VOLUME TWO

$1,658,181.98

I S S U E 38
0 9. 1 9 .13
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Our Diva of
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Brings Home
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Sports, Page 5

It Gets Worse | Zero Honors Heroes | Diez y Seis Rocks | Due Process

P L U S : 7 D AY N E W B R A U N F E L S / S A N M A R C O S L I V E M U S I C G U I D E

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eling
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Due Process

7 Our spankin’ new writer

continues to run down the
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Diversions Monday Nights

Karaoke, trivia, pool tourneys, Pool Tournament 8pm
and the like. Tuesday Nights
Knives, Holsters, Open Jam by Uncle Daddy 8pm
Purses, Wallets, Thursday Nights
Advice from
11
Cow E Oke 8pm
Belts & MORE!
Uncle Esel BELT SANDER
RACES!
Got a problem? You will.
197 S. Seguin Ave
830.629.0540
Ask a Mexican THIS SATURDAY, AT 4PM!
Gustavo of fends in
Sept 20
12
two languages. E
COM RE!
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EXPL
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New Braunfels, TX 78130

NEVER
1111 N. Walnut Avenue

TUESDAY-SATURDAY
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 1 WORD
ST
WITH
Gunn and Done
MIKE had no idea you were an
REYNOLDS authority on all the details of
what transpired. Shut your
David Warren Gunn
It was a rough week for former Canyon Middle
School band director David Gunn. First he got
arrested for one count of improper relationship
between an educator and a student, two
counts of online solicitation of a minor, and
two counts of sexual performance by a child.
Then he lost his job at The Scooter Store.
Gunn, who was employed at Canyon
Middle from 1996 to 2010, is, according to
the Express-News, also the subject of two open
investigations by New Braunfels Police. As of
press time, no charges have been filed in either
of those cases, at least one of which involves
inappropriate electronic communication.
First up on social media were the
defenders, who quite clearly believe that a
person who is both nice and competent is
incapable of committing a crime.
Just as illogical, but most definitely
more disturbing, were those ready to call for
castration, beheading, burning at the stake
and other such un-American punishments of a
so far not-proven-guilty man.
Then a combination of the two came
forward. And that’s when things got interesting.
Our Facebook page was visited by two
extremely stylish, well-groomed young men,
who made their devotion to Gunn clear with
statements such as these directed at those who
expressed any concern regarding Gunn’s
character (NOTE – We have edited some
of the more vulgar words down to symbols
and a few letters, but if salty and/or hateful
language directed at Christians or masculine
women offends you, it would be best if you just
skipped the next paragraph.):
“If we are going to judge quickly, I’m
just going to assume you are one of the
four lesbians in your picture. Or you were
too dumb to get into the real A&M.” And
TXCITIZEN.COM 3
HUNGRY
GYPSY
RESALE
Single-origin Espresso Brews
Annual
“I will defend the man regardless
Handcrafted Blends • Whole Bean Coffee
of the outcome.” And “Oh I
2348 Gruene Lake Dr. Suite B • 830-643-1309 Summer
negative hypocritical christian
Sale!!!
###hole mouth. You hateful 1015 W. San Antonio St.
people are what turn good people Mon - Sat: 10:00 am - 6:00 pm
to temptation. EVERYONE needs to stay
out of others business. Focus more on your Outragous, Live Comedy with
f##ked up life for once instead of getting BJ Johnson & Slim Bloodworth
pleasure out of others publicized personal this Thursday, Friday, and
life.” AND “I hope your whole family gets Saturday night at 8:30pm!
cancer and you live so you have to watch
everyone die. :) Have a nice day c##t :)”
Open Mic Sundays
Yeah, they brought out the big guns, and
Monday Night Football
that got our attention. These two, young…
Tuesday Night Karaoke
HAPPY HOUR 5-7 M-F
fit… smooth… well-coiffed twenty-somethings
made it clear that they not only knew Gunn, Next Week's Headliner:
they had a great deal of anger ready to be Kelly Morton
unleashed at anyone who criticized him. Downtown NB, Downstairs at the Old City Hall Building
That’s usually a sign of something. We’ll let 200 N Seguin Ave • 830.629.2774
you figure it out.
Yeti Raffle!
We also got this message from another
former student, which caused us to wonder if
there had been cases like this filed in the past
(emphasis ours): “It’s too bad chase Cochran
New Braunfels Firefighters Pipes and Drums
that the case is already closed and done with are raffling off two Yeti coolers (35 and 45 quart) on
so you can quit trying to start s##t idiot”, and
“He made a mistake, and is learning from it”. December 5, 2013,
We reminded this young man that the arrest at the Fire Museum Wassailfest booth!
had just been made hours earlier, and that
posting bail does not constitute a closure of
Tickets are just $5 each,
and the proceeds go to support our mission of honoring fallen Firefighters,
a case. He came back with “Knowing him Law Enforcement Officers, EMS and Military Service Members.
personally and hearing it from him and not
the media does”. Recently our band has traveled to West, Houston, Dallas and
So far, the Comal ISD has told us that
Arizona to honor fallen heroes. As a Non-Profit 501(c)3 we depend
on fundraising to make these tributes possible. We appreciate the
there are no records of investigations in
love and support of our local community in helping us.
Gunn’s file with the district. We’re still waiting
to hear from his prior district, the Mission ISD, Please contact
because, as they told KENS-5, they couldn’t 830.491.2404 or nbfirepipesdrums@yahoo.com
discuss his history because his file “was in to purchase your tickets
storage”. In a closet, no doubt.
We’ll keep you posted as this case
continues. And keep in mind, y’all, that this
is still America, and Mr Gunn should not be
l u c k !
considered guilty unless proven so in a court
of law. And also that “nice” is different than
“good”. #sondheim
Go o d
Continued on next page.
 New and Vintage Vinyl and Turntables
Classic Rock – Alternative – Punk – Reggae - Funk – Soul – Country

Mr Tojo Flyin’ been told numerous times that I am

BUY I am writing this letter to the only trespassing, once by a teenage girl in
SELL news organization in the area that is
independent and not a mouthpiece
TR ADE for our elected officials.
I attended the 9/11 tribute at the
Every Saturday is New Release Day! Canyon Lake Dam that was put on by
the Canyon Lake Republican Women,
10% Off All New Releases! on 9/11/2013. I am a veteran of the
USMC where I put 21 years into the
defense of this country. I was deeply
243 N. Union Ave 830-629-2662 Like us on upset when I saw a Japanese Zero
performing a fly over our dam during
the ceremony. I couldn’t believe the
a kayak, I wonder who she learned
these laws from (great parenting).
The Schlitterbahn takes it a notch
further in my opinion though and
actually blocks the original channel
of the Comal. I enter this stretch from
the low water crossing on Elizabeth
St. (adjacent the golf course).
Neither me nor my kayak ever touch
Schlitterbahn property. As you curve
your way down the Comal, you hit an
area that the Schlitterbahn has roped

