A Very Harry Christmas!

He had just escaped the cold night air by getting into his warm bed, the fire bu
rning fiercely by the side of his bed. Today had been a hard day, Horcruxes had
been destroyed and a little blood had been shed, but this didn't compare to the
bitter cold that had engulfed London. Harry was close to giving up, a depression
had gripped him so strong that even going through the motions of everyday life
was hard. He wished that this would all end soon, even if it ended in his death
he wouldn't have to lose more of those he cared about. He was so tired and could
barely keep his eyes open when a knocking came from his bedroom door
`Who is it?...' there was no response, a few others where living in the house an
d he hoped beyond hope it wasn't Dobby with another surprise present, all that t
urned out to be rather foul `Come in!'
The door was pushed open and in came a familiar, but totally unexpected, visitor
.
`Dumbledore!' Harry exclaimed in shock jumping up from his bed. He looked no dif
ferent from the last time he saw him. Scratch that, Harry thought, the last time
he had seen him he was lying dead on the floor after having fallen 50 foot from
the astronomy tower, now he looked positively brilliant compared to that bloody
pulp.
`Yep, Harry, it's me. Although being dead as I am, you may call me Albus' He sai
d, the same glitter or excitement still shining in his eyes. This was way too mu
ch for Harry to take, being visited on Christmas Eve by his dead ex headmaster.
Harry sighed, for him this wasn't actually too weird.
`So, Albus, is there a reason you've come tonight?' Harry asked standing up to l
ook better at the old, dead, man before him.
`Of course, Harry. Tonight you will be visited by 3 ghosts well 2 others includin
g me, to show you the past, the present' Albus spoke politely, similar to his spe
ech to the school every year, Harry though knew where this was going and had int
errupted him.
`And the futureDickens anyone? highly original!' Harry said exasperated, this was
way beyond a joke, a thought hit Harry making him slightly angry `Wait! I'm scr
ooge in this story, aren't I? Oh, that's too rich!' Harry was rather insulted be
ing described as the joy hating evil Scrooge, for god sake he was Harry Potter,
supposedly the hero of this story. Albus looked a little uneasy and went to look
ing around the room awkwardly.
`WellKinda' He stammered embarrassedly `But it's a good part, main character and a
ll?' He added hopefully. Harry gave up, like he had been a lot this year, and de
cided he'd just go along with this.
`Fine, Albus, so I'm guessing you're the ghost of Christmas past?' Harry asked,
it didn't look like there was anyway out as he remembered how Scrooge had fought
against it and failed. Albus smiled at this change in Harry and carried on talk
ing in his speech style way.
`O.k., we'll be leaving soon, and we shall go to thePAST!' he said dramatically.
`I already guessed that! No need for the dramatics' Harry said, he may play along
but not to make himself look like a fool. Dumbledore noticed and looked embarra
ssed again, obviously death had taught him a modesty he hadn't had in life.
`Fine, if you're not going to play along, we'll just go now!' He said a little h
urt whipping out his wand, and with it the room went bright, blinding Harry, it
took a few moments for it to die away and for him to be able to see again, and w
hat he saw was beyond belief!
`You've brought me here?' Harry said shocked, something definitely had to be wro
ng and as he looked at Dumbledore he noticed he was a little confused as well.
`Wellumto be honest Harry I don't exactly know where we were going, I thought it'd
be you're parents houseor something' Dumbledore said apologetically.
`What the hell am I suppose to learn from seeing Voldemort at Christmas?' Harry
said repulsively looking at Voldemort setting a table for six, whistling `Rudolp
h the red nosed reindeer' to himself rather cheerily. Harry decided to give up a
nd just let this all unfold, he looked at Voldemort and realized he must have be
en about 20ish as he still looked handsome and human. The sight of this man gave
Harry the chills as he thought about what he'd become. Harry walked around the
room and looked at Tom Riddle's house, it was a cheery place with photos over mo
st of the walls. Harry paused at one and saw a smiling and happy Tom Riddle with
his arms around a girl, the two looked very much in love and happy. Harry blink
ed and shook his head, what the hell was going on with this. The door rang and H
arry saw a big smile fill Tom's face as he bounded to the door answering it as q
uickly as possible.
`Hey honey!' he said cheerily pulling the girl who was at the door into a big hu
g. Harry couldn't help but notice how she quickly removed herself from the hug a
nd walked into the room. Harry was actually quite interested now, disharmony wit
h his girlfriend, it was like a teen drama.
`Tom we need to talk' she said sharply, looking at him a little fiercely. Tom loo
ked worried.
`Sure, sweetie, what about?' he said softly and a little worried.
`I was talking to some people and they seemed to have the impression you're a da
rk lord, and hate all muggles' and muggle borns!' she said rather nastily, looki
ng at him strictly waiting for an answer, Tom though looked offended and rather
upset.
`What the hell are you talking about?' he said angrily, showing his bad side for
the first time. She though didn't seem to be scared at all, just giving him a b
lazing look instead.
`I was talking to Bellatrix' She started but Tom interrupted.
`That stalker!' Tom said furiously `you know she's in love with me! Just because
I'm Salazar Slytherins heir doesn't make me a bad guy! She made it up to make y
ou hate me!'
`WellI don't know what to say' She said, but Harry could tell that she didn't bel
ieve him `I'm sorry Tom, you know I love youbut I think we need time apartso I can
think straight' she said and walked towards the door, tears evident in Toms eyes
as he watched her leave.
Suddenly the room went bright again and the next moment Harry could see he was b
ack in his room, a troubled expression on Dumbledore's face.
`What the hell was that?' Harry demanded, Dumbledore looking away awkwardly, try
ing to avoid Harry's question `Am I suppose to feel bad for him because he got d
umped by a girl? That he decided to become the monster he is today because his h
eart was broken?' Harry was now shouting a bit, as he found himself feeling slig
htly sorry for him.
`I think that it was to show you that there is good in everything, even somethin
g as evil as Lord Voldemort' Dumbledore said gently as it was Harry's turn to lo
ok away awkwardly. A tapping came from the door before Albus spoke again `Well,
that's my go up, beeninterestingcatch you soon Harry'
`What the hell does that mean? Catch me soon? Are you saying I'm going to die!'
Harry shouted in haste causing Dumbledore to look in shock.
