What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is a violent confrontation between family or household members involving physical harm, sexual assault, or fear of physical harm. Family or household members include spouses / former spouses, those in (or formerly in) a dating relationship, adults related by blood or marriage, and those who have a biological or legal parent-child relationship. The batterer uses acts of violence and a series of behaviors, including intimidation, threats, psychological abuse, and isolation to coerce and to control the other person. The violence may not happen often, but may remain a hidden and constant terrorizing factor. Domestic violence is not only physical and sexual violence but also psychological. Psychological violence means intense and repetitive degradation, creating isolation, and controlling the actions or behaviors of the spouse through intimidation or manipulation to the detriment of the individual. Domestic violence destroys the home. No one deserves to be abused. The responsibility for the violence belongs to the abuser. It is not the victim's fault! Domestic violence, also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, battering, family violence, dating abuse, and intimate partner violence (IPV), is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family. Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation Domesti c vi olence and emotional abuse are behavi ors used by one person in a rel ationshi p to control t he ot her. Part ners may be married or not marr ied; het er osexual, gay, or l esbi an; li ving together, separ ated or dati ng. Examples of abuse include:

name-calli ng or put downs keeping a partner from contacting t heir famil y or fri ends withhol di ng money stopping a partner from get ting or keepi ng a job actual or thr eatened physical harm sexual assault stalking intimidati on

Viol enc e can be criminal and i ncludes physical assault (hitting, pushi ng, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse ( unwant ed or forced sexual activit y), and stalki ng. Although emoti onal, psychological and financial abuses are not cri minal behaviors, they ar e f orms of abuse and can lead to criminal viol ence. The vi ol enc e t akes many f orms and c an happen all the time or once i n a while. An important step to help yourself or someone you know i n pr event ing or stoppi ng vi olence is recogni zing t he war ning signs listed on t he "Viol ence W heel." The c h ar t bel ow i s a wa y o f l ook i ng a t t he b eh avi or s abus er s us e t o g et an d k eep c ont r ol i n t hei r r el at i ons hi ps . Bat t er i ng i s a c hoi c e. I t i s us ed t o gai n pow er an d c ont r ol o ver an ot h er per s on. Ph ys i c al abus e i s onl y on e par t of a s ys t em of abus i v e b eha vi or s . Abus e i s n ever a one t i m e ev ent . Thi s c har t us es t he whe el t o s how t he r el at i ons hi p of phys i c al ab us e t o ot h er f or ms of abus e. Eac h p ar t s hows a way t o c ont r ol or gai n p ow er .

Who are the victims?

ANY ONE CAN BE A VI CTIM! Victims can be of any age, sex, rac e, cult ure, reli gion, educati on , employment or marital stat us. Although bot h men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Childr en i n homes where t her e is domestic violence are mor e likel y to be abused and/ or negl ected. Most chil dren in these homes know about t he vi olence. Even if a chil d is not physicall y harmed, t hey may have emotional and behavior problems. If you are being abused, REMEMBER 1. 2. 3. You ar e not alone It is not your fault Hel p is avail abl e

Since abus e can happen t o anyone, peopl e can have special c oncer ns. If you ar e a p er son of col or . . . You m ay b e af r ai d of pr e ju di c e. You ma y b e af r ai d of bei n g bl am ed f or g oi ng ou t of your c ommuni t y f or h el p. If you ar e a l e sbi an, g ay, or t r ansgen der e d per s o n . . . You m ay b e af r ai d of ha vi ng p eo pl e k now ab out y ou r s exu al o r i ent at i on. If you ar e ph ysi c al l y or ment al l y c hal l e nge d or e l der l y . . . You m ay d ep en d o n yo ur a bus er t o c ar e f or you. Y ou may n ot ha ve ot her pe opl e t o hel p yo u. If you ar e a mal e vi ct i m of abus e . . . You m ay b e as h ame d an d s c ar ed t hat no o ne wi l l b el i eve yo u. If you ar e f r om anot h er c ount r y . . . You m ay b e af r ai d of bei n g de por t e d. If your r el i gi on m ak es i t har d t o get h el p . . . You m ay f e el l i k e you h av e t o s t ay an d not br eak up t he f ami l y.