Half-Off One Entree ignorance of using an enemy aircraft
in a tribute to our troops and country.
I thought about this and wondered
with purchase of another entree and two drinks.
why they didn’t use a restored Nazi
Expires 10/19/13
aircraft. There really is no difference.
The Zero is a cool restored aircraft
Huge Play Area for the Kids • Live Music Thursday-Sunday
that is ideal for air shows. Not for
Happy Hour Monday-Friday 3:00-6:30pm
tributes the likes of which was going
on at the dam that day. The Zero was
also used as the key aircraft in the
“missing man” formation on the last
fly over. I wondered how all the WW2
vets felt about this.
TEX-MEX COCINA Y CANTINA Another disturbing thing to me
830.629.0777 • 1724 Hunter Road, New Braunfels was the sheer ignorance of people
when I talked about it. Many folks just
did not understand the significance of
what had occurred. I have contacted
the Canyon Lake Republican Women
about my concerns and I am awaiting
off, claiming a state waterway as their
private pool. Schlitterbahn has every
right to use the river, but so do I.
My fishing trip is normally
interrupted with a Schlitterbahn
security guard threatening to call the
police. Based on the time of day and
my success, I normally just paddle
away, a few times I have said OK, call,
but they have never followed through.
I suggest a flotilla and a naval
blockade on the Estates. Attention
all water lovers, let’s put in legally
and float off their little island, bring
sunscreen and a lunch!
From TPW waterway rights
fact book:
In Texas, the land under
navigable streams is legally open for

BAD DESIGN IS
their reply. public access.
Various state agencies have
been allotted authority over limited
If it’s any consolation, we hear they sell
aspects of freshwater riverbeds, but
a ton of Fat Man replicas at the Nagasaki gift no agency is generally in charge. As
shop. #oppenheimer #americanmade a result, when new riverbed usage
\m/ issues arise, the Legislature must
address them directly. When deeds
show private ownership of the beds of
The Kayak Menace navigable streams, some believe that
Thanks for getting off of Tim Zipp public use of these areas (whether by
last week, after all, he is just feeding motor vehicle or some other means) is
from the hand of our local politicians. trespassing. A 1920s law called the

YOUR BUSINESS
The issue is not his morals, the issue “Small Bill,” however, made clear
is the elected officials who sat idly by that the public may legally access
while he milked the taxpayers of the navigable streams regardless of a
city. This whole incident could have valid deed to the riverbed’s surface.
been prevented if council would have A 1956 Attorney General Opinion
had the guts to stop it.The Comal established that the public’s right
Call now. You can’t afford not to. Estates issue is much more interesting to use Small Bill streams persists
to me. Please note that the same thing even when the stream is dry. Public
logos • business cards • brochures • photo editing • web design • advertisements that the Comal Estates does is also access to rivers is legally protected,
done by the Schlitterbahn. and physical entry is easy in many
I fish, not good at it but I like to parts of Texas. Indeed, it is a
wet the line every now and then. criminal offense to obstruct the
830.542.9134 kayla@txcitizen.com I once found myself at the head inter¬section of a public road and
waters of the Comal, across from the a navigable waterway. (Editor’s Note:
Heilderburg along what is the old Emphasis ours.)
NBU utility area. I access the water
CITIZEN from the low water crossing there,
never stepping on private land. I have
Respectfully,
Dave Roels
4 AD SALES 830.483.9563
AROUND&ABOUT Team TX Citizen,
brought home th headed up by ou
e gold at the Ha r own Diva of th
ppy Cow’s First e Dish, Sheri Gall
Saturday, scorin A nnual Wild Gam agher,
g first place win e Cookoff last
Check out her blu s in both the sea
e-ribbon recipes food and co’nbrea
for both of our en d categories.
tries on page 14 o
f this issue!

Co’nbread!

Last Saturday, RiverCity Range once again hosted its massively popular
Mexican Independence Day celebration. District One Councilman George
Green was on hand to read a special proclamation, while TX Citizen staff
put their palates on the line to judge some EXTREME salsas to help raise
money for the Comal County Hispanic Council’s Scholarship Fund.
Luis Ramirez earned himself First Place honors in that contest, while TX
Citizen staff treated their burns with flour tortillas and milk
Crawfish
Étouffée!

- Q u e (R o n H e u li tt and
Team Brew- B the wild
d o m in a t e d in
Mark Andrew) me divisions, with wins
fowl and wild gaon Backstrap
for their Venis !
and Dove Ka-bobs

Team Brew-B-Que!

TXCITIZEN.COM 5
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 Due Process
WITH NICK ROGERS
Court Remains Busy in Scientology Case
The Church of Scientology sent at least a dozen At center are the actions of the “Squirrel using “dilatory” tactics. Jeffrey said that the Est. 1986
lawyers to New Braunfels last week to confront Busters.” A Squirrel is the name given to contentious information in Marty Rathbun’s
issues related to a lawsuit brought against the someone who practices Scientology outside affidavit is already in the public domain Friday After Work Party 5-8
Church by a Comal County woman. the Church. The Church of Scientology in books and on the Internet. The attorney Exclusive spot for you &
Monique Rathbun is suing various entities maintains that such practices are violations of noted that Rathbun’s affidavit was to counter 20 co-workers or friends!
of the Church, accusing them of harassment. copyright, patent and trademark laws. Marty Miscavige’s claims, under oath, that had never Free Food • Free Pool
On Sept. 12 and 13, Rathbun was seeking Rathbun continued to practice Scientology contracted business in Texas. Shot & Drink Specials
to turn a temporary restraining order into a after he left the Church. Spencer pressed his claim that while Drop off our business card or
send contact info to
temporary injunction. After opening statements, Monique Marty Rathbun’s information was false, it
party@wateringholesaloon.com
In a busy two days for Judge Dib Waldrip, Rathbun took the stand. Under questioning was privileged and confidential, prompting
the Church of Scientology International (CSI) by Jeffrey, she related anecdotes, backed by Waldrip to ask “how is something false
Sun ~ Happy Hour ALL Day
filed a motion to have Rathbun’s attorney, video, of what she says was a long period of
Mon ~ Monkey’s Miller Madness
privileged?” The attorney responded that if
Tues & Wed ~ Live Music
Ray Jeffrey, disqualified. The Church said “omnipresent” harassment and surveillance he had to prove the falseness of Rathbun’s
Thurs ~ Karaoke
that Monique Rathbun’s husband, Mark by the Squirrel Busters. She spoke of how the accusations, he himself would then betray the Fri & Sat ~ DJ Dance
“Marty” Rathbun, related sensitive and private harassment forced the couple to move from their confidence of his client.
information in an affidavit that violated attorney-home in Ingleside on the Bay to Comal County. Spencer then pointed out that Rathbun, as NFL Season is almost here...
client privilege. At issue was Marty Rathbun’s Monique Rathbun’s testimony was president of the RTC, was intimately involved Plan your Fantasy Football
statements concerning the Church’s attempts peppered throughout with objections by CSI in CSI’s legal matters, causing Waldrip to draft with us!
to find a Texas attorney to fight a 1990s-era attorney Les Strieber, some of which were ask if the RTC and CSI are the same entity, to Happy Hour Mon-Sat 11am-7pm
lawsuit brought by the family of Lisa McPherson, sustained and others overruled by Judge which attorneys for both groups denied. Nightly Specials Mon-Fri 7pm-11pm
a woman who died in 1995 while under the Waldrip. At one point, when Rathbun said Waldrip has yet to rule on the 1390 McQueeney Rd, New Braunfels
care of the Church. Marty Rathbun, who was she Googled her name, Strieber objected on disqualification motion. 830-625-0045 or wateringholesaloon.com
once second in command of the church before the grounds that “Google is hearsay.” The Become a friend @ facebook.com/theholenb
he left in 2004, is not an attorney. objection was overruled. DAY II, PART 2
For their part, the Religious Technology The most poignant moments came when Elliott Cappuccio, another attorney for
Center (RTC) and church leader David Rathbun related how she was sent a sex toy at Monique Rathbun, took up the issue of
BEST
OF THE

