GOODBYE, GWEN

by Alve Jane Aranton

GOODBYE, GWEN
1
There wasnt anything in the world that I wanted than to be with Effie Sanders. After all, she was the most popular girl ;
dazzling, blonde and blue-eyed beautiful. In school, guys would fall at her feet and girls would want to be her friend. Then
theres me, Theo Anderson, quintessential quarterback and closet poet. I was her perfect pair. And I, I liked her and Ive
been chivalrous to pursue her. Flowers, chocolates, grand declarations of love on the football field, but that was way before
I have realized what a big mistake it all was. I was only trying to take a shot at this thing people call love, but ended up
failing in it anyway.
Now Im stuck with Effie when I dont even feel anything at all anymore. No matter how much I want to call it off, Id feel
sorry for her whenever that happens. So Im still collecting some piece of courage until I find the perfect moment to break
up. Just not now, I think.
From afar, shes the golden girl cascading around the school hallways. But you see her up close and realize shes a blank
canvass, shes just like an image you see on posters and TV screens. She was just Effie. And I hadnt witnessed any side of
her I was dying to see. There was no Effie with depth, no Effie with bright eyes who talked about her dreams. Instead, I see
the Effie concealed in make-up, partying until she gets wasted. I thought I had everything I ever wanted; the game and the
girl. But you see, I was once just hoping to have her when it turns out, I didnt really need Effie, nor loved her after all. Ah,
Im being such a silly hopeless romantic!
I couldnt wait for Calculus to end. Id hate to say this but Mr. Robertson is being such a bore. Hes becoming old and weak
and I think half of the class zones out the moment he enters the room. But I pity this man because rumors were milling at
the beginning of the semester, that his wife left him after 26 years of marriage. They didnt have any children, so Mr.
Robertson lives by himself and drives his old Toyota.
The bell finally rang, signalling for my first period to end. Relieved, I picked up my bag that was sitting on the floor and
headed for my locker. I lazily stuffed one of my books and closed the locker loudly than I had thought. Where was Tyler and
Ian, anyway?
I leaned my head on the locker and composed myself when Effie was crawling her hands on my arm and kissing my cheek.
Hi babe! How was class? You look a little off today. Shes trying to be affectionate but it isnt working so I smirked a little
for her to see that I was a bit interested by this conversation. Her hair was perfectly brushed and she was wearing this pink,
floral dress anyone would love to see her in. But shes attractive, nobody can deny that.
Well, I had Calculus for first period after all, so you know what happens. I said, but she was still brushing my hair and
holding my cheek. I thought she was going to say something relevant when she just breathed in deep and said goodbye.
She said she was meeting with her girls in her free period and I couldnt care less.
Just before Effie leaves, I see an unfamiliar face of a girl walking down the hallway. I havent seen her before, Im sure of
that. She was in a plaid shirt, her brown hair held up in a bun. She had on her black chucks and her tattered high waist
shorts. It could call for some attention. I realized I had been looking at her much longer than I had expected when she stood
by our Principal, Mr. Young. I was only staring when Mr. Young called for my attention.
Oh the school quarterback and the next big thing, come on now Mr. Anderson, would you mind touring our new student
around campus for a while? That wouldnt be much of a bother, would it? The girl, who was waiting for a response, looked
nothing but bored. I think she was more than ready to leave this conversation and get this over with. I had free period before
Literature starts, so why not?
Uh, yea sure. Not a problem Mr. Young. Then he left and there was a slight bit of awkwardness between me and this girl I
am yet to meet. I wonder what shes doing here, since enrolling at the middle of the semester in senior year seems a little
odd.
Im Gwen. Gwen Summers, and you are?
The-
The school quarterback and the next big thing, I know. Is there anything more clich than this? Okay, this girl is starting to
become a challenge.
We were walking silently for a while until she starts to reach out and feel sorry for what she just said. Im sorry, Im just kind
of, you know, used to these things. Moving from one school to the next. Nothings temporary with me so I feel like Im in
more clichs than most people. What was your name again? She said, pointing her finger right back at me.

Theo. Theo Anderson. I replied. Apology accepted. But what was this Gwen Summers had that I havent seen from
anyone before, apart from her brutally honest mouth?
I showed her some of the classrooms and laboratories inside campus and talked a little bit of information on her teachers I
have been under a class before. Looking at her schedule, I realized we were in Literature together. She seems to soften,
although being in a new school needs a bit of getting used to, I think shell do fine in the next days. Especially when guys
are checking out this new face and whistling to call for her attention. But she did not give a damn, walked with me, like she
didnt hear anything at all.
You realize those guys are checking you out, right? I asked, stating the obvious.
Why would I care? Its not like Im here to date or get a guys attention anyway. Im still waiting for the next shoe to drop or
when the next move will happen. I dont know. And besides, they wouldnt even want to know my name, they just want to
look at me. You cant like someone you just want on the outside, you just cant. She raised her finger, making a point and
shook her head in repulsion. Wow, this is starting to get interesting.
You cant respond with a straight answer without an opinion, can you? I asked.
Well, thats the way I do it. She said proudly and then we both laughed in rhythm. We reached our Literature classroom
and I was already headed for the door when she was silently moving away from me.
I called for her and said, Hey! We have Literature, remember? Dont you want to get inside on your first day?
She was already turning her back and managed to say, Oh yeah, and have myself stand in front of everyone and introduce
myself? Id rather not. Id do something more productive than that. That made me laugh because that mouth could use
some filter.
I was standing by the door, waiting if there is a chance shed tag along. But she didnt, instead uttered her goodbyes and
said, Hey Anderson! Guess, Ill see you around?
I nodded in agreement, as she was walking away. I guess I already have something to look forward to.

