A Ballad of King Chain

and his Somewhat Kinky Fellowship

Written by King Chain

Edited by Willy Titty

King Chain and his Somewhat Kinky Fellowship was filmed in front of a live audience. No

gangstas were harmed in the making of this film. Do not attempt at home.

Chapter1:Prologue Oneday,KingChainrecievedamessage:YoDawg, gimmeyogoldchainhopeyabefoIshootuupdoe.King Chain,startledatthisdemand,decidedtoamasshistrustworthy vassalsandbesiegethefellowwhohadsentthisletter.King Chain,alongwithWillyTitty,JoJo,andmanyothers,setouton thisperilousjourneyofwhichsomeofthemwillperishand otherswillrebel.WhocanKingChaintrust?WillKingChain evergethisrevenge? Wherebemejoint? ThisquestionringedthroughKingChainsheadasheand hisFellowshipofdaChainjourneyedto8thandJeffersonto slayKingChainstobeassassin.Havingspentalltheirmoney onOJKushanddonuts,theFellowshipwerestarving. Wordofrebellinghadspreadthroughthegrouplike wildfireandKingChaindecideditwastimetotakeaction.He senthismosttrustworthyandcalianman,WillyTitty,to imprisonthisheretic.After5minutes,KingChainbeganto worry.HeorderedthegrouptostopandhesearchedforWilly. KingChainfoundanote.

Chapter2:KingChainz Surybra,mymomfoundmystash:(WillyTitty.

Howcouldthishavehappened?Myownrighthandman, imprisoned?OnlyonepersonwouldofbeenabletoinformWilly Tittysmotherofhisstash!Butwho? WhenKingChainreturnedtohisencampment,hefound hismeninanalloutsmokecircle.Laughing,stomachgrowlsand moansechoedthroughtheencampmentasanalloutbrawl occurredasParkieandKeegiefoughtoverwhowouldgetthe greens.Manywereslaughteredthatday,whichisforever rememberedasTheBattleofOJKush.KingChainsawmany menkilled,scarringhimforlife.Hewouldneverforgettheday theOJKushriversrandry. Smoke,teethandjointslayaroundthecampasKingChain scavengedforsurvivors.ItwasinthiseffortthathefoundJoJo, Parkie,ErBearandSamShat,althoughbloodied,werealive. KingChainandhisbandofsurvivorspushedon,hopingtoreach MountainKushbeforesundown.Whentheyreachedthe foothillsofMount.Kush,theyheardashatteringnoisenoneof themwouldeverforget.Itwasthesoundofacrackpipehitting KingChainsback.

Chapter3:Parkie Aftertheattack,KingChainsfellowshipwasseverely injured.WiththelossofSamShatandtheshortageofOJKush, thefellowshipsmoralewasatanalltimelow.Whilegarrisoned atMoun.Kush,KingChainreceivedafax:Doodestahpand cumhangoutwitme)SebassHowdarethisimbecilequestion KingChainsmotives!KingChainwillhavehisvengeance,no matterthecost! ItwastodaythatKingChainconfrontedParkieaboutthe BattleofOJKush.Parkergotveryinfuriatedaboutthisandtook outhisshank.HethenproceededtoshankKingChaininhis doobiehand.KingChain,severelyinjured,felltotheground.It wasthenKingChainrealizedParkiestruemotives. WhenIheardofyourquest,Idecideditwastimeto strike!Asyouknow,youaretheLordofBigBoiLand,andthat landproducesover20tonsofOJKushayear!Iamyourheir, andifyoudie,Iinheritbyright.ThenIkillyoubb)AsKing Chainfelttheforkburyintohischest,theforkceasedtomove. Itsbeenrevoked.

Chapter4:Sebass Parkiecollapsed,adoobieinthebackofhishead.Thiswas nodoobie,butthephatestOJKushdoobieKingChainhasever laidhiseyesupon.KingChainlookeduptofindashirtlessWilly Titty.Hismuscleswerebulgingoutandsweetwasgleamingoff hisalluringbodylikehewasagod.Forthefeastthatnight,King Chain,WillyTittyandtheFellowshipfeastedonParkies corpse.HewasmadeofOJKush,whichwas Okaykush! Thenextmorning,theclansetoutonatriptogather suppliesfromthebastardKing,Sebastian.Sebasswasasubject ofincestbetweenSamBaileyandSophieGraham,andwhenhis fatherdied,SebassclaimedtheIronDoobieashisown.When JadenoftheEastlearnedofthistreachery,herebelledasthe selfproclaimedKingintheEastandwantedtheEasttobeits ownseparateland,freefromthetyrannyoftheIronDoobie.Itis rumoredJadenisgoingtoaweddingsoon.Maybehewillhave fun.

