You are on page 1of 7



Thank you so much for taking the time to read my message. I am extremely desperate and I don't know where else to turn. Its a very long message, but please bear with me, I promise you wont be wasting your time. I am not going to say its a "life or death" situation, because it's not....but it is pretty close, so any help would be greatly appreciated. I am not sure where to start..... Well my name is Mikayla, I am 22 years old and I am so deeply in love with my ex-boyfriend Dru. Not need based, afraid to be alone, wants attention kind of love, but true unconditional love that I FEEL, not think about. He broke up with me on April 6th, and I have cried every single day since then. I have tried everything to stop loving him, to forget about him, to carry on with my life, meet other people...I have tried everything!!! I have tried 'deleting' him from my life but nothing seems to work and now it seems that I love him even more! I have seen so many signs on a daily basis encouraging me to continue loving him, but I also see signs of evil and disharmony. Things just dont make sense; they FEEL wrong, like a gut instinct that wont go away. I am reaching out to you because I know you can help me, or maybe can speak to someone who can I live in New Jersey so I am open to meet up, although I dont have a lot of money to spend. I know that, if it is not the will of the universe, than asking for it will create entropy. sending out the energy of "Dru loves me and wants to be with me" when he doesn't love me, and doesn't want to be with me will create entropy and contribute to the 3D energies because it is not the way it should be, not what the universe wants...but I strongly FEEL and KNOW that Dru still loves me, despite what he tells me and himself (he actually has said he still does but then changes his mind). I believe in live and let live, but I also believe that Where there is LOVE, there is no question. So I wont give up, and living without love isnt really living at all. In a documentary called The Awakening by Max Igan (one I tried to get Dru to pay attention to, but he just slept instead) Max Igan says that "The way to unlock these higher senses is to understand the one law that governs this reality. There is only one law and that is the law of absolute and unconditional love and service to the creation for the creator. Evil is doing in practice the opposite of what you should be doing in principle. The reason is simple: disharmony is a result. What is thought of is evil is quite simply the presence of disharmony through acting in opposition to the one law." That is exactly whats going on here: pure evil. Please believe me when I say I have REALLY tried to move on but I just cant! My heart aches every day we are apart; it literally hurts (making it very hard to forget about all this). Being in love with someone who treats me like he hates me has been affecting my health significantly in many ways. I have been in this situation before, but it was nothing like this at all. I have had depression all my life but its never been like this. In the past, I was always in my head thinking about everything that was going on in my life; I was making myself depressed with my thoughts. I would think about how lonely/sad I was and would cry. Now I have moved to my heart and listen to it instead. My heart speaks to me and I feel

whats right and whats wrong and whats true and whats false. Well, I feel my heart is broken, I feel its pain and it physically now, that is why I cry. My heartache is manifesting in my reality. My health is deteriorating. I have gone from 132 pounds to 109 pounds in a month or so. I have had so many anxiety attacks since we broke up, even one in the shower, just form thinking about this horrible situationthats why its important for me not to think about it at all and focus on my feelings because thinking about it makes me physically sick. I am never hungry and always forget to eat. I can maintain a cheery mood, smile and keep up with hygiene (unlike my past bouts of depression), but I still lack any motivation to do anything at all besides sleep. I clean and exercise everyday only to distract myself and occupy my time. I try my best to be positive, to better myself and to enlighten myself, but I just want to give up. I wish I could just sleep for a few months because dealing with this is getting to be way too much, way too overwhelming and way too painful. My heart has been acting very strange ever since the breakup. It will start beating really fast even though I am relaxing or lying in bed trying to sleep. I have been having heart palpitations and general heart pain (like a tightness in chest, and it's not heartburn). I am only 22 but I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. I am a healthy person; the only thing wrong with me is that I have a severely broken heart. The heart pain has only been this bad since we broke up. I do my best to not think about it, I promise. I dont want to feel this way but I feel the heartache in my chest and it reminds me. That is why this is kind of a life or death situation. I know Dru still loves me, he told me so, but theres something getting in the wayhis ego or maybe something more, maybe something evil and dark. He is not even the same person he used to be, he physically looks different and he acts different. You can even see how his physical appearance has changed when you compare pictures! I have been trying to "clean the mirror and spread the light" as a yogi would. I have been doing really well with cleaning my I need help with spreading the light to this man I love so dearly so unconditionally. He needs the light Dr. Kathryn that is why I am reaching out to you. You asked who needs light? well we do. Dru and I desperately need light. There is something dark going on here and we need to shed the light on it. I fear Dru and I wont be able to continue on the ascension to 5D earth because we arent living in love, there is something getting in the way. As a light worker I feel that I need to help bring the light to Dru otherwise I am being disharmonious and evil, going against my beliefs. but I have failed! He wont talk to me anymore and he doesnt want my help. He has shut me out completely and plans to change his phone number so I cant contact him. I just dont know what to doits not like I am harassing him or being out of controlhe is being stubborn and unrealistic, and so very subjective. I am starting to believe Dru, believe that I am psycho and that I am just making all this up. I want to respect his wishes and just leave him alone but it doesnt feel right! I dont have a job, dont go to school, dont have friends and I dont have a social life. Every day I work on myself. I read books, I go to websites like yours and, I watch documentaries and short clips on youtube, I meditate, I do chakra work almost every day, I carry my chakra crystals everywhere, I right love on everything. I try to spread the light to my family too but they are so much

