cypress

/sprs/
n. 1: a collection of ideas
and images for you
Remark 4
New Oceana 7
Four College Essentials 8
The Natural Rhythm 12
The Summer Guide 13
Lions in Cages 22
The Wrong Way to Interrogate 25
Our New Illusion of Safety 30
The Animal in Man 34
Guise 36
Welcome to the rst issue of Cypress, a pet
project and cruel mistress. We wanted to
create a more formal outlet for showcasing
some of my and my peers work and I think
weve certainly made... Something.
Nowadays its hard to get anyones atention
for longer than a breath, much less keep it.
Given the speed of this world and the constant
stimuli, creating anything is a great way to
slow down, to reect. Slowing down feels
appropriate given the season, maybe the best
way to thrive in the heat. Too ofen we nd
ourselves burnt out and exasperated.
Many thanks to our contributors and models,
believe me, This collection of ideas certainly had
me reecting and looking at subjects in a new
light. It was an absolute pleasure to have everyone
involved. With that said, sit down, relax, and enjoy.
Till next time,
LUCAS RASCHBACHER
Editor-in-Chief
Aspiring ghost hunter and
of-brand cereal connoisseur
ELIZABETH BROPHY
Copy Editor & Fact Checker
Is on a rst name basis with
most cab drivers and carnies
ELBERT KIM
Managing Editor
Thinks pinot grigio goes
well with crunk songs
GABE WORSTELL
Contributor
Parties harder than Steve
Aoki and Virginia Woolf
SEAN WILLIAMS
Contributor
Recently caught listening
to Destinys Child
ADAM WOJTECZKO
Contributor
Has never won a
game of monopoly
ELIOT SACHS
Contributor
Retired mercenary, just
made an eharmony account
CONNOR SIMS
Contributor
Part-time saxophonist,
full-time belieber
BEN HILZER
Contributor
Reads at an
eighth grade level
identity
/dentit/
remark
/rimrk/
n. 1: an expression of opinion or judgment
2: mention of which deserves attention or
notice 3: the act of noticing or observing
Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 7
Welcome to New Oceana
CONNOR SIMS
With summer upon us, I and
my fellow twenty-somethings are
drawn to pursue that perfect vaca-
tion, night, ing that we have been
trained to pursue throughout our
lives. Popular culture dictates we
do it, and thus we have been charac-
terized by those generations before
us as apathetic about real issues,
over-concerned with appearance,
and inclined to defer responsibility
to others (caring isnt cool anyhow).
I believe hindsight has, and al-
ways will be, 20/20.

With information readily avail-
able, the entire world is experienc-
ing what it always has: war, unrest,
natural disaster, hatred, change.
What sets our generation apart is
that we are all experiencing these
happenings together.
We are connected and issues,
once separated by oceans of dis-
tance and time, are a touch away.
Our generation is one of countless
causes; the rhetoric around them
makes them tangible and the vehi-
cles of receiving that rhetoric make
them personal. Some say we dont
want to become adults. Some of us
would reply that every role model
has skeletons in their closet, and we
will nd out. We strive for immor-
tality and have goten closer than
any before us, but our weakness
is human and is not bound by the
gains of technology or the liberty
of information. Much like the crisp
twenty dollar bills that cough out
of our credit heavy bank accounts,
the solution to almost anything
ready for the taking. Consequently,
technology and information facili-
tate that feeling which actually has
achieved everlasting life: fear. Per-
haps it is why we are apatheic, vain,
and maligning.
Constant awareness perturbs us
to a fucked up world and our chic,
rose-colored glasses are smashed
into countless shards. With that,
we enter New Oceana. The perfect
summer with that perfect someone
and plenty of women, weed, and
weather. If all goes to plan, sun-
glasses and Advil will be a neces-
sity; the only real thing will be last
night. And so will the next if we
have anything to say about it.
Sincerely,
I dont care. I love it.
Youre only young
once, but you can stay
immature indenitely.
OGDEN NASH
8 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 9
College is the period in your life
when you leave the control and
protection of your parents and enter
this new world of booze, girls and
VERY litle responsibility. We have
the ability to say, Yeah I dont think
Ill go to that class today, instead I
think Ill day drink. It is a period of
selshness where experimentation,
personal growth and self (over)
indulgence are completely okay.
As a recent college graduate, I have
compiled a short list of four things
that you absolutely must do while
embarking on this 4 (or 5 or 6) year
journey.
That is your college experience.
1. Study Abroad
3. Go On Spring Break
2. Sex, Drugs And Regrettable Tattoos
Four College Essentials
GABE WORSTELL
So youre walking to class and you
get stopped by who you presume to
be another persistent Jesus pusher.
Upon further analysis however, you
nd that this girl is no Jesus pusher;
no, this girl is... a foreign exchange
student. Shes what we call, The
Great White Bualo, The Unicorn,
The Hidden Gem. This girl has
it all: an itch for adventure, the
perfect olive toned skin and, what
we in laymans terms call, a sexy ass
accent. If I told you that you could
have the opportunity to incite the
same intrigue and fascination on
others as this fantasy woman did
to you today, would you believe me?
