 --> 00:46:12,423
Makes you wonder what else you can do
that you've forgotten about.
448
00:46:12,506 --> 00:46:14,466
Hey, guys.
449
00:46:14,550 --> 00:46:16,969
Lester. I didn't know you ran.
450
00:46:17,052 --> 00:46:19,388
- I just started.
- Good for you.
451
00:46:19,471 --> 00:46:23,559
I figured you guys might be able to give
me some pointers. I need to shape up, fast.
452
00:46:23,642 --> 00:46:26,437
Are you looking to just lose weight,
or do you want to have...
453
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,440
increased strength
and flexibility as well?
454
00:46:29,523 --> 00:46:32,985
I... I want
to look good naked.
455
00:46:47,875 --> 00:46:52,588
Oh, what is this?
Fuckin' gay pride parade?
456
00:46:52,671 --> 00:46:54,757
Hey! Yo, Ricky.
457
00:46:58,177 --> 00:47:02,932
My entire life is passing before my eyes,
and those two have barely broken a sweat.
458
00:47:03,015 --> 00:47:06,268
Sorry. Hi. Lester Burnham.
I live next door. We haven't met.
459
00:47:06,352 --> 00:47:08,354
Colonel Frank Fitts,
U.S. Marine Corps.
460
00:47:08,437 --> 00:47:11,524
Oh, whoa. Well.
461
00:47:11,607 --> 00:47:13,859

Welcome to the neighborhood, sir.
462
00:47:17,821 --> 00:47:20,783
Ricky, uh...
463
00:47:20,866 --> 00:47:24,453
I was thinking about the, uh...
I was gonna... The movie we talked about.
464
00:47:24,537 --> 00:47:26,455
- Re-Animator.
- Yeah!
465
00:47:26,539 --> 00:47:30,292
You want to borrow it?
Okay. It's up in my room. Come on.
466
00:47:41,303 --> 00:47:43,889
- Can you hold this for a sec?
- Sure.
467
00:47:43,973 --> 00:47:48,060
I don't think my dad would try to come in
while someone else is here, but you never know.
468
00:47:48,143 --> 00:47:51,188
- What is this?
- Urine.
469
00:47:51,272 --> 00:47:55,651
I have to take a drug test every
six months just to make sure I'm clean.
470
00:47:55,734 --> 00:47:58,654
Are you kidding?
You just smoked with me last night.
471
00:47:58,737 --> 00:48:00,823
It's not mine.
472
00:48:00,906 --> 00:48:04,660
One of my clients is a nurse
in a pediatrician's office.
473
00:48:04,743 --> 00:48:08,330
Cut her a deal,
she keeps me in clean piss.
474
00:48:10,416 --> 00:48:12,418
You like Pink Floyd?
475
00:48:13,961 --> 00:48:16,422
I like a lot of music.
476
00:48:17,631 --> 00:48:22,011
Man, I haven't listened
to this album in years.
477
00:48:22,094 --> 00:48:24,513
How much do you want?
478
00:48:24,597 --> 00:48:28,517
I don't know. It's been a while.
Um, how much is an ounce?
479
00:48:32,188 --> 00:48:35,107
This is totally decent,
and it's 300.
480
00:48:36,358 --> 00:48:38,360
Wow!
481
00:48:38,444 --> 00:48:41,030
This shit is
top of the line.
482
00:48:41,113 --> 00:48:44,742
It's called G-13. It's genetically
engineered by the U.S. government.
483
00:48:44,825 --> 00:48:48,621
It's extremely potent, but
a completely mellow high. No paranoia.
484
00:48:49,663 --> 00:48:52,583
Is that what we smoked
last night?
485
00:48:52,666 --> 00:48:55,294
This is all I ever smoke.
486
00:48:59,131 --> 00:49:02,635
- How much?
- Two grand.
487
00:49:02,718 --> 00:49:04,970
Jesus!
488
00:49:05,054 --> 00:49:07,890
Things have changed since 1973.
489
00:49:07,973 --> 00:49:11,727
- You don't have to pay now. I know you're good for it.
- Thanks.
490
00:49:11,810 --> 00:49:14,146
There's a card in there
with my beeper number.
491
00:49:14,230 --> 00:49:17,566
Beep me anytime, day or night.
492
00:49:17,650 --> 00:49:19,860
And I only accept cash.
493
00:49:19,944 --> 00:49:23,739
Now I know how you can afford
all this equipment.
494
00:49:23,822 --> 00:49:28,744
God. When I was your age, I flipped burgers
all summer just to buy an eight-track.
495
00:49:28,827 --> 00:49:32,873
- That sucks.
- No, actually it was great.
496
00:49:34,500 --> 00:49:37,461
All I did was party
and get laid.
497
00:49:39,088 --> 00:49:42,174
I had my whole life
ahead of me.
498
00:49:44,051 --> 00:49:48,389
My dad thinks I pay for all
this with catering jobs.
499
00:49:48,472 --> 00:49:51,433
Never underestimate
the power of denial.

500
00:50:24,508 --> 00:50:28,596
What the hell do you
think you're doing?
501
00:50:28,679 --> 00:50:31,515
Uh-oh. Mom's mad.
502
00:50:31,599 --> 00:50:33,642
Bench presses.
503
00:50:33,726 --> 00:50:38,355
I'm going to whale on my pecks,
and then I'm going to do my back.
504
00:50:38,439 --> 00:50:42,318
I see you're smoking pot now.
I... I'm so glad.
505
00:50:42,401 --> 00:50:44,862
I think using illegal
psychotropic substances...
506
00:50:44,945 --> 00:50:47,448
is a very positive example
to set for our daughter.
507
00:50:47,531 --> 00:50:51,785
You're one to talk, you bloodless,
money-grubbing freak.
508
00:50:52,995 --> 00:50:54,997
Uh... Lester!
509
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,124
You have such hostility in you.
510
00:50:57,208 --> 00:51:01,462
Do you mind? I'm trying to work
out here. Unless... you want to spot me.
511
00:51:01,545 --> 00:51:05,132
Lester, you will not
get away with this.
512
00:51:05,216 --> 00:51:08,344
You can be sure of that.

513
00:51:08,427 --> 00:51:12,014
That's... what...
514
00:51:12,097 --> 00:51:14,183
you... think.
515
00:51:14,433 --> 00:51:17,895
"My job consists of
basically masking...
516
00:51:17,978 --> 00:51:21,690
"my contempt for
the assholes in charge...
517
00:51:21,774 --> 00:51:25,402
"and at least once a day
retiring to the men's room...
518
00:51:25,486 --> 00:51:27,655
"so I can jerk off...
519
00:51:27,738 --> 00:51:30,366
"while I fantasize
about a life...
520
00:51:30,449 --> 00:51:33,869
that doesn't so closely
resemble hell."
521
00:51:33,953 --> 00:51:37,665
Well, you obviously have no interest
in saving yourself.
522
00:51:37,748 --> 00:51:41,919
Brad, for 14 years, I've been a whore
for the advertising industry.
523
00:51:42,002 --> 00:51:45,714
The only way I could save myself now
is if I start firebombing.
524
00:51:45,798 --> 00:51:49,510
Whatever. Management wants you
gone by the end of the day.
525
00:51:49,593 --> 00:51:52,721