ChapterFive:Sam WhenKingChainandtheFellowshipreachedJacksonsTradingMarket,they wereexhaustedfromthejourney.WiththelossofthetraitorParkie,thegroupceases theirrebellioustonetowardKingChain,andarebacktotheiroldselves.While scroungingthroughthetrashcans,theyhappeneduponanoldhermit.Hespokeof doingthingstoyouforahamburger,butKingChaindeclinedhisintentions. AlthoughJoJoandErBeararedisappointed,theyacceptit.Theoldhermit proceededtopulloutaphatdoobandthreatentosmokeitallwithoutsharing.This startledKingChain,asheknewonlyonepersonwouldeverthreatenhimwiththis formoftorture.ItwasSamBailey,thebastardsfather! Sam,sadoverhowhisbastardchildattemptedtoassassinatehimand overthrowtheIronDoobie,decidedtotrekwiththeFellowshipofdaChaintoreclaim thethroneandputhisbastarddown.HewouldsupplytheFellowshipwithallthe moralesupporttheywouldneed,aslongasheneednofight.Hedressedhimselfina jestersoutfit,inhopestoinspirethedoobsmokinggrouptohirehimasamercenary, buttonoavail.ButSamhadonelasttrickuphissleeve.DidyouguysknowTrayvon Martinwasarapper!Helasthitwasthefloor!Thisjoke,althoughspiteful,wasseen asquitethewoozytotheFellowship,andtheyhiredthedrunk. WhileintheGardenofAchmahala,thegroupdiscoveredaquiteredbeing. Youcouldsaythisbeingwasasred.asatomato.Thetomatobeing,upsetthatshe couldnotdrinkanyvodkabecauseofschool,decidedtotakeherangeroutonthe Fellowship.Astallasabuildingandaswideasonetoo,sheattemptedtostompout thegroupwithherhairfeet.Shesucceededtoo,stompingoneintothegroundso hardhegotamigraineandwenthome.ErBearwillbemourned.TheFellowship wouldofbeenwipedoutifnotforthevaliantlongboardrider.Asfastasa4yearold runningandluscioushairofagod,hequicklyslicedthroughthetomatowithhis dagger.OncetheTomatowasbeaten,thegroupthankedtheirsaviour,withSam offeringtotakehimtotheouthouseandshowhimagoodtime.ButwhentheRider

tookoffhishelmet,theFellowshipwilltakeadrasticturntotheirmotives.

Chapter6:HunterBooBoo
ThismysticalriderwasnootherthanHunterBooBoo,KingChains longlostbrother.Althoughnotthesharpestknifeinthedrawer,perhaps eventhedullest,HunterBooBoohadamagnificentheadofhairthatmade evenKingChainjelly.WhiletheFellowshipwasthankingHunter BooBoo,KingChainnoticedsomethinginhispocket.Itwasaletter.King Chaindemandedtheletter,andHuntergaveittohim.Itwasstaleand sticky. Yoman,udidntgiveupdachainimabeatyoasshoe.Atthe bottomoftheletter,itwassignedJ.Whocouldofsentthisletter?King Chainhadthoughtsofwhoitcouldbe,buthepushedthethoughtaside. Tonight,theyfeastedupontheTomato,whichreekedofvodkaandbile. KingChain,stillworriedabouttheletter,litaphatoneandpassedout. WhenKingChainawoke,someonewasontopofhim.Thebodylay stillandquiet,buthadanalluringscenttoit.Nevertheless,KingChainstill tossedthebodytotheside.WhenKingChainglancedtotheside,he realizedwhoitwas.ItwasWillyTitty!Aphatrolldugintothebackofhis skullkilledhim,andKingChaingrieved.But,notbeforelong,the FellowshipfeastedonWillyscorpse,withthemusclestastingsweetin theirmouths.ItwasthenKingChainfoundanote. YoIkilleddishoefurnotgetindachain,imakilmorifiduntgetit you<3J

Chapter7:Hayden Afterhoursoftraveling,theFellowshiprealizedtheywerelost.With Samtoodrunktofindthewaywithstars,andburningHuntieslongboard becausehethoughtitwasCambodianFunk,thegroupweredoomed.Their motherswouldsoonrealizetheyweregone,andtheywouldgetgrounded forlife. WhentheyfinallyreachedSebassskingdom,theywerewelcome withphatbowls.Whiletheywalkedthroughthestreets,theynoticedalack ofOJKush.Instead,theyfoundlargequantitiesofJamaicanKush.This angeredKingChaingreatly,increasinghishatredofSebassevenmore. NeartheentrancetoSebassskeep,theFellowshipsawrebellingpeasants. Slaves,women,children,alloftherebellersweredifferentinaway.Except allhadalackofOJKushdoobsintheirmouths. Yodawgs,welcometomykingdom,bietch.yelledSebass.His voice,raspyoftheyearsofeatingonlydirtandworms,annoyedKing Chaingreatly.ItwasSebassthattookHaydenshead,whofiguredouthe wasabastardandhadnoclaimtothethrone.Haydentriedtoputthe rightfulheir,Jerome,onthethrone,butlosthisheadanddoobinthe process.Ihopeyallenjoyyourstayinhell,biatches