Well, I dont care very much what
you think because it is possible.
You can be that exotic foreigner!
In all seriousness though, studying
in another country gives you
the privilege to embark on the
adventure of a lifetime, while
simultaneously learning invaluable
new things about the culture,
customs and language of this new
place. Not to mention, it allows you
to sow your wild oats on another
continent, which is reason alone
to hop over the pond and give it a
go. Many people talk themselves
out of the experience because they
feel it is too expensive or because
they dont want to miss a semester
at home. There are places, such as
Thailand, Czech Republic and many
South American countries that are
just as expensive, and sometimes
cheaper, than home universities. As
to the people not wanting to miss
a semester at home, stop making
excuses, man up and go abroad!
Lets start by stating something
that we can prety much all agree
on. Doing coke o of a strippers
inner thigh while blacked out in
Vegas is somewhat frowned upon
when you have a toddler, mortgage
and a hot blonde trophy wife
depending on you. Unfortunately,
there comes a day when we must
give our deviated septums a break
and become productive, responsible
adults. Until that dark day comes
however, get it out of your system.
Experiment, learn and have fun
because one day, this type of fun
wont be permissible. As for that
douchey tribal tatoo that you
want to get down the side of your
ribcage, that you will regret once
your body gets old and gross, that
says resilience in ancient Greek, go
for it! Youll cherish the memory.
Although, maybe not the permanent
reminder that stares back at you in
the mirror every morning. Late the
other night, for whatever reason
(boredom most likely), I found
10 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013
4. Get The Grades and Get the Job
I imagine that one of the biggest troubles with
colleges is there are too many distractions,
too much panty-raiding, fraternities,
and boola-boola and all of that.
MALCOLM X
myself watching the television
trash that we have come to know as
MTV. It was late enough that they
were actually playing music videos,
and afer watching several, I began
to see a common theme: beaches,
boats and sluts in swimsuits. I had
a realization right then, that these
music videos are spiting images of
what my spring break looked like.
Girls go on special diets consisting
of Adderall and cigaretes weeks
before spring break, specically so
they look phenomenal while they
twerk it on the beach. Whether it is
South Padre, Mexico, Vegas or Lake
Havasu, jump on a spring break trip
because it is denitely a drunken
debauchery of a good time!. Find
a high paying job, whether its
landscaping, general labor or simply
working full time. Suck it up.
12 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013
I am constantly moving. I dont
even realize I am doing it most of
the time, but I am ofen reminded
by those aected around me. The
times that I am not consciously
moving, I am either bouncing my
leg, tapping my hand, or something
similar in nature while maintain-
ing mentally unaware. My friend-
ly neighborhood hypochondriacs
have proposed I suer from rest-
less leg syndrome, but I have anoth-
er theory driven by the not-so-coin-
cidental rhythm these movements
have.
All music is built with a rhythmic
infrastructure, decorated with var-
ious melodies on top; the rhythm is
what you bob your head to and the
melody is what youre humming
afer listening. Rhythm is usually
created using drums or other types
of percussion, but it doesnt have to
be. It can be as simple as an acoustic
guitar with hard strums, a maraca
lightly in the background, and most
intriguingly: nothing at all. Music
that has only has one instrument
can still make the listener bob their
head and feel the articial rhythm
even though an instrument isnt
creating it. Its as if rhythm is nat-
urally occurring, and the melody is
just playing over it with an equal
uidity.
When youre having a conversa-
tion with someone, there is almost a
ow as to how the words come out
of your mouth. It isnt rehearsed, it
just happens, and the other person
does the same thing.
Some sort of silent rhythm ows
through everything and all of us
that allows for us to act as the melo-
dy to the rhythm of life in conver-
sation and during our daily lives.
Those who deliver successful
presentations or sales pitches are
those who have tapped into the
rhythm and therefore appeal to the
listener, because the listener too is
a part of rhythm. They just might
not know it yet.
Music is beautiful.
Everyone has their own specic
interests and disinterests in music
for a variety of dierent reasons.
Perhaps dierent people hear dif-
ferent things when listening to
various genres. Similarly, dierent
people connect on dierent levels
through conversation because they
are on the same beat of lifes nat-
urally occurring rhythm, and the
sooner we all feel it, the clearer our
world will be.
The Summer Guide
Lucas Raschbacher
Music and Movement
BEN HILZER
14 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 15
Geraldine
The Avett Brothers
Flathead
The Fratellis
Save Tonight
Eagle Eye Cherry
Typical
MuteMath
The Wild Hunt
The Tallest Man on Earth
My Body
Young the Giant
One Angry Dwarf
Ben Folds Five
Helicopter
Bloc Party
Gold on the Ceiling
The Black Keys
Flagpole Sitta
Harvey Danger
Recovery
Frank Turner
Lost in My Mind
The Head and the Heart
All the Pretty Girls
fun.
