NOBODY FAMOUS

Original Play (Consisting of most of Act I of the current script) by D. M. Larson. Copyright 2002 All Rights Reserved Act Is Expansion for TransWorld University and Act II by Christopher J. OBrien 2012 All Rights Reserved Cast of Characters (Only first appearance noted below)
ACT/SCENE

Female Characters
BRENDA STAR: An actress who has a chance at being famous. JULIE: A librarian who likes Brendas acting GINA: Brenda's agent. MOOCH: A fortune teller who is having an insightful day.

Male Characters
(new characters only) ROLLO: A middle aged German immigrant who is lonesome JOE: An angry customer of Moochs who didn't like her prediction. BARRY: A movie scout.

Male OR Female Characters

HEATHER: Brenda's slightly ditsy friend who takes her to see Mooch. JOAN: A fan of Brendas REPORTER (voice): A newscaster on TV LOTTO VOICE: The announcer of lottery numbers on the radio TELLER: A worker in the lottery office A LOTTERY WINNER 2 FRIENDS of WINNER

Act I Moochs Fortune Telling Parlor

Act II-1
Lottery Office

Act II-2 Weekly Competition Act II-3 Season Competition

MIDGE STORMWATER

MARCO MARTINEZ

JUDGES 1, 2, & 3 FANS (including Joan) FLORIAN TRAIN: HOST of the contest

RAQUEL ALBERTI

CORIAN MAROSI

[JUDGES 1, 2, & 3 (Same actors)]

List of Props will be provided at the end of the script. Shortened version 0.3 Cuts are shown in Yellow Changed words shown in Blue

Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 1

Act I
Time and Place: Present day psychic reading parlor.

(Front room of Madame Mooch's Mystery Readings and Message Parlor. BRENDA waits impatiently, waiting for HEATHER. ROLLO is also waiting; JULIE is currently consulting with MADAME MOOCH behind the curtained area) (A tinkly little bell rings) MOOCH: (offstage; her voice seems to have a Eastern European accent) Thank you! Next, please! (A hand emerges from behind the curtain to hang a number 8 on a hook by the entrance. ROLLO is a little startled and checks a slip of paper in his hand, and rises to go through the curtain. Just as he gets there, JULIE emerges from the entrance and holds the curtain open so ROLLO can enter. After hes inside, JULIE looks at herself in a mirror on the wall, trying to see Juliet in herselfand then recites some Shakespeare as Juliet:) JULIE: O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? (The other people in the waiting room are startled and look up at JULIE, bemused; some look away and others keep watching, discreetly) Whats in a name? that which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet. (She is stuck and cant remember the next line) BRENDA: (Reading a magazine, only half paying attention, in a sing-song voice) So Romeo would, were he not Romeo calld, / Retain that dear perfection which he owes / Without that title. JULIE: (Snapping her fingers in recognition) Oh yeah, thanks, got it! Romeo, doff thy name, / And for that name which is no part of thee / Take all myself. (She breaks off, embarrassed) HehI dont normally go reciting Shakespeare in fortune-telling parlors on Saturday nightsMadame Mooch just told me that in a past life I was Julietand I had to memorize that speech back in high school. BRENDA: I could do with some more Shakespeare on SaturdaysIm an actress, but my parts lately havent been all thathigh-browed. (offers hand to JULIE to shake) Hi, Im Brenda Staroh, the irony! (She strikes a tragic pose) JULIE: Ithought your voice sounded familiar! I was in the audience last night, for your show, A Brush with Destiny! BRENDA: (Chagrin) Aw geez, you were? Awwman, Im sorry, I know its no match for Shakespeare JULIE: (Cutting BRENDA off, with real enthusiasm) I liked it! BRENDA: . . .You huh?! . . .You liked that thing? You poor thing JULIE: Wellyeah, I know, the writing wasnt the best BRENDA: (relieved that JULIEs taste isnt as bad as she thought, speaking in a low voice) You can say that again! JULIE: I liked you. (Brenda has a reaction to this wording) I thought you did a great job with the part you had. The play wasnt anything special, but you made the evening worthwhile. BRENDA: (Staring at JULIE, a bit astonished, before speaking) Are you sure were talking about the same show uh, Miss Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 2

JULIE: (Putting out her hand to shake again) Julie. Julie Brogis. Yeah, Im sure I got some valuable information last night. (They sit side by side to talk more privately) What playwrights dramas to avoidand which actresss plays to definitely watch! BRENDA: (not used to people actually enjoying her performances) Well, my goodness. ImIm glad you liked it JULIE: Are you kidding? You just came across as so charming and bright, so likeable, I thought of you as a friend right awayof course, that was your character (embarrassed) You somehow seemed a lot smarter than your character was written, if that makes any sense. BRENDA: (Laughing, understanding, and pleased) Thank you! Thats a nice way of putting itI just felt so ridiculous saying those lines totally seriouslyso one night at rehearsal I just decided to say every single line with a little spin of irony or sarcasm. It changed the tone of the show, but the director liked it so much, he had me keep it in. JULIE: Almost turned into a parody of itself, I thought. BRENDA: Right! That was the idea. From high drama to high camp. Well, the storys all so silly anyway, superstitions, predicting the future, evil omens. I really feel silly coming here at all; it was my friends idea. Ghosts! Stereotypes! Numerology! A feast for the narrow mind! JULIE: O ye of little wit! (They laugh together, sharing a bonding moment) BRENDA: And all of this happening to a hairdressera relic of the curling iron age! JULIE: The Barber and Her Brush with Destiny! BRENDA: You know, I think the title was intended to be all deep and clever. JULIE: Yeah, when I saw the poster and the brush and scissors in the picture, I thought it would be this semiwitty comedy. Finally, at last, I really cant say just what it was. BRENDA: Its a mess, thats all. (Polite) Still, Im glad you liked it; thank you so much! JULIE: Youre welcome, and I meant it. (A little shyly) Do you have, like, a fan club yet, or can I be the founding member? BRENDA: (Blushing) Awww, geeznow I know youre kidding (She looks JULIE in the eyes, and JULIE is already looking at her with a steady, serious gaze) Well, okaymaybe not. (JULIE holds her gaze, shaking her head NO with a lopsided smile; BRENDA is embarrassed and not used to the attention, but she likes JULIE and feels theyre getting along well, so she just changes the subject for now) Youstrike me as a person who loves to read. JULIE: (Smiling anew, pleased at being recognized as a reader) Yes, I am. . .by profession as well as by habit. Im a librarian. (This commonality has provided another bonding moment, and they snuggle closer together in their chairs instinctively) Ive been a bookworm all my life. (giggling) Ive always had a soft spot for Romeo and Juliet. BRENDA: Well, the name, I guess JULIE: Sure. JulieJulietjust one letter different! My papa even calls me Juliet sometimes. Back when I was in high school, I used to dream of someone calling to me from under my balcony. . . (Suddenly, the curtain opens and ROLLO steps out, in an inspired mood. Hes an older man, around 50, and he speaks with a slight European accent. MOOCHs hand slips out to change numbers outside her curtained Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 3

area to a 9. During his next line, HEATHER enters the parlor quietly, holding her number; she sees its her turn. She tries to say hi, but BRENDA doesnt notice) ROLLO: (With a loud, ringing voice) But soft! what light through yonder window breaks? (The women break off their conversation and turn quickly to see whats going on, surprised and confused at the coincidence of Romeos lines from that scene being spoken aloud) It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. / Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon / Who is already pale and sick with grief! JULIE: (Standing in great surprise) Good grief! Whore you, mister? (Getting no response from BRENDA, HEATHER sneaks into the curtained area, unnoticed by the others) ROLLO: (With drama and mystery) In another life, I was called Romeo, of the house of Montague. BRENDA AND JULIET: Whaaat?! ROLLO: (With more normal tones, conversationally) Well, that is what Madame Mooch said. She says that last time, my love story was cut short most cruelly. But in this lifeI will have a second chance, at last. (sitting opposite them in a chair) God knows, Ive been waiting long enough. My name is Rollo Hanff. Im from Germany. Madame Mooch told me I should be on the lookout for my Juliet. (Turning to JULIE) Ill know her when I see her, Im sure, though its been so long. Ill know. (BRENDA nudges JULIET and whispers, Tell him! but JULIE doesnt want to; she doesnt seem interested in him and looks uncomfortable.) JULIE: How are you, Rollo? Are you feeling okay? ROLLO: (Sighing) Young ladies, hello. Please forgive my silliness. I dont know if this experience has left me more hopeful, or less so. BRENDA: (She stood up when Rollo introduced himself, but sits now) What do you mean, Mr. Hanff? ROLLO: Call me Rollo, please, if you would. BRENDA: Im Brenda Star; you should call me Brenda. ROLLO: You see, Brenda, Im a bachelor. Ive never been married. But I was in love once, back in Europe, long ago. And my belovedloved me back. Yes. It was the best time of my life. Ahwe were so in love! JULIE: Why didnt you get married, Rollo? ROLLO: (Vexed expression) Oh no no no, we couldntwe couldnt! No. It was impossible then. And anyway, as the song goes, I was gone with the draft. We were separated for years. I didnt even know what had happened in my own hometown. That was very scary. BRENDA: Well did you two get back together after the war, at least? ROLLO: No. It was all so much like Romeo and Juliet. Everyone thought I was dead, all that time. They didnt wait for me. And their family never did like mine, anyhow. They fled the country, they were living in Padua. So, you see, Romeo and Juliet has always been my tragedy. But you know, the odd thing about today is, as far as I know, Madame Mooch knows nothing about me or my story. None of the coincidencesnot even my name. BRENDA: Ah, yesRolloRomeo. (Shakes her head) All this is quite extraordinary. You, with a name almost like Romeo, and (Gesturing to JULIE, who gets the idea what shes going to say and shoots BRENDA a Shut up! look) ummm, with the drama itself being put on today, about an hour from now, downtown. (To JULIE because she know JULIE will love it) You should go, Jul (JULIE again shoots her Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 4

