HAPPY MOUNTAIN

An Epitaph by Dale Lund

INTRODUCTION When I was in the army, stationed at Camp Ames, ten miles east of Taejon in South Korea, I had an experience that made quite a dent in my life; in fact, the dent is so large that I couldnt conceal it after returning home to the States, and soon most of my family and friends found out about it, either through me or through the grapevine. Ive never regretted letting it be known, except in cases where some of my family refused to believe it, substituting the belief that I had some sort of warped imagination and reason for telling such a lie. This bothers me, and it seems that most of my ways to prove it have vanished in some way or another. At times I begin to doubt, myself, that it ever happened; and, in respect for the other individual concerned in this experience, I feel that I at least owe her enough to write down this account, trying to do away with any doubts in my mind and in the minds of others of what this girl and I shared together.

THE CLUB I felt stranded, in a strange and dirty, little country on the opposite side of the largest ocean in the world, from everything I know and from everyone I love; trapped in an organization I neither believed in nor trusted, lying on a bunk in a cold, brick barracks one of many in Camp Ames, South Korea, ten miles east of Taejon, and one of four belonging to the 833rd Ordnance Company. Outside it was dark and inside it was lonely and boring. I kept wondering what I would do to keep my sanity throughout the thirteen months I was to work there, maintaining nuclear weapons, which I feel are the greatest mistake of mankind. A hopeful answer walked up to me in the form of two friends, Milt and Ray, asking me if Id like to go to the club with them. This club, better known as the Camp Ames Enlisted Mens Club, situated about a block from the barracks, brings a dull, little touch of Las Vegas to the drab, military community, with its slot machines, hard liquor, stage and dance floor. I didnt drink, gamble or dance, but I also dont function well while lying on a bunk, staring at the ceiling, so I decided to accompany my friends. As we walked into the club, the first thing I headed for was a slot machine, and, in celebration of this being the first time to try one, I shoved a nickel through the slot and pulled the handle down. Nothing. Another nickel and still nothing. With my fifth nickel came the jingle of change dropping into the tray below. When I grabbed and counted my winnings, I found that I once again had five nickels. Relieved that I had at least broken even, I jointed Milt and Ray at a table. After some experimentation, I discovered that a rum-coke was my favorite kind of hard drink, and after becoming somewhat loose and self-confident, I noticed three girls sitting alone at a table across the room and suggested how strange it seemed to have three guys sitting at one table and three girls sitting at another. So we walked over, introduced ourselves and asked if they would mind us joining them. Apparently, they were waiting for this, said sure almost in unison, and with combined efforts, we arranged the seating so each guy would sit beside one girl. I thereby lost track of the group atmosphere and solely began to socialize with the girl at my right. There was little doubt in my mind that this girl had had plenty of experiences with socializing, etc., but she politely tried to cover it up by taking a quiet, humble approach, despite her left hand gliding up my thigh. Her name was Penny, as far as enlisted men were concerned, but I later discovered that her real, Korean name was Kang Kum Cha, or Miss Kang. She was twenty-five and half Japanese, not a ravishing beauty and in no way ugly, but rather a pleasant example of Oriental womanhood. She spoke softly and directly and was easy to communicate with. Despite our differences, I immediately liked her and we agreed to meet there at the club the following evening. This brightened me up and I even enjoyed the next day at work, finding escapes in my

thoughts. My hands took apart, checked and put together nuclear warheads, while my mind anticipated the evening. I joked with my supervisors and walked with a civilian gait. After work, I rushed through supper, threw off my olive-drab, army fatigues, took a shower, jumped into my real clothes and went to the club. I plopped down at a secluded table and drank two rum-cokes before Penny arrived. She was wearing a simple, white, American-style dress and her shiny black hair draped over her shoulders. Smiling warmly, she sat down across the table from me, and after I ordered a drink for her, she explained to me that she was a business girl, which is the Korean-English term for a prostitute, and that she had her own place by the New Club in Chang Dong Ni, the small village outside the gate. After further conversation, I found out that her price for a man to live with her per month was $50, and that she was looking for a permanent patron rather than a slam-bam-thank-you-maam situation. This seemed to be a very reasonable price for a place off post and a woman to have sex and sleep with every night, yet later I was to find out that it included much more than that. So the question finally came into my head: Do I want to lose my virginity on this girl? And other questions followed: Why do I want to keep my virginity? If I do, would I foul up my future honeymoon by not knowing just exactly how to go about it? What is intercourse like? What would living with a girl be like? Am I willing to stray from my beliefs and go against my upbringing to find out? The answer to this last question was yes. So I agreed to live with her and give her $50 a month, but the hard part was that I didnt have a pass to leave the post. When G.I.s arrive in Korea, theyre given two, painful, hepatitis shots in the rear as they process through the airport terminal, and once they arrive at their permanent duty station, theyre restricted for two weeks until the medicine takes effect. I had about a week to go, so Penny and I made arrangements to meet every evening at the club. After our pleasant transaction, she asked me if Id walk her to the gate. Some of her girlfriends joined us and I really enjoyed the quarter-mile walk. Upon arrival at the gate, Penny turned and pressed up against me, giving me a long, soft kiss, before leaving and disappearing into the enchanting darkness of Chang Dong Ni. The next evening, Penny introduced me to two things I had never done before: Necking and dancing. Instead of sitting across the table from me, she sat beside me, and after a short, sexy conversation, she took my hand and, raising her blouse, placed my palm on her bare belly. From there, my hand just sort of happened to slide up while my mouth touched her neck. I had heard of people getting carried away while necking, but until then I had always thought of it as an exaggeration. We went on and on uncontrollably, until we were psychologically worn out and I came to, as if out of a trance, to realize once again that we were in the club. And when she suggested we dance to a slow tune, after a lot of excuses and refusals I agreed, probably due to the dim lighting. It was much

different than I expected dancing to be. Instead of placing our arms and hands in a certain position, we just embraced. Instead of making certain dance steps, we just swayed back and forth, gently moving around the floor. We pressed tightly against each other. This went on every evening until I was eating my heart out to go home with her. The only variation was when we went to a movie on post, where we would rub each other in the dark. During one movie, the power failed and when they suddenly turned on the emergency lighting both of us quickly jerked our hands away, looked at each others red face and laughed.