If you ar e a t ee n . . . You c o ul d b e a vi c t i m of abus e, or at r i s k if you ar e dat i n g s omeo ne w ho:

i s ver y je al o us and/ or s pi es on you wi l l not l et you br eak of f t he r el at i o ns hi p hur t s you i n a ny w ay, i s vi ol ent , or br a gs abo ut hur t i ng ot h er pe opl e put s you dow n or mak es y ou f eel bad f or c es you t o ha ve s e x or mak es you af r ai d t o s ay n o t o s e x abus es dr u gs or al c ohol ; p r es s ur es you t o us e dr u gs or al c ohol has a hi s t or y of ba d r el at i ons hi ps an d bl ames i t on ot her s

I t i s har d f or t eens t o l ea v e t hei r ab us er i f t hey go t o t he s ame s c hool . Th ey c a nnot hi de. Ga y and l es bi an t e ens ar e v er y i s ol at ed. The y c an b e s c ar ed t he y may ha ve t o r e ve al t hei r s e xu al or i ent at i o n. I f you t hi nk yo u ar e b ei n g abus e d, t hi nk ab out g et t i n g hel p. I f your f ami l y or f r i ends war n yo u abo ut t he p er s on y ou ar e dat i n g, t hi nk abo ut get t i n g hel p. Tel l f r i en ds , f ami l y memb er s or any bo dy yo u c an t r us t . Cal l a r es our c e l i s t ed i n t hi s book . Th er e i s hel p f or y o u. You do n ot hav e t o s uf f er i n s i l enc e. If you ar e a c hi l d i n a vi o l ent home . . . Mos t c hi l dr en i n t hes e h o mes k now ab out t h e vi ol e n c e. Par ent s may t h i nk c hi l dr en d o n ot k now ab out t h e vi ol enc e, b ut mos t of t he t i me t hey d o. Chi l dr e n of t en k no w wh at hap pe ne d. The y c an f e el hel pl es s , scar ed a nd ups et . Th ey m ay al s o f eel l i k e t he vi ol e nc e i s t hei r f aul t . Vi ol enc e i n t h e h ome i s da nger ous f or c hi l dr en. Ch i l d r en l i ve wi t h s c ar y noi s es , yel l i ng a nd hi t t i ng. The y ar e af r ai d f or t hei r par ent s an d t hems el ves . Chi l dr e n f eel b ad t h at t hey c an not s t op t he ab us e. I f t hey t r y t o s t op t he f i ght , t he y c an be h ur t . They c a n al s o b e hur t by t hi n gs t hat ar e t hr ow n or we a p on s t hat ar e us ed. Chi l dr e n a r e har me d j us t by s eei n g a nd h ear i n g t he vi ol e nc e. Chi l dr en i n vi ol e nt ho mes may n ot get t h e c ar e t hey nee d. A p ar ent wh o i s bei n g ab us ed m ay be i n t o o muc h p ai n t o t ak e go od c ar e of t h ei r c hi l d. Chi l dr en w ho l i v e i n vi ol en t homes c an h av e man y pr obl ems . Th ey c an ha ve t r o ubl e s l ee pi n g. The y c an h av e t r oubl e i n s c hool a nd g et t i ng al on g wi t h ot her s . The y of t e n f eel s ad an d s c ar ed al l t he t i me. The y ma y gr o w up f eel i ng b ad ab out t he ms el ves . Thes e pr obl e ms do n ot go a wa y on t hei r ow n. Th ey c a n be t her e e ve n as t he c hi l d get s ol der . Ther e i s hel p f or c hi l dr en i n vi ol e nt hom es .

Who Are The Abusers?

Abusers ar e not easy t o spot. Ther e is no 'typical' abuser. In public, t hey may appear friendl y and l ovi ng t o their part ner and family. They oft en only abuse behi nd cl osed door s. They also try to hi de t he abus e by causi ng i njuri es that can be hi dden and do not need a doctor. Abuse is not an accident. I t does not happen because someone was stressed - out, drinking, or using dr ugs. A buse is an intenti onal act that one pers on uses in a rel ati ons hip t o control t he other. Abus ers have learned to abuse s o that they can get what they want. The abus e may be physical, sexual, emoti onal , and ps ychological. Abusers oft en have low sel f -esteem. They do not t ake responsibilit y for t heir actions. They may even bl ame the victim f or causi ng t he vi olence. I n most cases, men abuse f emal e victims. It is important to remember that women can also be abus er s and men can be victims.