Just what sort of severance package
is management prepared to offer me,
526
00:51:52,805 --> 00:51:55,349
considering the information
I have about our editorial director...
527
00:51:55,432 --> 00:51:57,351
buying pussy
with company money?
528
00:51:57,434 --> 00:52:00,145
Which I think
would interest the I.R.S.,
529
00:52:00,229 --> 00:52:02,273
since it technically
constitutes fraud.
530
00:52:02,356 --> 00:52:05,276
And I'm sure that some of our
advertisers and rival publications...
531
00:52:05,359 --> 00:52:09,655
might like to know about it as well,
not to mention... Craig's wife.
532
00:52:11,740 --> 00:52:15,953
- What do you want?
- One year's salary with benefits.
533
00:52:16,036 --> 00:52:19,206
That's not going to happen.
534
00:52:19,290 --> 00:52:22,626
What do you say I throw in a little
sexual harassment charge to boot?
535
00:52:22,710 --> 00:52:26,463
Against who?
536
00:52:26,547 --> 00:52:28,382
Against you.
537
00:52:28,465 --> 00:52:31,969
Can you prove that you
didn't offer to save my job...
538
00:52:32,052 --> 00:52:34,597
if I let you blow me?
539
00:52:39,685 --> 00:52:43,105
Man... you are
one twisted fuck.
540
00:52:44,523 --> 00:52:47,735
Nope. I'm just
an ordinary guy...
541
00:52:47,818 --> 00:52:50,529
with nothing to lose.
542
00:52:55,492 --> 00:52:57,453
Yeah.
543
00:53:02,958 --> 00:53:05,586
- Carolyn.
- Buddy.
544
00:53:05,669 --> 00:53:09,882
- I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.
- Oh.
545
00:53:09,965 --> 00:53:12,343
Christy left for New York
this morning.
546
00:53:12,426 --> 00:53:15,888
Let's just say things were
a little... hectic around the house.
547
00:53:15,971 --> 00:53:19,475
- What's she doing in New York?
- She's moving there.
548
00:53:19,558 --> 00:53:21,560
Yes, we are splitting up.
549
00:53:21,644 --> 00:53:24,230
Buddy. I'm so sorry.
550
00:53:24,313 --> 00:53:27,983
Yes. According to her, I'm...
551
00:53:28,067 --> 00:53:30,069
too focused on my career.
552
00:53:30,152 --> 00:53:33,155
As if being driven to succeed is...
553
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:36,951
some sort of a character flaw.
554
00:53:37,034 --> 00:53:40,996
Well, she certainly did take advantage
of the lifestyle my success afforded her.
555
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,582
Ooh! Ha. Wow.
556
00:53:45,417 --> 00:53:48,587
- Ah, it's for the best.
- Mm-hmm.
557
00:53:48,671 --> 00:53:53,175
When I saw you two at the party the
other night, you seemed perfectly happy.
558
00:53:53,259 --> 00:53:55,928
Well, call me crazy,
559
00:53:56,011 --> 00:54:00,516
but it is my philosophy
that in order to be successful,
560
00:54:00,599 --> 00:54:03,352
one must project
an image of success...
561
00:54:03,435 --> 00:54:05,521
at all times.
562
00:54:24,999 --> 00:54:28,002
What are you doing?
563
00:54:28,085 --> 00:54:31,714
- I was filming this dead bird.
- Why?
564
00:54:31,797 --> 00:54:34,008
Because it's beautiful.

565
00:54:36,510 --> 00:54:40,181
I think maybe you forgot
your medication today, mental boy.
566
00:54:42,141 --> 00:54:44,101
Hi, Jane.
567
00:54:44,185 --> 00:54:46,604
I want you to stop filming me.
568
00:54:48,606 --> 00:54:50,524
Okay.
569
00:54:50,608 --> 00:54:53,152
Well, whatever. This is boring.
570
00:54:53,235 --> 00:54:55,946
Let's go.
571
00:54:56,030 --> 00:54:59,408
- Do you need a ride?
- Are you crazy?
572
00:54:59,492 --> 00:55:02,787
I don't want to end up hacked to pieces
in a Dumpster somewhere.
573
00:55:02,870 --> 00:55:06,332
It's okay. I'll walk.
But thanks.
574
00:55:06,415 --> 00:55:08,793
He doesn't want to go anyway.
Let's go.
575
00:55:10,127 --> 00:55:13,798
- Come on, Jane.
- I think I'm going to walk too.
576
00:55:13,881 --> 00:55:16,008
What?
577
00:55:16,092 --> 00:55:20,012
Jane, that's, like,
almost a mile.
578
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:36,070
Oh, God!
579
00:55:36,153 --> 00:55:38,572
I love it! Oh! Oh!
580
00:55:38,656 --> 00:55:41,909
- You like getting nailed by the King?
- Oh, yes, I love it!
581
00:55:41,993 --> 00:55:44,787
- Fuck me, Your Majesty! Aah!
- Ohh!
582
00:55:44,870 --> 00:55:46,914
- Who's the King?
- Oh! You are!
583
00:56:30,416 --> 00:56:32,752
Smile. You're at Mr. Smiley's.
584
00:56:32,835 --> 00:56:34,754
What?
585
00:56:34,837 --> 00:56:39,091
Would you like to try our new bacon and egg
fajita for $1.29 for a limited time only?
586
00:56:39,175 --> 00:56:42,094
Uh, no, but thank you.
587
00:56:42,178 --> 00:56:46,182
I'd like the Big Barn Burger,
Smiley Fries and an orange soda.
588
00:56:46,265 --> 00:56:48,726
Please drive up to the window.
Thank you.
589
00:56:50,603 --> 00:56:54,231
Smile. You're at Mr. Smiley's.
That'll be 4.98, please.
590
00:56:56,567 --> 00:56:58,819
- Would you like some Smiley sauce?
- No, no...
591
00:56:58,903 --> 00:57:01,572
Actually, I'd like
to fill out an application.
592
00:57:01,656 --> 00:57:05,618
- There's no jobs for manager. It's just for counter.
- Good.
593
00:57:05,701 --> 00:57:10,748
I'm looking for the least possible
amount of responsibility.
594
00:57:12,875 --> 00:57:15,169
I don't think
you'd fit in here.
595
00:57:15,252 --> 00:57:18,381
I have fast food experience.
596
00:57:18,464 --> 00:57:20,758
Yeah, like 20 years ago.
597
00:57:20,841 --> 00:57:24,720
I'm sure there've been amazing
technological advances in the industry,
598
00:57:24,804 --> 00:57:27,390
but surely you must have
some sort of training program.
599
00:57:27,473 --> 00:57:30,267
It seems unfair to presume
I won't be able to learn.
600
00:57:34,647 --> 00:57:37,942
- That was exactly what I needed...
- Mm.
601
00:57:40,903 --> 00:57:43,948
the "royal treatment,"
so to speak.
602
00:57:46,325 --> 00:57:49,578
I was so stressed out. Ah!
603
00:57:49,662 --> 00:57:52,331
- Ah! Ah.
- Mm.
604
00:57:55,626 --> 00:57:58,379
Know what I do
when I feel like that?
605
00:57:58,462 --> 00:58:00,756
What?
606
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,759
- I fire a gun.
- Really?
607
00:58:03,843 --> 00:58:06,721
Oh, yeah. I go to this
little firing range downtown,
608
00:58:06,804 --> 00:58:11,142
and I... just pop off
a few rounds.
609
00:58:11,225 --> 00:58:15,146
- I've never fired a gun before.
- Well, you've gotta try it.
610
00:58:15,229 --> 00:58:18,149
Nothing makes you feel
more powerful.
611
00:58:20,234 --> 00:58:22,570
Well...
612
00:58:22,653 --> 00:58:24,822
almost nothing.
613
00:58:29,201 --> 00:58:32,705
- So, do you like your new house?
- I like it.
614
00:58:32,788 --> 00:58:36,292
The people who used to live there fed these
stray cats, so they were always around,
615
00:58:36,375 --> 00:58:39,045
and it drove
my mother nuts.
616
00:58:39,128 --> 00:58:43,090
And then she cut down
their tree.
617
00:58:43,174 --> 00:58:45,259
Is that a funeral?
618
00:58:45,343 --> 00:58:49,638
Yeah. Have you ever
known anybody who died?
619
00:58:49,722 --> 00:58:52,641
No. Have you?
620
00:58:52,725 --> 00:58:54,810
No.
621
00:58:54,894 --> 00:58:57,730
But I did see this homeless woman
who froze to death once...
622
00:58:57,813 --> 00:59:00,232
just laying there
on the sidewalk.
623
00:59:00,316 --> 00:59:02,568
She looked really sad.
624
00:59:15,581 --> 00:59:18,668
I got that homeless woman
on videotape.
625
00:59:18,751 --> 00:59:20,836
Why would you film that?
626
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:24,674
- Because it was amazing.
- What's amazing about it?
627
00:59:24,757 --> 00:59:28,886
When you see something like that,
it's like God is looking right at you,
628
00:59:28,969 --> 00:59:30,971
just for a second,
629
00:59:31,055 --> 00:59:33,891