more receptive than Dru and are on the right path. I am a good, kind, loving, selfless person and there is no real reason for Dru to cut me out of his life completely. I havent done anything wrong and I havent done anything to hurt him. I have tried to be social and to rekindle old friendships, move on but it just seemed false. I dont want to hang out with those 3d people. I dont want to go to a bar just to drink so I can tell myself I am having fun. Loving Dru fulfills me in so many ways. Loving Dru drives me to be a better person and to work on myself (clean the mirror, spread the light), it feels so good to love him and it makes me so happy (although its starting to weigh on me now). Notice I am not saying Dru loving me, whether he loves me or not isnt important. The problem here is that he wont even be my friend or talk to me. He wont let me love him and he wont accept my love. I would respect his decision and leave him alone forever if I believed he really didnt love me, if I believed he was happier without me, if I thought it was fair to completely push someone out of your life because the relationship was challenging. I was a devoted and loving girlfriend to Dru for almost three years, and I dont deserve to be cast out like this because we had a tumultuous relationship- he really blames me for everything. He promised me we would always be friends because he is all I have, and he hasnt kept that promise. Trust me, I have dealt with all this before and its very different this a spiritual way; if that makes any sense to you. Its not me, I can move on, I have moved on from everything in my life that wasnt pure, unconditional love but I just cannot give up on Dru. I am only 22 but I have been through a lot. I have been in a 4 year relationship with a paranoid schizophrenic who beat me, broke my bones, raped me all the time, and tried to kill me twice. I do believe he was possessed or something close to it, because I could see his eyes turn all black and his facial features change when he would get violent. He went to jail for two years, now he is out living down the street from me. I loved that man too but I was able to get over the horrible experiences I had with him, get mostly over my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I eventually fell out of love with him (after Dru and I had already been together). Oh, and dont worry Dru is not physically abusive or violent at all. I have had depression my whole life and I self-inflicted almost every day from age 12-20. I have tried to kill myself two or three times and have almost died due to lack of self-love and reckless behavior more times than I can count, I have had week long stays in psych wards and I went to community college during a lot of this (and graduated); but I was able to overcome all those hardships. I got over all those things and I am truly happy for the first time since childhood, since programming. I even love myself for the first time! I have gotten over and moved on from all those things but this is different. None of those hardships (no, not even looking into my lovers eyes while he choked the life out of me) compare to what I am dealing with now. Another reason I say this is life or death is because I just don't know how I can live like this!! My suicidal thoughts are coming back. I have a therapist, so dont worry. I even considered checking into the psych ward (which are just horrible, useless places) just to distract myself and keep myself safe. Because I am very sad, heartbroken sometimes depressed about Dru; I feel like my electromagnetic energy output (like the milli-volt range) is too low so that's why my love and my loving/positive energy doesn't affect