Chapter8:Elliot Whatchafooswant?SebasssquestionwasonethatangeredKing Chaingreatly.HewantedtorolladoobandstickitrightupSebasssbum. Hewoulddoanythingtokillthisidiotrighthereandhow,andclaimthe throneforhimself.ButKingChainreallyknewhowthingsworked.He knewinthegameofdoobs,heeitherwinsorhedies.Thereisnomiddle ground. Beforeanyonecouldreact,TheFellowshipwasseized.Theywere draggedtoastandbeforeacrowd.Thisiswhathappenstopeoplewho denymyrule.Samwasforcedonhiskneesandhishandplacedona cuttingtable.SebasstookoutSamsdoobhandwithonestrike.Samwould notbesmokinganymoredoobsfortherestofhislife.Iwillkilltherest! Wsh,abongplanteditselfinSebassschest.Anotherinhisgenitals. Hewasdeadbeforehehittheground.Ridersofdoobdragonsraineddown fromtheheavensandtookouttheguards.KingChainsFellowshipwas onceagainsaved.Butwhosavedthem?Itwastheriderofthephattest doobdragon.Hishair,brownasacaseofmudandanobviousbulgethat blindedallofthepeasantsandnobility.TheIronDoobieismine,byright. Nowitismine,bydoob.

Chapter9:TheIronDoob Smokeengulfedthecity.Itsmeltofblood,victory,andsage.Bodiesarescatteredthroughout thecity,withbuildingburnedandcattle,alsoburned.Sigilsofdoobs,leavesandotherthingslayaround thecity.Thefewsurvivorsoftheattacklayaround,questioningwhetherthiswasreallifemannn.King Chainwasheavilywounded,almostfaintingatthesightofElliot.Yodawgwhatsgucciwasthelast wordsKingChainsaidbeforehewasknockedout. KingChainwasdraggedtothewalls.AshighasJoJowasandasalluringashimtoo,itwas quitethehorror.Amanthrownoffthiswouldhavelittlechanceofsurviving,letalonenotbeing paralyzed.KingChainwasthrownonthefloor,alongwiththesurvivorsofhismembership:JoJo, HunterandSam.Theywereextremelybloodiedandbloodshot,butstillalive.YouthoughtIwouldof nevercaughtuptoyou,didyoubb?askedElliot.Youthoughtyoucouldescapemywrathand stupidity?Notevenclosebb! Onebyone,theFellowshipwasthrownoffthewall.Sambeingthefirst,andwiththeloudnoise ofacrack,wasdead.Hunterwasthrowntohisdeath.JoJo,wasnot.JoJowasinsteadreleased.Jo JograbbedKingChainbythenext,andthrewhimoffthewalltohisdeath. Chapter10:JoJo JoJowasdraggedtothewall.HesawHunterandSamthere,waitingfortheirdemise.But wherewasKingChain?Wherewastheleaderofthisexpeditionthathavefailednotonlyhimself,but the10sofpeoplethathavedied?Wasitnotfitforthisfooltohavehisfairjudgement? SamandHunterhavebeenthrowntotheirapparentdeaths,withKingChainstartledatElliots betrayal.AsJoJowasabouttobethrownoff,hewasinsteadreleased.JoJowasnotonlyconspiring againstKingChain,butheisnowtheonetohavekilledhim.KingChainisdead,byJoJoshand.JoJo wastheonetosendtheletter,KingChainrealized.ItwasJoJowhostartedTheBattleofOJKushand itwasJoJowhokilledWillyTitty.ItwasJoJowhohadSebassseizeKingChainbecauseJoJotold SebassthatKingChainhastaughthisrightbitfitmomalessononlywelshmenknow,oi!JoJoisthe onethatkilledKingChain. KingChainlandedonhisdoobsmokinghand,severelyinjuringhimself.Hehadbrokenhislegs andoneofhisarms.Hissilentbodywascarriedtotheoceanbyastranger.Hisbody,setafloat.King Chain,adoobinhismouth,wascastoutoftheworld.Hischainlaynearhim,shiningbrightlikea diamond.JoJowatchKingChainsglisteningbodybewashedawaybythewaves.Myjobisonly halfwaydone.

A Ballad of King Chain

A Dance with

Doobs
Written by King Chain

Elliot KingChainisdead.Sebassisdead.TheIronDooblaywithoutkingor queen.JoJohasbeenrevealedtobethetraitor.ElliotisnowthekingoftheIron Doob,takenforcefullybydoobdragonsthoughhehasnoclaimtotheDoob. Althoughselfproclaimed,noonedaresquestionElliotsruleforfearofhisdoob dragons.Elliotsbiggestdanger,theFellowshipofdaChain,nowliesinruins,with outcastsinhidingalloftheNorthEnd.WithnorightfulheirtoBigBoyLand,JoJo isnowwardenofHills.OJKushproductionisatahalt,withanysightofOJKush inapersonshandleadingtodeathbymunchies. KingChainsbodyisbelievedtobeatthebottomoftheocean,whileothers sayElliotrecollectedthebodyandfeasteduponit.SomealsotellofhowKing Chainisnotdead,butisinsteadrevivedasaDoobMegaladonandseekshis vengeanceonElliot.Mostbelievethosepeoplearetotescraycraymcgotes.But theyallagreethatElliotisnowtheirruler,andtheymustlivewithit.Hemaybea tyrannical,imbecile,awkward,negativenancy,n00b,hacker,stupidfaceandasore sightontheeyes,butheisthemanwiththedragons.Andnoonecanchangethat. Yodawgdidyouseehisface?likeomqstahpandiwazlikelolno! ElliotbraggedofhisachievementtoallofNorthJuniorHigh,whoallcouldcare lessofwhathehadtosay.KingChainwasafooltotrustJoJo,andhepayedfor hisfoolishnesswithhislife!Hetrustedhisfriends,buttheyallturnedonhimwhen theopportunitytoarised.KingChaintrustedWillyTitty,andwhereishenow?In theirstomachs!HetrustedSam,butwhereishenow?Why,Samisrighthere! SamwalkedoutontotheoakstageandstoodsidetosidewithElliot.I havequiteimportanteventhappeningtoday!Imgettingmarried!Andhereismy tobespouse!Thecurtainsflewopen,andtheredhairshinedunderthespotlights. ElliotsspousetobewasoneofhouseGinger,andhismarriagetothispersonwill providehimwithallthesoulshewillneed!Butwhoisthespouse?