THE PASS As it turned out, I was finally to receive my pass on Christmas Day, 1968, and on Christmas Eve at the club, Penny asked me if it would be all right for her to wear a formal, Korean gown to the club the next day in celebration of me coming home with her. I said sure and later learned that this is customary for business girls when they bring home a steady lover for the first timesort of a wedding gown, if you will. So on Christmas Day, we met at the club for the last time, and she appeared in a beautiful, long, white gown with a red flower design and a smile to match. Since this night would require a little more courage on my part, we stayed a short while at the club enjoying a few rum-cokes. When I felt calm enoughsort of half drunkwe left the club and walked to the gate. The guard checked my pass and finally allowed me to follow Penny into the dusk of Chang Dong Ni. It was a strange place, like a Korean Haight-Ashbury district, with colorful, little shops, side-by-side, full of inviting things for G.I.s to blow their money on. Behind the adobelike buildings were flooded rice paddies and barren hills. Women walked by with babies on their backs, held there by a blanket carefully tied around their mothers. An occasional dog limped by with its ribs jutting out in hunger, and children squatted to defecate by the road. Later I was to see women urinating in public. It was a dirty place, but I had to serve there for thirteen months so I decided to try to make the best of it and accept it. Penny first led me to the New Club, her place of employment. It was a very homey atmosphere inside, with a heating stove in the center of the floor, surrounded by several girls. Penny introduced me to them and we sat down and visited. One girl, Ginger, leaned over and felt the bulge in my pants, complimented me, and asked me if I would recommend her to a friend who might want a steady girl. Then an older woman entered the room. I would guess she was in her late thirties and was tall compared to most Orientals, good-looking and appeared to be half American. Penny introduced us, using the womans legal name, and she corrected Penny by smiling at me, saying, Just call me Mama. This was the madam of the house and later I found that she lived in the back room with her husband and eight-year-old daughter. Eventually, I learned the system of the business girls. Chang Dong Ni contains eight clubs; each club is owned by either a mamasan or a papasan, and they hire the business girls whose job is to bring business to the club and also to give the mamasan/papasan a percentage of the money they receive for lovemaking. Each girl is numbered and carries a V.D. card. Twice a week they have to go to the little Chang Dong Ni clinic to be checked for venereal disease. If they have V.D., or if they dont go in for their checkup, their card is taken away from them and their number is placed on the

guardhouse at the gate. If they have their card, they may go into Camp Ames to the club, provided they have a G.I. sign them in at the gate, and in the company of a G.I. they may go to the movie theatre on post. Its a fairly safe system for keeping the V.D. rate low. After our visit in the New Club, Penny led me to her place in the next building. Unlike the average Korean paper doors, her door was made of glass and wood and swung open rather than slid sideways. After following the Oriental custom of taking our shoes off at the door, we entered, and although Im only 5 foot 5, I had to duck my head through the opening. Once inside, I could straighten up and look around. Her place consisted of one cozy room, about 12 by 15 feet, containing a large closet, a small table, a fancy hutch, a charcoal heater, and an elegant, queen-sized bed. There were two unopenable windows on opposite sides of the room, and both of the windows and the door were made private with curtains. This was to be my home for months to follow and it was beautiful. Suddenly, Penny broke my gaze with a kiss. Now I was very naive and inexperienced, and when she thrust her tongue into my mouth, my first instinct was to jump back, but for fear that this would insult her, I hung right in there and kept my shock hidden. I had heard of French kissing before, thinking it was insane, and had no idea that its as popular as it is. In a short while, I began to enjoy it. The only time I did insult Penny while French kissing was when she transferred a kind of candy, that I couldnt stand, from her mouth into mine, and I jumped back, made a face, but then returned it. After the kiss and another one and a smile and another kiss, she went to the closet and began to undress behind the closet door. Not wanting to beat around the bush anymore, I threw off my clothes and climbed into the large, soft bed. She appeared wearing nothing but her panties and climbed in with me. She completed her disrobing under the quilt and rolled up against me, on our sides facing each other, and kissed me again. This was to be the beginning of the end of my virginity and curiosity. It was awkward for me, but she guided me through it. I even made the mistake at first of having my legs spread instead of hers. I was also too nervous to reach orgasm, but she wasn't. Afterwards, I stared at the dim ceiling for a time, and then said, I didnt want to tell you this before, but thats the first time I ever did it. Penny laughed, making me feel sort of uneasy; but then she crawled over to me, gave me a long, emotional kiss and said, Thank you. Theres only one thing nicer than going to sleep with a girl at your side, and thats waking up with a girl at your side. Pennys alarm sounded at 5:30 A.M., and she rubbed my back until I was awake enough to get up. As I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to get my head together, she opened the top of the little, charcoal heater in the center of the room, and using a metal, grasping device made for the purpose, she removed two large cylinders of white-hot charcoal, setting one on a metal pan on the floor and carrying the other outside

into the cold. She came back with a fresh, black charcoal cylinder, put it into the heater, placed the other burning one on top of it, and replaced the lid. Soon the room was much warmer and my head was together. She began to dress me as I sat there, pulling up my pants, buttoning my shirt, etc. After good-bye kisses and a little rubbing here and there, I stumbled out the door and pulled on my shoes. She came out with me and tied my laces for me. With one more kiss and the words, Hurry home, off I went, up the road, through the gate and to the barracks in time to change clothes, eat and go to work. For some reason, the morning was beautiful.