Submarines
The Lumineers
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
Neutral Milk Hotel
Black and Gold
Sam Sparro
We Can Roll
Bad Rabbits
Sexy Results
Death From above 1979
I Have High Expectations
Hussle Club
Heartbreaker
MSTRKRFT
Nothing to Worry About
Peter Bjorn & John
The Room Got Heavy
Yo La Tengo
Nightcall
Kavinsky
Face to Face
Daft Punk
Drugs in My Body
Thieves Like Us
Hypnotize U (Nero Remix)
N.E.R.D. & Daft Punk
She Did It Again
Doc Ish
Whats the Altitude
Cut Chemist
She Needs Me (Monarchy Remix)
Fyfe Dangereld
Go to Sleep
Lupe Fiasco
Listen to This Make This
&
The Marinade
12 oz Red Wine Vinegar
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1 tbsp Minced Garlic
tbsp Minced Onion
1 tsp Ground Black Pepper
Mix all the ingredients in a
shallow container. Then add
the steaks to the mixture.
Cover the container and
refrigerate for one hour.
Choose Your Cut
Ribeye is tender and avorful
like a perfect rst wife. Youll
want to get a cut thats at least
two inches thick and grill at very
high heat 5-7 minutes per side.
Porterhouse is two cuts in one
and will make vegans regret
their lifestyle choices. Grill at
high heat 3-5 minutes per side
for a perfect medium rare.
Hanger cuts are great for
smaller grills. Cover and
grill 6 minutes per side.
The Veggies
1 lb Trimmed Asparagus
1 tbsp Olive Oil
Salt & Pepper to Taste
Coat the trimmed asparagus
spears with olive oil and
season with salt and pepper
to your hearts content. Youll
want your grill preheated to
a high temperature. Grill for
2-3 minutes to get a crunchy
but not tough texture.
The Grain
2 cups Long Grain Rice
5 cups Water
3 tbsp Chopped Cilantro
3 tsp Vegetable Oil
Salt to taste
Lime Juice to taste
Throw the rice, water, and 1
tsp of the oil into a heavy pot.
Bring that sucker to a boil until
the water level evaporates
to just the top of the rice.
Then reduce to low heat and
cover for 15 minutes. Add the
cilantro and season with salt
to taste. Add lime juice to taste
as well, do so judiciously.
The Drink
2 oz Gin
1 oz Lemon Juice
1 tsp superne sugar
3 oz Club Soda
1 slice Orange
Add ice, gin, lemon juice and
sugar to shaker. Shake like a
Polaroid picture. Strain into a
collins glass almost lled with
ice cubes, add club soda and
stir . Garnish with the slice of
orange, but feel free to make
like Vito Corleone and just stick
the wedge in your mouth.
Serve promptly. Youll want
to prepare all this publicly for
friends and acquaintances so
no one suspects your diet still
chiey consists of lunchables
and milk straight from the jug.
16 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 17
Do This Dont Do This
&
The Dogghting Ring
You love animals. You love com-
petition. You love money. You
loved playing Pokemon as a kid.
Starting a neighborhood dog-
ghting ring seems like a great
way to combine all your passions.
Resist the temptation.
Remember that you are not a fa-
mous athlete and that you will
not be glossed over afer an ap-
propriate period of public out-
rage. Remember that all dogs
go to heaven, and they will get
a head start on snitching on you
and making sure the pearly gates
stay closed for you. Also, the
clean-up is a long and arduous
process.
Youll have to come up with a rat-
ings system more complicated
than that of boxing on account
of breeds. It will be more work
than you ever could have imag-
ined. You will be unprepared for
defeat. Its just not worth it.
The Theme Park
The smell of funnel cake and
sweat hangs in the air. Screams
in the distance, uninterested mi-
gratory workers. It seemed like
such a good idea until you got
here. Unfortunately every theme
park visit will leave you feeling,
thinking, and maybe even behav-
ing like Colonel Kurtz.
Its a bad acid trip that costs 10
times as much as bloters. Seem-
ingly orphaned children run wild,
dropping deuces in the shallow
end of the wave pool. Waiting in
the lines, you reect on your life.
What has brought you here to
this moment? What sin did you
commit to deserve this fate?
Eventually you will return home.
Most post-theme park activi-
ties are siting and crying fully
clothed in the shower, slowly
rocking back and forth. PTSD
is common and could last years.
Seek therapy and stave
o the ashbacks.
The Signicant Other
Keep it casual and playful. Youre
a human being goddamn it. Re-
member how you learned that
bears gorge themselves in sum-
mer in preparation for winter.
Thats what starting a relation-
ship means during these months;
youre a big dumb animal.
If youre already involved, keep
at it, remember were all very
proud of you. Remember their
needs and wants and tend to
them without expecting any-
thing in return. Remember that
we were all made to be loved and
how lucky you feel every day
to nd this person. Remember
that every moment with them is
a blessing you could never take
for granted.
Also remember your (future)
spouse is more likely than anyone
else to murder you in your sleep
faster than you can pronounce
Oscar Pistorius correctly.
The Roadtrip
Pack a car with enough friends
so you end up with an odd num-
ber. As the hours and miles pass
by, one person will be needed to
become the cars pariah. They
will be blamed for all undesired
smells and lack of seating space,
even if they arent in the same
row of seating. Choose someone
with a good sense of humor for
this role, barring that, someone
who isnt a necessary friend.