2
Tyler, Ian and I hung out at Tylers basement after class. There were video games and a pool table, guitars, both electric
and acoustic, and a huge flat screen TV up on the wall. Were born to rich families around town and even when life was
handed to us like a silver platter, we were normal guys hanging out, going to school and looking for girls. But we had
responsibilities most people wouldnt understand. Our parents wanted something from us but they would want us to do
something we dont actually want.
For Tyler, who wants to pursue photography, has been told to go for pre-med after senior year. Then theres Ian, whos still
trying to figure out what we wants when his parents have already decided for him to go for business, and mind you,
business was not on his list at all. And on the other hand, there I was, heading for law even when the idea of it does not
appeal to me. My dad has been setting his eyes on Ivy Leagues I should go to when I only want to tell him how much Id like
to study art and literature. But my dad wouldnt want that, since he owns a huge law firm he wants for me to take over in the
future. I think he wants me to be his exact replica, since my sister, Giselle, chased her dream of becoming a fashion editor.
She pushed herself away, and although she comes home from time to time to see me, she and dad arent really on good
terms.
My parents got divorced when I was thirteen, and now my mother is travelling around Europe with herself. When my parents
were constantly fighting and their arguments would go ballistic, it wasnt a surprise for my sister and I that they would break
the marriage off and sign the divorce papers. But I felt lonely, living in a huge house with a family that was torn apart for a
long time.
Dude, there was a new girl in school today. Have you seen her? Tyler asked as he playfully strummed the strings in his
guitar while Ian was drumming the table with his hands creating some sound I dont recognize.
Oh the girl in the plaid shirt? Yes. Mr. Young asked me to show her around campus. Her names Gwen Summers. Were in
literature together. If you want to come up and talk to her, then I suggest you dont.
Tyler put his guitar down, caught by the tone in my voice. Ohohoho, this girl sounds interesting already. Tell me, whats she
like?
Outspoken, honest. You dont want to hear her talk because shes going to spat it right out of your face. And rebellious.
She didnt enter Literature on her first day because introducing herself in front of everyone does not interest her. And not to
mention the fact, meeting me, the school quarterback, was a clich. She said she had encountered more clichs than most
people. I cant believe I heard myself say that, like Ive known her for years. I sighed, and rubbed my hand on my neck.
Still sounds interesting to me. Tyler naughtily said while Ian stopped his drumming and realized he caught on something
from his memory. Is she the girl in shorts with her hair tied up and all that? I nodded, remembering what she looked like.
Man, she finished our Statistics quiz faster than anyone and got off the highest score. I couldnt believe it myself but that
was extreme sorcery right there. We sat there silently, as we found ourselves mystified over this certain Gwen Summers.

3
I couldnt get her off my head.
Weeks after Gwen Summers entered West View, there was something about her that left me clueless. But then I couldnt
erase the fact that underneath, I want to figure her out. Just like the others, Tyler had been put under her spell and he was
already making a move asking her out. However, hes been turned down more times than he had expected. Gwen wanted
nothing to do with attachments, as Tyler had said.
We were eating at our usual lunch table with Effie, some of her friends, and the rest of the football team. Tyler was angrily
pulling his hair as he was murmuring to himself. Its the Gwen thing again hes been battling recently and now he seemed
helpless. Poor guy.
What is up with Tyler? He looks so disturbing! Effie pointed at him, disgusted by the way he is acting aroung lately.
Its Gwen. The girls giving him a tough time.
And who is this Gwen anyway? Why waste your time? She asked, her voice raising an octave higher.
New girl who came in here weeks ago. But she doesnt seem to listen now and she was already clinging onto me like we
were the only persons in the room. I was giving her the cold shoulder but no sooner had she realized that there was
something wrong.
Youre being weird, Theo. Whats wrong? She asked, her eyebrows narrowed in worry.
Just school and family stuff. I dont want you to worry about it. Its not a big deal. I was lying in her face but thankfully she
shook the idea off and clutched her hand tight in mine.
Well, nows a time for you to have fun. Heard Mikes throwing a party later tonight, at his place. Come with me? I think the
gangs going too anyway.
Ah, another one of those parties. Well, I could use some beer. I say convincingly, as Effie smiled by the thought of it.



***
Effie was nowhere in sight and I was standing by the counter holding a red cup in my hand. Ive had a little amount of beer
since I dont plan on driving home and ending myself in a car crash. That would suck big time. People were scattered all
over the house and the stench of liquor entered my nostrils. Some were dancing, kissing and making out, while there I was,
almost inanimate, waiting for some relevant event to happen. Girls have thrown themselves at me but that is not the kind of
attention that I want. I could still be in a crowded room but feel more alone than anybody else. Tyler had been drinking a lot,
trying to forget the rejection from Gwen but we just let himself be. Hes going to forget about her eventually and who knows,
he might meet someone hed be interested here other than Gwen.
I was still standing by the counter, my right hand on my pocket while watched the clock tick. Its getting past midnight and
this party is getting pretty uneventful. But Im still waiting patiently for Effie to show up so I could drive her home. Where
could she be?
I moved my feet and looked around the room for her. In the kitchen, in the bathroom, still there was no Effie. Bumping into
sweaty bodies and noisy chatter, Ive decided to go upstairs in some of the rooms to check. There were six bedrooms; four
of which were locked, one was unoccupied and there was one last room at the far end which was slightly ajar. I walked
slowly, so as not to disturb when I hear muffled sounds of giggling, smacking of lips, moaning and groaning. I came nearer
to the light coming out from the room and slowly forwarded myself to the door.
Then there they were, Effie and Tyler, caught in each others arms. Effie was in her underwear and Tyler had already taken
his shirt off. Her lipstick was smudged in his mouth and her hair was a complete bedhead mess. Both of them have realized
the disbelief in my eyes and remained still for a moment. If I had known this would happen, I couldve just broke off with her
a long time ago. I was just doubtful and I cared about her even when my feelings were fading away, but now she just gave
me a reason to leave and break everything off. I hear Tyler calling my name and Effie was running after me pleading for an
apology and saying that everything was just a complete mistake, but no, I dont want to listen, I dont want to turn my back
and face both of them again. All I want to do is leave this place and cool my mind off.
I found myself reaching for the door and fish for my car keys when I see Gwen sitting at the swing in the front porch all by
herself. Her eyes were far away and she wasnt at any bit, disturbed by the loud thumping of the music playing inside. She
was in a loose white lace dress and her hair was tied in a braid, falling at the right side of her shoulder.
I didnt know youd come here. I said, as I came up slowly to her direction. She turned her face to me and smiled a little
tired smile, Cant a girl have some fun?
So youre having fun with these kind of parties? I asked. Her eyes were still roaming around the neighbourhood, as if
memorizing every color, structure and form. No. Not at all. People and parties bore me. She said, and I was taken aback.
Then why are you here in the first place? I asked.
Just wanted to get out of the house is all. Homes suffocating. Besides, I think I need to explore this new little town Im living
in.
So, youre leaving? She asked, her eyes were looking right back at me. I noticed that they were a deep color of grey and
they were stunning when a light strikes it.
Yeah. I just found my girlfriend in a room with my best friend, about to have sex. So I guess its time for me to leave.
No way, that sucks. She bit her lip and pursed her lips in disgust. We sat there for a moment until she broke off the
silence. You know what Anderson-
I interrupted her, We havent known each other very long and youre already calling me by my surname.
Well, Theo. Theo, right? I nodded.
Where are your car keys? I dangled them in front of her as she nodded. Good.
Whats your point now Gwen? I asked in confusion.
Well my point being, is that I am asking you to drive me to McDonalds.
Pfsh, you want me to drive you to McDonalds at this hour? I retorted.
Yes. She was standing up now, and grabbing my arm. I can only feel she was up for something that I know Im not ready
for. And you, well, you are coming with me.

