and if you're careful,
you can look right back.
630
00:59:33,974 --> 00:59:36,811
And what do you see?
631
00:59:36,894 --> 00:59:38,896
Beauty.
632
00:59:54,745 --> 00:59:57,873
Mom, I want you
to meet somebody.
633
01:00:01,711 --> 01:00:04,630
- Mom.
- Yes?
634
01:00:06,882 --> 01:00:11,012
I want you to meet somebody.
This is Jane.
635
01:00:11,095 --> 01:00:13,389
- Hi.
- Oh, my.
636
01:00:13,472 --> 01:00:16,976
I apologize for the way
things look around here.
637
01:00:26,986 --> 01:00:29,530
This is where my dad hides out.
638
01:00:29,613 --> 01:00:32,074
I take it he's got a thing for guns.
639
01:00:33,617 --> 01:00:37,580
You gotta see
this one thing.
640
01:00:37,663 --> 01:00:41,083
My dad would kill me
if he knew I was in here.
641
01:00:41,167 --> 01:00:43,169
Did you steal his keys?
642
01:00:43,252 --> 01:00:46,172

No. One of my clients
is a locksmith.
643
01:00:46,255 --> 01:00:50,217
He was short on cash one night,
so I let him pay me in trade.
644
01:01:03,439 --> 01:01:05,608
Turn it over.
645
01:01:08,861 --> 01:01:11,530
Oh, my God.
646
01:01:11,614 --> 01:01:14,033
It's, like, official state china
of the Third Reich.
647
01:01:14,116 --> 01:01:18,037
There's a whole subculture
of people who collect this Nazi shit.
648
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:20,623
But my dad just has
this one thing.
649
01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:36,055
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
650
01:01:36,138 --> 01:01:39,141
No, you're scared of me.
651
01:01:40,226 --> 01:01:42,395
No, I'm not.
652
01:01:42,478 --> 01:01:46,982
You want to see the most beautiful thing
I've ever filmed?
653
01:02:09,714 --> 01:02:12,133
It was one of those days...
654
01:02:12,216 --> 01:02:15,177
where it's a minute
away from snowing,
655
01:02:17,388 --> 01:02:20,349

and there was this electricity
in the air.
656
01:02:22,810 --> 01:02:25,396
You can almost hear it.
657
01:02:25,479 --> 01:02:27,565
Right?
658
01:02:31,319 --> 01:02:35,156
And this bag was just...
659
01:02:35,239 --> 01:02:38,034
dancing with me,
660
01:02:40,036 --> 01:02:44,915
like a little kid
begging me to play with it,
661
01:02:44,999 --> 01:02:47,585
for 15 minutes.
662
01:02:51,047 --> 01:02:55,134
That's the day I realized
that there was this...
663
01:02:55,217 --> 01:02:59,138
entire life behind things...
664
01:03:02,266 --> 01:03:06,354
and this incredibly
benevolent force...
665
01:03:06,437 --> 01:03:10,733
that wanted me to know that there
was no reason to be afraid...
666
01:03:12,318 --> 01:03:14,528
ever.
667
01:03:16,739 --> 01:03:19,367
Video's a poor excuse, I know,
668
01:03:22,119 --> 01:03:24,622
but it helps me remember.
669
01:03:28,334 --> 01:03:30,753
I need to remember.
670
01:03:37,635 --> 01:03:40,888
Sometimes there's so much...
671
01:03:40,971 --> 01:03:43,849
beauty...
672
01:03:43,933 --> 01:03:46,352
in the world.
673
01:03:47,770 --> 01:03:51,232
I feel like
I can't take it...
674
01:03:54,402 --> 01:03:57,238
and my heart...
675
01:03:57,321 --> 01:03:59,865
is just going to...
676
01:03:59,949 --> 01:04:02,284
cave in.
677
01:04:48,789 --> 01:04:52,376
Oh, my God.
What time is it?
678
01:04:59,342 --> 01:05:01,969
- Sorry I'm late.
- No, that's quite all right, dear.
679
01:05:02,053 --> 01:05:04,930
Your father and I were
just discussing his day at work.
680
01:05:05,014 --> 01:05:07,433
Why don't you tell
our daughter about it, honey?
681
01:05:07,516 --> 01:05:10,561
Janie, today I quit my job.
682
01:05:10,644 --> 01:05:13,564
Then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and
then I blackmailed him for almost $60,000.

683
01:05:13,647 --> 01:05:15,483
- Pass the asparagus.
- Your father seems to think...
684
01:05:15,566 --> 01:05:18,027
this kind of behavior
is something to be proud of.
685
01:05:18,110 --> 01:05:20,863
And your mother seems to prefer that I
go through life like a fucking prisoner...
686
01:05:20,946 --> 01:05:23,199
while she keeps my dick
in a Mason jar under the sink.
687
01:05:23,282 --> 01:05:25,868
How dare you speak to me
that way in front of her?
688
01:05:25,951 --> 01:05:28,537
And I marvel that you can be
so contemptuous of me...
689
01:05:28,621 --> 01:05:31,123
on the same day
that you lose your job!
690
01:05:31,207 --> 01:05:33,376
I didn't lose it. It's not like,
"Whoops, where did my job go?"
691
01:05:33,459 --> 01:05:35,378
I quit!
Pass the asparagus.
692
01:05:35,461 --> 01:05:38,714
Oh, oh, oh! And I want to thank you for
putting me under the added pressure...
693
01:05:38,798 --> 01:05:40,841
of being the sole
breadwinner now.
694
01:05:40,925 --> 01:05:42,843
- I already have a job.
- No, no!
695
01:05:42,927 --> 01:05:45,513
Don't give a second thought
as to who's going to pay the mortgage.
696
01:05:45,596 --> 01:05:47,848
We'll leave it up to Carolyn. "You're going
to take care of everything now, Carolyn?"
697
01:05:47,932 --> 01:05:49,684
"Yes. I don't mind."
698
01:05:49,767 --> 01:05:52,395
"Everything? You don't mind having
the sole responsibility?
699
01:05:52,478 --> 01:05:55,064
Your husband feels he can just
quit his job, and you don't..."
700
01:05:55,147 --> 01:05:57,358
Will someone please pass me
the fucking asparagus?
701
01:05:57,441 --> 01:06:00,027
- I'm not going to be a part of this.
- Sit down!
702
01:06:20,423 --> 01:06:23,759
I am sick and tired of being treated
like I don't exist.
703
01:06:23,843 --> 01:06:27,930
You two do whatever you want to do whenever
you want to do it, and I don't complain.
704
01:06:28,014 --> 01:06:31,267
- All I want...
- Oh, you don't complain? Oh, please! Excuse me!
705
01:06:31,350 --> 01:06:34,270
I must be psychotic then!
If you don't complain, what is this?
706
01:06:34,353 --> 01:06:38,733
Yeah, let's bring in the laugh meter
and see how loud it gets on that one.
707
01:06:49,452 --> 01:06:51,746
Don't interrupt me, honey.
708
01:07:05,718 --> 01:07:07,720
And another thing.
709
01:07:07,803 --> 01:07:10,389
From now on, we're going
to alternate our dinner music,
710
01:07:10,473 --> 01:07:13,059
because, frankly...
and I don't think I'm alone here...
711
01:07:13,142 --> 01:07:16,520
I am really tired
of this Lawrence Welk shit.
712
01:07:25,112 --> 01:07:27,782
- Go away.
- Please.
713
01:07:27,865 --> 01:07:29,992
Please let me in.
714
01:07:38,626 --> 01:07:41,671
Look, I wish that you hadn't witnessed
that awful scene tonight,
715
01:07:41,754 --> 01:07:43,673
but in a way, I'm glad.
716
01:07:43,756 --> 01:07:47,385
Why? So I could see
what freaks you and Dad really are?
717
01:07:47,468 --> 01:07:49,553
Me?
718
01:07:51,138 --> 01:07:53,891
Tsk. God.
719
01:07:53,974 --> 01:07:56,602
Oh, Christ. Mom.
720
01:07:56,686 --> 01:07:59,563