THE LETTER It wasnt long before the novelty of living with a girl wore off; as a matter of fact, just three days after I began to live with Penny, I left her. Without telling her anything, I decided to revert back to my single life again, and I slept in the barracks rather than home. On the fourth day, a friend of mine came into the barracks, told me that Penny was in the E.M. club asking about me, and gave me a letter addressed to me from her. It was the only love letter Id ever received. Somehow, she had gotten the idea that I suspected her of being unfaithful. Since she couldnt write in English, she had had a Korean, English teacher type it out for her, translating her Korean words: 1 January 1969 My dear Dale, Happy New Year to you first of all. As for me, I am fine and am trying to write and defend myself being misunderstood by you. I dont know how to say and what to say it. But I swear I didnt try another GI. I am not such a bad girl. You see? Whether you believe me or not, I have to tell the truth happened that night. You know, you mentioned you would come out as soon as you finished your duty. But I have been waited for you till 8 oclock at night. But you never come and knock at my door. So I thought you would go with your friends to club. Sometimes, you have to be accompanied by your friend, whether its your intention or not. So I put on my overcoat and look around for you, checked every club. If I couldnt find you, I want to get somebody to sign and take me to compound club. I checked whole barracks, every place. But I couldnt find you. I dont know. I guess we got lost each other, and thats all. What I was wrong was, I have been out to locate you. But I never tried another GI. So youd better trust me. I know I should wait for you till you come back to me. But when I was waiting for you, even a minute seemed like an eternity, I couldnt stand it. So I tried to locate you. Sometimes, some Gis changes often. So I hope you understand and dont have any wrong idea about my absence. Of course, I like you very much. I want this start of our true love, in spite of difference of race, and language. But you have kind of misunderstanding about me. So I dont know how to make you understand. Its up to you. Whether you want me to steady with you or not, its up to you. But I hope you come to me, and have a chat each other. I am naive to it. And I never did wrong. So I hope you understand. If you want to know something happened to me that night, I am going to make proof and show you. How about that? Anyway, you are such a wonderful one to me, I dont want to lose you. If you tried to understand even a bit of my true heart, youd better come to me, and make me happy again. I dont know how to explain myself to you. Please try to understand. I

love you dear. And now, I hope this brief writing contributed to your understanding. And you come back to my waiting arms once again. Please . . . . . . . . . With all my love Penny A little later, the barracks phone rang and it was for me. Business girls arent allowed to use the phones on post, but she had gotten a friend of mine to call the barracks for her so she could talk to me. She sounded very quiet and solemn, as though she were mad and sad at the same time, pleading with me to come home again. I returned to her that evening, expecting her to be angry, but she didnt show it. She only showed happiness, and I dont remember ever truly feeling a kiss as much as I felt it then; nor did I ever feel more like I loved her than I did then.

HOME LIFE Time went by fast while I lived with Penny. The army became just a job rather than a prison, and during my job, instead of thinking about my forced labor, Id dream about the night before and the evening to come. And Penny and I always found things to do between our lovemaking, and different ways to go to bed. For instance, we would start by playing strip double solitaire, using her deck of Korean playing cards. They differ quite a bit from our cards in that theyre much smaller and have something like ten suits rather than four. Even though I often became confused trying to tell the suits apart, I always won, and she always refused to take off her panties at the end of the game. So I would attack her in fun, pull them off, wrestle around, throw her on the bed, and make love to her. Intercourse with her was always a new experience. She would introduce me to all sorts of positions: The standard missionary position, dog, scissors, on our sides, on our sides at a 90 degree angle from each other, vertical, semi-vertical, and so on. And sometimes I let my imagination go wild. One fantasy I dreamed up was that we were making love on the dining room table in my parents house with them present. Another was that cows had taken over the world and were milking women, raising men for meat (as if cows ate meat), and that I had been brought in to breed with this woman. And then there was always the rape fantasy, when I imagined that I had drugged her and was doing it all against her will. These fantasies were wild all right, but who puts a limit on fantasy? After intercourse, Penny usually filled the wash pan with warm, soapy water, and as I squatted over it, she would wash me as we kissed. Despite the filth of Chang Dong Ni, she was a firm believer in personal hygiene, which was a relief to me. The first time I had to take a leak while I was there, I asked her where the bathroom was and found out that there wasnt any. In a panic I said, No bathroom! Ive got to pee where do I pee? Outside? She laughed, reached under the bed and pulled out a bedpan. I could easily undress in front of a girl and make love to a girl, but I found it difficult to pee in front of a girl. I took the pan and walked over by the wall, facing away from her. It took awhile for the pee to come out, and when it finally did, I jumped a foot off the floor. She had sneaked up behind me and poked me in the ribs, shutting off my urine flow like a faucet. I dont think I peed again for two days. Sometimes, while we were making love, there would be a knock at the door. I would quickly flop over on my back as Penny said, Come in, in Korean. And in would walk Mamas eight-year-old daughter. She would sit down while Penny raised herself up onto her elbow, and they would visit for a short while as I lay there feeling funny with a strange, little girl in the room. Before or after we had made love, as we lay in bed, Penny would often give me a Korean