Keirnan Themanwalkedoutonstage.Thecrowdcheeredasheappearedonstage andtookhisplacenearElliot.Hewastallandpale,withfrecklescoveringhisentire body.Keirnanisgenerallylikedinthepopulace,andthisisperhapswhyElliot chosehimtomarryhim.KeirnanandElliottooktheirleaveandleftthefolktotheir ownprocedures.ButtherewasasidetoKeirnanthatnoonehadknownbefore. Ilyubb<3ElliottoldthistoKeirnanastheyweremarried.Thecrowd watchedsilentlyasabondbecreatedbetweenthesetwo.Ilyu2bb<3Keirnan said.Theywerenowmarried,andtheyshallfeast.Ononetable,liedHunter BooBoosbody,smokedtoperfection.Anotherhadabodythatappearedtobe KingChains.Hismusclesbulgedoutofthedressing,withthemostdeliciouspart appearingtobehismuscularquads.ThesequadsweretheprideofKingChains life.AndnowtheywerebeingdigestedinElliotsstomach.Theweddingwas ceased,andthehappycouplewereshowedtotheirhouse. HeyBB,Igotsomethingtoshowyou)Elliottoldhisspouseasthey enteredthehouse.Givemesumtymetoprepare.Afterwaiting30minutes, KeirnanwalkingintoElliotsDoobsmokinroom.Therewerecandlesandaredrug spreadoutonthefloor.Roseswerespreadoutontherug,andtheseroses appearedtomakeatrailtoadestination.Keirnanfollowedthistrail,becoming agitatedasthetrailledhimincircles.After10moreminutesoffollowing,Keirnan reachedthedestination.InfrontofKeirnan,therelayadoor.Keirnanopenedthe doorandwalkedinside,withthedoorshuttingbehindhimasheentered.Inthe middleoftheroom,layacandle.Keirnanwalkedtothecandle,andsawanote. Thenotereadgtgpottybreak.Keirnanwasangeredatthisnote,andwas abouttostormoutoftheroomwhenhesawashadowracealongthedimlylighted wall.ThebeingappearedtotakeforminfrontofKeirnan,anditalsoappearedto bemadeoutofsmoke.Keirnanfeltasharppaininhischest,asifadoobwas gouginghisheart.Keirnanfelltotheground,dead.Thesmokebeingevaporatedas Elliotenteredtheroom.

Alejandro
NewsofElliotslovers,KeirnanFrotch,deathspreadthroughthecountrysidelike thevaporfromKingChainsnewvap.Helovedthatvap,sometimestakingitoutinclassand takingaphathitfromthevap.Elliotvowedtohavevengeanceonwhoeverspawnedthis smokebeing,andwouldnotrestuntilhehadtheirbodyfordinner.Butthisoneperson thatsummonedthisdemonwasnotoneElliotliked,andnotoneElliothadexpectedittobe. AlejandrowasatFunkyTownwhenhereceivedthemessageofKeirnansdemise.He washappyofthisnews,becauseanychancehecouldgettohurtElliotsstateofmindwas viewedasavictorytohim.AlejandrohatedElliotforkillinghisbb,RauldeMontaya.Raul andAlejandrowereBFFjils,andtheylovedeachother,whichmostsawasabrotherlylove. ButthedayElliotgrewtotesjellyoftheirlove,becauseElliothimselfharbouredasecret loveforAlejandro,ElliotchallengedRaultoaduel.Thefoughttothedeathinabattle,with Elliotemergingvictorious.Elliot,expectingAlejandrotolovehim,wasinsteadgreeted withrejection.Alejandro,afterthat,hatedElliot,andseeksanywaytogethisvengeance. Thesmokebeingwasoneoffantasies.Abeingthatcouldpassthroughsmallspaces andcouldnotbestopped.Thissmokecausedpeopletopassawayandfaildrugtests, althoughpeopleweremuchmorefrightenedoftheformal.Butwhocouldhavesummoned thisdemon?Alejandroknewtheonepersonwhocouldofdonethis,anditwasAlejandro whohadhiredthepersontosummonit.AlthoughitsuckedthelifeoutofAlejandroeach timetheysummonedthebeing,Alejandrohadtouseittogethisway. Jackwasthesummonerofthesmokebeing.Alejandoandhimwentintoaroomand wentatit,plaguingtheroomwithsmoke.JackthencastaspellhelearnedonRedditto summonthebeing,andwhisperedaname.Keirnan.Keirnanthendied,andAlejandro becamesmokebuddieswithJack.JacktoldAlejandroofhowhesawvisionsinthesmoke ofAlejandrobecomingkingoftheIronDoob.Jackalsosawanyothervision,butrefusedto tellAlejandro.Thisvisionwasadarkone,onethatJackwishedhecouldunsee.Anditisthis visionthatwilldeterminethefateofallChainkind.

