Santiago

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa

1
, Santiago chanted. He was a fourteen
year old boy, sweating profusely in the Mexican desert. This was because he was
decked out in full altar boy regalia. His starchy cassock stuck to the back of his
neck, which was doused in sweat.

He was the youngest of 6 brothers; and since no other brother had volunteered for
the priesthood, the vocation fell onto him. It was a matter of village honor that
every family produces at least one priest.

Come Santiago, those candles arent going to light themselves, said Father
Rogelio. Mass had ended but Santiago still had to light the legion of candles in the
sanctuary. Now tomorrow is the day! The priests from the seminary will be
coming to pick you up, my son. You must be very excited.

Yes sir, replied a very nervous Santiago. He was enrolled in a program that
combined secondary school with seminary. It was wildly popular with families in
the deserts villages who were looking for a place to dump their excess youth.

The next day, Santiago was at the small adobe church at dawn; the seminarians
had just arrived. He was eager to meet them; his whole life had been spent in

1
Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault.
preparation for this moment. He slowly pulled on the large wooden front door. As
he walked in he was greeted by a large man, Hey there boy! You know where they
keep the rest of the sacrificial wine?
In the sacristy, by the altar cloths, answered Santiago. But you shouldnt need
any; there is no mass scheduled for today, sir.

God helps those who help themselves, my boy, said the fat priest as he stormed
into the sacristy.

Easy on that stuff, Herman. We have a long day on the road ahead of us, said a
tall man with an authoritative stare. He placed his stare on Santiago. Ah you must
be the boy, pity its only one. We used to get so many recruits from this village. He
beckoned Santiago to come closer and started to inspect the boy. Well, well, well.
Look at you, you are gonna make a fine priest, a very fine priest.

Were outta wine, lets get outta here, slurred father Herman.

Alright, take some cash from the lockbox and lets go, said the tall priest. Oh
how rude of me, allow me to introduce myself, I am father Oscar. And, this
drunkard is father Herman. Santiago nodded his head in respectful
acknowledgement. Well, I guess that makes you Santiago De la Vega. Hurry now
Santitos, we got a long six hour drive to Ciudad Victoria ahead of us.

The men and the boy walked to the nearby bus stop where they piled into a large
bus with no more than five other riders. Father Herman was seated at the front of
the bus where he was chatting with the driver while taking sips from a bottle of
cheap cerveza wrapped in a brown paper bag.

Santiago took a seat in the back near the bathroom. He wanted his own row so
that he could stretch out and nap during the trip. He was the only one in that
section of the bus, so it would be nice and quiet for his nap. While he was sleeping,
father Oscar woke him by placing his hand on Santiagos knee.

Wake up my little priest! said father Oscar. We are coming up to a rest stop for
lunch. I was hoping you would join me.

The bus pulled into a sleepy rest stop with a tiny taco trailer. Santiago and Father
Oscar stepped outside. Lets go wash up before lunch, suggested Father Oscar.

The two entered the dingy bathroom. Santiago noticed that the room was dark and
the smell of urine permeated the air.

Santiago, could you come here for a moment, beckoned Father Oscar.

A confused Santiago approached the stall occupied by the priest. He felt
uncomfortable but did not want to make a bad first impression in front of a
representative of the seminary.

Yes, father. Is everything ok?

Yes, yes, my boy. I am fine. Its just that...

Santiago quickly stopped listening to Father Oscars voice. This was because Father
Oscar was standing with his penis clearly exposed. A shocked Santiago could not
believe that the priest was attempting to carry on a conversation in such a state.
Nervous and embarrassed, Santiago quickly turned around to exit the stall. He was
grabbed from behind by the much stronger Father Oscar. Santiago was stunned.
He couldnt make a noise. Father Oscar had thrown Santiago to the ground. His
face was nearly in the toilets putrid water when he felt his pants being undone.

Suddenly, there was a loud crack and the sound of broken glass. Get back on the
bus! screamed Father Herman. He had just clocked Father Oscar over the head
with his cheap cerveza bottle. Santiago did not have to be told twice; he darted
into the bus.

Father Herman soon followed. He shouted at the bus driver to take off. The
confused driver put the bus in gear and left the rest stop. As they drove away,
Santiago could see a pale figure in a black cassock yelling in the distance.

Santiago was distraught. All his life he had been told to trust priests, they were
after all men of God. He began to cry tears of anger. It was a trait he inherited from
his mother. He hated the fact that when he was the most angry he appeared the
most vulnerable.