What is Abuse? - A Warning List

Man y pe opl e wh o ar e b ei n g ab us ed d o n ot s ee t hem s el ves as vi c t i ms . Al s o, abus er s do not s ee t hems el v es as bei n g a bus i ve. P eo pl e of t e n t hi nk of dom es t i c vi ol enc e as ph ys i c al vi ol e nc e, s uc h as hi t t i ng. Howe ver , d omes t i c vi ol enc e t ak es ot her f or ms , s uc h as

ps yc hol o gi c al , emot i o nal , or s exual a bus e. Domes t i c vi ol enc e i s ab ou t one p er s on i n a r el at i o ns hi p us i ng a pat t er n of be h avi or s t o c ont r ol t he ot h er per s on. I t c an hap pe n t o pe opl e wh o ar e mar r i ed or not mar r i ed; het er os e xu al , ga y, or l es bi an; l i vi ng t o get h er , s epar a t ed, or dat i n g. I f your par t n er r epe at edl y us es one or mor e of t he f o l l owi ng t o c ont r ol y ou;

pus hi n g, hi t t i ng, s l appi ng, c hok i ng, k i c ki ng, or bi t i ng t hr eat e ni ng yo u, yo ur c hi l dr en, ot her f ami l y m emb er s or pet s t hr eat e ni ng s ui c i de t o get you t o d o s om et hi n g us i ng or t hr eat eni n g t o us e a we ap on a gai ns t you k eepi n g or t ak i ng y our p ay c hec k put s you dow n or mak es y ou f eel bad f or c i ng you t o ha ve s e x or t o do s e xual ac t s you do n ot want or l i k e k eepi n g yo u f r om s eei n g y our f r i ends , f ami l y or f r om goi n g t o wor k

Cycle of Violence
I nci de nt Any t y pe of ab us e oc c ur s (phys i c al / s e xu al / emot i on al ) T ensi on B ui l di ng Abus er s t ar t s t o get angr y Abus e m ay b egi n Ther e i s a br e ak dow n of c ommu ni c at i on Vi c t i m f eel s t he need t o k e ep t he ab us er c al m Tens i o n bec om es t oo muc h Vi c t i m f eel s l ik e t hey ar e ' wal k i ng o n eg g s hel l s ' Maki n g- Up Abus er Abus er Abus er Abus er Cal m

ma y ma y ma y ma y

a pol o gi z e f or abus e pr omi s e i t wi l l nev er ha pp en a gai n bl am e t he vi c t i m f or c aus i ng t he ab us e d en y ab us e t o ok pl ac e or s ay i t was not as bad as t he vi c t i m c l ai ms

Abus er ac t s l i k e t he abus e nev er ha pp en ed Phys i c al ab us e may not b e t ak i ng pl ac e Pr omi s es made d ur i ng ' ma k i ng - up' may be met Vi c t i m may hop e t hat t h e a bus e i s over Abus er ma y gi v e gi f t s t o vi c t i m

The c yc l e c an h ap pe n h un dr eds of t i mes i n an a bus i ve r el at i o ns hi p. Eac h s t ag e l as t s a di f f er ent am ou nt of t i me i n a r el at i ons hi p. T he t ot al c yc l e c an t ak e an yw her e f r om a f ew h our s t o a ye ar or mor e t o c ompl et e. I t i s i mpor t ant t o r emem be r t hat not al l dom es t i c vi ol enc e r el at i o ns hi ps f i t t he cyc l e. Of t en, as t i me goes o n, t he ' mak i ng - up' an d ' c al m' s t ages di s appe ar .

What are the Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence?