Jack JackwasafolloweroftheFadedfaith.Thiswasconsideredahereticfaith,whilethe mostpopularfaithofFaithoftheChain.ThismadeeveryonewhofollowedAlejandro dislikethispriest,andwhenAlejandrochosetodonthisfaith,thisangeredmany.Many,but notAlejandrosbb.Hisbb,lockedawayinhistower,afraidtoexit,isapersonthat Alejandrohatesalot.Herappearancewasthatofarug.JackandAlejandro,aftercausingthe deathofKeirnan,decidedtoamassAlejandrosleviesandmarchonCamelsBack,inhopes tofreethemembersoftheFellowshipsothatAlejandrowillearntheirallegiance. ThenumbersofAlejandroarmywerefilledwith8000infantry,2000cavalry,3000 archersand10000poundsofKrayKrayKush,whichmarchedtheirwaytoCamelsBack. Alejandrosscoutscollectedinfothatonly6000mentotalwereatCamelsToe,witha severeshortageofanykindKush.Alejandrowashappyofthis,andsawthisasaneasy victory.ButwhatAlejandrodidntknow,thatalongwithallitshorrors,winteriscoming. Itwasthethirddayofthe11thmoonthatwinterhit.IthitashardasElliothithis wives,orhusbands,andthatwasquitethehorrortobehold.Withtheonlywarmthcoming fromthetipsofdoobs,thearmynearlyfrozethemselves.Manydied,otherdeserted,with thefounddesertersbeingturnedintoalivingdoobietoscareoffanyothertraitors.With thelossofalmost1/4thofhisarmy,Alejandrowouldhaveretreatedtolickhiswounds.He wouldof,ifnotforJack. Jackwasquitethemysteriousfigure.Hepraisedlordsthatrainkushdownonpeople intheirmostforsakenmoments,andthiswasquitethethingsformanyofthepeople stationedatAlejandrosside.Oneofthem,Jared,wasfuriousatthepriestforforsakingthe ChainGod.Forgetabouthim,hesaidiot!waswhathechantedtothearmyastheyfroze andstarved.Heralliedmanyofthemenbehindhisbanner,andmarchedtheirwaytoJacks tent.Jaredcommandedtheheretictocomeoutandfacehispunishmentlikeabigboy.What cameoutinstead,wasnotJack. ItwasanotherofJacksshadowassassins.ItkilledJared,whichcausedallofthe rebellerstotakeupthereligion.Alejandrocameout,andsaidwithsuchdetermination,such furor,thathismenmarchedintothemist,totakeCamelsBackbysurprise.Uwotm8?Ru havinagigglem8?Alejandrosaid,anditisthisthatAlejandromarchedoutofthefrying pan,andintothefire.

Barrett HalfwayacrosstheNorthEnd,inBigBoiLand,JoJohasonlybegunestablishing hisrule.WhilethevillagersandlordsofBigBoiLandarelaidback,JoJosawthisbehavior assomethingthatmustbeexterminatedatallcosts.JoJoorderedhismentoraidthe villagesoftheland,killinganyonewithaphatdoobinthehand.Men,womenandchildren wereslaughteredasJoJocommanded,andnearlyhalfofthepopulationofBigBoyLand wasdeadbeforethesoldierunderthecommandofJoJometBarrett. Barrettwasatallfella,onewhoworshipedKingChainlikehewasagod.Hisbrown hairwaslongandflewoffhisbodyasifBarrettwasFabio.Hewasarealgangsta,and anyonewhochallengedBarrettwasgonnagetshotup.ButBarrettneverthoughtthepeople hewasgoingtoshootupthatdaywouldbepeopleofJoJosarmy.Theycametokill Barrett,andkilledhisBFFsbeforeBarrettmanagedtoretaliate.Thefirstpersonhe attackedwasRobbertMcMuffinBerry.IguessRobbertwontbeeatinganymoreMuffins anymore,amIright? Barrettranintotheforestbeforeanyoftheguardscouldofexecutedhim,andhe ponderedwhattodo.Barrettdecidedhewasgoingtojourneythecountrysideandraisethe leviesofanylordsstillloyaltoKingChain,andnotthisfoolJoJo.Throughthewinter, Barrettarrangedmeetings,amassedarmiesand420ditup.Barrettexpectedtogetanarmy largeenoughtomarchonCastleRockbeforewintersend.Oneday,Barrettwasdrinkingin abarwhenastrangercaughthiseye. Barrettapproachedthestranger,askedhimwhohewas.ThestrangerrepliedIaint noonegeedangitwellIgottatellyouonethinggolly.Barrettwouldntgiveuphispursuit togetthisstrangersidentitybecausethestrangersbodyshinedlikethesun.Hishairwas thatofararekind,andBarrettneededtoknowhisidentity.TellmewhoyouarebeforeI shootyouupdoe,commandedBarrett.Doyoureallywanttoknow?Barrettnodded.The strangertookoffhiscowl,andBarrettskneealmostcollapsedatthisrevelation.