`Just a figure of speech Harry, promise' and with this he disappeared and a new
person walked through the door.
`Oh, what a surprise that you're the next ghost!' Harry said overly sarcastic `A
nd everything tonight has been so original! So how are you Sirius?' Sirius let o
ut his bark like laugh before speaking.
`Good, and I know you've had better days' Sirius said laughing walking towards H
arry and pulling him into a hug, Harry allowed him to but sighed, sometimes peop
le could be so over the top.
`So, beloved godfather, where we off to? Draco Malfoys' house for tea? Or maybe
Snapes' for some sandwiches?'
Sirius chuckled again before speaking `A little angry are we, beloved Godson? As
you just found out I don't know where we're going, but I for one hope you're gu
esses are wrong, or I will spend a lot of effort trying to hex them to kingdom c
ome' he said laughing, Harry was glad Sirius had shown up, he was a lot more fun
than Dumbledore, and a little less mad. `Ok, were off!' and with a wave of his
wand the room went bright again and Harry found himself in a new room.
`That is so lame!' Harry snorted, Sirius even looked embarrassed at this patheti
c trip `We've gone downstairs from my room!' They were now in the living room of
Grimmauld, approximately a thirty second walk from Harry's bedroom they had jus
t disappeared from.
`That is kinda lame' Sirius said confused, looking around wildly for a point to
this trip but giving up when Hermione and Ginny walked into the room `I guess we
'll just see what happens? That Hermione is looking dam Hot!' Sirius said starin
g at Hermione as she walked across the room.
`Sirius!' Harry said indignantly
`Harry, I know you may find this surprising but age isn't such a problem when yo
u're dead!' Sirius said laughing at Harry's indignation.
`I can't believe you, Hermione!' Ginny said offended storming after Hermione who
seemed a little bored with the argument, telling Harry that it had been going o
n for a while already.
`I haven't done anything, please quit' she said exasperated, Ginny though obvious
ly didn't find this the right answer still scowling at her, Hermione sighed and
spoke again `So what if I bought Harry a nice present? Is that against the law?
He's my best friend!'
`But that's not all you want! I've seen you staring at him all the time!' Ginny
was by this time practically shouting at Hermione who was blushing slightly but
looked ready for trouble.
`Ginny, listen carefully for I'm only going to say this once' Hermione started d
angerously making Ginny cower slightly `even in an ultra hypothetical world wher
e I was in love with Harry, you two wouldn't be together, and me and him would s
till be friends! Even in the most twisted of worlds the two of you would not be
together, and I would still be his best friend! Ok!' Ginny had now taken several
steps back and Harry was left staring at Hermione. Then room suddenly went brig
ht and Harry found himself upstairs once again in his room. Harry was in shock a
nd had to sit down on his bed, Sirius was in silent thought as well.
`Now, that was weird' Harry said softly, thoughts swimming through his head. Siri
us looked at him evidently trying to hold back what he was thinking `Spill it Si
rius'
`Well, it's really you who picks where we go, and I can only see one reason for
viewing the scene we just saw' Sirius spoke fatherly to him, Harry had been think
ing the same thing. Could he really have feelings for the girl downstairs and ne
ver have realized it? `I can't knock you're taste, Harry. The girl is seriously
cute. Can I tell you something, but you have to promise you won't get mad?' Siri
us spoke the last bit cautiously.
`Go on then, being mad at a dead man would be unfair of me' Harry said hoping tha
t what would come would help him in some way.
`Well, you know the whole order really just revolves around you' Sirius started `
Well, that can get very boring at times, so we kind of had a bet on who you'd en
d up withyou know for a bit of fun' Sirius said all this quickly as Harry stared a
t him in shock.
`Uhwhat?' Harry stammered out.
`A bet, I had you down for Cho myself, but then again I died in the fifth year s
o I can forgive myself for that mistake. Mad Eye had Ginny as his pick Lupin thou
gh was the only one to pick HermioneI must admit I laughed at that!' Sirius said
proudly.
`Youyou bet on my love life?' Harry was angered at this `I bet you even got Tom `
teen drama' Riddle involved didn't you?' Harry laughed at his, he couldn't think
of Voldemort without seeing that boy who was in love and hurt by his girlfriend
.
`Nah, decided against that, we knew he would of probably have picked no one, see
ing as he planned on killing you. So Dumbledore put him down for 5 galleons on t
hat. Albus said he'd ask for it back next time he saw him' Sirius stated serious
ly like this wasn't weird behavior at all.
`That is so weird, Sirius, honestly really disturbing!' Harry said seriously fea
ring for Sirius state of mind, he just shrugged and mumbled something about havi
ng too much spare time. This night is just getting weirder and weirder. Harry he
ard a tapping from the door and Sirius looked sadly at Harry.
`My times upI've gotta go.' Sirius said and got his wand out `Wish I could find o
ut who the third was though, they had trouble finding someone for it' and with a
bright flash of light he disappeared, and the door was opened.
`Ho Ho Ho, Harry!' came the mans voice, Harry jumped at his appearance and rubbe
d his eyes unbelieving at who was stood in front of him.
`You're Santa Claus!' Harry said in shock at the man standing before him.
`You're right, Harry' and with this he pulled out a parcel from his sack and gav
e it to him `Santa gives you a present, for being a good boy this year! HO HO HO
'
`This is probably the cheesiest idea ever!' Harry exclaimed happily `But heck if
I'm going to moan! I've wanted to meet you ever since I can remember! And the p
roblem of you not being real has always got in the way' Harry couldn't remember
ever being as happy as he was now and he threw his arms around the jolly fat man
in front of him. After a few moments of blissful joy Harry pulled away from him
and looked at him `So are we getting a move on then? I know you have a lot to d
o tonight'
`You have no idea!' Santa said sighing `in the old days so many people were bad,
that Santa didn't have all that much to do. Now though there are six billion pe
ople in the world, and with gays and all races being declared equal, it means a
lot more delivering for Santa. And they all want playstation and 42 televisions,
that's a lot of work to do, and the elves now have a very good union and want at
least 6 pounds an hour! Being Santa in a thriving capitalist society is no picn
ic, now Santa can't travel without the proper documentation, Santa's had guns po
inted at Santa twice as they thought Santa carrying a big sack meant Santa was a
terrorist' Santa said a little miserably before turning cheerful again `We're g
oing, Ho Ho Ho!' with every `ho' the lights got brighter till he couldn't see an
d found himself in another room.