Miscavige, represented by San Antonio
attorney Lamont Jefferson, sought a Special
Appearance before the court, questioning the
court’s jurisdiction over them.
WURST
work, and when a female coworker was sent jurisdiction, arguing that Monique Rathbun is
flowers with a note in Monique Rathbun’s name.
2013
entitled to depose Miscavige to counter what
“I was mortified,” Rathbun said in tears. “How do he says are false claims the church leader CO-CHAMPION
you explain something like that to your coworkers made in his Special Appearance filing. BEST BAR!

NEW!
and peers?” When asked what she would ask of Streiber argued that the Squirrel Busters
DAY 1 judge, Rathbun said “just make it stop.” were not sent by the Church, but were believers
On Thursday, the court began hearing Monique Rathbun said the final straw came when trying to protect the Church’s orthodoxy and
Rathbun’s case for a temporary injunction. she found cameras on trees pointing at her trademarks by freely expressing their First Smoke free lounge upstairs!
In his opening statement, Jeffrey insisted Comal County house from adjoining property. Amendment rights. He admitted that CSI
that any actions taken by the Church against Under cross examination by Strieber, hired private investigators, but only to make
Rathbun was at the direct behest of Miscavige, Rathbun said that her husband did practice sure that the Church’s patents and trademarks
Specializing in
which, he said, he intends to prove. Miscavige, Scientology and is publicly critical of the were protected. Belgian Beers
as chairman of the RTC, maintains that he is Church and Miscavige. She also stated that In an attempt to explain the Church’s 100 Import Beers
an ecclesiastic leader that only dictates the she was never physically threatened by the organizational structure, Strieber and Jefferson
Church’s orthodoxy and doesn’t actually run Squirrel Busters. She then denied Strieber’s pointed out that RTC controls the trademarks 24 Beers on Tap
the Church. Jeffrey denies that claim. contention when asked if she was “picking a while CSI runs the administrative functions of
Jeffrey stated that the case is not about fight with the Church of Scientology?” the Church. In response, Waldrip asked, “Then
Live Entertainment
religion, but “about a powerful organization it’s (CSI) not a church?” The judge then tried to Full Bar
being made to behave lawfully in a civil society.” DAY II, PART 1 get clarification how CSI “is the business end,
In his opening statement, Jefferson On Friday, George Spencer, another but someone else owns the copyrights,” saying Pool Tables ◊ Darts
countered those statements, saying that attorney for CSI, made his case for Jeffrey’s that it seemed the organization that owns the
what the plaintiff and Jeffrey really want is disqualification. Spencer called Marty trademarks controls the business.
to depose Miscavige to gain leverage for Rathbun’s affidavit a “desperate attempt” to Jefferson explained that such practice is
their lawsuit, which would violate the First go after Miscavige. “In their zeal to go after common among corporations.
Amendment religious rights of the Church. this one man,” Spencer said, “they went way Waldrip then set Oct. 18 as the date to
The San Antonio attorney said that Miscavige over an ethical line.”
has an ecclesiastic exemption that prohibits Jeffrey retorted that the attempt to have
continue the temporary injunction hearing and
arguments concerning jurisdiction.
BLACK WHALE PUB
367 Main Plaza
civil courts for interfering in the ecclesiastical him disqualified was “garbage.” He then filed
government of a church. a motion to sanction the Church’s lawyers for Nick Rogers covers courts and crime for the TX Citizen. 830-625-6605
TXCITIZEN.COM 7
 CITIZEN SOUNDCHECK
Thu 9.19 Fri 9.20 Uptown Piano Bar Maurice T. Suttles VFW Post 3413
Barry Adams VFW Scholarship Fundraiser
Adobe Verde Adobe Verde 8pm Sam Bentley & his Honkytonk Band
Garrett Heinrichs Dry River Religion 8pm, $8, 12 & under $4
6pm 6:30pm Vineyard at Gruene
Daniel Thomas Phipps
The Pour Haus
Black Whale Pub Dirty’s Bar & Q 7pm
Full Service
TBA Sierra Cecil 9pm
9pm 8pm Vino en Verde River Road Ice House
April hall LC Rocks
Dirty’s Bar & Q The Happy Cow 8pm 7pm
Steven Roloff Kim Meeks & Her Bad Habits
8pm 8pm
Sat 9.21 Tavern in the Gruene
Kyle Reed Band
Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten Adobe Verde 9pm
Jam Night Cool Cat Charlie
w/ David Russell 6:30pm
Casey Hubble Triple Crown
6:30pm The Beaumonts, The Hickoids
6pm
Phoenix Saloon Black Whale Pub
10pm
Phoenix Saloon Marcus Morales Uptown Piano Bar
TBA
Lucas Taylor 5pm
9pm John Maclean
5pm The Beaumonts 8pm
AJ’s Ale House w/ Mayeux & Broussard The Happy Cow
9pm Eleven Fingered Charlie
Vineyard at Gruene
Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show Sarah McSweeny
7:30pm
9pm Riley’s Tavern 7pm