Alejandro SnowpeltedAlejandrosdoobandhemarchedwithhisarmytowardsCamelToe.Jack walkedbesideAlejandro,tellinghimofhowhesawhisvictoryinthesmoke.Jacktoldhimofhow menwillfallandrisebeforehimasAlejandroseatedhimselfontheIronDoob.Althoughsome consideredJacktobeatreasonousvirginlungs,anytalkofthiswouldputthesesnitchestothe smokehouse.TheywouldsuffocatetodeathonKrayKrayKushsmoke,andtheirbodieswould beleftforthetoddleroftheNorthEndtoeat.Iguessyoucouldsaythatthesesnitches get..stitches. ThefiresofCamelsToethatheatedtheElliotsmenwerearelievingsighttoAlejandros men,astheywouldsoonconquerthelandandresideinElliotsmenbodies.Itwasatraditionin GardenCitytotakehomeinthebodiesofslainenemies.ItwastoldinDowntownthatifyoudone adoobinsideanenemysbody,youwillhavegoodluckfortherestofthesummer.Butwinteris uponBoisenow,andallofitshorrors.Wintercame)isHouseChainsmotto,anditnowbared tremendousvaluetothesemen.Inthesetroublingtimes,theyeithereatandsurvive,orsmoke anddie. WhenthenewsreachedAlejandroofJoJosmassacreintheHills,hewasdevastated. Hismother,PoopiePants,wasoneofthefatalitiesofJoJosorders,andAlejandroseeked revenge.HewantedJoJotopoophispantsinfrontofhisdearestfriendsandfemalefriends, maybeevenonthebed.HewantedtoseeJoJoloseeverythinghehadever<3d.ButAlejandro knewhecouldntleavethecampofthemen'smoralewouldseverelysuffer.Traitorswould sproutlikeweedsanditwouldbedifficultremovingthem.ButAlejandroknewsomeonewhohad afeudwithJoJo,andwoulddojustaboutanythingtoexerthisvengeance. Whentheemaillefthiscomputer,Alejandroreturnedtohischamberstoseehisplansto conquerCamelsToe.Firsthisdoobcalvarywouldinsertthemselvesintothebackofthe encampmentandtheinfantrysmashedthefront.Than,justbeforetheenemiesmoralebroke andtheyran,theywouldtrapthemagainstthehillandgivethemachoice:Bendthekneesorbe destroyed.Thosewhobendthekneeswillservefaithfullyinhisarmy,andthosewhodonotwill beputtothedoob. AllofthesedelicateproceduresrequiredthatElliotnotknowoftheattack.Ifhisdragons weretocome,theywoodripthroughtheirrankslikeacreditcardthroughcoke.No,thatmust nothappen,sotheywoulddoanightattack.Signalthecavalrywithawellplacedsmokesignal andtearthearmytoshreds.Elliotwouldbeonhiswaytorallyhistroops,butbythen,Alejandro wouldbegoneandconqueringtheIronDoob.Theplanseemedflawless.Theplanwouldbe flawless. Ohhhhhhhmyyyyyyy.ThisroarechoedthroughAlejandroscampandmademens headreel.Whodaremadethatsound,orwhocouldofmadethatsound?WhenAlejandroexited histent,hisquestiontransformed.Itwasnowwhatmadethatsound.AndAlejandronowknew.