The long term effects of domestic violence have not begun to be fully documented. Battered women suffer physical and mental problems as a result of domestic violence. Battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant that auto accidents, rapes, or muggings. In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers may be more costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. Many of the physical injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women grow older. Arthritis, hypertension and heart disease have been identified by battered women as directly caused or aggravated by domestic violence suffered early in their adult lives. Battered women lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result of the violence. Absences occasioned by court appearances also jeopardize women's livelihood. Battered women may have to move many times to avoid violence. Moving is costly and can interfere with continuity of employment. Battered women often lose family and friends as a result of the battering. First, the batterer isolates them from family and friends. Battered women then become embarrassed by the abuse inflicted upon them and withdraw from support persons to avoid embarrassment. Some battered women are abandoned by their church when separating from abusers, since some religious doctrines prohibit separation or divorce regardless of the severity of abuse.

Many battered women have had to forgo financial security during divorce proceedings to avoid further abuse. As a result they are impoverished as they grow older. One-third of the children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate significant behavioral and/or emotional problems, including psychosomatic disorders, stuttering, anxiety and fears, sleep disruption, excessive crying and school problems. Those boys who witness their fathers' abuse of their mothers are more likely to inflict severe violence as adults. Data suggest that girls who witness maternal abuse may tolerate abuse as adults more than girls who do not. These negative effects maybe diminished if the child benefits from intervention by the law and domestic violence programs.

The impact of Domestic Violence on Women

Domestic violence has a significant impact on the health and well-being of women both in the immediate and longer term, continuing even after the relationship has ended. The psychological consequences of violence can be as serious as the physical effects. Exposure to violence leads to poorer physical health overall compared with women who have not experienced violence and it increases the risk of women developing a range of health problems (World Health Organisation 2000). One Australian study found intimate partner violence was the leading contributor to death, disability and illness in Victorian women aged 15 to 44 (VicHealth 2004). Some immediate health impacts may include:

Physical injuries - such as cuts, scrapes and bruises, fractures, dislocated bones Hearing loss Vision loss Miscarriage or early delivery Sexually transmitted diseases Knife wounds Gunshot wounds Homicide

Longer term health impacts may include:

Gastrointestinal disorders associated with stress Headaches Back pain Fainting Seizures Gynaecological problems Anxiety Depression Eating disorders Post traumatic stress disorder Sleep disturbances Alcohol and substance misuse Smoking throughout pregnancy Homelessness Suicide Homicide

How does Domestic Violence Affect Children?

Violence and the threat of violence at home create fear and can destroy normal family functioning. Violence in the home also affects children. Children and young people don't have to see the violence to be affected by it. Living with domestic violence can cause physical and emotional harm to children and young people. Children and young people who live with domestic violence are more likely to display aggressive behavior, experience anxiety, have reduced social skills, suffer symptoms of depression and show emotional distress. The tragic reality is that anytime a mother is abused by her partner, the children are also affected in both overt and subtle ways. What hurts the mother, hurts the children. When a mother is abused, the children may feel guilty that they cannot protect her, or that they are the cause of the strife. They may themselves be abused, or neglected while the mother attempts to deal with the trauma. The rate of child abuse is 6-15 times higher in families where the mother is abused.

