A Day in the Life I rolled over disoriented; was that the floor or the ceiling?

Hard to tell; the decrepit warehouse didnt give much for dcor, and everything was the same soiled beige. It was where was the moon? Or the clock, thats right, the clock 2:13 AM, Wednesday. Or maybe Tuesday, or Thursday; Id lost track some time ago. Id overslept a bit- sure to be slim pickings by now, but sometimes it just grates you to the bone, that horrible hunger. It just plucks at you, shreds your stomach until you just cant fight the fatigue. An old flames words licked at the edges of my mind, one of the endless pleas lodged in those far recesses. You need to sleep more, babe. And eat. You look half dead. Fighting off a smile and a croaking chortle I stood, studying the skeletal face in the thin pale reflection where the glass window escaped the cloudy frost. I looked the part, thats for sure: greying, weathered skin bare in patches; my hollow cheeks a stretch of stringy sinuous flesh with the occasional mat of dingy hair; its loose folds drooping sadly from my high jutting cheekbones. My eyes were round and red and watery, a vivid oily green on dim white. My nose was a mess of splintered bone and pulpy ridged flesh, my forehead bare and bleeding from the numerous tears and gashes- brutal reminders of my place in the world. When had I broken my nose? Shrugging and pulling my scratchy threadbare coat about my pointed shoulders, I kicked the door open to embrace the heady night air. Good night, I whispered to no one, my voice a spectre on the dark breeze. I recalled my limp in anguish as I sauntered down the street, wide expressionless eyes hazily scanning the dismal horizon. I stumbled along with a shambling sway, the heavy thud of my near-useless left limb a dead give-away as I made my dismal search for tonights victim. It wasnt that I liked doing it; I didnt get any sort of perverse pleasure in surviving off the peril of others. But they say desperate times call for desperate measures, and theyre not far wrong. At least I tend to go for the real scumbags, the rapists and the murders, the corrupted- they deserve it, much more than the others. I shuffled down the choking deserted streets, all the same, a monotonous blur of loneliness and famine. I barely remember spotting him before the urge took over- some big thick lummox, violating a snivelling girl under the cover of a soiled alley. At first glance he threatened; bellowed until the moonbeam told me true and his expression turned from terror to tremor. I muttered sourly to myself as I left them rotting in the dank dark dumpster, licking the bits of flesh and blood and brain- a vile pudding- from my spidery fingers. I hadnt meant to kill her, but shed looked so appetising, sticky with the sweet metallic tang of blood above and below, choked and starved and wanting of mercy. Or so I told myself, to calm the demons wrapped round my skull. It was mercy. That was all. Well, at least the worst was over, my Hollywood hunt exhausted for the night. I was free to live, so long as I steered clear of the zealots and the head-hunters. An hour found me on the other side of town, rambling along desolate roads with the cats and rats for company. My dragging gait brought me in slow and cumbersome, but it brought me in all the same- here, in the heart of the QC, an ancient, rusted, but wonderfully functional arcade. Alone I plucked and played at squeaky joysticks and filthencrusted buttons, lost in the stench of grease and sweat and the other faint scents of adolescent sloth. But the hall ran deep and desolate and it ran deserted, a dull rainbow haze desperately clawing at the encroaching gloom. Like a prismatic beast it squelched and flashed, sharp sad beeps and blips piercing the night. Occasionally a high score

trumpeted into the still, a raucous metallic chortle rising above the moan and rattle of the alleys. The arcade was hollowed despite its attempts however, its locals- no, its occupants as they were- having long lost their soft fleshy vigour. Instead of squinting eyes and pimply fat jowls gibbering and slobbering at me I found dark curdled stares, slack creaking jaws, and emaciated accusations. I started as a hard chill closed around my wrist; looking down I found it to be the press of small frigid fingers, covered in a stickiness not entirely foreign to such young hands. Sorry, I thought as I brushed a wisp of webbish hair from the waning childish cheek. Im not a hero; Im more and more the monster every day. I cant save you little one. The orphans were more and more common since it happened, turned out on the street like so many rats to huddle around rotting bins, fishing for crumbs in the blighted parks. I hefted him up to the paddles, galled at his feathery weight and the looseness of his transparent skin. It wasnt much, but