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Alone
In the last two decades, the number of people lIvIng alone has skyrocketed on a global scale. So what are the benefitS that are driving the trend? five SingletonS reflect on the riSe and riSe of Solo living Interviews by Lori Cohen and Zodwa KumaLo-VaLentine

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Photographs by Stan engeLbreCht

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Human societies, at all times and places, have organised themselves around the will to live with others. But not any more. For the first time in human history, great numbers of people of all ages, in all places, of every political persuasion have begun settling down as singletons. Numbers never tell the whole story, but in this case the statistics are startling. According to the market research firm Euromonitor International, the number of people living alone globally is skyrocketing, rising from about 153 million in 1996 to 277 million in 2011 an increase of around 80 percent in 15 years. In the UK, 34 percent of households have one person living in them and in the US its 28 percent. Contemporary solo dwellers are primarily women: about 18 million, compared with 14 million men in the US. The majority are middle-aged adults between the ages of 35 and 64. Young adults between 18 and 34 are the fastest-growing segment of the solodwelling population. Sweden has more solo dwellers than anywhere else in the world, with 47 percent of households having one resident; followed by Norway at 40 percent. In Scandinavian countries, their welfare states protect most citizens from the more difficult aspects of living alone. In Japan, where social life has historically been organised around the family, about 30 percent of all households have a single dweller, and the rate is far higher in urban areas. The Netherlands and Germany share a greater proportion of one-person households than the UK. The number of South Africans living alone increased by five percent between 1996 and 2001, according to Stats SA. Our solo stat is now 24 percent. And the nations with the fastest growth in one-person households? China, India and Brazil. But despite the worldwide prevalence, living alone isnt really discussed, or understood. We aspire to get our own places as young adults, but fret about whether its all right to stay that way, even if we enjoy it. We worry about friends and family members who havent found the right match, even if they insist that theyre okay on their own. In these situations, living alone is something that each person experiences as the most private of matters, when in fact it is an increasingly common condition.

irritates It

lITTle House on THe PraIrIe

greta wilSonS farm life SuitS her free-SPirited nature.

me immensely when people worry about me living alone. They havent travelled my path
When there is a public debate about the rise of living alone, commentators present it as a sign of fragmentation. In fact, the reality of this great social experiment is far more interesting. The rise of living alone has been a transformative social experience. It changes the way we understand ourselves and our most intimate relationships So whats driving it? One reason that more people live alone than ever before is that they can afford to. Yet there are a great many things that we can afford to do but choose not to, which means the economic explanation is just one piece of the puzzle. The rise stems from the cultural change that mile Durkheim, a founding figure in sociology in the late nineteenth century, called the cult of the individual. According to Durkheim, this cult grew out of the transition from traditional rural communities to modern industrial cities. Now the cult of the individual has intensified. Not long ago, someone who was dissatisfied with their spouse and wanted a divorce had to justify that decision. Today, if you arent fulfilled by your marriage, you have to justify staying in it, because there is cultural pressure to be good to yourself. Another driving force is the communications revolution, which has allowed people to experience social life even when theyre living alone. Today, young solitaires actively reframe living alone as a mark of distinction and success. They use it as a way to invest time in their personal and professional growth. Living alone and being alone are hardly the same, yet the two are routinely conflated. In fact, theres little evidence that the rise of living alone is responsible for making us lonely. Research shows that its the quality, not the quantity, of social interactions that best predicts loneliness. What matters is not whether we live alone, but whether we feel alone. As divorced or separated people often say, theres nothing lonelier than living with the wrong person. There is also evidence that people who never marry are no less content than those who do. According to research, they are significantly happier and less lonely than people who are widowed or divorced. Ultimately, its too early to say how any particular society will respond to either the problems or the opportunities generated by this extraordinary social transformation. After all, our experiment with living alone is still in its earliest stages, and we are just beginning to understand how it affects our own lives. Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise And Surprising Appeal Of Living Alone, by Eric Klinenberg, is published by Penguin Press.

Oscar when hes on guarding alert! Ive never worked in a cubicle per se, but I do appreciate the absence of office politics. I go to town for meetings and to catch up with friends who dont come out to the farm. This suits my personality much better. I dont have a TV, so I catch up with the major news via radio delivered to my Netbook. It irritates me immensely when people worry about me living alone. They havent travelled my path and cant experience the sheer joy and liberation that comes from being able to whistle when you want to, work in bed, walk around starkers the list goes on. And the people who express concern are the same ones who leave their single friends off the invite list. How does that happen? Would I consider living with someone again? Yes if they were an animal lover with a passion for the great outdoors.