The room Harry found himself in was dirty and had the horrible smell of damp was
lingering in the air, looking around he couldn't help but have all the joy sapp
ed from him, like he was in the presence of a Dementor.
`What is this place?' Harry said turning to Santa who was looking decidedly ill
at the moment.
`How the hell would Santa know that? Santa doesn't know jack!' he said a little
meanly throwing Harry a dirty look.
`Fine, and stop referring to yourself in the third person!' Harry said angrily,
he had always wanted to meet Santa and now he was being a jerk!
`What!' he roared `Santa has been talking like this for centuries and no one has
ever complained to Santa before!' Harry could tell that he had hit a nerve, so
he looked away bashfully from the fat, rather pissed, man standing before him. H
arry looked around and jumped at what he noticed, a man sitting in the corner wh
o was just as filthy as the room. The door to the room opened and an older woman
walked into the room causing the man to look around, showing his face to Harry.
What Harry saw nearly made him scream with panic, he was looking into the face
of himself as an old man, dirty and smelly and looking as miserable as ever. Har
ry heard chuckling from Santa and heard him mumble `that's what happens to you f
or laughing at Santa'.
`Oh, you came' the old Harry said miserably to the woman who Harry hadn't even lo
oked at yet `How are you, Hermione?' Harry spun around to look at the woman. She
must have been about 60 odd by the grey hair and wrinkles Harry could see, but
she looked a lot healthier and happier than the old, disgusting, Harry. She look
ed beautiful, for an older woman anyway.
`Of course, Harry. I come nearly everyday, and like I'd miss Christmas!' she sai
d friendly going over and giving him a hug. Obviously she was still brave as Har
ry wouldn't have hugged the old man, and he was him.
`Hermione, where did things go wrong?' he asked, Harry could tell that he often
asked this.
`Things aren't wrong, Harry. You just haven't let anyone get close to you since
the final battle. That's not necessary a bad thing' Harry could tell it was a bad
thing though just by looking at what his life was to become `I'm still here for
you' and the lights shone bright and Harry reappeared back in his room.
`Thanks a lot, Santa!' Harry said bitterly, he really wished he hadn't seen that
`what good does it make that I know this is going to happen?'
`Santa corrects you, it may happen!' Santa said, Harry spun around and looked at
him hopefully.
`What do you mean by it may happen?' he asked earnestly, hoping for the right an
swer.
`Well, that is what will happen if you carry on the way you are goingbut you can
change yourself and thus your future!' Santa told him cheerfully `Now SanI must b
e going, bye Harry' and with a crack Santa disappeared leaving Harry in the room
all alone, thoughts rushing through his mind. He knew what he had to do, what h
e wanted to do, and was trying to build up the courage. He left the room and wal
ked around the house, trying to do what he wanted to do. He paused outside a doo
r and pushed it open. He saw Hermione lying on her bed reading a book jump up an
d stand before him. He walked towards her, looking at the beautiful woman he had
always known but had never really seen.
`Harrywhat are you doing here, it's' Hermione started but Harry had reached her an
d pushed his lips to hers to stop her from talking. An explosion fired through h
is body, like every inch of his skin was on fire as he ran his lips over hers, h
is tongue pushing between her lips for the most important kiss that would ever h
appen in his life. He slowly pulled away from her and looked into her eyes, paus
ing for a moment to look at the woman he loved before speaking.
`Hermione, listen to me and believe the words I say when I tell you that I love
youI always have. You've always been there for me and I've always loved you as a
friend, but now I love you with such a burning passion that I know you're who I'
m destined to spend the rest of my life with, to grow old with and hold in my ar
ms for all my lifeI love you Hermione Granger' She looked at him in surprise as te
ars started to fall freely from her eyes.
`I love you too, Harry Potter, you don't know how long I've been waiting, wishin
g, that I'd one day hear you tell me those words. I love you with all my heart!'
and with this she through her lips onto his, pushing against his with such desp
eration to feel this new found love that Harry was pushed back against the wall.
She pushed her tongue into his mouth, his need for her was exploding through hi
s mind and body, and he knew that he would feel this way forever. He broke the k
iss for a moment and looked into her eyes, every bit of will power he had was be
ing used to stop himself from kissing her until the end of time.
`Hermione, I love youI just have to do one thing before I kiss you for all eterni
ty, it'll only take one minute and I'll be back to hold you in my arms forever'
Harry had spoken these words honestly and Hermione had just nodded and watched a
s Harry left the room. He made his way to the owlery, he needed to send two lett
ers. He wrote the first and re read it before sending it with the house owl of G
rimmard Place. He did not want to risk Hedwig. It read
Dear Tom,
I suspect that you won't be expecting this letter, but I wish to meet. No battle
s or threats of death, a one on one conversation for a change. I know you were o
nce in love, that it was that that made you what you are, and I know you still h
ave good in you. I know you can save yourself, and maybe the girl you still see
when you close you're eyes. I invite you for Christmas dinner, a chance to make
up for the one you missed all those years back.
Harry
Harry wrote the next one and sent it straight away.
Dear Lupin,
You won the bet. I love Hermione Grangersee you at dinner!
Harry
***___()___***
=============================================================
A Very Voldie Christmas!
The room was well below zero, the frost from outside was creeping through the op
en window as he walked back and forth across the room, waiting for his plan to c
ome to fruition. This Christmas Eve was so cold that even he, The Dark Lord Vold
emort, was freezing, but he wasn't allowed to show weakness, especially to somet
hing as small as the weather. He pointed his wand at the empty hearth and brough
t it to live with an eruption of fire, making his hand feel like they were in fi
re with the sudden change in temperature. He eyed the door for a moment, hoping
they would be back soon to give him their report, this Christmas offensive was s
tarting to take its toll on him. Now he was just looking at the death toll and n
odding if it was high enough. Christmas always brought out the worse in him, he
shuddered to repress a memory from forming on his mind. Suddenly there was a kno
ck on the door, thank god their back he thought.
`Come in' he ordered in his best `scary dark lord' voice, and the door was slowl
y opened. As he saw who it was he lifted his wand and screamed `AVADA KEDAVRA!'
but he was shocked when the curse just went through the man and he was left ther
e, still smiling.