a moments relief, a garish chance to relinquish the pains of existence in this world- well, it was a coin well spent. Strained as it was, the laughter it bought was a most rare and precious purchase. Setting the squirming rat down to skitter away I scratched at my arm, skin wafting to the floor like pallid snowflakes. Food, play it eased, but it never satisfied. I lumbered out into the street again, in search of the one thing craved but couldnt capture. My father, rest his shade, would have been livid had he seen the way I hobbled down the slick pavement, eyes downcast in bleak stormy submission. Chin up boy, you got to keep a stiff shoulder and a sharp eye. A military man hed been, all dangerous edges and stolid glares with a jaw that never creased. Efficient man, brutal but swift; thought hed sired a replacement, a soldier ant to carry on the name. To his chagrin, he got a drone and a rogue drone at that, unwilling to bend to the dreary domestic ripple of the mundane. This ants got wings, Id tell myself. And I wasnt just going to soar, or scrape the heavens, no; I was going to break them. Call me a waste of space, call me a hopeless fanatic, but I was going to make them see, not with those fetid orbs but with something else, something tangential to sense and reason, some soft strong perception beyond the self. Father nearly boiled his fleshes when I told him, told him how I would never deign submit myself to the mindless farce of armed service but were to embark on a far more hazardous imperative. I could yet hear the tinge of contempt flaring the ends of his words, smell the anger-sweat, feel the brutish muggy breath swirling from his nostrils as he rammed my skull against the baseboard. College? School!? The army will pave your way into a proper profession like they did me, to serve this great land, and you just want to throw that all away? Philosophy? Philosophy is for queers, and Ill be damned if any son of mine is going to be a queer. He cuffed me then, again and again about the temples until I felt the clinging red warmth burning my eyes and swarming the folds in my pained face, dribbling down my neck and ears. I remember so vividly, the acrid smell and the way his face twisted as I smiled, that sordid masochistic grin Id give a million times again. Oh, father, havent you met my boyfriend? Reality jarred into me as a rock set itself firmly in my path, launching me into a helpless puddle and reminding me of what I was. Worse than vermin, I was feed for the scuttling packs. My shin scraped heavily against the grainy ground but I righted myself once more, and through a burst of sawdust and grime anchored myself- no, more as if I mired myself in the reeking haven. A single barkeep eyed me warily, pursuing his lips under a squirming mass of ragged, spindly hair, a thick caterpillar perched upon his face. It twitched when I nodded, shrank when I plopped myself down on the cracking, peeling

cushion. I dont want no trouble, you crazy git, he grunted. The caterpillar bustled. You make my customers nervous. Whats left of them, that is. Figure theydve locked you up by now, you sorry excuse for a menace. You can order seeing as Im desperate, but then you leave. Im serious. Take a hike, nutcase. He backed on his heels as I leaned, his unease creeping slowly across his face, setting the caterpillar to a nervous dance. I never spoke, but rather nodded at the tap, pointed to a packet of assuredly stale nuts, and slid more than an appropriate payment across the table. The barkeep huffed as he grabbed up the coins to hoard them away like some great hairy squirrel, grubby paws scrabbling wildly over the bar as he fetched my desires and distanced himself. Ironic, in that act he took away the only thing I really felt the need to ask for. Picking idly at the scaly mass of stains and scabbed lacquer I tilted my head at the nearest shying patron. Quaffing my fiery prize, I tossed the packet into the midst and watched them scatter, greasy hardened cockroaches all. Whats a guy got to do to get a little understanding around here? Weve all suffered; it should bind us together, not tear us apart. I grinned fiendishly at the glaring squirrel as I stood, my joints a chorus of creaks and groans. With a flick of departure, I sauntered into the muggy black. Come in dear, youll catch a death in all that rain! I remember her smell, warm and bright and everything of home. As austere as my father was, my mother was a beacon, a flare of colour against the greyscale. It was she who finally pushed me through as she always had, stuffed the last careful sandwich into the knapsack before shoving me out the door. They arranged themselves so cautiously about the door: father fuming darkly from the frame; sister and Jo whimpering from the doorstep; mother and Kellie waving in the taxis