Kick Review by Mihir Fadnavis

7/25/14 8:10 PM Kick review: Bhai and Sajid Nadiadwala melt your brain, burn a hole in your pocket
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(http://www.firstpost.com/bollywood/kick-
Last night, through the rustling wind and pounding rain, I heard the faint strains of a
song. It was the Spirit of Bollywood crooning a melancholy melody, reflecting upon the
newest product it had just belched out.
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface.
Consuming, confusing.
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending. Its controlling.
I can't seem to find myself again,
My walls are closing in
know-before-
watching-salman-
khans-kick-
1629069.html)
I like my role in
Salman Khan's 'Kick',
says Nawazuddin
Siddiqui
(http://www.firstpost.com/bollywood/like-
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1630563.html)
Salman's 'Kick' to hit
over 5,000 theatres in
India, 43 countries to
screen film
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Kick review Even by
Salman Khan's
standards, this is an
idiotic film
review-even-by-
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(without a sense of confidence
and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take).
I've felt this way before, so insecure.
It might also have been an insomniac neighbour playing Linkin Park, but since Id just
watched Kick, I prefer my Spirit of Bollywood version.
Sajid Nadiadwala, the producer of arthouse classics like Housefull; Chetan Bhagat,
Indias modern literary genius; and Salman Khan, the unparalleled successor to Orson
Welles, teamed up for one project and it is known as Kick. In the mystic Dead Sea
Scrolls, it was written that such a union could melt polar ice caps, burn gigantic holes in
the ozone layer and cause tsunamis that could engulf the whole planet. Kick is almost
there: it melts the brain, burns a hole in your pocket and causes a tsunami of rage
within you.
Which is why I found myself
singing along with the Spirit of
Bollywood last night:
Crawling in my skin, these
wounds they will not heal.
Bhais films is how I fall,
confusing what is real.
Nadiadwala may have parted
ways with Sajid Khan. But in
Kick, his debut film, he proves
something historic: he is a
much worse filmmaker than
Khan. For years Khan has been well regarded as someone who doesnt try very hard
while acting in a film. With Kick, Nadiadwala shows what it really means to not make
an effort. To say that he phones it in would mean he actually made the effort to make a
call on sets. From the look of things, Nadiadwala couldnt be bothered.
Kick is a Salman Khan film, which is exactly like every other previous Bhai film, made
for Bhai fans. This means
a) The script would depress a dull primate
b) All women in the film are utterly stupid,
c) Bhai is an angelic godlike creature sent to us by Lord Xenu only to be worshipped
d) There have to references to previous Bhai films. Its called being meta.
Whats that you say? This Bhai film is different and good because it has a huge budget
and is set in phoren locations? If Jai Ho was a smelly sock, then Kick is a smelly sock
placed in an fancy box and wrapped in a silver foil. You open the box and the effect is
still the same.
The massive budget of the film doesnt much manifest itself into the visuals in a
convincing manner. There is an appalling animated sequence and the CGI looks like it
was made for a few rupees in a basement Pentium 2 PC. In a scene where Bhai drives a
bus through parked cars, the cars fly around like video game rag dolls.
But once again, this is a masala commercial film and I shouldnt expect anything smart
or classy. Right? Wrong. You can choose to have a good script. You can choose to
entertain audiences by not insulting their intelligence. You can choose to not have
Jacqueline Fernandez playing a psychologist whose idea of treating a patient is to bring
him home and then take him to a bar. You can choose to not show Saurabh Shukla bent
(http://s4.firstpost.in/wp-
content/uploads/2014/07/kick11.gif) A poster of the film.
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over an exercise ball with a hulking, tattooed yoga instructor looming over him.
The only agenda that Kick has is to squeeze Bhai into every frame of the film and make
him a contrived superhero. Ill avoid making any Kick puns about how hard the blows
feel, but I can tell you the film does contain one interesting scene. Bhai dances in a club
to Saat samandar paar and jeers at Randeep Hooda by showing him the text on the
back of his T shirt it reads LOSER. Is that meant for the audience or Khan being self-
deprecating? I dont think so.
The supporting cast in Kick, despite looking decent on paper, doesnt work very hard
either. Considering the script, its not surprising since everyone in the Kick universe
exists only to make Bhais idiotic superhero look cool. Hooda sneers his way through
the film and Nawazuddin Siddiqui hams to the hilt every time theres a manic bark of
laughter from him, its like hes imagining the sound of his bank account being credited.
As is the case with most Bhai films, none of the setbacks are going to matter as such,
because for diehard Bhai fans, they're trifles in a box of goodies. And a review of the
film is hilariously useless, because no known force on this planet can stop a Bhai film
from sending the box office registers ringing. Bhai seems to have discovered the elixir of
life with the Eid release strategy. In the annals of time whether or not the chaand shows
up, a Bhai film certainly will.
No wonder then that the Spirit of Bollywood wandered through the city last night,
drunk and depressed. The last words of its song are a haunting echo:
I tried so hard and got so far. In the end, it doesnt even matter.
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! Reply !
Indian ! an hour ago
Don't blame Salman for these movies, its the audience who's to be blamed.
There is a very large group in our country who like these non-sense movies.
I think it all started in 08 when Ghajini came out, usse pehle tak ye bollywood walle
thik thak time pass movie bna lete the.
07-08 k baad to jaise line laga di inhone wahiyaat movies ki.
Salman, Akshay pehle thik the yaar, itne irritating nhi the.
But ab to inn dono se jyada thik to Tushaar kapoor bhi lagta hai.
Aamir was good untill D:3, i mean what Was that?
Hrithik's amazing but he do a movie in what like a Decade?
Uske baad to koi actor dhang ka nhi aaya except ranbir.
Mainstreme bollywood was good in the 90's and early 00's, they gave us some
enjoyable movies & music. Now, all they want to do is make money and they are
making loads of it.