`That's no way to treat a guest, Tom' came the mans soft playful voice as he wal
ked towards him, no wand raised in order for defence.
`This is impossible! You're dead, Dumbledore!' Voldemort screeched at him in dis
gust, this was definitely weird! There was no way Dumbledore would have become a
ghost, so what the hell was he doing here?
`Evidently it's not impossible!' Dumbledore said joking before carrying on `I'm
a visitor from the afterlife! Tonight you will be having 3 visitors including my
self, and they will show you the past, the present' Voldemort was rapt with atten
tion looking at Dumbledore, who seemed pleased with how his dramatics was workin
g `And the FUTURE!' Voldemorts eyes were wide with shock as he stared at his old
mentor.
`The future? Like a Prophecy?' Voldemort said, his eyes burning with a crazy obs
ession.
`WellI guess that's one way to look at itkinda like a prophecy' Dumbledore said aw
kwardly while watching Voldemort run around the world grabbing a penseive, pen a
nd many other recording devisees mumbling something about `not missing this one'
. `so, how are you Tom?' Dumbledore tried to ask as Voldemort was still collecti
on things manically.
`Ah, you knowbeen better' Voldemort answered absently `Nagini hates the cold and
won't stop moaning' He said surprisingly friendly. When he was finished he was st
ood in front of Dumbledore with a huge sack looking at him like a 5 year old awa
iting to open his present, `So, we ready?' he asked excitedly.
`I'm sorry Tom, but you won't be able to take them things with you' he stated po
litely, Voldemort however was pissed!
`You let me do that on purpose, didn't you!' He bellowed while Dumbledore only s
miled `It's just like before, that's why I hate you so much!' Dumbledore was sho
cked and had to take a moment before speaking.
`What do you mean, it's just like before?' he asked nicely, Voldemort however wa
s fuming and it was obvious he'd tell the answer, if only in anger.
`The first day of 7th year! Don't tell me you don't remember because you do! I s
pent ages arranging the room to sit next to Emma and you come in and tell us you
had set the tables for the year! I got put next to Bellatrix! Emma wasn't pleas
ed at all, that's why I hate you so much, you have no respect for others!' he sa
id quickly but by the end was a little less angry and threw his sack down and ca
rried on `Ok then, lets get going!' and he huffed and turned around to not face
Dumbledore. The light went bright and Voldemort found him in a room he recognize
d, it was snowy and a bit like a log cabin.
`Why have we come here?' Voldemort asked confused, he couldn't work out what thi
s would have to do with him killing Harry Potter.
`You choose the place, Tom, have patience. Being dead yourself for so long must
have taught you some' Dumbledore said teasingly.
`Oh, very funny!' Voldemort said sarcastically, looking around the room he saw t
he door open and in walk a much younger version of himself. `I was one good-look
ing Mofo, wasn't I' he said appreciating his young handsome self. He must have b
een in his very early 20s, he couldn't remember exactly.
`HO HO HO' came a voice as a big fat jolly old man walked through the door to jo
in the young Voldemort in the room. `So you've came to see Santa, Tom?' Santa as
ked.
`Yes, I have, to ask a favor from someone as powerful as yourself' Tom asked soft
ly looking adoringly at Santa in front of him. The real Voldemort started to fee
l uncomfortable, knowing what favor it was he needed.
`But Santa knows what a bad boy you've been, Tom!' Santa said cheerily `Is the f
avor you ask of Santa a lump of coal? Because Santa could help you out with that
! HO HO HO' Santa laughed happily to himself. Tom looked thoroughly pissed at th
is joke and took a step closer.
`No, the favor isn't a lump of coal!' Tom said sarcastically `I need the perfect
present to win back the woman I loveplease?' he asked nicely, Santa though just
looked at him in shock. Voldemort cringed at his request, he couldn't remember e
ver being such a big girl.
`Santa can't believe that you would ask Santa for such a pussy favor!' Santa sai
d laughing. Tom looked furious but was holding it back.
`So is that a yes or a no?' Tom asked.
`Santa gives you a hell no!' Santa said laughing, now the anger in Toms face was
released, Voldemort was shocked to see how much uglier he became with rage and
made a mental note to keep it a bit better hidden in future.
`You dam old fool! You remind me exactly of Albus freaking Dumbledore!' Tom prac
tically bellowed, while Santa looked curious.
`The man with the great beard?' Santa asked, not helping Tom's mood at all.
`The man with a freaking awful beard!' Tom bellowed, Voldemort looked at Dumbled
ore and mouthed `sorry' in a cringeful way, he hated when people found out what
he said behind their backs, `both of you just go out of you're way too piss me o
ff!'
`Stop shouting at Santa!' Santa shouted back in anger.
`Stop talking in third bloody person, you freak!' Tom said as Santa's face dropp
ed in shock, `If you ever talk in third person again I promise I'll Avada Kedavr
a you straight to hell where you can spend all you're time with all the other so
cial retards!' Tom screamed in anger as Santa's face reddened and reddened.
`Santa will kill you!' he screamed as he sprung at tom, he barely had time to wh
ip out his wand and scream
`Avada Kedavra!' and as he shouted the words a green light hit Santa and he fell
lifeless to the floor. Tom stood there for a moment in shock, Voldemort could j
ust see tears falling down his younger versions cheeks as the light took away hi
s vision and the next moment he was back in his freezing cold room.
Thoughts were rushing through Voldemorts mind, why did he kill Santa being the m
ain one. How the hell do you apply for the job of Santa being the other thought.
`So you killed Santa!' Dumbledore said in disgust `I mean that is a touch harsh,
even for you!' Voldemort had to agree with that, killing children seemed tame c
ompared to murdering Santa, Voldemort did have some feelings after all.
`It was an accident' Voldemort mumbled under his breath, Dumbledore looked angry
at this.
`What part was the accident? Insulting him? Raising your wand? Shouting Avada Ke
davra?' Dumbledore said in shock, but his face reddened as he became angrier til
l he shouted the next words `OR INSULTING MY BEARD!' Voldemort had never seen Du
mbledore so pissed.
`I said I was sorry' Voldemort tried to explain, he was feeling a bit bad about i
t all as he had to admit it was a pretty nice beard, as far as beards went anywa
y. Suddenly Voldemort heard a knocking at the door and Dumbledore spoke up at he
aring it.
