yes / no mario / lemafa

''naked, n comparing myself to my school friends, i discovered that my penis was small, pitiful n soft. i can recall a pornographic novel whose Don Juan machine-gunned female genitals with ferocious glee, saying that he enjoyed hearing women creak like watermelons. i convinced myself that i would never b able to make a woman creak like a watermelon.'' SALVADOR DALI

y/n

every color is affirmed by the void. the tattoo of your lovers chapel, falls into sinkhole folds, back to follicles, slough feeding Saharan dunes. gravity mars skin mars mountains. its junk. junk everywhere, even in our DNA. hoarding is your birthright, eons of never giving anything away. u can't even make a FREE sign for that. u have to hold your butthole with gangly lan looking for the places u were taught it is ok to release some of it, while u notice pigeons, small lives, drop theirs everywhere. gurl the symbolic order dont play. it got u down, so u crawl, even lower than your ancestors. it got u down, to your basic element, looking at the forest far away with Pho bowl eyes, in heaps of trash, in heaps of your trash. gurl, let her have some for herself. let her love it only. let her mourn it only. i saw u put the compost in the trash and yourself in the recycling. who is going to take you to the recycling, now that everyone is doing it?

y/n

whenever im traveling in these parts, i pour something for Sir. RIP

y/n

every party we go to is a failed attempt to express to the people there how much we love them. this is why there will always b parties.

y/n

for months i've survived my northbound n southbound bus travails with the secret confidence i'd given to a select number of familiar faces aboard. we've never spoken to each other but a certain familiarity of shape shared by a familiar route can keep silence as a bond. one of these bus persons we will refer to Grey (for never failing to wear his North Face grey windbreaker) stood as a beacon of hope that this seemingly forsaken part of the PNW could still hold something of value enough for a consummate gamer to stay. for various reasons, including the portable consoles he would bring on to the bus, a lot of successful deductive guesswork and me seeing him by chance at places like Raygun game lounge, i'd been able to piece Grey's life together, his weekly schedule, his favorite foods, patternings, etc. tonight, my attempts at reading Miranda July's It Chooses You on the bus were ruined by the presence of Grey arm in arm with a person we will refer to Green (due to his green hoodie n green shoes). it wouldn't have mattered as much if Grey n Green were lovers together at a distance but Grey n Green were locked in a side lovers embrace taking turns playing Monopoly on an iPhone right. next. to. me. it was a bittersweet reintroduction to Grey- his side glances(?) seemed to tell me that our secret silent confidence thingy was over. it wasn't that i had true desires for Grey, it was that Grey was comfortable, Grey was my beacon marking my adamant journey to navigate loving/living with myself. for a moment i felt devastated at the realization that everyone on the bus would eventually start buying cars, moving away to bigger cities, breaking away from this familiar metro mold leaving me alone to suffer my own projections of dying post-industrial sprawl. it wasn't until i realized that Grey n Green were heading further south with me that i started to rethink things. they got off one stop before mine, walking together on to an empty parking lot. i got off my stop n began to focus on It Chooses You. alone, underneath a lamppost, i was almost finished with the book and had finished the sentence, "You're in the middle of the beginning, right now.", when i felt a light kiss on the back of my neck. i reached behind and pulled a red lipped shape leaf. i smiled, for myself, Grey n Green, Joe n Carolyn n Miranda in the book/somewhere in the world, n finished the It Chooses You, a little more sentimental than i'd planned.

y/n

burnt bridges r tiny when u fly

y/n

if i have a child in the future i will not name them Ulysses for fear that any sexual encounters Ulysses may wish to have have will b like how anyone reading Ulysses or talking about Ulysses in the moment is just not sexy. there's no room to think 'sexy' when u r thinking about Ulysses; a person(s) might have too many expectations about Ulysses. people in the West wanna know u n r ready to take your clothes off if u have read Infinite Jest or Gravity's Rainbow (true story), so i will name my child Infinite Rainbow for good coverage. Infinite Rainbow will most likely have an embarrassing time growing up but will get over it quickly to become an amazing person everyone will associate with the pleasure of reading big books, things they need to do in life, n the real/imagined intelligentsia's of their time.

y/n

i can hear the neighbor upstairs crying n playing Brian Eno's By This River- wish i could walk thru locked doors n hug them but that's what spirits do every day so imma make a card that says, "i cried with u, i c u, i feel u"

y/n

get over yourself; there r people waiting for u on the other side

y/n

in my head there was a room. it needed an eco light bulb changed, rabid house bunnies tamed, i got busy and forgot about. i cleaned it up and put Christmas lights inside. there is room for u there. i have room for u here now.

y/n

the wino rhino said to me, "no way, ros! you get your hands off my Shiraz or imma horn you!" at the party last night. i cried and went home to Charles Shaw, who cheered me up with a Cup of Noodles and some wet smooches.

y/n

u used to run to the ice cream man, now u walk to the caf, man

y/n

ill have you sexy barista with a side of here's my number, no pumpkin spiced latte, just a tip and desperation.

y/n

they were careful using their words, for fear that everything would b said, nothing more to listen preciously to, so they did things in silence, n when it was really necessary, said things like, "let's fuck", "TRADER JOES NOW", or "whoa, u like me n i like u n we like us n we r us, holy shit!"

y/n

look at the big picture look at the big picture, again tell someone to come n look to make sure it is a big picture

maybe

idk