No, I'm glad because, uh...
721
01:08:01,816 --> 01:08:07,279
because you're old enough now to learn
the most important lesson in life:
722
01:08:07,363 --> 01:08:11,534
You cannot count
on anyone except yourself.
723
01:08:16,372 --> 01:08:19,542
You cannot count on
anyone except yourself.
724
01:08:21,002 --> 01:08:23,838
You know, it's sad but true,
725
01:08:23,921 --> 01:08:26,298
and the sooner you learn it,
the better.
726
01:08:26,382 --> 01:08:30,302
Look, Mom, I really don't feel like
having a Kodak moment here.
727
01:08:30,386 --> 01:08:33,222
You ungrateful little brat!
728
01:08:33,305 --> 01:08:36,350
Just look at everything
you have!
729
01:08:36,434 --> 01:08:39,020
When I was your age,
I lived in a duplex!
730
01:08:39,103 --> 01:08:43,065
We didn't even have
our own house.
731
01:10:42,685 --> 01:10:44,603
You little bastard!
732
01:10:44,687 --> 01:10:46,605
Dad, no, I just...
733
01:10:46,689 --> 01:10:48,774

How did you get in there?
734
01:10:48,858 --> 01:10:50,693
How? How?
735
01:10:52,653 --> 01:10:54,989
Come on! Get up!
Come on!
736
01:10:55,072 --> 01:10:56,907
Get up!
737
01:10:56,991 --> 01:10:58,993
Fight back,
you little pussy!
738
01:10:59,076 --> 01:11:01,787
- No, sir, I won't fight you.
- How?
739
01:11:01,871 --> 01:11:04,832
- How did you get in there?
- I picked the lock, sir.
740
01:11:04,915 --> 01:11:08,586
What were you looking for, huh?
Money? Are you on dope again?
741
01:11:08,669 --> 01:11:12,465
No, sir. I wanted to show
my girlfriend your Nazi plate.
742
01:11:12,548 --> 01:11:14,342
A girlfriend?
743
01:11:14,425 --> 01:11:17,094
Yes, sir. She lives next door.
744
01:11:30,024 --> 01:11:32,693
Her name's Jane.
745
01:11:51,671 --> 01:11:54,590
This is for
your own good, boy.
746
01:11:56,926 --> 01:12:01,597
You have no respect for other

people's things and for authority...
747
01:12:01,681 --> 01:12:03,724
Yes, sir. I'm sorry.
748
01:12:03,808 --> 01:12:07,978
Can't just go around doing
whatever you feel like.
749
01:12:08,062 --> 01:12:10,481
You can't.
There are rules in life.
750
01:12:10,564 --> 01:12:13,317
Yes, sir.
751
01:12:15,277 --> 01:12:18,698
You need structure, yeah.
You need...
752
01:12:18,781 --> 01:12:21,701
- Discipline.
- Yes, sir. Thank you for trying to teach me.
753
01:12:21,784 --> 01:12:24,120
Don't give up on me, Dad.
754
01:12:28,916 --> 01:12:30,835
Oh, Ricky.
755
01:12:35,798 --> 01:12:38,467
You stay out of there.
756
01:13:25,973 --> 01:13:28,225
- Whoo!
- I gotta say, Mrs. Burnham,
757
01:13:28,309 --> 01:13:32,271
when you first came here, I thought you
would be hopeless, but you're a natural.
758
01:13:32,355 --> 01:13:35,900
Well, all I know is
I love shooting this gun.
759
01:14:49,098 --> 01:14:51,017
What?
760
01:14:51,100 --> 01:14:53,728
Uh, whose car is that
out front?
761
01:14:53,811 --> 01:14:56,314
Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird,
762
01:14:56,397 --> 01:14:59,233
the car I've always wanted,
and now I have it.
763
01:14:59,317 --> 01:15:02,028
- I rule!
- Uh-huh. Where's the Camry?
764
01:15:02,111 --> 01:15:04,196
I traded it in.
765
01:15:04,280 --> 01:15:08,576
- Shouldn't you have consulted me first?
- Hm, let me think.
766
01:15:08,659 --> 01:15:10,911
No. You never drove it.
767
01:15:12,705 --> 01:15:15,708
Have you done something different?
You look great.
768
01:15:20,838 --> 01:15:22,757
Where's Jane?
769
01:15:22,840 --> 01:15:25,051
Jane not home.
770
01:15:31,599 --> 01:15:33,517
We have...
771
01:15:36,145 --> 01:15:39,190
the whole house...
772
01:15:39,273 --> 01:15:41,817
to ourselves.
773
01:15:43,986 --> 01:15:46,822