`That's you're next ghost' he said testily, obviously still angry about the bear
d jibe `I'm off'
`Bye Dumbledore, we should have done this before' Voldemort said honestly, Dumbl
edore just smiled sarcastically but before he disappeared he heard him say the w
ord `twat'. The door was instantly pushed open and Voldemort looked at the man b
efore him.
`Who the hell are you?' he asked confused, the man just looked nastily at him `A
ren't you going to answer?' the man huffed loudly before answering.
`Fine, but no chit chat' he said shortly `I'm Sirius Black. You killed my best f
riend James Potter. You're girlfriend killed me. And now you and you're mates ar
te trying to kill my godson, Harry Potter!' he said making a sarcastic bow at th
e end of his introduction, Voldemort had heard a lot about him and was quite int
rigued, but he had one main thought on his mind.
`Bellatrix is NOT my girlfriend!' he said defiantly which Sirius smirked at.
`That's not what she said!' he teased with a smirk on his face `But whatever you
need to believe' Voldemort could feel his blood rising as the anger threatened t
o overflow, he had always told Snape to grow up when he heard about his argument
s with Sirius Black, but now he could see Snape's point. He shuddered at the ide
a of agreeing with Snape. He was about to shout at Sirius when he realized how u
gly anger made him, so he cleared his voice and tried to calm himself.
`So, where are we off to, dead man?' he said back politely, emphasizing the word
dead in order to piss him off, Sirius just laughed at his feeble attempt though
and muttered `geek' before answering.
`I know you're a bit dim, moldieshort, but haven't you already been told that yo
u are the one to pick where we go?' he said. Voldemort could feel his anger buil
ding, had he really just been called `moldieshort'.
`I AM NOT SHORT!' he shouted in anger, Sirius though simply laughed causing him
to get even angrier `I'M ABOUT 6 FOOT FREAKING 6! THAT IS SO NOT SHORT!' he shou
ted again, this man was intolerable, he wished he was alive so he could kill him
.
`Fine, Voldie-pooh' he said laughing `We're off!' and with that the light went b
right again and he found himself in another room. He looked around and realized
he was in the staff room at his other hideout, Lucius and Bellatrix were the onl
y ones there, they were apparently in deep conversation.
`This is fun!' Voldemort said out loud looking at Sirius `Didn't you get killed
by that eeny teeny bitty woman?' he said laughing, Sirius was grinding his teeth
staring at him, Voldemort couldn't help but laugh before turning his attention
to Lucius and Bellatrix.
`I know it's hard' Lucius said softly `I could have been anything I wanted, I'm
rich, handsome and powerful, but I decide to sign up with Voldemort, and do I ev
er get even a simple thank you? Nu-huh!' he said shaking his head sadly.
`It's not that he's a mean man' Bellatrix started `It's just since this whole Ha
rry Potter thing he's become so distanced from usdo you remember the first D.E Ch
ristmas?' they looked at each other and sighed.
`Who knew Voldemort had such a nice singing voice?' Lucius said reminiscing `And
what about when Crabbe tried to kiss Goyle? That was priceless!' they both laug
hed at the happy memories.
`Crabbe couldn't walk for a week!' Bellatrix added between laughs. They both wen
t silent for a few moments, Voldemort looked at Sirius who mouthed the words `Si
nging?' to him questioning, Voldemort actually found himself blushing, something
he didn't think his skin could actually do anymore. He stuck both fingers up at
Sirius and went back to the conversation.
`If we can just get Harry Potter then I'd be sure that we'd have the old Voldemo
rt back!' Lucius said sighing `It's just so hard to deal with him and his mood s
wings sometimes' Bellatrix interrupted him though and said in a high pitched voic
e.
`But you're not the one in love with him!' she said and with this the light went
bright and he found himself back in his room. Thoughts were running wild throug
h his head, Bellatrix was in love with him? He had always just thought of her as
a crazy stalker! Sure she was cute, and it would piss Sirius of he hooked up wi
th both his cousin and killer. Sirius interrupted his musings though.
`You're a dick' he said simply and honestly, Voldemort was taken back in shock `
just had to say it' he said politely.
`Thanks' Voldemort said confused, to call someone a dick totally out of the blue
like that was incredibly weird and rude, even for the company he usually kept.
`You're welcome' Sirius said cheerily `Before I go though, leave Harry alone or
else! He's found a woman he loves, and he's finally happyso leave him alone!' he
said threateningly, Voldemort just laughed.
`He finally got with Hermione? Lucky son of a bitch! She sure is fine' Voldemort
asked conversationally, Sirius looked shocked `Oh come on! I might be the dark l
ord but I'm not blind! How obvious can two people make it! Puh-leeze!' and indee
d it was painstakingly obvious, Hermione was a hot piece of ass and Harry really
is a lucky bastard if even he gets laid with her" Voldemort reckoned, and altho
ugh he wanted to kill him he had to admit that Harry was a real cutie himself.
`I'm not even going to ask, but for your information they both have been shagging
like bunnies' for which Voldemort gave a jealous huff which was new for him. Si
rius said turning away as the door knocked `Adios Amigo Voldie-pooh!' and with t
hat he disappeared as the door was opened. In front of him was someone he NEVER
expected to meet.
`Holy fuck. It's Jesus Christ!' he whispered in shock.
`That's my name, don't wear it out, otherwise you'll have to buy me a new one!'
Jesus said with a corny seventies game show host smile. Voldemort couldn't belie
ve he was standing face to face with the lord savior Jesus Christ. A Million tho
ught shot through Voldemorts brain and he was in such shock he had trouble heari
ng even a single one of them.
`I guess a Happy Birthdays in order?' Voldemort said politely.
`Only if you slap on a gin on the rocks with that order!' he said, his corny smi
le constantly attached as he let out a little fake laugh.
`I can't believe that you're my third ghost!' Voldemort said in shock.
`Well I am part of the Holy Trinity, although with Albus and Sirius included Chr
istianity would be a lot more fun! Maybe I'll have a word with the Pope about a
change' he said laughing. Voldemort did like the guy but he was staring to get a
little annoying with his cheerfulness, but it was his birthday after all he rea
soned, so he allowed it to slip.
`So where are we going then, Jesus?' he asked but instantly realized his mistake
`Sorry, I know you don't know' he said apologetically, Jesus however continued s
miling.
