Jackie Pham 8616 Grey Squirrel Ct. Charlotte, NC @28277 Pham.jackie@rocketmail.

com 704-458-9910 September 16, 2013 Jackie Pham 8616 Grey Squirrel Ct. Charlotte, NC @28277 Pham.jackie@rocketmail.com 704-458-9910 September 16, 2013 To: Apple Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to you today to inform you of a defect in the sleep button feature on my iPhone 5. On January 6, 2012, I received the device as a birthday gift from my parents. The moment I saw my iPhone 5, I was thrilled because I am an avid user of apple products and this was to be my third iPhone. There was much hype about how the new iPhone had been reinvented and was now better than ever. As I held the slim, smooth phone in my hand, I was in awe as to how marvelous the phone truly was. I promised myself I would keep the phone untainted and protect it, in hopes of being to able to use it for two years under contract. This phone was my most prized possession. Unfortunately, the iPhone 5 did not live up to my expectations. Within the first year the sleep button was unresponsive and would only shut off my phone when the button was pressed at certain angles. I was genuinely disappointed. I kept the phone as flawless as possible and yet within a few months the phone was already broken. My first phone was an iPhone and I have been a loyal Apple supporter ever since, but if your future products continue to be made with defects, I will consider changing my phone to a different company. When the iPhone 5 was first released it was said to be durable and very well crafted, obviously not. Being born in the 20th century, I am a frequent user of technology because todays society runs off of information. I use my iPhone numerous times a day for a variety of things, from looking up information to doing basic calculations. The typical iPhone battery lasts about 5 hours with moderate usage. Not being able to lock my iPhone screen reduces battery life significantly, making me unable to use my phone to its maximum potential. I understand that manufacturers produce the phone in massive quantities and some may have defects, the world is not perfect. But not only am I facing this problem but 90% of the reviews I read, also suffer from the same problem. I have never had any issues with my other iPhones and they were in fact quite durable. I dropped my iPhone 4 roughly 20 times throughout the two years I had the phone, and never did any part of the phone malfunction. The thing that agitates me is how meticulous I was about keeping the phone preserved and yet the phone still has an impairment. I am a huge fan of Apple and use almost all of your products, and this defect has caused a great concern in how trustworthy your products are. The iPhone was not a cheap product, my parents spent a good amount of money on the phone and my expectations were set at a high bar. If the phone did not cost, as much then I would not be so concerned, but since my parents had to pay a high amount and wait in line for this product, I am thoroughly disappointed. I ask Apple to ensure that iPhones in the future
Formatted: Right

Comment [AP1]: Dont put this in the actual header. It doesnt need to repeat itself.

Comment [AP2]: Good, establishing a rapport. Comment [AP3]: Nice, I think the detail here lends credibility. Comment [AP4]: Maybe laying it on a little thick. Some of this might be delete-able, since you should be striving for a neat, concise letter. Comment [AP5]: Again maybe too thick. And the shortness of the sentence suggests insincerity, even if you are being sincere.

Comment [AP6]: Okay. But this seems odd to say. The 20th century includes a lot of different ages. Does an 80-year old use technology as much as you? I dont know the answer, but I think the question speaks to the irrelevance of pointing out your birth century.

Comment [AP7]: I feel like some of this could be edited out. Remember to keep only the stuff you need.

Jackie Pham 8616 Grey Squirrel Ct. Charlotte, NC @28277 Pham.jackie@rocketmail.com 704-458-9910 September 16, 2013 are of better quality and better reflects the price. I will be going to Apple to ask for a replacement, but if the problem goes unresolved, I will be switching to your competitors. Sincerely, Jackie Pham Rhetorical Analysis The complaint letter I constructed was directed towards Apple, and all of their staff members. I recently got my iPhone and within a few months it already had a defect. While writing to Apple, I first utilized pathos with my word choice to appeal to audiences emotions. Specifically, I showed how much I valued my product and cared for it. I used words such as marvelous, flawless, and well crafted; to show the reader I respected the product. The reader having known that I respect my product will most likely empathize for my situation. I also used a lump of negative words to show the reader how utterly disappointed I was when I found a defect. I believed that I chose really strong words that would tell the reader why I was so disappointed. I implemented Ethos by providing the audience with my background as an avid user of Apple. I stated that I had previously owned three3 iPhones and I was not an amateur with the product. I also mentioned that I was a very loyal apple user and most of my electronics were Apple products. I believe that expressing these facts to the reader, establishes my creditability because I am long time user of the product and this is not my first time. Most companies value their long time customers, so I was hoping that it would make a bigger impact to the reader if I stated that I was long time user. Not only am I a
Comment [AP9]: Good, I agree with this assessment. Comment [AP8]: Good, shows thoughtful reflection on your writing process.

Jackie Pham 8616 Grey Squirrel Ct. Charlotte, NC @28277 Pham.jackie@rocketmail.com 704-458-9910 September 16, 2013 long time user of Apple but a long time user of technology in general. As I stated in the letter, being born in the 20th century our country thrives off of technology and information, this additionally establishes my creditability because I have grown up with technology, in other words I know what am I talking about. I applied Logos by looking at the situation from a broader view, I claimed that the world is not perfect, there are mistakes, and the iPhones are manufactured in mass quantities. I used deductive reasoning rather than inductive reason because I did not want to seem like I was so self centered that I dont see that not all the phones will be perfect. So instead, I reasoned with them by stating that I am not the only one suffering from this defect. I have read many, many reviews online about the iPhone 5 and almost ninety percent of the reviews claim they have the same issue with phone. I also stated that it may not have been all their products, I had no issues with the iPhone 4s sleep button but this phone just randomly malfunctioned. While writing this piece I made certain that my word choice would really tell the audience that not only am I a loyal customer but I am also experienced and use technology on a regular basis. I applied the word choice within a combination of ethos, pathos, and logos to persuade my audience that the products quality should reflect its price. I do not believe its fair that consumers have to pay high price and suffer from defects. I mentioned to the reader and the intended audience several times that I would be switching to their competitors products, if I was not provided with another phone that would replace my damaged phone.
Comment [AP11]: good, really interesting and reasonable strategy. Comment [AP10]: Okay, Im still not seeing your connection between your birth year and your technology use. People were either born in one of two centuries. I dont think we have anymore 19th century centenarians walking around, but we might.

Jackie Pham 8616 Grey Squirrel Ct. Charlotte, NC @28277 Pham.jackie@rocketmail.com 704-458-9910 September 16, 2013 Jackie, I think youve written a great letter and I think your analysis is spot on and very interesting to read. You really demonstrate thoughtful reflection on your writing and your writing process. I do wonder if your letter could be a little shorter. If you imagine the flood of letters and emails they must get, you probably want to cut to the chase as soon as possible. There a lot of good stuff here, but see if you can condense all that good stuff into fewer words. Again, good job here.
Formatted: Indent: Left: 0", First line: 0"