a warning look, maybe pinches BRENDA) Juliet is being played by one of my friends. Its gonna be amazing. JULIE: Hmm, maybe I will go. ROLLO: Ill go; I never miss a chance to attend a performance of Romeo and Juliet. And theres something mystical in the air today. A bit of magic is about to happen: Cant you feel it? Who knows? If Im going to have a second chance, and find my new Juliet again, where else better to begin my search? (BRENDA has fliers for the show in her bag; she now gives them to ROLLO and JULIE) BRENDA: The theaters right near the train station, and it starts in an hour. Id go myself, but Ive got an evening performance. JULIE: (Looking down at her flier) Swell. BRENDA: (Quietly, just to JULIE) Youve gotta tell me how you like it, OK? Heres my card, keep in touch. Hey, lets have lunch tomorrow, you can tell me all about it. JULIE: (With a brighter smile) You got it, Brenda. (To ROLLO) Well, maybe Ill see you at the theater, Rollo. It was nice meeting you. ROLLO: It was a pleasure, Miss (His intonation suggests that he wants to know her last name) JULIE: Oh, youre right! (Intentionally misunderstanding ROLLOs meaning) We dont want to miss the show. (Rapidly) Better get going! Bye! (Picks up her stuff and leaves in a hurry. ROLLO is a little stunned at being dismissed like this, but he recovers his poise) ROLLO: Quite right, quite right. Time is moving on. Well, Brenda, thank you for the tip, its been a pleasure talking with you. With both of youI hope the other young lady wasnt upset by something I said. BRENDA: I think its just that she was disoriented by the fortunetellers prediction, thats all. You were quite the gentleman, and I wish you good luck in your quest for love. May I give you my card? Id be glad to keep in touch. (Offers her card; ROLLO takes it with gratitude) ROLLO: Im sorry I dont have a card to give you! Im not usually a very social person; I dont have a lot of contacts...or friends. BRENDA: Thats funny. It seems like I keep making new friends today. ROLLO: (Pleased) Yes, today. But its unusual for me. (Offering hand; they shake hands) Thank you. Ill be glad to keep in touch too. And now Id better get off to the theater to brush up on Shakespeare. BRENDA: Ill see you later, Rollo, and Im glad we met. Enjoy the show. ROLLO: Take care. (Exits.) BRENDA: (Smiles to herself, putting the Romeo and Juliet fliers away. She looks at her watch, impatiently. To herself) Where on earth is Heather? She was supposed to be back here 15 minutes ago. (Waits a bit longer) This is so stupid... can I go now? I dont even believe in fortune telling in the first place. Its all a bunch of trickery and superstition. I can hardly even respect people who believe in it. And anyhow, Ive got a show tonight! I cant wait any longer. If I miss the show, I wont get paid, and I wont have enough money for rent this month. (HEATHER appears from the curtained area) HEATHER: (Rushes in UC towards BRENDA, from curtains) You'll never guess who she said I was in one of my past lives. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 5

BRENDA: (Shes quite startled, as she didnt see HEATHER come in before) Land sakes! You scared me, Heather. What a weird day. HEATHER: Sorry, you were talking to somebody when I came in, and it was my turn...anyway, who do you think Madame Mooch said I was in a past life? BRENDA: Let's see. Cleopatra? HEATHER: How did you know? BRENDA: Psychics always say women were Cleopatra... For some reason, everyone wants to be her. Personally, I'd rather have been someone longer lived. What a way to go. Snake bite to the breast. Ouch. HEATHER: You don't think it's true? BRENDA: Heather, these people arent for real. Don't you read the disclaimers? (Holds up brochure) For entertainment purposes only. HEATHER: She seems so real... so convincing... MOOCH: (Enters from curtained area) Oh, sorry. I didn't know anyone was still here. BRENDA: Yeah, she's real perceptive. MOOCH: (Ties up curtains so audience can now see a table with a crystal ball on top and two chairs) Does your friend want a reading? HEATHER: Yes! BRENDA: No! HEATHER: Come on, Brenda. I'll pay for it. BRENDA: Don't waste your money. HEATHER: It's just for fun. You said it yourself: for entertainment purposes only. What do you have to fear? BRENDA: Fear itself? MOOCH: Come, come. I won't bite. BRENDA: Yeah, but I might. HEATHER: There, I paid for it. (Gives MOOCH money) MOOCH: (Holds bill up to light) I feel my power returning to me. BRENDA: The power of the U.S. Mint. HEATHER: Go on. BRENDA (Goes UC): Fine, let's get this over with. MOOCH (Starts to close curtain): The spirits come to me. BRENDA: Leave the curtain open. I want witnesses. HEATHER: You sure you want me to watch? It gets kind of private. (Sits in a nearby waiting room chair) BRENDA: Private? Then I definitely want you to watch. (Sits in chair by crystal ball) MOOCH: (Sits in other chair) So, what do you want to know? Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 6

BRENDA: The quickest way out of here. HEATHER: Don't be difficult, Brenda. Try to have fun with it. BRENDA: Fine. What are this week's winning lottery numbers? I really need the money. MOOCH: 3-5-9-20-25-49 and the Powerball is... (Draws card from Tarot deck) 7. BRENDA: Pretty specific. HEATHER: (Grabs the brochure from BRENDA and writes the numbers down) Why didn't I think to ask that? BRENDA: What else do you see in the cards? MOOCH: (Draws more cards) I see your past and your future. BRENDA: Let me guess. I was Cleopatra, too. How is it possible for so many people to be Cleopatra? I know... maybe she had a split personality. MOOCH: I'm afraid in your past you were nobody famous. BRENDA: (Surprisingly disappointed) Nobody? Ever? MOOCH: Never ever. BRENDA: What about my future? MOOCH: You will be famous, one day. BRENDA: Now or in a future life? MOOCH: Would you like to be famous in this life? BRENDA: What do you mean? MOOCH: In everyones life cycles, they are allowed one time to be famous. BRENDA: Only once, huh? (Amused. Smiles at HEATHER) MOOCH: Do you wish it to be this one? BRENDA: (Laughs) Sure, why not? MOOCH: (Her voice booms) Then so be it! (A big boom, like thunder, is heard. The lights flicker and go out. When the lights come on again MOOCH is gone) BRENDA: That was weird. HEATHER: (Rushes to BRENDA and looks around table) Whered she go? BRENDA: Behind the curtain, no doubt. HEATHER: (Checks curtain) Its solid wall behind here. BRENDA: Then through a trap door. It doesn't matter. Let's go. (Weirded out, they head out the front door) (The next sequence happens in front of the curtains, as if on the street) HEATHER: You have to admit. That was pretty spooky. BRENDA: And completely fake. (Mimics MOOCH) You can only be famous once in your life cycles. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 7

(Laughs) What a fraud. She's not even a good fake psychic. JOAN: (Enters from the side of the stage, going the opposite way on the street) Oh, hey! Arent you that actress? BRENDA: Who? Me? JOAN: Yeah, the one in the play downtown. What's it called? A Brush with Destiny. That's it. HEATHER: Did you see her? JOAN: Yeah, you were incredible. BRENDA: (Shrugs) Thanks. JOAN: Did you see the review in today's paper? (Holds up paper) HEATHER: You got a review? (Takes paper and looks) BRENDA: That reviewer is an idiot. He wouldn't know a play if a stage fell on him. HEATHER: Oh, my gosh. This review is really good. BRENDA: You're kidding. He never likes anything. JOAN: He sure liked you. HEATHER (Reads): Brenda Star lives up to her name. Her radiant talent brightens this otherwise ordinary play. BRENDA: Let me see that. (Takes paper) This is so great! My agent will go nuts. JOAN: Maybe I better get your autograph. Sounds like you're going to make it big. HEATHER: (Pulls out pen and hands it to BRENDA) Here. BRENDA: (Laughs and signs newspaper) There you go. JOAN: Thanks. Well, Ill keep my eyes open for your next play, Brenda. Im your biggest fan...except for that reviewer, I guess. See you later. (Exits) HEATHER: Wed better go get a copy of the paper so you can show your agent. BRENDA: Wait a minute. This smells like a set up. HEATHER: What do you mean? BRENDA: Wasn't that awfully good timing? She says I'm going to be famous and then this person comes in here and acts like I'm some new star. HEATHER: But how could she fake that newspaper review? BRENDA: (Scowls) Good point. HEATHER: So do you think there might be something to this psychic thing? BRENDA: It's a coincidence. That's all. (Cell phone rings) Hello? Hi, Gina. (To HEATHER) It's my agent. HEATHER: I'll bet she saw the review. BRENDA: Yeah, I read it. (Pause) Very good. (Shocked) What? (Pause) No way. HEATHER: What is it? What? Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 8

BRENDA: (Waves away HEATHER) Shhhh. (To phone) Sorry, my friend is talking to me. (Pause) Yes, let's do it. (Looks around) I hate to admit this, but I'm at some psychic reading place. (Picks up brochure) Madame Mooch... (Pause) You know her. (To HEATHER) Gina's been here. (Pause) Sure, I'll wait for you here. (Hangs up phone) You won't believe this. HEATHER: Probably not, but tell me anyway. BRENDA: Somebody is filming a movie in town and they saw my show last night. They want me to be in their movie. HEATHER: You're kidding. BRENDA: Gina said there are some big stars in it too. One of them had a scheduling conflict and can't come. Gina's bringing the casting director over to see me now. They need somebody immediately and want me to do it. HEATHER: You'll be famous! BRENDA: Heather, this could be the lucky break Ive been hoping for! The job that will finally allow me to eat three meals a day...and get a new pair of shoes. (Stops) But wait. This is too easy. This can't be happening. Where is that Madame Money? HEATHER: Mooch. BRENDA: Whatever. (Returning to MOOCHs door, knocking on it) Come out, Madame! I want a word with you. HEATHER: Why are you upset? This is wonderful. BRENDA: I know how these stories go. Remember that story The Monkey's Paw? At first, everything is great. You get everything you wish for, then the bottom drops out. HEATHER: You are such a wet blanket. Can't you have a little fun? BRENDA: Fun is for people who are too stupid to prepare for the impending disaster. HEATHER: I give up. Fine, don't enjoy your instant success. I'm going home. BRENDA: Don't be mad, Heather. I'm sorry. I have to admit there might be something beyond my comprehension going on here. HEATHER: See! Isn't this stuff amazing? BRENDA: Or extremely well contrived. (Calls out) Madame Mooch. I need a word with you. HEATHER: I wonder why she isn't reappearing. BRENDA: (Pulls out money) I'm not speaking her language. (Waves bill; coaxingly) I have something green for you. . . ! MOOCH (Opens her door and leans out): I sense that you require my services. BRENDA: (Smiles at HEATHER, then looks at MOOCH) I need some information. MOOCH: Information is my middle name, though my abilities have been weakened by all the recent activity. BRENDA: (Hands her a bill) There. Feeling better? MOOCH: A bit better, yes. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 9