Christ, Carolyn.
774
01:15:46,906 --> 01:15:49,325
When did you become so...
775
01:15:50,993 --> 01:15:54,038
joyless?
776
01:15:54,121 --> 01:15:56,707
Joyless?
777
01:15:56,791 --> 01:15:59,335
I am not joyless.
778
01:15:59,418 --> 01:16:02,004
There happens to be
a lot about me...
779
01:16:02,088 --> 01:16:06,008
that you don't know,
Mr. Smarty Man.
780
01:16:06,092 --> 01:16:09,428
There's plenty of joy
in my life.
781
01:16:11,847 --> 01:16:14,350
Whatever happened to that girl...
782
01:16:17,353 --> 01:16:23,109
who used to fake seizures
at frat parties when she got bored?
783
01:16:23,192 --> 01:16:28,030
Who used to run up to the roof
of our first apartment building...
784
01:16:28,114 --> 01:16:30,866
to flash
the traffic helicopters?
785
01:16:30,950 --> 01:16:35,621
Have you totally forgotten about her?
786
01:16:35,705 --> 01:16:37,873
Because I haven't.
787
01:16:50,970 --> 01:16:54,223
Lester, you're going
to spill beer on the couch.
788
01:17:01,314 --> 01:17:03,232
So what?
It's just a couch.
789
01:17:05,568 --> 01:17:07,862
This is a $4,000 sofa,
790
01:17:07,945 --> 01:17:09,864
upholstered in Italian silk.
791
01:17:09,947 --> 01:17:12,033
This is not just a couch.
792
01:17:12,116 --> 01:17:15,870
It's just... a... couch!
793
01:17:15,953 --> 01:17:18,164
This isn't life!
794
01:17:18,247 --> 01:17:20,416
This is just stuff,
795
01:17:20,499 --> 01:17:23,085
and it's become more important
to you than living.
796
01:17:23,169 --> 01:17:25,379
Well, honey,
that's just nuts.
797
01:17:34,430 --> 01:17:36,932
I'm only trying to help you!
798
01:17:42,063 --> 01:17:44,857
Don't.
799
01:17:44,940 --> 01:17:47,026
Why?
800
01:17:49,779 --> 01:17:52,281
It's weird watching myself.
801
01:17:52,365 --> 01:17:54,784
I don't like how I look.
802
01:17:57,370 --> 01:18:00,289
I can't believe you don't know
how beautiful you are.
803
01:18:00,373 --> 01:18:04,377
Look. I'm not going
to sit here for that shit.
804
01:18:12,802 --> 01:18:15,721
Ha! How does it feel now?
805
01:18:15,805 --> 01:18:17,765
Fine.
806
01:18:17,848 --> 01:18:19,850
You don't feel naked?
807
01:18:21,227 --> 01:18:23,479
I am naked.
808
01:18:23,562 --> 01:18:25,982
You know what I mean.
809
01:18:35,074 --> 01:18:38,160
So tell me about
being in the hospital.
810
01:18:41,163 --> 01:18:45,167
When I was 15,
my dad caught me smoking dope.
811
01:18:45,251 --> 01:18:50,423
He totally freaked and decided
to send me to military school.
812
01:18:50,506 --> 01:18:54,010
I told you this whole thing
about structure and discipline, right?
813
01:18:54,093 --> 01:18:57,680
Of course,
I got kicked out.
814
01:18:57,763 --> 01:19:00,182
Dad and I had
this huge fight.
815
01:19:00,266 --> 01:19:03,394
He hit me.
816
01:19:03,477 --> 01:19:07,440
And the next day at school,
some kid made a crack about my haircut,
817
01:19:09,233 --> 01:19:11,360
and I just snapped.
818
01:19:15,031 --> 01:19:18,409
I wanted to kill him.
819
01:19:18,492 --> 01:19:20,870
I would've... killed him...
820
01:19:22,872 --> 01:19:25,458
if they hadn't pulled me off.
821
01:19:28,544 --> 01:19:32,590
That's when my dad
put me in the hospital.
822
01:19:32,673 --> 01:19:36,510
They drugged me up and left me
in there for two years.
823
01:19:37,970 --> 01:19:40,306
Wow.
824
01:19:40,389 --> 01:19:43,434
You must really hate him.
825
01:19:43,517 --> 01:19:46,187
No.
826
01:19:46,270 --> 01:19:48,439
He's not a bad man.
827
01:19:48,522 --> 01:19:53,152
Well, you'd better believe I'd hate my
dad if he did something like that to me.
828
01:19:53,235 --> 01:19:55,029
Wait.
829
01:19:55,112 --> 01:19:57,406
I already do hate my dad.
830
01:19:59,241 --> 01:20:01,369
Why?
831
01:20:03,371 --> 01:20:06,957
He's a total asshole;
he's got this crush on my friend Angela,
832
01:20:07,041 --> 01:20:09,251
and it's disgusting.
833
01:20:09,335 --> 01:20:12,880
You'd rather he had the crush on you.
834
01:20:12,963 --> 01:20:15,257
Gross. No.
835
01:20:18,636 --> 01:20:23,140
But it'd be nice if I was anywhere near
as important to him as she is.
836
01:20:26,227 --> 01:20:31,148
I know you think my dad's harmless,
but you're wrong.
837
01:20:31,232 --> 01:20:34,485
He's doing massive
psychological damage to me.
838
01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:36,737
How?
839
01:20:36,821 --> 01:20:40,366
Well, now I, too,
need structure,
840
01:20:40,449 --> 01:20:43,619
a little fucking discipline.
841
01:20:54,171 --> 01:20:56,841
I'm serious, though.

842
01:20:56,924 --> 01:20:59,844
How could he not
be damaging me?
843
01:21:01,804 --> 01:21:04,724
I need a father
who's a role model,
844
01:21:04,807 --> 01:21:07,393
not some horny geek boy
who's going to spray his shorts...
845
01:21:07,476 --> 01:21:12,189
whenever I bring a girlfriend
home from school.
846
01:21:12,273 --> 01:21:14,525
What a lame-o.
847
01:21:16,986 --> 01:21:20,156
Someone really should just...
put him out of his misery.
848
01:21:23,617 --> 01:21:26,329
Want me to kill him for you?
849
01:21:35,004 --> 01:21:37,173
Yeah. Would you?
850
01:21:38,924 --> 01:21:40,885
It'll cost you.
851
01:21:40,968 --> 01:21:43,637
I've been baby-sitting
since I was about ten.
852
01:21:43,721 --> 01:21:46,265
I've got almost $3,000.
853
01:21:48,851 --> 01:21:51,604
Of course I was saving it up
for a boob job.
854
01:21:53,105 --> 01:21:55,274
But...
855
01:22:08,788 --> 01:22:12,208
You know, that's not
a very nice thing to do...
856
01:22:14,585 --> 01:22:17,046
hiring someone
to kill your dad.
857
01:22:19,757 --> 01:22:24,428
Well, I guess I'm not
a very nice girl then, am I?
858
01:22:46,909 --> 01:22:49,620
You know I'm not serious, right?
859
01:22:50,705 --> 01:22:52,748
Of course.
860
01:23:07,388 --> 01:23:11,267
You know how lucky we are
to have found each other?
861
01:23:16,022 --> 01:23:18,482
Remember those posters that said...
862
01:23:18,566 --> 01:23:22,945
"Today is the first day
of the rest of your life"?
863
01:23:23,029 --> 01:23:27,616
Well, that's true
with every day except one...
864
01:23:27,700 --> 01:23:29,910
the day you die.
865
01:24:08,949 --> 01:24:10,743
Jane, hurry up.
866
01:24:10,826 --> 01:24:13,913
I've got a very important
appointment.
867
01:24:13,996 --> 01:24:18,167
- Is it okay if Angela sleeps over tonight?
- She's always welcome.
868
01:24:18,250 --> 01:24:22,630
I thought you two had a fight. I haven't
seen her around here in a while.
869
01:24:29,595 --> 01:24:31,555
What?
870
01:24:31,639 --> 01:24:34,725
I've been too embarrassed
to bring her over,
871
01:24:34,809 --> 01:24:37,395
because of you and that way
that you behave.
872
01:24:37,478 --> 01:24:40,815
- What are you talking about? I've barely even spoken to her.
- Dad!
873
01:24:40,898 --> 01:24:44,235
You stare at her all the time
like you're drunk!
874
01:24:44,318 --> 01:24:46,570
- It's disgusting!
- You better watch yourself,
875
01:24:46,654 --> 01:24:51,325
or you're going to turn into
a real bitch just like your mother!
876
01:24:53,577 --> 01:24:55,496
Oh, fuck.
877
01:25:03,421 --> 01:25:05,923
You ready to go?
878
01:25:06,007 --> 01:25:08,175
Oh, I-I don't need a ride.
879
01:25:08,259 --> 01:25:10,678
I'm going with Jane
and her mom.
880
01:25:17,685 --> 01:25:19,603
Oh, morning!
881
01:25:19,687 --> 01:25:21,647
Yo, Ricky!
882
01:25:21,731 --> 01:25:24,650
- How's it going?
- Pretty decent, Mr. Burnham.
883
01:25:24,734 --> 01:25:26,861
Hey. Wait.
884
01:26:45,439 --> 01:26:48,359
I need that Super Smiley
with cheese ASAP!
885
01:26:48,442 --> 01:26:51,320
- You need more than that, my little hombre.
- May I take your order?
886
01:26:51,404 --> 01:26:54,407
- Oh, yeah! What's good here?
- Nothing.
887
01:26:54,490 --> 01:26:57,535
Oh, well, then I guess
we'll just have to be bad, won't we?
888
01:26:57,618 --> 01:27:00,955
I'll have a Double Smiley sandwich,
889
01:27:01,038 --> 01:27:03,541
- curly fries and a vanilla shake.
- Make that two.
890
01:27:03,624 --> 01:27:07,461
That'll be 7.98. Please
drive up to the window. Thank you.
891
01:27:07,545 --> 01:27:11,966
I think we deserve a little junk food
after the workout we had this morning.
892
01:27:13,968 --> 01:27:17,471
- Did you know that?
- Thank you. I'm flattered.
893
01:27:17,555 --> 01:27:20,182
Smile!
You're at Mr. Smiley's!
894
01:27:21,809 --> 01:27:24,895
Would you like to try our new beef
and cheese pot pie on a stick?
895
01:27:24,979 --> 01:27:27,440
Just $1.99 for
a limited time only.
896
01:27:27,523 --> 01:27:32,486
- We were just at a seminar. Buddy, this is my...
- Her husband.
897
01:27:32,570 --> 01:27:34,989
We've met before,
but something tells me...
898
01:27:35,072 --> 01:27:37,450
you're going
to remember me this time.
899
01:27:37,533 --> 01:27:39,577
Whoa!
900
01:27:39,660 --> 01:27:42,663
You are so busted.
901
01:27:42,747 --> 01:27:44,790
This really doesn't concern you.
902
01:27:44,874 --> 01:27:49,587
Well, actually, Janine is senior
drive-thru manager, so you are on her turf.
903
01:27:51,881 --> 01:27:56,427
So, this makes sense.
904
01:27:56,510 --> 01:27:58,971
- Oh, Lester...
- Honey, it's okay.
905
01:27:59,055 --> 01:28:02,808
I want you to be happy.
Would you like Smiley Sauce with that?
906
01:28:02,892 --> 01:28:04,810