Bring the worst, cheapest vac-
uum-sealed gas station snacks
and jugs of water. Synchronize
all of your urination schedules
within the rst 150 miles. Fight
over whether you should turn
o the air conditioning and roll
up the windows to conserve
fuel.
Go somewhere uninhabited,
sleep under the stars and talk
about big ideas. Mercilessly tor-
ment the pariah. They will nev-
er forget this trip.
The Concert
Again, gather a group of friends.
Make sure you all enjoy the type
of musicians youre going to see,
but not too much. Make sure at
least two in the group are CPR
certied. Buy drugs from a rich
kid or throw on a ski mask if
youre about that life.
Hydrate constantly at the
show. Try to keep it to less than
three panic atacks per set. Ac-
cept anything and everything
strangers oer you. Dont take
it yourself, keep it and sell it to
the kids that look like the most
action theyve goten was seeing
a tity on HBO that one time.
If youre close enough to the
stage rock out. Try to make eye
contact with the performer.
Keep your sunglasses on and
give a slight nod if this happens.
This lets them know you appre-
ciate their work, but they have
sold out and you grudgingly ac-
cept it.
The Day Party
Reinforce your weekday sched-
ule by continuing to wake up on
the weekends. Start drinking
early, it doesnt count as depen-
dence unless you black out only
to come to having goten your-
self a table at Chuck E. Cheese
for one.
Make a slip and slide in a yard
with litle regard for human life.
Remember that there are people
so poor they will never drink
water as clean as the bit through
which youre about to slosh your
sweaty torso. Make a human
pyramid at the end of the slide
and do not stop until someone
gets injured badly enough to ap-
preciate Obamacare.
Start grilling as the day wanes.
Pass out for a bit then discover
the grill was lef on and the host-
ing residence has burned down.
If youre a guy, grow a mustache
and ee south of the border. If
youre a lady, do not grow a mus-
tache. Then ee.
18 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 19
What We Like
What We Dont
Yeezus
Kanyes newest album is devoid
of a hit single, leaked too late,
and the production is beyond
unorthodox. And its fucking
great. While he doesnt meet
the bar he set himself with My
Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy,
similar ideas run throughout.
The Nina Simone samples are on
point. The marketing campaign
was brilliant. The packaging is
simpler than Forrest Gump. No
stone lef unturned, this is a piece
of art. Hes one meltdown in the
MoMA away from immortality
and that might actually be hap-
pening soon.
Been Trill
This group of DJs turned art
collective runs one of the only
palatable tumblr sites on the
web. Their mixes are good, and
their street collaborations are
dope or fresh or whatever the
cool kids call it. Most important-
ly, their image macros are cool-
er than Will Smith in his Fresh
Prince days and they can teach
you how to grow and synthesize
cocaine. While a hundred bucks
for a t-shirt with an emoji on it
seems whack, maybe thats the
joke. Either way these guys are
killing it and we all hope their
feen minutes lasts even longer.
Otter Pops
They were good when you were a
kid and theyre still good enough
for you. You will never have buy-
ers remorse from oter pops.
They come in more avors than
you have taste buds. Theyre a
good company too, they consid-
ered and ultimately reversed a
decision to remove a avor be-
cause of a petition created by
fourth-graders. Theyre cheaper
than air conditioning and afer
giving you diabetes, you wont
have too many more summers
to go on dealing with not having
air conditioning. Theyre beter
than hugs and drugs.
Voting Rights
Act Repeal
This sets a real fucking danger-
ous tone for America and the
decidedly still-racist south. Two
hours afer the decision, Texas
was already starting to draw up
new district boundaries in their
eort to win the who can disen-
franchise minorities the fastest
game. This is why constituents
dont trust politicians anymore,
and why crazy people every-
where are super bummed Wash-
ington suit-wearers dont ride in
convertibles anymore afer that
whole Kennedy thing. This is the
wrong path for the US.
Crosst
Just like a marathon, if you
couldnt tell anyone you were
doing it, no one would do it. This
goes along with the paleo diet. If
you really want to get prehistoric
t, go live without running wa-
ter or clothes and only take shits
while squating in elds. Youre
going to have less cartilage than
Batman did in the latest Dark
Knight movie and you dont even
beat the sociopathic urges out of
bad people with your bare hands.
No one cares that youre doing it
except your trainer, and hes on
more steroids than all of baseball
in the late 90s.
People Who Say They
Cant Eat Gluten
Yes they fucking can.
Stephen A. Smith
If Nicki Minaj and Nickelback
made an album together, it would
be far more listenable than this
dude.
&
20 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013
22 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 23
On a particularly humid day, I
stand in front of the dense, smudgy
glass that has been the subject of
countless gropes and smears of chil-
dren and adults alike. The glare of
the sun is intense and the scorching
heat that comes with the evenings
approach has me wondering why I
chose to wake up so late in the day,
and subsequently, why I chose to go
to the zoo. As I wipe away a running
bead of sweat from my brow, I lean
in and squint to catch a glimpse at
whats on the other side of the safety
glass.