BRENDA: Good. MOOCH: I sense your friend here wants to go. BRENDA: Do you? HEATHER: (Looks at watch) Oh, my gosh. I have reservations for five minutes ago. (Waves good-bye) Thank you, Madame Mooch. Bye Brenda. (HEATHER goes off down the street) BRENDA: That was my money. How come she got a reading? MOOCH: She paid for you. You paid for her. BRENDA: Now for my question... MOOCH: My power is fading. BRENDA: (Hands her another bill) Feel better? MOOCH: (Stuffs bill in shirt) Ask your question. BRENDA: How can Madame Mooch cook up such an elaborate scam? MOOCH: Madame Mooch didn't scam you. You want to be famous, so you will be famous. BRENDA: What if I've changed my mind? MOOCH: It is your destiny now. Don't fight it. Fighting it will only bring doom upon you. BRENDA: Doom. That's certainly what I'm expecting from all this. Every silver lining has a cloud. MOOCH: I predict that your bad fortune is over. BRENDA: I hope you're right. MOOCH: Unless... BRENDA: There's always an unless... Okay, give me the bad news. MOOCH: I must consult the cards. (Goes to her table) BRENDA: That's probably going to cost me. (Goes to table and sits opposite MOOCH) MOOCH: (Lays out some cards) The meaning of these cards escapes me... BRENDA: (BRENDA sighs and gives her more money) Im telling you now, though...I cant afford any more mysteries. Im out of money, and I dont have time anyway. So tell me what the cards mean. Please. MOOCH: Ah, yes. I see now. Beware the one armed bandit. BRENDA: You mean slot machines? That's easy. I hate gambling. Ever since that time my boyfriend got kidnapped by a trucker at Sky City Casino, I've refused to go back to one. MOOCH: (Rises) Beware. Beware the one armed bandit. BRENDA: Yeah, yeah. You said that already. (MOOCH starts to go) Wait. I have more questions. MOOCH: No time. You have visitors. (Goes back into her building as GINA and BARRY enter front door) BRENDA: How did she know that? GINA: Hey, Brenda. How's my big star? (GINA and BRENDA do a fake kiss on the cheek) BRENDA: Still in wonder... Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 10

GINA: I want you to meet someone. (Drags over BARRY) This is Barry Bandito. He's the casting director for the movie I told you about. (Reaches out her hand to shake. BARRY lifts his left arm and takes her hand and kisses it. BARRYs right arm is in a sling) BRENDA: Bandito? Oh... (Looks where MOOCH went) Uh... hi... GINA: Brenda, whats wrong with you? I thought you'd be more excited. This is a big opportunity. BRENDA: Sorry, this has all been very sudden. GINA: Brenda is new to the theatre scene. BARRY: She's a natural. She appears to have years of experience. GINA: So will she work, Barry? (To BRENDA) He wanted to meet you before he decided on anything. BARRY: I'd like to interview you a bit first. BRENDA: Yes, I have a few questions also. GINA: We can sit over here. (BARRY heads for a little table on the street with chairs around it, probably for a nearby cafe; GINA says to BRENDA quietly) What is your problem? Get excited. BRENDA: (Aside to GINA) I have a bad feeling about this guy. GINA: Brenda... shush... (They go sit near BARRY) BARRY: Would you like to go first or shall I? BRENDA: I'll go first. GINA: Barry is on a tight schedule. Maybe you ought to let him... BARRY: No, I like a woman of action. Go ahead, Brenda. BRENDA: I'm going to be frank... GINA: (Trying to warn) Brenda... ixnay on the... BRENDA: Why would a big studio want a little small time nobody like me? BARRY: You have the look... BRENDA: (Skeptically) The look? GINA: (She says excitedly to BRENDA as if understanding BARRY perfectly) You know, the look. BRENDA: Perhaps you could explain the look to me a bit more? BARRY: You have that natural spark that will light up the screen... GINA: She does have a spark, doesn't she? BARRY: (Sits over by BRENDA) You are very attractive. I could take you far. BRENDA: (Scoots away) I'd rather you didn't take me anywhere. GINA: (Shocked at BRENDA) Brenda! (Tries to laugh it off) Shes so funny, isn't she? BARRY: I don't need a comedian. (Moves a little closer and tries to put her hand on her leg) I need someone who takes direction well. BRENDA: (Stands and moves away) Depends on the director. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 11

BARRY: (To GINA) I thought you said she really wanted this part. GINA: She told me she did. BRENDA: How big of a part is this? BARRY: That depends on you. BRENDA: What does that mean? GINA: (A bit deflated) Wait. I thought you said this was a big part. BARRY: So far, today, I'm not seeing what I want... (Gets up) Maybe this was a mistake... GINA: (Jumps up to stop him) No, wait. I don't understand. I thought we had an agreement. BARRY: Sorry, I can already tell it's not going to work out. (Starts to exit) GINA: But... (Starts after him) Wait... BRENDA: Let him go, Gina. (BARRY shakes his head at them and exits) GINA: What was that all about? BRENDA: That guy totally gave me the creeps. GINA: I know, he seemed pretty shifty. BRENDA: Shifty? Gina, Im not sure if he was even working for a movie studio! He just wanted sex. GINA: . . . I guess I have to admit it, youre probably right. Acting wasnt his priority. Likely enough, it wouldnt have helped your career, and maybe you would have been in big trouble! BRENDA: I think I can make it as an actress without relying on the casting couch. GINA: I know you can. Youre really good. I guess...I guess I just wanted to believe that one of my friends and clients had a chance to be really successful, and super fast, easily. BRENDA: Well, yeah. Luck happens sometimes, but mostly we have to work for what we get. Thanks for not insisting on it, Gina. That guy was no good. GINA: Im sorry, Brenda, that was my fault. Im proud of you for sticking to your guns. You did the smart thing. I did a stupid thing, but I wont let that happen to us again. You know what? Im going to contact the guy who told me about this opportunity and complain. BRENDA: Thank you for trying to help me, Gina. Things will work out in the end, we can stick together and really earn that success. GINA: Youre right. Well, sorry again, and Im glad youre all right. You take care, Ill see you soon and let you know how it goes. BRENDA: (GINA exits.) Bye Gina. (To herself) Wow, Madame Mooch. You sure were right about this one. HEATHER (Returns from same direction GINA just exited): Wow, Gina sure didn't look happy. What happened? BRENDA: I just blew my chance at fame and fortune. HEATHER: (Sitting on chair next to BRENDA, facing stage right) Whyd you do that? BRENDA: Forget it. What are you doing back here? Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 12

HEATHER: Dan called and canceled our dinner date, so went I bought a lottery ticket. I used Madame Mooch's numbers. BRENDA: That was a waste of a dollar. HEATHER: It was worth a try. Theyll announce the winning numbers on the radio pretty soon. (HEATHER looks up, down the street) Oh hey, look, wasnt she in the psychic reading parlor with you? (JULIE, riding on a bicycle, rides over from stage right, dressed for the theater, holding a handbag in her basket) JULIE: (A little out of breath) Well, hello again! (BRENDA turns in her chair to see JULIE) I decided to go back home to change before going to the theater. (Points at her bicycles basket) I brought my copy of the script with me. BRENDA: (Now turning completely around and standing to see JULIE properly) Hi, Julie. You look great! JULIE: (Getting off the bike) Why, thank you. (Modeling her dress a little bit) I like to dress up for the theater. BRENDA: Id go with you if I could. Julie, this is my friend Heather Timian. Heather, this is Julie Brogis. HEATHER: Hi Julie, good to meet you. Youre a little early for Brendas show tonight, though. JULIE: Oh, I saw that last night. I figure Id rather just get to know Brenda herself rather than see that play again, personally. HEATHER: Wise plan. That play kills brain cells in lab animals. (HEATHER and JULIE nod in agreement) JULIE: Yeah. Im going to see Romeo and Juliet instead. I think I left my book inside there, so I thought Id pick it up on the way to the theater. BRENDA: I hope its still open. (Walks to MOOCHs door; it opens easily) It is, come on, Julie. (As all three characters step to the door, the curtains part to reveal the parlor set from before) (JULIE looks around for her book; the others just look around) BRENDA: I wonder where Madame Mooch is. Is there an upstairs here or something? HEATHER: I dunno. (She spies a book on the little table between two chairs and holds it up) Is this it, Julie? JULIE: (With a little squeal of pleasure) Yes! Thank goodness, I love this book; Ive had it since I was a kid. (Trots over to get the book from HEATHER; she gives the book a hug, smiling) Oh its good to see you again! (The door opens and ROLLO enters, removing his Homburg hat; he has changed clothes a little) ROLLO: Im glad to see you again, as well. (The others laugh a little awkwardly; JULIE puts the book into her handbag, nervously) Im sorry, I guess you werent talking to me, but I was hoping to see you again anyway. Brenda, I was walking towards the theater and saw you enter this building, so I wanted to see if I could find your young friend. I have something I should say to her. And here she is. (To JULIE) Forgive me, please. I didnt learn your name before, but I wanted to apologize. I am afraid I made you feel uncomfortable before, though I didnt mean to. (JULIE is silent, uncomfortable) I am very sorry if I caused you any discomfort. JULIE: (Awkwardly) You didnt do anything wrong, Mr Hanff, not really. I was just sort of spooked because of what Madame Mooch said in my fortune. ROLLO: Thank you. (Little bow) I was afraid you thought something was wrong with me because I came Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 13

out quoting Romeo. Thats embarrassing...It was only because the psychic had told me I was Romeo in an earlier life, and that gave me hope. Its a good feeling. JULIE: I know. It was just unexpected...because she told ME that I had once been Juliet. It just it was a shock. I thought it was too much of a coincidence...and because it felt like you were talking to me! ROLLO: Well, no wonder you felt it was strange! But talking to you? No, no, young person, I already have a Juliet in my life, and she is quite enough for me, I promise. Even though I have lost her, she is enough for me. BRENDA: Well, if you think about it, its not such a coincidence as it seems. After all, Madame Mooch was the one who told both of you about this earlier life nonsense. She must have wanted to pair you two together, I guess. JULIE: Thats pretty sneaky of her. Hmf! It makes me a little mad, really. I dont want her randomly matching me to someone else randomly, even if its just for entertainment value. ROLLO: Well, I did tell her I was lonely. She just told me what she thought I wanted to hear. BRENDA: And anyway, she probably uses Romeo and Juliet and Cleopatra, and names like that, all the time, saying people used to be them years ago. JULIE: Yes, you know, I bet youre right. But Rollo, thats not the only reason it seemed you were talking to me. ROLLO: (Curious) Really? Tell me more, please. JULIE: (Preparing her courage to admit the truth) My father sometimes calls me Juliet. Thats because... (Swallows nervously, then telling Rollo directly) My real name is Julie. I should have just told you before; I was just a little scared. I didnt want you to know my name. ROLLO: Remarkable. Why were you scared, Julie? JULIE: Oh, it was just that I felt like youd interpret it as a magical sign...as if I was the Juliet you have been looking for all those years. ROLLO: (Amused and surprised and a little embarrassed) Oh my, my young friend, you dont have to worry. I know very well who MY Juliet is, or was. (Laughing) I still think it was some sort of star-crossed meeting, though, the Non-Tragical Historie of Rollo and Julie... BRENDA: Rolio and Jumiet... JULIE: Julio and Rolaids... (All laugh) BRENDA: A pox on all these ridiculous houses! JULIE: Stop, stop, Ill be laughing at the actors all evening, theyll throw me out of the theater! ROLLO: OK, sorry, Ill bite my tongue. JULIE: Do you bite your tongue at us, sir? (All laugh again) HEATHER: (She is neither a reader nor a fan of the theater, and therefore feels a little left out) Let's go, okay? I know it was my idea to come here at first, but by now, its starting to bother me, sort of a bad feeling here, I think. JULIE: Right. Weve got to get to the theater in a hurry, we dont want to miss the blood feud. ROLLO: Indeed not. (To JULIE:) Shall we go together? As friends? Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 14