Billy’s Ice House Glen Collins Band Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten Vino en Verde
9pm Smokehouse Guitar Army Vagabonds
Cyrus James
1pm 9pm
8pm AJ’s Ale House
Lesti Huff Band
Cheatham Street Warehouse Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
6pm Sun 9.22
Foscoe Jones & the Distractions 9pm
Phoenix Saloon Adobe Verde
w/ Blue Water Duo Billy’s Ice House Jade Patek
9pm The Hill Country Gentlemen
Dean Seltzer & the Redneck Mothers 6pm
9pm
Freiheit Country Store 8pm
Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten
Open Mic w/ Fallon Franklin Cheatham Street Warehouse Riley’s Tavern The Blues Buzzards
6pm Braken Hale Band 2pm
Brian Keane Band
9pm
The Pour Haus w/ Garrett Snowden
Phoenix Saloon
Brett Hauser 9pm AJ’s Ale House Daniel Thomas Phipps
7pm Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show 2pm
Gruene Hall
9pm Dave Quanbury Band
River Road Ice House Reckless Kelly
7pm
Whiskey Rodeo w/ Buster Jiggs Billy’s Ice House
7pm 8pm, $22 Audiolight
Billy’s Ice House
Santa’s Rolling Reindeer
The Pour Haus 8pm
Triple Crown 8pm
The Christophers Red Dirt Ramblers Cheatham Street Warehouse
9pm
Geronimo VFW 8456
6pm Buster Jiggs Sunday Dance
Daggars, Wolverine Jive, Nice Dreams w/ Aaron Einhouse
Tavern in the Gruene Czechaholics
10pm 9pm 3pm
Jonathan Fox Band
Uptown Piano Bar 8pm
Gruene Hall Gruene Hall
Ashley Stone Poor J Brown
Triple Crown Bo Porter
8pm 1pm 5pm
Eric Hisaw
Vino en Verde 6pm Reckless Kelly The Pour Haus
Kabomba!, Sheer Khan & the Space Case w/ Bonnie Whitmore Believing For Bryleigh
Howard Yeargan
10pm 9pm, $22 1pm
7:30pm

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 BROUGHT TO YOU BY

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Roots & Branches of Americana
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Songwriter Showcase The Blooms
w/ John Whipple 9:30pm

Cheatham Street Warehouse Triple Crown

Canvas People Tony Taylor
9pm 6pm
Aaron Stephens, Andy Evans, Ricky Miles
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Wed 9.25
River Road Ice House Altered States Mike Crowe IPA Vinny’s ESB OktoberFaust
Empty Handed Vagabonds Buffalo Wings & Rings
Steven Roloff & Friends

HOME TO FOUR AWARD WINNING BREWS!

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8pm
Gruene Hall and Redesigned Guestrooms, Suites,
Cheatham Street Warehouse The Georges and Event Center, which feature 1920’s
Brett Hauser Band 6pm Art Deco design while incorporating
w/ Blue Water Hwy
The Pour Haus modern amenities.
9pm
Brent Woods
Gruene Cricket Pub 7pm JOIN US FOR
Trivia Night Every Thursday
Open Mic w/ Austin
8pm Triple Crown
Beth Lee
Gruene Hall
Open at 4pm Mon-Thurs & 12pm Fri-Sun
6pm
Tom Gillam Rock Bottom String Band, Texas Tea Drinkers,
w/ Kelly Mickwee, Wes Nickson Sasquatch Holler, VioLinda
6pm Find us
9pm
240 South Seguin Ave. | Downtown New Braunfels
The Pour Haus Uptown Piano Bar
Open Mic w/ Jon Magill
(830) 625-7791 | www.FaustBrewing.com
John Maclean
8pm
8pm

TXCITIZEN.COM 9
 Fri 9.20
SOUND TOWN OUT
OF
Sat 9.21
diversions
Buffalo Wings & Rings
Antone’s Antone’s Karaoke
Suite 709 Tuesday Nights, 7:30pm 21+
Cowboy Mouth
w/ Honey Island Swamp Band, Dr. Zog w/ O Conqueror, Antiques, Biergarten Trivia
Your Friendly Ghost
Featuring Guadalupe Brewing Co. Beers Thursday Night, 7:30pm
9pm, $15-$125
8pm, $7 Special Events Monthly
The Continental Club Dirty’s Bar & Q
Club Lineup: The Continental Club Fresh Handmade
Sandwiches and Salsa Karaoke
The Blues Specialists, 6:30pm Club Lineup: Wednesday Nights, 8pm
Private Parties- Catering
The Royal Rhythmaires Redd Volkaert, 3:30 Saturday Nights, 9pm
w/ White Ghost Shivers
Wedding Facilities Available
Jason Eady
10pm, $10
Live Music Every Night Faust Brewing Company
w/ Adam Hood
Never a Cover
Gallery Lineup: 10pm, $12 Trivia
The Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm Gallery Lineup:
Kid & Pet Friendly Thursday Nights, 8pm
The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $15 Marshall Hood, 8:30pm 1263 Gruene Road • 830.625.1045
Happy Cow
Cowboys Dancehall The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30, $5 Call for Hours!
Karaoke
Roger Creager Floore’s Country Store omalovesyou.com Thursday Nights, 8pm
8pm, 21+ $10, 18+ $20 Mario Flores & the Soda Creek Band
Pool Tournament
Floore’s Country Store w/ Cameran Nelson
BEST Monday Nights, 8pm
Josh Abbott Band 8pm, $8 OF THE

w/ Tyler & the Tribe WURST Old Ice House

8pm, $25
Red Eyed Fly
Cino Barnes, The Standoffs
2013 Karaoke
Thursdays, Sundays
Hooligan’s Bar & Grill
Jason Boland & the Stragglers
9pm, Inside
Fire From the Gods
Double Winner! DJ
w/ Mark McKinney w/ Good Morning Gorgeous, Detroit Left,
Best Live Music Venue Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays

8pm, $12 Taking on Poseidon, Ugly Twin, & Best Biergarten Phoenix Saloon
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Little Big Man, Chris Toast Trio Buried Under Texas, Teeth Are Swords Upcoming Shows: Thursday Nights
11pm, Inside 7pm, Outside
SEPT 19 Prickly Pear Lounge
The Dixie Underground Sam’s Burger Joint
@ 6 JAM NIGHT W/ DAVID RUSSELL
w/ In the Works, Abbey Rode (Beatles Tribute) Karaoke
Lady Zion & the Babylon Boys, Already Gone (Eagles Tribute) SEPT 20 Thursdays, Saturdays
Red Cap Marmalade, 8pm, $10-$30 @ 6:30 COOL CAT CHARLIE DJ KC
Brother Mueller & His Brothers Fridays
9pm, Outside
Stubb’s BBQ SEPT 21
Maggie Koerner @ 1 SMOKEHOUSE GUITAR ARMY
Sam’s Burger Joint The Watering Hole Saloon
w/ Erin Miley, Grace London @ 6 THE LESTI HUFF BAND
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w/ Ginger Pickett & the Troublemakers
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Stubb’s BBQ SEPT 26
Ewert & the Two Dragons @ 6 KING MERCY AND THE KWIRE Tripp’s Ultimate Comedy Club
w/ Trapper Schoepp Karaoke
9pm, Inside, $10-$12
See you there! Tuesday Nights

