Improving Your Negotiating Skills: Tips learned in the Trenches

At the beginning of training sessions, I ask students what makes them uncomfortable
about negotiating. The answers generally are:
I am afraid I will not get the best deal.
I do not enjoy working with certain types of people.
I am not always clear on what needs to be accomplished in a particular negotiation and
how to get there.
I can get lost in the process. hile getting bogged down in details, I lose track of what I
really want to accomplish.
!ere are some tips to help with your negotiating efforts:
Tip #1: Negotiating is not merely a series of compromises
"ost people negotiate using a #ero sum process. They look at what they want, raise that
$% or $& percent, and then engage is a series of compromises to get to a result. The effort
is on the position they take, and getting as much of that position for themsel'es as
possible. Their mission is not to get a satisfactory deal for both parties. It is to win.
"any call that, being a tough negotiator. It is e(tremely stressful.
The tendency is to negotiate from the standpoint of positions. "ost negotiators ne'er
really stop to ask why they want, what they want, or e'en consider why the other side is
negotiating.
)isher and *ry define negotiating as +ack and forth communication where some
interests are shared and some are opposed. The purpose of negotiating is seeing if you
can get your interests met through an agreement. An interest is why you want something,
not what you want. hen negotiators begin working from the standpoint of interests,
they can begin to work with the other party to e(plore alternati'e solutions.
hat I ha'e found interesting is the number of students who find informing the other side
why they want something uncomfortable. They compare it to showing their cards.
,egotiating does not ha'e to be arguing o'er who gets the most. At its best, it is two
parties working to sol'e a problem. The problem cannot be sol'ed to e'eryone-s
satisfaction unless all parties understand it. Why the parties want something is where the
process of problem sol'ing begins.
Knowing a negotiating process is importantbut
Tip #2: Its your people skills that can make the difference
)irst, you need to know how your beha'ior impacts others.
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,e(t, understand that e'eryone has their own preferred way of communicating
and it may not be your way.
/ffecti'e negotiators are the ones that can alter their communication style to meet
the needs of the listener.
At !autacam .onsulting, we utili#e Inscape 0ublishing-s 1i2.3 product. It is designed
to describe a person-s beha'ior when their personality interacts with a selected
en'ironment, like negotiating on behalf of your company or organi#ation. *sing this
program, students identify their natural negotiating style and begin to understand how
others may 'iew them. 4ou begin to see why you may be more comfortable with one
person and less with another. It is easier to talk to people who ha'e similar styles. e
focus most of our time learning how to talk to people with less compatible styles.
The first step is to build a le'el of understanding of the four 1i2.3 1imensions of
+eha'ior attributes, and how they interact. They are:
$. ominant: 1ominant people are good at making decisions. They want to
control their en'ironment, and do so by sol'ing problems and meeting challenges.
They are 'ery direct and they are good at telling. They are self5confident but can
sometimes be percei'ed as intimidating and arrogant. 6uestioning and listening
does not come naturally to dominants. They tend to mo'e toward goals without
considering multiple solutions or outcomes. )or that reason, others often find
them impatient and uncaring. They use a bottom line approach. They are good at
stating why something will not work. As a result, they may be seen as negati'e.
To dominants, results are much more important than how people feel.
7. influence: 8ike a person who is 1ominant, influencers are good at telling but
they use a less direct method. They want to con'ince and moti'ate you, rather
than forcing you to do something. 9ather than being task focused like a
1ominant, they are focused on completing the task with people. Influencers see
the possibilities in a plan or idea, rather than the pitfalls. At their best, they can be
'iewed as 'isionaries. The influencer may 'iew the 1ominant as negati'e and
the 1ominant may 'iew the influencer as unrealistic or e'en political. +oth
want to make the decision, and are leaders. Influencers like to make fa'orable
impressions and want a relationship. They can appear to be impulsi'e and
disorgani#ed. Attention to detail is not an asset because they prefer to look at the
bigger picture. Influencers are social, and usually know a lot of people. They
want to get results, but their focus is on moti'ating people to get the results,
together.
:. Steadiness: 2teadiness people, like influencers when looking at new ideas will
see the positi'e aspects. *nlike the influencer, they do not like change e'en if it
is positi'e. They percei'e themsel'es as less powerful than their en'ironment and
feel that all will be well if e'eryone will just work harder, together, on the status
;uo. They are e(cellent listeners, and consider things before responding. 8ike
the influencer, they are focused on people. They are e(tremely dependable, solid
team players. !igh 1ominant and influence styles that negotiate with people who
are in the 2teadiness style ha'e to be careful as they like immediate responses.
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The 2teadiness style likes to think before responding. They are 'ery methodical,
and reser'ed. They are opposites of dominants and influencers.