4
So obviously youve gotten your heart broken and you need some solace. Preferably some ice cream and a cheese
burger. Gwen said, matter-of-factly, as she stuffed her Big Mac on her mouth. Weve been here for approximately 10
minutes now since leaving Mikes party and I felt relieved knowing that the nearest 24-hour McDonalds was just a 5-minute
drive away from his place.
We were the only ones dining, seated at a secluded area, at a far end booth. Far enough for the girl at the cash register to
see Gwen and I. Gwen insisted she pay, but I wouldnt let that happen. I would never let the girl pay for the food when were
together. However this is not a date, I hope you take note of that. Im starting to indulge myself in the cheese burger and the
ice cream she had wanted for me to eat but I couldnt help but think of the fact that this Gwen Summers is helping me get
through this so-called heartbreak.
Actually, Im relieved. I told her honestly, but that stopped her for a moment. Youre relieved seeing your best friend and
your girlfriend getting hot and dirty?!? She hissed loudly, almost calling the attention of the girl by the counter.
Yes. Im a bit disgusted, thats for sure, knowing that they were doing it behind my back. I said, chewing the burger in my
mouth. But Ive been wanting to break up with her anyway, so I guess it was perfect timing. She just looked at me,
scanning for whatever additional reactions I am to give.
By this time, she had finished her Big Mac and was already down to consuming her ice cream. Looking at the brighter side,
yes. But still, that hurts. She said, licking the inside of her spoon.
Why, youve been cheated before? I asked, waiting for her answer.
Nope. I never dated anybody anyway. She simply replied, stating the easiest answer she could give.
Youre kidding, right? I said, in utter disbelief. Tyler was all over you and almost half of the male population at school are
ogling you and now youre telling me here, you havent been with anybody before. Wow. Youre really quite a something,
huh? She was. She was something and I cant believe she keeps on surprising me with whatever she is doing right now.
I dont do attach-
-Attachments, yes. Thats what Tyler have been telling me. I continued the sentence as she finished her ice cream. Weve
been silent for long and I tried to break it off by changing the subject.
Why were you transferring from one school to the next almost frequently anyway? I asked, as she straightened herself and
sighed in deep. That would be a secret. You will only discover the answer in the right time, right moment and in the near
future. She said encircling her hand as if there was a crystal ball on the table.
Oh come on, Gwen. Im being serious.
My parents love travelling? She replied, peculiarly unsure. Is that even a question?
Nope. She replied, popping the letter P in it.

Okay, veering away from the subject, why were you intending on breaking up with her anyway? She seems perfect. I
mean, for you. She asked, putting her hand under her chin, levelling her eyes on me. You havent even answered my
question yet Gwen. I said.
I did and its your turn to answer mine. She replied as it took a moment for me to answer. I thought it was her, thats it. But
it turned out she wasnt. I told her, as she just looked me in the eye.
Am I sensing something a deep kind of a hopeless romantic thing going on with the school quarterback right now? She
asked suspiciously, squinting her eyes at me. God she looks funny, but beautiful all the same. Why, is there something
wrong with finding the right person for you? I contradicted, realizing arguments with Gwen are starting to get a little more
fun.
I see no wrong about it but things dont last Theo, that is why I dont go for attachments. Maybe when you find the right
person everything seems to be wonderful but then theres no forever. Things end. I see no use of it at all. She made a
point, knowing what had happened to my parents. They were probably right for each other but the circumstance had let
them fall apart, ending this forever they used to have vowed from each other. And I can sense there was something hidden
behind her message to me but I couldnt put my finger around it and so I let it slip onto my mind easily. I usually suck at
signals girls are giving off.
Maybe you havent found the right person yet. I told her, focusing my eyes deep in hers as she looked away immediately.
And when you find him I think youd be less cynical. Maybe theres a fat chance youd believe things that deserve to last
lasts, and that love itself lasts. This conversation is starting to get a little bit uncomfortable and so is the silence. Not so long
after, we have found ourselves getting out of our way at McDonalds and decided I should drive Gwen home.
She was eerily silent for the whole duration of the drive, far from her usual chatty self I have known, but she only spoke to
me for the directions towards her house. Sooner wed arrived in a typical suburban neighbourhood, her house perfectly
situated in-between. I opened her car door, as a gentleman would and she let herself down slowly. She was standing now
facing me, and her eyes has this tendency to pierce onto another. The street lamp was bright and I could see her face
perfectly. She was way attractive for all the boys in this town and I have realized why they were chasing after her. But I was
looking beyond it and I am still in the process of unraveling the pieces that make up Gwen Summers.
Thanks for succumbing into my McDonalds indulgence tonight. She stated, thanking me, still looking right at me with her
grey-colored eyes. My pleasure Summers. But thank you, it kinda sucked I got cheated on tonight but the cheese burger
helped. She giggled, looking down at her feet and moved herself to her front porch. She was halfway through the door and
with one last look, she waved her hand goodbye and smiled at me. Then I hear the door shut and found myself smiling at
the thought about dropping her home safely.