10 AD SALES 830.483.9563
 ADVICE FROM
UNCLE ESEL
Uncle Esel,
What is the deal with all the extra
Money that the City suddenly needs?
A majority of the property values have
increased over 5% this year which
means extra taxes to be collected by
the City from everyone, as property
increases are also effecting those over
65 years of age who have a fixed tax rate.
So the City will now collect taxes on that
extra 5% of real estate value that has
suddenly appeared in our fair City.
It is also reported that sales tax
revenues for the City have done nothing
but rise since the start of the year, going
up 22½% in January, another 22% in
February, 14½% in March, 9.3% in
April, 8.6% in May, 9.4% in June, and
now 14.8% in July. In July alone the city
has collected $117,000.00 more than
what was collected over the same period
last year. In total, for the year so far, the
city has collected 18.3-million dollars,
which is an increase of about 12.7% over
this same time last year.
Now we have just had a 6.6% tax
increase for our home valuations with a
new tax rate of 49.82c.
I was looking at my 2% pay raise
before taxes that I was generously given
by my employer this past year and
wondering if anybody else was thinking
same thing I am? The recession in my
household has just begun!
Oh and then there was the bond
election which was conveniently voted
into place before the notice of increase
in property values and the tax increase
rate that followed!
Oh and the rumor of the river tax for
tubers or is it a park entry tax that the
river ad-hoc committee is once again
tasked to consider? More money for
the city. With all this extra $$$ over last
year and extra $$$ going forward, are we
going to see lots of new stuff in town for
the City and its residents?
Paul
Dear Paul.
That certainly seemed like a long email with only a vague “I don’t know much” from some
a lot of numbers in it until I took out all the spaces random employee who they quoted by name
and realized what you are asking is, “what the in the paper. That random employee; Don
heck is City Hall going to give us with all the Wasek, the other owner of the entire chain.
money they are siphoning from the people?”
Yep, tax values are increasing and the Google and didn’t even realize they were getting
sales tax rebate is also coming in with huge
increases, but the city leaders are like crack
addicts, only they need a fix of legacy projects.
You see this fair city has people who
feel they must measure themselves by some
connection to some old dead person and their
accomplishments. You hear it all the time, for
example councilman Digges who was somewhat
confused about which old family member had
built the old decrepit underpass on Seguin Street
and a presented a feeble argument to keep it as
it was. Then we have some of them who want to
tie their legacy to an overblown Fisher Park and
TXCITIZEN.COM 11
the mayor has her field of benches on Walnut.
Build it and they will come.
Of course many plans don’t work out
and the Mayor’s failed legacy also include the
utter fiasco of the MPO (metropolitan planning
organization) that was bungled by her and her
main man Michael Morrison before he was
finally sent packing.
So this is where the money keeps going
instead of roads and that hunger is fed with
your hard earned money. Consider it lucky
that you don’t work for the city as most of
those employees are foregoing another raise
this year and being told that the vehicles and
the computers they use will have to last a little
longer now by Interim City Manger Camareno.
Yep, don’t be surprised when you find more
fees, including fees to cover the costs that were
supposed to decrease after the Krueger can
ban, and yet another outside attorney hired to
sue the Texas Attorney General. Hey Paul, how
about chipping in to pay for that Natatorium?
Uncle Esel has never even been to one.
Love, K
Uncle Esel,
Why in the world is Buc-ee’s
building more gas pumps? Every time
I drive by, there are bunches of empty
ones. What’s up there?
Thanks, Punkin
Dear Punkin,
We can only wonder why. Perhaps they
want the title of most pumps at a gas station.
Perhaps they have some complex about having
Live: 4.81x11.06
Trim: 5.06x11.31
more toilets (84) than gas pumps. Founder
Bleed: none
“Beaver” Alpin has lamented to the press that
it is difficult to run the numbers in a store like
the one here and in the world of convenience
stores and retail, they measure the profit in
Publication: NB Citizen
sales per square foot, and with the size, you
Closing Date: 5.26.13
can bet a potential shareholder would avoid
any future IPO for this privately held chain.
Uncle Esel couldn’t help but notice that the
QC: sm
Houston owned Herald-Zietung went there to
get answers about the pumps recently and got
Item #:PLB201310433
Job/Order #: 249290
Brand: BLL/SBL
Seems the HZ reporters have never heard of
short answers from the big man himself. Nice
job. I’ll also say, it’s a good thing they didn’t hire
the same contractor the city has for Walnut.
Love, K
Uncle K. Esel is a lifetime resident of our fair city, and is
well known for his sage advice on a wide range of topics. ENJOY RESPONSIBLY
If you find yourself perplexed with no one to turn to, ©2013 Anheuser-Busch, Bud Light Lime® Lime-A-Rita and Straw-Ber-Rita Flavored Malt Beverages
send your question to Uncle Esel at: askesel@TXCITIZEN. (Flavored Ale in OR & TX), St. Louis, MO. For more information about our products call 1-800-Dial Bud, (1-800-342-5283)
or visit us at www.budlightlime.com 6% only in ME, NH, TN. 6% and 8% in other markets.
COM. Be sure to write “Question for Uncle Esel” in the
subject line of your email.
 COMAL COUNTY’S

MOS T BBW
!
BLOCK BUSTER
ASK A MEXICAN! By Gustavo Arellano They fill arenas around the world, are

WANTED
Dear Mexican: Can I “Ask a humanitarians, and their music is
Mexican” why El Tri sucks so much? reaching a new generation, while their
WRESTLING And why a little stadium in Columbus, beloved Molotov, Café Tacuba, etc.,
ESPINOZA, Ohio was louder and more passionate can’t sell out small venues. Is it because
RAMON CAINE than Estadio Azteca in Mexico City, those fans themselves sold out and hang
Male • 5’07” • 120 lbs which seats over 100,000? Can I also out in trendy cafes in Polanco, Los Feliz,
DOB: 11/24/1993 Hallo-Fight ask why a country that lives and Silver Lake and other hipster hangouts?
CHARGE: Failure to
appear for burglary of
habitation
Fest breathes soccer/fútbol always freaks
out in Crew Stadium against my beloved
U.S.? HAHAHAHAHAHA I want to hear
Isn’t music supposed to be enjoyed?
Not a hater, pero me vale madre cuando
estoy clavado en un bar.
KRAHN, this one. Oh, and please don’t give me Latino-lite for life
SHAWNA SASSE an economic reason, because El Tri
Female • 5’0” • 160 lbs
DOB: 09/11/1975 Sunday, October 20 gets treated better in Mexico than any
organization in that country.
Dear Wab: I answered the opposite
of this question—a rockero who wondered
CHARGE: Violation of
conditions of probation Bell Time: 5:30pm Member of Uncle Chava’s Army why so many Mexicans love the soft-rock
for possession of a titans—so let me darle the question this week
controlled substance
MARTINEZ,
Alpha Crossfit Dear Wab: You’re not going to get any
apologias from me on this one. I’ve long
to Josh Kun, a professor at the University of
Southern California, author of the excellent
1152 Academy Blvd,
-