1
! Reply !
Cosmic ! an hour ago
If Salman is bent on pleasing his fans (chaps who like to get a kick by addressing
him "bhai" and try to emulate a tapori style when talking to fellow "fans") he should
stop making films and should make arcade video games starring himself. As it is,
making cars fly, super human punches, lion noise grunting and senseless belt
twisting dances will come out even better on video games. And why wait for a
Salman movie, his "fans" can enjoy his antics daily by visiting a video game parlor
and Salman will end up making crores every day. Why only 200 crores from a film
in 5 days, he should be able to make 200 crores every week if he really has so
many "fans"!! For us simpler people, we will just be happy remembering his "Maine
Pyar Kiya" and smile fondly.

1
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! Reply !
Sathya ! an hour ago
Hahaha .... Enjoyed the review!!
I hope you write more :-)

! Reply !
Aayush ! 2 hours ago
Go Get your life Firstpost. From morning you are posting 3 times the same article
that KICK is crap, blah blah. You really sucks. If u didn't liked this movie then its
fine, you gave review one sided(seems like paid review by Salman's hater or may
be you all are the media person whom Salman had asked to go out of the Song
Launch because of that u r showing your vengeance here) that is also fine but why
again and again for being in Google News Top Stories with just Headlines change.
You fools just watch and review your own company and the loopholes in
FIRSTPOST.

1
! Reply !
ashu ! 2 hours ago
critic is just way too too much logical thinker, trying to find logics in action movies
and thats bollywood action movie, which are just made for fun 'watch and forget' .

! Reply !
Bill Joe ! 2 hours ago
Hahaha using the lyrics of a song by a degenerate band like Linkin park to show
your dismay over an equally trashy film? Ingenious!!!

! Reply !
Keere ! 2 hours ago
How many times will firstpost use the same article with different headings? We get
it. You saw Kick and absolutely hated it. You also wrote an article about it. Now let
it go and get back to your job.

1
! Reply !
gegrws ! an hour ago Keere
This is his job. Sounds like a nice job.

1
! Reply !
jatin sai ! 3 hours ago
bhai mazaa nahi aaya!
worst movie of the year...very sad being your fan..

