JUNIOR HIGH NEWSLETTER

The Beat
APRIL 2009
SATURDAY SCHOOL
PLANNED IN APRIL
BY AVERY COPLIN

<His house

MR. JOSEPHSON IS
BECOMING A HOBO

TEACHERS SELL HIGH

SUGAR ITEMS TO
STUDENTS
Pg. 4
Check out the new look of The Beat!
 JUNIOR HIGH NEWSLETTER QUOTE OF THE MONTH

The Beat “We can be gay together!!!!!”

-Ms. Coplin, talking about being
happy, and NOTHING ELSE!

BREAKING APRIL 2009

NEWS!
Next year the Bethel Regional High School will have a football
3- News briefs team. The school had a very generous donation from a lady in

FEATURES
Texas. She donated $5,683,154 for a new football field, football
uniforms, and football accessories. The team’s name will be the
Bethel Warriors, just like all the other teams. The warriors will
play Barrow, a lot of 3A teams in Anchorage, and play Mat-Su
Valley 3A teams also. Try outs will be held in the beginning of
August 23rd, 2009. Football season will be from September till
the begining of December. Regions will be in Bethel on Janurary
14th to January 16th.If the Warriors make it to State, State will be
at the Sullivan Arena on Febuary 10th to Febuary 14th. So try out
so that the Bethel Warriors will have a winning season and win
Mr. Josephson is state. - Charles Strickland
leaving, he’s becom-
ing a homeless
person.
Pg.4

5 - TEACHERS AND
SUGAR
Teachers caught selling candy.

8 -PHOTOS
Some pretty awesome pics.


NEWS IN
Breaking news!
BRIEF
Mysterious Life Form Discovered In Honey Bucket Lake!
A mysterious life form was spotted last week by Gregory Carlson and several other less important
witnesses. The creature, according to Carlson, was tall, 8 to 10 feet tall. Reports from other witnesses
also acknowledged it bearing resemblance between a man and salmon.
“At first I thought I must have eaten something funky last night,” says Carlson. “As soon as people
started screaming and taking pictures, I knew that it was real.”
A local scientist says this may be pao-strous, the missing link between man and fish. The Creature
has since been reported escaping capture from fishers by squeezing through an ice fishing hole, and
hasn’t been seen since.
Mr. Hagedorn Replaces Mrs. Waiserski As Jr. High Reading and Writing.
Due to stress, hard work, and Charles Strickland, Mrs. Waiserski has had a mental breakdown. As a
replacement, Mr. Hagedorn he’s now official 7th grade reading/writing teacher.
“I was quite surprised when the job was offered to me,” Said Mr. Hagedorn.
Due to Mr. Hagedorn taking Mrs. Waiserski’s job, ISS students will stay in prison, as punishment in-
stead, until a new In School Suspension enforcer can be found.
Mrs. Waiserski is currently in Bethel Springs Asylum, with a bed by the window.
Vending Machine Goes To Far, Resulting In Students Death!!!
The vending machine by the microwaves always felt under appreciated, never getting the thanks for
the work it did, never getting a thank you, or even a job well done, which may have been the reason it
stole money.
But last week, the vending machine took it too far. One of the students just wanted a drink after NYO,
something to refresh him. When the vending machine ate his $, that was the last straw in its career. He
began slamming his body against it in frustration, in a attempt to get his money’s worth, not expect-
ing retaliation.
As if by magic (which is a poor explanation) or by some divine power (but since where in school, the
law of separation of church and state prevents that), the vending machine unplugged itself, fell over,
and crushed the life of our beloved Jesse Klejka. TB


 COVER STORY

HE HAD THE
CHOICE
between homeless-
ness in Hawaii and
teaching BRHS stu-
dents. What did he
choose? Homeless-
ness or BRHS stu-
dents? Read on the
next page.

Mr. Josephson
Mr. Josephson is leaving BRHS. He is leaving and choosing
homelessness in Hawaii over teaching BRHS students.