PaIGe nIck 38, author, columniSt and advertiSing coPywriter

comInG ouT of THe sHadoWs

through theraPy, Stacy iS Slowly healing.

GreTa WIlson 41, Pr executive

It was never an active choice to live alone though I admit I shun the advances of most men and, after two fanatically religious boyfriends, exercise the right to be more selective about who I live with. In my teens, twenties and thirties, I had a different vision for my adult years of course I imagined a set-up where kids and a husband featured. This was not in my destiny, as things turned out. At the tail end of my last relationship, I had a miscarriage and things between us fell apart. Looking back at when I lived with others, I sold out to my boyfriends terms, though they were, in fact, living in my house. Their children would rock up every other weekend and through school holidays. Invariably at least one of these kids would decide to take an instant disliking to me. On the work front it certainly suits me to live alone. Even better, I do this from a farm base. I sold my house in town two years ago and live on an olive farm with my three dogs, Kerneelz, Sophie and Oscar. Nobody would want to get near

We aspire to get our own places as young adults, but fret about whether its all right to stay that way, even if we enjoy it
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contrary to popular belief, not everyone who chooses to live alone has hundreds of porcelain figurines and 12 cats

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When I left home at 21, I moved into my own place, and then into my next place, and then my next, and then my next. None of my relationships have ever developed into us living together, which rather suited me. Im a writer and for me, writing is urgent. Sometimes Ill wake up in the middle of the night with an idea and I need to get it down as fast as possible. So the self-centredness of living alone suits this particular mania. The quiet helps too. I find I dont write as easily with Arsenal blaring in the background. Theres something about solitude that feeds my writing. Characters chatter away in my head and, if left alone in peace and quiet, theyll happily form themselves into little word soldiers and march obediently onto the page when directed there. Living alone also allows me the luxury of my own schedule and rules. My home and the way I live in it is actually pretty normal, except for my study, which is an explosion of books and papers. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone who chooses to live alone has taxidermied animals, hundreds of miniature porcelain figurines and 12 cats. Im the youngest of six children, so I grew up in a very busy household and shared a bedroom with one of my sisters for years. If I had to put down how living alone differs from living with four sisters, a brother, a dog, a cat and assorted ducks, chickens and silkworms, wed be here till next year. Both have their advantages, but at my current stage of life you couldnt pay me to live in a full house again. >
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The negatives? When youre sick, theres nobody to moan to about how much more sick you are than anyone else on the planet has ever been, but I have a huge family and a lot of friends who would all be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed them. Instances of loneliness do come on the very rare occasion, but the instances of happiness and contentment far outweigh them. My day job is as a copywriter at an ad agency, so Im usually at my desk from 8.30am till 5pm on week days. After work I try to either gym or drink a cocktail. Ten points if I manage to do both. My weekly Sunday Times column deadline is every Wednesday, so Tuesday nights are usually carnage. On weekends I try to juggle exercise, socialising, dating and more writing. Its probably a good thing I dont want to live with anyone, because chances are nobody would want to live with me! Of course, I love the perks that come with having a boyfriend, like the sex and flowers and someone to watch the Sunday night movie with, but I dont see myself getting married and having kids. In an ideal world, my partner would live in his own house two or three streets away, so we could live together, but apart.

I often get asked questions by men trying to figure out whether theres something wrong with me because I live alone

moTlaTsI maruPInG 32, financial accountant

I was raised with strong Christian beliefs, so the idea of living with a partner before marriage never crossed my mind. Even though my mom and dad passed away when I was young, I still plan to live my life according to what they would have wanted. Id never move in with a man until he put a ring on it. When I moved out of home, I shared a flat with a friend, which soured our friendship. Its not so much what people say, but you start noticing a change in attitude. I had a boyfriend, she didnt, and I was often not home to share the cooking and cleaning responsibilities. Id come home to find her watching TV and not one pot on the stove. After a year we had to part ways. I decided never to live with someone again, or waste money on renting, so I bought a house. My family wanted me to wait until I got married, but I wasnt prepared to wait. I want to be able to look after myself before letting someone else look after me. I also realised how little furniture and other items Id accumulated. Living with someone made me complacent about buying my own things and Im enjoying making the space mine without having to consult someone else. I like my cups to face downwards in the cupboard and the cushions arranged just so. When I have visitors, I sometimes get to a point where I just want them to leave so I can put my house back to the state it was in. I often get asked probing questions by men trying to figure out whether theres something wrong with me because

motlatSi maruPing reliSheS the freedom of her own SPace.