- Lester, just stop it!
- No, no.
907
01:28:04,894 --> 01:28:06,979
You...
908
01:28:07,063 --> 01:28:10,149
don't get to tell me
what to do...
909
01:28:10,232 --> 01:28:12,610
ever again.
910
01:28:26,540 --> 01:28:28,542
I'm sorry.
911
01:28:30,002 --> 01:28:32,922
I guess we should
cool it for a while.
912
01:28:35,007 --> 01:28:38,135
I'm facing a potentially
very expensive divorce.
913
01:28:38,219 --> 01:28:41,138
No, no,
I understand completely.
914
01:28:41,222 --> 01:28:43,557
It's...
915
01:28:43,641 --> 01:28:48,854
"In order to be successful, one must
project an image of success at all times."
916
01:29:15,172 --> 01:29:17,425
Stop it. Stop it.
917
01:29:56,130 --> 01:29:59,425
Shit.
918
01:30:06,390 --> 01:30:08,476
I have to run next door.
919
01:30:08,559 --> 01:30:12,647
Jane left her geometry book in my bag,
and she needs it to do her homework.

920
01:30:21,405 --> 01:30:26,160
So you and psycho boy are fucking on,
like, a regular basis now, right?
921
01:30:26,243 --> 01:30:28,245
No.
922
01:30:28,329 --> 01:30:31,415
Come on. You can tell me.
Does he have a big dick?
923
01:30:31,499 --> 01:30:35,920
I'm not going to talk about his dick
with you, okay? It's not like that.
924
01:30:36,003 --> 01:30:39,340
Not like what?
Doesn't he have one?
925
01:30:39,423 --> 01:30:41,676
Why don't you want
to talk about it?
926
01:30:41,759 --> 01:30:45,137
- I tell you every detail about every guy that I fuck.
- Yeah.
927
01:30:45,221 --> 01:30:50,059
Maybe you shouldn't, all right? Maybe I
really don't want to hear about all that.
928
01:30:50,142 --> 01:30:53,854
So now that you have a boyfriend,
you're, like, above it?
929
01:30:53,938 --> 01:30:57,942
We got to get you
a real man.
930
01:31:17,878 --> 01:31:21,465
- You got any papers?
- Yeah, in the cigar box right over there.
931
01:31:21,549 --> 01:31:25,136
Put up a fight, dude. You are such a
pushover. "No, I can't, really. Okay."
932
01:31:25,219 --> 01:31:27,471
You should learn
to roll a joint.
933
01:32:31,619 --> 01:32:33,788
Oh! Hi.
934
01:32:33,871 --> 01:32:36,874
- Where's Mom?
- Don't know.
935
01:32:36,957 --> 01:32:40,211
- Hi, Mr. Burnham.
- Hi.
936
01:32:40,294 --> 01:32:44,715
Wow, look at you.
Have you been working out?
937
01:32:44,799 --> 01:32:47,468
Some.
938
01:32:51,013 --> 01:32:53,307
You can really tell.
939
01:32:55,726 --> 01:32:57,812
Look at those arms.
940
01:33:02,274 --> 01:33:04,485
You like... muscles?
941
01:33:06,070 --> 01:33:10,992
I should probably
go see what Jane's up to.
942
01:33:22,128 --> 01:33:24,380
Where did you get that?
943
01:33:26,340 --> 01:33:29,427
- From my job.
- Don't lie to me.
944
01:33:32,054 --> 01:33:35,016
Now, I saw you with him.
945
01:33:35,099 --> 01:33:37,518

You were watching me?
946
01:33:38,686 --> 01:33:40,938
What does he make you do?
947
01:33:41,022 --> 01:33:43,482
Oh.
948
01:33:43,566 --> 01:33:46,319
Dad, you don't really think
me and Mr. Burnham...
949
01:33:46,402 --> 01:33:49,613
Don't you laugh at me!
950
01:33:49,697 --> 01:33:54,618
I will not sit back and watch
my only son become a cock sucker!
951
01:33:54,702 --> 01:33:56,620
Jesus, what is it with you?
952
01:33:59,373 --> 01:34:01,709
I swear to God...
953
01:34:01,792 --> 01:34:04,503
I'll throw you out of this house
and never look at you again!
954
01:34:04,587 --> 01:34:08,632
- You mean that.
- You're damn straight I do!
955
01:34:08,716 --> 01:34:12,636
I'd rather you were dead
than be a fuckin' faggot!
956
01:34:23,814 --> 01:34:26,067
You're right.
957
01:34:29,403 --> 01:34:32,365
- I suck dick for money.
- Boy, don't start.
958
01:34:32,448 --> 01:34:36,327
- Two thousand dollars. I'm that good.
- Get out!
959
01:34:36,410 --> 01:34:40,873
You should see me fuck. I'm the
best piece of ass in three states.
960
01:34:40,956 --> 01:34:44,752
Damn it, get out!
I don't ever want to see you again.
961
01:34:50,675 --> 01:34:54,679
What a sad...
old man you are.
962
01:34:55,930 --> 01:34:57,848
Get out.
963
01:35:23,749 --> 01:35:27,378
Mom... I'm leaving.
964
01:35:27,461 --> 01:35:29,630
Okay.
965
01:35:32,299 --> 01:35:34,301
Wear a raincoat.
966
01:35:41,392 --> 01:35:44,312
I wish things would have
been better for you.
967
01:35:48,316 --> 01:35:50,318
Take care of Dad.
968
01:36:22,266 --> 01:36:24,810
...disinvesting problems of power...
969
01:36:24,894 --> 01:36:27,730
and removing their ability
to make us afraid.
970
01:36:27,813 --> 01:36:31,150
This is the secret
to "Me-Centered Living."
971
01:36:31,233 --> 01:36:33,944
Only by taking
full responsibility...
972
01:36:34,028 --> 01:36:36,405
for your actions
and their solutions...
973
01:36:36,489 --> 01:36:40,451
will you ever break free
from the constant cycle of victimhood.
974
01:36:40,534 --> 01:36:45,956
You are only a victim if you choose
to be a victim. We all have the power...
975
01:36:46,040 --> 01:36:48,668
I don't think
we can be friends any more!
976
01:36:48,751 --> 01:36:50,670
You're too uptight about sex.
977
01:36:50,753 --> 01:36:54,090
Just don't fuck my dad,
all right?
978
01:36:54,173 --> 01:36:56,300
- Please?
- Why not?
979
01:36:56,384 --> 01:36:59,804
Dad, leave us alone!
980
01:36:59,887 --> 01:37:02,348
It's me.
981
01:37:02,431 --> 01:37:05,726
- If I had to leave tonight, would you come with me?
- What?
982
01:37:05,810 --> 01:37:09,397
If I had to go to New York to live,
tonight, would you come with me?
983
01:37:11,065 --> 01:37:13,109
Yes.
984
01:37:13,192 --> 01:37:17,655
You guys can't be serious. You're just
a kid, and he's, like, a mental case.