 Not too long ago, Mr. Josephson had a choice to make. He had a
choice between teaching BRHS students, or living as a homeless person
in Hawaii. What did he choose? He chose to leave BRHS at the end of
this year and go be homeless in Hawaii. HAVE AN EMPTY
The Beat recently spoke to him.
THE BEAT: Why are you leaving?
MR. JOSEPHSON: There’s this kid named Charles Strickland; you PASSPORT?
may know him. I just can’t handle him. I can’t risk teaching him next
year in one of my high school classes.
TB: Is he the only reason you are leaving BRHS?
MR. J: For the most part, yes. He is constantly a disruption in class.
Yelling out in class, cracking your mom jokes, and a few others things
that would lower my self-esteem if I mentioned them…
TB: We’ll stay out of your personal life.
MR. J: Okay.
TB: Thanks for your time.
MR. J: You’re welcome.
Mr. Josephson also told The Beat that he is going to live in a tent
on a piece of property he owns in Hawaii. TB
_________________________________________________________

ISS STUDENTS START TO DISAPPEAR

By Nate Sidell
ISS students start to disappear; meanwhile, the school
has an over abundance of meat.
A strange disappearance of students sent to In-School-
Suspension, or ISS, have suddenly vanished, leaving no trance Do you have an empty
what-so-ever. Mr. Hagedorn, the ISS person, says that he has no
idea where the students are. “I would step out of the room for a 3rd quarter passport?
minute and when I came back in, everyone was gone.” he replied, Do you have a passport
somewhat glad that he has no students to look after. The police say
that they have no leads on where the students have gone. “It really that is completely empty
is perplexing, this case,” the chief says. “It really does appear the
students have disappeared into thin air.”
from the third quarter? If
Meanwhile, as police and teachers puzzle on what happened so, bring it to the office
to the ISS students, the BRHS cafeteria started serving weird, but
good-tasting food. Students say that they have no idea what the food and they will give you a
is. “It tastes weird, like chicken almost,” says an anonymous student, prize.
“but it tastes really good.” The school lunch menu says “mystery
meat” for it, so people have no idea what it is. The meat looked like
a cross between beef and chicken. The cook refuses to comment on
this topic. He does say though, that he has had an over-abundance of
meat from a unknown supplier. What will the mystery meat turn out
to be? Only time will tell. TB

More NEWS!!! 
 Teachers and Sugar
Mr. Husa, Mr. Cronk, and Mr. Cuvelier
have been selling sugary items such as
Red Bull, candy bars, and soda.

By Ona Springie

This year two anonymous students were rummaging through Mr. Cronk’s closet and made a shocking
discovery.
An anonymous source told the Beat that they got some high sugar candies and soda from Mr.
Cuvelier and Mr. Husa during their homeroom classes. Sources say that they discovered 3000 bars of
candy and soda while rummaging through Mr. Cronk’s closet. We recently learned that Mr. Cronk was
selling candy and soda to the two of the teachers for some extra cash. They said that they were buying
school books with the money which of course was false since investigators found over $1000 in cash lying
around in a shoe box that said candy money. Later that day Detective Mick was at the scene. Mick says that
all of the money was all used on Red Bull and Snickers. Lately around a 100 Red Bull energy drinks were
sold to only junior high students. All of the rest were sold to high schoolers, staff and faculty. The reason
we know this information is that we happened to find a list of all the buyers and now the district office has
banned Snickers and Red Bull from all of the schools.

POLICE PHOTOS


Deer Newpaper

Letters
Weee techers are complining about stuudents bad speling and grhamar.,.. Weee
are sik and tird of corecting stuudents bad speling errres. Thay nevr du anythign to
corct it. Wii hav to giv dem detention to get theem to gett chng I t. WE CNT tAK it
anmore. Iff vay waunt tu git a gud jub lk teechin the well hav lern prper speling a=nd
gud gramher. Iff thay wunt to bi aceptered intu suciety they guing tu hav smarticlal.
And tu bcome smarticlal they guing tu hav to hav gud speling and gudest gramher.
Wee ned 2 teech gud ejukaushun.COReC th SPLINg!!!!!!!!\
From,
The Junior high reading and Writing TeecHers


PHOTO PAGE

It’s former president, George Bush! Wait, no- it’s Dang- Mr. Hayes has been working out!
Avery Coplin.

THE BEAT
Is published by the junior high classes. Articles and comments are welcome.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF-MITCHELL FORBES
EDITOR-NATE SIDELL
CONTRIBUTORS- Jesse Klejka, Auna Springer, and Charles Strick land
JUNIOR HIGH NEWSPAPER CLUB- Avery Coplin, Mitchell Forbes, Jesse Klejka,Autumn Miller, Patrick
Nagasiak, Nate Sidell, and Wyatt White.