JULIE: (Thinks first) Why not? (They are about to leave together, when suddenly ROLLO gets an idea.) ROLLO: Madame Mooch, if you can hear us, thank you for introducing all of us to each other! (All listen; there is no reply from MOOCH) Oh well, it was worth a try. Until next time, Heather...Brenda. HEATHER: Enjoy the show. BRENDA: Julie, give me a call later, see you tomorrow! JULIE: Absolutely. Adieu. (ROLLO holds the door open for JULIE and they exit) BRENDA: (As they look around to make sure they have all their things before leaving) Well, its good those two could talk about it and feel better about things. (A happy sigh) Thats a nice couple of people there. Well read, witty, friendly, smart...and they love Shakespeare. HEATHER: (A little bitterly; she chooses her words carefully) Yes. It must be so nice to finally meet some people who have so much in common with you. Of course, people who can quote Shakespeare in public are obviously much better people than illiterates like me. Im sure you three will be really close now. Dont worry, Brenda, I wont embarrass you by going out with you intellectuals. BRENDA: Aw Heather! (Takes HEATHERs hand and leads her to sit down with her) Youre right, we do have a lot in common, and I think its likely we could become good friends, in time. But look, weve known each other since high school, youre like a sister to me. Youre someone Ive always been able to count on, every time I needed you, youve been there, through every crisis. And I always want to be there for you, too. I dont want you to stop being a part of my life. Not now, and not ever. Please, Im not going to abandon you, Heather. Trust me, would you? Youre still the best. HEATHER: I dont feel Im good enough quality for you. You dont want to throw me away, now that you have such brainy new friends? You can if you want, I just want you to have whats best for you. BRENDA: I dont want to throw you away. Being a reader is good, but I think youre terrific. Ill keep you, if you dont mind. HEATHER: (Crying a little bit, hugging BRENDA) Okay. BRENDA: And one more thing, Heather Timian....when you take the letters of Heather T., you can rearrange them to spell THEATER. And thats enough for me, kiddo. (Taking her hand) Come on, lets go, Ive gotta get myself ready for tonights show. (They stand up and walk towards the door, but before they can open it, JOE enters) JOE: I can't wait any longer. (He's nervous. He blocks their exit) Wheres Madame Mooch? BRENDA: In her secret room, laughing at us, no doubt. (Tries to go) Can we get by, please? JOE: (Won't move from doorway) I want to see Mooch now! BRENDA: All you have to do is wave a few dollars around. She'll appear. JOE: Maybe if I wave this instead... (Pulls out gun) HEATHER: He's got a gun! BRENDA: Hey, now buddy. We don't want any trouble. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 15

JOE: Well, that's what you're going to get unless I see Mooch. BRENDA: My guess is that she's heading out the back door as we speak. JOE: Afraid not. I blocked her back door with my car. BRENDA: I don't know what your problem with her is, but it has nothing to do with us. So if we could just go... JOE: You're witnesses now. You stay. HEATHER: Witnesses? JOE: To a crime. BRENDA: You know what? No crime has been committed. As far as I can tell, you have a permit for that gun. No crime. No problem. Let's go, Heather. JOE: Both of you sit down now! (BRENDA and HEATHER find chairs and sit) Come out here, Mooch, before I start shooting into those rice paper walls of yours. Theres no telling what I'll hit. MOOCH: (Suddenly putting her head through the curtains, trying to sound casual) Hello, Joe. What do you want? BRENDA: Oh, great. Now we know his name. So much for not being a witness. JOE: I want my life back, Mooch. The one you stole from me. HEATHER: She stole your life? JOE: She told my wife that I was sleeping around and then my wife left me. MOOCH: (Coming out from the curtained area, surprised but not willing to take responsibility for JOEs bad luck) I can not hide the truth. JOE: But that wasn't the truth. I've been faithful to my wife. MOOCH: Have you? JOE: I've never slept with anyone else since I married her. MOOCH: What about Megan? JOE: Megan? You mean my old girlfriend? MOOCH: Did you sleep with her? JOE: Not since I've been married. MOOCH: Oh, dear. I guess my visions got crossed. JOE: Oh, dear?! Is that all you can say?! You ruined my life and you just say, Oh, dear. BRENDA: I can't believe your wife would leave you based on something some two-bit psychic would say. MOOCH: How dare you call me a... JOE: Shut up, Mooch. (To BRENDA) She had some help. After Mooch told my wife about Megan, my wife paid Megan a visit. Megan never got over our breakup so she has some hard feelings. So Megan told my wife that Mooch was right. HEATHER: That's not good. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 16

BRENDA: So between Mooch here and Megan, your wife was sure you were lying. JOE: (Holds gun up to MOOCH's head) So psychic lady, can you see what's in your future? MOOCH: Sorry, I can't predict the future for myself. JOE: Well, let me give you some help. (Pulls trigger. Click. No bullets. MOOCH faints. HEATHER screams) Whered I put my gun clip? BRENDA: Run, Heather! (BRENDA pulls HEATHER toward door) HEATHER: What about Mooch? BRENDA: We'll call the cops. JOE: (Finds clip and puts it in gun. Points it at them just as they get to the door) Hold it! (BRENDA and HEATHER freeze) Turn around and come back slowly. HEATHER: We're gonna die. JOE: Quit blubbering and sit down. HEATHER: Are you going to kill us? JOE: No, I don't want to kill anyone. BRENDA: It looked like you wanted to kill Mooch. JOE: I only wanted to scare her. BRENDA: (Goes to fallen MOOCH) I think you succeeded. Can we go now? JOE: I was hoping it would be enough. But still, I don't feel like... HEATHER: (Sees flashing lights out window) I think we have a problem. JOE: Who called the cops? BRENDA: We didn't. JOE: Mooch must have called them before she came out. Now what do I do? BRENDA: Surrender. You haven't really done anything... yet. MOOCH: (Wakes up) Am I still alive or has someone summoned my spirit? JOE: Unfortunately you're still among the living. Now get up before that changes. (BRENDA and HEATHER help MOOCH up) MOOCH: I see the police have arrived. JOE: No thanks to you. MOOCH: I saw danger in my future, so I took the liberty of calling them. HEATHER: Isn't she amazing? JOE: Perhaps you can see a way out of this for me. BRENDA: Give yourself up. It's the only way. HEATHER:(Looks to window) Now I think there's a news crew. MOOCH: Oh, think of all the publicity. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 17

JOE: I have to know what's going on out there. Turn on your TV, Mooch. (MOOCH goes to TV and turns it on) REPORTER (Voice): We're live outside Madame Moose's shop... MOOCH: Mooch, not Moose. JOE: I think I like Moose better. REPORTER (Voice): The police say the suspect is armed and dangerous. JOE: That doesn't sound good. (Irritated, he turns the TV off) HEATHER: Oh, the news! That reminds me, (Checks watch) its time for my radio station to announce todays lottery winners. BRENDA: (To HEATHER) Oh, Heather, for Petes sake, not now! (To JOE) Maybe if you tell them your story then they'll go easy on you. JOE: That might give me some satisfaction being able to tell the news what a big fraud she is. MOOCH: Can't you shoot me in the foot and run? That would be much better for business. (HEATHER finds MOOCHs radio and turns it on; the LOTTO VOICE can be heard softly introducing the number announcement) JOE: How about I shoot you in the foot AND talk to the reporter? HEATHER: Shhh. Wait. Theyre announcing the winning lottery numbers! BRENDA: Heather. Can't that wait? LOTTO VOICE: The first winning number today is... THREE! HEATHER: Three! I've got a three. BRENDA: Heather... please... not... LOTTO VOICE: (Continuing): The next number is... a five. HEATHER: Got a five! BRENDA: Heather... LOTTO VOICE: Next...a nine! HEATHER: Nine! We've got three numbers. JOE: You've got to be kidding. LOTTO VOICE: How are you doing so far? OK folks, next, wait, yes, its a twenty! HEATHER: Twenty! We're winning! LOTTO VOICE: And now, whats this? its a TWENTY-FIVE, Twenty-five, next winning number. BRENDA: (Getting into it) Twenty-five. We have twenty-five. HEATHER: 49! 49! Come on, 49! LOTTO VOICE: And the last number for today is... (They are very excited; MOOCH calls out with excitement as the LOTTO VOICE announces this number, making it inaudible) it looks like its... Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 18

BRENDA: (Overlapping the LOTTO VOICE; She cant hear the voice well) Shh! Shhh! SHHHH!! LOTTO VOICE: THIRTY-NINE! HEATHER: (Nearly panicking) What?! What did they say?? I couldnt hear the number!! JOE: (Also shouting) You got it! It was 49! I heard it! (HEATHER and BRENDA SCREAM with excitement, still listening...) LOTTO VOICE: And the Powerball is... HEATHER AND BRENDA TOGETHER: (Chanting) Seven! Seven! Seven! Seven! LOTTO VOICE: Seven! (HEATHER and BRENDA jump up and down, thrilled, squealing. The OTHERS watch in a amazement and excitement as well) Congratulations to the lucky winner, whoever you are. HEATHER: (Clicks off the radio) We won! MOOCH: I told you so. BRENDA: We won! We won! (Dances around with HEATHER and JOE. HEATHER and BRENDA are still jumping up and down. JOE looks at his gun. Looks at them. MOOCH stops them and points to JOE) JOE (Casually): So...how much did you win? BRENDA (Suddenly not trusting JOE): Not much. HEATHER (Still excited): Only 95 million. JOE: 95 million! Dollars? MOOCH: No, Powerballs. JOE: Shut up! (To HEATHER and BRENDA) This changes everything. (Points gun and holds out hand) Hand over the ticket. (JOE is distracted so MOOCH sneaks around behind him) BRENDA: Easy come... easy go. HEATHER: No... BRENDA: No, what? HEATHER: No, I'm not giving him our ticket. This is our ticket. BRENDA: Heather, this is no time to get a backbone. HEATHER: But we won it. Its ours. BRENDA: (Shrugs and smiles sheepishly at JOE) It's amazing what a few million can do to a person. JOE: Hand it over, or Ill take it off your dead body. MOOCH: (Picks up crystal ball and moves behind JOE) Oh, Joe! (JOE turns and MOOCH smashes it on his head) He didn't see that coming. (JOE falls to the ground and passes out) So what do you girls say to sharing that ticket? HEATHER: Sure! I think I could spare a million or two. BRENDA: It's the least we could do. I assume there's a we in this deal? Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 19