2
! Reply !
Asim Mohamed ! 4 hours ago
Every review from FirstPost for this movie is negative, while all other websites and
reviewers have given it a thumbs up..
Quite quite clear this website is desperately hoping to get some traffic by going
against the trend..
there is a word that was created just for guys like you- LOSERS :)

9
! Reply !
manik ! 4 hours ago Asim Mohamed
Agreed...
And this looser fits best to the guy named Hitesh in the comments below. ...
:)

1
! Reply !
Asim Mohamed ! 4 hours ago manik
yeah, jobless nonsensical morons desperately hoping to get some
attention :)

! Reply !
manik ! 4 hours ago
This critic must be a (or I am damn sure) a BJP or shahrukh fan....
NAAM BADE AUR KAAM CHHOTE..
Pitty you.. ;)

2
hitesh ! 5 hours ago
just as congress got 'congressed' normal public (other than retired salman fans)
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! Reply !
got 'Kicked'='congreesed'

! Reply !
Subhashis Chowdhury ! 6 hours ago
Why review a Bhai movie? Isn't it a waste of effort. But, the movie will be a flop.
Hope it's a colossal flop

4
! Reply !
hitesh ! 6 hours ago Subhashis Chowdhury
if not now, wait for another one and iska bhi 'congress' hoga.

! Reply !
Ram Lakshman ! 6 hours ago
Is this by any chance remake of Telugu/Tamil movie named Kick.....

! Reply !
hitesh ! 6 hours ago Ram Lakshman
unfortunately 'Yes'

! Reply !
Ram Lakshman ! 4 hours ago hitesh
The Telugu original was good and watchable considering it was
written for Raviteja's personality.... However the Tamil remake was a
disaster with that lamp post Jayam Ravi in it..Were they crazy to
make a remake of a remake.....

3
! Reply !
hitesh ! 3 hours ago Ram Lakshman
that is why it is said, to copy even one needs brain

2
! Reply !
hitesh ! 6 hours ago
bhai original creation/film se itnee dushmani achhi baat nahi. be human show some
symapathy to masterpieces.

2
! Reply !
Rikesh ! 6 hours ago
This review makes me weep for critics. They clearly don't get the concept of
"masala". They should stick to reviewing arthouse flicks.

3
! Reply !
anonymous ! 6 hours ago
the writer went to catch the movie on the first day itself... seems like a die hard
sallu fan eww

1
! Reply !
Xman ! 6 hours ago
Pseudo critic who likes only pseudo movies.

1
! Reply !
Hitesh ! 6 hours ago
this is a high alarming time, Bai sorry :-) Bhai should stop acting in films, perhaps
he should also avoid guest appearances for some time. please sir give us a break.
there should rating like U/A etc as 'Only for Bhai's stupid Fans'

9
! Reply !
manik ! 4 hours ago Hitesh
bhai tu to aise bol rha hai jaise tu koi subhash ghai hai... And u stupid guy,
these are his stupid fans for whom he is making these films.. Not for insanes
like you ..

! Reply !
hitesh ! 4 hours ago manik
that is what i am saying, they should rate it 'onlyfoSalmanstupidfans',
insane people will not even think of it then. this purely cheating done
to normal insane peoples like me than artistic/ osacar jury like you. if
criticizing this movie is insane. i am obliged.

2
Salgay zindabad ! 6 hours ago
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! Reply !
mindless movie from a mindless actor......RIP kick

8
! Reply !
Logical Indian ! 6 hours ago
Hahaha.... Sarcasm at its best. Just the majority of public ain't gonna agree with
you.

! Reply !
hitesh ! 6 hours ago Logical Indian
i agree, 101%. review is perfect. even better than film itself. :-)

3
! Reply !
Chinmay ! 6 hours ago
This Reviewer called Shuddh Desi Romance a Superb Love-Triangle and a Path
Breaking Film....I hv stopped reading his reviews after that...Just came to read the
comments.