<. !onscientious: 8ike 2teadiness, they are intro'erted and reser'ed. +ut, like the
dominant, they are task and control focused. hen negotiating, your statements
must be factual and ha'e a point. They are perfectionists. Their approach is
indirect, reser'ed, business5like, and diplomatic. *nless you can gi'e them
reasons supported by facts, they do not readily accept change. They belie'e that
if people will follow processes and procedures, many problems will be sol'ed and
change becomes unnecessary. )acts and processes are most important and people
are a secondary consideration.
An influencer, negotiating with a person who uses the conscientious style has to
ha'e accurate facts and support information. 1etail is not a strong suit for
influencers. 1ominants ha'e to ha'e patience with the conscientious style, as
dominants will want to make a decision and get on with it. A limitation of the
conscientious style is that in their #eal to get all the facts, they can appear to be
indecisi'e.
9egardless of the intensity of one or two of the attributes that an indi'idual may ha'e,
e'eryone possesses some of all of them. This is identified through the .lassic 0rofile.
This profile e(amines the intensity of each attribute in comparison to the others. The
negotiator gets a complete picture on how they tend to beha'e, and how to effecti'ely
communicate with different types of people. The .lassic 0rofile includes an e'aluation
of how your style tends to beha'e in consideration of the following:
/motions
=oals
>udging others
Influencing others
?alue to an organi#ation
Tendencies that can be o'erused
+eha'ior under pressure
)ears
!ow to increase effecti'eness
4ou may use one or more attributes less, because they feel uncomfortable. +ut to be
most effecti'e, learning how to use them when needed is important.
hen people of different styles interact, it can be negati'e. The influencer, negotiating
with a conscientious style makes a comment with a minor statistic about the ;uality of a
product. It is ;uestioned and cannot be supported. The steadiness style negotiating with
a person in the dominant category wants to consider answers to ;uestions. hile
thinking, the dominant person begins to talk again, filling the silence, pushing for an
answer or decision. An influencer, negotiating with a dominant will answer ;uestions
with a story or anecdote rather than using a shorter direct approach. All of these
seemingly small things can become huge in the midst of a negotiation.
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To ma(imi#e your efforts, not only recogni#ing the style of others, but fully
understanding your own tendencies and being fle(ible when necessary is important.
Being an effective communicator begins with being an outstanding listener
Tip #": The most po#erful negotiating skill is listening
4ou learn the interests of the other party through listening. 2ome styles are better at this
than others, but the fact is that we are typically not good listeners. "ost listen to reply,
not to understand.
To illustrate this, refer to the study that 1r. Albert "ehrabian, of *.8A, did on the ways
we communicate:
ords: @A
Tone of ?oice: :BA
+ody 8anguage: &&A
/'en good listeners are asking ;uestions and attempting to listen to the words. +ut words
only comprise @A of how we communicate. .ommunication is C:A non5'erbal. It is no
wonder that so much gets lost between the speaker-s lips and our ears. ,on5'erbal
communication is also important in determining the speaker-s style.
/ffecti'e ;uestioning is the first step toward learning the interests of the other party. In
order to be effecti'e at asking ;uestions, three things must take place:
$. Dnow where your ;uestions are going. "ost people find randomly asked
;uestions to be unner'ing and it makes them distrust you.
7. Ask the other party if it is all right with them if you ask ;uestions.
:. Then tell them what information you are seeking.
*se the three le'els of listening to get information:
$. Selective: we hear things that we belie'e are important.
7. $esponsive: this lets the other party know that you are, indeed, paying attention.
It in'ol'es 'erbal and physical feedback, nodding, or asking, Tell me more about
that.
:. %lay&ack: restating what you think you heard and asking for confirmation. It is
also good to follow up with a confirming ;uestion. An e(ample would be, !a'e
I gotten e'erything, or might there be something I missedE
As you work through issues in the negotiation, playback can also be used as a mini5
close making it more difficult for an issue to resurface later. I missed that. hen we
talked earlier, we agreed on this. hat did I missE 1o we need to talk about this more so
I can better understand its importance to youE
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/ffecti'e ;uestioning and listening can pro'ide solutions to the problem. +y getting the
other party to talk, and listening to their responses, a positi'e message is sent. This
greatly increases trust and keeps tension low. 0eople will do business with you because
you are percei'ed as:
Trustworthy
An ade;uate problem sol'er
Adding 'alue to the relationship
/ffecti'ely seeking information through ;uestioning and listening will help de'elop these
perceptions.
Tip #': evelop a plan &efore &eginning to negotiate
hen I ask in training sessions, I find that few people do any in5depth planning before
negotiating. I am not referring to determining how much will be spent, how long to
complete a project, or what their walk5away number might be. I am talking about
detailed planning, which in'ol'es trying to determine what the other side may want, and
why.