`Actually, Tom, tonight I know exactly where we going!' he said in a cheesy way
again and wheeled towards the door `Lets show Tom what's behind door number one!
' he said in that game show host way of his that was starting to really piss Vol
demort off, the door burst open and Voldemort felt the heat burn his skin before
Jesus spoke loudly over the cackling `Hell of the Future!' and he pushed Voldem
ort through to claim his `prize'.
The heat burnt at his skin slightly as he looked around Hell, people were being
tortured by demons all over the place, his first thought was to see if he could
get any to join the death eaters but he quickly banished it.
`So what are we doing he?' he asked but paused when he saw a shocking sight. He s
aw himself in a skirt being beaten the living daylights out of by none other tha
n Neville Longbottom, that disgusting fat squib `I end up here?' he asked confus
ed `I always thought that I was the good guy!' he said indignantly, his whole li
fe had been turned upside down, Jesus looked knowingly at him.
`That's what every evil man ever has thoughtHitler' and he pointed over at a man t
hat was being eaten alive by turtles `Stalin' who was being kicked repeatedly in t
he crutch by an old woman who had about 30 cats around her `Teddy Sheringham' who
was being kicked to death in the most painful way possible, by the legend that
is George Foreman. Voldemort was in shock and couldn't move as Jesus led him bac
k through the door to his own room. He fell onto a chair, still unable to move f
or a few minutes.
`I'm going to end up there?' he said in shock.
`You will end up there' Jesus said softly `unless you change your ways and become
an instrument of good' he said looking into Voldemorts eyes.
`ButI've traveled so far down this road, I've killed so many, I don't even have a
whole soul anymore. I killed Santa for goodness sake!...I can never get forgive
ness!' he said on the verge of tears to Jesus. Jesus looked at him kindly for a
moment before speaking again.
`Do you forget who you're speaking to?' he asked with a smile, it clicked into p
lace why Jesus had been his third ghost.
`Can youWill you forgive me?' he asked sincerely, Jesus looked at him and touched
him on top of his head.
`You're forgiven, my friend. You're soul never belonged to you in the first plac
e, so I shall give it back to you. But from this day on any new sins you commit
will lead you to that future live like a good man, and you will have a home with
me forever in heaven' Jesus said softly standing up, Tom could feel tears of joy
filling his eyes.
`Thank you Jesus' he said simply, all he did was smile at him and disappear in a
flash of bright light leaving Voldemort alone with his thoughts. He had to be a
good man now, he had been wrong on his perceptions on Good and Evil, so that mus
t have meant that Dumbledore was right! He knew that he would never live this do
wn. Suddenly a knocking came from the door and in walked Bellatrix carrying an o
wl he didn't recognize. He smiled at Bellatrix and beckoned her over, she was a
beautiful women, if a little crazily deranged, but he knew he could save her. He
pulled her close to him, so close he could see the fear in her eyes, fear he wa
nted to kiss away, he pressed his lips against hers and felt a sensation he hadn
't felt for decades, love. As he withdrew he could see tears soaking her face, a
look of bliss etched across her face.
`Voldemort' she started but he interrupted her.
`My names Tom, call me Tom' he cooed softly to her `or call me you're love' he sa
id softly as he pressed his lips against hers. For an hour or more they stayed t
hat way, teasing each other with kisses until Bellatrix spoke up.
`Tom, we found something' and she pulled away and showed him the owl, he recogniz
ed it as Harry's and grabbed the letter attached and read it
Dear Tom,
I suspect that you won't be expecting this letter, but I wish to meet. No battle
s or threats of death, a one on one conversation for a change. I know you were o
nce in love, that it was that that made you what you are, and I know you still h
ave good in you. I know you can save yourself, and maybe the girl you still see
when you close you're eyes. I invite you for Christmas dinner, a chance to make
up for the one you missed all those years back.
Harry
As he finished it he realized that life had given him another chance, and he was
n't going to mess this up, he was going to make this the best Christmas ever if
it killed him. Bellatrix interrupted his thoughts by speaking to him.
`We killed the owl' she said softly.
"Damn, I believe it's not his familiar Hedwig?"
'No master, she said in even a softer voice.
"Oh thank God. Otherwise Harry will be very pissed", he muttered in a frightful
voice.
===========================================================
Harry Potter, and friends, at the Circus
`So lets get this right' the man said, stifling his laughter a little `you say that
Harry has actuallyyou knowthat Hermione Granger?'
`That's exactly what I was saying!' the woman replied giggling.
`How the hell did that one happen?' he said in shock `Lucky son of a bitch', he
still could not get over the shock.
`Of the highest order' she said throwing her head back in laughter.
`The looker and the four eyes!' he said between annoyance.
`Umsir?' a man said as he rapped on the door, the pair knew who the man was just
by his voice, and neither wanted his presence `you there sir?'
The pair sat in silence, hoping that if they were quiet the man might just go aw
ay thinking they weren't there.
`SIR?' the man called louder `HELLO? ANYONE HOME?' he yelled as he hammered on t
he door.
The man picked up his wand in annoyance and after flicking it, the door opened w
ide showing a blonde middle aged man.
`What is itLucius?' the man said to his visitor. If he was honest he had always w
ondered how Lucius had become so influential, he was pretty crap after all.
`Umsir, it's just thatI was just wonderingsir' he said nervously, his fingers workin
g nervously around his wand as he watched his feet.
`Speak up Lucius' he said bored, and disliking the man even more.
`Its just I waswell, I was a little bored, sirand I was wondering what you was doi
ng' he said anxiously, his eyes shooting up and noticing for the first time that
he wasn't alone `Oh hi BellatrixI didn't know you was here'
`That's ok Luciusme and Voldemort was just talking bout Harry and Hermione' she s
aid gossipy. Voldemort sighed, even the fact that Bella hated Lucius didn't stop
her from gossiping with him, and he often wondered what she said about him behi
nd his back `They're an item now'
`I heard that toobut in my story they are married. She is such a hotty, lucky bas
tard' he too huffed' and sat down in between the two of them. Voldemort coughed
loudly but Lucius didn't seem to realize.
`Uh-huh!' she said raising her eyebrows `but even Goyle could do better than her
!'
`I don't think she's that bad' Voldemort added. Bellatrix stopped and stared at
him in disbelief for a moment before turning back to gossip together again. Vold
emort didn't like this part of being boss, people always felt a little awkward a
round him and didn't want to disagree with him, the odd crucio as a punishment a
nd people thought he was a little angry.