language lesson. With these lessons, I eventually could do a fair job of communicating to bus and taxi drivers, begging children, storekeepers, etc. She also taught me the Korean words for almost all the parts of our bodies. The only two I remember are chachi and poji (penis and vagina). In return, I helped teach her to print in English. One day I found her lying on the floor, studying a book on English writing and trying to copy the difficult scribbles. I explained to her that printing was much easier than writing and began to show her how. She was extremely intelligent and learned quite a bit during my lessons, making me feel good. Besides lovemaking, sexy games, language lessons and dressing me every morning, my $50 a month also included food when I was hungry, medicine and care when I was sick, my laundry washed and starched, massages and back rubs, and gifts such as a jacket, socks and others that Ill talk about later. Always when I came home, she would ask me if I was hungry. When I was, she would go outside for a few minutes (I never did find out where), and about twenty minutes later a delivery boy would come with a covered tray containing one or both of my favorite Korean dishesyakamondu and yakamishi. The former is some kind of meat (rumor has it that its dog meat) deep-fried in some kind of batter, and the latter is a sort of fried rice dish with small chunks of meat. I cant stand the most popular Korean food, called kimchi, which is cabbage loaded with spices that make your breath reek for two days. Often in the movie theatre, Id catch a whiff of the horrible stuff from a Korean who had just walked in, twenty feet away. I told Penny that if she ever ate it while I lived with her, we would have to postpone all physical contact for two days. When I had a headache or didnt feel well, she would ask me if I wanted some medicine. If I said yes, she would go about a block away to the drugstore, and with her own money shed buy some. Korean medicine is fantastic. Its usually a liquid that comes in a little bottle about the same size as a liquor bottle on a commercial jet, and it doesnt taste bad at all. You just drink the whole thing, and if whatever is ailing you isnt too serious, itll cure it almost immediately. If it were introduced to the U.S. as a marvelous new elixir from the Orient, people would no doubt throw out money for it like they did in the Old West with the traveling medicine shows. I never did find out where she had my laundry done. She washed her own clothes in the river, but when I asked her if she washed my clothes, she said no. Anyway, they came back just how I wanted them, and better than when I brought them to the army laundry and dry cleaners where they would starch the fatigues as stiff as a board so theyre even hard to get into, whereas Pennys laundry, whatever and wherever it was, wouldnt overdo the starch. One day while I was standing out on the road with two friends, waiting for a taxi to Taejon, Penny came out to me and told me that she wanted to talk to me in private. I

went with her into the house (or hooch, as its called in both Korea and Vietnam), and she pulled out some brand-new socks and wanted to know if they fit me. They did and I thanked her with a kiss. In the time I lived with her, she must have bought me about a dozen pair of socks, whether I needed them or not, and one day she even pulled out a new jacket for me. I think her giving me these things always meant a little more to me than she realized, and I always tried to prove it to her. Another thing she always did, that I appreciated even more, was massage me. I had always heard of Oriental girls massaging by walking on a mans back, but I found out that she had never even heard of it before. She humored me, though, and did it. And after our lovemaking, she would often rub my back and neck until I fell asleep, and sometimes it would take a half-hour before I dropped off, but she wouldnt stop until I did. The record was forty-five minutes. Most of the time during those four months I lived with her, everything was beautiful. We had problems and fights, too, and Ill talk about those later, but if you were to take our ups and downs within that time and weigh them opposite each other on a balancing scale, theres no doubt that the ups would go down and the downs would go up.

BACK OF THE BUS While I lived with Penny, there were times when I felt on top of the world. I remember while walking with a friend of mine from the village to the post exchange, I told him that for once in my life I was finally happy, despite the army. I felt like everything was going my way. But there were also times when I would rather have slept in the barracks. Every once in a while, I went home and found that Penny had been drinking. Some people sit back and get tired when theyre drunk; some people get silly and laugh at nothing; some throw violent fits; but when Penny got drunk, she would get depressed and feel sorry for herself. Usually, when she was drunk she cried constantly, and if I tried to comfort her she would push me away. As far as I found out, her main problem was that she was a business girl and didnt really want to be. She told me in her tears that once a Korean girl loses her virginity, no Korean man will every marry her. So her only choices are either to become an old maid, or a business girl hoping that someday an American G.I. will marry her and take her to the States. This hope is a sad sight. Ive met business girls who sit around year after year, waiting for their old G.I. boyfriends to return to Korea, like they promised, and marry them, like they promised, so they would be allowed to fly to American, the land of promise. I knew well that these men had since found a beautiful, blond, round-eyed girl, and forgot all about their whore in Korea. The terrible part about it is that these girls really care and they really wait. Penny wanted me to marry her, and I refused. I made no promises. I didnt really love her as a man should love the one he marries. When she was drunk this upset her, but when she was sober she once said, A girl would be lucky to have you for a husband, and left it at that. She told me how business girls are treated there. People often called her names, such as the Korean counterpart for bitch, and when shed get into the bus to go to Taejon, she would be forced to sit in the back. The decent people who wouldnt aggressively bother her would ignore her. But it was too late, for she had lost her virginity long ago and hymens arent that easy to come by. One time when she was drunk, she gulped down a bottle of liquid, looking somewhat like medicine, and told me that it was poison and that she was going to Happy Mountain. Happy Mountain, located right next to Camp Ames, is a large hill where the villagers are buried; custom has it that the more important one is, the higher on the hill hell be buried. I decided to call her bluff and get angry rather than panic. I forgot what I said, but I remember that I did some yelling and grabbed the little empty bottle out of her hand and

threw it across the room. My guess was right; she never even got sick, let alone commit suicide. When we attended a friends party at a neighboring club, she drank too much, and I ended up forcefully carrying her out over my shoulder. When we got home, she went back outside and threw up several times. I became disgusted, grabbed my coat, and walked back to the barracks. I didnt come back for two days, and when I did she kissed me several times, apologizing between each kiss. I told her that if I ever caught her drunk again Id leave and never come back. As far as I know, she never drank again.