5
It has been weeks since the party and I havent even spoken a single word to either Tyler or Effie. I usually found myself
sitting with Ian at the cafeteria and hanging out with him when classes are over for the day, but what was the biggest
change I see recently, is the thing with me and Gwen. Weve been hanging out more often than not and I can see how much
weve clicked despite the silly little arguments and conversations. I am not infatuated with her but I dont stop myself from
accepting the possibility. She was not difficult to be with after all, and she has this humor no girl can ever pull off. She can
probably snort soda out of her nose and still make it all look fine. She was that interesting and she was that oblivious to her
beauty.
Literature has just ended and Mr. Odells final project for the entire class had been revealed. We were to dedicate a writing
of any kind- a prose, a poem, a speech perhaps. or a letter- to anyone who have made an impact in our lives and present
it to the entire class. Even when literature has been my easiest, most desired subject, the thought of the final project was
starting to feel difficult. Who am I to write about this anyway? My dad? There is no way itd be my dad. If there was any
impact hed made, it would be manipulating my life into his liking.
Whos yours? For lits final project? I asked Gwen, as she was sitting in front of me at lunch. Chewing her pizza, she
replied, Still figuring out who. Ah, so she still responds with those short and cryptic answers of hers. Ignoring, we were
eventually joined in by Ian who has made it late for lunch. It was just the three of us in one table while most of the football
team are far off on the other side. I can find Effie looking at me occasionally and I can feel Tylers eyes whenever we bump
into each other but I dont mind starting up a conversation. I feel like theres no need to.
Now Gwen, tell me why have you aced that Statistics quiz we had when you first came in here. Ian was asking for an
explanation, the memory still fresh from him. Ive taken AP classes of it before and numbers arent really a difficult thing for
me at all. Lit and the others are just a breeze too. She replied smoothly. That widened Ians eyes and brought me into a
laugh. Looking at peoples reactions whenever Gwen surprises them with her response is simply priceless. She just knows
how to blow people away.
Are you really that smart? Ian asked one more and that made Gwen laugh into this huge laugh I have never heard of
before, I just have a brain, thats all.
Now you see what Im talking about dude. Gwen Summers is filter-free and extremely sarcastic. I said to Ian, who was
gawking at the apparent closeness that Gwen and I have. The rest of the conversation was a blur and the next thing we
knew, was that lunch break was over. We were off to our separate ways when I was successful at catching up with Gwen.
Hey Gwen? I reached for her, as she turned her back to face me. Whats up?
Im having a hard time with this one topic in Calculus and Ive been struggling with it lately. And well, you just said numbers
arent really that hard for you so I guess its time for me to ask some favor. How about that you help me out with this until I
finally learn how to? I offered, crossing my fingers for her to agree. She thought for a second and answered me right then,
What, like tutor you? She asked, I nodded.
Okay. Im up with that. She agreed finally, and that almost made me want to jump. Okay great, Ill wait for you after class
then? I replied, nodded and started walking away, as I was left standing alone watching her disappear away from me.

6
We were huddled inside my bedroom, our calculus books sprawled on the floor. It was a good thing my dads still working
pretty late and we only have Nora, the house maid, to serve us some food. Gwen was no fluke at this thing, because she
excelled in the academic spectrum so much. You wouldnt expect that this carefree girl would take her academics seriously
with such grace, looking like she wouldnt care, but she does and she manages it perfectly.
After hours and hours of teaching me the formulas and how I should manoeuvre them, little by little, I could already catch up
with the topic. Looks like Gwen Summers make up a good teacher after all. But I couldnt erase the fact that my mind was
torn into halves, confused between focusing on Calculus and Gwen. Because youd be crazy to let her go unnoticed.
Sometimes, I catch myself just staring at her when shes not looking and I can see all these little things I havent seen from
her before. She ties her hair up in a bun when the going gets tough, case in point, tutoring a tormenting subject. She bites
her lip whenever she thinks of something really complex but then, her eyes would light up when she finally figured
something out and shed hum songs she probably just made up in her head. And without a care in the world, there she was
simply taking my breath away. Oh no, this couldnt be happening. Im starting to believe that what I think about her is
already way more than a guy friend does. This isnt right at all but it seems like so.
We were already done with two chapters and I guess it was done for the day. I figured weve used our brains a little too
much and decided to gobble up on the cookies Nora made while we were sitting comfortably on the bedroom floor. Gwen
was scanning my room while chewing the cookies in her mouth and asked, These cookies are amazing. Who made them?
I know right? Nora has been making them since we were kids, my sister and I. Shes been with us since we were little but it
still tastes as good as the first time. I said as she looked at me attentively.
Where are your parents? Does your house really get this, I dont know, lonely? She asked as she stood up now, walking
around my room and stopping to select some books on my shelf.
My parents arent together anymore. My moms in Europe doing god knows what and my dad, hes pretty perked up
working in a huge law firm that our family owns. And my sisters away in New York working as an editor. So yeah, most
times its just me and Nora but everything seems kind of okay. I told her as she was holding The Great Gatsby on her hand.
I knew she felt sorry for me because she just stood there without saying anything and her eyes were blinking.
Im sorry that had to happen, what with you and your family. She said sympathetically, sitting beside me again on the floor.
So that explains why your house is so huge and all. She was sitting closer now and her arms had touched mine in a split
second. It felt cold and warm at the same time, and the hair on my arms were raising slightly. She could just have this effect
on me and not notice it. Sigh.
We fixed our books on the floor and sat side by side on my large bed. Not soon enough she lied flat and looked up at the
ceiling while I remain seated. Her hair fanned out and her hands were relaxed on her stomach, her chest heaved from
breathing. Then she stood up, went to my desk and opened the Crosley vinyl player I hadnt opened in a long time. My
messy journal, where my ruminations lie, sat beside the player, but thank God she did not gave it a second look. Im not
ready for anyone to read it just yet.
Do you have any records we can play? She gushed, too excitedly as she fiddled on the turntable. I have hidden a few
records in my drawer and fished for the Fitz & The Tantrums. I put it on the turntable and eventually, the music had begun.
Out of My League played first until it reached onto 6AM, which was my favorite on the album. She bobbed her head in time
with the music and began dancing barefoot in the room. The track was a little upbeat and fun but the message the song
wanted to say was this longing you feel when you dont have the person you love beside you. And you wanted them so
badly that you still find yourself awake at dawn missing them.
She had no rhythm and her skirt was swaying when she danced but I just stood there staring, in awe of the awkward grace
that she was capable of doing. I put my hands inside my pocket as she came in closer, moving away the hair that was
covering her face. She pulled my hand and brought me in the middle of the room as the music transitioned into
MerryGoRound. She put her arm around my neck and pulled me in closer I could already feel her nose touching mine.
I dont dance, Summers. I said, putting my hand delicately on her back. So am I but can we just let ourselves be? The
songs are amazing. Live a little, quarterback. She replied, almost like a whisper and there I was swaying slowly with Gwen.
Then I courageously touched my forehead onto hers as I felt her lightly lean on me.
She closed her eyes as I stared right at her mouth, which only deserved to be kissed tenderly, with respect. She was
starting to murmur something when I couldnt contain the feeling of such closeness anymore and grabbed the chance to
kiss her then and there.