985
01:37:17,738 --> 01:37:21,659
- You'll end up living in a box on the street.
- I'm no more a kid than you are.
986
01:37:21,742 --> 01:37:24,954
- We can use my plastic surgery money.
- We won't have to.
987
01:37:25,037 --> 01:37:28,749
I have over $40,000. I know people
in the city that can help us get set up.
988
01:37:28,833 --> 01:37:32,003
- What, other drug dealers?
- Yes.
989
01:37:32,086 --> 01:37:35,089
- You'd be out of your mind to go with him.
- Why do you even care?
990
01:37:35,172 --> 01:37:38,175
- Because you're my friend.
- She's not your friend.
991
01:37:38,259 --> 01:37:40,511
She's someone you use
to feel better about yourself.
992
01:37:40,594 --> 01:37:44,015
- Go fuck yourself, psycho!
- Hey, shut up, bitch!
993
01:37:44,098 --> 01:37:47,184
- Jane, he's a freak!
- Well, then so am I!
994
01:37:47,268 --> 01:37:50,604
We'll always be freaks,
and we'll never be like other people!
995
01:37:50,688 --> 01:37:54,400
And you'll never be a freak
'cause you're just... too perfect!
996
01:37:54,483 --> 01:37:58,779
Yeah, well,
at least I'm not ugly.

997
01:38:00,614 --> 01:38:02,742
Yes, you are.
998
01:38:02,825 --> 01:38:06,370
And you're boring,
and you're totally ordinary,
999
01:38:06,454 --> 01:38:09,040
and you know it.
1000
01:38:11,417 --> 01:38:13,586
You two deserve each other.
1001
01:39:14,271 --> 01:39:16,691
Jesus, man,
you're soaked.
1002
01:39:27,284 --> 01:39:31,205
You want me to get Ricky?
He's in Jane's room.
1003
01:39:32,540 --> 01:39:34,667
Are you okay?
1004
01:39:34,750 --> 01:39:36,711
Where's your wife?
1005
01:39:38,254 --> 01:39:40,339
Uh, I don't know.
1006
01:39:40,423 --> 01:39:44,385
Probably out fucking that dorky
Prince of Real Estate asshole.
1007
01:39:45,720 --> 01:39:48,306
And you know what?
1008
01:39:48,389 --> 01:39:50,349
I don't care.
1009
01:40:00,735 --> 01:40:03,654
Your wife is
with another man, and...
1010
01:40:03,738 --> 01:40:05,823

you don't care?
1011
01:40:08,075 --> 01:40:10,494
Nope.
1012
01:40:10,578 --> 01:40:13,331
Our marriage is just for show.
1013
01:40:13,414 --> 01:40:16,584
A commercial
for how normal we are...
1014
01:40:16,667 --> 01:40:18,878
when we're anything but.
1015
01:40:26,510 --> 01:40:28,679
Jesus, man,
you are shaking.
1016
01:40:28,763 --> 01:40:32,600
We really ought to get you
out of these clothes.
1017
01:40:32,683 --> 01:40:35,519
Yeah.
1018
01:40:35,603 --> 01:40:38,689
It's okay.
1019
01:40:41,108 --> 01:40:44,362
I... am...
1020
01:40:44,445 --> 01:40:47,448
You just tell me what you need.
1021
01:40:50,660 --> 01:40:53,204
It's okay.
1022
01:41:08,552 --> 01:41:10,805
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1023
01:41:14,392 --> 01:41:16,852
I'm sorry.
1024
01:41:16,936 --> 01:41:19,438
Y-You got the wrong idea.

1025
01:41:56,350 --> 01:41:58,853
"I refuse to be a victim."
1026
01:41:58,936 --> 01:42:01,188
When this becomes your mantra,
1027
01:42:01,272 --> 01:42:04,233
constantly reinforcing
your new non...
1028
01:42:06,944 --> 01:42:10,364
I refuse to be a victim!
1029
01:42:54,116 --> 01:42:57,370
I hope you don't mind
if I play the stereo.
1030
01:42:57,453 --> 01:42:59,705
Not at all.
1031
01:42:59,789 --> 01:43:02,458
Bad night?
1032
01:43:02,541 --> 01:43:05,628
Not really bad, just...
1033
01:43:05,711 --> 01:43:07,713
strange.
1034
01:43:07,797 --> 01:43:12,510
Believe me, it couldn't possibly be
any stranger than mine.
1035
01:43:19,642 --> 01:43:23,562
Jane and I had a fight.
1036
01:43:23,646 --> 01:43:25,773
It was about you.
1037
01:43:28,401 --> 01:43:31,529
She's mad at me because...
1038
01:43:31,612 --> 01:43:33,906
I said I think you're sexy.
1039
01:43:35,992 --> 01:43:38,077
Do you want a sip?
1040
01:43:38,160 --> 01:43:40,746
Sure.
1041
01:44:08,441 --> 01:44:11,944
So.
1042
01:44:12,028 --> 01:44:15,239
You gonna tell me?
1043
01:44:18,701 --> 01:44:21,245
What do you want?
1044
01:44:24,206 --> 01:44:27,960
I don't know.
1045
01:44:28,044 --> 01:44:32,590
You... don't know?
1046
01:44:32,673 --> 01:44:36,135
What do you want?
1047
01:44:36,218 --> 01:44:39,221
Are you kidding?
1048
01:44:39,305 --> 01:44:42,516
I want you.
1049
01:44:45,186 --> 01:44:48,898
I've wanted you since
the first moment I saw you.
1050
01:44:51,317 --> 01:44:54,862
You are the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen.
1051
01:45:02,495 --> 01:45:05,831
You don't think I'm ordinary?
1052
01:45:07,708 --> 01:45:11,629
You couldn't be ordinary if you tried.
1053
01:45:14,048 --> 01:45:16,801

Thank you.
1054
01:45:16,884 --> 01:45:21,472
I don't think there's anything
worse than being ordinary.
1055
01:45:38,990 --> 01:45:41,492
I refuse to be a victim.
1056
01:45:41,575 --> 01:45:44,996
1057
01:45:45,079 --> 01:45:47,164
Lester,
1058
01:45:47,248 --> 01:45:50,042
I have something
I have to say to you.
1059
01:46:38,966 --> 01:46:42,219
Are you scared?
1060
01:46:42,303 --> 01:46:44,764
I don't get scared.
1061
01:46:47,391 --> 01:46:50,144
My parents will try
to find me.
1062
01:46:50,227 --> 01:46:53,272
Mine won't.
1063
01:47:13,501 --> 01:47:16,462
This is my first time.
1064
01:47:18,964 --> 01:47:21,092
You're kidding.
1065
01:47:21,175 --> 01:47:23,177
I'm sorry.
1066
01:47:23,260 --> 01:47:25,888
I still want to do it.
1067
01:47:25,972 --> 01:47:29,266