BENITO maintained that the current squad for El

D

book Songs in the Key of Los Angeles, and

TE

New Braunfels
Male • 5’10” • 170 lbs Tri is overrated and full of themselves, that a pioneer in covering rock en español back
DOB: 01/10/1984 Chicharito isn’t the second coming of Hugo when it was good:
ES

CHARGE: Motion to Sanchez or even Cuauhtemoc Blanco but “Part of enjoying music is hating the music
RR

revoke probation for just an overrated fresa, and that their since- you don’t enjoy, right?” the good profe writes.
Brazenly Sponsored by
-A

burglary of habitation deposed coach Jose Manuel “Chepo” de “For a rockero, hating Maná is not really a
la Torre was a disaster (quick aside: did choice. It’s a pre-requisite. Maná are rockero
VANN, JOSEPH

WE PAY
-

DERRICK ustedes see the mock poll asking people kryptonite, the ultimate rockero foil. The sell-
D

Male • 5’09” • 220 lbs whether Chepo had harmed Mexico more out scenario doesn’t really work with them
TE

YOUR UTILITIES!
DOB: 09/24/1977 than notorious narco lord Joaquín “El Chapo” because Maná never really had underground
ES

CHARGE: Affidavit of
surety to surrender Guzmán? God bless our gallows humor!). status. They’ve long been cologne-doused fresa
RR

motion to revoke I do find it funny that the United States can

probation for possession That's right, all bills paid! favorites, inoffensive rock for upturned Polo
-A

of a controlled substance only secure a fan base for its soccer squad’s collars, rock that didn’t shake any foundations
Come see us at games in podunk towns, that U.S. Soccer rarely or transform any genres or piss anyone off or
WALLACE, 5000 Old Hwy 81 stages matches anymore in major cities lest its get anyone arrested.
KIMBERLIE LOFTUS
Female • 5’09” • 155 lbs
in New Braunfels fan base get overwhelmed by the opposing “So when they get all the Grammy nods
DOB: 07/11/1975 Office located in Unit 58 side’s followers, whether said opposing side for being rock reps, the tried-and-true chavos

830-515-9129
CHARGE: Failure to is Mexico, Poland, or Iran. What are you so banda get their outsider values reaffirmed—
appear for possession afraid of, cabrones? Let the U.S. play Mexico it’s like vanilla winning the best chocolate
or of a controlled
substance
in the Los Angeles Coliseum—Mexico needs prize, over and over again. Plus, they (still!)

$200 REWARD 830-632-5627

more humiliation, especially in Aztlán, to get sound like The Outfield and who wants that as
its soccer act together and if that means not a soundtrack for desmadre?”
qualifying for the World Cup for the first time Good job, profe! I wish I could guarantee
FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST
since 1990, then I’m for it.
GreenTree
OF COMAL COUNTY’S MOST WANTED. this is the last time we’ll discuss Maná in this
Callers will remain anonymous. Oh, and you’re mistaken that El Tri is columna, but that’s as likely as El Tri winning
830.620.3400 - 24-Hour
830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri Apartments the best-treated organization in Mexico. the World Cup—sigh...
337 35
8am-5pm That would be Televisa, Carlos Slim, and
w 46 the PRI, which are pretty much one and the
The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas
Ne fels
Public Information Act Code 552.001 st.seq.annotated Public Record n Ask the Mexican at themexican@
and Information disclosure statues.This is a true and accurate 337 B rau 35 >
same cartel.
account as of Monday, September 9, 2013 at 9:30 am and may not
tin
askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook,
be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. For s
d Au follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano
anonymous tips and rewards, please contact Crime Stoppers at: O l 81
24-Hour Phone number 830.620.3400; Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm y to nio Oye mi amor: I’m not a big music or ask him a video question at youtube.
830.620.3411. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Sheriff’s Hw An
Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify 35 an listener, but why do rockeros HATE com/askamexicano!
the status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is <S
innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law. Maná and call them sellouts and clichéd?
12 AD SALES 830.483.9563