7
I know I did the wrong thing.
Since the kiss happened, Gwen has been giving me the cold shoulder. I couldnt catch up with her and sometimes I become
aware of her absence in our Literature class. If Im lucky shed talk to me in minimal responses but then shed ignore me
and leave me questioning. I have no idea whats going on but Im always up for the quest in finding out.
Meanwhile, I shook the idea of looking for her in the campus as I put my things in my locker. Football practice begins and
there is no avoiding Tylers presence. We were at the football field warming up when Tyler came up to me.
Whats the matter Theo? Are you trying to get back at me? He asked, pushing himself forward towards me. What the hell
are you talking about? Youre the one who got caught cheating with my girlfriend! I fought back as he glared right back at
me.
Thats exactly what I mean. What is with you and Gwen, huh? Obviously, youre trying to get back at me by getting closer
to Gwen. You know Ive always been interested in her! He pushed my chest as I steadied myself in his charge.
Were friends. I dont see anything wrong with that.
Is that what you always do? Win everything in life?
This conversation needs to stop Tyler. Gwen matters to me now and youre just some boy shed never be with. You dont
deserve her. I told him as if nonchalantly.
Oh and you do? He fired right back as he left me without any words to say.











8
I miss her. I miss Gwen and her grey eyes. I havent looked at them since she repelled herself from me. Now Im in my bed,
wide awake, stuck with a poem I couldnt write. My heads too distracted I couldnt sleep and Ive been rolling on either sides
of my bed just to clear off my mind. Its still 9 pm, quite a young night for me, so I decided to get dressed in my sweater and
jeans, grabbed my keys and drive around town.
But instead I found myself stopping by at Gwens house. The lights were lit up and there was a silence that was far off from
the kind of noise and babble Gwen shows to others. Flower pots were displayed on the front porch and I walked slowly
towards the door. I knocked, almost too lightly, half-hoping she wouldnt open it and reject me one more time. I was still
waiting until a woman, probably in her mid-forties opened the door with a smile.
Uhm, hi, can I help you? She asked, wondering why and 18 year-old boy came by knocking at her house.
Im Theo, Theo Anderson. Im a friend of Gwens, I was just wondering if shes here? I asked nervously, waiting for her
answer. She smiled politely and said, Oh hi Theo. Im Gwens mom, Angeline and uhm, Gwens upstairs in her room. Do
you want me to call her down for you?
A pleasure to meet you maam, I shook her hand as she gladly did so. Id love to but I dont think she wants to see me.
Just checking if shes home. She nodded as she remained smiling at the thought of a boy checking on whether her
daughters home. Nice move, Theo. Nice move. So that was how I chickened out and how I looked like such a creep. But
sooner had I left, as the soft sound of the door closed in on me. I walked my way to the car and took in one last look at her
house. The night was dark but as I looked up, I just knew that I saw Gwen peeking out her bedroom window, and
disappeared the moment I drove.













9
You came into my house, now what is that Anderson?! She slapped my arm so hard I squirmed in my seat at the cafeteria.
I was surprised by how fast things are going. One moment she was ignoring me and now she seems to be back at her old
self.
Couldnt sleep so I decided to just stop by your house and all.
So my house is your sleeping pill? Wow youre weird. She slumped her food tray and acted as normally as she was
before.
We talked about our usual subjects and we laughed the way we do until I noticed there were red spots showing up in her
arms no matter how much she tried covering them. Has someone been hurting her or is there something going on with her
that I do not know about? Shed divert off topic and smile the way she always does. But I know, deep down, there was
something wrong and things arent the way they were.