Children get hurt when they see their parents being yelled at, pushed, or hit. They may feel confusion, stress, fear, shame, or think that they caused the problem. Children grow up learning that it's okay to hurt other people or let other people hurt them. A third of all children who see their mothers beaten develop emotional problems. Boys who see their fathers beat their mothers are ten times more likely to be abusive in their adult intimate relationships. Children may exhibit emotional problems, cry excessively, or be withdrawn or shy. Children may have difficulty making friends or have fear of adults. Children may suffer from depression and excessive absences from school. Children may use violence for solving problems at school and home. Children may be at greater risk of being a runaway, being suicidal, or committing criminal acts as juveniles and adults. Children who are experiencing stress may show it indifferent ways, including difficulty in sleeping, bedwetting, over-achieving, behavior problems, withdrawing, stomach aches, headaches and/or diarrhea. Children who grow up in violent homes have much higher risks of becoming drug or alcohol abusers or being involved in abusive relationships, as a batterer or a victim. Children do not have to be abused themselves in order to be impacted by violence in the home. The only answer to this problem is to treat domestic violence for what it is - a crime. We must fight the societal values that reinforce the stereotypes that encourage men to act aggressively and use violence to solve problems; that women are weak and submissive and should accept male dominance as the norm. Children must be taught at an early age non-violent conflict resolution. In homes where domestic violence occurs, fear, instability, and confusion replace the love, comfort, and nurturing children need. These children live in constant fear of physical harm from the person who is supposed to care for and protect them. They may feel guilt at loving the abuser or blame themselves for causing the violence. Based on interviews with children in battered women's shelters, 85% of children had stayed twice with friends or relatives because of the violence, and 75% over the age of 15 had run away at least twice. Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate 1500% higher than the national average. Boys who witness family violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults, and girls who witness their mother's abuse have a higher rate of being battered as adults. These common sense observations are fact, not myth. For optimal development, children and young people need to grow up in a secure and nurturing environment. Where domestic or family violence exists, the home is not safe or secure and children are scared about what might happen to them and the people they love. Studies show that children who have witnessed domestic violence are more likely to: show aggressive behavior develop phobias and insomnia experience anxiety show symptoms of depression have diminished self esteem demonstrate poor academic performance and problem solving skills have reduced social competence skills, including low levels of empathy show emotional distress have physical complaints.

What Can I Do To Be Safe?

Call the police If you feel you ar e in danger from your abuser at any time, your local police. Consi der the foll owing:

If you ar e in danger when t he police come, they can protect you. They c an help you and your children leave your home safel y. They c an arrest your abuser when they have enough proof that you have been abus ed. They c an arrest your abuser if a personal pr otection order (PPO) has been viol ated. W hen the polic e come, tell them ever ythi ng the abuser did t hat made you c all. If you have been hit, t ell the police where. Tell t hem how many times it happened. Show them any marks left on your body. Marks may tak e time to show up. If you s ee a mark after t he polic e leave, call the polic e to t ake pictures of the marks. They may be used in court. If your abus er has br oken any propert y, show t he poli ce. The police c an give you i nf ormati on on domestic viol ence programs and shelters.

The police must make a report sayi ng what happened to you. Polic e reports can be used in court if your abus er is charged wit h a crime. Get the officers' names, badge numbers, and t he r eport number in cas e you need a copy of t he r eport. A police report can be us ed to hel p you get a PPO.

Get support from friend s and famil y Tell your supporti ve f amil y, friends and co - workers what has happened.

Find a saf e pl ace It is not fair. You shoul d not have t o l eave your home bec aus e of what your abus er has done. But sometimes it is the onl y way you will be saf e. There ar e shelt ers that can hel p you move to a diff erent city or state. HAVEN c an put you i n touch with them.

Get medi cal hel p If you have been hurt, go t o the hospit al or your doct or. Domestic vi olence advocates (peopl e to hel p you) may be c alled to the hos pital. They ar e ther e to give you support. You may ask medical staff to c all one for you. Medical rec ords can be import ant i n court cases. They can also help you get a PPO. Gi ve all the i nformati on about your injuri es and who hurt you t hat you f eel s afe t o gi ve. Speci al medi cal concer ns

Sometimes you may not even k now you ar e hurt. W hat seems like a small i njury coul d be a bi g one. If you ar e pr egnant and you were hit in your stomach, tell the doctor. Many abusers hurt unbor n chil dren. Domestic viol ence victims can be i n danger of cl osed head injuries. This is bec aus e their abus ers often hit t hem in t he head. If any of these t hings happen after a hit t o the head, get medical car e right away. Memory l oss Dizziness Problems with eyesight Thr owi ng- up Headache th at will not go away

Get a personal prot ection order Make a safet y pl an Plan what t o do bef ore or when you f eel unsaf e.

Source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence, http://www.domesticviolence.org/, Browne, Angela. When Battered Women Kill. (The Free Press 1987). Ewing, Charles Patrick. Battered Women Who Kill. (Lexington Books 1987)., Shattered Lives," Georgia Department of Human Resources Family Violence Manual, January 1992. Maria Roy, Children in the Crossfire, 1988.