HELP
WANTED
The Faust Hotel
Currently looking for a part-time
night auditor. Shifts would be Thursday
and Friday night, 11 pm to 7 am, but may
vary at times.
Experience with accounting/
Microsoft Office/email etc. required.
Customer service experience preferred.
All applicants please email a cover
letter and resume to Reese Miller at
reservations@fausthotel.com.
All Fischer’s Pit Stop Food Marts/
Shell Stations now hiring for evening
and night shifts. Apply in person at any
CO-CH BAR
Fischer’s Pit Stop.
BEST
BEST MW INNER
BASEMEEN
Got a nice opening? We’ll help fill
it, FREE! Send your job listings to
gigs@txcitizen.com.
The Perky Peacock Presents
TXCITIZEN.COM 13
Continued from previous page.
“…and then he lost his job at
The Scooter Store.”
Despite their constant insistence that they were
merely downsizing and moving to smaller
quarters, The Scooter Store went ahead and
fired just about everybody last week. On a
Friday. Like last time. Unlike last time, however,
they let the rank-and-file go as an auction of
much of their office equipment was underway.
So to recap: The Scooter Store scheduled
an auction of its computers, desks, chairs and
sno-cone machines, insisted they were staying
open, got their employees do whatever prep
was necessary for the auction, and then went
out of business.
Yes, I know there are many readers who will
say that upper-management had no idea they
were going out of business until Friday – to them
I can only offer sympathy for their complete lack
of connection to reality. I’m a little envious too.
Doug Dollars were not accepted at the
AMP!
BEST auction.
OF THE
WURST
2013
AK OUT! SP
O
T BAR T:
In Other News…
The man who was 4-B President at the time
4-B handed over millions of taxpayer dollars
to The Scooter Store attempted to distance
himself and his fellow Board members from the
fiasco… by blaming the general public for it.
John Malik, in a post to the Houston-
owned Herald-Zeitung website, offered this
explanation. This is great (emphasis ours):
“The closing comment about the money
PAWS
the city stands to lose from The Scooter Store
was that the city should use ‘utmost caution’
when offering incentives in the future. I
‘N
was president of the 4B Board when those
incentives were given, and it’s unfair to just lay
this at the feet of city hall and the volunteers on
BRAS city council and the 4B Board.
“If you go back to when those incentives
were given, Scooter Store management felt as
entitled to a share of city incentive funds as
A Fashion Show to Benefit it did to pay well-above-average wages and
the NB Puppy Playland! get rich off products paid for mostly by our
federal tax dollars. Officials made it known
September 19 that they’d move the business out of town if
at 8pm they got a better offer somewhere else.
“There was broad support in the community
at the Phoenix Saloon to do whatever it took to keep them here.
I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a few
Get your Raffle Tickets editorials from the Herald-Zeitung saying just that.
at the door! “As uncomfortable as at least some of us
on the board were with the deal, doing nothing
Event Sponsored By: wasn’t an option so we did the next best thing.
TX Citizen We dedicated the money to assets that would
Happy Tails Pet Ranch remain in the city. The incentive money, as I
Kool Tan
recall, was used to upgrade reliability of the
William Edge Salon
MSP Studios power supply at Independence Drive and to
Lisa on Location help convert a long-vacant grocery store into
commercial office space at Comal Plaza.”
Ok, we got it. It was the community’s
fault. Wait. That doesn’t seem to line up with
what he said years earlier, when the money
changed hands. Which was this:
“The feeling of the board is that they’re a
very valuable employer in the community, and
we want to work with them to find a way to
keep those jobs in town.”
So was it the Board or the public that was
behind the deal? It’s so hard to keep what
these guys say straight.
Hey, I know what’d be fun. Let’s have a
look at what that money was actually spent on.
That stuff he described as “assets that would
remain in the city”:
$350,000 for utility upgrades
$1.25 million to retrofit office space
$2.25 million to train employees
Johnny, training is not an asset that
remains in the City. It just isn’t. These guys
weren’t even clear on what they were doing
when they did it. Madness.
Hey, remember the airport, and how we
said 4-B money wasn’t supposed to be used for
that? Mr Malik expressed his own reservations
about that in an interview with the HZ shortly
after Silver State Helicopters left NB holding
the bag (emphasis ours):
“It’s really on the borderline of what we
should doing,” said Malik, who was on the
4B Board in 2005 when it voted to pay $1.5
million to build the tower in 2005 as part of
an incentive deal with Silver State. “The 4B
Board funded building that tower. I think
there’s a level of responsibility. ... If we can
help bridge the city that’s fine, but I think the
city staff understands that we don’t want to
become their funding source of last resort on a
whole bunch of different projects.”
Huh. That’s odd. Well, I’m sure none of
this is anything we should be concerned with.
In Other, Other News…
Oh, hey, remember how we said that Tim Zipp
probably resigned from 4-B because of pending
legal issues and not because he moved to the
ETJ, as he and Scooter Store founder Doug
Harrison insisted? Yeaaaah, about that…
Last Sunday’s Express-News reported that
Tim, personally, is under investigation by the
United States Department of Justice for various
antics. Scooter Store lawyer Michael Clark is
being investigated too. As of press time, this
hasn’t been reported locally. How the Herald-
Zeitung and KGNB could ignore have missed
that, we’ll never know. #shills
\m/
Mike Reynolds
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief
Note: Due to space limitations, Part Two of our interview
with Tripp Marsalis will appear on page 5 of next week’s
issue. We apologize for the inconvenience.
 Hot in the
with Sherri Gallagher
Kitchen!
Last Saturday, I had the honor of heading up Team TX Citizen at The Happy Cow’s Wild Game
Cookoff. Here are my recipes for our crawfish etouffee and crawfish cornbread for which we
won first place!
Crawfish Etouffee
• 2 Tbsp Creole Seasoning
(Please Note! This recipe is based on my homemade Creole Seasoning – if you use Tony
C’s or any others it will turn out much too salty. If you don’t have my recipe on hand, feel free to
email me for it at eatdrinkandbesherri@gmail.com.)
• 4 Tbsp Unsalted Butter
• 1 1/2 Cup Onion, Finely Chopped
• 1/4 Cup Celery, Finely Chopped
• 1/2 Cup Bell Pepper, Finely Chopped
• 2 lbs Crawfish Tail meat
• 1/4 Cup Flour
• 1 1/2 to 2 Cups vegetable stock
• 1/4 Cup Minced Garlic
• 2 Tbsp Fresh Thyme Leaves, chopped
• 2 tsp Worcestershire Sauce
• 1 tsp Hot Sauce (I like Crystal or Louisiana Gold)
• 1/2 Cup Green Onions, thinly sliced
• 2 Tbsp Italian Parsley, minced
• 3 Tbsp Unsalted Butter

GREAT FOOD • Kosher Salt & Freshly Ground Black Pepper to taste
• 1 Tbsp fresh Lemon Juice
Melt the butter in a large cast iron skillet, add the onions, bell pepper, celery, and 1
& GREAT ENTERTAINMENT tablespoon of the Creole seasoning, saute until translucent. Add the crawfish tail meat, the
remaining Creole seasoning and saute until the tails let off some of their liquid, cook for 3-5
minutes more. Add the flour, stirring constantly for about 3-5 minutes.
OCTOBER 25: MA
Add a small amount of the vegetable stock, stir well to form a paste, add the remaining stock
OCTOBER 31: HAL
gradually, whisking constantly. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. You may need a little
more stock, but the end result should be the consistency of a gravy, not too thick, not too thin.
Add the garlic, thyme, Worcestershire, and hot sauce, a little salt, and some black pepper.
Simmer for 20-30 minutes.

Your NFL Add the green onions and parsley, simmer for 5-10 minutes more.
Stir in the 3 Tbsp butter, lemon juice, and adjust the seasonings to taste.

Cajun Crawfish Corn Bread

Headquarters! Makes 8 to 10 servings
• 2 cups corn meal
• 1 tablespoon salt
No matter who you’re • 1 teaspoon baking soda
rooting for, watch with us • 6 eggs, beaten
on 20+ TVs, • 2 cups minced onion
• 1 (4-ounce) can diced jalapenos, drained, minced
grab your wings to go, • 16 ounces sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
or let Snap! deliver • 2/3 cup vegetable oil
them to you! • 2 cups cream-style corn
• 2 cups crawfish tails, chopped

Buy 1 Meal &

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. With a wooden spoon or spatula, combine corn meal,
salt and soda in a large mixing bowl. To the beaten eggs in another bowl, add onion, finely
2 Beverages & receive chopped jalapenos, cheese, oil, corn and crawfish.