Inside this cage is the deadly lion
that is known to be the King of the
Jungle. An animal of ferocity and
strength that has earned itself pride
and glory throughout the Savanna.
Few can bear witness to that mag-
nicent roar, a bellow that marks
the lions wish to be heard, its state-
ment of existence.
This beautiful specimen is in this
very cage and every person who
has stopped on their casual walk
through the Africa section has tak-
en extra time at this exhibit to cap-
ture a photo of this four hundred
pound killer.
Here I stand waiting with the
crowd as I struggle to make out
anything that resembles a giant
man-eating cat within the tan slabs
of rock, but the cage appears emp-
ty. Onlookers continue on their
way while a child asks, Wheres the
lion, Daddy? with which he replies,
They must be sleeping, sweetheart.
Lets go nd Mommy.
I continue to stand and wait.
There is no way that I am leaving
without seeing a lion when I walked
and stood this long in the heat. All I
could think about was how typical
it is that the one animal on display
that I actually want to see isnt even
out. I mean, come on, youre a feline
that lives in Africa, Im sure you can
deal with the heat. I let out a sigh
as I fan my shirt to cool o my now
sweaty torso and I take one last look
toward the dark hole which appears
to lead to the lions den.
As if my wish had been answered,
a large male lion emerges from the
darkness, slowly scoping out its sur-
roundings. It pats the rocky oor of
its cage and begins to walk toward
the glass with careful precision. I
take a step forward, excited to catch
an up-close encounter with the
beast, and luckily for me there are no
people to obstruct my view. I expect
him to stop and turn toward anoth-
er point of interest at any moment,
but he continues to walk a straight
line toward the glass, as if hes being
called over. He continues his slow,
surreptitious approach until he
reaches the face of the glass where
he heavily drops himself onto the
ground with a great thud, land-
ing in a position facing me. Wow!
I stand in amazement as I gaze
at his massive body. The beast is
almost twice my size and judging
from how close I am to his face,
Im sure my head could t right
in his mouth. Im starting to feel
uneasy at the idea that only the
layer of glass separates me from
this deadly apex predator, how-
ever, it doesnt stop me from lean-
ing my face inches away from the
glass. His mane remains ued
and full while the rest of his coat
shimmers a healthy shine in the
suns rays.
I examine the lion. I see his
large paws with sharp visceral
claws, his rened and aged fangs,
and I see his eyes.
My eyes meet with those of
the lion and in that moment, the
excitement that had once over-
whelmed me disappears and is
replaced with a feeling of deep
empathy.
I am supposed to be staring a
proud lion in the eyes, yet noth-
ing behind those cold black veils
holds any life or are that is to be
expected from such a dangerous
beast. Where is the command-
ing presence? Where is the sub-
tle condence of a predator that
knows no equal? My mind lls
with questions and I am soon
both depressed and disgusted at
the sight in front me.
This lion is lost. Its obvious
from his vacant stare and his
dull, meager acknowledgment of
his surroundings that he has been
broken, defeated in his conne-
ment. You are a dangerous killer.
You should be roaring, ghting,
and raging against the four walls
that contain you from freedom.
You should be clawing and snarl-
ing at the glass to try and rip my
head o due to pure hatred, not
passively laying before me. Where
did it all go? I imagine a young lion
cub, a bright and proud beast that
has proven his worth in the hunt.
Hes taken and placed in a world
that he does not understand, and
consequently, it maters none that
he is the killer that he is. He paces
the oor of his cage, each way met
with a wall that further denies
him from his former self. Each day
he is forced to submit, each day he
gives up his pride until nally he is
an old lion that no longer remem-
bers his own essence. I continue to
stare at the lion in this cage and I
cant bear to see him just sit there
anymore. Behind his stare, behind
all his lost days, is his sad accep-
tance of his reality, and it is this
that haunts me.
I turn to look away and notice
a group of kids running to come
see the now visible lion. I begin to
walk away and I think to myself,
Have fun, kids, but you wont be
seeing a lion in there.
In college were pumped full of
idealistic beliefs and hype that we
are the future that is to come and
change the world for the beter.
We take up causes and correct oth-
ers on misinformed assumptions
thinking that this is all we can do
for the moment. Were lled with
eager potential and sharp minds
that imagine a tomorrow that we
have helped usher into existence.
We beat our chests and yell to be
heard because we eventually want
to be remembered for something
that maters.
But then, we graduated and it
hasnt been long since I have no-
ticed a harsh reality: we have
graduated into a world that has
no place for us. In 2010, almost
half the graduates with a bache-
My Fears: Lions in Cages
ELBERT KIM
24 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 25
The shooting sprees in Aurora and
Sandy Hook have deeply scarred our
nation. Both events have spawned
discussions on mental health prac-
tices and gun control. The perpetra-
tor of the Sandy Hook shooting com-
mited suicide on site and cannot be
questioned unlike James Holmes.