10
We were watching the sun settle down as we sat on the sand. Id taken her here, at the beach, for some random reason but
I just want to stay as close. Im sorry I was such a disturbance interrupting your home one night. I said apologetically as
she turned her head to face me.
No worries Anderson. Youre just quite an intruder. My mom thought it was funny you looked so nervous. She giggled as I
laughed at her response. I rubbed my neck as I shyly looked her in the eyes. Hey I apologize, about the kiss-
Lets just forget about it okay. Her face hardened as my heart was beating so fast I couldnt contain.
But I cant Gwen. I cant. No matter how much I try to, I cant. I hope you realize that the feelings I have for you right now
are not the same as what I have before. I blurted out the truth and I myself did not see that one coming. I have fallen for
Gwen and I have jumped too high to hurt myself. I have to say this out loud, because I dont know what might happen to me
if Im going to say it too late.
She wasnt looking at me anymore and her eyes were focused on the horizon in front of us. She bit her li p, as if this
confession of feelings is something she can solve by the numbers. Her eyes were tearing up and she sniffed back the tears
she was trying to stop. But then I couldnt avoid from going near her, so I cupped her face in my hands and wiped her tears
away.
Whats wrong baby, is there something wrong about what I said? I know this is all too sudden but-
Oh no, this cant be. Ugh! She was crying now, fighting to remove my hands from her face. Ill just end up hurting you
Theo. I let her go and she was facing me, her eyes built with too much worry.
No you wont and if you do it wouldnt cause much pain as it would be losing you. I told her with so much bravery I almost
run out of breath. My head was throbbing and my heart was still pounding so loudly, her tears have already left her eyes but
the sadness, that I couldnt figure out, still remained.
You dont know anything about me, Theo. You dont know whats even happening to me.
Tell me about the bruises. I demanded for an answer as it caught her attention. Tell me, is somebody hurting you?! I
asked angrily, as she was motioning herself to stand up.
She was walking away fast now and I ran towards her, catching her arm for her to face me and answer my question . She
gulped her throat, her tears welling up again and breathed in, Im sick, Theo. Im sick.

11
At least tell me this is a joke. I told her as I held my tears from falling out. I could not believe what Im hearing right now.
No it isnt! I wish it was but its real. You dont know how much I wish everything in my life right now was some silly joke so
that I could just wake up and assure myself Lupus hasnt been eating up my decaying body. She answered me back loudly
and she was crying, her voice full of force, going ballistic.
Ive been on treatment way before you even met me Theo. You have to stay away from me. She said, moving away from
me again. I have not seen this one coming at all. Just how funny could life be, now that Im falling for the girl Im sure of,
then the circumstance wouldnt make it certain for the both of us. But if Ill have to fight for us then I would. I would do
anything.
I didnt know, Gwen. I have no idea. But I choose you, no matter what. Please, I want you. I reached for her hand tight so
she wouldnt let go.
You must not love me. She whispered as she put her forehead into mine. Oh but I can and I have already loved you. We
stood there, holding each others arms in silence. I was crying now as she silently did so while shes buried in my chest.
Things wont be easy, for sure but I promise you well make it through. Okay? Just please say yes, and Im yours, Gwen.
Im yours. I told her, looking deep into her grey eyes I have fallen for. She sniffed back the tears and answered, Yes.










12
I let her live as normally as possible that is why she insisted on moving from one school to the next while she continues her
treatment. Angeline told me soflty as we let Gwen sleep on the couch. She was so serene, looking at her deep in sleep. Id
like to see her wake up, but I couldnt deprive her from the rest that she needs.
Gwen has been diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE) when she was fourteen and since then, shes been
trying to stay strong. Its an auto-immune disease that can deteriorate almost any part of her organs. Angeline said she has
looked normal but the disease is chronic and it shows up pretty late, you wouldnt even expect. At ten she had already lost
her father in a car crash and now I can sense the kind of fear that Angeline feels. I dont want to lose her Theo and I know,
no matter how much I avoid the fact, she wont be here for long. Im scared to see my daughter go but I dont want to see
her suffer either. She told me with so much honesty I was at loss for words. How could I have met her at this time when I
know Im about to lose her? But shell make it out alive, I just hope. I dont know what Ill become if I lose her.
But things got a little better when you came around. You dont know how much she talks nonstop about you and shed gush
about the person that you are. She makes it sound so hilarious, that youre just one of those guys shes been interested
with, but theres something about you I havent seen in her before. I can see shes happy. Scared perhaps, but happy. She
explained, as it brought a smile on my face.
I hope you realize that I have the best intentions for your daughter maam. Id love to be with her no matter what happens.
I assured her, hoping that shed believe. Then she smiled, agreed and pat her hand on my shoulder.
Gwen moved slowly, stretching her arms as our conversation might have woken her up. Angeline stood up and mouthed
Ill go get some coffee and off she went to the kitchen. Gwen squinted her eyes and sat herself up on the couch. I sat
beside her as I put my arm around her shoulder, her head resting comfortably.
How was your sleep? Dreamt about me? I asked her naughtily, just to see her face light up in a smile. Huh you wish. She
weakly answered as she rubbed her eyes with her finger. It was a bit late now and I think it was time for me to go home. I
didnt want leave her just yet but I was looking forward to the morning in seeing her again. I kissed her forehead, down to
her nose and uttered my goodbyes. I stood up, walking my way to the door and asked her one last question to end the
night.
Do you mind going on a date with me tomorrow? I think my girlfriend deserves a pretty good date. I offered, hoping shed
say yes.
Well I think my boyfriend deserves a yes. So Im saying yes and Id be glad to have a date with you. She answered, her
face lighting up and her eyes turned into different colors.