HaPPy WITH Her remoTe conTrol

InGrId kaTz 33, Skin SPecialiSt

I had an idyllic upbringing in a small town, filled with lots of family and friends, playing sports and socialising. But after matric I chose to study on the other side of the country, at a health and skincare academy in Stellenbosch. I shared a flat with a friend and we had a great sense of knowing when to party and when it was time to knuckle down. It was easier living with someone in the same study mode, because you recognise each others needs. However, my carefree life came to an abrupt halt when I was involved in a car accident that left me paralysed from the waist down. My independence temporarily hampered, I managed to finish my studies while in hospital. I moved back home for four years to rehabilitate and worked in a beauty salon. I then moved to Joburg where I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law until I found a place to call my own. My home is my sanctuary, the place I re-energise and a space I feel completely comfortable in. People who dont know me seem to wonder how I cope on my own, but I do. I dont require assistance and nothing in my home has been adapted or modified to suit my wheelchair or my ability to move around with my disability. Its on one level and thats really all I need. I do my own grocery shopping and cooking, although I do have a full-time domestic worker who cleans and carries out the general maintaining of my home. The idea that youre either a loner or a loser if you live alone is something I dont really pay attention to. Between

I live alone. Being able to live on your own says a lot about your ability to feel content with your own company. And just because I dont share my home with someone doesnt mean I dont have someone special in my life; I do. We just prefer to have our own spaces. The best thing about not sharing? Im addicted to soapies. I race home to catch them and spend the evening watching one after the other. Dont get between me and my remote!

People who dont know me wonder how I cope, but I dont require assistance living on myown

growing uP, Paige nick lived in a large, buSy houSehold. She now enjoyS her Peace and quiet.

solITary sanITy

after coming home from iraq, lIvInG felt emily Stehr InblIss like a zombie. ingrid katz SayS her home iS her Sanctuary.

Home alone and HaPPy

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the birthday parties, weddings, dinners, engagement dinners, weekends away and lunches, I have a very busy social life and Ive just started my own business. I get to be selfish living alone and dont have to worry about hogging the bathroom. I can be social when I want to be social. It hasnt been a conscious choice to live alone, its just happened that way and I dont view it as a bad situation. It is what it is. When the time is right, Ill be happy to make some changes and share my space with someone who is willing to do the same for me.

When we spend time in a remote location, going back to an empty house is tough

asHanTHa THomPson 40, ceo at grid worldwide

After five years of not meeting anyone special, Id accepted that I was going to be one of those women who were going to be single and happy. There is sufficient evidence to suggest you dont need to be married and have children to be happy. Little did I know that a friendship would turn into the love of my life. Wed been friends for 12 years and I tried to set him up with a friend. During the course of the evening, it became apparent that he wasnt interested. Instead, I realised there was something between us.

We got married last year, but we still live in different cities and its been a challenge. Every alternate week, I spend five days in Cape Town, where he lives, and the rest of the time in Johannesburg, where my office is based. He also ventures up to Joburg on a regular basis. For the most part, Im not lonely. I fill my evenings and weekends with Nia dance classes, dinner and outings with friends, chores and work. But both John and I enjoy travelling together and when we spend time in a remote location like Madagascar, where we spent Easter, going back to an empty house is tough. Ive been living on my own since I moved into res at university at 17. And I lived with my brother and his family for two years after spending six months in Japan. That and living with another boyfriend for four years were both great experiments. They taught me a lot about what I love and hate about sharing a space. Solitude is something I only fully thought about and appreciated once I didnt have it. There was a time in my life when my work schedule was so demanding and I didnt make time for myself to daydream or just listen to music. Now I work smarter and start the day easing into the morning with no TV, radio or interruptions from the outside world; just the hum of the coffee machine and the smell of coffee beans and time to gather myself for the day. I plan to relocate to Cape Town where were building a home, but what Ive learnt from past relationships is the importance of retaining my identity when we live together. We need to continue to go away with our friends as a couple and individuals, and I need to take responsibility for creating my own happiness and not relying on my husband to entertain me.

lIvInG alone andHaPPy

aShantha thomPSon and her huSband live in SeParate citieS.

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