Holmes defense has pleaded not
guilty by reason of insanity to avoid
the death penalty charge sought by
prosecutors. While much of the talk
surrounding the tragedies concerns
preventive measures, we must also
examine proceedings during such
trials. The judge in Holmes case has
The Wrong Way to Interrogate
ADAM WOJTECZKO
lors degree were working at jobs
that didnt even require a college
education. This statistic hasnt
changed much in recent years, so
thats 5 years of backlog since the
economy tanked, which has peo-
ple looking for jobs anywhere they
can. And, once the jobs do open
up, they would go to the upcoming
graduating class and not to those
that have painfully worked as be-
ing a waiter, or car technician, or
customer service rep to pay the
bills afer college. Its an implicit
block from hiring our generation
when most jobs require 1-2 years
of experience or a Masters degree,
leaving no entry level positions
for the new applicants. There are
ways through networking and
connections, but the people who
dont have that way in are hosed.
Its hard to nd a job in the liberal
arts eld that is relevant to your
major; however, its even harder to
pursue a career of your interest.
Eventually youre lef being told
to take anything that comes your
way because, supposedly, a job is
a job.
I dont want this for me. I will
be, and will always remain, an
idealist and I will live my life by
seting my own example. I un-
derstand that the job market is in
shambles and that geting a job,
let alone a job that you want, is by
sheer luck these days, but I refuse
to setle. I go about my day trying
to make my place in this world by
doing what I want to do, but thats
not how it works anymore. The
jobs I want, theyre out of reach
because of the illogical shut out
of the inexperienced, yet fully ca-
pable, recent graduates. What is
lef are the jobs that society then
tells me that Im capable of hav-
ing, and that is in administrative
work for elds of which I have no
interest.
So I continue to walk down
new paths, and explore new op-
tions only to be met with more
walls, glass ceilings, and red tape.
These restrictions made in the
professional world that continue
to move me away from the career
that I want and toward spots that
devalue my intelligence. Its frus-
trating, its depressing, and above
all, its disillusioning.
I begin to question whether
I can make it, or if I should just
swallow my pride and just setle
with that job that I hate for the
time being, but Im reminded of
that lion. I recall his dark defeat-
ed eyes and cant allow myself to
end up the same way.
I wont allow myself to be bro-
ken or defeated by a system that
protects a status quo that pre-
vents me from reaching my goals
and dreams. I wont pace around
the cage and let myself forget my
drive and aspirations because of
my current circumstances. Thats
my biggest fear. The thing that I
constantly ght against.
Im afraid that one day Ill end
up just like that old lion, in a place
for which I feel nothing but abso-
lute contempt. But to be specic,
Im afraid that someday someone
will look into my eyes and feel
sympathy at the wasted potential,
the same way I did when I gazed
at that lion in that cage.
I wont pace
around the cage
26 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 27
approved the use of narcoanalytic interviews for
Holmes. These drugs lower suspects inhibitions; col-
loquially known as truth sera. The question now is
what role, if any should psychiatrists and such drugs
play in these interviews and interrogations?
Interrogations can be brutal, hostile, and just
plain ugly. For oenses with serious consequences,
the majority of oenders arent willing to confess
and an interrogation might be the only way to ex-
tract information. That being said, a psychiatrist
has no reason to be a part of an interrogation. If a
person isnt willing to divulge information, a psy-
chiatrist cant do much. If they are willing to talk,
proper authorities can handle the situation just as
well as a psychiatrist. Moreover, insanity pleas are
a legal defense, not a medical diagnosis. Dr. Michael
Arono says of the suspect, if youre using a medical
procedure to try and establish a legal criterion, its
not going to work. Neither psychiatrists nor truth
serums have any viable utility in the interrogations.
In an interrogation, a police ocer is just as ca-
pable, if not more so, than a psychiatrist at extract-
ing information from the suspect. A psychiatrist
relies on truthful information from the client to
infer information about their behavior and person-
ality. If the suspect is willing to divulge truthful
information, then the interrogation should go prety
smoothly and thus, no extra help should be required.
However, most suspects arent willing to incrimi-
nate themselves and, as a result, ofen lie to the in-
terrogator. A psychiatrist will be just as befuddled
by false information as a police ocer. That being
said, a police ocer has been trained to adapt to
the type of criminal so they have the best possible
chance of extracting truthful information. Drs. Chr-
sitopher Kelly, Jeanee Miller, and Allison Redlich of
the University at Albany in combination with Dr.
Steven Kleinman of The Soufan Group have labeled
the six broad categories for interrogation styles
most used by police. They include rapport and re-
lationship building, context manipulation, emotion
provocation, collaboration, confrontation, and pre-
sentation of evidence. A psychiatrist typically uses
only one style, the rapport and relationship building
approach. Because a psychiatrist relies on this type
of a non confrontational approach, extracting said
information is a laborious process which can yield
mixed results. In a study conducted by Drs. James
Ost and Julie Cherryman of the University of Ports-
moth and Dr. Gavin Oxburgh of the University of
Tessicle, it was found that no signicant change in
the amount of investigation relevant information
they extracted as a result of diering degrees of
empathy implemented by police ocers. What this
shows is that psychiatrists are no beter at extract-
ing investigation relevant information from a person
than an ordinary police ocer. And police ocers
are a third of the cost of psychiatrists.