him. His anger and denial are too strong for my weak, but loving energy to have any effect on him. I need someone stronger and happier to bring Dru the light. So, please take me seriously and please help us. This is the love of my life and there is something seriously sinister messing with us. I know I am on the right path, I see the signs all the time but now I have scared and stressed out Dru enough that he has pushed me away completely. Now there is nothing more I can do. I need help and guidance, possibly from a higher being. I need some other way to bring the light to Dru, because I cant talk to him or hang out with him anymore. My ex-boyfriend Dru is terrified of emotions and expressing them. He is a Capricorn and also ENTP. I am very emotional (over emotional now since I have been taking on Dru's suppressed emotions), and that is the main reason he broke up with me. I am a Scorpio with Libra tendencies (birthday is October 23) and I am ENFP. So you see we are exactly alike in some ways, and complete opposites in just ONE way I contribute my feelings to the relationship (F) and he contributes the thinking (T)like we should balance each others male/female energies. I think we are a perfect match. I definitely feel we are soul mates or something similar. I know I asked for him subconsciously and he came into my life at just the right time: he saved me and encouraged me to become who I am today. There are positive signs everywhere, but now I wonder whether they are positive signs at all. They seem like they are encouraging me to not give up, to keep on loving Dru and to continue to clean my mirror so I can spread the light to him and others. Mostly the signs are the synchronistic times (or numbers) all day everyday...but especially when I am thinking of/dealing with/talking about or to Dru. There are signs everywhere, every day, in everything. I will literally see 1:11 2:22 3:33 4:44 5:55 etc.I have even started seeing 22:22 and 23:23 because I use military time. It scares me a little. I have always seen synchronistic times but now its just numbers in general (not even on a clock) everywhere and anywhere there are numbers. I just dont know what it means and its not helping. It is often associated with Dru so I am constantly wondering what it all means. I find myself saying, out loud Well what does it all mean then? Love Dru or stay away? Thanks for the numbers, but I dont know what they mean! It used to be encouraging but now, because things have gotten worse, its just frustrating and disheartening. Maybe the signs are telling me to give up? They FEEL positive though. When Dru and I were taking the 16 hour drive to and from Chillicothe, Illinois for a music festival I saw many synchronistic times and pointed them out to Dru. We left at 10:10 and also I we saw exit 333 when I was talking about something 'spiritual'. I felt like every song that played had lyrics that expressed what I wanted to express to Dru. It was like every song that came on seemed to be helping me try to get thru to Dru. I feel like he noticed this but tried to shut it out by trying to sleep. If he was driving, he would put a comedy radio station on so as to not hear the relevant song lyrics! What does it all mean? and why always associated with Dru? All these signs seem positive, not what should I do? I have pretty much failed and am about to lose Dru forever, he doesnt want anything to do with me... so why all the signs?! They arent helping me and they just make me upset and frustrated now because I just don't know what to do except keep enlightening myself and hoping that making myself better will help/inspire Dru to do the same. But he will never see how much light and love I can emanate if he never sees me again :(

What I feel is going on with Dru is that his ego (and possibly a dark entity) is so afraid of me, it sees me as a threat, so it does everything subconsciously to convince Dru that he doesnt want to be with me anymoreand that is the reason why he broke up with me: his ego. In fact, I know thats whats going on because he has made it all clear in conversation. He says he still has feelings for me, but that he doesnt like to express himself and he wants everything just to be easy, happy and pleasant all the time. He basically is saying he doesnt want to deal with the shadow aspects of life. He would rather deny and suppress every emotion because its easier that way. He broke up with me only because our relationship is too difficult and it threatens his ego. If we stay together and love each other unconditionally, his out of control ego will die. I just cant get through to him, his denial system and ego are far too strong and I am far too heart broken and weak to do anything affective (believe me, I have tried). I need divine intervention or a deus ex machina He doesn't want to put the time and effort into facing his shadow aspects, expressing his feelings (or even HAVING feelings), looking at things objectively and not subjectively, admitting he is wrong about many things and changing his thoughts and behaviors accordingly-he is too afraid and has no motivation to do so. The crazy thing is Dru has actually helped me to do ALL those things which lead to my awakening, and its my turn to help him do the same thing, but he is too resistant. I am a better person today because of him, well not better, but healed I am who I should be. I am who I was before the programming. I am LOVE! and this transition would not have taken place if it wasnt for Dru and his love for me. I am all about emotions, feelings and being expressive and I think that is his biggest fear in life, he sees it as being crazy and weak. He acts like expressing oneself is not acceptable in society, he is always concerned about what other people will think and is embarrassed of me for being open and expressive of my feelings. He hates when I cry, not because I am upset but because I am expressing my feelings. He thinks I cry on purpose just to be annoying and that I dont have to do it. He will do anything to not have to acknowledge his feelingshe would rather break up with someone he loves instead of looking within and facing this life challenge. He took the easy way out! He calls me psycho but I feel like he is the crazy one! How can I get him to see the truth, see the light, feel it? How can I help him to open his eyes, and then open his third eyeto lift the veil? How? Is he too far gone? I firmly believe in be the change you want to see, but can I really help him by just uplifting myself and not probing him and making him think about those shadow aspects? I feel like truth and action are necessary to make a difference. The way he got me to look within was to be honest and upfront with me, but how can I probe someone who has pushed me away completely, who wont talk to me? When I am around him, I feel this negativity and annoyance radiating off every fiber of his being so strongly. I pick up on it so easily and it has a significant and negative affect on me. Its very hard to keep my cool when I feel his energy, its like Im reading his mind and what I read hurts my feelings. I then act hurt based on the vibrations Im getting from him but he feels he hasnt done anything at all because he doesnt understand about frequency, energy and vibration. He has such a bad impression of me but he doesnt see how he perpetuates my negative behavior with his negative energy. I just want to love him and be happy but hes subconsciously not allowing it, and he thinks its my fault. I have no clue why he gives off such negative energy when I am around him.