SERGEANT JACKSONS PARTY Sergeant Jackson was our platoon leader for a time, until Sergeant Short took his place. When Jacksons birthday rolled around, he decided to throw a party for the whole platoon out at his hooch in the village. He also lived with a business girl, as most men did over there. He was a nice guyvery humble for a sergeantso I went against my usual, antisocial behavior and attended his party. He had a large stereo system there and all kinds of drinks, including rum and coke. So I took advantage of it, especially since it was free, and consequently wound up drunk. So drunk, in fact, that I needed a friend to help me down the jagged steps outside Jacksons hooch. Once I made it to the road, I didnt know whether to walk almost a mile to the barracks or just two blocks to Pennys place. I should have staggered to the barracks, because I told Penny not long before that Id leave her if I ever found that she had been drinking, and Id feel like a heel stumbling up to her after that. But I did go to her place, since I could hardly walk at all, let alone a mile to the barracks. I expected her to yell at me and tell me what a cheater I was; but instead, she welcomed me as usual, with a kiss, and helped me right to bed. All I said was that I was sorry and I repeated it over and over. She sat by me, rubbing my forehead as I lay on my back. Suddenly, without warning, I threw upliterally up. The vomit came out like a geyser, all over the quilt and all over both of us, and I passed out cold. When I woke up, it was as if it had never happened. She had cleaned everything; she even had given me a sponge bath in my sleep. I turned to her, apologized again, and told her that I had no right anymore to tell her not to drink. But she never did drink again, as far as I know, and after my apology, she smiled and said, Do you want some medicine?

SPIES I often wanted to hike up the large hills surrounding the village, and one day I talked my friend, Ray, into coming with me. He suggested that we take our girls along; he was living with a very young, very good-looking, business girl; and I agreed that it was a good idea. So, as he went home to get his girl, I went to get Penny. She was all for it and grabbed her camera to take along. We all met on the road and began to walk down a path bridging its way through the rice paddies to the high hills. It was a pleasant hike. There was a warm wind and a nice trail, often used by ox-carts en route from village to village. The hills were barren, except for occasional bushes, and the view was fantastic. Every once in a while wed stop to rest, and Id compare Penny with Rays girl. Penny was older and not as good-looking, and Rays girl had a freer spiritkind of carefree. However, if it came to a choice between Penny and Rays girl, I wouldve chosen Penny. Ive heard of how the very good-looking, carefree, business girls would take on a steady guy, collecting $75 a month from him, while she also takes on short-times (the slambam-thank-you-maam type) and collects $5 from them behind her boyfriends back. I never had reason to suspect Penny of this, because, for one thing, guys wanting shorttimes are particular, having a wide assortment to choose from, and naturally would pick the best looking girls; and for another, I often got time off and popped in on Penny early and unexpectedly, and never caught her being unfaithful. Penny pretty much ignored Ray, while Rays girl didnt ignore me at all. When we reached the peak of the hill, and after we gasped at the beautiful scenery all around, we decided to take pictures of each couple. First, I took a picture of Ray and his girl with Flathead Mountain in the background; then, Ray took a picture of Penny and me with Happy Mountain in the background. As this was going on, I noticed a shed over on the adjacent hill, by the Camp Ames fences, with a G.I. standing out in front, looking our way. I waved at him, assuming that it was an infantry outpost with some poor, lonely soul on guard duty, and he waved back, seeming kind of unsure of whether or not he should. When we started back down, we decided to take advantage of the barren landscape, and so we left the trail and ran full-speed, straight down the side of the hill. This was really fun. We got to running so fast that we couldnt stop, and when we leaped, wed fly several yards before our feet touched the ground again. But just as we were reaching the foot of the hill, we were surprised by an American infantry soldier jumping out from behind a large boulder and aiming an M-14 rifle at us. He was panting heavily, and he breathlessly gasped, Hold it right there!

As it turned out, he had chased us all the way from that outpost I saw, thinking we were spies. For some reason, that outpost was supposed to be secret, and not only did we use our expert training to memorize its position, but we had also taken photographs. The whole thing was unbelievable. He confiscated Pennys camera and then led us at gunpoint to a back gate into Camp Ames, where he radioed the military police. In return for this harassment, Ray and I kept talking about how, after all our training for battle against whatever enemy the U.S. chooses to have, the first guy to aim a gun at us is an American G.I. The girls were scared out of their wits, and when they asked Ray and me what they were going to do to us, we didnt help matters by sarcastically saying that we were going to be executed. Finally, the M.P. jeep arrived and took us all to M.P. headquarters. The officers there tried to scare, harass and interrogate us, but it all seemed so silly that we just kept joking. And after getting yelled at for hiking, we got the camera back (without the film, since they were keeping that for further investigation), and we were allowed to go. Not long after that, Rays girl disappeared, along with some of Rays valuables, including a very expensive camera, confirming my beliefs about good-looking, carefree, business girls.

TDYVD I never really felt tied to Penny, taking advantage of the fact that we werent legitimately married, and although I was faithful to her in and around Chang Dong Ni, I once discovered what other girls were like in bed while on TDY (temporary duty) in Seoul. Seoul is the Capital of South Korea and a very large city, full of Geisha houses, shops, galleries and brothels. For the most part, I stayed at the U.S.O., where outside there is at least one pimp on duty at all times, advertising his girls. The first one I encountered walked up to me and said, You want a blow-job? And I turned him down rather bluntly because I thought he was a faggot advertising himself. Finally I agreed to go with a pimp and pay $2 or $3 for a short-time with a beautiful girl. We walked around corners and up alleys, and just as I was beginning to think that I was about to be the victim of a mugging, we turned and went into a little room, where he introduced me to a mamasan and left. I gave her a couple dollars in Korean money and she also left the room. After a short wait, in walked a very young girl, about fifteen, with a beautifully proportioned body and a pleasant face. She lay down beside me and we both undressed. I had heard that venereal disease is common in Seoul, so I became somewhat worried; but then she eased my mind by opening a drawer and taking out a rubber, which she put on me herself. Her body was very soft and warm and we seemed to fit together like a puzzle, but I was disappointed. There was no real feeling, and it seemed more like an exaggerated form of masturbation than making love. Two days later, I did the same thing all over again with another pimp and another girl who told me that she had a cousin in Portland, Oregon. This time I neither had nor used a rubber, so the physical feeling was better but my worry was back. So after a week of duty and two strange girls, I returned to Penny. We made love three times that day in celebration and I was glad to be back. But then, a day or two later, I was walking out the gate and noticed Pennys number, 69, listed on the V.D. board. When I got home, she began to yell at me for giving her V.D. She had gone for her regular twice-weekly, V.D. check and the results came out positive. Consequently, her card was temporarily confiscated and she received two painful, penicillin shots in the rear. She had a good reason for yelling. And, of course, I wasnt very surprised when the next day I had a thick, greenish-yellow emission. I immediately went to the dispensary to have it checked. They took a sample of the strange fluid and a urine test, and found that it was a mild infection, even milder than the common clap. They ended up curing the infection within two weeks by having me take tetracycline pills. Penny had already forgiven me, yet I was restricted for those two weeks so I couldnt

spread the infection any further, and I considered all of it a very good lesson for me.

