Plan to Practice Without Any Duress The first time an actor says his lines aloud isnt the

night of the big play.The first time a figure skater straps on a pair of skates isnt moments before competition. Yet, people who aim to control their tempers expect to be able to reel their fury in during a

Now that I had an image in my mind of the person I wanted to emulate, I paid close attention to her in a conflict. I noticed her wry smile and the way she shrugged her shoulders. When her buttons were pushed, I watched fascinated as she made a clever joke. When particularly frustrated, she gulped down a large breathe of air, smiled, and rolled her eyes heavenward. Palms turned upward, she shrugged slightly again and changed the subject when it became obvious she was going to gain any ground. Instead, she decided to just let it be. This. This is what I wanted for myself. Know Your Warning Signs I suspect for most, losing their temper does not come as any great surprise. In the midst of conflict, there is generally a slow build up. I further suspect that before finally and inevitably blowing up, most make an attempt at control. My advice is for people to pay attention to thephysical cues their body gives them that they are becoming overly agitated. For me, my teeth would clench and my hands would begin to itch. In particular, my hands itching was a pretty clear physical sign that I was about to start swinging them. If you dont know and understand these cues in yourself, you have absolutely no shot at heading them off at the pass. Follow Through Remember how I told you that you had to practice without any duress? Well, time to start practicing without duress. I pictured myself in the middle of a heated conflict and I practiced being the person I wanted to be. I physically practiced. In my head, someone would say something or do something that would typically set me off, and I actually physically shrugged my shoulders. I smiled wryly. I

conflict. It doesnt matter how much you really, really, really wish
you could calm down. If you havent practiced beforehand, its going to be impossible to control yourself in the heat of the moment. Envision Who You Are Take of a moment to picture yourself during your last outburst. Was your face all red? Were you clenching and unclenching your fists? Picture your face contorted and screaming. Picture your environment and your loved ones shrinking back in fear and/or horror. Dont waste your time thinking about what was inside your secret heart of hearts when you were freaking out. It doesnt

matter that you didnt really mean what you said. When youre a
violent fucking asshole, all that matters is what you did. So ignore what you thought and take a long, hard look at your actualactions. Envision Who You Want to Be For me, it was pretty difficult to picture myself without a temper since that was all I had really known growing up. Screaming was normal. So I had to picture someone else. In my case, it was a good friend of mine. Very simply, she was the nicest person I had ever met in my life. Further, she never got mad. Calm, easy going, yet assertiveI envied these qualities in her. Those qualities were exactly the ones I wanted to replicate in myself. Dont Forget the Physical

mastered the art of rolling my eyes heavenward. I did this in my bathroom mirror. I held imaginary arguments in my car. I got up and gracefully exited the room as if I were walking away from a real, live confrontation. If you havent practiced these sorts of things beforehand, in the heat of the moment you will be sorely lacking in any kind of muscle memory. Therefore, all of your wry smiles will inadvertently turn into angry grimaces. Act OK, so now that youve done what I told you, its time to put yourself to the test. The next time you enter a conflict and your body cues start warning you of a potential melt down (Are your fists clenching? Etc), think this sentence to yourself, Lights! Camera! Action! Then, act. Literally. As if you were an A-list celebrity in the middle of the movie that will make our break your career. Act. Smile wryly as you trained yourself to do. Say your pre-planned clever quip. Sigh and exit the room in such a way as to make the imaginary director filming you mutter to himself, He/she is a star! That person standing across the room from you? Theyre also an actor. Their job is to rattle you, but your character is not the type to be easily rattled. Once this is over, you and that actor will probably grab a bite to eat in your trailer. But first, you have to nail this scene. Will doing this feel a little awkward and weird? Sure will. But its better than putting your fist through the wall, isnt it?

Now a lot of people are reading this and saying, Shes asking me to pretend to be an actor in a movie! Keyword: acting! Thats not

being true to myself!

To which I reply: Youre absolutely right. You are acting and you are notbeing true to yourself. But yourself is a fucking

asshole, remember? Why would you want to be true to that,

particular, self? You, in your natural state, possess a di stinct tendency to act like a raging dickhead tornado leaving nothing but pain in misery in your wake. And you want to keep that up (despite the pain you cause others) all in the name ofpersonal

honesty? Come on! Get your fucking priorities straight!

Furthermore, the more you do this, the less awkward and fake it will feel. The more you act like your unruffled, Zen master, character the more you will, in fact, become this character. Pretty soon, someone will say something to piss you off and you will not even think about acting. You will just do it and it will feel completely and totally natural. Its not a character anymore. It is how you behave, its how you handle conflict; it is who you are. Its how you feel inside. Remember, when you have an out of control temper, its a part of you. That temper is who you are, fundamentally, as a person. It isnt a bad habit like biting your nails or twirling you hair around your finger like a moron. It is a major part of your character. In learning to control it, what you are asking of yourself is to become a different sort of person. Accept that, embrace it. Currently, youre an asshole. Thats OK because you dont always have to be an asshole. You can instead choose to be a nice

guy. Your personality isnt something youre born with. Its a choice. And with a clear vision in your head and just the right amount of practice, you can train yourself to make better choices. So how long does it take to become someone new? Well, for me, it took about 8 months. I acted for 8 months and then suddenly, I wasnt acting anymore. You wouldnt know it from this website, but Im actually a fairly laid back person. However, I still do have a bit of a potty mouth.