Elliot Firerainedfromtheheavensasdoobdragonssweepedoverthecamp.Menscreamed andfainted,othermoanedandgrumbled.Somemendiedandotherskilled.Allmenthough, werehungry.Elliotwatchedasmenwereimpaled,cutandinflatedlikeballoons.Outofthe cornerofhiseye,hecaughtAlejandroexitinghistent.Amantriedtocuthimdown,butAlejandro deflectedhisstrokewithoneslightlyarousingmoveandtossedhimtotheside.Hetriedto gatherhismenaroundhimtodefendtheattack,andifhedidthathewouldinflictheavy casualtiesonElliotsarmy.Elliothadonlyonethinghecoulddo. ElliotleapedatAlejandro,swoopinghisdoobswordathishead.Alejandroquickly deflectedtheattackwithease,andkickedatElliotsshin.Elliotgruntedasthepainenteredhis body.SweatgleamedoffAlejandrosforehead,anditremindedElliotofthedayshewouldwatch youngAlejandrodancinginthecourtyardofCastleRock.ThisarousedElliot,onlyslightly, enoughtothrowhimoffbalance.Alejandrotookadvantageofthis,andswunghisdoobswordat hishead.TheswordbouncedoffElliotsdildosword,andElliothadaheartbeattoregainhis strength.Butonlyaheartbeat. Outofnowhere,awildhomosexualIsaaccameoutandrapedElliot.Elliotwaspleased, butnotforlong.Isaacexplodedbecausehewassuchawildhomosexual,andheexplodedinto abarrageofsprinklesandrainbows.Isaacwillnotbemissed.Elliot,disappointed,pulleduphis pantsandcontinuedtofightAlejandro.AlejandroreleasedawildfuryofattackonElliot,andElliot couldnotblockalloftheseattacks.Hisswordwasflungtotheside.Elliotsawonlyonechance tolive. Iyield!ShowmemercyandIshallshowyousomethingbb)ElliotsaidasAlejandro toweredoverhim.Alejandroconsideredthis,andsaidIhavewaitedmywholelifeforthis moment.YouslayedmybbRaul,andIseekedvengeanceeversince.Iamtheonewhokilled Keirnan!Thisstatement,althoughstartling,wasobvious.Ihadhimkilledwiththehelpofmybb Jack,andwithhimIkilledJared.Itiswithhim,Ikillyou,forIwillspareyouthisday,onlytobe enslavedbyme.Youwillworkandworkandworkformeinthekushminesuntilthedayyoudie. Youwilldieslowlyandpainfully,asIwillshowyounomercy.Nomercy. AlookofamusementsproutedonElliotsface.Thatiswhereyouarewrong.Doyounot wonderwhotoldmeaboutyoubeinghere?Elliotsshadowonthegroundappearedtomove, butAlejandrotossedthethoughttotheside.Whowasit?Alejandroasked.Hehadafaintidea ofwhoitcouldbe,butitcouldntofbeen.Elliotdidnotanswered,butinsteadwasovertakenbya cloudofsmoke.ThecloudranintoAlejandro,andAlejandrofeltsharppaininhischest.Hefellon hisknees,andgrabbedhischestwithhishands.Not,itcantbe:(Alejandroweaklysaid.A newfigureappearedbehindAlejandro.Hisshortbrownhaircoveredbyhiscowlandhiseyesas brownasthedirtthatAlejandrolayon.Ohbutbb,itismeJackanswered.Thelastthing Alejandrosawwasadarkdooberectingfromhischest.

Elliot ElliotstoodoverAlejandrosbody,feelinggodlyafterhisvictory.Jackwalkeduptohim andhuggedhimpassionately,whisperingintohisearnohomo).Alejandrosbodylaybefore them,stillasapieceofkush.HismusclesbulgedoutofhisboiledleatherandElliotcouldnthelp butstare.HerememberedoftheyoungAlejandro,theonethatwouldaskElliotofhelpdressing himorhelphimintoabath.NowAlejandrosbloodlayonElliot'shand,andElliotisdeeply saddenedbythis.Butbeforehecouldevenshedatear,Elliotsmenwerefeastingonthebodies oftheslain. ItwasdarkoutsidewhenElliotenteredhiscabin.Onhisbed,akingsizebedmadeofthe finestpurplevelvetthathuggedElliotashelaid,awomanlay.ShetoldElliotthatshewashired toshowhimagoodtime.Elliot,4realzconfusedbythisstatement,askedwhatthiswoman meant.HerauburnhairshinedinthelightasifitwereJacksfires.Hershapelybodyslightly arousedElliot,butonlybecauseitremindedhimofAlejandros.Shehadabodydatmadehimbe lykedayum,datbootydoe:(. Shetoldhimofabriskautumnday,beforethisperilouswinter.Herboyfriendhadjust marriedher,andtheyweretobebedded).Andtheybedded,butshewokeupthenextmorning tofindhimgone.Thewindowwasopenandbehindwasasouvenir:Apieceoftidywhities.Also, astatementwasleftbehind,Lolztrikedu.Thiscausedahotbathinthebathtubwithnotonly water,butrazors:(.*CuttingiswrongandI,KingChain,amstronglyagainstit,andinnowayam tryingtotellyoucutyourselves*Shewantedtoredeemherselfbybeddingthetruekingofthe land,andElliotwasblushingbythen.Hedidnotwanttobedthisstrangewomanbecause,asit isclearlyevidentatthispoint,Elliotisahomosexual.*nothingiswrongwithhomosexuality,andI KingChain,amnotenforcingthatallhomoseuxualsareasbadasElliot(* Thewoman,withaforceofathousandbigbois,threwElliotonthebedandleapedontop ofhim.Shetookoffhisshoesandstartedlickinghistoes,becauseshehasawildfootfetish. Elliottookgreatenjoymentinthis,andclosedhiseyes,imaginingthatthewomanwasinstead Alejandro.Herlipswereembracinghisbigtoeashefeltasuddenpaininhischest.Elliotopened hiseyestoseeadaggerstickingoutofhischest.Hisvisionbegantofade,andhesawthe womangetoffthebed.Elliotlungedatthewoman,butthedaggersappedhisenergyaway,so hedidnotgetfar.BeforeElliotpassedout,hesawamanrisefromtheground,takethewoman andexittheroom.

TheglimmerofhischainwasthelastthingEllioteversaw.