HEATHER: Of course, I wouldn't have bought this without you. BRENDA: I have to ask you, Mooch, are you always picking winning numbers? MOOCH: Never. I got lucky this time. BRENDA: Incredible. MOOCH: If I knew the lottery numbers for sure, dont you think I would have bought that ticket myself? HEATHER: Good point. I know I would. BRENDA: So it was really just luck, not spirits? MOOCH: Right. Lucky guesses and a bit of modern technology: hidden cameras. For entertainment purposes, of course. HEATHER: Naturally. Well, I was well entertained. Even if it was all a trick. MOOCH: I feel bad about that, really. It really was my fault Joe got so upset and dangerous...I knew at the time it was a mistake to tell Joes wife Joe was cheating on him. I dont know what made me say that. I mean, it was his ex-girlfriend who told me that in the first place, but I didnt have any right to tell the wife about that. I just made trouble for Joe and for myself. Now theyll probably get a divorce, and its my fault. I dont deserve to get any of that lottery money, girls. You should keep it all for yourselves. BRENDA: Wow. Are you sure, Madame Mooch? MOOCH: Can I tell you girls a secret? (The girls nod at her) My name isnt really Mooch, and I come from New Jersey. (She drops her phony European accent) My names Stacey Rogers. HEATHER: No kidding! (Shakes her head in amazement) Could have fooled me. BRENDA: She DID fool you. AND me. MOOCH: Im sorry for tricking you...and I am glad you won. Ill have to apologize to Joe and his wife later on. I dont know if they will forgive me, but maybe now they wont break up. And I wont be a trouble maker any more. (JOE groans in pain, still unconscious) But for the moment, hes still going to be angry and dangerous. HEATHER: I think we better go get the police before Joe wakes up. MOOCH: I'll get them. Keep an eye on him. (Runs out door) BRENDA: What a story. Those reporters will be all over us. HEATHER: We'll be famous! (They laugh together. Music louder and up as the noise of reporters and sirens grows; the women walk to the door to meet them. Black out.) Act II Scene 1 Time and Place: The following Monday morning. The lobby/main hallway of the Lottery Office, possibly a government office. Posters for the lottery are displayed on some walls. Marble walls and floors. A sort of information booth with two windows for service; uniformed workers are seated facing the audience on stools. The sign says Information. BRENDA and HEATHER, excited and a bit awed by the grandeur of the building, come through the hall, Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 20

looking at signs for the information booth. BRENDA: Do you have the ticket? HEATHER: Yes, I have it right here? BRENDA: ...Do you have your drivers license? HEATHER: Yes, yes, its here. BRENDA: Do you have a receipt for the lottery ticket? HEATHER: Do I need that?! BRENDA: I dont know, do you have it? HEATHER: Let me see... (Looks through purse; after a moment) Yes! Here it is. BRENDA: Good. Here we are. Lets take a picture. Just before the Great Moment. HEATHER: Yes! Im so excited! (BRENDA has brought out a digital camera and now they take a picture of themselves, camera at arms length, arms around each other) Let me see... (BRENDA shows HEATHER the photo she just took) Awesome, lets go. (They march up to the information booth arm in arm) BRENDA: Good morning! TELLER: Good morning, maam, how can I help you today? HEATHER: Were here about the lottery. TELLER: I thought so, Maam; this is the Lottery Office. Do you have a complaint today? HEATHER: No, no, not at all. I have the winning ticket! BRENDA: We matched all the numbers...even the Powerball! TELLER: What, both of you? HEATHER: Well, I bought the winning ticket, but my friend helped to pick the numbers. TELLER: I see. (To HEATHER) Well, Maam, may I have your name? HEATHER: Yes! Im Heather Roberta Timian, born August 8, 19... TELLER: May I see your photo ID? HEATHER: Yes! Ive got it here...(Fumbles in her purse; she drops it and all sorts of things fall out, including receipts and lipstick and coins) Oh, bother! (Scurries to pick things up; passes the drivers license to BRENDA, who gives it to the tellers, and finishes putting things away.) Ive got the receipt I got when I bought the lottery ticket right here, too? TELLER: That wont be necessary, Maam. (HEATHER looks at BRENDA a bit annoyedly) Well, these are quite in order. Thank you. Of course, there will be forms and paperwork to do, Ms. Timian, but first, I need to see the ticket and verify that its the correct one. HEATHER: Well, naturally, thats the moment Ive been waiting for. I can read you my numbers first to make sure... TELLER: Very well, please go ahead. BRENDA: Can we . . .take turns? Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 21

TELLER: If you wish. HEATHER: Three! TELLER: Three, yes. BRENDA: Five. TELLER: Five, check. Please continue. HEATHER: Nine! TELLER: Nine, good. BRENDA: Twenty. TELLER: Twenty, thats right. HEATHER: Twenty-five! TELLER: Twenty-five. Yes. BRENDA: Forty-Nine! TELLER: No, thirty-nine. BRENDA & HEATHER: WHAT?!?!? TELLER: The number is 39, not 49. HEATHER: Wait, are you sure? Check it again, please. TELLER: (Looking again carefully...) Verified: thirty-nine is the winning number, not forty-nine. Check. HEATHER: How can that be?? BRENDA: Oh, no!! (They sadly move away from the information window; the TELLER shrugs) HEATHER: Aw geez, Ive got it! Remember Mooch started shouting and we couldnt hear the radio? BRENDA: (Remembering) And we asked what the number was and JOE! Joe said it was 49! HEATHER: For Petes sake! I hate that guy! He ought to be thrown in jail! BRENDA: Well, good news, he was thrown in jail. All that stuff about going into Moochs with a gun and threatening to kill people? The police dont like that sort of thing. HEATHER: Im going to go to jail and beat him up, the jerk!! BRENDA: (Grabs the ticket and runs back to the information window, holding it up, desperately) Our Powerball number is seven! TELLER: Im sorry, Maam, that doesnt do you any good unless you have that thirty-nine. BRENDA: (Shouting in outrage) Aw, come on!! Give me a break! TELLER: Im sorry, Maam, theres nothing we can do for you. And if you keep shouting, Ill have to call security. (BRENDA slumps down in defeat back to HEATHER) BRENDA: (Without energy) Heather, we didnt win the lottery. HEATHER: I know, Brenda, I know. What are we gonna do? BRENDA: I dont know. I feel so poor all of a sudden. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 22

HEATHER: Well, kiddo, were a heck of a lot poorer than someone with 95 million dollars, but at the same time, were no worse off than we were yesterday morning. BRENDA: Except for the bus fare. HEATHER: True. There is that. (Pause) Madame Mooch...is NOT a psychic. I think. BRENDA: I know. But for a moment there...I almost believed in her. I thought my problems could be fixed easily...with a little help from Moochs spirits. (In the background, a group of people approach the Information Booth and silently do the same sort of proof of their claim as our friends did) BRENDA: If I want good luck, I think I have to make it for myself. And if I want to be famous, Ill have to work at my acting skills and be the best I can be. HEATHER: But I think youre already so talented! BRENDA: Sometimes I think Ive got pretty good talent...but talents not enough. I need skill, too. I need more experience. I need more training. Its going to take lots of practice and hard work because I have to deserve, I have to earn my fame. HEATHER: (Half to herself) Im feeling exhausted just to think about it. Too much work for me! BRENDA: (Continuing, not hearing HEATHER) And I need to have the chance to test myself, to compare my skills with the skills of other actors. (The WINNER and friend shout in excitement and come by BRENDA...then they are quiet...) WINNER: Excuse me, miss? BRENDA: What do you want? WINNER: We thought we should just give you the chance to see what the REAL winning ticket looks like! (The WINNER thrusts the winning ticket towards BRENDA so she can see it, then takes it away, dancing around crazily with their FRIEND.) WINNER and FRIEND: (In a silly chant, rhythmically) 95...million dollars...95...million dollars! 95...million dollars, thats some easy money for me! WINNER: Whee! (The WINNER and FRIEND dance away off left in front of the curtain, passing GINA on the way. GINA comes down the street towards BRENDA and HEATHER.) GINA: Hey, there, I was about to go looking for you. I wanted to show you something. Its in the trade magazine I get for show business people. Check this out, right here. (Hands magazine to BRENDA and points to a headline) BRENDA: (Reads) PTV Television Networks new program for this season, Constellations, is looking for talent! This acting competition show challenges actors to wow famous judges with their dramatic talent and win big prizes. The top prize for this year is a million dollars in prize money and a year-long contract to play a supporting role in the ongoing PTV daytime drama, Questing. GINA: This is a serious opportunity, Brenda, not like last time. And its easy and free to get started, the first round will be a video audition; the people they use on TV will be chosen based on those submissions. All the details are at their website. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 23

HEATHER: Wow Brenda, that sounds perfect for you. (Looking at the article) You could use a monologue from the play youre doing now...or whatever, if you dont want to use that. BRENDA: Meh, I dont know, it sounds like a really unlikely thing that I would win. Im really not that good. I never have taken my acting seriously enough. Plus to win the big prize Id have to go and compete a lot of times, when what I really need is just to get something steady so I can pick up a paycheck every week and pay my insurance and electricity bill. GINA: Come on, Brenda, youre amazing as an actor. Remember that fantastic newspaper review? They believe in you and so do I. If you can get that sort of review from a critic that never likes anything, without taking your career seriously enough, just think what you can achieve if you put your heart into it! HEATHER: Shes right, Brenda, you really can be the best, Ill help you. I dont know much about acting and plays, but I know you well enough to help you out and give you emotional support. Ill be there for you through the whole thing. GINA: And so will I. Even if I werent your agent, I would...and as an agent, I know what Im talking about. Ive got experience, Ive seen all kinds of actors and you have what you need, if you work at it, to succeed, I know you do. BRENDA: Really, do you really think its worth the effort? HEATHER: Definitely. GINA: Its totally worth a serious shot. BRENDA: Well okay...I guess. I can make a video of myself acting and just upload it to their site; theres still a week before the deadline. I can see what other people do in their videos to give me a good idea of the competition. HEATHER: Ill help you rehearse and memorize the lines, and I can shoot the video for you. GINA: Whatever you need to help your chances, Ill be there. You can count on both of us. (HEATHER and GINA put their arms over each others shoulders supportively) BRENDA: You know, there are bound to be hundreds of actors submitting, maybe a thousand or more. And theyre only picking 99 people for the actual show. GINA: So what? Youre better than 99% of the actors Ive ever seen. And if you arent picked, youll know pretty soon and you wont have lost much of anything, and can still stay flexible. HEATHER: I feel like youre gonna win, Brenda! Im starting to get excited! BRENDA: All right, then. Because you believe in me, Ill give it a serious try. Im gonna do my best to impress the judges. You two girls...youre marvelous. You are so sweet, you give me more courage and confidence. HEATHER: If you have confidence to match the amount of talent you have, Brenda...theres nothing you cant do. (BRENDA comes up behind GINA and HEATHER so her head is between theirs, and hugs them both at once over their outer shoulders) BRENDA: With friends like you supporting me, Im almost ready to believe it myself. Come on, lets go for lunch and we can plan out this video audition! ALL: YEAH! (They walk out all together, BRENDA in the middle, arm in arm, with optimistic music Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 24