`Shall we go get somecoffeeor something?' Lucius asked Bella, a little bit off flu
sh entering his face.
`Um' Bella said eyeing him. People thought that he could always read peoples mind
s, and was a great legillemens, but in truth he was rather shit, he usually just
bluffed his way through it, and if proven wrong he just avada kedavra-ed them `
how about that circus that is in town?'
`That sounds great!' Lucius said almost wetting himself with joy, even the shit
legillemens that Voldemort was he knew that Lucius wanted to get in Bellas pants
. Voldemort waited for a moment to be invited, but as the two of them gazed at e
ach other he knew it wasn't going to come.
`How about we all make a day of it?' Voldemort said, both of their heads snappin
g back onto his `You know, a death eater day off?'
`Whatlike the old days?' Bella said, a glint in her eyes.
`Yeahsure, why not?' Voldemort said standing up. Bella stood up and threw her arm
s around his neck, pulling him into a bone breaking hug. Another thing that peop
le didn't know about him was how physically weak he was, especially in this seco
nd hand, badly made body that he now had. Consequently he had to bite his lip to
stop from crying.
`Thank you sooooo much!' she said happily `I'll go tell everyone!'
Voldemort watched as Bella skipped of, her pretty flowery skirt bellowing out be
hind her. Voldemort loved Bellas hippy chick look, it suited her.
`Umsirdo you want to hug me?' Lucius said in a small scared voice, Voldemort looke
d around at him in disbelief.
`Fuck off' he said and wandered off to get changed.
MEANWHILE, IN A SMALL FLAT IN LONDON, HARRY POTTER, EVERYONES FAVOURITE GLASSES
WEARING WIZARD, IS IN DEEP THOUGHT, CONTEMPLATING THE BIGGEST ISSUES THAT LIFE H
AS TO HOLD...
`Do you think I'd look good in chinos?' he said eyeing himself in the mirror. A
few moments passed without reply so he turned around to look at his friend, Rona
ld Weasley, working feverishly on scrubbing the floor `Ron?'
`Yo man, wha-s hangin?' Ron said looking up from his job.
`I said do you think I'd look good in chinos?' he said miffed at being ignored.
`Why you do me like dat? Can you eyes I'm sho-busy?' Ron said angrily, now this
was too much for Harry.
`And who pays you to do that job? Oh, that's right, it's me!' he said annoyed, t
houghts still on chinos `so maybe you should try answering your bosses questions
!'
`yo pay me no chesse, foo!' he said indignantly, the ungrateful swine!.
`You ungrateful swine!' Harry said throwing his glass of water at Ron, but missi
ng by a good meter or two, Harry had always been terrible at sports `I give you
a job, the money I EARNT, do you know how hard it is to have your parents deaded
when your one! and all you do is throw it back in my face! I hate you and hope
you die a painful death and bugs shit in your hair!' he screamed.
`Dat it, punkI'm outtie, fo-shizzle!' Ron said standing up and preparing to leave
. Harry felt his heart leap, threatening to come out of his throat, he fell to h
is knees, tears flowing from his eyes like sweat from a fat person.
`What are you two boys doing?' Hermione said entering the room and looking at th
e two as they stood face to face `you two hooking up?' she said jokingly. Ron lo
oked taken aback and sickened at the idea. Harry was also sickened, but because
he thought he could do much better than Ron.
`I do no drop anchor in bum bay!' Ron said taking a step back.
`Justsomethingor someoneI did' Harry said looking at Hermione, who winked back.
`So what's the GP for today?' Hermione said helping herself to a chair.
`I'm thinking of buying some chinos, what do you think of that?' Harry asked ser
iously.
`I thought we could go to the pub?' Hermione kind off replied.
`Me and chinos?' Harry said indignantly.
`Biding some brews sounds hot' Ron said `need to get me buzz on before'
`Here' Hermione said handing Ron a joint.
`CHINOS?' Harry yelled jumping up and down a little.
`We are not going to America' Hermione said scornfully.
`I meant the trousers' Harry said, tears threatening to come.
`Shut the fuck up and fo-chill' Ron said between toking.
`I HATE YOU!' Harry yelled at Ron and ran from the room to his own, with the int
ention of getting changed, although not into some chinos till he bought some.
`I'll go after him' Hermione said leaving Ron toking away.
She walked through the small flat, taking only a few seconds before arriving at
Harry's door. She paused for a moment in front of it before pushing it open and
walking in, closing the door quickly behind her.
`Hello Harry' she said looking at him, standing in his boxer shorts before him.
He looked good enough to eat `I'm gonna eat you like I eat macaroni' she said wa
lking up to him and dropping to her knees before him `Straight down'
and Harry had a very enjoyable afternoon
`Fo shizzle my nizzle, that it some piece of ass!' Ron said as he eyed a woman o
n the table next to them `Holla at me girl!' he called at her making her blush s
lightly `The bitch wants me'
`With hair like that I'm sure all she wants is to get back to the seventies' Har
ry said scathingly at the big haired blonde Ron was taken by.
Harry giggled at what he could accomplish here if only Ron would fuck off.
`Ron, why don't you just fuck off?' Harry said
`And when I fuck of I'll fuck yo motha!' Ron said laughing `necrophilia aint to
low fo me'
`I HATE YOU AND HOPE YOU DIE!' Harry yelled, making the whole pub stare at him,
but Harry didn't care.
`So what's the GP from here?' Hermione said, her use off the word GP fucked Harr
y off something terrible.
`Yo woman, chill!' Ron said nastily, staring at the blonde.
`Don't call me woman' the blond said angrily back.
`Yo a woman, so I call yo a woman' Ron said bickering.
`So I'll call you a twat-eye then' Hermione replied quickly.
`Fuck this for a picnic and a piece of pie!' Ron said standing up and walking ov
er to the blonde with the bad hair.
`Look at him scamming on that poor girl, like the plonker has a chance' Hermione
said turning her eyes onto Harry and smiling seductively.
`true' Harry pointed out trying to be helpful.
`yea True' Hermione said leaning closer to Harry, her leg crawling up his leg.
`So what's the GP? Hermione said.
`I was thinking of buying some chinos, but I'm not sure if they'd suit me' Harry
replied, he had already had enough fun that afternoon and his mind was fully on
his dream chinos.