9
! Reply !
Ayan Chowdhury ! 4 hours ago Chinmay
ahahaha

! Reply !
Pradyumna ! 7 hours ago
Better not reveal the true identity of the reviewer,or he might be beaten up by
Bhai's fans, but neverthless it was an awsome piece. Despite knowing about
Sallu's movies, I wanted to go to the movie for the sake of watching a movie, but
the smell of the stinking sock has reached me and I am like "I've become so numb,
I can smell you there"

2
! Reply !
helloworld ! 7 hours ago
in these no body thinks abt what critics say..no body care..because we all know
they are getting money for what they post...salman has huge fan following..and
movie will be a big hit..as i have seen south movie and its nice

! Reply !
Chk ! 7 hours ago
Not sure about the movie..but my qstn for the reviewer is....ok....let it go...not worth
it!! :)

1
! Reply !
hitesh ! 6 hours ago Chk
are but meran paisa?? uska kya. being alcoholic ki ek shirt toh free milni
chahiye yaar.

! Reply !
Vamshi ! 7 hours ago
I guess firstpost have to change their reviewer. This guy seems to be a pessimistic
fellow!! Not this one, all of his reviews are like that

3
! Reply !
Chirag Shah ! 6 hours ago Vamshi
Well....It's not like he criticized some MASTERPIECE...He only criticized
another typical bollywood masala type, mindless film which bollywood
makes over and over and over again.... Any person who has seen films
beyond bollywood would turn into a cynical person....Witnessing the
intellectual degradation within this country is very disturbing........Watch the
type of films getting appreciated around the world, then you will see why
any person would be pessimistic regarding bollywood....
India claims to be a sophisticated and intelligent society and our culture
claims to appreciate art, literature and philosophy....Clearly our films don't
reflect that...Commercial bollywood masala flicks are meant for the lowest
of the lows....You can't expect a critic to blindly say it's good just because it
does well in the Box Office.....

10
hitesh ! 6 hours ago Chirag Shah
agree 100%. ye films ek din dhanda band karwa dengi bollywood ka.
bollywood = congress hoga.
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Salvation House, Varanasi
narayana its a deep seated religious
belief only practicing hindus can
understand this and so my friend
Daft and dangerous: Muslim scholar's
plan for a militia to fight global jihad
Virat I read/watch a lots of current
news affair articles but never read/show
any Muslim
UPSC row: Govt says it will not allow
injustice to students
IndianWisdom there should NOT be
so much PROTEST ...............because,
the changes in exam pattern will
ALSO ON FIRSTPOST
! Reply !
! Reply !
helloworld ! 7 hours ago Vamshi
reviewer is illegal child of kamal r khan

4
! Reply !
Joker ! 7 hours ago
I mean..really..have you ever watched chennai express or dhoom 3? How do you
del about those "intelligent" movies?

4
! Reply !
gintama2806 ! 2 hours ago Joker
Nobody called that movies masterpieces, both D3 and CE got around 2.5
stars.

! Reply !
hitesh ! 6 hours ago Joker
bad taste also has levels. this one is out of the phrase for 'bad taste' for this
masal mixture. ohh there is a phrase 'JaiHo' i just found.

! Reply !
Shammi ! 7 hours ago
Looks like someone's on their period.

5
! Reply !
helloworld ! 7 hours ago Shammi
lol..nice one dude

1
! Reply !
Kal ! 7 hours ago
I guess people from this website don't like Salman, 2nd article bashing Kick, while
other credible critics like Raja Sen have given it 3 stars.

4
! Reply !
Srini R ! 7 hours ago
Very well written. I liked the prose and thanks for the Linkin Park lyrics.

2
! Reply !
Varun ! 7 hours ago
Ok now i get what he meant by "mein dil mein aata hoon, samajh mein nahin"

5
! Reply !
Abhijit ! 7 hours ago
Looks like the writer is a huge Linkin Park fan. As for Salmans films...they are
boring anyways which his mindless fans will watch doesn't matter how bad the film
is.

5
! Reply !
Raj ! 7 hours ago
Salman already had his best in Dabbang....All these movies now is just a piece of
crap.....

1
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The Shiv Sena and the great Chapati-gate scandal

Kick Review by Mihir Fadnavis

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7/25/14 8:10 PM Kick review: Bhai and Sajid Nadiadwala melt your brain, burn a hole in your pocket

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