Brittany Ward Ashlyn Walden March 17, 2014 Assignment 2 Literature Review

C n!lict in "lat nic#R mantic Relati nshi$s % r th usands ! years, c n!lict has arisen &etween c u$les and !riends' (ince we as humans are !lawed, c n!licts are g ing t arise, n matter what )ind ! relati nshi$ ne $arta)es in' And it starts !r m in!ancy' %r m arguing with y ur $arents a& ut g ing t &ed at a certain time, t arguing with y ur signi!icant ther#s$ use a& ut a large li!e decisi n such as $urchasing a h use r whether r n t t ad $t a $u$$y' (ince it is such a large $art ! li!e ne must &e aware ! ways t either av id r res lve c n!lict' And the &est way t d that *+ve ! und, thr ugh e,tensive research, is c mmunicati n'

- w W men -andle C n!lict *t is a $r ven !act that w men handle c n!lict in a di!!erent manner than men' Ale,andra (i!!erlin .2012/ states that w men want their $artners t )n w when they are unha$$y' 0his $lays int h w men and w men are em ti nally di!!erent' W men are c mmunicative, and that is a large $art ! why c n!lict usually ha$$ens' Men d n+t li)e t deal with c n!lict, and are m re $r ne t wall themselves !! em ti nally, while w men want t &e $en and c mmunicative' 0his is h w many c n!licts stem !r m' (i!!erlin c nducted a study that sh wed c u$les wh

c mmunicate are ha$$ier and have less c n!lict' W men als have di!!erent h rm nes than men, which creates di!!erent res$ nses t c n!lict, acc rding t 1r' 2r ss .2013/' Because w men have m therly instincts, they tend t want t w r) thr ugh issues 4uic)ly, while men tend t try t esca$e stress!ul c nversati ns and situati ns' Brittany Ward &serves the sit c m 50he Big Bang 0he ry,6 which sh wed a !icti nal c u$le w r)ing thr ugh a c n!lict' At !irst, the c u$le wasn+t c mmunicating, which created even m re c n!lict' 0he w man, "enny, th ught her & y!riend was &eing insensitive and unsu$$ rtive' 0he & y!riend, Le nard, th ught "enny was &eing rash and rec)less' 7ltimately, &ecause "enny !inally &ecame aggravated en ugh t yell at Le nard, they were a&le t tal) thr ugh the c n!lict and made u$' 0his g es t sh w that w men need their $artners t )n w when they are u$set, and c mmunicati n is )ey t !i,ing the $r &lem .Ward, 2014/'

- w Men -andle C n!lict 8ven th ugh men aren+t as em ti nal as w men, c n!lict can still create em ti nal turm il' 1r' 2r ss ma)es a $ int in her article a& ut h w men and w men handle stress di!!erently' (he states that men were made t 5!ight6 r 5!light6 when stress!ul situati ns arise' But in t day+s culture that is unacce$ta&le, s it+s a mind ver & dy struggle' (he als &rings u$ the $ int that men d n+t release the same h rm nes as w men . r i! they d they are n t as str ng/, which als $lays int the 5!ight6 r 5!light6 mentality' 0heir & dy+s are wired di!!erently than w men+s' 1r' 2r ss states that men are m re $r ne t $er! rmance and c m$etiti n than $ic)ing u$ n s cial cues, which is why they can+t necessarily tell i! a w man is u$set right away' (he ma)es the $ int that sel!9maintenance and sel!9management are di!!erent &etween men and w men' While w men tend t reach ut t thers when stressed, men will try t esca$e

stress' (he then says that c mmunicati n is a ma: r !act r in c $ing with stress ! r & th men and w men' Ward &serves in the sit c m 50he Big Bang 0he ry6 h w c u$les w r) thr ugh a c n!lict' 0he & y!riend, Le nard, wasn+t listening and was unaware that his girl!riend was u$set' 0he girl!riend, "enny, then &ecame even m re u$set due t the !act that Le nard was unaware' But ultimately Le nard :ust wanted "enny t &e ha$$y, and he t ld her he su$$ rted her, which hel$ed res lve the c n!lict .Ward, 2014/'

Ways ! -andling C n!lict While men and w men are di!!erent $hysically, mentally and em ti nally, there are ways t res lve c n!lict that a$$ly t & th' Many auth rs have tested many di!!erent hy$ theses, and came t these c nclusi ns; 1' -aving a r mantic $artner wh dis$lays &etter c n!lict rec very sh uld &e ass ciated with e,$eriencing m re $ sitive relati nshi$ em ti ns and higher relati nshi$ satis!acti n' .(alvat re et al, 2011 / 2' 0arget $artici$ants wh were m re securely attached in in!ancy sh uld dis$lay &etter rec very !r m r mantic9relati nshi$ c n!lict, as sh uld their adult r mantic $artners' .(alvat re et al, 2011/ 3' "artners+ c n!lict rec very sh uld interact with target $artici$ants+ in!ant attachment hist ries t $redict relati nshi$ sta&ility 2 years later' .(alvat re et al, 2011/ 4' <ariati ns in characteristic levels ! l ve and anger#u$set e,$erienced in di!!erent relati nshi$s sh uld trac) inde$endent !itness relevant !eatures ! th se relati nshi$s .8llis and Malamuth, 2000/'

=' Because anger#u$set and l ve trac) di!!erent !eatures ! relati nshi$s and !uncti n t regulate di!!erent !acets ! &ehavi r, these em ti n systems sh uld &e largely inde$endent .8llis and Malamuth, 2000/' >' 0hese tw systems may each $r vide in$ut t m re general mechanisms underlying variati ns in !eelings ! relati nshi$ satis!acti n .8llis and Malamuth, 2000/' 7. Feelings of love and relationship satisfaction should each contribute uniquely to levels of commitment-promoting behaviors directed toward ones partner (Ellis and Malamuth, 2000).