I know you're not a marriage counselor but I feel like I need to give a back story for you to understand the situation and also, to take me seriously. I started writing at 11 and it is now almost 7, so please take that into consideration when you decide if you want to spend time on this or not. I feel like what is happening with Dru and I really is EVIL! He loves me, but because our relationship is too much work he is being mean and suppressing his love and feelings. The way Dru treats me and the pain I am experiencing from heartbreak is starting to take a toll on me...I find myself thinking love doesnt really exist. That everything I have believed in since I have "woken up" has been a lie. I have even been having suicidal thoughts again. I cry out at night, hands together in prayer to mother/father god, to anyone listening: "If Dru doesnt want to love me, if he doesnt want my love, if he doesnt want to spend time with me or be a part of my life then whats the point of me loving him so much??? Its just hurting me now! Please I dont want to love him anymore!!" I beg and plead for my love for him to go away but I just feel like it grows! This is evil! Two people who love each other like we do should be together. If the one law is love, then why isnt the universe letting me love Dru? Dru is being disharmonious by denying his love to me because he doesnt want to have to be objective, look within, and express his feelings and its causing me to be disharmonious. That is why I reach out to you. I feel like there is something creating this's not me! Our break up and my heartache are contributing to the 3D reality and the dualistic energy. Its like something doesn't want Dru and I to be together because the loving reality we would create would be so strong that it would have a significant effect on the raising energies and against the 3d reality and the dark cabal. When I thought about it that way, that's when I realized that maybe Dru and I have some negative, evil entities attached to us doing everything in their power to kill our love. I saw a post about Lucifer and dark entities it really resonated with me but I did my best to forget about it, knowing that it was beyond me. But I cant deny it any longer: it makes perfect sense and its beginning to remind me of my schizophrenic ex-boyfriend which scares me! I have always had a special insight, special gifts since I was a child, but I have also had depression since I was a child. I have had a lot of sadness in my life and I have been at a low, depressed energy most for most of it. I just know I was the perfect host for some (or many?) evil entities and now they have attached to Dru. In fact my mom told me recently that my dad would frequently see dark shadows around me: I never knew. I am a light worker but it took me until age 22 to truly see the light. Well, when I saw the light it seems that it was because the dark entity had left me and attached itself to Dru, who was actually beginning to experience symptoms of awakening but not anymore. Now he is a completely different person. The main reason I am emailing you is because I truly believe there are evil entities at work here doing everything they can to keep Dru and I from loving each other. I know that my love wont do anything against these dark forces. I know he still loves me deep down because I feel it, because he has told me and because I am constantly seeing signs convincing me its so. Dru and I together, loving each other unconditionally would create a lot of powerful love energy and I think it would have a significant positive affect on the increasing energies. We are a threat to the dark cabal together so there is something keeping us apart. Apart, we contribute the 3d dualistic reality.

Please, please help. I have spent all day working on this message to you. Please get back to me as soon as possible, its really that dire. My email is and my phone number is (732)614-8770. If you feel like a meeting is in order, I doubt I could get Dru to participate but I do get my disability check on June 3rd and live in New Jersey, so its no problem to get to New York. If you would need any additional info, please let me know. I am very open to sharing! Thanks again for taking the time out to read this. It means so much to me and I am so so very glad for Anne for the Hollow Earth Network otherwise I would not have found you and your site and would not have been enlightened with so much helpful information.

Thank you Dr. Kathryn May. I hope to hear from you soon! Mikayla Winfield