You ok little guy? asked Father Herman.

Santiago remained quiet and did not look in the direction of the priest. He quickly
turned his head to hide the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.

Here, take a swig of this, said Father Herman as he handed Santiago a small
bottle of tequila. I know what you are thinking unfortunately I was in the same
boat at your age. You are going to a place, the seminary, where that sort of thing is
going to happen. Its a dirty little secret of the diocese. One that no one cares to
talk about.

You mean, that happens at the seminary?! I thought priests were supposed to be
above that kind of temptation.

Santiago, there is something you need to know. Priests are just regular people,
sometimes they are worse than regular people. Just because we wear funny clothes
and mutter strange incantations, does not mean we are without sin. As you saw,
even the most base desires can be found in holy men.

I spent my entire life not thinking about sex, striving to stay pure. I wouldnt even
look at girls. And for what!? To remain chaste just so some sick bastard can take
my virginity in a bathroom!

Thats what I want to talk to you about. If you are like most boys, you had this
whole priesthood thing forced on you. Look, the seminary is no place for someone
like you; you will be targeted by people you think you can trust. If I were you, I
would think long and hard about enrolling.

Well what else am I supposed to do? sniffled Santiago.

Live! Fall in love! Get drunk! Have sex with a consenting adult! By God man,
there is more to this world than just being a priest. said Father Herman in
between sips of tequila.

My family expects great things from me. I cant be selfish and commit sins like
that.

Listen, what Father Oscar tried to do to you in that bathroom, now that was a sin.
Experiencing life, making love, making merry with drink, these are virtues. As for
your family, they will understand. All you have to do is buy them off.

What!? But I have no money, no job, nothing!

Here, take this, said Father Herman as he handed over the cash he had taken
from the village church. Take the next bus to Juarez, from there, find a decent
coyote and get your ass to America. You know they pay $7.25 an hour over there!
You just send some of that money to your family and they will understand. You
will be as good as a saint to them.

Santiago was confused. All his life he was built for becoming a priest, for not
thinking about himself. Now, he was being urged to pursue his own destiny. A
destiny he never dreamed of. He was terrified, but excited.

At the next stop, Santiago bid Father Oscar goodbye. He was given the phone
number of a prominent coyote and was told to go with God. Santiago embraced
the fat priest and went on his way.

As time passed, Santiago was able to scrape a decent living together. He had
hitchhiked his way from El Paso to Victoria. He worked odd jobs along the way. He
washed dishes at Chinese buffets, mowed lawns, and even picked strawberries in a
place called Poteet.

His family was disappointed at his decision not to enroll in the seminary, but their
attitudes changed once the money started coming in the mail. Santiagos family
soon had luxuries that were unheard of in the village. There was a toilet with
running water, a big screen TV, and a large herd of goats. Over time they had
become one of the richest families in the entire village. They often bragged about
Santiago to anyone who would listen.

One day, Santiago found his true vocation, gentlemens clubs. He had spent his life
confused and frustrated when it came to his sexuality. Now liberated from his
staunch Catholic upbringing, he was eager to experience the pleasures of the flesh
first hand.

A man he met while bussing tables in a place called Victoria took him to a strip
club for the first time. Santiago was overwhelmed to say the least. Here were all of
these beautiful womennaked. Not only that, but they were actually giving him
attention. He knew it was all an act but he didnt care. The emotions and physical
stimulation he received were real enough for him.

Soon, he was spending all of his off time at the strip club. He never paid for
dances, as he was quick to send any disposable income to his family in Mexico, but
he would enjoy sitting back and watching the dancers perform on the stage. He
was a regular for several weeks, then, he hit the lotto. A man named Tom was
screaming at some guy for selling bars to the dancers. Tom kicked this drug dealer
out and threatened to call the police. This made Santiago nervous, as his
immigration status was not what you would call legal.

Santiago overheard Tom talking out loud to himself. Why is every bar back I hire
either a damned thief or a dealer!?

Santiago saw an opportunity and he took it. Excuse me sir but I believe I can be of
service. My name is Santiago and I can be the best bar back youve ever seen.

A desperate Tom hired him on the spot. He had gotten to know Santiago during
the summer when the two would watch world cup games together before the
customers demanded that they change the channel to American sports.

Santiago found himself getting paid to be in the Garden of Eden. He couldnt be
happier and often thanked God for his luck.