Page 34 Healthy Cells Magazine Peoria May 2014

planning for life's journey

or her adult children. This situation is similar to a parent failing to
communicate with a child and then expecting the child to work
with him when the child becomes a teenager.
One way of beginning to reach out to parents in their 50s and
60s is to help them with seasonal projects. For example, a daugh-
ter might help her mother plant her moms favorite flowers. A son
might ask his teenager to help his grandfather mow the lawn or
hold a ladder while his grandfather climbs.
Early assistance will pay large dividends in the future. Most
likely, Dad and Mom will feel secure as they are assisted if help is
provided in gradual, small, and consistent steps. When the time
comes for the family to begin working through issues that arise
as parents age into their late 60s or 70s, the parents may find
accepting help a bit easier. A good example is speaking to parents
regarding making changes in living arraignments.
Another important interaction is with Advanced Directives. As
the family interaction builds, children may approach their parents
with their thoughts on future health care. This planning is called
Advanced Directives and can be as simple as a health care power
of attorney (HC-POA), which allows a named person to help make
health care decisions when/if needed and appropriate. A more
developed tool incorporates the HC-POA while simultaneously
defining which health care measures a person would wish to have
accomplished in a number of circumstances. For example, when a
parent would want to obtain or want to stop a breathing machine,
a feeding tubes, certain medications, or where care is provided.
In the Peoria area, both OSF and Unity Point Methodist offer
advance care planning services. OSF may be contacted at 309-
683-6002. Unity Point Methodist may be reached at 309-671-
5113. By communicating and helping parents early with small
projects, the larger issues and projects will then become much
easier to resolve.
Coordinating care for children and parents simultaneously is
not easy. What can individuals in the sandwich generation do to
manage? It is important for members of this generation to heed
three words of advice: Plan, Plan, Plan. Legal, financial, residential,
mental, and physical health care elements must be addressed prior
to a crisis. An individual in the sandwich generation should guide
his or her parent through tough issues while being careful not to
take all control away from the parent. Start talking, making sug-
gestions, and guiding parents early do not wait for a crisis.
This column was a result of questions asked on our blog. Feel
free to visit our blog: livingbyyourdesigninc.blogspot.com/ and
communicate with us.
For more information, contact Living By Your Design, Inc.,
focusing on the issues of Older Americans: legal, financial, free
guidance for residential placement and health care issues. Call:
309-285-8088. Website: www.LivingByYourDesignInc.com. Loca-
tion: 809 W. Detweiller Dr., Peoria, IL 61615.
Photo credit: Monkey Business Images/Thinkstock
When Does Helping a
Parent Best Begin?
By Steven Buttice, Founder and President, Living By Your Design, Inc.
A
nother season has past. Spring is showing its beauty, and
the shrubs are flowering. Dad and Mom have begun small
projects in their yard. Even in their late 50s and early 60s,
they can begin to appear frailer, exercising a bit more caution on
ladders and stairways.
Loved ones who care for their parents often wonder: When is it
best to start offering help for more physically demanding projects?
Life today is active, especially for women who care for both their
parents and children. These are people caught in the sandwich
generation.
In todays busy society, adult children do not usually reach
out to help their parents when their parents are at the far-end of
middle age their 50s and early 60s. As time passes and a par-
ent finds him or herself requiring substantial help, there has been
no precedent for assistance. Therefore, if a major event happens,
the parent is less likely to accept suggestions and help from his