BLAZER

The Day that Gmail Fell Silent The year was 1844, back in the glory days of the school, when you didnt have to wait more that 5 minutes for lunch in the LD; a time when you got the weekly schedule right when the previous week ended. A young Barbara Beecroft ruled over the email system (then comprised of carrier pigeons) diligently and compassionately. One week, the carrier pigeon didnt arrive though. Panic quickly gripped the student body, and everyone went on FaceBook (which at this point was literally just a book with peoples faces in it) to find out what day it was. No one knew though, and without structure to their lives, these students quickly lost all sense of the IB learner profile and grew angry, destroying all in their wake, leading to the destruction of the school and the recontruction of the new school on its present campus. since that traumatic experience, Ms. Beecroft has been scared to set foot in the school since, and so operates the weekly schedule from a remote location in Siberia.

UCCs Humor Publication written by people who think theyre way funnier and spookier than they actually are.

Halloween approacheth, and usually, when we traverse this schools halls, we only think of that one kid who always touches every single apple outside the Poondawgs office (you know who you are, Jonathan Shammas), and embodying the IB Learner Profile. However, this school that we call school has a much, much darker past, and Blazer has made it its number one priority to find out these dark secrets that the institution has hidden from us. So, without further ado, the deepest and darkest and also spookiest-cuz-its-Halloweenand-we-thought-it-would-be-cool-if-we-had-an-over-arching-theme-for-this-issue-of-Blazer secrets of UCC. The Hallway of Doom Billy McBillyson was always a good boy. He actually freewrote during our freewrites in English, and used his laptop for the forces of good and not evil. However, fate had a different plan for him. One day, he found himself at school late at night, under the assumption that they cant deduct the 10% from you if you havent left school for the night yet, when he heard a shining light. It was coming from a hallway that hed never been in. He had passed it many a time to French class, but never really taken much notice of it. He had heard rumours of the hallway, but dismissed them, and so he traversed into the unknown, carrying nothing but his USB with Age of Empires III on it, which was totally the new fad. No one heard from Timmy- I mean Billy, sorry, its really late right now, I shouldnt have been watching Breaking Bad earlier - Again. Some say he fell into one of Terry Ds beartraps, and others merely say he ran away, from the horrors of the IB program. Some even say they hear his whispers for help in the halls, and few have even heard him outline the benefits of the ThinkAhead campaign for the greater community. If only little Billy had thought ahead. Poor, poor Billy. Green Energy Run Red with Blood Upper Canada College takes much pride in its green energy program, and spends 4 batrillionzillion dollars a year to stay away from unrenewable sources of energy. This green energy helps power the entire Upper and Lower schools, but at what costs? Did you know that the energy that we use to charge our computers (if we can find that kid who has the charger) is powered by Y1s. Yes, Y1s. That boiler room in the basement that you always see maintenance going into sketchily across from Howards is full of row-upon-row of oversized hamster wheels, with Y1s running in them, using LD pizza and Skittles hung above their heads for motivation. The Y1s run, day in and day out. Its what powers the school. But one day, the operation came to a halt, when the Y1s staged an uprising. This led to the poweroutage that we used to skip Econ. After suffering heavy losses, we regained control of the Y1s. The machine continues to run.

Romeo and Juliet Die.

If weve offended you with this issue of blazer, were sorry. Please send all hatemail to blazer@ucc.on.ca if you want to join our team, email us too. -xoxo, BS
Top 5 Dress Code Infractions Lets face it: We all have those days when were a little too tired from the night before (*cough* last minute ToK essays *cough*), and forget a little bit of our dress code! Here at Blazer, we took note of all of the things that people forget, and compiled a list of the top 5 dress code infractions. Check it out: 5) Untucked shirt - If youre gonna get in trouble, at least dont be so boring about it. Like, come on dude! 4) White socks - The bane of my existance. To avoid, either wear long pants or bring a bucket of black paint wherever you go. 3) No tie - A common occurence, expecially among those whose Mommy didnt do up their tie that morning, and the thick necked. 2) Dressed too nice - Trust us. Weve seen this before. Sometimes the gym teachers are a little jealous youre outdoing their tracksuits. 1) Triple wide scoop neck sweaters - We know, we know. You look incredible in these. Were legally obligated (dont hurt me Mr. Kawasoe) to tell you not to wear these to school, but how can we stop perfection? Popular Girls Costumes for Halloween Sexy nurse, sexy vampire, sexy cat, sexy mouse, sexy police officer, sexy cowgirl, sexy scientist, sexy bunny, sexy minnie mouse, sexy sailor, sexy sailor moon, sexy pirate, sexy maid, sexy angel, sexy firefighter, sexy devil, sexy princess, sexy wonder woman, sexy catwoman, sexy Cleopatra, sexy sargeant, sexy witch, sexy mermaid, sexy stewardess, sexy santa, sexy viking, sexy bulmblebee, sexy stereotypical native American, sexy watermelon, sexy lemon wedge, sexy Giggles the clown, sexy ogre, sexy boulder, sexy gorilla, sexy Puff the magic dragon, sexy 2Chainz, sexy octopus, sexy hairy and overweight man, sexy meth addict, sexy BlackBerry Playbook, sexy papercut, sexy knee-scab, Mr. Kawasoe. Headlines Mr. Crawford denies all allegations that he is Mr. Clean With release of the iPad Mini, Apple is to release a larger version of the iPad; the iMaxiPad Presidential debates to be closed with a rap battle moderated by Ice Cube RG3 impresses fans with his ability to make losing look good Cam Newton extremely jealous HL physics student hospitalized after a 2-day lab-writing marathon Y1 eaten by ghost of IB1s social life Pizza in LDH classified as new food group Sobriety theme for next Stewards dance Frybrook boarder beats Felix Baumgartners world record Ian PL fails IB HL Art project after Ms. Krstich hates binders full of women Human body wins lawsuit against Apple about patent on retina display Student suspended for dressing up as pointy-headed ghost for Halloween

Blazer challenges iDiv Times to dodgeball

Woah! Another page of Blazer?! Yeah, dont get used to it though. I just got into Breaking Bad and Im for sure not going to have any free time to do this regularly. So youre welcome.

The Many Poses of Akash Pasricha aka that guy who yells out YEAH BUDDY in assembly