13
Taking Gwen to the lake house was not a mistake. Weve done a lot of things the entire day. We swam, skied , kayaked and
watched the old movies hidden in our entertainment room. But I made sure not to exhaust her, as what Angeline had so
carefully reminded me of. Now the winds starting to get cold, causing shivers on our skin and the night had covered the
clouds. We were cuddled up inside this huge couch with a white afghan covering us from the cold, drinking our cup of hot
cocoa and the fireplace was heated up.
Tell me what you want to be when you get out of high school. She said, as she looked up at me, lying comfortably on my
chest. A writer, perhaps. Im not sure. I dont know if thatll happen though. I told her.
You can do anything you want Theo. You have full control of yourself. Whats stopping you? She asked, I said, My dad.
He wouldnt let me. I just know because he insists on me becoming a lawyer.
Well maybe you can talk him out of it. Hes your father after all, Im sure hed understand. She told me, with full confidence
and assurance. How can she stay calm about this, and tell me these things when I dont even have the courage to bring it
up? How I wish I have the same bravery as hers. I love her, I admire her and Im lucky to have been loved back by her.
Okay, nows the time to tell me about you. You always just tell me how to do things and give me all these advises, I want to
hear from you. Whats your favorite color? I asked with a bit of a childish question and she answered, Your eyes. The color
of your eyes are my favorite color. I just discovered it recently when I find myself staring right at them. That made me laugh,
more of a giggle I know, but I couldnt help it. My girlfriend has a romantic bone in her body after all.
What went wrong with you and Effie? She was the golden girl, youre the quarterback. You were perfect. She asked
without any second thoughts as it made me grow uncomfortable but still I told her anyway, Well, for starters, she isnt like
you. Shes nothing like you. Shes a zero, youre a ten. As in she doesnt make sense. But you appeal to me Gwen; your
eyes, your mind. And dont forget about the thing with her and Tyler, that finished things off. However, I also think that I have
made the wrong choice being with her. And you right here, is the right one.
Youd still choose me no matter how hard of a choice I am? She was smiling, waiting for me to answer her right back.
Youre my favorite decision, after all.
I hope I can stay with you a little longer. She said as I held her tighter, ignoring the danger of her words. Dont ever say
that, Gwen. Just please, dont. I warned her as the thought scared me more than anything. Then she slept soundly in my
arms while Im awake, hoping that nights like these would still exist then.




14
After weeks of convincing, Gwen finally gave in to go to Homecoming dance with me. Now Im picking her up from her
house, my tuxedo was all set. I stood at the living room, anxiously waiting for her as Angeline helped her prepare. I
nervously put my hands in my pocket and as I looked up, Gwen was coming down the stairs; stunning and glowing. Her
short blue dress fit her perfectly and her brown hair was swept on the side, cascading down her shoulder. I have never seen
her this way but her beauty was magnified to the extreme, not even some disease can hide it. Her bruises might have been
concealed but I dont care.
You have left me breathless. I told her so because she hated the way I called her beautiful or pretty. She wanted more, not
just some word people often used. Well, you look dashing yourself Anderson. She complimented, as she snaked her arm
around mine.
***
Ian was caught dancing with a girl we have never met before, but turns out she was some girl Ive been to in one class
during freshman year. We thought it was funny, how Ian danced and how he stepped on her foot more times than not but
the girl managed to carry on and laugh it off. Looked liked both of them have had a great time.
Weve decided to sit on our chairs now as the high heels Gwen had worn was already making her feet tired. She excused
herself in the bathroom and I did so as to get her some punch when I can see Effie, preventing Gwen from going outside. I
was about to come near when she slapped Gwens face, her eyes diabolical, filled with so much anger. Then she let her go,
without any apology whatsoever. I wanted to run, catch her just in case she falls but there was Gwen, already passed out on
the floor.

15
Everything moved so fast, like all these images playing inside my head are motioned into ten thousand times faster. I
couldnt grasp it, but I wish I could.
It has been a week since Gwen was confined in the hospital and Ive been staying with her every step of the way. Angeline
insists that I stay at home for a while, but I just couldnt bring myself to. Gwen needed me and Id be willing to be there for
her. According to the doctors, shes been in so much fatigue and she has been on drug fever. The red spots have been
more evident on her arms and her face and shed wake up every night troubled by the severe joint pains she has been
experiencing. I hated seeing her like this and all the more do I despise myself for being so incapable of keeping her from
feeling the pain. I am just as defenseless as her, but shes a lot stronger, knowing that shes been battling this before I even
met her.
Sometimes, I wish I hadnt met Gwen, because then I wouldnt have to lose her. But I dont know what Ill be if she hadnt
come around, Im even more scared of the thought of that. I was about to lay my head beside her hand when she woke up
asking me to read her my poems. I already told her Ive written poems before but this time she wanted to hear me read
them out loud.
Your eyes are the color of grey, I start to narrate, as she held my hand tight. They speak to me with all the things I
couldnt say / I dont know how you made me fall in love, with just the honesty in your mouth / But here I am, you drew me
in, Im eternally stuck. She smiled as she opened her eyes slightly. I waited for her reaction as I shuddered at the thought of
having her hear what I had written, I know it sucks but I promise you, I could do better than that. She was drawing circles
in my palm now and the calmness she brings brought us both to peace.
Promise me youll never stop writing. Not even when your dad tells you otherwise. Okay? Write them for me. She begged,
as I repulsed from her request. Why has she been telling me all these goodbyes? Im not going to say it just yet. So as not
to argue with her, I just wrapped my hand around hers and said, Okay. As she peacefully fell back into sleep.

16
You havent been home very much, whats the matter son? My dad asked as I entered home with so much distress, I
looked like I was carrying the entire world in my shoulders. Now is not a good time for an argument, not even an
explanation, but his eyes are following me around and when he does that, you just have got to say a single word.
Ive been busy dad, Im tired. Im going up. I walked weakly, my voice a little too tired but he fired up and said, Im talking
to you Theodore! Where the hell have you been? You arent even sleeping around in here! I bet its just one of those parties
isnt it? His eyebrows narrowed and his expression showed full anger. I am not liking to where this conversation is headed
and so I told him the truth.
Do you really want to know why, huh? Well the thing is, my girlfriends dying and she needs me. And here you are
complaining Im not home when you yourself arent. Youre too engrossed in your job you have forgotten you have an 18
year-old son who doesnt want to take up law like what you want me to do and that Ive been alone half of my life when you
and mom split up. And this girl Im with right now, I love her. Ive never felt like this before but I have never been more sure
of it, dad. So thats it! Im telling you what my life has been in case youre having fun missing out. He looked startled, l ike he
couldnt even breathe and his eyes widened into shock. That was a mouthful but I have never stood up to anyone in my life
before, and this courage right here, is the same bravery I got off from Gwen. This is so freeing, I could just float away.
The silence enveloped us as we just stared right into each other. My dad suddenly sat on the couch and put his hand onto
his face. I now nothing, huh? He said as I nodded, my face in a deadpan.
Ive been afraid of reaching out to your sister because once have I stopped her from reaching for what she wanted. Ive
been selfish, son. I have been. Forgive me. And I dont know about your girlfriend at all, Im sorry. Now he wasnt the
lawyer who everyone knew he was, but he was the father who took us swimming in the lake house for fun. He was just my
dad and here he was asking me the question that took me by surprise, Can I meet her?





