Oct. 08 Vol.

1 Issue 2
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Because 1929 Just Wasn’t Good Enough

Prepare yourselves; the end is nigh
If you spend an hour with my
father, he’ll tell you a lot of
his life story. He has two
teenagers, is a widower, retired ten
years ago and now has a nice job selling
real-estate. Look at his house and
you’ll see the quintessential American
Dream – a large house, several T.V.s, a
boat, a Toyota Camry and enough pre-
packaged food to last for…a while. But
look closer and you’ll see something
else – a large vegetable garden, a
freezer full of home-grown or hunted
meat, and a pantry shelf full of canned
beans, applesauce, preserves, and fruit.
Growing up, I thought my father’s
stories silly and, admittedly, irrelevant.
The product of the great depression,
they were nothing like those I heard at
other people’s houses. He didn’t talk
about the big game of ’81, or of work-
ing to buy his first car. Rather, he remi-
nisced of a simpler time, when people
did their best with what they had. My
father learned to drive on a Model-A.
He had one pair of overalls each year
for school (purchased with funds se-
cured raising cucumbers or picking ber-
ries). He remembers Roosevelt’s CCC
bringing power to rural Onalaska in
middle school, and using the Sears Roe-
buck catalog for toilet paper (nobody
could afford the real stuff…ya just use
the soft pages first).
I always hated that we couldn’t use
credit cards, rarely ate
out, never had new
cars, and were chas-
tised for shopping at
the Bon Marché (“We-
Don’t-Live-In-Debt”
my father would say
through gritted teeth to
my mother, much his
younger and a self de-
clared “Shopper”). But Used without permission from Vanity Fair
last week, when I saw
that my Apple shares had fallen (now thing will be fine, I suggest you figure
over 100 points), it all made sense. (For out a way to feed yourself. Maybe buy
those of you English majors, when you a gun. Learn to quilt or knit or some-
have 200 shares x $100 is like $22 g’s). thing…I hear winters during the De-
Frantic, I called my dad. “What if we pression were hard. Go to your local
lose all our money?!” I demanded. As dairy and learn to milk a cow. Stock up
if the uncertainty of being 20 and in on knowledge wherever you can find it:
college weren’t enough, now I had to the Bible, Out of the Dust, Grapes of
worry about my financial future. Wrath, etc.
“We’ll be fine,” he reassured, as I guess in the end, though, after
though this weren’t the absolute worst we’ve lost our retirement pensions,
thing that could happen. “It’s not like it can’t afford PLU, and are unable to find
will be the Great Depression.” work (ie: when worst comes to worse),
But what if it is? What then Dad? we can rest easy knowing that we have
What if this isn’t the Great Depression, toilet paper…or at worst the soft yellow
but the Greater Depression? My dad and white pages of the phone book. Oh
feels secure because he has some land yea, and our dads, boyfriends, and
to till and knows he can survive. But brothers aren’t being killed, rescuing
survival is not my lifestyle. Comfort is, Jews from Hitler’s Holocaust, or nuking
and always has been, the name of my innocent Asians. p
game. Out and About – Ali Bee.
So what are we to do in such uncer- Support American Industry.
tain times? While my dad says every- Buy Made in USA! Z

Here’s the New Deal:

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♦ The More Assets the Better...looks like you’ll be
keepin’ that old useless psych book after all.
♦ Dams mean jobs….F*€k the Salmon.
♦ More kids mean more workers...think of all the
money you can save on birth control!
♦ Diversification is no longer effective. Instead, try
portfolio loading...or just stealing.
♦ That squirrel you so adore...how else do you plan to
feed your family?
♦ If all else fails, start WWIII. It worked last time...plus
its great for women who’ve always wanted a factory
job!
Recommended Resources:
♦ Grapes of Wrath, John Steinbeck
♦ Seabiscuit (The Movie)
♦ The Bible...pay particular attention to the plights of
the disenfranchised Israelites
♦ Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingles Wilder
♦ Out of the Dust
♦ Animal Farm, George Orwell
♦ Wizard of Oz
♦ Quilting for Dummies
♦ Mein Kampf, Hitler (Hey, it worked for Germany!)
Bottom Line: How much has this cost Americans?
This last week (10/10/08) investors lost $2.4
trillion, and over the last year- $8.4 trillion
What Went Wrong:
Plan A: Aug. 2007, Federal Government freely lends to
banks in order to help them out with faulty loans and lend-
ing. e.g. cash is now harder to come by. Plan B: Fall 2007,
The Fed. lowers interests rates (did you know the Fed. Re-
serve is privately owned by four wealthy families? WTF?!)
Plan C: Spring 2008, Those nice “stimulus” checks? I bet you
were the only one who DIDN’T use it to pay off credit cards
or put in the bank, huh? (p.s. Thanks for the money, China!
Too bad we beat you in the Olympics…) Plan D: Case-by-
case forced mergers, liquidations, and nationalization of
financial Institutions. RIP: AIG, Bear Stearns, Washington
Mutual, etc. Plan E: Bush’s $700 Billion plan to buy up all
foreclosed property and to keep all national banks from col-
lapsing. Still kicking out the poor from their homes (1 in 8
every day), but at least execs can still spend $440,000 on
company retreats. Source: USAToday.com