`I was thinking of the circus around the corner?' Hermione said downing her sixt
h double vodka.
`Do they sell chinos there?' Harry said overly sarcastic.
`No, but they do sell sunglasses' Hermione said now swigging form a bottle of Vo
dka, Harry was sure she must of magiced it, she was very good at the alcohol spe
lls.
`Have they got aviators?' Harry asked seriously.
`Probably' she said noncommittal like.
`cooool!' Harry said, picturing himself in a pair of chinos while wearing his ne
w cool aviators `ultra cool!'
`Yo dudes we gotta bounce!' Ron said coming over to the table `that hoes boyfrie
nd showed up and he ain't looked no not pissed, and widout any mother fucking gi
fts!'
`Ron, you are such a tit job' Harry said finishing his drink and standing up to
go.
Meanwhile, Voldemort and his merry gang of death eaters are having their first da
y out for, like, a thousand years or summit like that
`Dude, did you see me hammer that mole?' Voldemort said happily to his friends,
all chuckling away eating candy floss.
`Lucius wants a go at having his mole whacked' Bella said nudging him as she gig
gled away to herself, Lucius blushing furiously.
`And I wonder who he wants the hammer to be?' Voldemort said teasingly watching
as Bella threw her head back laughing wildly.
Voldemort stopped dead in his tracks, the one image that was impossible was befo
re him, the one image that threw fear into his heart. Harry potter and his side
kicks. His whole merry gang stopped being merry. The male friend that Voldemort
could never remember the name of came storming up to him, the other two followin
g in his wake.
`Lookie what we have here, a group of mother fucking bitches' he said, looking V
oldemort straight in the eye.
`Now now, we're here just enjoying ourselves' Voldemort said.
`Yo, I thought u enjoyed urself being gay, fo-shizzle!' he said nastily, spittin
g along with some of his words `Or is the blonde guy yo's!'
`Ron, shut the fuck up!' Harry said trying to grab his friend by the arm and dra
g him away, an apologetic smile on his face `Voldemortdo you think I'd suit chino
s?' .
`Yo more of a bitch than a bitch!' Ron said shrugging Harry off, who stood, shou
lders slumping wishing he had just gone to buy his chinos this afternoon.
`Come on guys lets go' Voldemort said turning to lead his gang away, wondering i
f Harry would look good in chinos while noting that Lucius looked terrified.
`Yo scared yo hoe will want a real man' Ron shouted at Bella.
`I'm not a hoe' Bella replied indignantly.
`Yo fuck around with a bitch den yo a hoe' Ron said shrugging cockily.
`Your dress looks very pretty' Hermione said to Bella noting how long her legs w
ere.
`What's your problem?' Voldemort said squaring up to Ron, if there was one thing
he hated it was people being nasty to his friends.
`Yo face!' Ron said eye to eye with him. Voldemort took a step back and withdrew
his wand, and quickly everyone had theirs out.
`NO!' Hermione screamed, her hand over her ears, making everyone stop dead. Scre
aming usually came later in a battle than this.
`What is it Hermione?' Harry asked softly, worry on his face `is it anything to
do with me wearing chinos?'
`Of course not!' se said, a little teary eyed, Harry breathed out a sigh of reli
ef at this news.
`Aren't you feeling well' Voldemort asked friendly, he never had anything agains
t her and knew how bad fighting when ill could be.
`I'm ok, thank you' she replied with a smile.
`Yo woman, yo on the blob?' Ron said scathingly
`That's the problem' she said seeming to shrink `I won't be on the blob for a lon
g timenine months to be exact'
`What!' Harry said with wonder.
`You are sooo stupid!' Voldemort said bent over double as he laughed away.
`I'm pregnant' Hermione said quickly, stopping everyone laughing instantlyexcept
Lucius who seemed to miss it.
`That's even better than Lucius story!' Bella said after a few moments, gossip d
ripping every word she said.
`That's even better than my plan of killing you!' Voldemort said mournfully to H
arry.
`Yo foo, that shit is wack' Ron added pissed.
`How about if you're allowed a pair of chinos?' she said with a smile.
`Go on' Harry said thinking of a pair of chinos.
`And some aviators?' she said taking another step closer and putting her hand on
his chest.
`Then I love you!' He said after a few moments, a smile spread across his face `O
OOHHHH a child all of my own! And he'll have ALL the chinos in the world!'
`Poor fucking child!' Bella said giggling slightly
`And as a present of peace offering, I'll give you my aviators' Voldemort said h
anding over his glasses slowly, unsure if he was doing the right thing or not.
`Thanks!' Harry said putting them on, sucking in his cheeks and pouting, he knew
how cool he must look now.
`Mr. Voldemort' Hermione said nervously.
`Yes, sweet child?' Voldemort replied, he wondered why he had insisted on being
called Lord when Mr. sounded much more respectable.
`Would you be the godfather of our child?' Hermione said smiling from ear to ear
.
`That's a superb idea!' Harry said beaming.
`Yo bi-a-tches!' Ron said angrily `I'm gonna be the godfather of my friends baby
!'
`Umno' Harry said awkwardly.
`Yeah we can't be your friend anymore' Hermione said putting a hand on Ron's arm
consolingly.
`What? Why?' Ron said in shock.
`We can't risk the baby catching gingerI'm so sorry' Harry said with a sad smile.
`Oh' Ron said in shock and quite upset `you sure?'
`Yeah' Hermione said `Gingers are freakswe wouldn't be good parents if we didn't
cut you out of our lives'
`But he's a murderer' Ron said sulkily.
`But a brunette murderer' Harry explained.
`Ohwhat if I dye my hair?' he said putting his hands in his pockets.
`Then you'd be a murderer too' Harry said consolingly.
Ron stood stock still, tears threatening to come.
`Haven't you got somewhere to be?' Voldemort said looking at his watch awkwardly
.
`Yeahsomestuff' Ron said turning away slowly before walking off. As he walked past
the Ferris wheel he heard laughter form all of them making tears roll down his e
yes. A Little kid ran up to him and stopped in his path `What is it?' he said be
tween chokes.
`Ginger cunt!' the five year old shouted and spat at him.
Ron cried openly, alone in a circus, with only the sounds of laughter, as well a
s spit on his top, to keep him company.
*