Barrett NewsofAlejandrosslayingandElliotsspreadthroughthekingdomslikewildfire,and whenitreachedBarrett,hewasnotsurprised.HehadcoordinatedElliotsmurderwithanewally hegainedatthetavern,butAlejandrosdeathwasanobviouspercussionthatwasdoomedto happen.Alejandro,althoughquickinthebed,onlystruckwithlightattacksthatwouldbehis undoing.Now,theybothlayintheground,andBarrettspositionwasfurtheredandsoonhewill havetherightfulruleronthethrone. WhileAlejandroandElliotweresquabblingovertheirpettydifferences,withnonecoming outvictorious,Barretthasbeenscroungingthecountrysideforbrokenmen,outlaws,exiles,and pettylordstohisbannertofightagainsttheunjustruleofJoJo.AlthoughJoJohadthefar smallerarmy,theywerefarmoretrainedanddisciplined,andhavingarulerlikeJoJowassure toinspirethemfurther.Hisnipplesofiron,assharpasthesharpestdoobie,couldpiercethrough thethickestofsteel,andhishairwasgelledupintoasharppoint,makingitabletoimpale anyonefoolishenoughtogetclosetohim.ItwouldbepureluckifanyonemanagedtofallJoJo. Barrett,aftersummoningalloftheleadersofhisunits,decidedtheywillstormCastle Rocktonight.Thewallswereover69incheslongandtherewereover420unitsofinfantry stationedthere,butBarretthadover2000unitsofcavalry,infantry,andmissileunitsthatcould easilytakeoverthecastleiftheystrikeattherightmoment.Butonlyiftheystruckattheright moment.JoJohadDevilWorshipersguardingthewallatnight,andonesightingofahostile troopwouldsetthemoff. BarrettandhismencarriedthesigilofHouseChain,agolddollabillhangingoverafield ofhoestwerking.Althoughnoneofthethemweretrueborn,Barrettwasabastardchildbornof KingChainandaladyofauburnhair.Hernameescapedhimatthemoment,andBarrettcould notrecallit.Barrettsrighthandmen,Bennett,wastellinghimonedayofaraidhesawatThe CulDeSac.Menlayaround,doobspiercingtheirbacksandfirespreadingthroughtheirbody. Womenwerequarantinedofcooties,andchildrenscomputerswerehacked.Thecitylayin havoc,suchamonstrositythatnoonedarespeakthecitysnameinfearofJoJosretaliation. Wemustkillthistraitorousmonster,forwhathedidtoourbbKingChain.Also,JoJowasamild homosexualthatonlylikedgirlswithtinyheads. Thenightoftheattack,BarrettsmokedaphatdoobanddidsomeOstosignalthe attack.Firespreadthroughthecountrysideasmencharged.Barrettwasattheheadofthe charge.

JoJo Firespreadonthecountrysideasflamingdoobswerefiredallthroughoutthedried grass.Mencriedanddied,othersguardedtheirbodiesfromthepenetratingdoobswith theirshields.Asmenchargedthroughthefieldswithladders,rams,andtowers,theywere metwithabarrageofdeadlydoobs.Over200menhaddiedonbothsidesbeforetheram ramthroughthewoodendoorthatseparatethefieldsfromthecastle.Splinterflew everywhereasmenfloodedthecourtyardofthecastle.Plantswereburned,andtheone thatwerenotwerecoveredinfallenmen. BarrettranthroughthedoorwithsuchfurythatitevenstartledtheChaingod,upin theheavens.HeslashedthroughtwoofJoJosmenwithease,andfacedaknight.The knight,inpotarmorthatcouldprotectfromthesharpestofdoobs,chargedatBarrettand knockedhimdown.Barrett,startledbythisattack,stumbledtododgetheknights morningstarsattackandregainhisfooting.Theknightattackwithagreaterfurythan anyoneBarretthaseverfaced.Hewasslow,butanyattackthatcouldlandofBarrettwould surelykillhim.TheknightkickedatBarrettsgroin,butthatwashisfatalmistake.Barretts groinsuckedhisfootin,andtheknightfelltohisback. Doyouyieldbb)yelledBarrett. Illneveryieldtothelikeofyou,oathbreaker!</3theknightshoutedback. Withoneswiftmovement,theknightdisappearedintoBarrettsgroin,nevertobe seenagain.Barrettlookedaroundthebattlement.Allaround,menofhisbannerwere fightingthefarbettertrainedenemyarmy,andwerefailing.Theywereallretreating,and Barrettcouldyellnothingtogetthembackintothefight.Thesemenwerecravenand Barrettwouldshowthemhiswroth.ItwastherethatBarrettfeltthekickinhisback,and everythingturnedtoblack. WhenBarrettawoke,hewasonarack,strippedofeverythingbuthisspankies.A manenteredinthehallway,nipplesashardasrocks.HissmileshowedBarrettthatthe worsthasindeedhappened.Didyouexpecttobeatme?Youandyourbandofmisfits? Againstme,theSlayerofNipples?Myarmyisnowhuntingtheremnantsofyourband,and theyshallbeslaughteredmercifully.Anddidyouhear?RumorsthatourfriendKingChain isbackandkilledElliot.AnotherthathemarriedUrmam,ayoungfemalethatIwouldescort tothebedchambers,amIright?ButonethingIamsureofisthatyouaredefeatedandthat youaremine.JoJowickedlysmiled.Youaremine,anditiswithyouIshallgainallofthe realmbehindmetotaketheIronDoob.Foryousee,myjobisonlyhalfwaydone.