playing) Act II, Scene 2 TIME AND PLACE: The PTV studio in the capital. The time is about a month after last scene. The backdrop displays a flashy sign with the name of this TV show: the dramatic star search program Constellations! The curtains open. There are three stools set up UC for the three contestants, and two of them are full with MIDGE and MARCO; the third is BRENDAs stool. To the right is the seating area for the judges, already seated. To the left is the audience area; BRENDAs fans are there with signs (and other signs for MIDGE or MARCO possibly). The audience and fans are applauding happily for Brenda, who takes a bow. FLORIAN is walking down center to Brenda. FLORIAN: Brenda Star, ladies and gentleman. That was great, Brenda! You really looked angry as you did your lines. Were you feeling angry? BRENDA: Not really, Florian; mostly I was just feeling nervous! I thought I would forget my lines! FLORIAN: You didnt though, you were fine. How do you feel about your performance? BRENDA: Well, Im not sure, Im glad to get this experience. It wasnt as bad as I feared, but Im sure I could have done a lot better. My practice just this morning was a lot better, I thought. FLORIAN: Frankly if this morning was really better...I wish I could have seen it. I thought you were terrific. But now lets see what the judges thought! (BRENDA goes back to sit with the other contestants; FLORIAN walks over to the judges to get the score cards from them) Before I announce the scores for these three contestants, does one of you judges have some helpful comments for Midge here? (JUDGE 2 nods and raises a hand for a second; MIDGE steps forward) Go ahead, then, Tally. JUDGE 2: Midge, I really liked your performance. I think your voice was used very well, you sounded very much in character. I would like to suggest that you keep in mind what your body is doing, though. You kept shifting your feet back and forth; you probably didnt notice that, but it did look a little bit strange to me, I didnt think it was what the character would really do. So good job, Midge, keep practicing and I hope well see you back here again sometime! MIDGE: Thank you. (Audience applauds; MIDGE sits down) FLORIAN: I noticed that too, Tally, thanks a lot. Well, does anyone have something helpful to tell Marco, our second contestant today? (Judge 3 signals; MARCO steps forward) Great, please, share with us, Uma. JUDGE 3: Hi, Marco, I thought you showed real talent today. (Audience claps) Your whole performance, body and sound, the way you moved, all had a real menacing quality, you could tell even before you started to speak that this character was a scary, powerful person. One thing, though, your voice didnt seem very clear. You were speaking (demonstrating) from the back of your throat (back to normal voice) like that, and so the vowels were a little muddy and unclear. I dont know if that was your characterization or not, but some of the words were lost and so that took away a little from the performance, I thought. Still, keep at it, you have a lot of promise! MARCO: (Voice in back of throat) Thank you, maam. I appreciate it. (Audience applauds; MARCO sits) FLORIAN: Thats a good point, I agree, otherwise, awesome, Marco. And now, our newcomer today, Brenda. (FLORIAN motions to BRENDA to come forward, and she does so) Callie, could you give us some comments on Brendas performance? Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 25

JUDGE 1: Id love to, Florian, because I was really impressed with it. Hi Brenda, let me tell you something, youre really talented. (some audience applause) The emotions of your character really came through very clearly, and believably too. Though you never said what had made her angry, I definitely believed that you knew just what the reasons were; even when you were speaking politely, you still sounded full of anger. And you avoided the temptation of making her voice sound loud and shouty; that was a good idea. So your words were crystal clear all the time. Youve got a lovely voice, too, I can tell that already. One thing that was distracting though, your hands kept fidgeting around, you were pulling at your dress a lot. It felt like Brenda was not sure what to do with her hands...not like your character was unsure, if that makes sense. Well, that sort of thing comes with training and practice, and you should keep that up, because you have a lot of potential. Hope to see you back here again. Really top rate job. (Claps her hands for her) BRENDA: Thanks a lot, Callie, thank you! (Audience clap their hands and BRENDAs fans cheer and wave their signs; BRENDA, though, doesnt seem confident and seems sure she hasnt won). FLORIAN: Well, now its time to announce the scores for tonights contest, and to see who is the winner for this week! This weeks winner will compete with the other weekly winners for this months monthly playoffs; the winners from the monthly playoffs will compete at the end of the year for the grand prize...a million dollars, and a years contract on an upcoming new television drama series as an important supporting character! And now...Midges score is...(Drumroll) an 84! Thats a good score, Midge, but lets see how Marco did. Marcos score is...(Drumroll) an 83! Well, nearly as good as Midges score. And now its up to Midge and Brenda. Who will be this weeks winner, go on to the monthly playoffs, and also win fifty thousand dollars? Lets see...Brendas score (Drumroll) ....is....... an 85!! Good job, Ms Brenda Star, the winner this week by just one point! Come up here, please, Brenda! (BRENDA, who is surprised and thrilled, runs over to FLORIAN, center stage) Well well well, Brenda, you seem surprised! BRENDA: Yes, yes, I am! I was sure Midge would be the winner this time. I thought she was better than me. FLORIAN: Well, the judges certainly seemed to disagree with you, though it was pretty close. Nevertheless, youre the one whos the winner of $50,000, and in a month youll have the chance to compete against the other weekly winners! So, Brenda Star...congratulations, I hope youll be able to prepare well for next time, and thank you for sharing your talents with us on Constellations! (Shows theme music plays and the host goes to shake hands with the contestants... And the curtains close, as the music continues for a moment and then fades out.) BRENDA, GINA, and HEATHER come out in front of the curtains, immediately after the previous scene. Theyre excited; well, actually, GINA and HEATHER are more excited than BRENDA is. GINA: Brenda, you did great!! Ooh, I knew you could do it! Youre a winner! BRENDA: (Unexcited) Meh. I got enough for rent this month, thats a big plus. HEATHER: Yeah, for this month. And next month when you win again, I bet youll get enough for two or three more months! Youre onto something good, girl! BRENDA: Oh, Heather, be realistic. First, this is just a little bitty stage of the show, the very lowest level of winner I could be. And second, come on, you know I just got lucky! I dont feel like it really even counts...Midge was pretty good, aside from her happy feet, but Marco just sounded ridiculous! At least I beat him! That would have been embarrassing. GINA: No, you were really actually truly very good, Brenda, Im telling you honestly, I was impressed...and you know how many times Ive seen you act. You have real talent and your talent was obvious to everybody Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 26

there, I know it. BRENDA: But talent...yeah, thank you Gina, Im glad you think I have talent, but to do well in the higher level contests, I need more than just talent. I was born with talent, it isnt anything I can feel proud of. Its not like I earned my talent, not like I learned it. I didnt really put any real effort into preparations, I kept putting it off. I didnt work for this. I wouldnt have a chance against the other weekly winners, let alone get that TV acting job. Im just not good enough. HEATHER: I dont think youre right. You are good enough. BRENDA: No, Im not. I didnt give it my all. I need something reliable for my income, I need money, not talent. I need something stable, something where I get money every month, not have to battle other actors to get it. I got a good review in the local paper, but that doesnt pay me anything. And even that acting job isnt like a real professional career, I could get more by babysitting. GINA: Look Brenda, I believe in you. I really do. You have ability. You have talent, and I know thats not enough for a serious career, but if you had some serious training and practice, if you studied and worked at it, if you were properly motivated, you would amaze people. I wouldnt have stuck with you if I didnt believe that we could help each other win real success. I can see you as a major star. I truly can. I am confident that you can make it happen. HEATHER: I believe in you, too. I always have. I think your future will be wonderful. But it will only happen if you dont give up. BRENDA: Im sorry, Im tired. Ive been trying to keep up hope for five years now and Im still just a minor actress, little better than an amateur. I cant live this way. Look, Im sorry, but Ive already decided to get a real job, give up this silliness at last and get something stable. An office job, Im qualified, or maybe Julie can help me get a job at a library. I could even work at a shop if I had to, anything to get regular money to pay my bills. GINA: Brenda, youre too good to settle for something as dull as that. You have the potential to be an inspiration to other actors. You need to feed others dreams! BRENDA: No. I need to feed myself every day, and if you want to know the truth, Im not doing that. I have to be responsible, not a dreamer. I have to grow up and act like an adult and that means working at a paying job. If theres one thing Ive learned, its that you cant rely on magic or dreams to make it in the world. Real life isnt lovely or sparkly. Its steel gray and boring, but its all we get in life, and we have to just endure and do our jobs, even though we dont like it, because without working at it, well just fizzle away. GINA: It sounds to me like youre giving up, Brenda. Is that what youre saying, that youd take your acting experience, everything youve dreamed about, everything youve tried so hard to achieve, and pack that all away for a boring, ordinary life? I cant believe that. HEATHER: Brenda, Ive known you for 12 years and Ive always thought you were special, I always believed you could be a star, just like your name says. I believe in you. Ill tell you what, I wont give up on you. I have a dream that youll shine in the stars and the whole world will look up and you and wonder. I believe it will happen. BRENDA: . . . You guys are the best friends, you really are. I cant believe someone would believe in me like that. Do you actually think I can be famous? GINA: I know you can. But youve got to work at that. Work, yes, but dont throw your talent away. Support it by training yourself, get the skills you need. And then youll knock all the competition down. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 27