MY BIRTHDAY I dont remember ever telling Penny when my birthday is, but must have, because two days before, as we were lying in bed, she reached over and opened a drawer, revealing a tiny, gift-wrapped box, accompanied by a big smile. I opened it and inside I found a ring. Now this wasnt an ordinary, run-of-the-mill ring. It was a wedding band, and, other than that, the first thing I noticed was its weight. I was extremely heavy for its size. Its color was unusual, toosort of a cross between gold and yellow; and it had an elaborate leaf design carved into it. She told me that it was 99% solid gold, and that the design was hand carved. Later, I brought it to a Korean jeweler and discovered that Penny was right, and I also found out its price. In Korea, gold is abundant and not even worth half the price as it would be in the States. Some G.I.s even smuggle it into the U.S. by having their uniform buttons replaced with gold duplicates. My ring had cost Penny about $40, and in the States it would be worth over $100. Since I knew that solid gold is quite soft, I also tested the ring by marking it with my fingernail. This all sounds very materialistic, checking on the value of the ring; but as far as my curiosity goes, I have very little willpower. And if I had found that it had cost $2, I would have appreciated it just as much. Our lovemaking was a little better than usual that night. The next day, Penny asked me if Id like to have a birthday party on the evening of my birthday. Now in the army, most birthdays are like any other day, so I rebelled against this fact by saying, Sure! She told me to invite my closest friends, and that she would prepare a meal for us. But I felt that something would be missing for the party, and finally I discovered that it was music. All we had was Pennys little radio and that would hardly suffice for a party. So I asked Penny if shed like to have a stereo console. Her room was furnished with things given to her by her previous steady lovers, and this would be the most expensive gift. She answered me with a happy kiss and we immediately went down to the music shop. Im glad she came along, because I wouldve just bought the stereo, but with her bargaining we ended up getting ten free record albums with it, including the Beatles, Joan Baez and my favorite Korean singers. The only drawback was that the Korean stereos are/were manually operatednot automatic. But anyway, I bought a nice one on a payment plan and they delivered it later on that day. I was a lot of fun making love that night to music, like the Beatles Happiness is a Warm Gun and Lets Do It in the Road. Penny would laugh when I moved in rhythm with the music. The only bad part was that right while we were in the middle of everything, the record would be over and Id have to get up and go change it. The next day, March 20, 1969, my twentieth birthday, I invited three good friends to the party. Two of them, Ray and Wilfredo, had steady girls to bring, but the third, Alex, was a virgin who spent most of his spare time lying on his bunk in the barracks, listening to

music through his headphones. For him, Penny invited one of her best friends who were searching for a steady guy. When I returned home that evening I was surprised to see a new table in the center of the room, and more surprised to see what was on it: Homemade yakamondu, yakamishi, deep-fried fish, shrimp, coke, rum and bourbon. She and Mama had been working all day to prepare this meal, and Penny calmly greeted me with a kiss and wished me happy birthday, as if she had done nothing. Soon, Ray and Wilfredo arrived with their girls, and just before Alex came, Penny had called in her friend. After the eight of us exchanged greetings, we sat down on the floor to eat, Oriental style, with forks provided for those who couldnt cope with the chopsticks. Rays girl hadnt taken off with his camera yet, so she was his girl at the table. Wilfredos girl was Ginger, the girl I met that first night at the New Club. I ended up telling Wilfredo about her and they got together and stayed together throughout our whole tour in Korea. Alex seemed to get along well with Pennys friend, and I figured that his virginity would be gone by the next day. We listened to music and gorged ourselves like royalty. I wound up eating more shrimp than anything else. Most of us were becoming quite light-headed with the rum or bourbon, except Penny. I noticed that she was only drinking coke. When I told her that it was all right with me if she drank during the party, she answered by saying, Its OK. In appreciation, I kissed her, and didnt drink any more. After the party, Ray and Wilfredo went home with their girls to resume their activities, and Alex went home with Pennys friend. I continued the celebration in bed with Penny. The next day, I discovered that Alex had only walked Pennys friend home, kissed her at the door, and left. I talked to him, asking him what went wrong, and he said that he just doesnt believe in premarital intercourse. I respected his belief, remembering my past, and gave him encouragement.

THE MARRIED BACHELOR Even though Penny and I werent legitimately married, Id sometimes feel as if we were and Id often get hunger pains for single life again. This is really where I began to let Penny down. I dont think I was ready to settle down, not even temporarily. It began with shopping trips to Taejon. I always preferred to go alone, leaving Penny behind, and when Id return, shed ask me how much I paid for each thing, from the taxi fare to a new switchblade. In every case, if she had been there, I couldve gotten things cheaper, because Korean shop owners make a living out of swindling American G.I.s. But, nevertheless, Id go alone each time, refusing Pennys help. When I was promoted from a private first-class to a specialist fourth-class, I received a sizable increase in pay. When Penny found out, she asked me if shed be getting more money per month then, and I insisted that $50 per month was the original deal and that I had already increased it to $60, so Id keep the rest, including my raise. I couldve easily afforded to give her more and Ive always regretted not doing it; since then, and probably because of my guilt complex, I lost a large portion of my greed. Shortly before the last night we spent together, I told her that I was thinking of renting a place on the other side of the village, that I could fix up like I wanted and where I could sit around and visit with friends. I could visit in the barracks, but that was a depressing place, and in Chang Dong Ni, places only cost from $5 to $15 per month. This, of course, angered Penny, and she said that I could fix up and invite friends to her place. But by fixing up I meant with posters, etc.kind of avant-gardeand her place was too crowded with furniture for that. Also, I didnt want to impose on her by inviting over my off-beat friends all the time. So, despite her feelings, I rented a room, but I still spent most all of my spare time at her place. Since Penny was a business girl, I used to think that her lack of morals would lead to our downfall. On the contrary, I was usually the one supplying the reasons for her to leave me. But she never did, and her kindness and understanding put me to shame.

THE LAST, THREE-DAY NIGHT Little did I know, when I returned once again to Pennys place after living with her for four months, that this was to be the beginning of the worst tragedy in my life. It seemed just like every other evening; and when I arrived, she greeted me once again with her usual kiss. She told me that she had had a karate lesson that day. I didnt know that she was taking karate, so I ended up asking her all about it. I remember that one of my questions was how to knock a person unconscious for while; and she told me that by giving someone a hard karate chop on the back of the neck, you can knock him out for about a half-hour. She demonstrated by hitting me there lightly, although it was hard enough to give me a headache. And when I interrupted our conversation by standing up to put on a record album, I felt dizzy. I thought she had knocked something loose when she hit me, and I told her that I felt miserable. Then I remembered seeing army warning posters that tell of how malfunctioning charcoal heaters can give off carbon monoxide, but when I felt the heater, I found it to be cold, and when I asked Penny how she felt, she told me that she felt fine. She asked me if I wanted some medicine and when I said yes, she left to go buy some. Not bypassing the possibility that it could be carbon monoxide, I left the door open. My dizziness was getting worse, so I decided that Id better go to bed. I stumbled and fell once or twice on the way, and I blacked out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I remember faintly seeing a blurred image of Penny walking back into the room. She shut and locked the door and set the medicine on the table, thinking that I wouldnt want to wake up to take it; then she undressed and crawled into bed with me, and I blacked out completely. I had a terrible nightmare that night. It began with someone screamingseveral terrible screams. Then I saw a dead body. Its skin was bright pink and there was mucus running from its nose to its mouth. Then I felt some pain under my arms and my back was cold. I saw familiar faces and among them I recognized Ginger. She looked very distraught. Then, suddenly, everything was white; the room was white, the people were all white. Everything was white, except for a big black thin that someone was forcing over my nose and mouth so I couldnt breathe. I screamed and fought the suffocation by viciously biting the black thing with my teeth, but someone was holding my head still and I blacked out. Then there was a loud, continuous noise. I looked up and saw two men in helmets. When I tried to get up, I saw that I was tied down with big, heavy, leather straps on my wrists and ankles. I sat up as best I could and saw that I was high up in the air. Then one of the men with the helmets pushed me back down. I sat up again and he pushed me down again. I kept trying to sit up to see the tiny buildings far below, until finally the man held me down so I couldnt sit up anymore. Then everything was white

againthe room, the peopleall except for the terrible black thing that they again tried to suffocate me with. I saw that I was still strapped down so I panicked and broke one of my arms free. I grabbed at the black thing and screamed, and all the white people attacked me. I fought as best I could with my one arm, but I was outnumbered. Then I saw a mans face really close up, and he was yelling at mesomething about carbon monoxide. And I suffocated.

THE PUDDLE When I woke up, I was sitting in a puddle of pee in a hospital bed. I looked down and saw the urine coming out of me and I couldnt stop it. There were nurses walking by, so I pulled the covers up over my lap. I felt very groggy. When the first male intern came by, I called him over and told him that I had wet the bed. He brought me some dry pajamas and told me to go into the restroom to wash and change while he changed my bedding. When I came back out, I sat down in the chair beside the bed and asked him what had happened to me. He said that he didnt know, but that the doctor would be in to see me shortly. I remembered something about carbon monoxide in my nightmare, and wondered if it had only been a nightmare. If its true, I thought, then Penny must be in a hospital, too probably the one in Chang Dong Ni. Then the doctor walked in with a very sober expression. First he asked me how I felt, and I told him that I felt sort of groggy and then asked him what had happened. He said that I had been poisoned by carbon monoxide and that my girl was dead. I sat back, stunned, as he went on. He told me that I had been in a coma for three days, on the critical list twice, and that I was very lucky. I was too groggy to cry, and I was trying hard not to believe anything. He also told me that I was in the army hospital at Seoul and that now that I was better hed send me to another ward. As I lay on the bed in the other ward, I began to piece together my apparently true nightmare. The white rooms had been treatment rooms and the white people were doctors, nurses and interns. That black thing must have been an oxygen mask (later I found out that they gave me carbon dioxide to try to counteract the carbon monoxide). When I dreamed that I was up in the sky, I was in a helicopter on the way to Seoul. Instead of viciously biting and chewing on the oxygen mask, I discovered that I had often, or always, mistook my tongue for the black rubber. It was so badly chewed up that I had difficulty talking. As soon as possible, I went to the hospital library to read about victims of carbon monoxide poisoning. I thought it was unusual to be as groggy as I was for so long, and I wondered if it was due to the poisoning or the medicine. I found out that the victims who survive sometimes suffer from temporary or permanent amnesia and brain damage. Suddenly I became terribly worried, thinking that Id have to live with this grogginess for the rest of my life. After reading on, I discovered that the skin of the victims who die becomes a pinkish color and mucus sometimes flows out from their membranes; thus explaining the first part of my nightmare. The screaming came from whoever broke in and found us. The pinkish dead body I saw was Penny. The pain under my arms was from being carried out of the room, and my cold back resulted from lying naked on the

ground outside. Later I discovered that I had no clothes with me at the hospital, nor did I have my wallet with my money and I.D. So the hospital personnel got in touch with my company at Camp Ames to have someone bring me my clothes and shaving kit. The next day, in walked two friends, Roger and Harold, with my clothes, shaving kit, some money and two welcomed smiles. I was still very worried about having brain damage, because if they said something, it took a few seconds for it to register. They told me that Sergeant Short, our platoon sergeant, had covered for me when I didnt show up in the formation that first morning after, because he just thought I overslept in the village, and that he was getting in trouble for it. Its a strange coincidence that in the history of Camp Ames, there had been only two victims (American) of carbon monoxide poisoning; one is me and the other is Sergeant Short, who had gone through almost the same thing several months before. They told me that I had been found in a coma at 1:30 in the afternoon and that Penny was already dead. They also warned me of a rumor that was spreading around both Camp Ames and the village that said that it wasnt an accident and that I had murdered her.

THE HOMECOMING I took the train back, buying a ticket to Taejon; but rather than riding to the main terminal in Taejon and having to take a taxi back to Camp Ames, I decided to get off at a little depot in a small village about three miles from Chang Dong Ni and walk to Camp Ames, hoping the long walk over the hill would cure my still groggy head. I was worried about walking through Chang Dong Ni after hearing about those rumors that I was a murderer, but as I walked down the hill and through the village, I found that my worries had been for nothing. I was better known in that village than I thought I was, especially after almost everybody there had seen me being carried into the ambulance. As I passed by, many stared at me as though I were a ghost. A girl, whom I had never met before, ran out and kissed me and told me that she had been a friend of Penny and was glad to see that I was alive. Suddenly, a man ran up to me and told me that he was Pennys karate instructor, adding that hed give me free lessons if I wanted them. Two others greeted me before I passed through the Camp Ames gate. Everyone was out working when I arrived at the empty barracks, and I fell limply onto my bunk. I shut my eyes for awhile and opened them to see that everyone had returned from their jobs. My friends surrounded me and we exchanged all we knew about what had happened. Milt showed me two photographs that he had taken and developed. One was of Penny as her body was being carried out of her room. The other was of her burial on Happy Mountain, taken with a telescopic lens. These pictures shocked me. Another guy told me that he was by the helicopter as I was being loaded on, and that I suddenly had sat up on the stretcher and stared directly at him with violent contempt in my eyes, which shook him up quite a bit. I guess I had had quite a few convulsions. That evening, I went out to see Mama and get some of my things, including my wallet. As I passed by Pennys room, I saw that the door was missing and that, except for the bed leaning up against the wall, the room was empty. It was a lonely, terrible sight; what had once been so beautiful was now so tragic. Mama greeted me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek and told me how sorry she was. She gave me my wallet and my laundry bag full of clothes, and told me that the police were in the process of an investigation to see if Pennys death was accidental or not. Mama knew that it was, and she told me that Penny had known for a long time that the heater wasnt very dependable, but never bothered to get a new one. I kept wondering why Penny had died and I didnt. I could only come up with two reasons. One was that she smoked, so my lungs were healthier. The other was that she slept on the side of the bed closest to the heater. Anyway, she had been dead for hours before someone found us and rigor mortis had even started to set in. I was literally purple, but still alive. I was in the hospital during Pennys funeral, but I found out that it was a wake rather than

a funeral, which encouraged me. Her friends gathered to celebrate life rather than mourn death. Then they carried her to Happy Mountain, where she had said she wanted to go, and buried her about a third of the way up the mountain in a sitting position, leaving a large mound of earth. The next day, I found out what doctor had treated me first, and I went to thank him. He told me that if I had been in that room five more minutes I wouldve died. He said that he had done everything he could and had put me on the critical list; from there on, Someone Else took over. When I arrived at the hospital at Seoul, I was once again put on the critical list; they did all that they could do, and a miracle followed. Later on that day, Wilfredo came and told me that it was Ginger who had found me and pulled me from the room, and that she wanted to see me. So that evening I went home with Wilfredo, and Ginger greeted me with a happy kiss, asked how I felt, and told me what had happened. She had gone over to visit Penny that tragic afternoon, and after knocking on the door and getting no answer, she saw that the door was locked from the inside; so she broke in and found us. She was the one who had screamed. She said that she felt Penny and found her to be cold and hard, but when she felt me I was still warm and soft, so she ran to get another girl to help her carry me out. It was while I was being dragged over Penny that I saw her body in my nightmare. Its hard to thank a person for saving your life, but I tried the best I could. Really, when I think about it, they had good reason to investigate Pennys death. It was well known by some of my friends that I sometimes wanted to be single again, and I did rent another room in the village not long before she died. And its possible that I couldve studied the effects of carbon monoxide and planned it so Id survive and she wouldnt, or maybe I figured on murdering her and committing suicide at the same time. So with all these possibilities, I can hardly blame them for the investigation, and Im grateful that they did it all behind my back. About a week later, I was told that the Korean police wanted to see me at the police box in the village. When I arrived, they told me that, as far as they could find, Penny had no living relatives, and that I had the same rights as if I were her husband, whereby I had the right to all of her possessions, including $60 cash that they had found in the room. I told them that all I wanted were the stereo and record albums, which I ended up moving to my other room. I didnt even take the $60, probably due to my grogginess, and later regretted it. Within another week, my head cleared up and I was back to normal. I dont know if the grogginess was due to the carbon monoxide or whether it was a psychological tranquilizer that I was blessed with. But it made everything seem as though it were a dream, and it never did allow me to comprehend fully the terrible tragedy that had happened.

CONCLUSION Penny gave me love, understanding, hope and joy. She changed four months in the army into four months of beautiful memories, and thats quite a task. She turned a little room in a dirty, Korean village into a home where I could always go and where I was always welcome. In return for what little I gave to her, she gave her all to me, and she passed away at my side.