4our plan should include the following:
Try to determine the negotiating style of the other party (iS!) styleF. This
helps you think through how best to communicate and then go through the
process of confirming if you were correct. If you do not know the other party at
all, you will ha'e to make educated guesses and adjust as you go.
*hat are our+my interests, This is not what you want, but why. "ake sure that
you e(amine all of your interests as there may be more than one.
*hat are the interests of the other side, A major part of the negotiation
process is determining the other side-s interests. This goes back to )isher and
*ry-s definition of negotiationsGwhere some interests are shared and some are
opposed. Hpposing interests are what you negotiate.
*hat do I have that I can trade that is lo# value to me and of high value to
the other side, In the gi'e and take phase of the negotiation process, ha'ing
considered these options ahead of time can make this less stressful. 8ess effecti'e
negotiators will not ha'e considered this, and will want to go through a series of
positional compromises.
*hat are three options I can use to move the negotiation from compromising
to -oint pro&lem solving, These can all begin with, hat if we triedGE, or
hat if we did thisGE
*hat is the very least that is accepta&le,
4ou must determine:
$. hat do we aspire toE
7. hat will we be content withE
:. hat can we li'e withE
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*hat is my .est /lternative to a Negotiated /greement, (./TN/0
This is a key concept. 4ou do not want to accept an outcome that is worse that
what you may ha'e done otherwise.
4our +AT,A is what you can or will do if an agreement cannot be reached.
hat you can li'e with in 2tep I has to be better than your +AT,A. Htherwise,
why negotiateE
Ask yourself what they other side-s +AT,A may be. hy are they talking to
youE hat is pre'enting them from doing it with someone else, or on their ownE
1ore on planning:
In the fall of 7%%<, ,egotiator "aga#ine did a reader poll. Hne of the ;uestions
asked had to do with planning and it was reported that as much as <%A of the time
spent negotiating is internal. 2ometimes, the most difficult part of planning and
negotiating can be with your own team.
If thought through in ad'ance, you can compare where you are in the negotiation
to your plan. 4ou are also less likely to agree to an unacceptable outcome. If you
find yourself getting lost in comparison to your plan, you can caucus, take a time
out, and rethink where you are.
Tip #2: The Top 13 4actors for Successful Negotiating
A colleague, Tony ,agle of A.=. ,agle .ompany, Inc., shared this list with me:
$. 5no# #hat you #ant: The clearer you are on your interests and goals,
the better your chance of success.
7. 5no# the other side: 8earn as much as you can about the people with
whom you will be negotiating. Dnow their negotiating style J1i2.3F,
their backgrounds, hopes, fears, aspirations, and their interests. 8ittle
things do not mean a lot, they can mean e'erything.
:. !onsider the timing and method of negotiations: .hange the game to
win5win problem sol'ing by negotiating from interests, not positions.
<. %repare point &y point: ,egotiators who prepare outperform those that
do not.
&. 6ffer &enefits for accepting your offer: 4ou are much more likely to
close if you offer the benefitGthe what-s in it for themE test.
I. 4rame your negotiation around one or t#o key points: Deep it as
simple as possible by framing and reframing to keep things on track and
reach agreements more efficiently.
@. 5no# your ./TN/: 4our personal power comes from the ability to walk
away if you are not able to reach an agreement. /ffecti'e negotiators not
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only know when to walk away, but how to walk away lea'ing the
relationship intact.
B. %repare options for mutual gain: +e creati'e. )ind inno'ati'e ways for
both sides to get their interests met. hat if we tried thisE
C. 7istening is the most po#erful negotiation skill: It will help you learn
where your interests are shared with the other side, where they are
opposed, and get a satisfactory outcome.
$%. 8se the po#er of the draft: Always put your agreements in writing.
.hanging the way you think about negotiating Jjoint problem sol'ing 'ersus a series of
compromises where one party may win and one may loseF is the first step toward better results.
9ecogni#ing the reasons why people act the way they do, and ha'ing the ability to communicate
to a broad range of beha'ioral styles gi'es the negotiator the ability to be reach satisfactory
outcomes more consistently. )ollowing a process or strategy is fine, but understanding the styles
of the people with whom you are negotiating, and altering your approach to communicate more
effecti'ely can be the key to success. 8ast, de'eloping a plan in ad'ance of the actual negotiation
will gi'e the negotiator more confidence, and lead to better and more consistent results.
David A. Wachtel is the president of Hautacam Consulting, Inc., an Indianapolis based
organization that provides training and coaching in negotiations, sales, change
management, communicationconflict resolution, and management development. His
e!perience includes a "# year career in the insurance industry covering both the sales
and underwritingris$ management functions from both the perspective of the company
and the agent. %r. Wachtel is a graduate of &utler 'niversity and holds the Associate in
'nderwriting designation. David Wachtel may be reached through his web site at
www.hautacamconsulting.com.
.opyright 3 7%%<, 1a'id achtel
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