I just... thought
I should tell you...
1068
01:47:29,350 --> 01:47:31,560
in case you wondered why I...
1069
01:47:31,644 --> 01:47:34,480
I wasn't... better.
1070
01:47:47,660 --> 01:47:49,912
What's wrong?
1071
01:47:55,960 --> 01:47:59,755
I thought you said
I was beautiful.
1072
01:47:59,839 --> 01:48:01,882
You are beautiful.
1073
01:48:04,593 --> 01:48:08,222
You are so... beautiful.
1074
01:48:11,559 --> 01:48:14,020
And I would be a very...
1075
01:48:14,103 --> 01:48:16,063
lucky man.
1076
01:48:17,398 --> 01:48:20,026
I feel so stupid.
1077
01:48:20,109 --> 01:48:22,611
Don't.
1078
01:48:22,695 --> 01:48:25,740
- Shh.
- I'm sorry.
1079
01:48:25,823 --> 01:48:29,827
You have nothing
to be sorry about.
1080
01:48:29,910 --> 01:48:32,830
It's okay.
1081
01:48:32,913 --> 01:48:36,208

Everything's okay.
1082
01:48:51,265 --> 01:48:54,018
Wow, I was starving.
1083
01:48:54,101 --> 01:48:58,606
- Do you want me to make you another one?
- No, no, no. I'm fine.
1084
01:48:58,689 --> 01:49:01,025
You sure?
1085
01:49:01,108 --> 01:49:06,113
I'm still a little weirded out,
but I feel better. Thanks.
1086
01:49:09,575 --> 01:49:13,287
- How's Jane?
- What do you mean?
1087
01:49:14,789 --> 01:49:17,249
I mean,
1088
01:49:17,333 --> 01:49:19,710
how's her life?
1089
01:49:19,794 --> 01:49:21,921
Is she happy?
1090
01:49:22,004 --> 01:49:25,174
Is she miserable?
1091
01:49:25,257 --> 01:49:29,804
I'd really like to know, and she'd die
before she'd ever tell me about it.
1092
01:49:32,139 --> 01:49:35,393
She's, uh...
1093
01:49:35,476 --> 01:49:38,521
She's really happy.
1094
01:49:38,604 --> 01:49:42,149
She thinks she's in love.
1095
01:49:52,868 --> 01:49:56,163

Good for her.
1096
01:49:57,999 --> 01:49:59,917
How are you?
1097
01:50:07,883 --> 01:50:11,345
It's been a long time
since anybody asked me that.
1098
01:50:17,768 --> 01:50:20,479
I'm great.
1099
01:50:26,193 --> 01:50:29,196
I've gotta go to the bathroom.
1100
01:50:41,959 --> 01:50:44,295
I'm great.
1101
01:51:18,579 --> 01:51:21,666
Man, oh man.
1102
01:51:23,542 --> 01:51:26,379
Man, oh man, oh man.
1103
01:52:01,622 --> 01:52:04,083
Oh, my God.
1104
01:52:46,000 --> 01:52:48,127
Wow.
1105
01:52:49,712 --> 01:52:52,465
I had always
heard your entire life flashes...
1106
01:52:52,548 --> 01:52:56,427
in front of your eyes
the second before you die.
1107
01:52:56,510 --> 01:52:59,263
First of all,
that one second...
1108
01:52:59,347 --> 01:53:02,099
isn't a second at all.
1109
01:53:02,183 --> 01:53:04,268

It stretches on forever,
1110
01:53:04,352 --> 01:53:07,188
like an ocean of time.
1111
01:53:09,148 --> 01:53:12,151
For me, it was
lying on my back...
1112
01:53:12,234 --> 01:53:16,113
at Boy Scout camp,
watching falling stars.
1113
01:53:24,497 --> 01:53:27,750
And yellow leaves
from the maple trees...
1114
01:53:27,833 --> 01:53:30,252
that lined our street.
1115
01:53:39,053 --> 01:53:42,306
Or my grandmother's hands
and the way her skin...
1116
01:53:42,390 --> 01:53:44,725
seemed like paper.
1117
01:53:51,983 --> 01:53:55,736
And the first time
I saw my cousin Tony's...
1118
01:53:55,820 --> 01:53:58,781
brand-new Firebird.
1119
01:54:10,501 --> 01:54:12,586
And Janie.
1120
01:54:14,005 --> 01:54:15,923
And Janie.
1121
01:54:47,913 --> 01:54:50,291
And... Carolyn.
1122
01:54:55,296 --> 01:54:59,050
I guess I could be pretty pissed off
about what happened to me,
1123
01:54:59,133 --> 01:55:04,639
but it's hard to stay mad when
there's so much beauty in the world.
1124
01:55:04,722 --> 01:55:09,894
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing
it all at once and it's too much.
1125
01:55:09,977 --> 01:55:15,066
My heart fills up like a balloon
that's about to burst.
1126
01:55:15,149 --> 01:55:19,236
And then I remember
to relax...
1127
01:55:19,320 --> 01:55:22,406
and stop trying
to hold on to it.
1128
01:55:22,490 --> 01:55:26,077
And then it flows
through me like rain,
1129
01:55:26,160 --> 01:55:29,830
and I can't feel anything
but gratitude...
1130
01:55:29,914 --> 01:55:32,083
for every single moment...
1131
01:55:32,166 --> 01:55:36,087
of my stupid little life.
1132
01:55:36,170 --> 01:55:39,590
You have no idea what
I'm talking about, I'm sure.
1133
01:55:39,674 --> 01:55:41,676
But don't worry.
1134
01:55:42,760 --> 01:55:45,096
You will someday.

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1

00:00:21,672 --> 00:00:25,634

Well, I'll tell you:

00:03:52,091 --> 00:03:55,052

00:05:22,848 --> 00:05:25,935

00:06:06,851 --> 00:06:09,854

00:06:53,105 --> 00:06:58,110

00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:49,693

00:17:45,090 --> 00:17:48,010

00:24:19,026 --> 00:24:21,904

Well... he is a tax attorney.

00:26:25,611 --> 00:26:30,449

- Do you know him?

- You're not... Oh, that's Buddy!

00:31:06,392 --> 00:31:08,894

00:32:39,401 --> 00:32:41,820

00:33:27,908 --> 00:33:30,703

00:34:25,382 --> 00:34:29,845

00:38:21,660 --> 00:38:25,915

You've been working out,

00:47:11,607 --> 00:47:13,859

the power of denial.

You can be sure of that.

00:51:49,593 --> 00:51:52,721

<i>Because it's beautiful.</i>

00:59:31,055 --> 00:59:33,891

01:00:43,252 --> 01:00:46,172

01:02:17,388 --> 01:02:20,349

then I blackmailed him for almost $60,000.

01:07:56,686 --> 01:07:59,563

01:10:46,689 --> 01:10:48,774

You have no respect for other

01:15:43,986 --> 01:15:46,822

I'm serious, though.

01:28:02,892 --> 01:28:04,810

and she needs it to do her homework.

01:33:35,099 --> 01:33:37,518

<i>a kid, and he's, like, a mental case.</i>

at least I'm not ugly.

01:40:03,738 --> 01:40:05,823

Y-You got the wrong idea.

01:45:14,048 --> 01:45:16,801

01:47:25,972 --> 01:47:29,266

01:48:32,913 --> 01:48:36,208

01:49:52,868 --> 01:49:56,163

01:53:02,183 --> 01:53:04,268

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