A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, Fre nch woman's poodle... The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My Fifi is using that seat.' The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired. She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!' This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defe nd my honour! This American should be put in his place An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to hav e thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.

My One day of employment

After landing my new job as a Bunnings greeter - a goodfind for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ....... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-act ing woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them a ll the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Bunni ngs." I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins. T he oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're t wins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe some one shagged you twice....Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings" My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A KIWI GIRL

Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first man mar ried a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean hou se and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all th e cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he sa w it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were d one, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from New Zealand . He told her to keep the house cl eaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he did n't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough tha t he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.. He still has some difficulty when he pees.