HEATHER: Youre a natural, and if you just stick at it, if you truly promise to try, Ill be with you every day to help you train; Ill support you all the way. And when you win it all, I want to be there with you to cheer. BRENDA: (Affected) I dont feel like I deserve such amazing friends. But if you believe in me, and if you trust that I can make it, Ill need your help. Dont let me give up. Help me have enough courage to keep going. GINA: I will. HEATHER: I will, too. (They go out arm in arm, smiling. [They go to change clothes; during this curtain scene the set has been changed and the people have changed costumes] Lights go down.) Act II, Scene 3 TIME AND PLACE: Several months later. BRENDA has won several more competitions by now and has reached the finals. As the lights come back on, the curtain is still closed; we are in a hallway of the TV studio where Constellations is about to tape the final competition of the television year, the one that will end with the winner scoring that dramatic television role and a million dollars. JULIE and ROLLO rush on, almost late for the taping. They are carrying banners and signs that encourage BRENDA to win, when they are in the studio audience. They are bundled up a bit for colder weather; ROLLO wears his homburg and JULIE has a knit cap on, and a scarf. By now, as we can see, they are good cheering buddies and get along well. JULIE (In the lead): Almost there, Rollo. You okay? ROLLO (A bit out of breath) As long as were almost there, Ill be okay. (He starts to move again, but then seems a little dizzy) No, wait, please, just a moment; I will be fine, if I can just catch my breath. JULIE: (Moves closer to him as he pants, concerned) OK, Rollo, take your time. Weve missed part of the contest, but well see the last bit, Im sure. ROLLO: (Still catching his breath, after a pause) I think Brendas going to win today. JULIE: I dont know, Im so nervous! But shes been doing so well! I think the acting coach you found for her made a big difference. ROLLO: Well, she really took the lessons to heart. If she hadnt made a firm decision to take this seriously and be a real student of the acting craft, Gordons classes wouldnt have worked so well. But as it is...she can now start to take her raw talent and use it with control. JULIE: I agree. She used to be great. But now shes so much better than before. Shes started to learn the skills that give her control over her acting power, and I think she knows shes been growing. ROLLO: Her confidence is so much stronger than before, now. She knows what she can do, and she knows how to get the effect she wants. (Shrugs) Shes incredible. And every time, every show, the competition is tougher and tougher, but she just keeps getting better and better. JULIE: Last week was her best performance yet. I cant believe this is the final round...if she wins this time, shes got the TV role and a million dollars. ROLLO: I think her career as a professional actress will be secure. JULIE: Shoot, have you seen how popular shes getting among the fans? Theyre crazy about her! I think even if she doesnt win today, shes got a fan base and people will want to hire her, champion or not. Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 28

ROLLO: But our sign will be the best of them all. Were her number one fans...weve been behind her right from the start. Im ready, Julie. Lets get in there and watch this moment in history. JULIE: Youve got it, Rollo. (They pick up their signs again and trot off stage in front of the curtain, which now opens. (The set is a bit different now, different background, the judge and audience areas reversed (with the audience section on the same side of the stage that JULIE and ROLLO exited from), and of course the people have all changed clothes. The set decorations make it clear that this is the final round of the competition.[If possible, a computer graphic or picture of the cast of the TV drama should be visible, with one characters face missing and a question mark showing in its place, to suggest that that winner will be a cast member after today. The costume of this missing person should be unisex, so the face of a male or female winner would look equally reasonable. Below is a mock-up just to give the idea of this picture.]

(ROLLO and JULIE come on quietly from the back and take their places in the audience stands, their signs at the ready. FLORIAN, the host, is already center stage as the lights come back up; there are again three stools behind him and to the side, with one empty and RAQUEL seated on the other, alongside BRENDA. However, CORIAN has just lost, and he is standing with FLORIAN; CORIAN is very disappointed, maybe is a bit tearful. ) FLORIAN: Well, Corian, youve had an amazing run these last few weeks. You won a spot in the semifinals last month, you were a finalist last week too, and now we know the result: you came in third for the entire year. Look out at your fans here, they love you, and we all know you did your best. Sorry you didnt quite make the score you needed just now, but youve still done a wonderful job, youre a very good actor and youll be taking home this check for 250 thousand dollars. So tell me, Corian, how do feel right now? CORIAN: (Sullen) I hate my life and I hate this show. You all suck, the judges are idiots, and it isnt fair. (With more energy, louder, starting to walk around) Everything about this contest is suspicious! And Florian, youre the ugliest, stupidest person Ive ever seen...or thought about! FLORIAN: (as CORIAN is shouting, to the director offstage) We can cut this part out of the show when its on TV, right? Good, OK. CORIAN: (Without a pause, continuing) And MY fans are the worst! Look at that sign! (Pointing at some fans offstage) Hurray for Dorian! Come on, my names Corian, not Dorian! (Enraged) Get it right! (On screen, we see a group of fans with a sign that says that, but with Corian spelled correctly...) FLORIAN: No...no, that says Corian, with a C... CORIAN: (Sudden change of mood) Ha ha, just fooling, everyone, Sorry Florian, that was ACTING! (Everyone is baffled, not sure if hes lying or not, not sure if they should laugh or be angry) No, Im sorry, this was a wonderful experience and Im so glad I could be a part of this amazing program. Thank you so much, everyone! FLORIAN: (Still a bit confused, but playing along) ...Uhh...Oh, well, youre welcome, Corian, um, your Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 29

acting really is remarkable...I think we all believed you were angry, but well, thank goodness, Im just happy youre happy, then, and thank you for your incredible work. CORIAN: Heh heh heh, It was a pleasure, Florian, thank you everyone, thanks for having me on Constellations. (Looking around at everyone and finally at FLORIAN, with a smile, but changing to a sneer as he starts to walk offstage and exiting) . . . you bunch of jerks.... FLORIAN: (When CORIAN is finally offstage, everyone staring in horror at CORIAN; Awkwardly getting the show moving again) . . . Well. Um. Corian Marosi, sadly disqualified. And now the very last stage of our contest. Our two finalists are Raquel Alberti and Brenda Star, here to do just one more bit of acting and well then know whom our judges will pick as the ultimate winner of our show for this entire year. The winner will receive a check for one million dollars and will be the newest costar on PTVs daytime drama series. How do you feel, Raquel? RAQUEL: Im feeling like a million dollars, Florian. Im excited and I feel confident! This is the best moment of my life! FLORIAN: Aw, well Im glad I can be a part of it, Raquel. (Turns to BRENDA) And how about you, Brenda? (She is sitting with her eyes closed, concentrating) Brenda, whats going through your mind at this point? (No response) Uh, Brenda? You still with us? (Shaking her shoulder gently) Are you asleep? BRENDA: (Opening her eyes) Sorry, Ive just been focusing my mind, Florian. Its one of the exercises my acting coach, Gordon Rafferty, was teaching me. Im ready. Can we start? FLORIAN: Yes, in just a minute, Brenda. First weve got to pick the type of acting you have to do. Ladies, please come over to our Spinner of Skits. Its time to roll! (BRENDA and RAQUEL are prepared for this; they stand on either side of a smaller version of the wheel of fortune thing and prepare to spin it. The options there are all marked with a question mark, each having an envelope (perhaps tacked in place). Lets have the audience help count us in! Lets go, everyone, three-two-one-go! FANS and FLORIAN: Three! Two! One! GO!! (RAQUEL and BRENDA spin the wheel clockwise with energy. It spins and then slows down, to enthusiasm by the fans. It stops.) FLORIAN: And our Spinner of Skits has chosen one envelope from all the others...the envelope that will tell us what specific acting contest you two people will perform now that will determine which of you is the big winner for this whole television year...should I open it? FANS: Yes! Yayyyy! FLORIAN: Very well, then! (FLORIAN gets the envelope out and pulls out a slip of paper, unfolds it gradually for dramatic effect, and then takes a deep breath before reading it:) The task before you is...Cold Reading! RAQUEL: Cold reading?! Whats that? FLORIAN: Its pretty simple, really. Well give you and Brenda a script each, one youve never seen before. The first thing you see is a description of the scene and your character. After youve read that, this bell will ring... (We hear a bell ring) and you can turn the page and start to read the script aloud, acting out the scene you see on the second page. I will perform the other character for you. To win this final round, youre going to have to read the lines in character, just as if youd memorized them ahead of time...even though this will be the first time anyones ever seen them aside from me and our writers! These scenes are each rather short, but as an extra challenge youll have a timer; try to get your performance paced so that the end of the scene is right at the 90 second mark! Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 30

RAQUEL: Ugh, I remember this one and I was hoping I wouldnt get it. Geez! BRENDA: All right! This is one of my favorites. Thinkin on my feet...and nothing to memorize. (Rubbing hands together) Ive got this one. Lets get started! FLORIAN: Thats the spirit! Raquel, since youre the current leader, youll be first. (Reaches behind the Spinner to get the scripts; hands one to each contestant) Here are your scripts. You have thirty seconds to read the scene introduction and prepare your characters. Brenda, well give you the signal when you can start to read your script. But first, a word from our sponsors! (He smiles at the camera for a second and then relaxes; the lights dim.) OK everyone, relax but speak softly; let Raquel prepare! (Brenda has seen her fans including Gina, Heather, Rollo, and Julie, and rushes over to them. All speak in a hushed voice.) Youll hear the bell a few seconds after were taping again, Raquel. BRENDA: Oh my god, guys, these signs are amazing! I knew youd be here for me! JULIE: Wouldnt miss it. Sorry we were late. (They hug) You ready? BRENDA: You kidding? This is the easiest one. No problem. HEATHER: Really? BRENDA: Actually Im nervous as heck, but I know I can do this. Think positive thoughts for me! FANS: (Muted cheering as FLORIAN motions to show that its time to tape in 3..2...1.. Roll! BRENDA sits back at her stool) FLORIAN: ...and were back and its about time for Raquel to begin... (The bell dings! FLORIAN takes out his own script, ready. RAQUEL is really nervous and stands in the center of the stage, not moving; her script trembles.) RAQUEL reads her script, not taking her eyes off it for the whole skit except when FLORIAN reads his lines, during which she looks around in alarm, grimacing when she reads wrongly, and reading overall very woodenly, slowly, and with difficulty. She makes some mistakes and has to repeat words sometimes. She gets lost once after FLORIANs line, and FLORIAN has to point to the place in the script, to his annoyance. A description of the scene and characters will appear on a screen somewhere where RAQUEL cannot see it. It reads: SCENE: A low rent neighborhood in suburban Louisiana, USA. Betty is an intelligent and educated woman who fell in love with Trey, an unambitious lumbermill worker, in high school. The two of them have often had disagreements, but Betty has always given in to Treys wishes before...and on this hot summer day Trey is watching TV and drinking a beer. Today Betty has been treated rudely one last time by her insensitive husband, and she has reached her limit. The script they are reading will appear here inset. RAQUEL: (as Betty) Look, Trey, I think Ive been very patient here. Ive tried to cooperate and work with you because I love you. But it seems lately like nothing I do makes an impact on you! I canceled my vacation with my best friend because you said you wanted to have more time with me, but during that whole week you only watched TV and drank beer with YOUR friends. And I might not see Sandra again for years! FLORIAN: (As Trey) Hey baby, dont you like spending your time with me? You dont need all those silly girls to giggle and badmouth me, do you? RAQUEL: But we didnt spend time together! We dont, even now! You keep to yourself and I have nothing to do and nobody to talk to. We moved here to Louisiana because you wanted to, even though you didnt have family here or a steady job, and I went along with it...for you, because I Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 31