0he results ! these tests were that &eing a&le t c mmunicate is in&red &ut must als &e learned, and there must &e a &alance ! em ti ns in rder ! r there t &e &alance in a relati nshi$' Lin (hi agrees, and adds that c u$les must &e a&le t identi!y the $r &lem and &e a&le t c nstruct a s luti n $lan .(hi, 2003/' 1rs' Les and Leslie "arr tt+s research agrees with this, and e,$ands n it, saying that c n!lict is g d ! r a relati nshi$, &ecause it can strengthen

the relati nshi$' ?ane gives a = ste$ $r cess ! r av iding c n!lict, and it all g es &ac) t c mmunicati n' Camille Chatter:ee stated in an article she wr te that i! !riendshi$s have un)n wn & undaries, that uncertainty can create tensi n and c n!lict in a relati nshi$ .Chatter:ee, 2001/' Arta) vs)y adds t Chatter:ee+s the ry, saying that stress will create the same result, and gives a 10 ste$ $r cess t w r) thr ugh stress in relati nshi$s, starting with rec gniti n, creating a $lan t eliminate stress, and ends with &eing mind!ul ! the ther $ers n+s !eelings .Arta) vs)y, 2011/'

C mmunicati n is ?ey

While researching this t $ic, the main theme thr ugh ut these articles is c mmunicati n is )ey' Whether in $lat nic relati nshi$s r r mantic relati nshi$s, ne must &e willing t c mmunicate' 0here are c untless research studies and ste$ &y ste$ $r cesses ne can read, &ut i! ne is n t willing t &e $en and u$!r nt, c n!lict will e,$l de and remain a c nstant as$ect ! ne+s li!e' 8ntering the C nversati n 8ntering the c nversati n ideas; 1' why d * agree with the lit review@ 2' "r $ se a $lan ! r h w t res lve said issues (h ws li)e 0he Big Bang 0he ry satiriAe c n!licts and ma)e it seem li)e c n!licts are c mical, when in all reality they are n t' 0his then can create issues with h w $e $le thin) c n!lict can &e res lved' Much ! the time they use dec ys such as se, r drin)ing as their way ! either av iding r res lving c n!lict, which d n+t w r) in relati nshi$s in real li!e' While *+m n t married, * can imagine that the last thing a married w man w uld want t d is get $hysical with her hus&and while she is u$set with him' (it C ms als tend t ver9e,aggerate h w irrati nal w men get during c n!lict and h w &livi us men are t the $r &lem' % r e,am$le, during an e$is de ! 0he Big Bang 0he ry, the girl!riend, "enny, 4uits her waitressing : & t ! cus n &ec ming an actress' -er & y!riend, Le nard, av ids telling her that she is &eing rash and th ughtless, &ut eventually it the truth sli$s ut' "enny is !uri us that he wasn+t h nest with her, and Le nard isn+t sure ! h w t handle the situati n' A!ter days ! av iding each ther, they !inally have a heart9t 9heart and e,$lain h w they & th !eel' A!ter tal)ing, they rec ncile and everything is )' While this st ry nly $ rtrays c n!lict !r m a r mantic relati nshi$, the same idea can a$$ly t $lat nic relati nshi$s' A!ter researching many di!!erent s urces ! r this $a$er, * agree with the c nclusi ns that researchers have c me u$ with' *t is &est t c mmunicate with y ur !riend r signi!icant ther instead ! av iding the issue' Av iding the issue will nly ma)e it w rse, as well as creating m re c n!lict' While the research * have d ne has sh wn several meth ds t av iding r res lving c n!lict, * !eel li)e there are a !ew ste$s that sh uld als &e ta)en that were n t menti ned' Bne such ste$ is t n t leave the $remises when y u are mad' (t rming !! will nly !urther damage a relati nshi$' *nstead ! leaving, calmly state that y u need t c l !! and y u will &e &ac) in a little while t calmly discuss the issue at hand' 0hen give y ursel! s me time t c l !! and regr u$' When ne is in the heat ! the m ment, things are said that can end a relati nshi$ with a sna$ ! a !inger' By giving y ursel! time t c llect y ur th ughts, it als eliminates the $ ssi&ility ! saying s mething y u will later regret' *t als gives y ur !riend#signi!icant ther a chance t d the same, and when y u &egin the c nversati n, it is m re li)ely y u will &e a&le t eliminate the misunderstanding with ut creating thers'

An ther ste$ w uld &e, i! y u can+t tal) thr ugh the $r &lem &y y urselves, get a 3rd $arty+s $ini n' * w uld n t rec mmend tal)ing t a cl se !riend a& ut the $r &lem' 8s$ecially i! the cl se !riend is ! the $$ site gender' 7n! rtunately, in my e,$erience, when an individual tal)s t a !riend ! the $$ site gender, that is usually h w a!!airs get started' 0his is m stly true ! r r mantic relati nshi$s' -aving an individual telling y u that y u are right and y ur $artner is wr ng and c m! rting y u is a $er!ect seed $lanted ! r !eelings t &l ss m' C t that * am saying it ha$$ens every time, &ut it is highly li)ely' A c unsel r is a great $lace t w r) n rec nciliati n' 0here is n &ias $ini n, r side ta)ing' A c unsel r w uld !!er the wisd m and directi n a c u$le s des$erately needs, as well as giving t ls ! r h w t im$r ve in the !uture'