17
Dad had finally met Gwen in the hospital. When he came around she was doing fine, and you can see the progress of the
medicine that was asked for her to take. Dad loved her enthusiasm,and admired her intelligence. And although shes a bit
swollen now, because of the Oedema thats infecting her body, shes fighting for it anyway. She talked just as much and she
was still the Gwen that everyone knew.
At some days Ian would come and visit and Angeline would let me home for some rest. I admit Im quite exhausted, what
with going to school and the hospital, but itll all be worth it in the end, or so I hope. Just so you know, Gwen hadnt been in
school for long because her body mutilates and weakens ever more slowly. I can already feel the days that I had not seen
one coming, but I am always praying for the light at the end of the tunnel- that shed be well and perfect and can live as
normally as possible. But I can only hope, not expect.
It was a Saturday morning and I put Gwen into her sleep. I went out to leave for some coffee when I had come across with
Tyler and Effie. They looked sorry for me but how can they have the face to show up here?
What are you two doing here? I asked, with revulsion in the tone of my voice.
We didnt know about all this Theo. Were very sorry this had to happen. Tyler said as Effie was slightly hiding behind his
back.
I apologize for slapping her and calling her such derogatory words. Effie added as I clenched my fist, fighting the urge to
let the guards drag them out of the hospital.
How dare you hurt her Effie. How can you be so cruel. Ive seen you hurt her at homecoming but Im not going to let that
happen again. I answered sternly, controlling myself.
I know and Ive been a terrible person and a terrible girlfriend. I cant do anything about this now but I hope shes okay.
That everything will be. She said, the truth in her words I can make out of. Tyler was standing beside her, his hands inside
his pocket. Im sorry too dude. Im sorry for that drunken night Ive messed up and Im sorry I was wrong about thinking
Gwen didnt deserve you. But you will always be the better man. He told me as I replied with a smile, glad that there is the
understanding between the three of us.
I hadnt said a single word and so was Tyler and Effie as they left the hospital, but clearly things were well for us now,
before I had seen this one coming.






18
I wish I had more time with her, that was what I have been desperate of having right now. I wish there were more poems to
write, more vinyl records to play, more random McDonalds trips. But I shouldnt be selfish, she had suffered quite a lot and
it was time to finally let her go. Her kidney and her heart failed her and silently her breath said goodbye. I will never forget
the last conversation I had with Gwen that went on as something my memory will forever hold.
It was a Tuesday night and we were watching FRIENDS on the TV screen as if to keep her alive. But she couldnt sit
straight up and the swelling and the pain she was feeling had become worse. I wrapped my hand in hers softly, so delicately
so as not to hurt her. Everything is so uncertain I dont know how many days, years, months, hours are left she whispered
to me but I could still hear her loud enough. but goddammit youre the only sure thing in my life right now. How can she
even say goddammit at this moment, well, typical Gwen. You cannot stop her. So I kissed her deeply, the one where the
afterlife would not even forget. Then she kissed me back, and everything fell right back in to place. But the morning arrived,
and she was gone just like that.
This is the sadness that I have always been scared of because Gwen isnt here anymore. I couldnt see her, couldnt kiss
her, could not be with her. Maybe in the next life, but not right now. I wont see her get off to college and put her brilliant
mind into where it rightfully belongs. I could never grow old with her.
I already miss her terribly, but I can only love her now.
***
The entire school knew- about Gwens death. And every now and then a person would come up to me say his or her
condolences, implying their sympathy. I was thankful, but I rubbed it off knowing they werent really there for her when she
was alive. Shes been here for a very short time but her memories lingered in light-years.
It was time for Literature and I had almost forgotten about that final project we were to present today. It probably was the
most difficult thing to do at the moment, but I have to do it for her. She deserves all the best prose, poetry, letter and novel
in the world.
I was called up by Mr. Odell, and everyone was looking at me with discomfort. I think all of them can still sense my grief. I
stood in front, unfolded the paper I had written when Mr. Odell interrupted me and gave me a piece of paper instead. She
wrote it for you. Gwen had written it before she knew what was going to happen and you deserve to have it. But the last
thing she told me was for you to read it out loud. He explained to me and the rest of the class fell into deep silence. I looked
for Gwen in the crowd, but she wasnt there. So I grabbed some courage as I opened the paper she had left for me.
Theo, Im sorry that what we had was short-lived. I had to leave, and Im quite happy at the thought of you letting me go. I
started to read, as I inhaled some air for strength. I love you, I hope you know that and I know how much you love me too. I
always admire how your world shined bright and it just sucks that Im not there to see it shine even brighter. You have such
a big heart, and youve always cared about your family despite the brokenness and youve always been with me through my
battle with death. Thank you. You have no idea how much life youve brought to me. You have made me feel alive than
anybody else. I was on the run before I met you, trying to avoid vulnerability and love. But when you showed up, I have
failed to move myself forward and ended up giving in to you anyway. I hope that you live the life that you want, and that you
become who you want yourself to be. I may be a ghost now you can only feel in the air, or looking down on you as the sun.
But Im always here and I hope life wont stop for you. Be happy for me, because there isnt anything in the world that I want
than for you to be. I love you endlessly. Yours, Gwen. I gulped as the letter she made was dedicated solely to me. The
room was pure silence and I could feel all of their eyes on me. I was on the brink of tears, of falling down on my knees. But I
retreated back on my seat as a tiny shaft of sunlight coming from the window was hovering over me. She may not be here
anymore- her living breathing body already crossed over to the unknown- but its enough for me to know that I can feel her
wherever I go.






-END-