In the desperate scramble for perfect equality and social blindness, the stark contrast between men and

women in communication cannot be glazed over. Though wed all love to declare that there is no difference between the sexes, generally speaking, there is! The rift is undeniable, however inconsistent. Linguistics expert, Deborah Tannen, clearly identifies and distinguishes the tactics that men and women each use to communicate. Take for example, an afternoon social gathering of middle aged women around a kitchen table. They chatter and smile and laugh and touch each others hands. One lady complains light heartedly about sticking with an exercise routine while the others nod in agreement. Within five minutes they have all shared similar experiences and placed themselves all on the same level. Within the next three minutes, they have organized a day to go hiking together, to bond further and tackle the issue they have in common. Based on Tannens studies, this is exactly how women are predicted to act. W hereas men would take the conversation as an opportunity to assert dominance over each other, the women seek out common ground and understanding (Cant we Talk). The silent nods and sharing of experiences lead the group of acquaintances to sharing a higher level of intimacy. However, when the opposite gender meet and talk, the outcome is, on the whole, entirely differently. A man would not likely complain about working out to his buddies with the intentions of finding agreement in them. Tannen asserts, To many men, a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution . . . but women are often looking for emotional support, not solutions (Cant We Talk). While the conversation in the kitchen benefitted all the ladies participating, their mode of communication could be an obstacle in conversation with their male companions. A woman may complain to a man about a problem she is having. The man will take this as a request for help finding a solution, and when he offers it, it can appear insensitive to the woman. (Cant We Talk) It is simply because there is a discrepancy in the way that things are interpreted by each gender. A simple statement about her concerns will be misinterpreted as complaining and his honest effort to help will be misinterpreted as pretentious and callous. The differences between communication tactics in men and women can be an encumbrance, it is these differences that let us live in such harmony with one another. The balance of practicality and sensitivity, of protecting oneself and protecting others, of assertion and compromise is what leads to a healthy community.

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Works Cited
Tannen, Deborah. Cant we Talk? You Just Dont Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. HarperCollins Publishers World Leading Book Publisher, n.d. Web. 18 Sept. 2013.