wake, tears poorly concealed behind pale fingers. Even then I knew Id never see them again, farewells were final and the world was waiting. University was a ramble, a melancholy fling- despite my search for something beyond, some dazzling rush of enlightenment; I was left unfulfilled and groping blindly for a nonexistent truth. The rest was an uninspiring affair- a bare graduation, a joyless job, the occasional empty relationship to quell the loneliness. But that always came back in the end, to my dismayalmost as if I found myself different, free and exempt from the laws of life. It cycled viciously; friends and lovers swirling about the soul, clouding the longing. And yet they always cleared, leaving me hollow and as deserted as the city park. It was languished and dismal, and its pungent squalor penetrated my reverie. I stared into the bleak for a few moments from a rotting bench, starting as a ghost shimmered into existence between the scarecrow trees. I nearly burst into laughter as the sniffling silhouette took a familiar form, and I only grimaced slightly as its tiny fingers wound their way innocently into my clayish grip. Silly mouse, lets take you back into the city. Did you follow me all the way from the arcade? Thats a long walk for such little legs. The child giggled sheepishly, allowing himself to be tugged along towards the nearest centre. Hed be secure once beyond the containment limits, but to get him there would be a hazardous dash. Damn the husks of the heart that once thumped so vitally in my chest, but I had to get him out of here. He didnt deserve this life, didnt earn it like we had, never paid in his time, his ignorance and sloth. We had to move quickly; we had to slide through the shift switch or we didnt stand a chance. Skimming the grimy backstreets, our fleeting footfalls marked a hurried cadence but raised no alarm. Our escape continued unhindered until we breached the first layer, the innermost line of defence the QC had to offer. The fortification, however, was not to

keep disaster out rather than in; this was the aptly titled Quarantine City, the root of the incident and thus, to forcibly unknowing civilians, the source of a looming epidemic. Our timing was sure by the starlight, and we slipped unchecked past the sleep-entranced delta control- or as we called it, the rookie regiment. The city defence was a series of concentric rings, each manned by a foot patrol and secured by heavily barricaded gates. Alpha, beta, gamma and delta they were- the barriers that locked us in tight, isolated us from the healthy population. Gamma and beta were a nervous squeeze but otherwise uneventful, and we floated to a tense pause as I peered over a short scraggly hedge and into the beast. Alpha control towered here, the greatest obstacle. We called it the Coroner- if her soldiers didnt incinerate you outright theyd bury you at her feet. We could smell the sulphur and smoke as we huddled behind one last row of verdant sentinels. They stood sombre, one last guardian to shelter us before we charged the fray. Drawing a rattling breath, I felt aflame with the taste of freedom which lingered just beyond that last gate. The biohazard barriers were splayed across the horizon, row upon row of giant hornets, stingers cocked and balanced precariously on the thin ledges. I pulled the child close, wavering voice croaking into his upturned ear. Remember, its a race! Run as fast as you can, and dont turn around or I win! Mere seconds awaited our flight, and my breath hardened in my throat as I tossed him through, screaming him ever faster over the deadly staccato. I watched with delight, with absolute hunger as the distance between us increased. I barely felt it as the first drone bore my skull open, grip still dripping with gore as he hammered his boot into my spine, flipping me with disdain, belly-up like a strung fish. I wriggled slightly, just enough to let me glance the inverted world one last time- there, I saw it, saw that frail hand encased in a heavy glove, heard the distant cooing of some matronly officer. Now, I dont really mind these few timeless moments as I lay here prone, the dirt pervading my nostrils and mouth with a natural essence- an earthly truth. I welcome it, welcome the sweet certainty. I barely hear the buzz, hear the goons garish guffaw as his big toe digs out a holding in my ribs; I dont feel the sting of his jabs nor smell the fearsweat of his quavering trainee as he eases the barrel between my jaws. I close my eyes and wait for it, thrilled in the fresh clean breeze brushing my lifeless brow. I hear his voice, thick and garbled, malevolent like some great toothy lizards hiss. See this, troop? Shot to the head, thats the only way to do em right. Teach you to eat brains, you filthy animal! Watch now, this heres how you kill a zombie!