God made man and then rested.

God made women and then no one rested

Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing?

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

sms joke
(21 - 40) Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut. For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

Funny SMS
Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take ur foot of his head.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

sms quotes
Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

There was a Russian a Cuban an American and a lawyer on a train. The Russian started the conversation with "Mother Russia has the best vodka ever and we have so much we can just throw it away." So the Russian throws a bottle out the window. Then the Cuban speaks up "Cuba has the best cigars and we have so much we could throw them away." So the Cuban throws some cigars out the window. Well the American doesnt say a single thing but gets up and walks over to the lawyer and throws him out the window.

A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd."

What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai. Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai! Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena