What Is The Best Horror Story You Can Come Up With in Two Sentences

What is the best horror story you can come up with in two sentences. : As...
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What is the best horror story you come up with in two sentences. (self.AskReddit)
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[] justAnotherMuffledVo 3800 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6

days ago)
Ask a question!
I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, Daddy check for monsters under my bed. I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, Daddy theres somebody on my bed. Edit: Wow thanks for the up votes and the gold. I guess while I'm at it my girlfriend too who suggested we come up with stories, and who fixed mine up using her English major skills.
permalink [] BrianCox17 554 points 7 days ago
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This could be a twilight zone episode. Well done.

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load more comments (8 replies) [] ocattaco 1815 points 7 days ago
Shiiiiiiiiitttttt.
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[] Randamba 1103 points 7 days ago
The flash was a prankster as a child.

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load more comments (12 replies) [] PeopleInMyHead 829 points 7 days ago
Yep I'm done now. When I finished reading that my son woke up and started to call for me. No sleep for me tonight.
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[] OmEgah15 1278 points 7 days ago
"Sorry son, daddy's on the scary part of the internet again tonight. You're on your own. Just don't look under your bed."
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[] theamazingroberto 247 points 7 days ago
"or on your bed. or in the closet. you know what? just keep your eyes closed, son."
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load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (14 replies) load more comments (10 replies) [] maremare312 730 points 7 days ago
Annnnd you win. And I'm reading this shit way too late.
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load more comments (8 replies) [] dogo_xd 256 points 7 days ago
And then I realized I that I have twins.

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load more comments (3 replies) load more comments (293 replies) [] Gagege 2741 points 7 days ago
The doctors told the amputee he might experience a phantom limb from time to time. Nobody prepared him for the moments though, when he felt cold fingers brush across his phantom hand.
permalink [] photopteryx 808 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days
ago)
Whoa. I want to read a whole story about this. Such potential. EDIT: Bravo, /u/Nosfermarki! Exceptional.
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x3
[] Nosfermarki 2146 points 7 days ago
It had been 6 months since the accident. I remember because Elizabeth was helping me sign my name in our daughter Jenny's birthday card. Slowly she guided by hand, helping me create some legible signature
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rather than the scribbles of a child in kindergarten, the best that I was able to manage with such little practice. It seems that when one loses a limb, it's quite likely to be the dominant one. For me it was the right.
Today I Fucked Up YouShouldKnow FindaReddit
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I was concentrating on my writing, trying not Join us in the AskReddit IRC! to make her do too much of the work, when I felt it. I hadn't noticed the phantom feeling of a community for 5 years my elbow resting on the table beside me, by MODERATORS message the moderators this point I had almost gotten used to it, although the pain would sometimes still wake qgyh2 me. It was brief, but enough to startle me and kn0thing cause my hand, still holding the pen, to jump chromakode and effectively turn my name into scribbles krispykrackers despite my wife's best efforts. It was gentle Poromenos but cold. Too cold. Less like ice and more like BritishEnglishPolice the feeling of a deep cut, when the insides of PhilxBefore a body part are suddenly exposed to the jedberg outside elements that they were never jamt9000 supposed to meet. When Elizabeth asked, I flyryan shrugged it off, telling her it was an ...and 23 more unexpected pain in the hand that was convinced it was clenched, even though it didn't exist. At the moment, I almost believed that that was what happening myself. The next time it woke me. I was asleep on my stomach, with my phantom arm dangling off of the bed. I've slept like that as long as I can remember, and when I first felt it I thought that my hand had fallen asleep and causing the pins-and-needles sensation that I had often felt. When I tried to open and close my hand, I awoke, remembering in a sleepy haze that I didn't have a hand to open, yet the cold feeling remained. This time it stayed a while, and I could make out the distinct feeling of fingers on my skin. I tried to shake my hand, but couldn't. I pushed down with my left hand and shifted to roll over onto my back, yet the feeling remained, still as defined, and I wondered how long this invisible hand had held me. I shook my wife awake and explained, but she was convinced that it was simply a part of the process. She held me and talked to me in her cooing, comforting voice until, one by one, the fingers lifted, releasing me from the torture of the cold. Feeling it reminded me of the accident. There was a blizzard, and Elizabeth was driving. As a truck approached the car slid, she tried like hell to control it, but it seemed to have a mind of its own. I grabbed the wheel, spinning the car until it came to a stop, then the truck hit us. My arm was mostly severed at the time of impact, but my wife and daughter were fine. The feeling of blood escaping you chills you to the bone, and that was exactly what I was
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feeling while in this creature's grasp. For months it happened, with no warning or reason. The doctors said it was just the phantom limb, that it was to be expected. No one understood that something was wrong. Sometimes it would last days at a time, and those were the days when I would stay in bed, watching TV, trying not to focus on the hand around my wrist, trying not to think of the thing that was holding me. Sometimes it's grip would loosen only to tighten again, as if the hand that didn't exist was sore from holding my hand that didn't exist for so long. The one day, it stopped. For a month or so, nothing happened at all. I had gone from living with an unknown entity at my side every day to finally being free. We lived it up during that time. We went everywhere, from the Grand Canyon to Disney World. It had been forever since we had the opportunity to spend time as a family again, and we enjoyed every moment we had, grateful to have suffered only a small loss to our family. We had opened the cafe again, and my wife was doing what she loved. My daughter and I were at the cafe. It was closing time. She and I sat at a table outside while Elizabeth closed the register, chatting about the upcoming middle school dance. My wife joined us and locked the doors. "Wanna come with me?" she asked, patting the bag of money in her hand awaiting deposit at the bank across the street. Jenny jumped up, eager, no doubt, to get one of the suckers from the candy dish that the bank kept at it's counter. "I'll warm up the truck," I said, fishing my keys from my pocket. My wife nodded in approval and walked me to the truck, kissing me on the cheek through the window after I entered, and again on glass after I rolled it up. They headed down the length of the truck and I turned to check the mirror when I saw it. A truck barreling down the road heading straight for my wife and daughter. I screamed her name and threw the door open when the hand that wasn't there was suddenly jerked to the opposing side of the truck, holding me in place as I kicked and screamed. The kiss on the glass of the window was the last I ever got, and the hand never let go again.
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[] iyja 176 points 7 days ago
You would make a good horror writer.

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Thanks! I've actually written two novels, both still need editing, but I don't expect them to be published, that's not easy when you're unknown.
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[] Confuzn 66 points 7 days ago
I would so read that book. Shit that was an awesome story.

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load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (66 replies) load more comments (4 replies) [] Phreshzilla 78 points 7 days ago
1. Post this to /r/nosleep 2. publish it. 3. ???? 4. Profit!

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load more comments (2 replies) [] fortinj1354 201 points 7 days ago
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I haven't ever given gold until now, but this was the best thing I've ever seen on reddit.
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Holy shit! Thanks! That's the second one I've ever gotten. And what a compliment, I wasn't expecting such a reception!
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load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (22 replies) load more comments (260 replies) load more comments (9 replies) [] Flightlssbird 729 points 7 days ago
I GOT CHILLS....they're
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multiplyin'
load more comments (20 replies) load more comments (46 replies) [] Graboid27 856 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)
I can't move, breathe, speak or hear and it's so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely, I would have been cremated instead.
permalink load more comments (20 replies) [] therealhatman 865 points 7 days ago
I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I though it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.
permalink load more comments (20 replies) [] ADGE_S 874 points 7 days ago
When I finally grabbed her in the darkness, I swam back to the surface. It never occurred to me how fast the ice could freeze over.
permalink load more comments (40 replies) [] KnowsGooderThanYou 832 points 7 days ago
They celebrated the first successful cryogenic freezing. He had no way of letting them know he was still conscious.
permalink [] craic_up 147 points 7 days ago
poor Walt Disney

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load more comments (27 replies) [] Nezzatic 1664 points 7 days ago
I wish I could remember whose these people are. They tell me I have Alzheimers.
permalink [] scrotum_nachos 1607 points 7 days ago
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"I don't know who you people are, but you're wonderful!" My grandma last Christmas dinner. I'm not kidding. It was sad, but I'm glad that at least she was happy.
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[] DolceSpezia 660 points 7 days ago
Oh wow, that reminds me of my grandpa. He couldn't remember us, or even who my grandma was at the end. If she wasn't by his side, she was doing something for him (making him food, etc). The last thing he said to her was asking why she was so nice to him, why she was taking care of him. She told him it was because she loved him, and then went to make him lunch. By the time she was done and came back he was gone. She got comfort out of knowing that was the last thing he heard. We all did.
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[] DICKFACE_McSHITBONER 121 points 7 days ago
Fuck... :(
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load more comments (5 replies) [] JohnVanDyke 72 points 7 days ago
That sounds so much more romantic than my grandpa. My grandma used to make him food and take care of him towards the end, so naturally he presumed she was the baker. So he would shout at the top of his lungs "BAKER!!!!" whenever he was hungry... Eventually this became too much for my frail litttle grandmother, so we hired a nurse who happened to be black. From then on out, it was "BROWNIE!!!!!" he would shout whenever he needed something. :/ Miss you grandpappy!
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load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (41 replies) load more comments (30 replies) load more comments (30 replies) [] AnarchistWaffles 1218 points 7 days ago
Don't be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet but never look up, she hates being seen.
permalink [] zeert 91 points 7 days ago
Balls there's a spider on my ceiling.

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load more comments (1 reply) [] PostsCrapPuns 329 points 7 days ago
YOU FUCK RIGHT OFF BRO

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[] athlete3000 82 points 7 days ago
Everyone just looked up...
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[] Byzantine279 132 points 7 days ago
I didn't. She terrifies me.

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load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (53 replies) [] dannylandulf 980 points 7 days ago
If you like these types of stories you should join us on /r/shortscarystories.

permalink [] SirChinkAlot 1045 points 7 days ago
you need another sentence

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[] Morten242 208 points 7 days ago
"Or else..."
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load more comments (13 replies) load more comments (29 replies) [] namelessuser 1032 points 7 days ago
After so many years living alone in this large house I came to a startling revelation. In this time I had closed far more doors than I had opened.
permalink [] Odddit 172 points 7 days ago
Stupid fucking WIND.

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load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (24 replies) [] pgan91 1405 points 7 days ago
She wondered why she was casting two shadows. Afterall, there was only a single lightbulb.
permalink [] TTime2517 1039 points 7 days ago
"Hey, who turned out the lights?"

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[] Ifeellikecheese 121 points 7 days ago
"I'm sorry son. I really am.... But you've got two shadows."
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load more comments (2 replies) [] JordanMcRiddles 39 points 7 days ago
Is that her? Is that the nice lady?

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load more comments (31 replies) [] Killllerr 306 points 7 days ago
god that episode gave me the creeps, i still check the shadows...
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load more comments (18 replies) [] xereeto 1055 points 7 days ago
"Donna Noble has left the library. Donna Noble has been saved."
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load more comments (27 replies) load more comments (57 replies) [] jmperson 2408 points 7 days ago
The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.
Your sister sounds like a bitch.

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load more comments (35 replies) load more comments (79 replies) [] Ravn000 857 points 7 days ago
It's been watching me for hours now... Sometimes I catch glimpses of its reflexion on the computer screen, but I dare not turn around...
permalink [] Dr_fish 1461 points 7 days ago
You could at least stop masturbating.

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load more comments (27 replies) load more comments (31 replies) [] Horseseverywhere 2124 points 7 days ago
It sat on my shelf, with thoughtless porcelain eyes and the prettiest pink doll dress I could find. Why did she have to be born still?
permalink [] Sticky69 1183 points 7 days ago
Fuck This
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load more comments (6 replies) [] pieguyfry22 921 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)
Break open one of those porcelain baby dolls you find at a thrift store, there lies a small and delicate skeleton of a stillborn baby, along with the dried husks of maggots long starved.. EDIT: Today I learned I'm Edgar Allen Poe.
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[] JaiOhBe 333 points 7 days ago
But shit it was 99 cents.

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load more comments (4 replies) [] Numnums1428 327 points 7 days ago
aaaaah wtf
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load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (17 replies) load more comments (59 replies) [] guztaluz 211 points 7 days ago
There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.

permalink [] forsaken318 45 points 7 days ago
Bae caught me slippn

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load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (8 replies) [] bentreflection 1603 points 7 days ago
The grinning face stared at me from the darkness beyond my bedroom window. I live on the 14th floor.
Window washers are known to be unstable.

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load more comments (57 replies) [] Fauxreguard 90 points 7 days ago
Reminded me of a similar one: I used to enjoy watching people walk by outside my window. That was before I moved to the 4th floor.
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load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (43 replies) [] golfmade 1599 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days ago)
I wake up and everything feels wrong; it's too quiet outside. I look out the window and see everyone standing still, looking at my house. Edit: Grammar and stuff.
permalink [] Punkwolf 1600 points 7 days ago
Damn that is some beautiful siding

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[] bengr35 326 points 7 days ago
Check out the curtains on this place!

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[] vulpyx 286 points 7 days ago
"...at the attic window, just above my bedroom."

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load more comments (17 replies) [] chapface 99 points 7 days ago
Love the ambiguity of this one.

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[] hereditary9 39 points 7 days ago
Yeah, that adds a lot to the terror aspect. What are they staring at? Why are they out there? The more questions and weird behavior you can pile on, the better.
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load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (11 replies) load more comments (104 replies) [] harshcougar 2412 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days ago)
Being buried alive was bad enough. Realizing I wasn't alone in my own grave was worse. Edit: Wow, this blew up unexpectedly. Thanks for making an aspiring writer feel loved Reddit <3
permalink [] PatMadds 1859 points 7 days ago
This sounds like a great black comedy / buddy picture

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[] bamitsmeg 2381 points 7 days ago
Rob Schneider is a wall street executive with everything going for him. The only trouble is: He's about to buried alive with a spooky monster. In this hair raising comedy, he'll have to learn that even the silliest of actors and the ugliest of monsters can become the best of friends. Tombmates! Coming summer of 2014.
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[] BraveNeckBeard 730 points 7 days ago
Rated pg13.
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load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (73 replies) [] vigridarena 131 points 7 days ago
I got the idea that the other body was dead, but I like your idea way fucking more!
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load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (49 replies) load more comments (44 replies) [] Philosophical_Robot 489 points 7 days ago
He came to my door near sunset, and put his cold hand in mine, whispering that he had seen "it" as he fell to the ground, dead. We still don't know how he got out of the morgue.
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permalink load more comments (10 replies) [] marino1310 2796 points 7 days ago
Try six words I just saw my reflection blink.

permalink [] jambrand 515 points 7 days ago
...God damnit. This reminds me of a time I was watching a sitcom on Netflix, and the video would glitch every few minutes and pause for 15-30 seconds at a time, but the audio would continue. When the video caught up, it would just skip ahead to sync with the audio. I was kind of doing other things at the time so I didn't try to fix it, but I REALLY bugged myself out when I thought how horrifying it would be if during a paused moment, a character would turn and look at me, even though the audio was clearly implying that something else was supposed to be happening on-screen. I thought the juxtaposition of how scary that would be during a comedy show made it even freakier.
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load more comments (33 replies) [] jshanthonymayne 1877 points 7 days ago
Take a big clean clear mirror and stand perfectly still for a couple minutes while staring directly into your eyes. After a while you'll think that the person looking back might be someone else. It'll make you question some shit.
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[] cgKush 1437 points 7 days ago
I've always heard to put your fingers on the sides of your mouth and pull it open as wide as you can - like when the dentist takes pictures - and then chomp in the mirror; it really makes you realize how you're just some skin on a skeleton.
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[] theyoungmachines 263 points 7 days ago
This sounds kind of frightening.

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[] HighSorcerer 259 points 7 days ago
Look at your hand sometime, and try to imagine it from the perspective of a creature who has never seen a human hand before. It's creepy as fuck.
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[] avantgardeaclue 91 points 7 days ago
I'm drunk stop making me do these things

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[] madelinealex 68 points 7 days ago
Ugh yes. Like what the fuck are thumbs. They're so stumpy. :c
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load more comments (8 replies) load more comments (30 replies) load more comments (8 replies) [] railmaniac 151 points 7 days ago
And if you keep pulling the skin comes off.
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load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (52 replies) load more comments (113 replies) load more comments (135 replies) [] abathingh 1134 points 7 days ago
Attending his funeral today was really scary. It might have been the constant muffled screams I heard or the worry of someone noticing the dirt on my hands.
It's easier to use a shovel. For both reasons.

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load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (12 replies) [] hctet 239 points 7 days ago
Working the night shift alone tonight. There is a face in the cellar staring at the security camera.
permalink load more comments (20 replies) [] Mikeyseventyfive 208 points 7 days ago
They delivered the mannequins in bubble wrap. From the main room I begin to hear popping.
permalink load more comments (12 replies) [] xeuphoriae 183 points 7 days ago
The lady with the mangled bleeding face chased you in the staircase up to the buildings roof. You jump off, turn your head to the right, and see her falling next to you. This was an actual dream I had. I woke up short of breath.
permalink load more comments (10 replies) [] aitchrjay 1240 points 7 days ago
Pet shelters close. Beef strangely cheaper.

permalink [] BDale56 301 points 7 days ago
Orphanages close. Ham strangely cheaper.

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load more comments (22 replies) [] hoeswillbehoes 135 points 7 days ago
And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick.

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load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (21 replies) [] Calamitosity 2756 points 7 days ago
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She asked why I was breathing so heavily. I wasn't.

permalink [] ItzFish 1179 points 7 days ago
The dog was worn out

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load more comments (15 replies) [] _vargas_ 1659 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days ago)
This is what happens after when you and your girlfriend have a drunken three-way with a girl you brought home from the bar. You always forget about that third party.
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load more comments (31 replies) load more comments (40 replies) [] tuskedlemon 2113 points 7 days ago
You wake up. She doesn't.

permalink [] 5iveby5ive 821 points 7 days ago
i woke up i found her that's all i know

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load more comments (55 replies) [] Sail_Away_Today 2491 points 7 days ago
"Perfect," you think, as you slip on your pants, bundle up your shirt, belt and shoes and tip toe to the door. A successful one-night stand with no awkward hello in the morning.
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[] chief_running_joke 986 points 7 days ago
You open the door and begin to step out onto the stoop and head to your job at the bottle-cap factory. Goddamit, another fucking day making bottle-caps, you mutter to yourself, and that's when you notice that the area outside of Sheila's apartment, which used to be a quiet residential neighborhood in South Minneapolis, is now a molten hell-scape populated by winged demons screaming for your damned soul.
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[] toxicbox 946 points 7 days ago
Damn, it's amazing how neighborhoods can go bad practically overnight!

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[] codytct 834 points 7 days ago
Thanks, Obama.
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load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (30 replies) load more comments (51 replies) load more comments (10 replies) load more comments (71 replies) [] madamimadamimadam 2316 points 7 days ago
You get home, tired after a long day's work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach
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for the light switch, but another hand is already there.

permalink [] RhettS 2869 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)
And this is why I bought a clapper. Come home and the lights are off, clap on, and I can see the serial killer who was waiting by the switch. He looks stunned and tries to clap them off. I clap them back on. We clap them on and off for a few minutes, but he soon realizes what a failure of a serial killer he is, apologizes, and leaves. Edit: Holy shit reddit gold. And I didn't even think the joke was funny when I wrote it.
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[] sdtw 2048 points 7 days ago
Your doom would be set to a strobe light and the sound of applause.
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[] yourpenisinmyhand 892 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)
Imagine watching that shit through the window. It would be confusing as hell. You see a guy walk into his house and suddenly there are two men facing each other, one of them screaming, both clapping furiously while the lights blink on and off. Then they start to run around the house, guy one still screaming his head off both clapping as hard as they can and the techno lights still in full effect. I wouldn't know wtf to think.
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load more comments (23 replies) load more comments (16 replies) load more comments (76 replies) [] jaketocake 1538 points 7 days ago
I'll make sure to punch the air if I ever need to use my light switches at night now.
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[] LilGriff 1779 points 7 days ago
It's really gonna suck for whoever tries to throw you a surprise party.
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[] OohButterfly 223 points 7 days ago
Note: Don't throw jaketocake a surprise party.

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load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (14 replies) load more comments (18 replies) [] Pepsuber188 810 points 7 days ago
Well thanks, now i'm never turning my lights off

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[] rolypolyman 835 points 7 days ago
Jimmy Carter is disappointed in you.

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[] RamsesThePigeon 695 points 7 days ago
It's behind you. It's always behind you... but nobody else can see it.
permalink [] speedyjohn 1446 points 7 days ago
What is my ass? I'll take "Ghoulish Body Parts" for 600, Alex.
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load more comments (14 replies) [] Mr-Rainbow_narwhal 559 points 7 days ago
Damnit Donna, why the hell would you turn left?

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[] MagicallyMalificent 118 points 7 days ago
There's something on your back!!

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load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (10 replies) load more comments (37 replies) [] NuclearPink 1249 points 7 days ago
Neatly laid across my dining room table, I found a dull kitchen knife, a torn, crusty rag, and a Flip video camera which seemed to be recording. I own none of these items.
permalink [] anonymous_abc 2012 points 7 days ago
Who doesn't own a kitchen knife? What do you use? Slap chop??
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[] hunkybaloney 673 points 7 days ago
HI IT'S VINCE I JACKED OFF

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[] NuclearPink 203 points 7 days ago
THANKS VINCE, GET YOUR DAMNED CRUSTY RAG OFF MY TABLE.

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[] pieguyfry22 279 points 7 days ago
LOOK AT THIS, CLEANS RIGHT UP BOOM NO ORDINARY CRUSTY RAG SHAMWOW DOES THE JOB
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load more comments (13 replies) load more comments (6 replies) [] rjb5000 174 points 7 days ago
No, NuclearPink just keeps that shit sharp like a damn knife should be (see: DULL kitchen knife)
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load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (53 replies) [] DetectivePenguin 1192 points 7 days ago
Do...not...pick.....up the cum rag

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[] Monkeytuesday 440 points 7 days ago
Trust him. He's a detective.

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load more comments (15 replies) load more comments (15 replies) load more comments (20 replies) [] skuppy 3443 points 7 days ago
My daughter won't stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn't help.
It's the worms. They've finally made it inside her.

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[] insolent_cur 1165 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days ago)
Shit, this should be its own post.

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load more comments (21 replies) load more comments (28 replies) [] adlej1 2600 points 7 days ago
I like this one because you can interpret it in different ways - is it a voice from beyond the grave? Or has the father gone mad and buried her alive?
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Or has the father gone mad and buried her alive Damn, I didn't even think about that. _
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[] deblimp 700 points 7 days ago
Really? that was the first thing that came to mind for me. Now I feel pretty fucked up...
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[] KissTheBlade 940 points 7 days ago
I can confirm, you're pretty fucked up.

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load more comments (16 replies) load more comments (20 replies) [] OwlsDiving 1511 points 7 days ago
Or... Dun dun dun
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...it's actually a mother.

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[] dabossdawg1 272 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days ago)
Reminds me of the "who is the surgeon?" riddle A young boy and his father are in a car accident. The father dies at the scene. The boy is transported to the hospital, taken immediately into surgery... but the surgeon steps out of the operating room and says, "I can't operate on this boy - he is my son!" The question: Who is the surgeon? EDIT: Some of you have some creative answers
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[] Winghand 275 points 7 days ago
The father in the accident was the boys priest, taking him on a joy ride.
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load more comments (8 replies) [] Sirrah1722 117 points 7 days ago
His "other" dad?

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load more comments (6 replies) [] watchaknow 321 points 7 days ago
I've heard an anti-joke version of this riddle meant for people who've already heard it where it ends "I can't operate on this boy - I'm a woman!" Reactions to that when people think they know what to expect are priceless.
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load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (77 replies) load more comments (29 replies) load more comments (15 replies) load more comments (50 replies) load more comments (57 replies) [] RamsesThePigeon 1965 points 7 days ago
When next you are completely alone, imagine you are listening to a sound of some kind. When that sounds seems to stop, you'll know that you've been noticed.
permalink [] rana_absurdum 413 points 7 days ago
thanks ... I will never be comfortable sleeping alone again

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We're watching to make sure you don't get hurt.

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load more comments (6 replies) [] Thrashoholic 858 points 7 days ago
I don't get it
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[] RamsesThePigeon 1844 points 7 days ago
Of course not. It gets you.

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[] Thrashoholic 1461 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days ago)
Ok I hate you now. It's 2am. I'm in bed. Family are out. House to myself. I just heard something downstairs. Shrugged it off thinking it was my cats. I let the cats out before going to bed. Help.
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[] PZ_EZ 1266 points 7 days ago
yeah good luck

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[] Thrashoholic 744 points 7 days ago* (last edited 7 days ago)
Can hear wind whistling. I'm guessing the windows open and the cat got in through there. I need the toilet badly. Please be the cat. Edit: Guys I'm alive ok. I just fell asleep. The windows were closed however.
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[] Dagoth_Draal 402 points 7 days ago
Anyone home? hehehe... creak... creak....

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[] namrogr 291 points 7 days ago
When you are alone at night and unnerved by a strange sound, saying "Who's there?" with authority helps by making you feel in control of the situation. Just understand that you are NOT in control when the voices answer you back.
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[] Xetalia 58 points 7 days ago
I'm too scared of a reply to ever do it :c

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[] nurseish 108 points 7 days ago
That's why I never look under the bed/in the closet/behind the shower curtain/other vicious killer hidey-type places...I mean really, what the heck am I going to do if I kneel down, pull up the edge of my blanket and there's a freaking FACE like RIGHT THERE staring back at me?
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continue this thread

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load more comments (67 replies) load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (38 replies) load more comments (10 replies) [] TheHappyClown 257 points 7 days ago
I actually do not understand this

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[] Thrashoholic 565 points 7 days ago
Dammit. Hes sort of saying. Well in my position. That there is theoretically something downstairs. Every time I stop paying attention it starts to make a noise. When I listen to The noise. It stops. Like It knows what I'm doing. I think.
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[] AberforthsGoat 1815 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)
Why are you talking. Like a fat kid. With asthma. Edit: Apparently people thought this was a lot funnier than it actually was. Thanks for the gold!
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load more comments (60 replies) load more comments (16 replies) load more comments (15 replies) load more comments (16 replies) load more comments (60 replies) [] fluffyponyza 327 points 7 days ago
Day 312. Internet still not working.

permalink load more comments (5 replies) [] Sgt_Ezio 1399 points 7 days ago
Most laugh tracks were recorded in the early 70's, and most of those people are dead now. That means the dead are laughing at us.
permalink [] Wild_Marker 1829 points 7 days ago
Well they sure as hell aren't laughing at Ashton Kutcher.

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[] batistaker 119 points 7 days ago
(LAUGHS)
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load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (26 replies) load more comments (35 replies) [] metamink 1131 points 7 days ago
You're the last woman alive on Earth and you knock on a door. Guy inside doesn't answer it.
permalink [] Tyr-on-Ice 120 points 7 days ago
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Similar situation happened in the Martian Chronicles. The man avoided the woman. If I remember correctly, it was because she was unattractive. I read this when I was in middle school.
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[] iamafish 63 points 7 days ago
it was because she was unattractive. Figures.

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load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (4 replies) [] timecircleline 195 points 7 days ago
Wait until he's done masturbating. Then you can go inside.

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load more comments (12 replies) load more comments (39 replies) [] nabilsultani 1901 points 7 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)
You lay down in bed and turn your lights off. When you move your hand, you feel seaweed, followed by a whisper that says "I'm ooooolllld Greeeeeggg". Edit: Thanks for the Gold. I've only been redditing for a month so now i have to figure out what that even means.
permalink [] redsfan1470 183 points 7 days ago
It's OK, he probably just wants to talk about the Boat Times.
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[] Jonny_Segment 47 points 7 days ago
That wasn't really a time. That was more of an exposure.

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load more comments (1 reply) [] thisdopeknows423 692 points 7 days ago
"You ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?"

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[] brandoncordell 140 points 7 days ago
That one's Bailey's. That one's Bailey's a bit bigger. And that one's as close as you can get to Bailey's without your eyes getting wet.
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load more comments (4 replies) load more comments (25 replies) load more comments (82 replies) [] Olive_Garden 409 points 7 days ago
I'm sorry. We ran out of breadsticks.

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[] FiftyDegreesOfMyopia 1469 points 7 days ago
Julia: I love you. Richard: I love you too, Maria.

permalink [] Hammer989 1488 points 7 days ago
This is a very sad story. Richard actually suffers from memory loss, and can't even remember the name of the love of his life.
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load more comments (50 replies) [] MonsteRain 517 points 7 days ago
what a dick
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load more comments (8 replies) load more comments (21 replies) [] anonymous_abc 1277 points 7 days ago
You start to drift off into a comfortable sleep when you hear your name being whispered. You live alone.
That's why I always return my grandma's phone calls.

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[] I_WouldntRecommendIt 212 points 7 days ago
I try to, but the other line is always dead...

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[] scrotum_nachos 26 points 7 days ago
You should tell her to switch to Verizon.

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load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (42 replies) [] Superdorps 583 points 7 days ago
The dead are watching us now. That's the good news.

permalink [] Freakychee 164 points 7 days ago
Well? What's the bad news?!?!

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[] fortydos 564 points 7 days ago
Cancer. The bad news is always cancer.

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load more comments (34 replies) load more comments (31 replies) load more comments (8 replies) [] StoryTellerBob 2046 points 7 days ago
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I kiss my wife and daughter goodnight before I go to sleep. When I wake up, I'm in a padded room and the nurses tell me it was just a dream.
permalink [] picsofacouch 1304 points 7 days ago
The dreams where you love somebody and they love you back and you remember when and how you met and its a huge connection, then you just wake up. Hits me in the feels every time.
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[] They-Call-Me-TIM 210 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)
Wasn't there a guy in /r/glitchinthematrix a while back who told a story of how he had the memories of a different timeline and they wouldn't go away? On my phone now so can't find source. Edit: my fault, it was /r/Glitch_In_The_Matrix ,so far no one has linked the exact story im referring to. Once again im on my phone but once I get to a computer will try to find it Edit2: /u/kmarti6 has it! Also someone else has a link to it! Such a strange story, but definitely worth a read.
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[] AgentOmega 92 points 7 days ago
I suspect you mean this post Edit: reading through some of these is really freaky, either our hold on reality as a species is far more tenuous than I believed, or worse some of this shit actually happens.
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load more comments (9 replies) load more comments (44 replies) [] CrazyTillItHurts 34 points 7 days ago
I've fell in love twice while dreaming. It is a completely unexplainable feeling to know that someone you loved is not only gone, not dead, not ignoring you forever, but just not there
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load more comments (7 replies) load more comments (55 replies) [] Phoser 650 points 7 days ago
This is one of my legit fears. How do we know it's all real?!

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[] Spud740 893 points 7 days ago
How do you know the nurse and padded room are real? You don't. Enjoy where you are now.
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[] jwallace582 89 points 7 days ago
This is strangely reassuring

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[] Northpaw2000 150 points 7 days ago
To quote Conan; "Let the philosophers squabble over reality and it's implications if it's an illusion. The illusion is convincing to me, so it is my reality." Or something like that.
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load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (74 replies) load more comments (39 replies) [] amberautomatic 1330 points 7 days ago
You feel the cat/dog jump on the bed to cuddle with you. It passed away 2 weeks ago.
permalink [] MRogers3 293 points 7 days ago
You feel CatDog jump on the bed to cuddle with you. It was cancelled in 2005.
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[] fat_flying_pigs 1593 points 7 days ago
"You feel the catdog jump on the bed to cuddle with you. It passed away 2 weeks ago."
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[] amberautomatic 935 points 7 days ago
Dead or alive, who cares. CatDog would be fucking awesome to cuddle with.
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[] futhatsy 506 points 7 days ago
I'm not so sure cuddling with a dead CatDog would be that awesome.
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[] ImurderREALITY 899 points 7 days ago
CatDog... Cat Dog... Alone in the world with a dead cat-dog...

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load more comments (19 replies) load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (23 replies) load more comments (25 replies) [] legoredlac 140 points 7 days ago
Damnit, must've left the window open!

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load more comments (5 replies) load more comments (71 replies) [] Eteled_ 1832 points 7 days ago
I came home today and opened reddit. There was some kind of sidebar on my screen that horrified me.
permalink load more comments (28 replies) [] rolypolyman 2675 points 7 days ago
The heart attack came and went, knocking Mike into unconsciousness, and as he awoke he
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could hear the graveside service around him. Somehow the casket was translucent to him and he recognized some of his friends, but his body would not move and he realized with terror what death really was.
permalink [] TheKamazing1 1116 points 7 days ago
This is the very reason I do not plan on being buried when I die. Cremation all the way, bitches. Seriously, what if you come back to life after you've been buried? You'd be so fucking bored for eternity, just trapped inside of a box.
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[] [deleted] 704 points 7 days ago
So being burned 'alive' is better?

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[] TheKamazing1 943 points 7 days ago
I'm assuming that once I burn, I will no longer retain any sort of consciousness.
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load more comments (124 replies) load more comments (23 replies) load more comments (98 replies) [] jax3294 2599 points 7 days ago
This is honestly my biggest fear. Imagine the boredom, imagine having the urge to masturbate... but not being able to grip your shaft.
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[] anonymous_abc 2274 points 7 days ago
This guy gets it.

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load more comments (22 replies) [] He_is_Risen 68 points 7 days ago
IIRC During the 1800's they had little bells on ground level, directly above a grave, with a rope leading to the grave. If you were buried alive, all you had to do was pull the string and pray someone hears it.
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[] andthenjaredsaid 219 points 7 days ago
Coffins used to be built with holes in them, attached to six feet of copper tubing and a bell. The tubing would allow air for victims buried under the mistaken impression they were dead. In a certain small town Harold, the local gravedigger, upon hearing a bell one night, went to go see if it was children pretending to be spirits. Sometimes it was also the wind. This time, it wasn't either. A voice from below begged and pleaded to be unburied. "Are you Sarah O'Bannon?" Harold asked. "Yes!" The muffled voice asserted. "You were born on September 17, 1827?" "Yes!" "The gravestone here says you died on February 20, 1857." "No, I'm alive, it was a mistake! Dig me up, set me free!" "Sorry about this, ma'am," Harold said, stepping on the bell to silence it and plugging up the copper tube with dirt. "But this is August. Whatever you are down there, you sure as hell ain't alive no more, and you ain't comin' up."
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load more comments (8 replies) [] DaPurpleHippo 171 points 7 days ago
Even if you do there's no room for the boner. That's true terror
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[] Reckoner7 128 points 7 days ago
Speak for yourself.

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load more comments (1 reply) load more comments (9 replies) [] 3026e16012a30e8f78f7 67 points 7 days ago
You should read "Autopsy Room 4" by Stephen King. Seriously, just read it. You'll know why when you finish it.
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load more comments (6 replies) load more comments (60 replies) load more comments (85 replies) [] Abe_Fuckin_Lincoln 2605 points 7 days ago
You're in the mood to watch porn on your computer. You live in England.
permalink [] SpiralGod 1498 points 7 days ago
CAAAMMMEROOOOOOONNNNNN -shakes fists at skypermalink parent
load more comments (38 replies) load more comments (80 replies) [] meiguess [S] 1823 points 7 days ago
You mutter the words "hey dad" as you recognize the familiar figure of your father in the reflection of your laptop screen. A personalized ringing signifies a text from your dad, it reads "tell mom I'll be home late".
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25 of 26
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26 of 26
8/1/2013 11:50 AM

What Is The Best Horror Story You Can Come Up With in Two Sentences

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What Is The Best Horror Story You Can Come Up With in Two Sentences

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What is the best horror story you can come up with in two sentences. : As...

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top 200 comments

[] justAnotherMuffledVo 3800 points 7 days ago* (last edited 6

21,291 users here now

This could be a twilight zone episode. Well done.

load more comments (8 replies) [] ocattaco 1815 points 7 days ago

[] Randamba 1103 points 7 days ago

The flash was a prankster as a child.

load more comments (9 replies)

[] OmEgah15 1278 points 7 days ago

[] theamazingroberto 247 points 7 days ago

load more comments (8 replies) [] dogo_xd 256 points 7 days ago

And then I realized I that I have twins.

[] Nosfermarki 2146 points 7 days ago

Today I Fucked Up YouShouldKnow FindaReddit

TipOfMyTongue PoliticalDiscussion Ask Mods

Ever read the reddiquette? Take a peek!

[] iyja 176 points 7 days ago

You would make a good horror writer.

[] Nosfermarki 305 points 7 days ago

[] Confuzn 66 points 7 days ago

I would so read that book. Shit that was an awesome story.

1. Post this to /r/nosleep 2. publish it. 3. ???? 4. Profit!

load more comments (2 replies) [] fortinj1354 201 points 7 days ago

[] Nosfermarki 110 points 7 days ago

poor Walt Disney

[] DolceSpezia 660 points 7 days ago

[] DICKFACE_McSHITBONER 121 points 7 days ago

load more comments (5 replies) [] JohnVanDyke 72 points 7 days ago

Balls there's a spider on my ceiling.

load more comments (1 reply) [] PostsCrapPuns 329 points 7 days ago

YOU FUCK RIGHT OFF BRO

[] athlete3000 82 points 7 days ago

Everyone just looked up...

[] Byzantine279 132 points 7 days ago

I didn't. She terrifies me.

If you like these types of stories you should join us on /r/shortscarystories.

you need another sentence

[] Morten242 208 points 7 days ago

Stupid fucking WIND.

"Hey, who turned out the lights?"

[] Ifeellikecheese 121 points 7 days ago

load more comments (2 replies) [] JordanMcRiddles 39 points 7 days ago

Is that her? Is that the nice lady?

Your sister sounds like a bitch.

You could at least stop masturbating.

[] JaiOhBe 333 points 7 days ago

But shit it was 99 cents.

load more comments (4 replies) [] Numnums1428 327 points 7 days ago

There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.

Bae caught me slippn

Window washers are known to be unstable.

load more comments (57 replies) [] Fauxreguard 90 points 7 days ago

Damn that is some beautiful siding

[] bengr35 326 points 7 days ago

Check out the curtains on this place!

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[] vulpyx 286 points 7 days ago

"...at the attic window, just above my bedroom."

load more comments (17 replies) [] chapface 99 points 7 days ago

Love the ambiguity of this one.

[] hereditary9 39 points 7 days ago