If It Kills Me

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift. -Mary Oliver

Prologue

Vienna Widmore groaned as she landed with a thud; it didnt hurt but it did knock the wind out of her sails for a moment. Bridget was stronger than she remembered; oh, well, shed just have to put in more of an effort now.

Give up already, Widmore, Bridgets mocking voice cut through the hush of the graveyard, You cant defeat me. Ive always been better than you faster, stronger, more obedient. Our father always loved me more than he loved you. Why wouldnt he? I stayed, I helped him rebuild our clan while you ran away like the scared little girl you were when he found you.

And youre still the sanctimonious bitch you were, Vienna shot back, so no big deal, right? Bridget didnt reply, choosing instead to lunge at Vienna; she was expecting it though. Theyd both mastered their skills in the same classroom with the same teachers and had sparred enough times to be deeply aware of every single one of each others strengths and weaknesses. She ducked and rolled, using the element of surprise to pin Bridget to one of the gravestones. Bridget kicked out viciously and Vienna felt one of her ribs break; wincing in pain, she retaliated by breaking Bridgets arm.

Fuck, Widmore, that hurt, Bridget groused. It was supposed to, Vienna huffed back at her.

Now, now, girls. Cant we all just get along?, came a low, soothing voice in the dark. A voice they both knew; it belonged to someone they both loved, a little too much sometimes, it

seemed. Glaring at each other, they both immediately straightened and stood up, feeling the slight burn of broken bones mending themselves.

Vienna felt her heart skip a beat as the figure moved out from the shadows and into the small amount of light afforded by the full moon she always had the same reaction to him, and knew Bridget did too. It was the case with all of them, all of his girls. He was their whole universe wrapped in one dark, sometimes terrifying, sometimes exhilarating being. He had created them and he held the power to destroy them with one glance, one word, one touch.

He walked towards the two girls, different as day and night but, like the others, bound by devotion, loyalty and love all for him. Bridget, fair-haired and tall her disposition as fiery and bright as the sun her hair always reminded him of and Vienna, raven-haired and beautiful; just as dark and unfathomable as the night that surrounded him right now. They were his favorites everyone knew that but he had never been able to choose between them. He had always loved the night, but the day held something in it for him, too. But it didnt matter if he couldnt choose, they would never ask him to.

Are you alright? he asked, receiving nods in reply. Without another word, he turned and walked off into the night. He didnt have to tell them to follow him - they always had, they always would.

Chapter 1 - Vienna One year later Refill for you, sweetie?, the friendly voice broke Vienna out of her reverie. She looked up to find a motherly-looking waitress smiling at her expectantly. Huh?, Vienna managed shed been completely lost in thought for the past few minutes and hadnt even noticed that the coffee cup in front of her was empty. The waitress eyes softened Vienna had no idea why and she motioned to the cup on the table and the coffee in her hand. Shall I fill that up for you, sweetheart?, she asked not unkindly. Sweetheart, the word made Viennas eyes narrow in

displeasure at the same time that it made her heart clench. He always called her sweetheart. Hed had different names for all of them sweetheart, darling, sunshine. She could still remember that last time shed heard him say the word it had been almost six months. She stopped her thoughts from venturing in that direction it was a dangerous one for her sanity and returned her attention to the remarkably patient waitress. Yes, please, she replied with the sweetest smile that she could manage. She had gotten rather good at faking smiles over the past few months. The waitress poured coffee into the cup, and hesitated before she turned to walk away. Despite her better judgment, Vienna found herself saying, Was there something else, um, Marnie?, she added, noticing the name tag on her striped apron. Marnie turned around, and smiled sheepishly at Vienna, who contorted her features into what she hoped was a welcoming and sincere smile instead of the snarl she felt building up inside her.

Are you okay, sweetheart?, Marnie asked kindly and there it was the word, followed by the throb of pain somewhere near her heart. Marnie went on, unaware of the rapidly rising tidal wave of fury and hurt and grief in the girl she was talking to, Its just that well, you remind me of my little girl. Her names Dana and shes away at college, Im so proud of her, you know. And you just look a lot like her, but you look, well you look sad. Just like she did after Roy broke up with her. Roy was her high school boyfriend, you know. Said he didnt want a long -distance relationship when they were so young. She was so torn up about it. Bu t shes better now. So I oh, Im so sorry Im saying too much. Just call me if you need anything, ok? she ended her rambling and with a soft smile, walked away. Vienna stared after her the fact that the waitress wanted to talk to her wasnt surprising at all. She had always had that skill, if something that came so naturally could even be called that. For some reason, people opened up to her they always wanted to talk, to tell her something about themselves or find out more about her. It was why hed always insisted that she be the one to talk to people when they needed information or when they had to convince someone.

With a sigh, Vienna lowered her head onto the table. It seemed like she couldnt go five minutes without thinking of him she should have expected that really; he had been at the

forefront of her thoughts almost every moment for the two hundred years that she had known him. The same was also true for the other girls he had effectively filled up every available space in their hearts and minds and taken up permanent residence. Cara had always hated that how he had managed to almost completely isolate them from everyone and anyone else who might have been a part of their lives not that there were many people vying for those positions. The truth of what they had become had been too much for most people to take and a lot of those who had been part of their previous lives had drifted away or fallen prey to that most human of levelers death. So, they had created new families in him, in each other and they had found a way to survive, even thrive. Like all families, there were some who loved each other to death and some who hated each other so much they wished the other were dead. Whatever their feelings for each other had been, they had been unanimous in one thing he loved them and they loved him in return, some of them probably a little too much. Vienna had been no, she still was one of the girls who loved him beyond all reason, maybe even beyond all sanity and she had never had any trouble admitting that. Unlike Arianna, who thought her feelings had to be kept under lock and key and that she had to pretend otherwise like he didnt know how she truly felt, like they all didnt. But, she reminded herself, that part of her life was over now. She would probably never see him again, and though the thought made her want to destroy herself, she knew she had to go on - find a way to survive, if not thrive. She drained her cup of coffee in a single gulp, it was hot and scalded her throat but the burn was gone the moment she felt it. Leaving a generous tip on the table for Marnie, the concerned waitress with the daughter in college, Vienna left the diner. She had no idea where she was going but she knew she couldnt sit and wallow any more. She was good at what she did, maybe she wasnt as powerful as Bridget or as fast as Katia or even as smart as Alexandra but she had certain rather marketable skills and she planned on using them to the fullest.

Chapter 2 Bridget