The social image of a psychiatrist plays a large
role in this debate. In societys eyes, a psychiatrist
can learn everything there is to know about a person
given minimal interaction with them. Unfortunately,
this is incorrect. Psychiatrists can determine the
general personality types and mental health of a per-
son, but this process takes time, money, and coopera-
tion from the client. If even one of these components
are lacking, the entire process breaks down. The de-
cision to involve a psychiatrist in an interrogation
is made based on the desire for accurate results and
the inability to acquire them through other, more
conventional methods. But, as stated above, a psy-
chiatrist needs cooperation with the client in order
to make accurate claims about their behavior and
mental states. The issue with this, other than the
cost, is that a suspect wont be any more willing to
talk to a psychiatrist than a police ocer. Both are
authority gures who can and will incriminate this
person given the opportunity so it seems unlikely
a suspect would be willing to talk to one but not
willing to talk to the other. Arguments in favor of
psychiatrists advocate learning about the suspects
behavior and personality will help determine if the
suspect is the type of person who would commit a
crime knowingly. There are two holes in this theo-
ry, the rst being that the only way a psychiatrist
will be able to learn about this person is via truthful
communication. The second hole is the diculty in
applying this information in any
relevant way to the investigation.
Murderers are dierent people,
each possessing dierent per-
sonality traits and mental states.
Since there is no standardization
in criminal personality, the time
and money spent identifying the
personality traits of the suspect
could be beter spent elsewhere.
If one of the problems with
psychiatrists is how truthful the
suspect is with the professional,
why wont truth sera work? The
term truth serum refers to a
broad spectrum of drugs, large-
ly barbiturates. These drugs
have equally large spectrum of
eects from mild sedation to an-
esthesia. In theory, lowering the
suspects inhibitions facilitates
the extraction of investigation
relevant information. There are
two problems with the drugs
however, the rst being adverse
physiological reactions and the
second being unreliable informa-
tion. Adverse reactions connected
mostly to excessive dosages cause
diculty in thinking and severe
inhibition of the central nervous
system, which controls breathing
and muscle control. At best, the
suspect is going to become con-
fused and oer incoherent and/
or possibly incorrect information.
The worst case scenario is that the
suspect suers respiratory arrest
and ends up in a coma or dies. The
information gained is fools gold
for a multitude of reasons. The
results are not always replicable;
they have led to false confessions.
Because of the drugs eects, the
suspect has a signicantly de-
creased mental acuity, picking up
on hints and cues from interview-
ers resulting in false statements
without no recollection of doing
so. There have been no large-scale
clinical studies to conrm the ef-
cacy of information achieved by
truth sera, bringing to light the ex-
actly how controversial this tactic
is. Its as if the suspect is playing
pin the tail on the donkey. One
time out of fy theyll get in the
ball park of the ass ass but surely
it cannot be worth the other forty
nine misses. A safer, more reliable
approach to identify the credibil-
ity of information given by the
suspect is to utilize a series of in-
terviews, testing the consistency
of their information and compar-
ing it with the evidence already
found in the case. Certainly this
is a much lengthier process with
a higher degree of stress for both
parties, but coercion has no place
in an interrogation. Our justice
system, though very hard pressed
for results, needs to be just in their
treatment and apprehension of
criminals.
The inherent nature of an in-
terrogation is confrontational, po-
tentially causing severe emotional
distress in the suspect. Having a
psychiatrist present can prove
benecial in maintaining a safe en-
vironment for all parties involved.
However, a safe environment for
the suspect can also be main-
tained by a defense atorney at
the same time they are consulting
their client. Drs. Stephanie Madon,
Yueran Yang, Laura Smalarz and
Max Guyll of Iowa State Universi-
ty and Dr. Kyle Sherr of Michigan
State University have found that
a suspect with a pre-existing vul-
nerability to psychological stress
is exacerbated by factors that are
immediately associated with the
interrogation situation. Since de-
fense atorneys have more expe-
rience in interrogations, they are
more aware of what investigators
can and cant do, thus ensuring a
legal interrogation is performed
(which can yield accurate results)
and no harm is done to their client.
A psychiatrist, while very well in-
formed on psychological distress,
usually has minimal understand-
ing of the legal and interrogation
process. Because their expertise
is ofen outside the eld of law,
this puts them and their client at
a signicant disadvantage for the
same cost as a defense atorney.
It doesnt make sense. A suspect
needs someone who can prevent
psychological stress and defend
their innocence, not just one.
The disadvantages of having
a psychiatrist or truth serum
present in an interrogation sig-
The information
gained is fools gold
28 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 29
The test is by no means reliable, and when
used indiscriminately, it may cloud rather
than clarify criminal investigation.