2nd Meal 50% off

Pour egg mixture into corn meal mixture. Stir until just moistened; do not overstir. Pour into
NB” a 12- by 14-inch baking pan coated with nonstick cooking spray. (Or see directions above for
t “ W INGS Dine-in only, limit one per customer.
Te x baking in a cast-iron skillet.)
727 Limit one coupon per table. Not valid
to 72 FFER
S with any other offers. Maximum discount $6.00. Bake about 45 to 50 minutes or until golden brown. Let rest about 10 minutes, then slice
A T O Valid at New Braunfels and San Antonio Location Only.
GRE S! Expires 11/30/13 and serve warm.
FOR V E AWAY
&G I Enjoy!
Until next time, Eat, Drink & Be Sherri!
830-626-9464(WING) Sherri
983 LOOP 337 • NEW BRAUNFELS, TX 78130 Sherri Gallagher is a New Braunfels personal chef who grew up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where she began cooking at
the age of 8. Her culinary virtuosity can be experienced at the Regal Ravioli food truck in Austin, (regalraviloi.com), and at
Delivery! www.snapNB.com • 830.358.7281 various catering functions and local home dinner & cocktail parties. She can be contacted at eatdrinkandbesherri@gmail.com.
14 TX CITIZEN
AD SALES 830.483.9563
 Last Word With Kelly Colby THURSDAY SEPT 19
Steven Roloff 8pm
*RIB NIGHT!*
Shootout at the Not Again Corral would expect to be able to give you a careful a troubled past, a history of mental illness,
I generally like to come home after work and and detailed account of the events as they a criminal record of astounding length, an FRIDAY SEPT 20
sit down to a little news. I divide my attention unfolded? Add to this the fact that reporters extreme ideological viewpoint. All of this Sierra Cecil 8pm
between that and some internet surfing while are actively looking for people who make for brings us right back to the gun control issue.
SATURDAY SEPT 21
I sit on the couch being pestered by my dog. good TV. Such people are almost always either Someone finally finds a picture of the
hopelessly vacuous (but they have nice teeth) shooter and it plays in split screen for the rest
GForce Karaoke 8pm
This works pretty well for me and allows me to
keep up with important events – until some nut
or horrendous blowhards (more interested in of the night. The picture chosen is either an WEDNESDAY SEPT 25
self-promotion than even self-preservation). old mugshot where the shooter looks drug- GForce Karaoke 8pm
decides to go on a shooting spree.
Interviews of these folks continue until the addled and mentally unstable, or a middle *STEAK NIGHT!*
Suddenly, my television is inundated with
reporters find someone who will do sound school graduation photo that makes you have
breathless local reporters providing the latest
lack of breaking news. Gunshots! Police!
effects willing to go on the record, they’re second thoughts about the neighbor kid who
Parties/Catering
everyone’s favorites. teases your dog. dirtystexas@yahoo.com • 830-379-8883
People running everywhere!
By this time, the actual shooting has Through it all, the rest of the news is
I flip from channel to channel while
been over for hours and the shooter is rapidly shoved into a box in some backroom filled with
otherwise professional journalists speculate
assuming room temperature. Even so, the unused and mismatched cables and assorted
wildly in an attempt to get the latest information
police continue to search for accomplices. light bulbs. On the upside, this means that
out first. It seems that the moment someone
(They’re operating on the same faulty
mentions an unsubstantiated tidbit, everyone the night’s human-interest stories have been
eyewitness accounts as the reporters are.) The
else picks it up. This continues until it becomes spiked. I have narrowly avoided the latest
death toll rises, falls and rises again before
clear that the information is bunk, at which ugly baby animal story from the zoo or the
finally settling on some relatively undisputed
point correcting the misinformation becomes grandmother who quilts for peace in troubled HWY 46, 2 MILES PAST CLEAR SPRINGS
figure. You can always expect the final number
the latest non-news.
to vary by one depending on whether the
upper Latvia. But, the rest of the news has been NOW SMOKE FREE!
ASQUERADE BALL!
The inevitable political ambulance chasers blacked out as well.
shooter is counted among the dead.
LLOWEEN PARTY!
rush for the cameras and the microphones. The I have visions of the White House
The injured are rushed to the hospital
gun-grabbers bemoan our culture of violence launching missile strikes or creating a
and treated. The lucky ones die. The rest
that could be curbed if only the NRA would document dump of immense proportions
can look forward to being made into the
stop defending that pesky Second Amendment. that no one will ever see. Should an enemy
latest expose´ by the nightly news from their
Equally goofy pundits from the other side use ever plan a D-Day type invasion on the U.S.,
hospital bed (“Nurse can you move the tubes PRICKLY PEAR
the shooting as an example of the failure of a shooting would make excellent cover; we
into the frame a little more?”), co-opted into LOUNGE
gun control. Sound bites and slogans trump could be speaking a new language before the
the latest anti-gun activist group, or chased
common sense and reasoning ability for the
next several hours.
by lawyers wanting to sue anyone with more
news recognizes that anything is even going
on. (Is that a tank I see in the background?)
THURSDAY
than $50 in their wallet. LADIES NIGHT & KARAOKE W/ JOHNNY V!
As soon as the flood of survivors comes At some point the name of the shooter will
Tonight was one of these nights. A shooter FRIDAY
pouring out of the scene, they are descended be released, and people around the country in the D.C. Navy Yard managed to shoot 12 The Mad Mixer DJ KC Rockin’ the Tunes!
upon by the media throng. Normal people with the same or similar sounding names before being shot himself. The rest is almost SATURDAY
fleeing for their lives have bright lights brace to be smeared. This never lasts too long, certainly of little importance. An angry man Open at Noon For Football & Free Pizza
At 9:00 The KaraokeMeister, Johnny V!
shined in their eyes and microphones stuffed but you can be sure your mother-in-law will (with cause, or for no reason at all) managed
in their faces. never forget, vindicated in her belief that you to end the lives of 12 completely innocent
SUNDAY
Open at Noon! Football & Free Pizza!
“How did it feel to be shot at by a have always been some sort of degenerate. people today, and shatter the lives of countless FOOTBALL FEVER! HAPPY HOUR ALL DAY!
crazed gunman?” Researchers jam the internet with traffic looking others. In doing so, he gained more than his MONDAY
“Kinda scary, Jim.” for relevant Facebook and Twitter posts, and allotted 15 minutes of fame, having achieved ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!
These questions are ludicrous, of course, keyboards smoke as keyword searches on a level of notoriety in death that he had no TUESDAY
but they’re more useful than when these same Google and LexisNexis are entered from hope of achieving in life. Enjoy music from the Phantastic JADE!
people are asked for their eyewitness accounts. newsrooms around the country. If the person At least this one time, I have decided not WEDNESDAY
The accounts make for good TV but are is even remotely swarthy, the question of to play into the game. As far as I’m concerned, HUMP DAY!! Get Your HUMP on with
Free Darts & Pool Starting at 4 PM!
of little use from an information perspective. terrorism has already been raised. this shooter can remain nameless and faceless,
None of this is surprising, of course. Just a few The shooter’s life is examined in detail. maybe I’ll see what’s on the DVR.
1051 N. IH-35
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short minutes ago, these people were scared His (It’s almost always a him) friends and
WATCH FOR THEME/COSTUME NIGHTS
witless, running and weaving in an active family are interviewed. Everyone he knows is EVERY MONTH!
You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug. SEPT 27: COWBOYS VS COWGIRLS
attempt to elude death as it rained down on shocked. “He was always so quiet.” We find
blogspot.com. OCT 25: MASQUERADE BALL!
them. Are these really the type of people you out he has pick one or more of the following:
OCT 31: HALLOWEEN PARTY!
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