wanted you to keep happy. And I hope you are happy...arent you? Cause Im not. FLORIAN: Happy, Betty? How happy do you think I can be look around this place, does this like a place that can make me happy? Its a mess, didnt you realize that? Your housekeeping skills are not exactly perfect. RAQUEL: Trey, this is all your mess. Havent you noticed that? What part of this crap is my stuff? Huh? Exactly NONE of it. FLORIAN: Hey, which of us here is the housewife? Is it you or me? Whose job is it to clean this place up? I notice Im the one with a job, right? So that means that the house is YOUR job, and you dont do all that well with it. (During the next line, FLORIAN signals to BRENDA that she should turn her script over and begin to read the scene description) RAQUEL: You...you sexist jerk! This is the twenty-first century! I wanted a job too but you would never let me get an interview...even though Ive got better education than you. I could get a better job. Heck I could do YOUR job better than you do, but Nooo, you wont let me! As if my career was your decision! Well look, this isnt my mess and its not my job to clean up after you like your maid or your mother. Youre not six years old! (Bell rings at the 90 second mark; the actors may not have time to finish the above) FLORIAN: ...And, times up! RAQUEL: But were not finished with the script! Ive got half a page left! FLORIAN: Well, pacings the key sometimes! Now its time for Brendas turn! RAQUEL: (Starting to panic, scared shell lose her chance to win) Hang on, I still have a bit more! FLORIAN: Im sorry, its Brendas turn now. Just relax at your stool. (RAQUEL is frustrated and angry but gives up and takes her seat grumpily) OK, Brenda, lets begin. (The BELL dings. BRENDA nods. The screen shows a scene description as before. It reads: Young Marjorie Featherwood, a humble village girl in England at the turn of the 19th century, has lost a love poem she wrote about Mr August Collier, and is searching for it in the country house where she works. BRENDA is in her element. She reads her script but is able to look away from it; she moves about as her character requires, and a surprised FLORIAN accommodates this. She has good character voice and expression, good body language, and a sense of who her character is. Her character goes through a wide variety of emotions, all of which are reflected in BRENDAs performance. In short, she is splendid. BRENDA: (As Marjorie Featherwood; she is searching a room for something, but is surprised to see a man walk into the room) Why, Mr Collier, er...hello! FLORIAN: (As August Collier, a rich and handsome aristocrat) Are you looking for something, Miss Featherwood? BRENDA: Erno. FLORIAN: But you were looking under pillows on the sofa. BRENDA: Well in fact I was searching a bit for...for my handkerchief! I seem to have lost it. FLORIAN: You were also looking among the papers on the desk. Are you likely to have left your handkerchief there? BRENDA: Oh! Well....er...you never know! FLORIAN: Im sorry to say I have not seen your handkerchief. However, I found an odd bit of Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 32

paper by the mantelpiece. (BRENDA reacts with surprise and alarm; this is what she was really looking for). It contains a charming bit of poetry. Would you like to read it? BRENDA: I? (She crosses to FLORIAN to take the imaginary paper, opens it up, glances shyly at him, and begins to read) Its title seems to be Sonnet to a Particular Gentleman. FLORIAN: Yes, a rather tired topic, I think, though the poem itself is lovely. BRENDA: (Reading) Well, Mr Collier, it is not the highest art, surely, but it rather reminds me of you. FLORIAN: Does it? I rather thought so too. Please, in what way do you mean? BRENDA: Well, sir, the horse is dappled, much like yours. And the writer mentions a high gray silk hat, much like yours. FLORIAN: And the mud that was on my boots when I arrived Tuesday, that seems to be referred to as well. BRENDA: Yes. Mostly I think the parts about the gentlemans kindness, his intelligence, and his deep voice remind me of yours. That...and the handsome face with a pointed beard... FLORIAN: The handsome face was what made me think it wasnt about me! I wonder who could have written this? BRENDA: Im sure I dont know, Mr Collier. If it is about you, I would guess that the writer loves you very much. I imagine the writer is head over heels in love. Perhaps it is Miss Winters... FLORIAN: No, impossible! I only feel bad because Im afraid I will have to disappoint this writer. BRENDA: Disappoint her? Someone who clearly cares for you? Oh, that is a sad thing! FLORIAN: I cannot accept the love of anyone but the woman I love myself... (Looking up at BRENDA) BRENDA: I hope you will be very happy, Mr Collier. I wish you nothing but joy. (Ready to cry) FLORIAN: I hope for joy, too, Miss Marjorie. But I could never be happy in my life unless the writer of this poem were you yourself. BRENDA: I?! Whatever do you mean, sir? FLORIAN: (On one knee) If you were the poet, and if you loved me, I would ask you to honor me by becoming my wife. (Wry smile, starting to rise) But as you do not even know who wrote it, my hopes are dashed! BRENDA: Oh, Mr Collier! Stay, do stay! (He does, looking up at her; she takes a quill and writes on the paper for a moment) There were some words missing. To Mr August Collier, a particular gentleman... by Miss Marjorie Featherwood, poetess. (Bell rings. The two actors relax, a bit embarrassed. RAQUEL glares at them. The fans are ecstatic. The JUDGES join in the applause; after a bit, they stand up one by one, and the audience does too. One judge wipes a tear away from their eye. Impulsively, FLORIAN gives BRENDA a hug. Then he motions for quiet. FLORIAN: Thank you, Brenda, that was beautiful...and perfectly timed. Well, friends, up until now, our last two contestants have been neck and neck, almost tied for first place. If the reaction of the judges is any indication, though... (Smiling, and the audience laughs and claps a little) I think theres been a little change! Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 33

Judges...? JUDGE 1: (Walking to BRENDA) Brenda Starr, I dont know how you managed that, but your characterization was perfect! I got the sense of a whole love story in that little scene. All your emotions showed up clearly in your face, and even in your body ...I gave you extra points for your body language! JUDGE 2: You really seemed to have a feeling for this character, which I only just heard of a few minutes ago. You seemed not only to know this Miss Featherwood; you seemed to become her. Now, Ive had a lot of experience with actors, and that was truly one of the finest acting jobs Ive ever seen...even among actors who have worked with their characters for months. Congratulations. BRENDA: Thank you both very much. JUDGE 3: This was a close contest...up until this last bit. Now, theres obviously no contest. I know we havent figured the score out yet, but (Addressing the audience and all) I think theres no question about who our winner is for this year. Brenda Star, youve lived up to your name. (On a screen, the scores are shown.) FLORIAN: And here are the scores now. Raquel Marosi, you did very very, well in this contest, with a total of 1,293 points. (The scores show the scores for Raquel and Brenda to have been 1,229 and 1,202 before the last contest, and their scores on the cold reading as 64 and 97 respectively. RAQUEL has stepped forward and is still very hopeful) Im sorry to say you didnt win our grand prize, (BRENDA reacts with a start, and RAQUEL with despair and anger) but you are an excellent contestant and I wish you all kinds of luck in your future career! RAQUEL: (Devastated) Thank you, Florian. I guess that cold reading did me in. I was never such a good reader. I should have practiced that more. Good job, Brenda, you were fantastic. (Shakes BRENDAs hand and goes offstage quickly to avoid being seen crying) FLORIAN: And now...Miss Brenda Star, with a total of 1,202 points before this last round... (His voice, low at first, gets higher and louder as he goes on till he is shouting in excitement) got a total of 97 points for the cold reading skit, and your total score is therefore 1,299 points...making you the grand champion of acting for this entire year at Constellations! (The fans and audience and all other people cheer and applaud, whistling and waving their arms in the air. Brendas FRIENDS now rush up on stage with a yell to surround her) FLORIAN: (As a prop check is brought out for a million dollars and her name on it, and the dramas cast photo is shown to have the missing face replaced with Brendas) And you, Brenda Star, are the worthy winner of a million dollars, and a costarring role on the daytime drama Questing. BRENDA: I thought it was a supporting role? FLORIAN: Theres been a change, Brenda, for a surprise. The director has confidence in you! (Cheering from all, and then everyone hushes and listens to BRENDAs concluding speech) BRENDA: This is just incredible to me. I just never thought this could happen to me. I owe so much to my friends. Here, these are my best friends. They believed in me all the way, even when I had no confidence. They helped me train and practice and memorize my lines, they told me I could do it and from these wonderful people I somehow came to believe it myself. Ive never worked so hard for anything in my whole life, I got professional training, thank you Mr Rafferty!! But all this hard work was worth it. And I want to tell you all, if you have a dream, and if you want it hard enough, you can make it happen. You may have to earn it; talent is NOT enough all by itself. You will need to believe you can achieve it, and youll need the Nobody Famous Shortened Draft 0.3 34

emotional support from amazing friends like mine. But never give up, never. You will grow and youll get better, and some day youll know its true that there is value in earning your own success. I actually like myself right now, I really did earn this, I had help from the best people in the world but in the end I did the work and my dream is coming true. This is unbelievable, thank you all so much, Im so satisfied with my life right now. Thank you all at Constellations for all your support and encouragement, too. Thank you Florian. Thanks to my wonderful agent Gina...my childhood bestie Heather...my incredible cheering section Rollo and Julie...youre all magical! FLORIAN: Im sure we are all thrilled for you, Brenda, and your super support group, Im thrilled myself! But its time to sing our theme song and wish everyone out there in TV Land a good night and remember everyone, you can make your dreams come true, with hard work, self-belief, and friends who believe in your dreams as much as you do. Lets all sing! ALL: (Singing) Look up now, see the stars in the sky They shine, they blaze, theyre beautiful The pictures that the stars all make can bring tears to your eye For they shine, they blaze, theyre beautiful. The pictures set a scene, they tell a story And if your pictures there, you will find glory! (Thank you Florian) Look up now, and see the stars in the sky! Theyre shining with your name tonight, They make the world turn twinkle bright, Their information Says congratulations So celebrate! Your futures great! Your constellations beautiful....! (Bows and curtain. The end.) PROP LIST. SCENE 1. Crystal ball Lottery ticket Newspaper JULIEs script of Romeo and Juliet JULIEs bicycle, with a basket in front Radio TV JULIEs Book Sign board with changeable numbers

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A few flyers for Romeo and Juliet Business cards for BRENDA BRENDAs handbag BRENDAs Madame Mooch brochure (HEATHER writes the lottery numbers on this) HEATHERs pen JOEs gun JOEs gun clip (with extra bullets)

Scene 2 Another lottery ticket BRENDAs drivers license (in her handbag) GINAs magazine Scene 3 Signs for midge, marco, and Brendas fans Score displays Scene 4 Signs for Raquel and Brendas fans Score displays Large fake check Flower bouquets A bit of paper in BRENDAs pocket A Spinner of Skits prop

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