JOHN M. MACDONALD
nicantly outweigh the advantages. A psychiatrist,
while very skilled in communication and behavioral
analysis, has very litle knowledge and practicality
in the legal arena. They are no beter in extracting
information from a suspect as law enforcement of-
cials and in some situations can be worse. Psychi-
atrists rely too heavily on building a relationship
with the client rst, which takes time, money and
yields mixed results. Similarly, truth sera provide
even less reliable results with the added risk of dam-
aging the suspects health as well as posing a hypo-
thetical threat to the legal process. A plea of insanity
argues that the suspect would have commited the
crime even in the presence of a police ocer, be-
cause they did or do not understand the dierence
between right and wrong. Drugging the suspect into
a state where reality goes on the back burner has no
place in the legal process. Would you trust a person
who witnessed the crime under the inuence of the
same drugs to testify in court? Obviously not, so why
should the suspect be treated any dierently? The
more cost eective method for the just extraction
of accurate information is a police ocer who can
implement a wide range of interrogation styles, from
confrontational to relationship and rapport build-
ing. A psychiatrist would be seemingly well suited
for an interrogation because of their communicative
expertise, but the legal system already possesses
the necessary components for a successful inter-
rogation as well as the necessary protection for a
suspect from psychological distress. Well leave it
up to the professionals to determine insanity, but
drugging the suspect so theyll talk only complicates
things. If there is any chance accurate information
will be given, the suspect needs to be coherent to do
so. Otherwise, the information resulting from these
interrogations is, in reality, just the legal system is
only blowing smoke up our no smoking zones; hop-
ing that knowing the motive for the crime outweighs
our desire for a fair and accurate trial.
30 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 31
Weve all been there. The airport
security lines, the sign telling us
to take any metallic objects out of
our pockets, take o our belts and
shoes. The full body scanner or the
thorough pat-down? Its all an in-
convenience for the 99.99 percent
of people not planning on blowing
up anything.
For people like me, the average
non-terrorists, sometimes it makes
us wonder. How much do these sta,
lines and machines really make us
safer? Recent events like the Boston
Marathon bombing, which was a ter-
rible act by a couple of misguided as-
sholes, make it painfully obvious: if
people want to make a point about
whatever idiotic cause through vio-
lent acts, they will nd a way. There
is simply no way to monitor and po-
lice every unsafe situation in our
lives.
Even those without vindictive
motives end up causing harm every
day. My friends know how I drive,
and they may point out the irony of
safety here, but every time I get on
the road I cant get more than a mile
from home without seeing someone
texting and driving.
For me, these two everyday sit-
uations beg the question: how is
geting on the road less dangerous
than ying? Both seem to oppose
the safety of the public; yet we spend
vast amounts of money on install-
ing security systems in all of our air-
ports, and do litle to stop texting
and driving. In fact, most of us are
actually part of the later problem.
Were like terrorists of the road, by
manner of negligence. In terms of
safety, statistically and nancially it
makes zero sense. Why is there this
discrepancy in action between two
very evident problems? To provide
the illusion of safety.
People already have a fear of y-
ing, despite it having been proven
much safer than other ways of trav-
eling. But the amount of publicity
an airline accident or act of terror-
ism gets far outweighs the publici-
ty of any number of fatal accidents
that occur daily. Unlike driving, you
are not in control. The average air-
line passenger is still just a person,
stuck in a metal tube miles above the
ground, and a litle extra security at
the airport makes us feel beter.
News ash - how thoroughly do
you think your checked luggage
is covered? Why do you think you
have to declare all your guns? And
what about all that overpriced shit
they bring in to sell us in the 50 bil-
lion stores in the terminals? Im sure
every $9 candy bar is run through a
scanner right? Completely secure.
And at our very roots of human
nature, there is the need to control
the unknowns, whether its a terror-
ist with a bomb on your plane or the
ability to swerve out of the way of
so and so texting a picture of a cute
kiten to their BFF in the middle of
Broadway. Unfortunately, not every-
one has the idiot radar or cat-like re-
exes to avoid them, but we all still
feel beter because we are the ones
driving and able to actively manage
the risk of the unknown.
By no means am I saying we
should get rid of airport security,
and this is only an obvious example
of the illusion of safety. I commend
the intent behind it, of stopping vi-
olent acts against the innocent be-
fore they happen. We shouldnt just
lay down as a doormat for malicious
and negligent people. But sometimes
our money, our time and our eorts
could be beter placed.
My thesis is this: risk is inherent
in our lives. We spend so much time
and eort trying to control things,
but in a complex world of almost 7
billion people, not everything, or
even a fraction of everything, can be
controlled. Some systems are there
mainly for the reason of making us
feel beter, or provide this illusion of
safety. To make us sleep beter.
Whats the solution? A change of
mindset. I advocate accepting that
living is a somewhat risky business,
and has been for the last howev-
er-many-million years, but realize
the reward for doing it is innite.
We should grow up a litle bit and
accept that everything cannot be
controlled and made into a pristine,
safe environment and stop trying
to make it so. There are beter uses
for our time and energy than provid-
ing an illusion of safety. That, and
also stop being asshole terrorists...
Merica.
Our New Illusion of Safety
SEAN WILLIAMS
32 | CYPRESS | Summer 2013 Summer 2013 | CYPRESS | 33
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